Stop Lieing To Yourself- You Are Poly-monogomish FOREVER!

Poly-monogomish FOREVER!
Can’t help it.
Just the way I am wired.
This identification does not mean that I won’t be monogamous.
It does not mean I will cheat or get bored.
It does not mean that I believe I need more
or are unhappy in anyway.
It simply means that I love relationship.
Value intimacy.
And stand firm with my integrity.

It means that those I choose to be in relationship with hold an eternal and special space in my heart.
That if my soul leads me to engage in any fashion,
To explore another being however called too,
That I embrace this pull and understand that it is perfect and meant to be, without question.

Many believe that to be polyamorous means that you desire sex with multiples.
That you are dating and being physically intimate with many.
But what polyamorous truly means is to have love and to embrace love and relationship with more than one.
Anyone who has more that one child,
Has more than one friend,
Loves both parents,
And all thier siblings,
Is engaging in a polyamorous loving.

Many years ago a dear friend of mine looked at me and said,
” You are living a polyamorous lifestyle in everyway but your sex. Perhaps you should explore it.”

His words rang so very true to my core.
And he was accurate in his view.
So I ventured onto the sexual path of polyamory and all it could intale.

Now this is not a personal share of the romance, sexing and relations of multiple lovers.
Its also not a share on how amazing polyamory is or how fucked up it can be.

But it is a share on acceptance.
On embracing who you are at your core regardless of what the norms of society say they should be.
Its a post on knowing yourself enough to allow your own happiness to flow.
And to even ASK for it.

Its a share based on living authentically.
In integrity.
And not just using these words because they feel good or make you sound like an awakened soul.
No.
But to actually LIVE by them.

Yes what I share here is about living in conscious surrender to your HAPPINESS.

And to communicate your needs.
To communicate where you are at in any relationship.
Its a share about what loving self and having self respect really means.
Its a share about your truth.
Its about you not wanting to accept that you are polyamorous just like me.
The only difference is your lack in comfort to speak what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And your unwillingness to see WHO YOU ARE.
Living blind to all the love that you give.
To all the people that you care about.
That you are in relationship with.
Or that you wish to someday be.

Yes I am poly- monogamous ALWAYS.
I am polyamorous in my life in all ways.
Those seen and those only felt.
I make a decision in moments of my relationship experience to be monogamous or not.
But the S-E-X,
the sex never has anything to do with it.
Outside of a desire to connect, be seen, or enjoy self or another at a more raw level.
Its never about the orgasm.
Its always about the love.
The connection.
The happiness.

And the greatest happiness and deepest connection comes from integrity.

Integrity with self.
With God.
And with others.

The ultimate self love and respect as well comes from this place of not hiding.
Not story telling.
But breathing in ones own TRUTH.

And when we can do this.
We can also elevate our relationships.
Our love.
Our sex.
Our understanding.

As Always
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

Message me for my unannounced Holiday 1:1 Special Now.

This Is Why Your Woman Will Not Pursue You.

Can you imagine starving?
Can you imagine what it must be like to be so hungry and not have food available,
or to not be able to consume the food that is there close to you?
Now I have been hungry before,
there are actually many days that happen where I almost forget about eating. I get so caught up in what I am doing and who I am working with or enjoying,
that food does not cross my mind.
My body though is still hungry.
I might occasionally feel the pains and grumblings of my hunger,
but unless I focus in on it, I can resist it and carry on about what I am doing.
Over time though, my blood sugar get’s low.
My head starts to pound.
I get moody, feel light headed and tired.
I can’t keep focused.
And funny enough, in moments like this, the last thing on my mind is eating.
Instead I wonder about, wondering what’s wrong with me?
Because in the not eating, I forget about food.
 
It never fails though in these moments.
Someone comes along, with something that awakens me to my hunger.
 
I am sure you have had this experience.
You are hungry.
You get side tracked.
You get more hungry.
You ignore the hunger pain.
You dull your senses.
You feel off.
AND THEN……
you smell a burger and fries.
 
Yes, it’s that moment.
You can maybe even smell that burger and fries right now.
You pass that restaurant and you smell it.
 
YUM!!!!!
Your body ignites.
Your stomach yells at you.
Your gut gurgles and says, STOP.
EAT.
 
Okay,
so you can understand this right?
 
Now imagine these two scenarios.
 
1) You are hungry like this. Starving. You catch a whiff of something yummy. Someone walks by you with that burger or steak. You follow them. You smell its juiciness. You can taste it almost. You are so hungry all you desire is a bite. You wish to just taste it. And they look at you and say, “No – my food!”
What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
2) You are hungry like this. Starving. You smell that burger and you decide to run through the drive trough. You order it plus the fries and a soda. You inhale it without thought because of your level of hunger. It’s a piss poor quality burger. It lands in your gut like cement. You feel sick. You feel even worse than before you ate it. You know how bad it was for you and you start to overthink your haste. Now you are upset with yourself for doing what you know you should not have done. You should have waited and taken better care of yourself but the hunger was REAL. What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
In either of these situations,
you are not being fed.
You are not being fulfilled.
There is no real satisfaction.
You just get frustrated.
Irritated.
And want for more, but find yourself KNOWING that what you want is not what you got.
 
Many people when they make poor food choices that make them feel yucky, commit in that moment to not do it again. Or at least not do it to soon again.
 
Many people who are hungry like this, do not choose then to hunt down all the fast food that makes them feel less than good.
 
Many people when they see a link to something causing them issues, choose to either avoid it, or limit their exposure to it.
 
Right?
That seems normal and within logical reason, wouldn’t you agree?
 
Well, here is the thing love.
This tale of starving. Of fast food.
It is actually not about food at all.
It is about satisfaction. Desire. or lack there of.
It is about STARVING.
 
But what I speak of here is the starving of good sex.
The starving of gourmet fulfillment.
I speak here what almost every woman would agree upon if they were raw and real about it.
 
That they are STARVING.
Hungry for something that they hardly get.
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you have sex that you do not feel good from it?
That you actually feel yucky.
 
Can you imagine that you feel 75-80% of the time like it was a waist of time, energy and you feel disconnected and more empty then before you went into the situation?
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you had sex that you did not enjoy it, have an orgasm?
 
All of this and more is accurate when we truly look into female sexual experience.
 
Gentlemen,
You get fed every time you eat.
You eat what you want and you like it most of the time, because shiz,
it’s food and who does not like food.
 
Well us ladies,
75-80% of the time we eat,
we feel sick from it. And we are not really eating,
we are just getting that whiff of the food.
So who wants to sit in their hunger and just catch a whiff at best 75-80% of the time?
 
Who in their right mind would desire,
pursue, look for or even be excited in the least to have that experience?
 
Not too many people I am guessing.
Yet, our partners ( and I say this as a woman who has had a partner want me to desire just this that I speak on plus the hundreds of couple’s that I have worked with over time who have the male partner wanting to be pursued, desired and frustrated with the woman on not doing so)….
 
Our partners, want us to want this for ourselves.
And they wonder why…
why we women shut down.
Why the sex turns from hot to Anniversary, birthday and Christmas sex.
They wonder what is wrong with their female partner to not want such a wonderful, connective, fulfilling thing such as sexual intimacy.
 
And I tell you in my rawest truth here,
THIS IS ONE MAJOR CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.
 
So what is the answer?
How can you fix her issues?
How can you make sure that she get’s fed?
 
 
These are the questions that are asked in couple-hood.
 
First, it is a two way street.
Both parties need to work on it individually and together, communication MUST happen. Things must change in order to get the results desired.
 
Second, You cannot fix her. She is not broken. And she is not a toy for your fixing Mr. Fix It. So effing STOP! You can however become a better lover. You can gain presence, compassion. You can inquire with skill. You can slow the F-ck down. You can actually want her to enjoy and there fore not get irritated and bored with the time she needs to take. You can do your own internal work, emotionally and mentally.
 
Third, you can do the above two.
And of course, if you need more help.
You still don’t know what to do,
to change.
You can seek outside help.
Like mine, ( Yes my shameless plug there…. but it’s true, you have been doing what you have been doing and you have been blind to what is happening until this moment or you have been really good at ignoring it all and hoping that it would just fix itself. That has not worked though. So… insert my shameless plug again please.)
 
And here are the facts,
sex is important. No matter how we try to discredit it.
Sex and money are the two major factors in relationship breakup and happiness.
 
Many people think they have a successful relationship because they look at the longevity of that relationship. The years spent together.
 
However, the truth is that relationship success is not about the years together,
it’s about the joy. The happiness. The over all feeling that the relationship leaves you with.
 
And most relationships under this mindset of success are far from successful.
 
So I ask you today,
are you content having and providing a fast food sex life at best to your relationship? The person you love and cherish?
 
Or is it time that you discover how to truly feed her?
 
Yes the gourmet variety.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
‘Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on my 1:1 global coaching opportunities and more.
 
You deserve a deeply connective, turned on bedroom life and more.

Breathe In Your Orgasm

It’s light hearted,
its shame removing,
it’s triggering as F-ck!
It’s connected and compassionate.
It’s educational and real AF.
It’s how I coach.
 
Yesterday, I was privileged to teach my 9th annual Orgasm Camp. Yes, I just said that ORGASM CAMP.😱
 
We had a packed room as always,
with so many new faces and fresh minds to share with.
It was beautiful to see those who have attended other events or worked with me in some fashion participating in the raw, authentic truth tales around ORGASM.
 
Female Orgasm.
And as usual there were those who could sit in the feeling of orgasm, and all that it means,
and those who could not.
 
What do I mean by sitting in the feeling of orgasm?
 
Orgasm is heightened sensation in the physical body,
it blends into waves of emotion and feelings then arise from that space as well.
It is electrical charges from our brain center that triggers different responses in our bodies, minds and “hearts”.
 
How this translates to yesterdays event….
and to YOU right now.
 
SO in Orgasm Camp,
as sexy as it may sound,
we have a seminar where my co-teacher and I verbally teach about female orgasm and S-E-X. We discuss the mental, emotional and physical aspects of the female sexual body.
Then we take a break and the model get’s ready.
The model then gets undressed and get’s on a table naked…..
 
OMFG! Yes there is a naked woman on a table at Orgasm Camp.
 
Can you feel the energy already?
The triggers going off?
The shame kicking in,
the judgement.
The fear.
The ego.
The desire.
The butterflies.
 
You may be thinking,
“Oh, hell no. I would not got to anything like that.”
 
And you may not.
Many people feel this way,
yet sex,
our intimate bedroom life is one of the main contributors to our happiness,
our confidence,
our body image,
our desire,
our feeling good,
and it plays a significant role in relationship success and happiness.
 
And the majority of people are shut down right HERE.
 
So the model get’s on the table naked,
and then I the teacher, demonstrates some basic tantric and quantum touch techniques on how to activate the body centers and help drop someone down out of the mind space where they can actually embody themselves and FEEL.
 
Little known secret about women’s sex… ( totally being sarcastic right now)🤣😂😛
 
Women need to get out of their head to be able to feel desire,
to be able to open up to sex,
to be turned on.
To want to go there and do it at all,
otherwise they are disconnected and it’s just “duty” based.
 
So I show in class the basics of sensual touch.
I show different touch techniques,
Show different toys,
and skills.
Then we move into revealing the secrets of the clitoris and the g-spot.
And the model…
well she get’s into orgasmic waves.
The real deal waves,
not some Harry met Sally moment waves.
And she show’s ORGASM.
The physical real world changes that occur.
The energetic changes that happen.
And so much more.
 
Now the students,
they sit and witness all of this happening.
They sit and breathe in the energy,
the feeling,
the ORGASM that is moving through the room.
And they feel what they feel in themselves.
 
Often, there is a great number who cannot witness this and choose to leave,
or to go to the restroom.
They tap their toes,
fold their arms and look about the room nervously.
They giggle,
and make under their breath comments,
the do whatever they need to release the energy that they feel coming up in them that they are uncomfortable with.
And they reduce their presence level in the space.
They hide.
They hide form their feelings by side tracking themselves with something.
 
This is a normal, human response to coping with something that is triggering.
We do it in many area’s of our life,
in all relationship,
and we do it to protect ourselves from that which we fear,
and that can potentially go against the grains of what we call our beliefs, our comfort, our understanding.
 
However, when we do this what we do is steal a beautiful opportunity from ourselves to witness our shadow lands,
to expand our knowledge and selves.
We step away from personal expansion and we choose in this moment to shut down to our own growth.
 
I recently read a statement from a a fellow coach/teacher that said,
 
“People will do just about anything to be happy,
except change.”
 
So true this statement is.
And we are all guilty as some level.
 
But when we choose to sit in this energy.
In this feeling,
when we choose to breathe it in and witness our shadow’s and expand them out into the light of revealing our truth,
we GROW.
 
We become more authentic.
And we discover our truth which always leads us to HAPPINESS.
 
Today I ask you to explore what triggers you.
Sit with the feelings that make you uncomfortable,
notice when you want to giggle or laugh,
when you choose to be sarcastic or opinionated,
when you fidget and hide.
 
Ask yourself,
“What am I hiding myself from? What am I fearful of seeing within?”
 
Ask yourself to go deeper into your own realms and DISCOVER a new layer of your truth.
 
Because under your shadows in is your light.
And your POWER.
 
Breathe it in Baby.
You are worthy of who you are.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Live ORGASMICALLY today and be happy in who you are.
 
Reach out to me for deet’s on 1:1 private coaching to tap you into your true power and truth now.
 
You are worthy

Orgasms and Nerves

What happens in the brain during an orgasm?

Without nerves sending impulses back to the spinal cord and brain, an orgasm wouldn’t be possible. Just like any other area of the body, the genitalia contain different nerves that send information to the brain to tell it about the sensation that’s being experienced. This helps to explain why the sensations are perceived differently depending on where someone is being touched. A clitoral orgasm, for example, differs from a vaginal orgasm because different sets of nerves are involved.

Pleasure Center of the Brain: Light It Up

You may have heard that the brain has a pleasure center that lets us know when something is enjoyable and reinforces the desire for us to perform the same pleasurable action again. This is also called the reward circuit, which includes all kinds of pleasure, from sex to laughter to certain types of drug use. Some of the brain areas impacted by pleasure include:

  • amygdala – regulates emotions
  • nucleus accumbens – controls the release of dopamine
  • ventral tegmental area (VTA) – actually releases the dopamine
  • cerebellum – controls muscle function
  • pituitary gland – releases beta-endorphins, which decrease pain; oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust; and vasopressin, which increases bonding

Although scientists have long been studying the pleasure center, there hadn’t been much research about how it relates to sexual pleasure, especially in women. In the late 1990s and the mid-2000s, a team of scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands conducted several studies of both men and women to determine brain activity during sexual stimulation. The team used PET scans to illustrate the different areas of the brain that would light up and shut off during sexual activity. In all of the tests, the subjects were scanned while resting, while being sexually stimulated and while having an orgasm.

Interestingly, they discovered that there aren’t too many differences between men’s and women’s brains when it comes to sex. In both, the brain region behind the left eye, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down during orgasm. Janniko R. Georgiadis, one of the researchers, said, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control” [source: LA Times]. Dr. Gert Holstege stated that the brain during an orgasm looks much like the brain of a person taking heroin. He stated that “95 percent is the same” [source: Science News].

There are some differences, however. When a woman has sex, a part of the brain stem called the periaqueductal gray (PAG) is activated. The PAG controls the “flight or fight” response. Women’s brains also showed decreased activity in the amygdala and hippocampus, which deal with fear and anxiety. The team theorized that these differences existed because women have more of a need to feel safe and relaxed in order to enjoy sex. In addition, the area of the cortex associated with pain was activated in women, which shows that there is a distinct connection between pain and pleasure.

The studies also showed that although women m­ay be able to fool their partners into thinking they’ve had an orgasm, their brains show the truth. When asked to fake an orgasm, the women’s brain activity increased in the cerebellum and other areas related to controlling movement. The scans didn’t show the same brain activity of a woman during an actual orgasm.

But what about people who can’t reach orgasm at all?

Neither Here Nor There: Anorgasmia and Non-genital Orgasms

I­n some cases, we know what causes anorgasmia (the inability to reach orgasm). Drugs like Celexa, Zoloft and Paxil — known as SSRIs, or selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors — are often used to treat depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses. Like most drugs, however, they can have side effects. For some people, this includes sexual ones, including anorgasmia. But why? SSRIs can decrease the brain’s production of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that provides pleasurable feelings and reinforces a person’s desire to once again perform the action that brought him or her pleasure. Sometimes the problem goes away on its own, or it can be resolved by switching to a different antidepressant or taking another drug in addition to the SSRI. However, a small number of people experience post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD) that lasts for days, weeks, months or even years after discontinuing use of an SSRI. The cause of this dysfunction isn’t understood, as stopping the SSRI allows dopamine production to return to normal.

The Dutch studies about orgasms (mentioned earlier), along with others, have also been the basis for continuing research in helping women who are anorgasmic. Dr. Barry Komisaruk at Rutgers University is currently studying women who are anorgasmic and women who are constantly aroused sexually but are unable to reach orgasm. The latter group of women were each put in an MRI scanner where they could see their brain activity on a monitor. Their brain scans showed that the brain thought they were in fact constantly being sexually stimulated. The women then used imagery and other neurofeedback exercises to calm their brains. Dr. Komisaruk believes that anorgasmic women could also learn to read and react to their brain activity to try to reach orgasm.

Perhaps more unusual-sounding than orgasmia is the concept of orgasms that have nothing to do with the genitalia at all. Some people can orgasm from being touched in other places on the body, such as the nipples. In this case, researchers believe that the sensations in the nipples are transmitted to the same areas of the brain that receive information from the genitals. However, people have also reported actually feeling orgasms in other parts of their bodies, including their hands and feet. Several people have even described having orgasms in limbs that were no longer there. One reason may be the layout of the cortical homunculus, a map that shows how different places of the brain’s sensory and motor cortices correspond to the organs and limbs of the body. A person who feels an orgasm in a phantom foot, for example, may have experienced a remapping of the senses because the foot is located next to the genitals in the homunculus. The foot is no longer there to provide sensation, so the area for genital sensation took over the space.

Although we now know more about how orgasms impact the brain than ever before, there’s still a lot that we don’t know. For example, scientists are still debating the evolutionary reason behind the female orgasm. But it’s probably safe to say that most people aren’t too concerned about the “why” — they’d prefer to focus on the whos, whats and whens of sex.

Original ARTICLE on How Stuff Works

Picture Credit: 3D4MEDICAL.COM/GETTY IMAGES

90 Days of No Orgasm- Say What?

“My body is tense and tight as are my emotions and heart. I feel little love, appreciation or compassion let alone toleration. Or perhaps that is all I feel. I am tolerating life. I am tolerating work. I am tolerating my family.  There is no feeling of interconnectedness, no desire washing through me.  I feel lost, alone, depressed without reason, fatigued and sore. I feel loveless and angry. I feel an ever growing panic inside of my soul. As if my life is being stolen and for what?

The smile on my face and my light-hearted attitude that everyone sees is far from my internal reality where it’s more like being trapped in the swamps of some limbo land of the forgotten. I am unseen, unheard and feeling unworthy. Unworthy of being seen, heard, loved, sexed properly, or even cuddled and nurtured. Sure, I can reach out to my children or girlfriends for emotional support and snuggles, but this is not what my soul craves to keep itself alive. No, my soul craves to be held safe in the arms of the masculine. To be loved, adored, cherished and ravished to the marrow in my bones and through every last cell of my physical being. My soul craves with ever expanding fear to be penetrated mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally by the masculine. It needs to weep and laugh while singing its orgasmic rapture before my lover. It needs to feel safe while opening into the darkest corners of vulnerability. It needs to feed like a ravenous vampire on the love that can be expressed and felt during gourmet sexing. It needs to be felt with every tilt and pulse of my pelvis as I wrap my legs around my lover and pull him deeper where he has no choice but to surrender and bow at my alter. Where he can no longer deny my passion, my thirst for him and for life. My soul needs to burn. It needs to be ignited and seen. It needs to be felt and embraced in return.

Alas, this is not the case. Instead my soul is dying. It is dim and lifeless. It lives in its own shadow of a time since gone. Instead I feel numbness that is not numb but painful. My body is over ridden with what feels like a plague. I question existence, purpose, and reason. I question my worth. Looking inward I see a woman who is lost and feels like life has been stripped away, yet there is still a glimmer of hope. This glimmer is hungry, it wants so badly to be strong and to push forward. It wants to feel again, to live again, to heal and most of all it wants to breathe.

 

90 days is a short time line. You can do anything for 90 days, right?

90 days is a extremely long time as well. It can change your whole chemical, molecular being. It can retrain your thoughts and it can open you up to the vastness that life has to offer, or it can shut you down and make you question life.

90 days can heal you.

90 days can torture you.

It only takes 90 days to turn a turned on woman into a woman who is under-fucked, bitter, numb and on the verge of hysteria. How do I know this? Because I am that woman.  I am that turned on woman in the spot light, leading others to a turned on state of being and I am also that under-fucked woman crying out from the shadows of the dungeon of hysteria begging for mercy. That mercy being orgasm.

Orgasm use to come to me so easily. I could easily have 20+ orgasms in one love making session. I would experience clitoral, G-spot, cervical, female ejaculation and emotional orgasms just to name a few. They would course through my veins and roll through my body with ease, feeding me. Leaving me fulfilled and with so much to give to the people and world around me. I felt youthful, alive, confident, connected, passionate, full of desire and certainty. I could move through obstacles with faith and love. “

90 days of no orgasm sends you in another direction though.

29 things that 90 days of No Orgasm Gets You- My Personal Observation

  • Irregular periods
  • Heavier menstrual flow with more pain and moodiness
  • A constant feeling of female blue balls- aching in my pelvis
  • Less fluid stride in my walking
  • Decreased confidence
  • Depressed
  • Anxious
  • Headaches and body pain
  • Decreased immune system- keep getting sick, always feel sick and cannot get well quickly
  • Fatigue
  • Increased hunger
  • Weight gain
  • My once clear skin now has numerous acne breakouts
  • Feeling of hopelessness
  • Zero desire for anything
  • A short fuse – limited patience/toleration and understanding
  • Once clear head now has mental chatter
  • Breast tenderness
  • Zero libido
  • Emotional out bursts
  • Crying almost daily
  • Anger that creeps into rage
  • Fear to move forward with things
  • Lumps and tender spots on or around my pussy
  • Vaginal dryness
  • Random Yeast infections
  • Sensitive vaginal skin that tears easily
  • Pain during and after any sexual play
  • A feeling of disconnectedness to everything including my children, family, lover and friends. As well as G-d.

This may seem crazy to many who read this. How can all of that happen to a woman just from not having orgasm in her life?

But it does.

Science has been proving for a long time that orgasm is a vital nutrient to the feminine. It helps keep us women stabilized, positive and connected. In my practice I work with many women who have not had an orgasm for years, possibly even a life time. I also work with women who have become addicted to clitoral orgasms but believe or have not had anything deeper than this. Keeping them in a quick fix mode of orgasm which is often the case in female masturbation practices or even in our sexing.

Ancient spiritual based practices, dating back 7,000+ years spoke and taught on how important orgasm, real orgasm not just climax was to the feminine. It goes far past our physical well being and even our psychological well being. Orgasm is the well spring of creation and connection to the divine. To God. When we women do not have true orgasm in our lives and a space to surrender to our lover and our orgasm then we turn off to life. We disconnect from our partner, from our world and from ourselves. We move from the embodiment of self and radiance to living in our heads and just “dealing” with this thing called life. Life becomes about the duty instead of the living.

Unfortunately, we live in a world of under-fucked women. I say under-fucked not to sound crude and that women “should be” fucked, but to make the point that women do need to be held in a space for a long enough time frame with a safe masculine that can stand in her fires, in her tears and in her orgasm. This masculine can not be forced on her. He must earn her. Earn her trust. Her heart and her orgasm. This is not a space that many men are familiar with nor have they been taught about in todays society. However, when the chosen masculine is there holding this space then the woman can release into the greatest depths of surrender with herself and with him, thus creating the feeling that he has fucked her wide open to the universe. It is in this space that the feminine gets filled with love and with orgasm to her core. All other concepts of orgasm are nothing more than illusions and hoaxes.

Clitoral orgasm is a masculine orgasm. It is sharp, quick and what I call fast food. It feels good for the moment but that is all it gives you a moment and you find yourself hungry and feeling empty shortly thereafter. It also trains the body and mind to accept less than what is possible. Once we believe that this is all that orgasm is then many never think to venture further down the path to find true fulfillment.

But this is us settling for something that will never be anything more.

In todays society and way of thinking we claim to desire so much yet few are willing to go out and make their desires a reality. We settle for the lessor car because it is economical, the lessor house because the school district is what we think is better, the lessor relationship because it is better then no relationship and he/she is nice. We settle for the lessor orgasm because we don’t know that there is anything better and we don’t have the time to get it. So, we settle.

I could easily be writing this about masculine orgasm as well, however I am not. Focusing on the feminine because this topic is near and dear to my heart and my pussy. The above share is my truth about a time that I went longer than 90 days without orgasm. I had to learn how to surrender to myself in other ways to escape the lack of orgasm that I had in my sexing. I had to rediscover myself and my passion in other areas to ignite my orgasm again so that I could have it. I had to lean into my pain and fear and face them with love for self and life. I had to go back to the roots of my desires and start there. FRESH.

This is the path that every woman who is without true orgasm must take. The answer to connecting to an orgasmic life is to learn how to surrender to life. To embody yourself and to discover your core desires.

I share this musing with you in hopes that you will do just these three things and give yourself permission to live the orgasmic, turned-on life that you deserve.

3 Keys to Opening Up to Your Orgasm

  • Daily practice pussy communication. This is a foundational practice to reconnect you to your pussy. If you are living in your head then you are not embodying yourself. If you do not get back into your body then you will have limited to no sensation and you are blocking yourself from your divine feminine as well. Meaning that you have muted your intuition. Intuition is an art of blending voice of spirit with feelings and physical sensations of the body. By focusing on communication with your pussy on a daily basis you will tap back into your truth and feel more led by your core. Things will start to work out in your favor more and you will also start hearing your voice of desire again. To do this exercise all you need is a quiet space and your hands. Take your left hand and place it on your heart, your right hand and place it on your pussy. Now just breathe deep into your stomach, pulling the breath down as far as you can to allow your tummy to expand. Hold the breath for a moment and inquire with your pussy, “What message do you have for me?” From here move into a dialogue with your pussy as you focus on your breathing and feel for the sensations that she has to share with you. Ask her questions such as, “How do you feel about this relationship? – This job? – This move?” etc. Then listen to the sensations in your body. Your body’s wisdom is your soul speaking to you about what is best for your highest and greatest good.
  • Vulva Love Practice. Set aside time each day or at very lest 3 times a week to do this goddess practice. Set up a space that is pretty to all your senses. If possible, do this practice outside a few times with the sun shining down on your pussy. Create a sacred space with smells, music and different textures that you enjoy and find relaxing. Allow yourself to relax into this space as you gently massage your vulva with your favorite oil (I suggest unscented coconut oil). Make slow strokes and really allow yourself to feel all the sensations of your fingers running across your pubis mound and vaginal lips. Massage and stroke for feelings of pleasure NOT orgasm or climax.  Notice how good it feels to just feel the soft, conscious touch.  Next stroke with the intent of love and appreciation. With each stroke say out loud or internal words of love and appreciation to your pussy. Speak of her beauty. Her ability to receive pleasure and give pleasure. Her ability to manifest life. Speak of her warmth, her velvety softness. Remember to say thank you to your pussy for all that she has given you and that you value her guidance in your life.
  • Pussify Your Life. In this exercise you only need to ask your pussy for her feelings about something. This is a beautiful practice to focus us women on embodiment to self, something that many of us have lost in our modern world. To start and give you a feel for this practice, take on your under-ware and bra drawers. Take each pair of panties out and one by one hold them up to your pussy. Now ask, “Do you like this pair of panties?” Then feel what sensations come up in your body. Notice your emotions around each garment. If you have anything other than a strong F-ck YES! To the garment then toss it without question into a get rid of pile. Do this with all your panties and then move to your bra’s. If you want to really pussify your world, move to your closet and clean it with the guidance of your pussy instead of your logical brain. The result is that you will find yourself with ONLY garment that make you feel good. You will clear out all the things that you thought you needed for some logical reason or have been holding onto to be smart or out of fear of not replacing it. When you do this, you will now not only be honoring yourself and your emotions, you find that you are more turned on to life and feeling better about what you look like as well.

You are a divine, beautiful woman who deserves orgasm in her life.

For you to have all the orgasm that you want, sexually and generally in life, you MUST own your ORGASM and open to fully receiving the blessings that the universe and your pussy have for you.

This is a decision though.

Do you want a Turned- On Life?

Do you desire a life full of rapture and blessing?

Do you crave a fairytale relationship?

Do you desire gourmet sex?

Then choose YOU!

Choose Orgasm.

Choose to EMBODY YOU.

–KW

Virectin Reviews: Will It Really Boost Your Testosterone Levels?

Hypogonadism, a medical condition amongst men where the body is unable to synthesize and distribute an adequate supply of testosterone through their body, is a common concern amongst older men, especially those aged 40 and above. Testosterone is a hormone that is present in men and women, but it plays a much more significant role in the male body. From the proper development of male characteristics during puberty to the ability to produce a masculine physique in adulthood, this hormone is essential for male wellbeing. When levels of testosterone drop too low, a man can develop numerous symptoms that may not only be unpleasant but also potentially dangerous.

While male hypogonadism is often associated with age, it is important to note that there are men with adequate levels of testosterone even at a senior age; thus, it is often considered a medical concern when a man’s testosterone levels drop significantly. Treatment is available, most often in the form of testosterone replacement therapy, but this type of treatment is not suitable for every patient. Acne, sleep apnea, tender and swollen breasts, as well as swollen ankles, are only some of the side-effects men can experience when opting for this treatment, as reported by Harvard Health.

Low Testosterone Effects In Men

Low testosterone can cause both direct and indirect symptoms to develop. Since the hormone is responsible for a man’s sex drive, men usually find that their libido suffers greatly when their testosterone levels drop too low. In turn, this can also cause symptoms of erectile dysfunction, as well as other sexual dysfunctions, such as premature ejaculation.

Men’s Hormonal Health explains that low testosterone causes emotional, physical and mental symptoms to develop. This can include fatigue, lower muscle mass, an increase in body fat, signs of osteoporosis, pain in the back, as well as higher levels of cholesterol. Men are also at a higher risk of experiencing a heart attack when they do not have a sufficiency supply of testosterone in their body.

Virectin And Testosterone

With the side-effects of testosterone therapy taken into account, men often seek out methods they can utilize to increase their testosterone levels without having to undergo these potentially problematic treatments. This brings us to a particular supplement named Virectin. Virectin is a natural solution that has been researched by a team of experts and contains a proprietary formula designed to address common problems that men experience, especially after the age of 40.

Virectin is often deemed as one of the best testosterone booster’s due to the numerous beneficial herbal extracts, plant extracts and nutrients the formula contains. The product does not utilize any harmful chemicals and contains no synthetic testosterone, such as in the case of testosterone replacement therapy; thus, making it a solution that might assist with treating low testosterone without causing the harmful effects that the pharmaceutical treatment options may cause.

The question, however, is whether or not this supplement can increase testosterone levels in men who are suffering from the most common symptoms that are associated with male hypogonadism. That is what we would like to look at, by considering the ingredients, the working process and, of course, customer testimonials.

Customer Testimonies

A large number of Virectin reviews can be found all over the internet. There are a lot of supplement reviewers who have bought the supplement and provided their opinion on the product, as well as regular consumers that have used the product and left a review at the source of their purchase. We see that a majority of these reviews tend to be in a positive light, with quite a lot of reviews stating that the product has helped the user gain better erections, as well as keep those erections hard during sex for a longer period than they were able to before turning to Virectin.

Direction’s website also contains a page that has been dedicated to sharing the success stories of past male users. This page offers various stories and testimonies that were sent to Virectin by men who have purchased and used Virectin before. The product seems to take care of erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, a lack of sex drive and even fatigue experienced during sex.

Virectin Ingredients

  • Looking at the ingredients of Virectin will help us determine if this product might be useful in boosting a man’s testosterone, as well as with enhancing certain traits in their sexual life to help the man perform better while he is having sexual intercourse with his partner.
  • Maca Root ‑ Maca root has been proven to provide men with a large number of benefits ‑ both inside and outside the bedroom. The Maca Team explains that maca root powder is often utilized for increasing male libido, but this ingredient is also an effective erectile function booster. Furthermore, in some cases, the plant root extract can also help to stimulate the production of testosterone when levels of this hormone are too low in the male body.
  • Tribulus Terrestris ‑ This ancient herb has been used for thousands of years to enhance the overall performance of both men and women. It is also used as an aphrodisiac to increase a man’s interest in sex. In some cases, men also turn to Tribulus Terrestris to help them treat certain sexual dysfunctions. Virectin also claims that this ingredient may help the user experience a boost in testosterone levels.
  • L-Arginine HCL ‑ This may just be one of the most beneficial ingredients that have been added to the Virectin formula. While this particular ingredient may not directly influence levels of testosterone, Healthline reports that it has been shown to possess some promising effects amongst men who are suffering from erectile dysfunction. L-Arginine HCL increases the nitric oxide levels in the body; thus causing an improvement in the dilation of blood vessels. This, in turn, leads to a higher concentration of blood entering the penis when a man has an erection.

Final Words

Men over 40 years of age are at a higher risk of developing hypogonadism than younger men, but this condition can develop in anyone ‑ even those who are younger than 40. The development of hypogonadism is not only a health risk but also affects a man’s quality-of-life. With the use of Virectin, men can experience an improvement in their erectile function, a relieve of premature ejaculation, and their testosterone production might even be increased.

Guest Expert & Author Bio

David Gomes by profession is a Health and Wellness expert. He lives in Oakland, California, USA. He loves to write on a variety of topics such as Men’s Health, Weight Loss, Beauty and Skin Care for blogs and on-line publication sites.

The Purpose of A Coach- Sex or Other, We Are All The Same.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? 
 
Exhausted from seemingly nothing? 
 
Have you ever just stood outside under the stars and moon, raised your hands up to the heavens in frustration and asked, ‘Why?’ Why is this life so full of chaos, pain, and suffering?
 
Have you ever just gasped for breath as if you may not have another to give this life? 
 
I have! This is also why I have multiple coaches in my life.
 
The first half of this year was just that for me. It seemed that all of my beautiful, impressive intentions that I had written down and had been ‘working’ so hard at creating had just been kicked to the curb by chaos.
 
After much turmoil at its start, looking back I can say that the first 6 months of 2017 was very productive, had some good spot’s of personal healing to be refocused on and even the recoiling of old patterns needed to happen with good reason. I often get asked why the same things come up again and again? Why do we have to explore/experience or look at something multiple times? 
 
The answer is simple: We do this so that we can heal it at deeper levels. When we first went through the event we were at one level in our understanding, then as time passes we grow (well hopefully we do…we at least change somewhat) – the event comes back around either through our thoughts or shows up again in a new way but is offering us the gift to heal it from a higher consciousness… a deeper understanding of self and or the world. If we did not have this offering to heal our traumas from many different vantage points through life we would carry a wound that would NEVER heal. Therefore we would not be able to become all that we could become because we can only grow to the level that our wound is healed. 
 
So as you move through this coming summer think about what is it that you want to consciously work on?
 
Where on your path are you seeing what feels like a staleness or perhaps you feel like your dealing with the same events repeatedly or even have hit a wall?
 
If you apply awareness to these areas and ask for them to be worked through at this new place of understanding you are then releasing the chains on G-d/ the universe/divine consciousness so that the gateways can open to you and present the opportunities needed to make it happen. This is an important piece to the coaching path… 
 
You MUST ask for the awareness and have the desire to move forward. 
 
Your coach can only do so much for you. We coaches lead, direct and comfort. We CANNOT do the work for you though. You have to do your own work. You have to take seriously the “hope-play or work” that you are given and you need to COMMIT not to your coach, but to the process and to YOURSELF!!!!
 
Lately people are asking me to clarify what it is that I do as a sex and relationship coach. I have received numerous emails and messages on LinkedIn, FaceBook, and other social networks as well as emails and calls asking: What do you do? And Why would I need a coach for sex?
 
The biggest question inevitably comes back to asking me if I would sexually interact with a client. My response is simple: No I do not interact sexually with my clients. I am a coach not a surrogate.
 
So now that we have addressed this question, what is it that I do as a coach in the niche of sex and relating?
I think one of the best quotes I have heard on coaching is this:
 
“Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”– John Whitmore
 
No matter the niche we coaches work in, we are all doing the same thing. We are focused on helping you be the best you, you can be. As a coach I know that all the answers you desire are inside you. What you need is someone to help you uncover them and teach you how to use what you discover in your own inner depths. You also, need someone who will stand by your side without judgement of where you are at or how you are choosing to show up in the moment. 
 
To quote Skills You Need on Coaching: 

The ‘Inner Game’

“No discussion of coaching would be complete without mention of Timothy Gallwey and his insights into the ‘inner game’.

Gallwey’s book, The Inner Game of Tennis, revolutionised thinking about coaching. He suggested that the biggest obstacles to success and achieving potential were internal, not external. His insight was that coaches could help individuals to improve their game by distracting them from their inner dialogue and, in particular, the critical voice that said “Not like that! Concentrate on your hands! Angle it differently!”.

By distracting that inner voice, the body could take over. It turns out that often the body has a very clear idea of what to do when internal dialogues are suppressed. Gallwey used the example of asking people to focus on the height at which they hit the tennis ball. This activity has no relevance in itself, but the simple act of focusing on it distracted the inner voice and enabled the capable body to take over. The individual relaxed and their tennis improved immediately.

Gallwey’s real insight was that this didn’t just apply to tennis, but that individuals generally did have the answers to their own problems within themselves.

The essential part of coaching, then, is to help people to learn to silence that inner voice and allow their instincts, or their subconscious, to take over. Sometimes that means distracting it, and sometimes it’s about exploring the ‘worst case scenario’ and removing the fear.”

And this folk’s is what I do as a Sex & Relationship Coach.

I help you overcome your fears around sex and authentic relating. 
I help you witness yourself and be witnessed by others for your true self, not the fake person that you put out to the world, your boss, your children, your sister or brother, parents and friends and YES EVEN your spouse or lover!
 
I help you relearn how to have sex and relate from a place of love and acceptance verses judgement, control and shame.
 
I help you silence your cray-cray’s and embrace your divine self and all the orgasm it has to give to this life.
 
I help you be YOU unapologetically.
 
My particular coaching style leans into a mentorship with the support of some counseling as we walk the path to your inner knowing.
 
In sex as in life you need support, accountability, exercises to develop skills and help overcoming hurdles. Here is where you find my hand reaching out to you if you desire a life of full abundance and ORGASM!
” We speak about sex to almost anyone BUT the one’s we are having it with. Why? Because it is to vulnerable and they may judge us. We fear being seen by our lovers because of the shame that we carry around our sex. If you could only realize that this same fear and shame wraps itself around your money and life experience and that by healing your sex you tap into the F-uck Yes! Life you truly desire.” – KW
 
 
Life is happening NOW!
Where are you at?

Erotic Massage for Lovers: Sexual Touch To Arouse And Gratify Your Partner

The act of touch can heal wounds and draw couples together by showering love onto our lover’s body parts that store repressed emotions and then, set them free. Erotic massage is an act of unconditional service to our beloved. It communicates a message that we understand where our lover is coming from and we accept them as they are, along with their frailties and vulnerabilities. By first relaxing our partners in a safe space, we erotically arouse them to transcend illusions in a relationship.

The Power of Sensual Massage

“As a society, we are touch deprived. We are taught that touch often is dangerous or something to fear, to be ashamed of,” opines Ms. Amy McBain, Sexual Shaman, Creator of Intentional  Orgasm and author of Intentional Orgasm: Changing the world one orgasm at a time. She adds that in truth, healthy  touch in all relationship benefits our whole beings, “Touch provides a way for each partner to surrender and be fully in the moment. It is through touch that everything else comes and is improved”

“Failure to thrive is just as real for adults who don’t receive loving touch as it is for infants,” says Intimacy Coach, Ms. Kendal Williams and Creator of www.tantrictransformation.com. According to Kendal, our souls chose to inhabit a physical body so it is touch that is one of the essential ways we experience things in the physical realm, and how we can show our love for one another and truly embody it.

Deepen Your Pleasure Through Self-Love

“I don’t believe you can have a fully satisfying relationship with another, until you have a fully satisfying relationship with yourself,” says Ms. McBain. She further adds, that you have to do your own self work, dark night of the soul work, so you know who you are, before you can share yourself with another. And that includes, getting really in touch with your own sexual energy, which is source energy. According to Ms. McBain, an orgasm is the vehicle by which your soul came into physical existence- so any disconnect from your own orgasm and inherent divine sacred sexuality will result in a disconnect from others and disconnect from the rest of your life.

Our erotic lives are only a mirror of our other lives,” says Ms. Williams. She feels that having a loving  and accepting relationship with self first means that we are compassionate toward ourselves and do not self punish for our humanness but instead embrace ourselves and love deeper. Ms. Williams adds, “Through self love and acceptance, we gain a peace and confidence and in this peace and confidence, we experience and love others at a more penetrating level.”

Setting The Stage

“In tantric massage, the focus is on interconnecting everything. It is a flow. A dance,” says Ms. Williams. To set up a massage and create a sacred space, the most important detail needed, according to Ms. Williams, is out internal state of being and our intent for what we are giving and receiving.”

“Physically, the room is typically either dimly lit or bright with sunshine, depending on the intent of what you are focusing on,” adds Ms. Williams. “Some sacred spaces may be set up with altars, incense, music, candles and even protective boundaries such as a circle of salt or crystals placed in each corner of the space. Others may be simple and have only a blanket, pillow, candle and nature sounds.”

Ms. McBain also suggests using special music, essential oils, incense, sage, candles and heat to overwhelm the senses. She says, “Clear the space before and after. Set intentions into the space for the receiver.”

Circulate Sexual Energy With Massage Tricks

The basic massage techniques that we can use to give our partners pleasure, are, firm strokes, soft strokes, feather strokes, breath, nail biting, says Ms. Williams. She adds, “Use warm oil or candles, ice, feathers, silk and fur. Be playful and don’t second guess your intuition. Take it slow. You are making love to every inch of your partner through your conscious touch.”

With permission from your partner, Ms. Williams opines, you may want to try prostate massage, G-spot massage, clitoral stimulation, oral pleasure or use a chosen toy.

Ms. McBain does shamanic energy balancing massage-utilizing specific touches that evoke the energies of the earth, water, air and fire to balance those energies within a person and activating energy sources for them.

Expressing Sensuality Through Your Whole Body

Ms. McBain suggests using your full body to balance your lover’s energy fields. She says, “Lay your whole body on them to ground their earth energy, rub your breasts and other body parts, slowly, sensually to activate their water energy, your breath and a very light touch to activate their air energy. I also use my genitals on specific body parts, like, my clitoris to their third eye, to bring in a balance of their divine feminine to create interesting energy currents.

Ms. Williams reminds that in giving a massage, you are giving or gifting the experience to someone else. So, make it about them and not you. She says, “It’s important to pay attention to what feels good to you and listen to your intuition on things. Go slow in whatever stroke you choose and with the part of your body you are using.”

Stimulating Your Beloveds’ Erogenous Zones

Erotic tantric massage covers the whole body, toe to head, says Ms. Williams. She explains, “I say toe to head because we start at the feet and move upward with purpose. Through the feet, we help relax and ground the whole being. We also tap into acupressure points that stimulate internal organs and help them function better. Feet and legs are also big erogenous zones for many people, especially women. Then, move up the body to the hips, buttocks, and lower back, massage firmly, slowly. Teasing the skin with feathers, light touch or breath can be very erotic.”

Knowing your partner’s erogenous zones is helpful, Ms. Williams adds. According to her, erotic tantric massages stimulate the genitals but does not focus in on the genitals. It is truly a dance of interweaving the whole body in an erotic fashion.”

Conclusion

Massage can create excitement in an otherwise stale relationship as well as set a trustworthy foundation  in a newly bonded couple. It helps lovers to cue to each other’s needs and bridge emotional distances. Massage is a responsive platform to keep our promise to our beloved- by including erotic movements that help them feel safe, seen and understood.

ORIGINAL INTERVIEW WAS POSTED ON Master Psychic Online

Written by: Mishka

I’m a Sex Coach, Not a Sex Worker

As of late, I have been under a bit of scrutiny from several people about my sex coaching business, everywhere from friends to family to other colleagues who all have misconstrued beliefs about what sex coaches do. Honestly, I am not shocked because the truth is that sex coaching is fairly new in mainstream consciousness. If you met ten sex coaches, they would also all have a slightly different way of coaching and different elements that are included in this coaching. Even in my local area, I can think of several sex coaches, and every single one of us approaches coaching in a different manner. Some use more direct talking methods, some incorporate more spiritual practices, some use more straight education, and others are more experiential. This is on top of the fact that sex is still a taboo topic in our society, so it’s no wonder that I get both horrified and intrigued looks when I share with others the career I am so passionate about.

There’s a vast variety of questions and assumptions that people have when hearing that myself and my fellow colleagues are sex coaches. That being said, the one that comes up the most is, “Are you a prostitute? So you have sex with your clients?”

I do not have sex with my clients. Again, I do not have sex with my clients! And one more time since people struggle to hear this one, I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MY CLIENTS! I have zero judgments against individuals who choose to make a living via prostitution. In my life, I have known several women who have been sex workers to survive and, unfortunately, were forced to do so illegally due to our current laws. It makes me very happy to see places like Vegas that are trying to take the oldest career known to man and make it safer for both the client and the sex worker. Sex is a normal and natural pleasure afforded to us as humans that keeps us healthy and vibrant. It’s not my place to say if someone needs or desires to pay someone to have these needs met because, honestly, not everyone is lucky enough to have a committed partner. I believe in sex work when done in a safe and consensual manner.

That being said, I am not a prostitute. All the sex coaches I know (and I know quite a few) and I have the policy that they do not have intercourse or perform or receive oral sex from clients. I have written that on my website in several places and tell clients when I first meet them that although I am helping people with sex, this does not mean I am having sex with them. Yet, it is a question I get asked almost weekly. And it is actually one that has provided my colleagues and me with some funny stories.

One day, I was doing an initial Tantric mindfulness session—which includes some meditation, breathing, and Kundalini activation—with a brand new client. My sex coaching practice was somewhat new, and as he felt his sexual energy activate, he opened his eyes, looked right at me, and said, “I’ve decided that I want to practice having Tantric sex, and you love Tantric sex, and so you’re going to have Tantric sex with me next time.” I lifted one eyebrow and reminded him of all the different times we had discussed boundaries and how sex is not a part of sex coaching. He became desperate and began gyrating his hips to “show me” how good he would be at this practice. I worked incredibly hard at not bursting into hysterics at that moment, and once I had composed myself, I set some limits with him, and unfortunately, he chose not to have any more sessions with me after that initial session. It is definitely a story that I will always remember and one that has provided me with vital learning lessons—no matter how much I state what I DON’T do, there will always be people that don’t want to hear it.

Different practitioners have different boundaries surrounding the level of touch, if any, and also the nature of what happens in sessions. But unless it is specifically stated that we are offering sexual surrogacy, then they most likely are not offering to have sex with their clients. And honestly, even many sex surrogates don’t actually have intercourse with clients.

That being said, am I going to try to help stir some sexual energy? Yes! Our sexual energy (Kundalini energy) is what keeps us alive, what you tap into during many yoga practices, and what gives us as humans much of our drive. I view our sexual energy as a major tool in manifesting the lives we want, as the spiritual connection we are looking for, and as a way to take the connection within ourselves and in relationships to a deeper place. However, this energy can be stirred simply by breathing! I, personally, am not just a sex coach but actually first and foremost a Tantric practitioner who utilizes these principles in my practice. This still does not mean I am having sex with my clients!

In our society, and especially in the Bible belt, many practices are shunned without a true and honest understanding. People allow their ignorance to speak first without asking questions. Just like sex coaching is not as it appears, neither is the practice of Tantra, which is not solely about sex but instead about weaving our energy throughout life. The aspects that are sexual are about bringing greater awareness and honor into our sex lives and using this awareness to bring us closer to our spiritual source, ourselves, and our partners. I know having honor and true worship during sex is a foreign concept to many in the Western world, where porn, objectification, and hookup culture are rampant, but this is the true nature of Tantra and what I teach in my sex coaching practice. So I view the use of Tantra as important in not only my sex coaching but also coaching of any kind because, at the end of the day, most humans desire more fulfilling and happier lives.

As a sex coach, I want you to be able to dig deeper into your own feelings, thoughts, and beliefs surrounding sex. I want you to learn to connect with your own body and your partner’s body in new and exciting ways. I want you to experience energy in sessions that is orgasmic … but not necessarily have what is typically seen as orgasm/climax in session.

So if I’m not having sex with you, then what am I doing?

I’m holding a space for you to talk about your shame, your desires, your sexual difficulties. I’m helping you reawaken your energy and passion while creating the life you have always dreamed of having. I am educating you on chakras, your genitals, your partner’s genitals, breathing, orgasm, and basically anything you can think of in regards to sex. I am helping you feel more into your body and recognize that your sexual energy, when used throughout your life, will provide you with a new level of energy and vitality and the ability to attack your life.

Honestly, yes, there will be dildos, “pussy pillows,” lube, and other sex toys for demonstrations, so if this offends you, then I suggest you not come into my office. There will most definitely be words used that may make you blush and conversations that make you squirm a little, and that’s okay. I’m not here to have sex with you, but I am here to reintroduce you to your sex.

My work is done mostly with your brain, your heart, and your soul, not your genitals!

Written by Addison Bell

Wanting, Willing & Taking – Understanding Desire

” A gift unopened is a gift not valued.”- KW

threesome

” There I lay with my legs spread wide open as I looked my lover in the eye’s. He was sweating, heated, passionate. Full of arousal and pleasure. His turn on was fulfilling at a deep level. With every thrust of his cock I could sense that this experience was beyond his anticipation and I was honored that I could gift him with it. As he thrusted himself into another’s woman pussy and she was devouring mine I could tell that the sheer act that I would be open to another woman going down on me and to make matters even more divine that she would be eating me out while he was having his way with her doggy style and getting to watch her enjoying me was by far the best Christmas present I could have come up with.

As she gasped for air and moaned from her pleasure and turn on he too became more aroused and leaned deeper into his own pleasure. From my vantage their joy and pleasure were beyond beauty. I found myself caught not in pleasure, not in rapture or orgasm of the physical realms but that of a deep emotional love for this man. In this moment I truly was not body present, if anything I was physically turned off from my own orgasm, but what I had discovered was a sexual giving that could not be touched and a beauty and appreciation for this world and our sex that I did not understand prior.

The adventure moved forward and before long I found myself in a 69 position with this woman and my partner now taking turns fucking her pussy up close and personal not more that a few inches away from eyes and face and then occasionally pulling out of her and thrusting deep into my mouth. Every time he switched from pussy to mouth or vise versa I could see the pulsing energy of his cock expand and he wanted so badly to take all that he could out of this moment. Once again I found myself hearing her moans, feeling her body on top of mine, her breathing changing and her body quivering, her pussy dripping with juices and wanting more but I could not feel her tongue, her lips and fingers as they danced along my vulva and found themselves in me. No, once again I was not able to truly drop down into my body and feel what was happening. But I could feel the high orgasmic energy of my partner and of our playmate. In this instance I found a new arousal yet again, it was a sort of mystery and joy combined in some sexual dance as I watched his cock and balls penetrate and slap up against her and then felt him not just quiver but literally vibrate as he penetrated my mouth. Holding his very hard cock deep in my throat, just past that tight spot I could get little gasps of air as he pulsed and moaned. This, this made me aroused. This activated me some.

Before long I was now on my back, our playmate sitting back sharing how great her view was. My pussy wide open before her and my partner now between my legs now taking me fully while she watched and masturbated to our live lovemaking scene. I could hear her moan, I could smell her in the room. His groans and growls with his ever deepening penetration was a turn on but once again, it was a mental and emotional turn on, it was a deeply intimate affair that made my heart leap with joy but my orgasm was no where to be found physically.”

This was a small take away from my first ever threesome with another woman. I had decided that I was going to gift my partner with something that he had always desired. A fantasy of his and I was over joyed that the whole experience was so beautiful. I still hold so much gratitude to the woman that we chose to share this moment with and who helped to deepen our intimacy as a couple. I wanted to gift the man I love with something I knew he had never been given and I was ecstatic that I was a woman who was willing to play in territories that were not always comfortable or about myself. I had not always been this way, my self-doubt, guilt, shame and concepts of giving and receiving had changed tremendously through the years and still do from time to time as I learn about myself and my own needs and desires. However I can say that the ability to share oneself without a need to receive is something that I cherish in myself. I also cherish the fact that I am extremely comfortable stating my boundaries and desires as well as needs in these areas.

As much as I love to give without receiving I also am not afraid to ask for what I desire. I have learned that giving of this nature can only happen when I myself am in a state of fullness and even better if my cup runneth over with orgasmic bliss already, as in these times are when I am not only willing to give and excited about it, but I want to give freely. In such moments I find my orgasm in others. I feel it when they express their joy, their pleasure. I feel my turn on not in the physical but in my heart and I experience a deeper layer of orgasmic living through this. These moments to me are very unsexual. They are playful education that help me remain in a state of acceptance, appreciation and openness.

This is where one’s willingness and wanting come together in a perfect dance to share love with someone in a special format that is not often understood by any of the parties in the moment it is happening. This is sharing of the unconditional sort.

Willingness Vs. Wanting

We all think that we understand the difference of these two. It seem’s pretty simple. Does it not?

“I am willing to help you move this weekend even though I actually want to just crash and veg on the couch because I am exhausted from the week.”

“I want to go to see Doctor Strange but am willing to see Moana instead.”

These are simple things to see the act of willingness with. The act of giving to another and not doing exactly what we want in the moment so that another can have pleasure with us, or through us  or accomplish something that they might need or want to but would like our help with. This does not make the person receiving self-centered. It does allow them to be selfish though and selfishness is not a bad thing as long as we are willing to be grateful for it, give back when possible and do not ever put another into a situation of harm or trauma.

When we are self-centered we tend to not be concerned about others. In these times we express our desires for what we feel are our needs or wants and we do not stop to think about the cost to others, nor do we care. When we are self-centered we are like a bull in a friends china shop and we disregard everything but what we are focused on. We also typically do not allow for space to occur for someone else to make a decision of how they feel or if they want, are willing or otherwise around whatever we are pushing for.

Let me share a brief story to help clarify self-centeredness in sexing:

A few years back I worked with a couple and the main spiff they had was around anal sex. The man loved anal sex and the woman occasionally liked it but most of the time was not interested as it was not her major turn on and she had even been hurt during it a few times. The husband could not understand why his wife would not always enjoy this practice so he thought that if he insisted on doing it more consistently and “assured her” that she liked it during the process that she would get a clue and start to enjoy it as much as he did.

When I spoke to the husband he always shared his concern that she was not understanding how great this act was or her own pleasure. He was convinced that her complaints were false and that for some reason she was just trying to take away his pleasure. When I spoke with the wife she shared that it hurt horribly and his aggressive nature, lack of asking her if she was wanting or even willing to play like this caused her a lot of stress. She was ready to pull the plug on the marriage if it continued. And she did in the end. The husband was shocked that she would divorce him for asking for what he wanted and it being such a small matter at that.

This couple shares a true tale of one partner being self-centered and ONLY concerned about his own pleasure and gratification. To the point of insisting that his wife did not understand what was happening with her own body and emotions.

That is not selflishness though!

Selfishness is another animal all together. We miss use the word all the time and therefore tend to wrap guilt and shame around something that is actually needed and we should have more of.
Yes I just said that you and I alike NEED to be selfish more!

Selfishness is when we ask for what we need. Selfishness does not mean that we will always get what we are asking for or that we should, it simply says that we know that we need something and that we know that we need to take care of ourselves. If we need another to help us fulfill this then we need to ask for it but if we can achieve it without another or can look elsewhere then often it is more than okay to do this as long as we remain in openness and integrity.

An example of being selfish would be:

After I had my seventh child I was having a really tough time gaining feeling back in my vaginal walls. It took me almost twice as long as previous postpartums. That did not stop my libido though, but the over tiredness and toddler who slept between my partner and myself plus the newborn did not make for the best of grounds for getting back in the saddle. On top of it when my partner and I had sex I could hardly feel him and could not orgasm. This all started doing a mind fuck on me and I found myself not interested in sex with my partner the way that I wanted to be. I knew that I was depleted of orgasmic energy and all the good hormones that get released and help support our bodies emotionally, mentally and physically when we are full on orgasm. I knew that if I did not get this soon that I would sink into depression even further and my old programs would have a better grip on me than normal. I knew that if I did not take care of myself and frequently that I would loose so much of myself and not be able to give to the world any more. So I took matters into my own hands and got SELFISH!!!!

I masturbated every morning. Being in an open relationship also allowed me to ask for more sex with not just my one partner but to pull in my other partner as well and start working my orgasm out in anyway possible. I asked my partners to go down on me, I asked to use toys, I even created some hot scenes that were playful and shared them and said that I wanted to try them. From someone looking in they may have said, ” This woman is a sex addict, she needs help, she is not thinking about anyone but herself.” They would have been right about one thing, I needed help, I needed to help myself and be selfish and I needed support from those who loved me.

Wanting, willing and taking. When we fully understand the differences we should be able to see the positive and negative that they all carry with them, just like anything in life.

Sometimes our wanting is so strong that it makes us forget about others. Other times our wanting is an act of sharing or a desire that we hope will be granted or at least heard in love and acceptance so that we can feel closer and more seen.

Our willingness is often based on one of three things:

*Love or care for another
*Guilt
*Compromise or control

The last two are based in fear and not even acts of selflessness, but acts of victim-hood and an inability to stand up for our own needs and boundaries. The first is based in love and often is unconditional and if it is conditional we are quick to set our terms.

When we speak of taking, it sounds so mean. Like we are stealing something or causing harm to another by taking. This is only sometimes true. Once again look at the motive behind the act. Look at the act itself. And most importantly realize that in any healthy relationship that one can ONLY take what is offered otherwise it is not a healthy relationship to start with. If you are taking without  being offered then you need to examine your actions and realize that you are causing trauma. If you take something that is being offered  authentically with no ill emotional back lash (i.e. guilt) then you are honoring your relationship and the gift bestowed upon you.

We take forcefully and we also take what we are being gifted. Ask yourself which it is and then choose wisely.

Honor those you love through the  act of unconditional sharing and through the art of receiving. Remember that the gifts given that are unconditional are often the most beautiful.

—KW
*Image from Samarel Liquid Erotica