Are You Hiding From The Truth In Your Relationship?

Retraction.
The holding of the breath.
The gripping of one’s fist.
Fidgetting.
 
What we expereince when something is shared that we don’t want to hear.
 
It can be hard to hear our partner speak about what they are feeling. How they are thinking. Or the challenges that they are having in the relationship.
 
It can be terrifying at times and make us question if the relationship will survive.
It can make us feel weak,
defeated, not enough, lost even.
 
When our partner throws a verbal dagger at us,
whether they know it or not,
it hurts.
 
And we find ourselves tossed between gratitude for finding out and a desire to not know any more.
To just make it go away.
 
The gratitude is our soul telling us that this is what is needed,
if our partner had not openned up and shared then that would mean that the relationship was already dead and it was just a matter of time till we discover its corpse.
 
This is what happens frequently however,
so often couples carry on and one partner is blind and deaf to the truth of what state the relationship is in, until it is too late and then they scratch their head in confussion of , “How is this possible, I thought everything was good?”
 
If we lean into the desire to make this pain go away and to not hear it anymore,
we may find ourselves retracting our love to our partner.
We may find ourselves just simply disregaurding what they are sharing and moving along as though it never happened.
Hoping that if we don’t talk about it or give it attention that it will change on its own.
 
This is detrimental to the releationship, however.
Making excuses up as to why you cannot focus on this right now, saying that this is the wrong tme to bring it up, saying that its all in our partners head or that thats not true, are all statements sharing that you do not value your partners feelings, thoughts or heart and that you are more caught up on the gut punch and how bad it was of them to make you feel this or to ask for something.
 
This is also detrimental to the realtionship.
 
The ONLY path to choose in this instance “IF” you desire to keep the relationship that you have and to make it strong and happy again is to PAUSE and listen without denial, without hiding, without excuses or fighting.
 
This is what is referred to as
“holding space.”
 
Coaches and therapist’s do this all the time for their clients.
The answers are often formed through the venting,
the sharing, the allowance of the feeling.
 
As a couple, if you desire to take some bad news shared and turn it into gold, then this is the sapce to start in.
 
If you close the door to the communication,
if you get angered or bitter about the sharing,
if you go into attack mode,
or allow your fear to control,
then you will find yourself pushing your partner further away.
 
Communication is the key to holding a relationship together.
Communication is the key to healing a relationship.
Commincation is the key to building trust, intimacy and love.
 
But communicating means listening without judgement or a need to be right or change what someone else is feeling or thinking.
 
Comminucation also means presenting a safe space where your partner feels permission and safety in speaking what they need and that their words will be heard and acknowledged.
 
Commincation means sharing your truth.
Sharing what you are feeling, fearing, troubled with, needing, not liking, liking, loving.
 
If you want a turned on, empowered relationship then you have to move away from surface level relating.
You must be willing to hear it all and hold that space for self and your partner.
 
You must be willing to offer what is going on with you and INQUIRE about what your partner is expereincing,
 
Most relationships today do not do this.
They believe that they do,
but they don’t.
 
Most relationships accept the answer of,
“I am good. I am fine. We are good.”
 
The simple truth is that relationship requires work, time, energy, truth, compassion,communicating, stepping back from a need to be right.
 
If you don’t take the time right now to share with your partner or to hold space for your partner to share and actually listen to what they are sharing, understanding that every share is valuable, then what you will discover is that your relationship will end.
 
If you claim that you love your partner.
Claim that you love your relationship.
Claim that it is the most important thing to you.
That it and them matter.
 
Then let it be witnessed through your actions of taking the time and making it priority.
 
Without shame.
Without guilt.
Without anger.
Without retraction.
Without accusations.
 
But with LOVE.
 
If you think you don’t have time to do this,
then I promise you that you will find a time that it will not longer beasking for your time.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for 1:1 couples and individual coaching availble world wide and/or group coaching focused on this and more.

Beauty in COVID-19.

There is great beauty in awareness.
There is gratitude if you have knowledge.
There is compassion if one let’s themself become educated.
There is hope if we pull together and allow TRUTH be shown without FEAR.
 
 
The question truly falls if we the people of planet earth are willing to do these things though.
 
The beautiful thing about the COVID-19 outbreak is that it is pulling us together as a world society.
 
It is showing our most brilliant aspects but it is also revealing our darkness.
 
And at the end of this plaugue we will be witness to our TRUTH.
 
Now what that truth is,
we currently do not know.
It will only come about when we reach the end of the swing of this pendulum,
and see if the masses focused on FEAR and destruction or if there were enough who chose to focus on love, gratitude, community, healing, courage, passion for life, and pulling back the curtains of the ego.
 
It is being said that we are at the end of days.
It is being said that it is all according to prophecy.
It is being said that it is a conspiracy of leaders to take over the world once and for all and enslave all of humanity.
It is being said that mother nature has had it with us.
It is being said….
and what over and over agian is stated is fear mongering.
The focus and attention to fear,
the belittlement of our greatness,
your greatness.
The threatening of your lives, your well-being, your everything.
And it is so focused upon by ALL,
that if we are not cautious then it will be for certain for many that this will become a tragic world event.
 
As I type this very musing to you,
our child abuse rates are increasing due to this panademic.
Our domestic violence rates are increasing and between these two alone,
our murder tolls are going up.
Suicide is on the rise.
And this is just the start.
 
Not to be a Debbie Downer right now,
but awareness and education show’s these facts.
 
In the face of this horrible panademic,
we are loosing countless thousands more because of our focus on FEAR.
 
It is education that we need.
Not fear.
Fear has never been a good solution.
It has never supported healing or growth.
Fear does not move you through a challenge.
It causes one to flee, hide or fight.
Which is what we are seeing.
 
Abuse increase.
Crime increase.
Alcohol and drug usage increase.
And we are not applying any attention to it.
 
Right now we have an opportunity.
As we sit in our states of isolation,
we have an opportunity to grow ourselves.
To ask the questions of our leaders, our selves and our communities that matter.
We have an opportunity to look at what has not been working,
and explore what could.
 
The answer is certainly not to crash the economy.
Causing our childrens children to suffer from this panademic 100 years from now.
The answer is to not shut down the world and our existance the way we know it, and instill fear into each and every soul, ‘creating a greater seperation.
No, seperration only results in all the above negativity.
The solution….
is AWARENESS.
EDUCATION.
FACTS.
Looking at ALL evidence, not just what media chooses to share.
Really looking at the numbers.
All of them, not just the death numbers.
Remember that statistics can be whatever you want them.
A person who wants to be aware, looks for ALL the facts.
This means,
age.
other issues/disease.
What the COVID-19 virus is really doing in our world – its natural swing,
remember that with all things you can only go so far up in numbers before there is a drastic decline.
Have you looked at this?
Whats the real percentage of people who even get COVID-19?
Have you gone to CDC.com or Worldometers.info and explored? (ALL the numbers)
 
If you claim to say that you are concerned for your health,
the worlds state,
the economy,
THEN DO YOUR PART and get educated outside of media.
 
We don’t have to agree.
We can have vastly different views,
thats awesome actually.
But if you are just blindly listening to media and what is being fed to you,
then know that you don’t have education or awareness on your side.
You are allowing yourself to be brainwashed.
 
And my point is two fold:
1) If you are going to be brainwashed at least CHOOSE what you are ingesting.
2) Fear NEVER fixed anything. And what we have on us right now is a FOCUS on FEAR with this crazy idea that it will be some part of the solution.
 
Its time we focus on something better then FEAR if we are to save our world and create a safe and prosperous planet for our youth.
 
And it is time to find beauty again in the lesson that we are being given from God and Mother Nature.
 
It is not a lesson to seperate and hide from the truth, to toss our hands up and let someone else deal with the solution and pray that they have our best at heart…
 
No.
 
It is a lesson to find gratitude for the life that you were given,
the planet that you were born on,
the world family of humans that ARE smart and creative,
who when they desire to truly come together and find a healthy path,
 
CAN.
 
I for one believe in humanity.
I believe in TRUTH.
I believe in shining a light in the darkest of days.
 
Are you willing to become aware enough to have an actual educated opinion?
 
Or will you continue to ignore and be a victim to this day?
 
Sending you all my love sweet reader,
with many prayers of gratitude for you and this world.
 
Let your light shine.
And as always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grwon A*s Believers”
 
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
 
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
 
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.

I Feel Like My Life Is Full Of Pot Holes. (Relieving Sadness and Other Uncomfortable Emotions)

How do I rationalize my sadness?
I don’t understand why I am feeling the way that I am feeling,
and I cannot seem to escape it.
The more I look for why I am feeling this way,
the more caught up in this negative emotion I get.
I have tried all the appreciation shiz,
I know I have lot’s to be grateful for,
but it’s like it does not matter.
I still feel so empty.
I feel lost,
disappointed in myself.
I am scared of what my future holds.
And if I don’t figure out how to fix these things then I am doomed.
 
I have been here so long,
I don’t even know if I can fathom what happiness is.
 
Anything in these statements align to how you are feeling luv?
 
We all can get caught up in sadness.
For some it is a life long game.
For others we go through periods.
But there are a few things that EVERYONE has in common when we speak SADNESS.
 
Sadness is all about us having a temporary distorted view point on life or a situation.
 
It tell’s us that we are out of alignment with who we really are.
 
And in our need to “fix” the sadness we apply focused concentraion on the cause which in turn only digs us deeper into this pit of dispair.
 
Might seem hopeless if you think too much about it.
How are we to find a solution if we only dig ourselves deeper into it by trying to fix it?
 
If you look at depression,
or sadness,
hoplessness…
what do we do when we expereince these natural emotions that feel uncomfortable to us?
 
We go into problem solving mode.
We now know that there is “something broken” or not right-
typically that something is us so we believe,
and we look for solutions to repair the damage.
So we self medicate,
we get a doctor to confirm to us that we are broken,
we point outword at people and events and blame them for the broken pieces.
And we go into this mode of “IF ONLY.”
 
“IF ONLY” is a void. It is a space of emptiness that we believe needs to be filled by something.
 
“IF ONLY” is a concept that we have no control over our state of being.
 
“IF ONLY” leads us to believe that if things were different that then we would be happy.
 
“IF ONLY” makes us a victim.
And bares with it a feeling of weakness, destitution, and lostness.
 
“IF ONLY” is not the answer!
And bringing our focused attention to the problem,
analyzing every aspect of it ,
and bringing even more light to what is wrong,
will NEVER solve the problem.
It will however make it grow.
It will make it feel like we can’t get out of the muck.
It will appear that our life journey is one full of pot holes and sadness.
And the funny thing is that we forget who is driving our car.
 
YOU ARE DRIVING YOUR CAR.
 
And let’s just simplify this a tad here.
 
If you have ever driven a car down a road that had a bunch of pot holes,
how did you avoid hitting all the pot holes?
How did you limit your exposure to the pot holes?
 
Think about it.
Put yourself behind the wheel luv.
Because THAT is where you are at.
 
I am pretty sure that in order to avoid or limit hitting the pot holes you looked on the path at the spaces that did not have them or had less of them.
And you then guided your car by keeping your focus on the road that had less or no pot holes.
Because you understand that if you drove looking at what you wanted to avoid, that you would stear your vehicle right into the holes.
 
Correct?
 
Well sadness is the pot holes in this analogy.
You could put any feared emotion in it’s place and it would all equate out to the same concept.
 
When we try and fix our sadness by covering it up with different things,
we numb ourselves to the cause as well as the problem.
So we never solve the issue.
It’s kind like thinking that you can avoid the bumpy road by taking one hand and putting it over your eye’s while driving.
If you can’t see the path, pot holes and flat spaces then you will feel safer.
You won’t be scared to face the pot holes.
But you won’t be able to avoid them either.
 
And if you are wondering why sadness seem’s to grab you by your balls out of no where,
the answer is simple.
You are driving with your hand over your eye’s and expecting a clear path because of it.
 
You have not actually dealt with the core issue.
That core issue is always the same,
no matter the subject area of our world that we are sad about.
 
The core issue is that we are NOT in alignment with WHO WE REALLY ARE.
 
WTF! Does that even mean?
 
WHO WE REALLY ARE?
 
I am who I am, right?
Wrong.
 
And this is what sadness is trying to show you.
Sadness is not something to fear,
it is something to be grateful for.
It is a powerful teacher.
 
It show’s you exactly how out of alignment you are from your truth.
 
And your truth,
is the same as my truth,
the same as anyone else’s truth.
 
Your truth is this:
 
YOU ARE WORTHY.
Worthy of love.
Worthy of connection.
Worthy of happiness.
Worthy of well being.
Worthy of abundance.
 
And you don’t have to do or prove anything to be worthy.
You were born worthy.
 
All you have to do,
is have a bit of self-love and compassion.
You do these things by stepping out of the vitctim mode of fear and scarcity.
 
You are sad because you believe you cannot be happy unless you have ______________________ ( fill in the blank.)
 
You believe that in order to have this_____________,
that it must look/act/feel/show up like this ______________________________________________________________.
 
And you are wagering your happiness on it doing as you “think” it should,
instead of allowing it to be however it needs to be.
 
It’s your need to make it happen according to your programmed guidelines supported by your fear based thinking that is manifesting the emotion of sadness.
And you are stuck in this pot hole of sadness because you focused on the pot hole,
instead of what feels better.
 
Abraham Lincoln once said, “People are about as happy as they make thier minds to be.”
 
What he meant by this was that WE GET TO CHOOSE HOW HAPPY WE ARE.
 
And we gain power and a better emotional state of being by thinking bettter thoughts.
 
No one is forcing you to think what you are are thinking.
You get to choose your thoughts.
You get to choose your focus.
And when you run down a rabbit hole of sadness, ‘it’s up to you to catch yourself and shift your thoughts to something that feels better than what you are thinking currently.
 
Just level up your sad thinking to anger thinking.
Your anger thinking to blame thinking.
Your blame thinking to irritation thinking.
And keep moving up to your next best feeling thought.
Before you know it you will discover your true state of being again.
 
That being worthiness and love.
And there is no space in worthiness or love for all this fear based thinking.
 
So what is your next best feeling thought today?
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want tolearn the steps to living a happy, fulfuilled life where you know your worthiness?
 
That is what the F-ck Yes! Life is all about luv.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 coaching and events that can take you through this and help you Claim Your Life TODAY!

But THAT Is Not Sex?

And he said, “But we did not have sex.”
 
I wondered how he believed this.
I wondered what constitues as sex?
I guess to each it is different and to some,
some acts of the flesh are not actual sex or intimate enough to be such,
where to others, such as myself,
all acts of a sexual nature where body fluids are exchanged and our mouths, fingers and genitals are connected are sex.
 
This statement however made me question the meaning of sex in a very real world, primal, physical sense.
 
“But we did not have sex.”
 
His cock was deep in my throat,
it did pulse and throb as it exploded deep into my throat and found itself swallowed up.
 
And his face was burried into my pussy,
his fingers deep into my vaginal canal,
rubbing fiercely on my g-spot as he flicked and sucked firmly on my clit while my body quivered and shook,
and I dripped juices all over him.
 
Alas, we did not have sex.
 
In this instance, sex is only a thing if the genitals themselves connects.
 
His viewing of the situation is that we did not have sex,
so what did we have?
 
Intimacy, perhaps he would say?
Foreplay?
 
And in my eye’s we had sex.
I bared a more vulnerable aspect of myself then penis in vagina sex could ever share.
I openned myself up deeper than just letting him penetrate me with his cock.
 
But we did not have sex. 🤔
 
 
I find myself lost in this statement and yet it is a common place one in my coaching practice with people.
 
People say to me all the time,
well I did not sleep with him/her.
 
I just got a blow job.
I just gave him a blow job.
It was just anal.
I just ate her out.
 
I know in the open relationship world,
the land of poly and swinging and all other lables to help us create containers,
that this discussion is one that is had frequently in order to have good communication.
However, in the land of monogamy…..
 
we don’t know what sex even is.
Or what each partner deems as sex.
 
This statement made me feel like I was dealing with one of my childrens friends who was asking for advice or sharing a story nonchalantly.
 
I recall a friend of one of my daughters telling me that she was a virgin still and that she was going to remain one till she got married. She shared that it was important to her to be pure for her marriage and future husband, just the way she was brought up in church and with her families spiritual beliefs.
Then she went on to share casually that she was at a party and had anal sex with a guy and gave him a blow job.
 
I informed her that both of these actions were sex.
We argued a bit about it because she believed that sex was ONLY vagina and penis.
NOTHING else counted.
 
Now this was almost 10 years ago that I had this discussion.
This young woman is most likely married now or dating someone seriously.
Perhaps she is still a virgin in her eyes and by her belief and family guidlines,
but I want to shed the light of truth on this subject.
 
All the above is SEX.
And anal and oral are more intimate than vaginal and penis in some cases.
Just because you cannot get pregnant from anal or oral does not mean it is safe or not sex.
 
I ask you today…
“How do you define sex?”
 
If you are in a mongamous relationship,
how do you define sex?
 
Is your partner allowed to get or give oral or anal and it be looked at as if they are not having sex outside the relationship?
 
If all you get for a month is anal or oral from your partner did you have a sexless month?
 
 
How do you define sex?
 
And what are the conversations that you need to have with your partner(s) to make sure that you are in agreement or have proper relationship guidelines for your relationship boundaries?
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
‘Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to explore the truth about relationship?
What are boundaries, guidlines, agreements and what are the conversations that ALL couples and sexually active adults shoul have no matter the lables applied?
 
Reach out to me for deet’s today on the up and coming event Pathways to Relationships.

Let Your Metamorphosis Happen.

Are you scared of the permancy?
I know that I sure am in area’s of my life.
Let’s look at this topic of permancy.
You may be most familiar with it in the area’s of death and marriage.
 
Both seem so certain not to change.
One we enter into with the hope that it is a guarantee,
a commitment.
The other we fear happening because we “know” it is a guarantee.
 
And both feel like an ending point to most.
But many also feel like both or at least one is also a gateway to something new.
 
In truth,
both are gateways to something new.
A new existance.
Something that we cannot understand,
that we are uncertain about.
 
Both require faith.
Both require us to let go of our ego’s and to lean into the unknown.
 
And another reality is that we have permancy happening all around us,
all the time.
 
We also have this thing called death all around us, all the time.
 
We have many little deaths occure throughout our life times,
and they are requirements in order for us to expand and grow.
In order for us to become authentically US,
and stand in our power,
we MUST expereince lot’s of little deaths throughout our lifetime.
 
Your power is birthed in the running toward these deaths and the acceptance of them.
 
Instead of fearing the transition points of our life,
open yourself to them.
Allow yourself to get caught up in the current of them and enjoy the process of them.
Though some may be painful,
realize that the pain and the suffering that you are expereincing is not of the soul or even the heart.
It is of the ego and the constraights based in a concept of fear and control that is causing you the pain and suffering.
 
The SOUL knows your path.
The SOUL knows your truth.
The SOUL has no doubt.
The SOUL is not in pain.
 
But when we expereince pain and suffering,
when we fear the unknown,
when we fear the transition points and get caught up on the idea of permancy and it being some end point,
we are buying into the mirages of our ego.
 
This life you are living is far more than blood pumping through your veins,
or your lungs taking in oxygene,
or the thoughts that you say your brain or mind create.
It is far more than these limbs that you use,
or this body that you expereince.
This life,
is God moving through you.
And the permancy of this life is just that.
 
MOVEMENT.
CHANGE.
BIRTH.
BIRTH.
and more BIRTHING.
 
This process is of you brithing yourself,
you experiencing YOU,
experiencing your divine being at multiple levels of awakening.
And with each awakening you must let go of the old paradigm’s of self and understanding and you must allow for what you once percieved as YOU,
to become a carcass to be disposed of.
 
What you perceive as YOU,
is not really YOU.
 
YOU ARE MORE.
 
So much more.
And when you lean into this awareness of how bountiful and big you really are,
the fear of death is no more.
 
Instead you see it for it’s truth.
It is a birthing of your SOUL.
 
We expereince death in our relationships,
in our ways of being, relating, thinking, judging.
We expereince death of our goals, dreams, desires and beliefs.
We expereince death in actual physical states with loved ones and self.
 
And often we get caught up on these deaths.
We linger in the morning of them.
We weap and agonize ourselves about what has been lost.
We get trapped in our remorse,
in not speaking what we had wanted,
in not getting closure like we wanted.
We torment ourselves with death and its permancy of things not being the same any more.
 
We desiree to control what is not for us to control,
but instead for us to breathe into and feel life in.
This corridor of death,
is just that,
a transtioning space.
A door.
A gate.
 
Each transition point brings with it an exposure to newness,
to deeper understanding and expansion.
 
If we choose to view death as though it is birth,
the sadness is limited and potentially no more.
Not saying that one will not expereince morning,
as anytime we go through transition,
we mourn.
Mourning is natural and healthy.
But know that if you find yourself getting caught in the mourning,
that this is not of SOUL.
It is your ego at work.
Holding you in an old paradigm,
an old frequency,
and not allowing you to metamorphosis.
 
This is where the work then lyes.
To go deep into self and discover where you can unhinge your cages of the old and set yourself free.
 
You cannot avoid death.
You cannot avoid all the mini deaths within this human expereince that you will have,
they are hear to set you free and bring you closer to your soul aligned path.
 
But what you can do,
is stop allowing yourelf to just fade through this life.
You can realize that life is a choice.
Just because you are breathing,
with blood pumping through your veins and thoughts bouncing through your mind,
DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LIVING.
 
Living is a choice and with that living comes the movement and gateways of death.
 
And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
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Message me for full deet’s on this VIP 6 -week opportunity to work 1:1 with me and make 2020 a Year of Me!
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Undervalue Me, Undervalue You – It’s All the Same.

Seriously WTF!
Here I sit working with clients today, the day after a yummy relaxing Christmas, where I find myself in total gratitude.
I sit here doing some marketing,
following up with my 1:1 clients,
signing a couple new 1:1 clients and getting them started with the onborading process,
when some misunderstanding soul,
reaches out and asks:

“So what do I get for the $197 that you are offering in your 12 Days of F-cking Awesomeness Bundle?”

Now you have to understand that we online coaches/marketers and educators welcome with open arms inquiry of all kinds,
and we love making sure that our followers are happy and getting exactly what they think they are.

Matter a fact today’s online world is ALL about giving away more in value then expected.

The smart online educators, coaches know the impact that they can have and offer up a massive amount of free or low cost education and content and are feeding their followers daily.

We aim to share massive value in our online courses and workshops. We want you expanding, learning, and being the best versions of yourselves and get that not everyone can afford our private rates.

So when asked the question above,
of course I shared that this was a massive savings.
I mean shiz, you are getting up to $1800 of value and then some, because the same content in private would cost you ten’s of thousands of dollars in coaching hours.

But RIGHT NOW you save even more and get it for ONLY $197.

It’s a no f-cking duh sorta thing!!!

Litterly you could take the next year to work through your chosen bundle and come out the other side with some massive shift in your:

Money
Sex
Health
Confidence
Relationships
and life in general.

But this sweet confused soul thought that I was offering up my private coaching for $197.

OMFG!
I would go broke and be homeless and a really shitty coach to boot for under valuing myself so much if I did that.

The reality of my private coaching practice is that I fall in love with my peep’s.
I get real, raw and authentically down to the core with them.
Knowing them at levels that they may have never been seen at before and teaching just how amazing they really are.
My clients become my friends,
my family,
my tribe.

I give to them random moments on any given day to lean on me.
We text constantly.
We talk on the phone through beautiful and tradgic moments.
We grow,
share and are deeply intimate in our vulnerabilty.

And although I wish I could offer this sort of relationship for such a price of $197 or even free,

it is honestly priceless and those who work with me I am confident would second my statement here.

A coach who does not chage what they are worth,
simply does not value themselves and has not stepped into their power or self- love yet.

A coach who does not know the power of their words,
their views,
their stories and gudiance,
and offers it for free or for some rediculous price because they feel that servitude should mean being a broke a*s who is struggling instead of thriving,
simply does not believe in the value of coaching.
Or the value of who they are and what they have to offer.

They themselves don’t get it and most likely don’t have a real mentor or coach in their lives pushing them up.

And I don’t know about you but,
but who would you follow?

The person selling you snake oil because they themselves don’t get it and don’t value it.

OR.

The person who leads by example,
lives it,
breathes it,
has evidence of it and
is not afraid to value themselves.
Their time.
Their energy.
Their education and experiences.
And demands that in order for you to work with them that the first step is to do the value yourself enough to INVEST.

We all need to start somewhere when we decide that we want to work on ourselves.

We have to choose where we can start.
And aultimatley it does not matter where you start.
What matters is:
1) you start somewhere
2) you value yourself enough to invest in YOU
3) you are coachable

Everything else will follow.

My question for you today is simple.

Do you value YOU?

If you are in business for yourself are you charging what you are worth? Or are you scared of your value?

If you are wanting change in your life in any area do you value that area of your life enough to say YES to the change?
And the helping hand that you most likely will have to hire in some format to guide you to your desired outcome.

You are worth the life that you want.
You are valuable in this world and to the people you share your message with and yourlife with.

Never undervalue the work that you do.
The art that you make.
The message that you share.
Or the changes that you need tomake to have the life that you want.

When we under value anothers help,
we thus under value ourselves too.

Realize that.

And KNOW You Are VALUABLE.

I love you.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Reach out to me today to learn about my 2020 New Years Resolution Special on my 1:1 coaching.

Stop Lieing To Yourself- You Are Poly-monogomish FOREVER!

Poly-monogomish FOREVER!
Can’t help it.
Just the way I am wired.
This identification does not mean that I won’t be monogamous.
It does not mean I will cheat or get bored.
It does not mean that I believe I need more
or are unhappy in anyway.
It simply means that I love relationship.
Value intimacy.
And stand firm with my integrity.

It means that those I choose to be in relationship with hold an eternal and special space in my heart.
That if my soul leads me to engage in any fashion,
To explore another being however called too,
That I embrace this pull and understand that it is perfect and meant to be, without question.

Many believe that to be polyamorous means that you desire sex with multiples.
That you are dating and being physically intimate with many.
But what polyamorous truly means is to have love and to embrace love and relationship with more than one.
Anyone who has more that one child,
Has more than one friend,
Loves both parents,
And all thier siblings,
Is engaging in a polyamorous loving.

Many years ago a dear friend of mine looked at me and said,
” You are living a polyamorous lifestyle in everyway but your sex. Perhaps you should explore it.”

His words rang so very true to my core.
And he was accurate in his view.
So I ventured onto the sexual path of polyamory and all it could intale.

Now this is not a personal share of the romance, sexing and relations of multiple lovers.
Its also not a share on how amazing polyamory is or how fucked up it can be.

But it is a share on acceptance.
On embracing who you are at your core regardless of what the norms of society say they should be.
Its a post on knowing yourself enough to allow your own happiness to flow.
And to even ASK for it.

Its a share based on living authentically.
In integrity.
And not just using these words because they feel good or make you sound like an awakened soul.
No.
But to actually LIVE by them.

Yes what I share here is about living in conscious surrender to your HAPPINESS.

And to communicate your needs.
To communicate where you are at in any relationship.
Its a share about what loving self and having self respect really means.
Its a share about your truth.
Its about you not wanting to accept that you are polyamorous just like me.
The only difference is your lack in comfort to speak what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And your unwillingness to see WHO YOU ARE.
Living blind to all the love that you give.
To all the people that you care about.
That you are in relationship with.
Or that you wish to someday be.

Yes I am poly- monogamous ALWAYS.
I am polyamorous in my life in all ways.
Those seen and those only felt.
I make a decision in moments of my relationship experience to be monogamous or not.
But the S-E-X,
the sex never has anything to do with it.
Outside of a desire to connect, be seen, or enjoy self or another at a more raw level.
Its never about the orgasm.
Its always about the love.
The connection.
The happiness.

And the greatest happiness and deepest connection comes from integrity.

Integrity with self.
With God.
And with others.

The ultimate self love and respect as well comes from this place of not hiding.
Not story telling.
But breathing in ones own TRUTH.

And when we can do this.
We can also elevate our relationships.
Our love.
Our sex.
Our understanding.

As Always
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

Message me for my unannounced Holiday 1:1 Special Now.

This Is Why Your Woman Will Not Pursue You.

Can you imagine starving?
Can you imagine what it must be like to be so hungry and not have food available,
or to not be able to consume the food that is there close to you?
Now I have been hungry before,
there are actually many days that happen where I almost forget about eating. I get so caught up in what I am doing and who I am working with or enjoying,
that food does not cross my mind.
My body though is still hungry.
I might occasionally feel the pains and grumblings of my hunger,
but unless I focus in on it, I can resist it and carry on about what I am doing.
Over time though, my blood sugar get’s low.
My head starts to pound.
I get moody, feel light headed and tired.
I can’t keep focused.
And funny enough, in moments like this, the last thing on my mind is eating.
Instead I wonder about, wondering what’s wrong with me?
Because in the not eating, I forget about food.
 
It never fails though in these moments.
Someone comes along, with something that awakens me to my hunger.
 
I am sure you have had this experience.
You are hungry.
You get side tracked.
You get more hungry.
You ignore the hunger pain.
You dull your senses.
You feel off.
AND THEN……
you smell a burger and fries.
 
Yes, it’s that moment.
You can maybe even smell that burger and fries right now.
You pass that restaurant and you smell it.
 
YUM!!!!!
Your body ignites.
Your stomach yells at you.
Your gut gurgles and says, STOP.
EAT.
 
Okay,
so you can understand this right?
 
Now imagine these two scenarios.
 
1) You are hungry like this. Starving. You catch a whiff of something yummy. Someone walks by you with that burger or steak. You follow them. You smell its juiciness. You can taste it almost. You are so hungry all you desire is a bite. You wish to just taste it. And they look at you and say, “No – my food!”
What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
2) You are hungry like this. Starving. You smell that burger and you decide to run through the drive trough. You order it plus the fries and a soda. You inhale it without thought because of your level of hunger. It’s a piss poor quality burger. It lands in your gut like cement. You feel sick. You feel even worse than before you ate it. You know how bad it was for you and you start to overthink your haste. Now you are upset with yourself for doing what you know you should not have done. You should have waited and taken better care of yourself but the hunger was REAL. What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
In either of these situations,
you are not being fed.
You are not being fulfilled.
There is no real satisfaction.
You just get frustrated.
Irritated.
And want for more, but find yourself KNOWING that what you want is not what you got.
 
Many people when they make poor food choices that make them feel yucky, commit in that moment to not do it again. Or at least not do it to soon again.
 
Many people who are hungry like this, do not choose then to hunt down all the fast food that makes them feel less than good.
 
Many people when they see a link to something causing them issues, choose to either avoid it, or limit their exposure to it.
 
Right?
That seems normal and within logical reason, wouldn’t you agree?
 
Well, here is the thing love.
This tale of starving. Of fast food.
It is actually not about food at all.
It is about satisfaction. Desire. or lack there of.
It is about STARVING.
 
But what I speak of here is the starving of good sex.
The starving of gourmet fulfillment.
I speak here what almost every woman would agree upon if they were raw and real about it.
 
That they are STARVING.
Hungry for something that they hardly get.
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you have sex that you do not feel good from it?
That you actually feel yucky.
 
Can you imagine that you feel 75-80% of the time like it was a waist of time, energy and you feel disconnected and more empty then before you went into the situation?
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you had sex that you did not enjoy it, have an orgasm?
 
All of this and more is accurate when we truly look into female sexual experience.
 
Gentlemen,
You get fed every time you eat.
You eat what you want and you like it most of the time, because shiz,
it’s food and who does not like food.
 
Well us ladies,
75-80% of the time we eat,
we feel sick from it. And we are not really eating,
we are just getting that whiff of the food.
So who wants to sit in their hunger and just catch a whiff at best 75-80% of the time?
 
Who in their right mind would desire,
pursue, look for or even be excited in the least to have that experience?
 
Not too many people I am guessing.
Yet, our partners ( and I say this as a woman who has had a partner want me to desire just this that I speak on plus the hundreds of couple’s that I have worked with over time who have the male partner wanting to be pursued, desired and frustrated with the woman on not doing so)….
 
Our partners, want us to want this for ourselves.
And they wonder why…
why we women shut down.
Why the sex turns from hot to Anniversary, birthday and Christmas sex.
They wonder what is wrong with their female partner to not want such a wonderful, connective, fulfilling thing such as sexual intimacy.
 
And I tell you in my rawest truth here,
THIS IS ONE MAJOR CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.
 
So what is the answer?
How can you fix her issues?
How can you make sure that she get’s fed?
 
 
These are the questions that are asked in couple-hood.
 
First, it is a two way street.
Both parties need to work on it individually and together, communication MUST happen. Things must change in order to get the results desired.
 
Second, You cannot fix her. She is not broken. And she is not a toy for your fixing Mr. Fix It. So effing STOP! You can however become a better lover. You can gain presence, compassion. You can inquire with skill. You can slow the F-ck down. You can actually want her to enjoy and there fore not get irritated and bored with the time she needs to take. You can do your own internal work, emotionally and mentally.
 
Third, you can do the above two.
And of course, if you need more help.
You still don’t know what to do,
to change.
You can seek outside help.
Like mine, ( Yes my shameless plug there…. but it’s true, you have been doing what you have been doing and you have been blind to what is happening until this moment or you have been really good at ignoring it all and hoping that it would just fix itself. That has not worked though. So… insert my shameless plug again please.)
 
And here are the facts,
sex is important. No matter how we try to discredit it.
Sex and money are the two major factors in relationship breakup and happiness.
 
Many people think they have a successful relationship because they look at the longevity of that relationship. The years spent together.
 
However, the truth is that relationship success is not about the years together,
it’s about the joy. The happiness. The over all feeling that the relationship leaves you with.
 
And most relationships under this mindset of success are far from successful.
 
So I ask you today,
are you content having and providing a fast food sex life at best to your relationship? The person you love and cherish?
 
Or is it time that you discover how to truly feed her?
 
Yes the gourmet variety.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
‘Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on my 1:1 global coaching opportunities and more.
 
You deserve a deeply connective, turned on bedroom life and more.

Breathe In Your Orgasm

It’s light hearted,
its shame removing,
it’s triggering as F-ck!
It’s connected and compassionate.
It’s educational and real AF.
It’s how I coach.
 
Yesterday, I was privileged to teach my 9th annual Orgasm Camp. Yes, I just said that ORGASM CAMP.😱
 
We had a packed room as always,
with so many new faces and fresh minds to share with.
It was beautiful to see those who have attended other events or worked with me in some fashion participating in the raw, authentic truth tales around ORGASM.
 
Female Orgasm.
And as usual there were those who could sit in the feeling of orgasm, and all that it means,
and those who could not.
 
What do I mean by sitting in the feeling of orgasm?
 
Orgasm is heightened sensation in the physical body,
it blends into waves of emotion and feelings then arise from that space as well.
It is electrical charges from our brain center that triggers different responses in our bodies, minds and “hearts”.
 
How this translates to yesterdays event….
and to YOU right now.
 
SO in Orgasm Camp,
as sexy as it may sound,
we have a seminar where my co-teacher and I verbally teach about female orgasm and S-E-X. We discuss the mental, emotional and physical aspects of the female sexual body.
Then we take a break and the model get’s ready.
The model then gets undressed and get’s on a table naked…..
 
OMFG! Yes there is a naked woman on a table at Orgasm Camp.
 
Can you feel the energy already?
The triggers going off?
The shame kicking in,
the judgement.
The fear.
The ego.
The desire.
The butterflies.
 
You may be thinking,
“Oh, hell no. I would not got to anything like that.”
 
And you may not.
Many people feel this way,
yet sex,
our intimate bedroom life is one of the main contributors to our happiness,
our confidence,
our body image,
our desire,
our feeling good,
and it plays a significant role in relationship success and happiness.
 
And the majority of people are shut down right HERE.
 
So the model get’s on the table naked,
and then I the teacher, demonstrates some basic tantric and quantum touch techniques on how to activate the body centers and help drop someone down out of the mind space where they can actually embody themselves and FEEL.
 
Little known secret about women’s sex… ( totally being sarcastic right now)🤣😂😛
 
Women need to get out of their head to be able to feel desire,
to be able to open up to sex,
to be turned on.
To want to go there and do it at all,
otherwise they are disconnected and it’s just “duty” based.
 
So I show in class the basics of sensual touch.
I show different touch techniques,
Show different toys,
and skills.
Then we move into revealing the secrets of the clitoris and the g-spot.
And the model…
well she get’s into orgasmic waves.
The real deal waves,
not some Harry met Sally moment waves.
And she show’s ORGASM.
The physical real world changes that occur.
The energetic changes that happen.
And so much more.
 
Now the students,
they sit and witness all of this happening.
They sit and breathe in the energy,
the feeling,
the ORGASM that is moving through the room.
And they feel what they feel in themselves.
 
Often, there is a great number who cannot witness this and choose to leave,
or to go to the restroom.
They tap their toes,
fold their arms and look about the room nervously.
They giggle,
and make under their breath comments,
the do whatever they need to release the energy that they feel coming up in them that they are uncomfortable with.
And they reduce their presence level in the space.
They hide.
They hide form their feelings by side tracking themselves with something.
 
This is a normal, human response to coping with something that is triggering.
We do it in many area’s of our life,
in all relationship,
and we do it to protect ourselves from that which we fear,
and that can potentially go against the grains of what we call our beliefs, our comfort, our understanding.
 
However, when we do this what we do is steal a beautiful opportunity from ourselves to witness our shadow lands,
to expand our knowledge and selves.
We step away from personal expansion and we choose in this moment to shut down to our own growth.
 
I recently read a statement from a a fellow coach/teacher that said,
 
“People will do just about anything to be happy,
except change.”
 
So true this statement is.
And we are all guilty as some level.
 
But when we choose to sit in this energy.
In this feeling,
when we choose to breathe it in and witness our shadow’s and expand them out into the light of revealing our truth,
we GROW.
 
We become more authentic.
And we discover our truth which always leads us to HAPPINESS.
 
Today I ask you to explore what triggers you.
Sit with the feelings that make you uncomfortable,
notice when you want to giggle or laugh,
when you choose to be sarcastic or opinionated,
when you fidget and hide.
 
Ask yourself,
“What am I hiding myself from? What am I fearful of seeing within?”
 
Ask yourself to go deeper into your own realms and DISCOVER a new layer of your truth.
 
Because under your shadows in is your light.
And your POWER.
 
Breathe it in Baby.
You are worthy of who you are.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Live ORGASMICALLY today and be happy in who you are.
 
Reach out to me for deet’s on 1:1 private coaching to tap you into your true power and truth now.
 
You are worthy

Orgasms and Nerves

What happens in the brain during an orgasm?

Without nerves sending impulses back to the spinal cord and brain, an orgasm wouldn’t be possible. Just like any other area of the body, the genitalia contain different nerves that send information to the brain to tell it about the sensation that’s being experienced. This helps to explain why the sensations are perceived differently depending on where someone is being touched. A clitoral orgasm, for example, differs from a vaginal orgasm because different sets of nerves are involved.

Pleasure Center of the Brain: Light It Up

You may have heard that the brain has a pleasure center that lets us know when something is enjoyable and reinforces the desire for us to perform the same pleasurable action again. This is also called the reward circuit, which includes all kinds of pleasure, from sex to laughter to certain types of drug use. Some of the brain areas impacted by pleasure include:

  • amygdala – regulates emotions
  • nucleus accumbens – controls the release of dopamine
  • ventral tegmental area (VTA) – actually releases the dopamine
  • cerebellum – controls muscle function
  • pituitary gland – releases beta-endorphins, which decrease pain; oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust; and vasopressin, which increases bonding

Although scientists have long been studying the pleasure center, there hadn’t been much research about how it relates to sexual pleasure, especially in women. In the late 1990s and the mid-2000s, a team of scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands conducted several studies of both men and women to determine brain activity during sexual stimulation. The team used PET scans to illustrate the different areas of the brain that would light up and shut off during sexual activity. In all of the tests, the subjects were scanned while resting, while being sexually stimulated and while having an orgasm.

Interestingly, they discovered that there aren’t too many differences between men’s and women’s brains when it comes to sex. In both, the brain region behind the left eye, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down during orgasm. Janniko R. Georgiadis, one of the researchers, said, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control” [source: LA Times]. Dr. Gert Holstege stated that the brain during an orgasm looks much like the brain of a person taking heroin. He stated that “95 percent is the same” [source: Science News].

There are some differences, however. When a woman has sex, a part of the brain stem called the periaqueductal gray (PAG) is activated. The PAG controls the “flight or fight” response. Women’s brains also showed decreased activity in the amygdala and hippocampus, which deal with fear and anxiety. The team theorized that these differences existed because women have more of a need to feel safe and relaxed in order to enjoy sex. In addition, the area of the cortex associated with pain was activated in women, which shows that there is a distinct connection between pain and pleasure.

The studies also showed that although women m­ay be able to fool their partners into thinking they’ve had an orgasm, their brains show the truth. When asked to fake an orgasm, the women’s brain activity increased in the cerebellum and other areas related to controlling movement. The scans didn’t show the same brain activity of a woman during an actual orgasm.

But what about people who can’t reach orgasm at all?

Neither Here Nor There: Anorgasmia and Non-genital Orgasms

I­n some cases, we know what causes anorgasmia (the inability to reach orgasm). Drugs like Celexa, Zoloft and Paxil — known as SSRIs, or selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors — are often used to treat depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses. Like most drugs, however, they can have side effects. For some people, this includes sexual ones, including anorgasmia. But why? SSRIs can decrease the brain’s production of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that provides pleasurable feelings and reinforces a person’s desire to once again perform the action that brought him or her pleasure. Sometimes the problem goes away on its own, or it can be resolved by switching to a different antidepressant or taking another drug in addition to the SSRI. However, a small number of people experience post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD) that lasts for days, weeks, months or even years after discontinuing use of an SSRI. The cause of this dysfunction isn’t understood, as stopping the SSRI allows dopamine production to return to normal.

The Dutch studies about orgasms (mentioned earlier), along with others, have also been the basis for continuing research in helping women who are anorgasmic. Dr. Barry Komisaruk at Rutgers University is currently studying women who are anorgasmic and women who are constantly aroused sexually but are unable to reach orgasm. The latter group of women were each put in an MRI scanner where they could see their brain activity on a monitor. Their brain scans showed that the brain thought they were in fact constantly being sexually stimulated. The women then used imagery and other neurofeedback exercises to calm their brains. Dr. Komisaruk believes that anorgasmic women could also learn to read and react to their brain activity to try to reach orgasm.

Perhaps more unusual-sounding than orgasmia is the concept of orgasms that have nothing to do with the genitalia at all. Some people can orgasm from being touched in other places on the body, such as the nipples. In this case, researchers believe that the sensations in the nipples are transmitted to the same areas of the brain that receive information from the genitals. However, people have also reported actually feeling orgasms in other parts of their bodies, including their hands and feet. Several people have even described having orgasms in limbs that were no longer there. One reason may be the layout of the cortical homunculus, a map that shows how different places of the brain’s sensory and motor cortices correspond to the organs and limbs of the body. A person who feels an orgasm in a phantom foot, for example, may have experienced a remapping of the senses because the foot is located next to the genitals in the homunculus. The foot is no longer there to provide sensation, so the area for genital sensation took over the space.

Although we now know more about how orgasms impact the brain than ever before, there’s still a lot that we don’t know. For example, scientists are still debating the evolutionary reason behind the female orgasm. But it’s probably safe to say that most people aren’t too concerned about the “why” — they’d prefer to focus on the whos, whats and whens of sex.

Original ARTICLE on How Stuff Works

Picture Credit: 3D4MEDICAL.COM/GETTY IMAGES