This is WHY I love my haters, nahsayers and skeptics that choose to follow….

 

This is WHY I love my haters, nahsayers and skeptics….

I just want to say that I love you!
I truly do.
Without those of you who live for the fight,
for the ego, for the anger and the sadness,
there would be no mission to bring light and love into this world.
Without all of you who are super critical,
who find more value and worth in trying to be right then focusing on beauty and truth.
For all of you who feel the need to judge, criticize, make fun of, and attempt to squash,
there would be limited exploration into self,
into deeper awareness and understanding.
Without you who adore darkness and hatred,
who live for the putrid thoughts and ill feelings,
there would not be contrast,
showing what love is and what love is not.
Revealing what walking on the path of soul is and what it is not.
For those who speak of their belief,
their faith and their loyalty,
to something greater and grander,
how they live the words of masters of our past,
yet weld the words of inner demons and sadness.
This void that you choose to bless the rest with,
is a blessing sweet soul.

It is a blessing,
and for this I love you.
I love you,
my haters,
my nahsayers,
the skeptics that choose to follow,
to criticize,
to condemn,
and cast stones that are not yours to cast.

I love you for showing the path that hatred and self-contempt can take any of us down,
for sharing the void that you must feel,
the lostness that eats at your soul.
I hear your pain sweet one.
I see your pleas,
your anger,
your fear.
Your desire to be recognized,
to feel some sort of worth.
If even from a negative source.
Much like a small child,
who acts out to receive attention,
you too act out to be seen.

I tell you here,
I tell you from my heart and my soul,
although you may not want to believe,
to hear or to receive.
I tell you now,
I LOVE YOU.
You are worthy.
You are beautiful.
You are deserving of happiness and abundance.
No matter how lost,
or sad or traumatized you may be.
YOU are worthy.

One day your soul will speak,
and you will choose a different path.
You will choose to hear the words,
the words of your worth.
You will realize that in order to fill that void,
that gaping hole that resides inside of you,
you will have to lean away from hatred,
away from judgement,
away from the casting of the stones.
You will have to embrace that we are all part of the same race.
We are HUMAN.
And we have our misguiding’s.
Our ego catches the best of us,
but still God wants for nothing more,
then EVERYONE of us to LOVE life.
To love thy neighbor as thy self.
To know that none walk without sin.
To know that we are loved.
To know that we are worthy.

And to OWN the very truth that LOVE,
Love is the answer.

This is why I love my haters, my nahsayers and the skeptics that choose to follow me.
That choose to condemn.
That choose to hate as they preach.
I love you sweet haters.
Thank you for supporting my mission.
Thank you for supporting my soul work.
Thank you for the opportunities to share,
my heart,
my soul,
and from this authentic space,
that as I sit in stillness,
and listen to the calling.
I know….
I know who I am .
I know how important it is…
to STAND firmly,
to speak in love,
to clarify,
to lead,
to share the message of a life worth living.
The life that we are all here to LIVE.
A life of THRIVING.
For anything other is not giving praise to our creator.

I love you haters, nahsayers and skeptics.
Thank you! Thank you for your sharing.

Without YOU there would be no reason.

I share with you now one of my favorite messages,
the one that most aligns…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn how to move from negative, fear based thinking into a mindset of love and acceptance?
Explore the power of forgiveness, shame release, judgment and anger management and how such negative influences can become lifetime roadblocks to your life of THRIVING?

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Take Caution Not To Dishonor Your Lover’s Love.

You dishonor who I am.
You dishonor my life.
You dishonor the love I have felt.
You dishonor my choices.
You even dishonor yourself.
And for what?

To proclaim that you are better than,
greater than.
That you know,
you understand,
you are more of a man.
Than he.

You proudly stand before me,
claiming your love.
Never stopping to realize that I have felt a greater love then you can even fathom.
You will never know the love that has captivated my heart,
my soul and carried me into the heavens.
You will never know of it,
or understand it because you refuse to accept that I have ever even been loved.
In your proclamations of how you can show me love.
You can reveal to me how a woman is to be cared for.
What “real dating, courting” is about.
That you, yes you are the gentlemen that knows this better than any other who has ever crossed my path.

As you stand there,
with that glimmer in your eye’s,
with that smirk on your face,
with that smugness in your body,
and you vocalize how it should be.
And how you aim to show me.

You do nothing more than dishonor me.

You state with each word of disbelief,
a declaring that I have never felt anything worth anything,
that I am naive,
unknowing,
and have poor taste in men.

If this is true,
if you truly believe that no man has ever really loved me.
If you really believe that,
then why should I believe that you are any better?
And realize that we all have fears around love and being lovable,
so when you make such assumptions,
in an essence you support this fear that I am just that.
Unlovable.

So if I have felt this deep.
If I have opened up in vulnerability to this level,
surrendered my very soul over to another,
smelled of this loves sweetness and been blessed to inhale the intoxicating scent of roses in my love making.
But none of it is true…

Then what possibly could you offer me sir?

You say I was nothing more than a pretty piece on his arm.
You say he wanted me only for my sex.
You say that he had never an intent of going the distance.
You say that he never brought true life experience to me.
You say that he never romanced me properly,
dated me properly.

You say a lot for man that has no clue.
That is blind.
That is making a lot of judgments based on only your own hopes that this is such.

But I will tell you this sir.
I will tell you that you have not a clue.
And because you come at me in such dishonor,
preaching of your love,
trying to kill what I hold dear.

Realize that you will NEVER succeed at killing off this love.
You will never destroy my heart.
Your fear,
your hunger,
your desire to control,
will never compare to that which I hold dear.

I welcome your childish attempts.
They do nothing but strengthen what has always been.

And so I say this loud and true,
please hear me now blind sir,
you have not a chance at ever captivating this heart of mine.

You refuse to listen.
You refuse to truly feel me.
You refuse to accept that in order to come into my heart that you will have to top this love,
and trying to destroy,
to mock,
or make light of what my soul has felt,
is not the way to penetrate my heart.

But I do assure you,
it is the way out of my life.

You dishonor me with your fear.
You dishonor me with your desire to make me small.
You dishonor me with your hatred of my love.

And so we say goodbye.

—————————————————————————–

I share this intimacy from my heart and soul today to all of you gentlemen and women alike who find a need to discredit someone’s past relationships.

No matter your relationship with someone,
but for sure if you have romantic interest in them,
please take heed to this poem here.

Never try to captivate their heart by attempting to destroy a past love.

This only show’s your weakness.
Your fear.

Instead listen to the sweetness that that love has brought to them,
allow yourself to hear,
learn what another has done and what your lover wants more of.

Do not be foolish enough to believe that because this love they speak of is not present in the here and now,
that it is any less than potentially the love of this person’s life.

Not all love is meant to be held for a life time.
But all love does expand us and transform us.

Never make judgments on another’s heart.
You only weaken or destroy your place in theirs.

Instead be –
Present
Open
Vulnerable
Supportive

And cherish this moment with them.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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Reasons or Results – Which Is Your Life About?

Just this morning I was walking my kindergartner into his school. There I was in yoga pants, a tank top and sweat shirt off one shoulder. My hawaii flip flops on my feet and my hair tossed up in a pony tail. My son and I were goofing around like we do every morning, laughing and hugging, picking on each other as we crossed the parking lot and walked down the entry way of the school.

It was just another morning in truth.
And yet it was not.
Because this morning I was people watching more so than what I normally do for some reason.
And as always with people watching I always feel so separated from those around me.
I feel judgmental.
Almost critical.
And maybe I should be ashamed to admit that here publicly, but living by my true style I am going to stand in my raw truth with you and just speak it.
I mean we are all judgmental and critical.
And anyone who claims to not be is hiding or lying.

What it comes down to in my opinion, is what you choose to do with the judgments and thoughts that come up.
Do you choose to observe them,
do some good inquiry around them,
and discover deeper messages about yourself?
Or do you choose to pick apart others and find fault and reason as to why you are suffering or how you are better than another in order to justify your worth or reasons?

So here I was,
walking in the school with my son like fifty other women,
and what I noticed was the lack of connection between these parents and their children. There was no laughter, only seriousness and rushing.
There were no smiles even, just pissed off turned down expressions.
Most walked quickly and with a hunched over frame, as though they were trying to hide.
And then there were a few who bee-bopped by looking like they had been up for 3 hours already. Very well put together, but walking in haste.
Entering the school,
music playing, teachers singing and welcoming children, I noticed how the kids lit up as they entered the school because the teachers were appearing excited and happy to start the day with them. The upbeat music caught your ear and made you want to sing along, which is what I do every morning.

But I was alone.
and parents looked at me,
casting their own judgement back.
Most likely wondering who this crazy woman is who dares be happy and sing out loud to her child and shake her hips at the front door as she kisses her kid good by and gives a big hug, then turns and chats with a teacher or two?

Yes, so there I was judging and being judged.
And as I turned and walked back to my car, I noticed how so many parents just seemed lifeless.
Now I was feeling pity.
And I don’t do pity very well.
My pity quickly turned to irritation and disgust.
I looked at these people,
and in my belief they each have a purpose.
They each have a talent.
They are each born for greatness.
They are worthy.
But all I see here is a lack of worth.
And the only effing reason for it is that they are allowing it.
And what are they teaching their children by accepting such a life of low vibe, low energy, dullness and disconnect?

They are teaching them to be the same.
Because our children 90 % of the time do not learn from what we tell them to do, but from what we show them we are doing.

You want an honest child.
Be honest with your child and others.

You want a compassionate child.
Be compassionate with your child and others.

You want a child that can stand on their own two feel and is not easily lead astray.
Then be strong in who you are and have good boundaries and speak your truth.

Whatever you are desiring your child to grow up to be,
realize that you are an example to them.

So back to my point.

Here as I walked I saw a bunch of people who had somewhere along the life trail gotten good with just existing.
Gotten good with their reasons,
their excuses and why’s.
They had settled into not having.
Settled into average.

And had forgotten that they could define what their average looked and felt like.

It’s crazy to think how close to all that we want each and everyone of us truly is.
And yet it is so.
It is no further away then what we are willing to accept for ourselves.
Willing to believe for ourselves.
Willing to expect for ourselves.

But WE have to actually want it bad enough to stop calling in all the reasons that we don’t have it or cannot have it.

Our reasons have got to mean less to us then our DESIRE.

So what are you settling for?
What are the core beliefs that you have that are creating things that you don’t want?
And are you conscious to them?

Let’s get real.
Let’s get raw.
Let’s define.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Sick and tired of settling for so much less than what you know you can have?
Accepting less in your success, your finances, your love, your relationships or your health?

Well STOP making excuses and TAKE the CALL TO ACTION TODAY.

Kendal I was bankrupt when I first met you. I had no idea how I was going to pay you. Working a dead end job, going through a nasty divorce and had lost everything. All I knew was that if I did not have faith right now and stand my ground that life was going to run me over. Thank God I chose this! Your coaching did not just help get me through everything, it transformed my existence. Today I am making three times the income I was back then. I am dating a dynamic woman and cannot imagine life much better. It is all because of your guidance and wisdom. I wish more people understood the true power of a mentor. Thank beautiful! – Timothy Gearst, Dallas Texas

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Could This Be You?

You Offend Me. – Stop It!

That is IT!
I am DONE!!!!!
Done you hear me.
 
I cannot stomach it any longer.
Just the fact that you think that way and have the nerve to state it openly on top of everything.
 
So frustrating.
It should not be allowed.
I mean seriously,
you have no clue.
 
ARGH.
 
Stop already.
That is it!
I am clicking report and then I am unfriending you.
It sickens me that you shared that.
 
How little do you think of yourself to just put yourself out there like that?
 
Do you have no self-respect.
Self-care?
I bet you do this because you think you are oh so cool or hot, right?
Well it is obvious that you are just another attention hungry bottom of the pool feeder who has no real understanding about anything and just wants us all to bask in your glory.
 
Seriously.
I am DONE.
This whole thing is offensive to me.
It is offensive to all of your followers and friends.
How can you just keep sharing?
How do I make you STOP?
 
Don’t you see yourself?
Geeze….
 
Think much of yourself?
There you go again posting.
 
I cannot take it.
Seriously, I am going to unfriend you.
I am.
 
What’s this?
These people here are agreeing with you?
 
W-H-A-T?????
 
Come on people you are going to buy into this rubbish?
Really?
 
Okay now that is pushing it.
Now you have done it.
You are now making others believe this crap like you do.
Will you stop at nothing?
 
and on,
and on,
and on,
we go.
 
 
Okay dear reader, PLEASE don’t believe that any of the above is anything that I have personally outside of this post here ever written and meant or written at all.
 
Matter a fact just today I was doing a livestream and you could see my nipples I guess under my my shirt and a man responded, “nice nipples.” in the comments section.
Of which I said nothing to.
 
Then later a man private messaged me and asked if this other man’s comment offended me.
 
LOL.
 
F-ck No!
 
In order for his comment or anyone’s comment to offend me,
it would mean that their opinion of me mattered somehow.
As though how they judged me, viewed me or what they translated from my image or words had some effect on my self-worth, esteem or confidence.
As though their opinion should cause me to second guess, judge or love myself less.
 
That is funny.
I tell you I am laughing at a deep soul core level over thinking that someone making any comment, or doing something even as distastefulness as some of the pictures I receive or random advances that I get daily should have a true effect on who I am or how I feel about me is CRAZY.
 
Offended?
 
What does it take to offend one?
Well for some in today’s world it takes VERY little.
And for those poor saps who live in a world that is out to get them I feel pity, because they will never bask in the beauty and joy that life has to offer.
They will never be able to fully trust life.
Themselves. or anyone.
It is sad to watch so many people go straight into defense at the slightest little thing that ruffles their feathers.
And without any concept of what they are really doing.
 
Standing about,
pointing fingers,
getting mad at pictures,
at opinions of other’s,
at debates,
or feelings,
that are not theirs to begin with,
and truly believing that it is everyone’s else’s responsibility to make them happy, keep then safe from things that pull up fears, or trigger them in some fashion, or to make them feel anything at all.
 
Here is the cold hard reality.
NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU BUT YOU!
 
And nothing can MAKE.YOU.FEEL
anything.
 
That is all an inside game.
The only thing you do when you feel offended is cower into the corner of the victim mindset and turn over your power to everything/one else,
putting them in charge of your happiness.
 
And then acting like a spoiled kid when you don’t get what you expect.
 
Sheer silliness.
Laziness too.
and emotional immaturity above everything else.
 
It is most certainly the topic of today.
Even a fellow coach/friend had a share of theirs taken down because it went against community guideline.
 
?????
Did she get naked and share a video or pic that was to out there like some of the things I see come through in some of the groups?
 
NO.
 
Did she cuss people out or call people prejudges names?
 
No.
 
Did she slander someone?
 
No.
 
Did she do ANYTHING offensive?
Well, yes.
Yes she did.
Well she must have.
Because her livestream was deleted for such.
 
It was not a community that she offended.
No.
She offended one person more than likely.
And much like my writing above,
this one took it upon themselves to save everyone from such nonsense that was in this livestream.
 
Mean while,
we have video’s running around with violent scenes,
men are sending very unattractive and unwanted pictures to random women in messenger,
people are being called names because of how they look,
or what race they are or church they go too.
We can openly watch a video with a squirrel having its nut’s ( yes actual nuts/balls/testicle’s) caught in a fence and we laugh it off.
 
All of this is okay.
Why because of the number of likes it has below it?
Or because it’s not happening to you.
Or you just don’t see it.
 
And still even all of this…
 

GUESS WHAT?

 
Yes even my fellow coach video being taken down.
None of it is offensive.
 
UNLESS YOU MAKE IT SO IN YOUR OWN HEAD.
 
Again…
No one is responsible for your happiness,
your feelings,
your thought,
or judgments,
other than YOU.
 
So why the rant today?
Because it is silly.
And as I shared on a comment thread about this very thing,
 
“It is a shame that our society is focused on being on the attack and can’t stand behind our right of speech and to share our options and thoughts. It is crazy, back in the 1950’s doing Roasts were so popular and it took a strong and stable person to be able to sit through the ego breaking moments of a roast. today’s society cannot handle someone just glancing over at them for no reason without feeling offended. Crazy it is. We have raised a weak society of wantabe adults.”
 
Today society cannot handle a ROAST.
Or a wrong look.
Or your opinion.
 
Let along your life.
Your hobbies.
Your likes.
Dislikes.
Beliefs.
The color of your hair.
or how you choose to dress.
 
We have become a weak culture.
We in WHO WE ARE.
Knowing ourselves.
And loving who we are.
We are weak in just allowing each to their own.
We have become STRONG in becoming the police for everything that has nothing to do with us.
We have become STRONG in sticking our nose into everything and playing the blame game.
 
Gotta Love the Blame Game.
Right?
 
 
Not.
So how do you rank love?
How easily offended are you?
Have I pushed you to the point of no return in this share and made you one of my haters?
 
Or are you EMPOWERED and conscious?
 
Share your thoughts below.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Don’t wait another one, two, five, ten years to start THRIVING.
Make 2019 the year of you claiming YOU.

You would be perfect if you were different.

 
“I love your strength.
I love your independence.
I love your drive.
I love your passion.
Your creativity.
Your intelligence.
Your sexiness.
Your playfulness.
Your beauty.
Your light.
 
You make me want to be a better person.
You make me feel so good.
You make me so happy,
so free and turned on to life.
I feel like I can do anything.
 
You are perfect.
I love you so much.
 
But why my love do you not answer me in the way that I desire?
Why do you not feel the way I wish you did about our love,
about our relationship?
Why my love are you so aloof at times?
Too busy…
Too busy for me.
 
Why do you flirt and play with others,
so carefree and unfazed?
With that smile.
That laugh.
That light shining so bright.
And not with me in that moment.
It’s like you don’t need me.
Does our love mean nothing to you?
 
 
When you are with me, the world is perfect.
When you are away from me my world is dark.
There is a void that is too much to bare and I feel like I am suffocating from its immense emptiness.
I fear I am not good enough.
That you want for something more.
I fear loosing you,
and so I wish that you were different.
Not in any of the ways that you are perfect.
 
No.
 
I want you to remain all of that.
But I want you to need more of me.
I want you to be by my side more.
To share more in each day.
I want you to focus just on us.
I want you to desire only my attention.
 
I don’t want you to take time away from us to be around another.
I don’t want you to ignore me in any way.
I don’t want you to flirt and play with others.
I don’t want you to get caught up in what you are doing and forget about me, if even for a day.
 
I need you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I need you to be here more for me.
I need you to value my emotions more.
I need you to make me happy all the time.
I need you to be what you are not.
 
You would be perfect if you were different.
But alas my love you are not.
And this makes me mad.
It makes me sad.
It makes me wish I did not exist on some days.
My heart hurts so bad.
I wish it would stop.
I wish that you understood my pain.
I wish you could feel my love more.
I wish that it mattered more to you.
I wish that you were different.”
 
How does this tale resonate with you my dear?
Can you feel the pain of the lovers heart.
How we humans desire for all these beautiful characteristics in our mates and want for them to want so much of us as well. To be our everything and us theirs.
 
We lay our emotions,
our moods and mental health into the arms of another.
Thinking that this is what love is.
If only they loved us then they would care enough to change their ways and be more of what we need.
They would bend over backward to make sure that we were stable in our vibration.
They would make sure to not rock our hearts.
They would make sure that they did what we needed.
If only they loved us the way we love them.
 
Right?
 
WRONG!
 
The above is nothing of love.
It is of addiction and need.
It is co-dependency at its finest.
And the sheer fact that we desire for all these beautiful characteristics from our mate but need them to be the opposite for us to “feel love” which is not love but need is revealing just how conditional our relationship truly is.
 
The feeling of love never comes from another.
It comes from the great love that each of us hold within us.
When we are in relationship, the relationship highlights that which has always been present within us.
When we turn this power over to the other person,
we become a victim to the ebb and flow of the others life and emotions. We disown ourselves and create an unhealthy relationship that is not based on love, but based on fear of loss of the relationship.
 
When we look to our relationship for security in life,
for our source of joy, peace, happiness or love, we deny ourselves of our truth and we are not in soul alignment.
The fear of loss is signal to this fact.
When we are feeling worry about loosing,
fear about not being good enough,
or a neediness of another we are not standing in our own power. Thus being a victim to the moment. The relationship and our expectations of what we have come to call our relationship reality or norm.
 
And so we focus in on what the other is not giving us.
We become determined to fix it.
To fix them.
To make them understand.
Because if they love us then they will want to do this.
 
The issue is that a consciously aware, embodied person who is turned on to life and in love with themselves and thus stable in who they are cannot become a person living from this other state of being without destroying who they are and becoming something else.
 
They must remain true to who they are.
And this truth is what makes them:
Strong
Independent.
Driven.
Passionate.
Creative.
Intelligent.
Sexy.
Playful.
Beautiful.
Lit Up.
 
It’s what makes them SOULFUL.
And makes you feel like you can conquer the world when they are in yours.
 
In order to keep a soulful person in your life,
the only answer is to BECOME ONE YOURSELF.
 
Which means to get selfish.
And fall in love with your beautiful self.
See your power and STOP giving it away.
Stop being needy, and dependent on anyone to “make you happy.”
Stop masking your sh*t and do your internal work.
Your soul work.
Get right with who you are.
Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MY LOVE.
 
Claim Your Life Today!
 
“Stop Existing & Start Living”
 
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The case of the mystery flower delivery.

I share this tale with you today, 
because it tells so much of our desire and need to know. 
It show’s how difficult it is to just receive. 
Receive without question.
And to let life be magical, 
and full.

Yes, here I sit on day three of a mystery. 
It is a BIG mystery at that.

Let me share with you the gist and what I have learned in the process.

Friday, like any day, I sat in my writing spot. 
I wrote and people came through my space, 
sharing their day, 
their ideas and challenges. 
I sat there and enjoyed them. 
I enjoyed the moment. 
And when the stillness came, 
I wrote.
While writing the door bell rang, 
my son answered and came back with a lovely bouquet of white roses and lilies. 
He sat them down on my table and I read the note attached.

“I hope this makes an ordinary day, extraordinary! – Signed Me”

My heart smiled. 
As I love getting flowers. 
And I was just thinking how I needed new ones on my table. 
It smiled because with these lovely flowers came a feeling of love. 
I felt desired. 
I felt like someone, 
this Me character, knew what I needed in that moment.
As my days before had been challenging and overwhelming. 
And here was just a breath of air. 
And a very accurate desire to make my ordinary, 
extraordinary.

So whom was the me?
Whom could I give my thanks too?
My heart felt it was one person, 
the flowers before me, 
the bouquet choice, 
seemed to say his name.
And so….
I sent a text in that moment, 
as this person was out of town and state, 
and I sent a text, 
saying “Thank you, you just made me smile.”
It was received, but not acknowledged that it was a comment about the flowers.

And so, 
I persisted.
Like any good woman, 
who wants to know who gifted her. 
Who wants to say thank you.
I persisted. 
I sent a picture. 
with a comment of, “Aren’t they lovely?”
And in response, 
I got “Wow! yes they are. “

After sharing some, it came about that this man claimed not to have sent them my way. 
In shock, 
as it was right up his line of action, 
I found myself on the mystery bus. 
And am still there. 
three days later, 
after asking almost all my old lovers, 
and asking current men I share intimacies with, 
and asking my children and friends, 
clients even, 
I have come up with a loss as to whom, 
sent these flowers.

And why does it matter anyway?
Why do I care so much?

I claim it is because I need and desire to give my thanks. 
And that is partially true.

The reality is, 
outside of the turn on that I have from the courting, 
outside of the smile that it brought me, 
outside of the romantic mystery, 
and I do love a good mystery.
I want to KNOW.
Because I feel like I need to know.

But is that true?
What will it benefit?
What will it do?

Perhaps, the gift of the mystery, 
is in the not knowing.

It is in the surrender.

Perhaps, 
this soul is asking for my surrender, 
and asking me to just receive.

Much like the universe. 
Much like God.

The request is simple. 
Surrender and Receive.

Everything can be yours in so doing this.

But here I sit on day three. 
Looking at my beautiful flowers.

Still smiling.
Still questioning.

And in my questioning, 
I have discovered the answer.

The answer like with anything is always right in front of us. 
Our soul always knows. 
And the clues are right there.

The clues of heart and soul.
Of soul alignment.
Of getting EXACTLY what we ask for.
And just letting it be. 
Be the beautiful, loving act that it is.

Letting that smile be seen.
The surrender be felt.

Yes here.
Here is where I sit.
I sit now, 
still with a lingering question.
But knowing that I am being given my hearts desire.

And that, 
that is all I ever need to know.

My gratitude will reach this “Me” whom sent the flowers. 
It is felt already I am sure. 
And this “Me” with a hidden smile, 
in their knowing, 
I thank for the soul lesson. 
The lesson in receiving. 
The lesson in true giving. 
I feel great respect for this “me”
because they are not needing the pat on the back. 
They are but just holding space.
And in that space they too are receiving.

And so, 
the lesson remains.

Let It Go.
Let it go, and surrender to your receiving.

There is no need to know.
There is no need to thank.
Not verbally.
The gratitude needed comes from the heart.
And this can be felt from any distance.

And now I have a question, 
a question for you, 
and I encourage you to inquire.
As it will change your world.

“Where are you not surrendering to your desire to receive?”

Where are you holding yourself back from all that you want, because you are scared of not knowing what will come?

Let this case of the mystery flower delivery, 
be a lesson to surrender to the mysteries of God’s blessing and those that are used to manifest them.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

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The Ego of Prayer

“I’ve been praying.

I have been praying but it does not seem that my prayers are being heard.

They must be falling on deaf ears, or heaven has shut its gates to my plea.
I am in such need.

I am fearful, scared, and uncertain.


I have fallen to my knees, each and every night.

And asked for guidance, through this difficult time.


I’ve been praying.Lord, please help me.”


You may never want to read my words again, after you read this post.
Just a simple FYI.


I am going to preface this with, I am not condemning prayer.

I am not saying anything of the sort.


PRAYER is POWERFUL.

Prayer is wonderful.

Prayer is NEEDED.


However much like anything though,  it is best when done in perfection,  or as close to it as we can get.


And that is not to say that we cannot be human in our prayer and mess the eff up here and there.


But in order for us to get the answers that we desire,

which is WHY WE PRAY to begin with,

then we MUST do prayer right.


Proper prayer,

is not about the way you fold your hands,

or bow before an alter.


It is not about where you choose to go to pray,

or what faith you choose to follow.


It is not about the forgiveness of sins,

or the asking of such even.


Proper prayer,

is simply about VIBRATION.


When we pray we do so from fear.

We pray from a place of brokenness.

We pray from a belief that we do not have,

that we have done something to deserve this suffering,

that we are not worthy, and MUST ask for forgiveness.

That we must cower before the alter of our choice,

and we must make ourselves small.


We believe that whatever we are needing,

wanting or crying out for is not within our scope.


And so we pray.

We pray for help.


And this sweet one, is not the energy of God. This is not the energy of the divine..

This is not in love or of love.
This sort of prayer is one based in inverted pride.

Therefore ego.


No,this is not how God desires his people to show up.


This is not how we show off God’s power.

Through begging.

Through suffering.

Through bartering.


Eff…. NO!
Proper prayer….

Proper prayer, as stated before is all about VIBRATION.


And vibration starts with your thinking.

Then your feeling.

Yes your emotions that are attached to those thoughts.


Proper prayer should ALWAYS be a prayer of GRATITUDE.


Find gratitude in the things that you have around you,

even if your life is sh*t.


Find gratitude in the life you have been given,

even if you are scared, suffering and lost.


Find gratitude in your struggle,

because it shows you where your work is at.


And that work that it is showing you is nothing more than a change in VIBRATION.


Gratitude is the ONLY proper prayer

.As any other will only lead you to further low vibe thoughts, fears, and concerns.

Thus you will embody suffering through the emotions that you feel based on this belief that it is out of your grasp to be FRUITFUL.


Prayer is about turning it over.

Showing your FAITH.And LETTING GO to GOD.


We do not let go, when we are attaching our inverted pride to any situation. Instead we are owning victimhood and a scarcity mindset.


In order for us to live in grace, abundance and joy, we must let go of our need to control through our fears and wounding.


Thus making every prayer a PRAYER OF GRATITUDE instead of FEAR.


Let God’s power show through you,

by leveling up your prayer life,

and step into CERTAINTY,

where all things are possible,

because God is GREAT.


This is the life of a believer.

And a prayer achiever.


Your VIBE Dictates Your Prayer.


As always, Stop Existing & Start Living


If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me HERE

Sex, Love and Fear.

Snuggles.
Intimacy.
Kisses.
Time shared.
SEX!

Mmmmmmmm….. sounds good, huh?
Sounds like something you want.
That you desire more of in your life.
Me too!

I sit here this morning contemplating so many things,
and I often find myself excavating past lessons so that I do not repeat them in current time and space.
As I analyze things, especially how I choose to do relationship I see how difficult I might be to have a serious one with.
And I do not believe that it is the fact that I enjoy multiple people in my life that is the difficult thing.
What is difficult for most is my integrity about it.
I share openly about my feelings.
About my past.
About my desires.
I share how I feel.

The issue is that we are taught that we should not want anything more than the relationship we have.
That the relationship we have is to complete us,
to make us happy, and to provide all our needs.
If it does not then under no conditions should you turn to someone else to get this met.
ESPECIALLY someone you may be attracted too or them to you.

I hear the statement,
” Be cautious of the situation you put yourself in.”

I hear the concern in this statement.
I hear the plea of if you hang around people you like, are attracted too then you may stray,
and straying equates to you leaving.
Because you have to make a choice.
Because there is ONLY so much love to go around.
Because you cannot have multiple relationships successfully.
Because it makes ME uncomfortable.

Okay, here is where I get a little uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable in my truth.

My truth is that I can NEVER go back to a way of living where I shut myself down from the world,
from other people,
and/or from men.
I f-cking love my male friends and lovers.
Whether current lovers of not, I may be enjoying time with them.
And when it is imposed on me that I need to not do this,
I feel shackles being put on me and on my emotions,
my heart,
my desires,
my energy.
And YES you better believe I will be making a choice.

I am poly my nature.
In all things I do.

I do love many.
I do enjoy many.
And may be likely to have intimacies in multiple ways with a few.

The one’s who capture my heart,
capture my essence for a season of our lives dancing together,
are the one’s who are confident enough in themselves and who get the difference between love and need.
Who can embrace my feminine wave of love.
These are the ones or THE ONE that will hold me a lifetime.

Now I am not speaking on sex here.
When I say intimacy,
I mean depth in revealing.
Sex can be this intimacy,
however sexing will only be as deep and intimate as we allow ourselves to be revealed in it.
Sex can just be that, sex.
It can be friction based and meaningless.

Sex does not mean love.
Sex does not mean commitment.
Sex does not mean intimacy.

Sex is a communication tool,
a physical communication tool .
And if you show up at only a surface level in your daily interactions with a lover,
then your sexing will only mimic the same.
Surface sex.
If you have depth, intimacy, surrender, authenticity in your daily interactions then your sex can go to this level as well,
or it can still be held in a place of disconnect if we are letting everything be heard in other ways but are scared to speak our truth in the bedroom.

Sex DOES NOT mean intimacy.
or love.

It can however deepen our intimacy and love.
It all depends on our level of surrender with our partner.

In the land of poly,
many believe that poly means to have multiple sexual partners. But this is not true,
poly is about something much more frightening than sex.
It is about LOVE.

Loving multiples.
And in love we can go deep with someone,
and we might open the gateway to sex.
Good sex.
Might I even say gourmet sex?
Because of the love,
because of the more authentic relating.

But poly DOES NOT equate to sex,
lot’s of sex,
or sex with many.

You can be monogamous in your sexing, 
and polyamorous in your relating and intimacy sharing.

And you can have success in this.
Just like you can have success in an open relationship with open sexing, or a swinging relationship.
Just like you can have success in a monogamous relationship.

A successful relationship is not about the sexual labels you put on it.

It is based on the confidence that each party has in themselves first, the self-love they have, and their ability to show up authentically in the realtionship. Which means authentic communication.

Year spent together does not equate a successful relationship.

Happiness does.
Unconditional love, and forward moving growth,
individually and together gives you opportunity to have this.

The most happy people on the planet are the one’s who have multiple close relationships. The healthiest people are the same.
Healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.
All requires intimacy shared.

Closing yourself off to the world is a death sentence in an essence.

Closing yourself off to the world and ONLY allowing intimacy to be shared with but ONE is putting all your eggs in one basket and putting an unrealistic expectation on the ONE. As well, as expecting that you as an individual can survive with only this one food source.

Because relationships are food.
They are emotional, mental, spiritual food.
They effect our body, mind and soul.
They impact us at a deep level.
And not having them does not mean that we are not effected.
Avoidance of relationship DOES equate avoidance of your heart and soul.
It is hiding from all the intimacy and truth that you are meant to share.

We hide out of fear of getting hurt.
We choose to not get involved,
to not catch feelings,
out of fear of getting burned.

If we do step into a relationship,
we then revamp our whole world and expect our partner to do the same, by not having relationship outside of the primary relationship. Often this simply means to pull away from anyone that there may potentially be “feelings” for.
And we do this out of fear.
Fear of loss.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of having too much love.
We close off because our ego’s affirm to us that it is not safe to love.

NEWSFLASH!
Love will not hurt you.
Love is not limited.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

So why do we fear it so?
Why do we handcuff it so?
Why do we cover it with our self-centered need?

Because we do not understand.
And we equate many a thing to be love.
We fear what we do not know.
We fear what we cannot control.
We fear that we will loose if we love,
therefore we choose to turn our backs on love,
as we embrace its doppelganger of lust and need.

Authentic loving,
is authentic relating.
Authentic intimacies,
come in many ways and are what brings joy and surrender to all relationship.

Sex is never a reason to fear loss.
Love will never create loss.

The only reasons we change seasons with a relationship is because we have either out grown the relationship or have not grown to the next level within it,
or it was based on need ( not love) and those needs are no longer being met.

Level up your love life,
by tapping into your authentic self.
Embody yourself and open to love.
This is the answer to your happily ever after.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.

Never Ready to Say Yes.

Epiphany Time.
Yep,
here it is folks.
Here is what no one want’s to tell you but you must know if you are going to have the life that you want.
 
If you are going to stop just getting by and start THRIVING.
Yes if that is what you are wanting in life,
if you want to wake up with a start,
fully ignited, charged up and turned on to life.
If you are wanting to have that deeply intimate relationship,
you know the kind that makes your heart shutter when you hear your partners voice.
If you are wanting to truly experience life.
Truly enjoy your family,
your friends,
the world,
good health,
ABUNDANCE.
 
then let me share with you this.
 
The fact is….
 
You will NEVER EVER be ready.
If I waited till I was ready to do anything,
I would do nothing.
I would have no where near the things that I have today.
I certainly would not have the relationships that I have.
The sex that I have.
The turn on that I have.
I would not travel the way I do.
I would not have the booming business that I have.
I would never launch a freaking program or workshop.
I would never write an article or do a vlog.
I would simply NEVER.
 
And therefore I would not have the life that I have.
I would not,
because I would have been saying NO,
to myself and to life,
to success and abundance,
to love and joy,
instead of saying YES.
 
I share this because ’tis is the season that we get bombarded with things.
We feel overwhelmed, frustrated, stressed and we want for more.
We want for more because all that we don’t have is smack dab in front of our faces.
Our children ask for so much,
we are asked to donate of our resources,
even if we have no resources.
It is assumed that everyone is “holly and jolly”
and that everyone can just keep giving.
 
Giving to everyone.
Except self.
 
Well,
take it from this single mom of seven,
who has had little to no assistance from co-parents,
and who run’s her own business, and is the primary financial provider not only for 4 children in home,
but also for my mother with dementia.
 
I get it.
I truly get it.
 
And you know what,
just the other day,
my grown ass daughter stood in my kitchen,
and proclaimed, “Mom you are rich.”
She then assumed that she and just about anyone was in the right to ask for their hearts desires from me,
and that I could cover it,
and that I would.
 
 
LOL…
 
At first I got a little upset at her assumption.
I wondered how she could just think this,
and then I realized that she was right.
 
I am f-cking rich!
 
I am rich in opportunity.
I am rich in energy.
I am rich in love.
I am rich in creative flow.
I am rich in abundance.
 
And this is all that matters.
because from this sorta mindset,
the world is my oyster.
 
So, I smiled.
And I agreed.
My ego screamed at me about all the responsibilities that she was unaware of or ignoring.
My ego yelped at me about giving too much.
My ego made very clear that it was still stuck in old programs of scarcity and fear.
 
And here is where “I” and only I could make the difference.
It was up to me in this moment to claim something different for my life.
I could say that I was broke,
that I was tired,
that I was overwhelmed,
frustrated and full of fear.
Or….
I could agree with her view of me.
“Mom you are rich.”
 
Well guess what?
You don’t get this view of your life if you are not showing up rich in some way or another.
My kids have lived through really freaking hard times,
where we lost our home,
had our power off for weeks,
was without food or water.
Had to “go camping” to give shelter.
 
They know all too well the other side of the tracks.
 
Well guess what?
Guess what?
 
I was never ready for ANY of the things I had to do,
to get from there to here,
or the things that I have to do to get from here to multi seven figures.
 
Nope. Not ready.
I am not ready to take the steps needed to move into deeper intimacy with my lover.
I am not ready to take the steps to get the body that I want.
I am not ready to step up into the the leader that I want to be.
 
But THAT WON’T STOP ME.
because I get it.
 
I get that in order to have the F-ck Yes Life that I want,
I MUST be willing to level myself up,
before I am ready.
 
It is this one THING that sets me apart from so many.
It makes me not average and ordinary.
And you know what?
If you want what you want,
then the same is true for you.
 
So REALITY CHECK LOVE.
You will never be ready.
You will never ever be ready.
 
You make the call as to when you move forward.
When you claim your life.
When you START TO SAY YES.
 
Until then you are letting life dictate to you.
And you got no right to b*tch.
 
So what is it going to be?
 
——————————————————————
 
If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Stop Gripping Your THING.

What are you holding on for?
Why won’t you just simply let go and let it flow?
It really is not that difficult.
But NO….

No, there you are fighting it.
There you are hanging on because you cannot let go.
You say that you are in flow,
you say that you got this alignment thing down.
You say that you are feeling good about it.

Blissed out!
Right?

WRONG!!!

Don’t be trying to fool the world,
cuz’ the world sees you.
You know how you are seen?
Through the eye’s that you see yourself with,
this is how the world sees you too.
It’s in your walk,
it’s in your talk,
your body language,
how you sit,
how you shake hands,
the faces you make,
the tone of voice you have.

You think no one can see that constriction?
LOL

Okay.

Whatever.

Let’s be real,
let’s have some respect for each other and self here,
and just state the facts.

You are scared that if you let go,
and let life catch you,
that you just trust that God has your back,
that you will fall.
That you will fail.
That you will die somehow.

You feel the pain,
the suffering right now,
from this fear.

Don’t you?

I mean look here it is the day after Thanksgiving,
it’s the coming of the end of the year.
The holiday’s are upon you,
the demands are many,
the fininances required to make it through the next 30, 45, or 60 days is massive.
You have choices.
You can go into debt some more,
you can just say,
“No, I am broke, I can’t.”
You can ignore the whole damn thing and drink,
or you can figure out a way to make sh*t happen.

And you want to make sh*t happen.
You want to have a killer holiday season.
You don’t want it to be last year,
or the last ten years.
You want it be fantastic.

You want to wake up on Christmas morning to the faces of your loved one’s and feel good,
you want to experience the love,
the joy,
the excitement.

You want to feel proud.

Don’t you?

But what will it take?
What will it cost you?

Money?
Time?
Energy?

Yeah, all of that is true.
The real cost though is not these things.
The real cost is something far greater.
The cost is why you are not doing it yet.
Why you feel that tugging in your gut,
that constriction in your chest,
that anxiety,
the reason why you are not sleeping so well,
the reason why you are drinking more,
the reason you are distant,

YES.
That is the reason.
That is the THING.

And you know the THING.
The THING that is bringing you the suffering.
That premature suffering for things that have not manifested yet.

Yeppers, that is it.

So why are you giving yourself,
your life to this THING?

Oh you say you have too.
You say that if you let go of that THING that you would perish for sure,
you say that focusing in on this THING is what is going to guarantee you not to experience it?

Mmmmmmmm- Hmmmmmmmmm….

Okay.
Whatever you say.

And with that we have the truth.
It is whatever you say,
REPEATEDLY…
In your own f-cking head.
Yes, that is what shall be.

And what are you saying?
Oh, you are worried about that THING are you.
That beast that you have yet to come up against.
That event that will take you out,
destroy you,
well NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!

It already has destroyed you.

Look at you.
You are stressed out to the max,
and all over that THING that has not happened,
and guess what most likely an 80% + chance that it won’t ever happen either.

But it has already knocked you down.
Because you are sitting around agonizing over IT.

Yes.
So STOP that Mother F-cking Sh*t,
and LET GO.

Instead,
go DO-BE-HAVE the life that you know you crave.
It is all up to you.
It is all up to where you choose to apply your focus.

You want the glass to be half empty,
then so be it.
And you know what that will get you…
the same thing you have been suffering through already.

Or….
You can opt to look at all that you have,
all the blessings,
all the joys,
all the love,
all the abundance.

It is all over you.
If you will just open up to it.
So change that stinking thinking,
and EMBRACE your TRUTH.

The CHOICE is up to you,
It always has been.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebookfor my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.