IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

 

If you ever loved me you would not let me hurt like this.

If you ever loved me you would rethink your actions.

If you ever loved me you would take the time to hear me.

If you ever loved me you would want to share.

If you ever loved me you would give me closure.

If you ever loved me you would make this all go away.

 

And so many other if you ever statements.

 

Boy, oh boy  do I ever understand the pain of loss.

The pain of break up, divorce, seperation, being lied to and abandoned.

 

I understand how it feels when our worlds crash,

when our beautiful plans seize to exist,

and it all seems like it happens within a flash of time.

 

How can this other person who loves us,

or at least proclaimed that they did,

or at very least said that they cared,

just walk away?

 

How can they turn their backs to us and just keep on living their lives?

 

Don’t they care?

 

And so the story of love and loss goes on throughout all time.

And so our hearts expand and we are elated when those that we love are turned toward us,

and when they are no longer by our side we crash into pain and suffering. Feeling abandoned.

Feeling as though we spent all this time in a lie.

 

It just cannot be so.

It certainly is not fair or right,

and we don’t have it coming to us.

 

Right?

I mean how is it possible that this sort of thing could be of our own doing?

 

“THAT” other person made those decisions,

acted that way, said those things and lied to us,

after all.  We would not bring this upon ourselves.

 

Well I can tell you this beautiful,

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID BRING IT UPON YOURSELF.

 

One of two things happened.

Your vibe either went up past the other person or it crashed below them.

Either way it held there for a long enough period of time and was a great enough difference in frequency that the two of you were no longer in alignment and thus the relationship had to end.

 

So which direction did you go?

This is actually the important thing to question if you truly give a sh*t about your future and who you are.

 

If you love yourself that is.

And so many people just don’t.

Hope that this is not you though.

 

You can tell what direction you went by looking at your thoughts,

your feelings and your actions.

 

If you are the one who leveled up your frequency then this relationship transition will be pretty smooth and easy. You may be in pain, you may feel a tad lost, you may want closure even but at the end of the day you will recognize that the most loving this you can ever offer someone is space to expand, to be them and to have a beautiful life with or without you and in this case it means without you. That may be a stinger, but a high vibe soul will walk away in love and know that the lessons offered in that relationship were powerful, perfect and have helped them gain clarity in who they are and what they want. A high vibe soul will know that what they need to do now is turn their full attention to themselves and clearing out anything that no longer serves them from within.

 

A high vibe soul will be in appreciation and gratitude for the relationship and the break up.

 

Yep I said that.

Gratitude for the break up,

because they see its purpose.

 

However, a low vibe soul will flounder in pain, suffering and blame.

They will demand attention and stomp around like a three year old having a tantrum. They will act out in childish ways, trying to cause pain in hope of gaining attention from the one they lost. They will not be able to take responsibility for their part in the transition and they will feel as though they simply cannot move forward until the other person does this or that to clear things up for them.

They will focus on fear and they will want the other to feel pain as well.

 

They will not see the growth and opportunity that the transition brings with it, but instead see destruction and attack.

A low vibe soul cannot see past their own ego to find the love that was there in the relationship and still remains.

A low vibe soul is caught in their own inner hell where they will reside until they choose to view life differently and take responsibility for the events, thoughts and feelings that are all thiers. They will be destined to repeat the drama that they believe is happening to them over and over again, where they will mask themselves from their beauty, their core and alignment to God all in the concept that “it’s not fair.”

 

So you see beautiful,

It is very important that you know what direction you went in the transition. It says bundles as to where you are now and what you are manifesting for your future.

It shows just how much love you have for yourself and whether you  understand how powerful you are.

 

Because you are powerful.

You co-created this transition for the purpose of becoming more of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

 

No matter the direction you went ( up or down in frequency) this fact remains the same.

 

Now the only thing you need worry about is not if the other loved you, or still does, but if you love you enough to let go and thrive.

 

You are so f-cking worthy of a F-ck Yes! Life.

It’s time that you recognize that and see that ALL relationships are here to elevate you, educate you and clarify what you want and who you really are.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to kick 2021 off with a high vibe and call in the relationship of your dreams? Meet your soulmate and know that you really got this? Message me for deet’s on what I have in store to make just this happen and more for YOU.

WHY I DON’T DO BRITH CONTROL HORMONES…

 

WHY I DON’T DO BIRTH CONTROL HORMONES….

 

And WHY I don’t believe that any conscious woman should.

 

Say what?

That sounds crazy right?

Birth control is a smart thing.

And science has created a way for us to take charge of if we have children or not. There are so many options in today’s world from a multitude of birth control pills, shots, films, sponges, rings, etc. etc.

 

Not only are we protected 99.9% from unwanted pregnancy but we also can have clearer skin, lighter periods even fewer periods and have certainty as to when our flow is. Something that can get altered when you are not on hormone based birth control.

 

Birth control puts the woman in a power position for sure.

But here is the thing…

Before you string me up to crucify me and say well Kendal, no wonder you have seven children, you don’t do birth control. I want to share a few scientific things with you after my intimacy share on my seven children.

 

You see many years ago, like 29 years ago I was fifteen years old.

I was a virgin. Never even been kissed. And I had regular periods that were always on time, I had clear skin because I have always been conscious of the food going in my body, my skin’s health and hydration. So no pimply faced girl here, even back then.

AND there were zero boys in my world.

But my mom, being a concerned mom for her little girl that was becoming a woman took me to the gyno and told me that I needed to get on birth control to….(ready for the silliness…)

 

Get my period regulated and help with my skin, limit my breakouts.

 

My argument was that I did not want chemicals in my body when there was no reason for them.  And the reasons given made no sense for all that I already shared that my mom knew clearly.

But mom said, so I did.

 

But I started taking birth control pills regardless of the facts.

Of course not long thereafter a boy popped up in my world.

And after a year of dating we had sex.

Unprotected sex because I was on the pill, so we had nothing to worry about.

We had a ton of unprotected sex.

Because there was nothing to worry about.

And no one bothered to inform me of anything different.

Condoms were known of,

they were spoken of,

but no one made a big deal out of them,

it was all about the pill.

Time went on and the boy and I broke up.

I quickly ( like 3 months later, quickly) found myself in bed with a man, who would become my husband shortly thereafter. We moved quickly into sex, unprotected sex because we had nothing to worry about, I was on the pill.

Well life got crazy, and I missed a pill.

Not knowing that I was fertile myrtle, I ended up pregnant right off the bat from one missed pill.

Welcome to the world child #1.

After birthing her, I got back on the pill,

one month I developed a bladder infection and took medication for it that canceled out my birth control but the doctor did not warn me and I was young and undereducated, and so welcome child #2.

Then… then I got smart…

I decided to get this new thing called the Depo Shot…

and my marriage was unhappy as hell so I ended up cheating on my husband, well the Depo Shot had no clue how fertile I was, because somehow someway it did not work and welcome child #3.

I had no clue what had taken place and my doctor suggested that I go on this other new birth control pill because it was to be really good, AND it supposedly would not cause the weight gain, the mood changes or fatigue that I was getting from the Depo Shot…

and so I did.

Well life got stressful again,

and we moved residences, we fought horribly, we moved again, and somehow in the midst of the chaos I ended up pregnant again.

Welcome child #4.

I grew tired of all the keeping track of four children under 10 and the pill that had to be taken at the same time each day or it would fuck up, plus my moods were no better. I was feeling lost in myself.

So I went back to the Depo Shot, thinking that maybe after all these years it got better. At very least I only had to deal with it once every three months.  In the midst of depression and despair I found myself on the Depo Shot, 30 pounds heavier then what I should be and pregnant yet again with child #5. The doctor could not understand how I could get pregnant two times on the depo shot without any medication interference, but it happened.

And THEN my husband had had enough….

 

He got clipped.

And I got off ALL hormone based birth control.

And you know what happened?

I found myself again.

The weight dropped off with ease.

My mind cleared.

My mood stabilized.

My periods were not as fierce and painful.

My immune system improved.

I felt so much better.

but now I had one massive issue.

Every time I had sex with my husband,

my body rejected the sex.

I would break out in a burning mess.

My pussy was pissed at the experience.

And I was not wanting anything to do with him.

I was unattracted, turned off and could not bring myself to even really be willing to go into any sexual experience with him.

At one point I even thought I might be allergic to his semen.

And so that thought led me down a path of discovery.

Turned out that we women can be allergic to a man’s semen.

Also turns out that hormone based birth control has a major impact on a woman’s immune system, and moods.

And do you want to know what the most astounding tidbit that I discovered was and is the MAIN REASON why I am sharing this post… the main reason why I do not take it and instead preach condoms… (outside of the sheer fact that the birth control pill does not protect against disease of any sort)…

 

“…contraceptive pill use alters mate preferences, women who had taken hormonal contraceptives while meeting their partner and later discontinued their usage (as many do when they wish to conceive) may feel disenchanted with their initial partner choice. Indeed, the use of hormonal contraceptives may not only affect initial partner choice but also have unintended consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction if contraceptive pill use subsequently changes. Prior studies have provided evidence for this hypothesis, indicating that women who had used hormonal contraceptives when they first met their partner and then ceased to take them experience lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction5 and are more likely to get divorced….” (Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., is a professor at the Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya. Psychology Today)

 

I believe that any conscious woman who wants to develop a truly loving and connected relationship with a man should be aware that if she is on a hormone based contraceptive that she is most likely not getting the right reading of the man.

 

It has been my discovery since the days of birth control and myself that my attraction is opposite to what it used to be.

 

After all we get into relationships not just for the purpose of starting up a family or getting a dad for our kids from our previous relationships. Typically we are looking for love and connection. We are wanting long term satisfaction, happiness and attraction to our mate. So why not create the most conscious space for it. A space where our body wisdom can be heard?

 

Of course that would also mean that we would have to be willing to want to hear it.

And even more importantly it would require all of us women who desire to be standing strong in our personal power to also be willing to speak our truth and ask for our needs to be met around sex and sexual practices more, instead of just spreading our legs and letting the men in our lives do as they want unconsciously.

 

It would require us to speak up about safe sex.

It would require us to value ourselves enough to not just ask but demand that protection be used,

and if we are truly not wanting to have any children to have the conversations with our partner(s) around this.

 

We are not taught as a people to have this sort of real, open relating. We are not taught as women that we can ask and even demand that our bodies be respected as we choose.

We are not warned of the possible and common complications that can impact our bodies as well as our desires and psyche from such things as contraceptives, but we are taught as women that it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that we take care of that fertility thing.

 

I for one wish my mother had never stolen this right from me. I wish that my body had been given the opportunity to fully mature without extra hormones and all the issues that it has been known to cause on an undeveloped female productive system. I wish that I had been better educated in my youth about sex and sexual health and rights. I wish that someone had been there to guide me better and give me the option as to what to do with my body and explain everything instead of pushing me down what was considered normal and healthy, responsible.

 

At the end of the day,

The most loving and responsible thing we can do for ourselves as women and for the men we choose to do relationships with is to come into that relationship as OURSELVES.  Not altered by chemicals.

 

For the same reasons it is not a healthy practice to have sex drunk or under the influence of drugs,

we should not be having sex under the influence of hormones that are not of our own bodies design.

 

Perhaps we would find that more people would be happy in the relationship choices that they make.

Perhaps more people would not go through all the depression and lostness if they could be authentically themselves.

Perhaps more women would not be labeled “CRAZY” if they were not being bounced around by pharmaceuticals in the pursuit to make pregnancy all the woman’s responsibility and take away the responsibility of the men to be conscious of their bodies, their control and health.

 

Perhaps.

 

Just random thoughts from a mother of three daughters of her own. 

A woman who values her relationships with men, and wants to only get involved with those that are authentically “right” for me…

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Time to claim your truth is beautiful.

Time to say yes to valuing yourself, to loving yourself and knowing who you really are.

But in order to do this you have to desire to fall in love with the real you.

And if you are looking for love and success,

but wonder why it is always just out of grasp then maybe it’s really time for you to explore your truth.

From sexual health choices to learning your authentic yes and no,

you have never been told its okay to be YOU.

 

I am here to reveal to you that it is more than OKAY.

It is your duty to your happiness to do just that.

 

Reach out to me to discover options for coaching today.

THE ABSENCE OF WHO I AM, REALLY SUCKS!

THE ABSENCE OF WHO I AM, REALLY SUCKS! 🤯🤯🤯

 

Hating on self?

Or maybe you say that you don’t hate yourself.

You don’t dislike yourself even,

you are just frustrated.

Irritated.

Down on self because you are not feeling great in your skin.

 

And I get it.

I truly do.

We all go through these times.

 

And hey here is a little secret for you….🤫

I am currently in one of those moments in life where I am a bit down on myself. I am not in this moment in love with my body.

I am not in love with how I am feeling in my own skin,

and I am having issues looking myself in the mirror.

and even feeling sexy.

 

I sorta feel a bit grossed out by myself.

The way I got here is not really important.

And that is a tough concept to get through our human minds,

because we want to have our reasons, we want to analyze and figure out the reason behind the problem.

But that will never get the solving that we desire of the problem.

Because we are stating that we have a problem to begin with instead of just letting go of all this self-judgement and turning back to our truth.

Now it is important to be aware of habit changes,

of sabotaging thing that we have introduced into our lives,

into our thoughts and emotions,

that may be contributing to the support of this self-disgust.

The reality is that you can say that you love yourself all damn day long but if you are not loving your body enough to get it moving and consuming healthy foods, staying hydrated and getting enough sleep,

plus if you are choosing to stay in toxic relationship that are not feeding your heart and soul,

and you are not leaning into YOU…

then you simply are lieing your f-cking ass off to yourself about loving yourself.

 

You have to fall in love with yourself.

You have to own up to your power and stop making yourself so damn small.

Stop fearing the impressive, expansive person that YOU ARE.

 

And that my love is why you are so full of this yuckiness to yourself.

👉The reason that you don’t like yourself is because you’re not up to speed with yourself. 🛸🤯💃

 

You got that love?

YOU WERE BORN TO BE MARVELOUS.

You were created powerful, worthy and came into this world knowing such,

but it got stolen from you by the “good” lessons that your parents and the adults in your life taught you,

what society and school/church showed you,

and you started to believe that you were not powerful, worthy and abundant.

 

You started to believe that your light was dim.

and this means that you let go of being marvelous.

And that my dear was YOU.

 

So now the absence of you, really sucks!

It really does not have you feeling your best.

You are struggling to look into the mirror or make eye contact.

You are feeling frumpy and negative,

hating on your fleshy suit and hating on who you have allowed yourself to become.

 

When the answer to your problem…

if you want to call it that…

cause us humans love to solve problems, right?

 

Is that the reason that you are not liking yourself,

let alone in love with yourself ( an me too here),

is because you’re not ALLOWING yourself to be yourself.

You have cast your truth out.

 

And you sit back in your disgust over who you are right now,

and you maintain powerful focus on what needs to change, needs fixed, where you f-cked it all up at.

 

The worst thing that you can do though is just this.

Holding yourself in focus and finding a critical thought about you.

Because that action,

that manifestation that you are creating,

 

TAKES YOU AWAY FROM WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

 

And you are powerful AF!

You are deserving.

You are beautiful and strong.

You are courageous and loving.

You are intuitive and caring.

You are worthy and abundant.

 

That is who you are.

That is what you are to be living, RIGHT NOW!

 

And it is up to only you love to take yourself from this absence of self and get the f-ck lined back up.

Synchronize to your TRUTH.

YOUR SOUL.

 

GOD.

Here is where you will fall in love with you and become mesmerized by staring into your own eyes,

lost in the sea of you.

You will be captivated at your heart and your beauty and you will not just think that you are worthy,

you will KNOW without a doubt that you are,

because your soul knows.

Your souls never has questioned your worthiness or your power.

That is why you are feeling so bad love,

because you are questioning what your soul deeply is certain of.

 

And when you come back to YOU and who YOU REALLY ARE,

well that is when whatever the problems you are having with your body and life right now, will just wash away with ease.

 

Time to start loving on the most important person in your world wouldn’t you say?

 

And STOP trying to be all this or that for everyone else that is not you.

 

With all my love, beautiful.

Remember Who You Are.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to know more about living an abundant life?

Want to know the secrets to overcoming these little obstacles that can turn into mountains if left in the corners of our minds and rustling around in our energy? Reach out to me about my Asskickery Month of Private 1:1 Global Coaching now, where I will share with you how to overcome and have success in one subject area of your life in the next 4 to 6 weeks.

YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.

YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.
Goodbye.
To you and you and you…..
“So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu
So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye!
I’m glad to go, I cannot tell a lie
I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly.”
THAT’S IT!
And so we must part.
And part repeatedly we do.
Yet you long to hold me here in this moment,
forever captured by your desires.
But, neither of us can expand as long as we hold so tight.
Our power, our freedom and happiness,
comes from letting go.
Each moment that we are alive,
we are always transforming,
expanding or shrinking,
longing to be close, to merge and entwine,
or push away and fly free in who we are in the moment.
Goodbye feels permanent.
It is like the feeling of death, is it not?
And so we strive to avoid it.
We fear it.
And we try our damndest to make sure that things remain the same.
However in our attempts to keep all the same,
we destroy the beauty of our lives,
of our relationships,
we squash what was so dear.
And we then sit back and wonder why we feel such suffering.
We question why things went the way they did,
and why those that we wanted to hold precious to us turned and walked away without notice.
The answer my dear is in your desire to control.
To prevent your own pain.
You fear goodbye.
You fear transformation.
You fear your growth and the expansion of others.
You are living so far from your truth and from God in this moment that you cannot feel the love that is in store for you.
Love does not fear change or growth.
Love knows that this is an attraction based universe,
not a universe based on exertion and force of your will over everything.
Love knows no suffering.
Love never feels alone or jealous.
Love does not point fingers of blame and hatred.
Love does not look for reasons to not be love anymore but in turn become anger or drama.
There are things that we can be certain of in this life of ours.
1) All things change. Movement and expansion is a guarantee.
2) Everything is energy and operating at a frequency of its own.
3) You attract and keep in your sphere of vibration ONLY those things that are the same frequency, all other things will cause disturbance and cause separation between you and them.
Put simply,
Goodbye simply means that the energy was no longer there.
And goodbye is one of the most beautiful blessings that we are given in our lives.
It allows for all parties to be true to themselves if open to it.
We get what we need from the time spent together and then when our energies no longer connect ( vibe at the same frequency) we are set free from the engagement.
This is far from a sad event.
No matter what we are speaking of, may that be an intimate relationship, a friendship, a job or career, a home or car, etc.
This letting go of anything is only creating an opportunity for ALL PARTIES involved to move forward toward their highest and best version and experiences instead of being forever trapped with something that no longer serves their best self.
Can you imagine being trapped as a twelve year old you? Just held in all time as that version of self, with all the bondage that you most likely felt from family and society? Having longings and desires, wanting for more but knowing that you would never be able to have any of it because here is where you are eternally?
Sounds like hell, right?
And your suffering would be far greater than that of saying goodbye to your greatest love even.
Every moment that you are living.
Every person that you come in contact with,
every thought that you think and feeling that you have.
Changes who you are.
And you are never the same person you were just moments ago.
Therefore you are always saying goodbye to a version of you and to a version of whomever you are moving through life with.
Although these changes are subtle,
over time they transform us.
And create the energy gorge between us and others.
Our holding on to old versions of self and of others only causes damage to our souls expansion.
Because it creates separation between our TRUTH which is linked to God, and our life experience ( what we are perceiving here and now). This is where our anger and pain will stem from.
When we are feeling such anger and pain, blame, jealousy, worthlessness and fear we are being offered the gift of realization that we are NOT IN ALIGNMENT TO SELF.
Self is God in essence.
God consciousness moving through us.
Spirit. The divine.
And to be aligned to self,
knowing self which is pure love,
shows our alignment to God.
We cannot be aligned to God when operating from ego/fear.
And this causes constriction in the physical body and world ( our life experience).
We will start to experience chaos,
negative events, frustration and suffering.
Signs of separation.
You are powerful.
We all are powerful and worthy.
And we access this power through letting go in love not fear.
We reconnect ourselves to self and God by looking the demons of fear in the eyes and telling them to be gone,
that they are not our truth.
They are not of God.
They are not of self.
And we turn our focus to love.
To appreciation for EVERYTHING that was shared with us in moments past.
We focus in on the beauty,
the expansion and the greatness of what we have learned.
All relationship…
All relationships transform and change and say goodbye.
We all will say goodbye to each other in big ways and small ways in this lifetime.
Nothing is forever.
It was not designed to be such,
and you would ultimately not be fulfilled and happy if it all remained the same.
Look at your life,
at those in your world,
in your vibrational sphere.
And ask yourself,
” Am I holding onto this energy in love or fear?”
“Am I grasping for it wanting to control it? Or am I breathing into it and allowing it to wash through me, whirl around me and carry me to my next highest level of self?”
One is ego based.
One is aligned to God and self.
You get to choose your path and write this chapter of your novel.
What does this chapter close like?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to explore the soul’s code to love, happiness and abundance? Reach out to me for my Asskickery Month of Coaching Special available globally 1:1 NOW!

IS THIS THING CALLED LIFE EVEN WORTH IT?

SOME DAYS YOU QUESTION…

IS IT EVEN WORTH IT?

 

You know those days where your chest feels so tight it hurts to even try and take a shallow breath,

and you know that what you really need to do is to breathe deep and force yourself to just relax,

but you can’t.

It hurts too effing bad.

You feel like your chest is going to erupt at any second from the pressure that it is under and your heart is beating faster than it should,

you woke with enough anxiety for two countries of people,

and your mind won’t stick to anything positive.

The thoughts,

the fears,

worry dances around you assuring you that today is going to suck,

just like life is sucking. And you question….

 

Is any of this even worth it?

Does anyone really care?

Do I matter?

And if I do, is it just so I can be of service without support coming back? Am I only here on this planet to be used?

 

The blame game is a nasty one,

and you know it’s not even accurate,

but there you go anyway,

down that rabbit hole,

feeding yourself another solemn tail of defeat and suffering.

 

Your mind is a chatter with how you need to just put an end to your suffering,

you have no reason to continue so it appears,

your heart is shattered and no one sees it,

or cares.

 

You are lost.

Lost in your pain.

Lost in your inability to love yourself.

Lost in your fear of change.

Lost in desire to control and you cannot see it.

Your ego has you by the balls,

and there is a strange fulfillment in it.

 

Shhhh…. don’t tell anyone that in your pain you are comfortable.

 

But it is true.

 

You are happy here in this suffering,

it is serving you for the time.

It is gaining you the attention that you desire,

it is getting those who are around you to notice you somehow.

Your vibe is so low that they feel a need to check in on you,

to inquire and at very least pretend that they care.

 

And to this there is an inner smiling.

But not for long.

Quickly you dismiss it.

And move on to another thought of your inner suffering,

pointing more fingers,

spewing out hatred and pain to anyone who will listen.

Confirming your misery.

 

And controlling that it will not leave you.

 

Yes my love,

Did you catch that?

 

You are controlling  your pain.

You are forcing it to stay with you.

You are the one who is hanging on to it.

 

You are truly that powerful,

that you have chosen to put yourself into this bondage.

 

You are truly that genius to have devised a life of suffering that is so masterfully planned out that even you yourself can no longer see it for the mastery that it is in your power.

 

Choosing blindness over sight.

Choosing to remain harnessed to the inner demons that you feed with your thoughts and actions.

Choosing to control them,

through your dictatorship of what you cannot do.

 

But if you could just breathe.

If you could just allow yourself to settle down into that cavity of your heart and feel the beating of its beauty and power.

If you could if only for today allow yourself a moment to release all the emotion that resides there,

let the tears stream without attachment,

without a need to think about them,

but to just let them go.

 

If you could do this and breathe.

Deeper and deeper,

letting yourself feel yourself and love,

love you for all your humanness,

and your tender beauty and powerful soul,

then perhaps you would be able to turn the corner to this self inflicted suffering.

 

Perhaps then you could come from your strength.

From that place deep inside of you that knows its worthiness,

embraces its power and see’s how it is truly the creator of your life.

 

If you could do this for only one minute today,

just one focused minute imagine the glorious thing that could stem from this place?

 

Imagine what it would be like to ALLOW yourself to turn that corner and to STOP the suffering game that you are playing with yourself.

 

Imagine what life might be like if instead of denying yourself the ability to feel good,

you in turn started to say yes to yourself with the things that you know you desire, crave and need.

 

You question your worthiness…

yet you do not treat yourself with any worth.

 

You question if you should continue on…

yet you deny the allowance of living from a yes point to self.

 

You roll in the muddy contamination of your thoughts claiming that you are shackled there while holding the key to your freedom.

 

And the reality is the same for any of us…

 

We will only make a change when we are ready to make that change.

 

When we are done with the service that pain offers.

When we are done controlling from this vibrational level and we are ready to truly step into our power of self love.

Ready to surrender to your true nature,

to create a life of thriving.

 

But first you must question…..

 

How is this suffering serving me?

Why am I so attached to this pain?

How is controlling my life through pain supporting my current desires?

 

And you must go deep with yourself if you are to unblock yourself from what you claim you no longer want.

 

You must get authentically raw with yourself and be willing to see those inner shadows for what they are….

 

for how you….

YES YOU ARE THEIR MASTER.

 

Are you ready to turn the corner?

 

Because this world needs your light.

And you my dear,

YOU ARE WORTHY OF A LIFE OF THRIVING.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Stop with the mind f-ck games that you are playing with yourself and learn the secrets to thriving now.

 

You can create the life of your dreams in one minute a day.

 

Message me for deet’s on the Magick Minute Program.

They Are Called Your Emotions For A Reason.

THEY ARE CALLED YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A REASON.

 

Truth Bomb Here.

Are you like most of the world that believe that others are responsible for your emotional state,

for the feelings that YOU are having about any subject in your life?

 

Or are you self-aware enough and proactive enough to understand that they are YOUR emotions, meaning that YOU and only you are responsible for them.

 

No one else can make you feel any way.

You get to choose how you feel about something.

You get to choose how you react to something.

You CHOOSE.

 

This is by far one of the most challenging things to grasp in life,

We are taught that we need to act, speak and even think through everything in ways to not harm or cause anyone else to feel bad.

We are told that we are not good enough,

that we are too much,

that we are RESPONSIBLE for how others feel about themselves,

about situations and how they perceive us.

 

And yes,

to a degree we are responsible.

Our actions and words most certainly can trigger other’s into a negative or positive spiral.

Our actions do contribute to how we are perceived.

 

But we are not solely responsible for another’s feels, views or perceptions.

 

We each have an ability to be proactive in our thinking,

which leads to us being proactive in our feeling,

and to pause before we assume anything.

 

Becoming self-aware means to become authentic with self.

It means that we are willing to get real and raw with ourselves, and to acknowledge that anothers words or actions have only triggered an old program or wound,

and once triggered that we are now feeling this old emotion as though it is current.

 

The insecurities that we hold about ourselves,

the hatred that we have for ourselves,

the self- judgement, and shame…

All of these play a role in our emotions that can get triggered by an event or person.

 

But these internal landscapes that we all have,

are not another’s responsibility to cautiously thread through.

It is each of our own responsibility to self and to our lives,

to do the deep personal work to heal and become aware of.

 

If we do not do our own inner work,

then we are destined to walk through life feeling disempowered,

feeling a victim,

not understood and always attacked.

We will continue to view life as though we have no control and point fingers in blame at those we love,

at life experiences,

our governments, churches, schools, work.

 

However, when we choose to get real with self,

to practice self- love, healthy boundaries, knowing our desire’s, speaking our truth and RELEASING OURSELVES from the responsibility of everyone else’s feelings,

as well as taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions,

we become EMPOWERED.

 

By doing this, we walk through life with less shame, guilt, blame, judgement on self or others and we approach life from a healthier state of relating.

 

We can now speak in confidence our needs,

state clearly our yes and no and also accept another’s

without falling into an old wound or fear and needing to control an outcome.

 

We release the world and especially our loved one’s from the driver’s seat of our lives.

 

They are called your emotions for a reason.

They are all your’s.

 

And when we had them over to someone else,

we hold an expectation that the other person will and “should” always put us before them.

 

And if they do not,

then we are hurt and feel as though they do not love us, that they are selfish and heartless,

that we are not safe with them.

 

When in fact,

what we are asking for by turning over our power to another,

by making them responsible for our emotions is what is self-centered.

 

And if the other does always hold us before them,

guarding us and never letting us feel any uncomfort,

then what they are doing is hiding themselves from us.

The relationship is NOT authentic.

We have successfully required this other person, to mute themselves, change who they are, pretend at all cost and hide from us and themselves,

so that we can feel secure.

 

How is this love?

How is this respect?

How is this authentic relating?

 

 

It’s NOT.

 

Life is a risk.

24/7 you risk if you are breathing.

 

Security…

Safety…

It’s an illusion.

 

Love is risky.

And you can choose to lean into it and enjoy its bliss however long it lasts,

or you can shut it down and try and control it so that you can live in a mirage for however long it lasts.

One allows for growth and truth.

The other, causes bitterness and wounds that may never get repaired between people.

 

Which do you choose?

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how you can move into a truly authentic, loving relationship and heal the wounds of your past so you can have a F-ck Yes life and relationship?

 

Message me today for deet’s on global and local coaching now.

 

The Land Of Nobody…

Good Morning Beautiful!

How did you sleep?

Were your slumbers restful and pleasant or did they have you tossing in your bed?

 

Did you wake refreshed, vibrant and charged for this day or are you among the many of the walking dead,

those who cannot bear the idea of waking because it’s just another groundhog day?

 

Day in and day out,

the same events,

the same stories,

the same people.

 

Waking with a feeling of “why?”

And does any of it,

Especially me, even matter?

 

Looking about your life and questioning if anyone truly cares.

Or are they only there for what you have to offer,

at their convenience.

 

Yes, you know that feeling.

That feeling of,

“Nobody sees me. Nobody loves me. Nobody cares.”

 

This beautiful is the Land of Nobody.

 

And it is not a pretty place to reside.

It is not a place that you can manifest your dreams from,

it will never call into your life your ideal lover,

the money that you crave for,

the health or success.

It will never bear the fruit of happiness.

Because  you see beautiful,

the Land of Nobody,

is a fictitious land that you have created your misery from.

It is a land that you have bought into,

because it is what you feel comfortable in.

 

Oh yes,

I just said that beautiful.

 

The Land of Nobody is one that brings you comfort.

That is a hard pill to swallow I know.

But it is so true.

Just as true as it is that this land will not bring you what you claim you want for,

and most certainly will not bring you what your soul is calling you toward,

and you see THAT is exactly why you are feeling so lost in yourself,

so alone,

so unloved,

so fearful,

so unseen,

unheard,

uncared for or valued.

 

And it is from this place of “UN” that you keep calling in the evidence to support your comfort in suffering.

 

You feel all the “UN” because IT IS NOT TRUE.

 

Your soul KNOWS differently.

Your soul see’s who you really are and what your life has to offer,

but you are withholding yourself from all your glory by focusing in on the finding of the evidence,

the proving to yourself and anyone who will listen,

that you are in the Land of Nobody wants me.

 

And the sad truth beautiful is that as long as you sit here,

focused on the “UN” and the nobody with such passion,

you will NEVER be able to “fix” the problem of what you are manifesting.

 

You will never feel loved.

You will never feel valued.

You will never feel wanted.

 

From this space.

And you will certainly not attract anyone into your world that will “MAKE YOU” feel that way.

 

Because you have created and keep creating a great momentum around not having it show up for you,

that even when the universe/God sends things into your life,

to show you how abundant and loved you really are,

you reject them by looking the other way,

or pushing your will onto life in an attempt to control it and “make it” happen,

thus supporting your need to show that you can’t have it without a fight.

 

Your belief is that life is hard.

That you must suffer.

That you have to work hard to get things that you want.

Your belief is that life is out to get you in some fashion and does not have your back.

 

But that belief is just a thought that you keep active by focusing on finding evidence for it.

 

You “think” it is such and therefore it is.

But you have to change the thoughts in your head,

and the way you are feeling about your life.

You have the WAKE THE F-CK UP.

And start witnessing what could be by putting your focus on that and then not trying to force it into existence.

 

God/Universe does not like being controlled like that,

Does not like having its hands tied,

and if you keep tieing them then you will keep getting what you have been,

because what you want for gets offered day in and day out,

opportunities to have it knock at your door,

but you keep your door locked up tight not allowing the Universe/God to reveal to you your value, your worthiness.

 

So if you won’t let the energy that has created universes to show you a brilliant life worth living and enjoying,

and all your dreams manifesting,

then how the f-ck do you ever expect the people in your life to show it to you?

 

YOU BEAUTIFUL have to open up to it.

You are the only one who can access any of it.

Putting your needs and desires onto others and then getting mad that they won;t do what you want,

when you want,

how you want,

is a self-centered, spoiled, egotistical action.

And will only keep providing you with not having.

 

So if you are among the millions who woke up today,

focused on not having what you want in life,

feeling like you are unloved,

unappreciated,

“UN” somethinged….

 

Then this message is directed at you.

Because I fully understand that feeling of “UN”

that feeling of walking around the Land of Nobody,

and I can tell you that no solution or joy ever came from this place.

 

And we each may venture into this land every now and then,

but it is up to us,

and ONLY US,

venture right back out.

 

So take back your power beautiful,

stop handing it over to the ebbs of your life,

stop looking to not be supported,

and instead KNOW that you are with certainty.

Know that you are loved,

because you love yourself enough to wake the f-ck up and feel it for yourself,

you love yourself enough to stop disrespecting your life,

and instead to open up to it and receive its glory.

 

 

You are worthy beautiful.

You are loved.

You are appreciated and valued.

 

Venture In Certainty for what you want not what you fear.

 

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

Let’s do this!

You and me,

this summer.

Break free from your shiz once and for all and fall in love with the dynamic, powerhouse that YOU are.

No one is like you.

And you have a life worth sharing,

worth enjoying.

You have one life love.

One.

Let’s make it a F-ck Yes! One NOW.

Message me for deet’s on how to do this.

Vehicular Assault In The Bedroom – Is It Acceptable?

A man is out with his buddies after a long day at the office. They stop into a local pub to have a drink or two and shoot the shit. A few hours go by, they root for the sports team, throw about some “F” bombs, share about the days and the stupid people at work. The man starts to feel tired so decides it’s time to head home to his family.
On his drive home he gets more exhausted and his eyes are heavy. The couple of drinks although they don’t significant impact him are not making things any better right now.
He comes up to an intersection and does not slow down in time, thinking there is not really traffic at this hour and is not overly concerned about running a stop sign in his quiet neighborhood.
Unfortunately, as he roles through the stop sign he hits a pedestrian.
He did not see this person out walking and somehow completely missed their presence on the curb as they stepped off the curb to cross the road.
The man is later charged with vehicular assault. He has his driver’s license taken from him, serves time in jail and pays a hefty fine. He has this mark on his record for some time to come.
Is this right?
Does he deserve to have his whole life tipped upside down over an accident. He was not drunk. He was not speeding. He was not deliberately trying to harm another human.
Yet his life is upside down from this event.
Seriously now, ponder this.
Does he deserve to be punished as the law states?
If he had killed this pedestrian his punishment would have been worse.
Now if you are like most people,
you may say,
“Yes he deserves the punishment.”
–>He was being clumsy and not responsible in his actions.
–>He should have not had as much to drink as he did, stopped sooner, ate some food to offset his alcohol.
–>He should have just gone home in the first place since he was tired.
–>He knew his state of being and should have worked harder at being more present while driving.
–>He knew the streets in his neighborhood well, he knew that the stop sign was there, so he should have stopped.
–> Etc. Etc.
You may also think it brutal that his whole world get’s halted and goes into chaos from the accident, thinking that may be a little harsh BUT, it was ultimately his fault. His mistake and look at what he did to the pedestrian and their life? Can they function fully? Do they need surgery? What came of their life?
Now let’s look at the this same man,
same tail,
He is out to the pub with his buddies, he gets tired and he decides to go home to his loving family. He goes home with no issues. His children greet him on their way to bed, his wife has saved him dinner in the microwave and kisses him hello.
She inquires about his day and he says it was okay, just a bunch of stupid people to deal with as usual.
They settle into watching a TV show and news.
All seems happy and normal.
They go to bed and the man snuggles up behind his wife rubbing her hip and butt a little. He kisses her softly on the neck a couple times. He slips his hand down between her legs from behind to touch her pussy. Tapps it softly with his fingers. Brings his hand back up, spits in his hand and rubs his spit on her vulva that is exposed from this position. He is hard and ready, she is laying on her side holding her breath. She knows what is coming and even though she does not want it, she says nothing. Hoping that maybe he won’t. Maybe he will see that she is not interested.
He rubs the spit around a bit more, grabs his erection and without word sticks it into her. He is on his knees, holding her hip down to hold her on her side. He is forceful, fast and deep in his penetration. He is moaning in pleasure and giving primal earthy groans as he fucks her. She does not move. He continues until he cums.
He lays down behind her, kisses her on the cheek and says,
” I love you. Good night.”
She stays still as he drifts off to sleep and starts to snore.
When he is snoring, she gets up and goes to the bathroom.
His cum is dripping out of her.
She sits to pee.
As she pee’s her vulva and labia burn from the friction of the sex that her body was not ready for.
Her gut hurts from the anxiety and pain of going through this.
And tears stream down her cheeks as she softly sobbs, hoping no one will hear her, hoping that she can just make it through the night and next day.
The morning comes,
the sun rises.
her husband is rested and ready for his work day.
He grabs coffee and breakfast,
kisses the kids and her goodbye,
wishes them all a good day and tells her that he loves her.
She gets the kids ready and out the door for school,
darts to the shower where she washes herself diligently because she feels so filthy and disgusting. She weeps as the whole event and every event before it no matter from her husband or another man plays in her head like some morbid cruel reality show. She gets out of the shower, telling herself its time to put the game face on. She has a family that needs her and work to get done. No time for this pity party and after all he is her husband and he is a man and it just is the way it is. After all, he loves her. He is a good provider, a good father.
She has nothing to want for.
But she wants.
She wants for the pain to go away.
She wants to feel loved, not used.
She wants to not feel the anxiety around going to bed every night or waking up in the morning to the same event.
She wants for him to see that what he is doing is not okay.
That her world internally is upside down and she is slowly falling apart.
–>Her work life is stressful.
–>She cannot stay focused.
–>Her physical body is always sick and hurting.
–>Her hormones are out of balance.
–>She is exhausted physically and emotionally.
–>She is irritable.
–>She cries for what seems like no reason randomly.
–>She has no real interest in life.
–>She appears to be depressed.
–>She gained a bunch of weight.
–>She is drinking more and popping pills to sleep, to wake up, to keep her going and keep her mood somewhat stabilized.
Now I want you to ponder this scenario.
What comes up for you?
Is this acceptable?
Is it okay that her world is upside down and that she is living in this state?
Is it ok that her husband just continues on like this?
I mean after all,
–> He had a tough day at the office.
–> He was tired and most likely just did not realize what he was doing.
–> He had a few drinks so he was not fully aware and did not catch that she was not into it.
–>If she was into it she would have said something or pushed him away, right? So its her fault.
–>He needed the release to help him sleep, to help him destress.
–>Men need sex more than women.
–>Most women are never into it and are none orgasmic unless drunk so this is normal.
–> She just needs to get over it, its not that big of a deal, its just a little sex.
–> He does everything for her, there is no question of his love.
–>Its not like he physically broke her or tried to kill her. He did not hit her with a car.
–> His actions were not on purpose. His intent was not to harm, he thought she was okay with it.
So that makes his actions of flipping her life upside down acceptable?
But if he hits a pedestrian then he should have been more present,
he should have paid more attention and known where he was at and what the dangers were.
He hit a pedestrian and now they cannot function clearly, they are in pain, they are emotionally messed up, their home and work life are in shambles.
So for that yes, he needs to be punished for harming another human even though it was not on purpose.
Really?
I want you today to sit with these tales.
I want you to go deep inside yourself and ask yourself why one is okay and the other is not?
I want you to ask yourself why excuses and lack of understanding and presence should be easily forgiven or not even considered when we speak about raping a partner but it is different for other events?
And then I want you to realize that 74% of married/coupled women go through this weekly or monthly.
And if you are a man who is married or coupled with a woman I want you to examine your choices and get real.
Stop accepting excuses from self and others.
The damage caused from moments like this is not small and most of the time cannot be  repaired fully. This sort of event tears apart the foundations of love and trust.
And if you think differently then you are a fool.
It’s time to wake up men.
It’s time to stop being blind to your haphazard self centered ways and its time to actually love your woman.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
Want to learn more on healing relationships in 2020 and how to uncomplicate your couplehood. Reach out to me for deet’s on my individual and couples coaching available globally.

Ignorance Is Not Permission

Most men cannot fathom what sex is like for a woman in any possible fashion.
 
The link between the emotional,
the mental and the physical is not something a man typically can understand to the depths of the feminine.
 
It is truly a rare masculine who obtains this sort of awareness and understanding and then adhears to it.
 
Most men are boys in their sexing,
allowing ignorance to rule thier love making and haphazardly moving forward in it.
 
Unfortunately this style of relating to the feminine only ends in the cause of severe trauma to the female and frustration and shut down to both parties.
 
In sexing it is often assumed that sex is just sex.
And it most certainly can be.
That is why one night stands can be fantastic,
we can walk into a sexual encounter,
being open, playful and wanting to simply have fun and a good orgasm. Typically both parties are very present in these moments and the ego nature of us humans being have us wanting to show what we can do, so we make sure to leave a promising memory with this person to that we feel proud about when they look back at this memory they will still carry a “Wow, that lover was great!” vibe.
 
Unfortunately we don’t bring this same sort of concept into our long term relationships.
 
Here we focus more on what commitment means to us and how we can best get our needs met over all.
Accepting mediocre connection time, intimacy and sex until it wears one or both parties out and empties the relationship of all the glue that was holding it together.
 
The allowance of mediocre sexing and intimacy in our relationships is the succumbing to hopelessness and thus the enabling of blind trauma to occur.
 
How is this possible if both parties seemingly agree to have the mediocre sexing though?
 
A few things are happening:
 
1) Most women do not know how to ask for what they need in sex and have ton’s of shame wrapped up around sex in general, believing that it is mostly for the man and his pleasure as well as a frustration to their own pleasure because it “takes too long” for her to achieve any result.
 
2) Most women will test their men, as the feminine does to see how present the man is and how much he really wants to give to her or how much she means to him so will not communicate what is needed because she wants and needs his penatrative inquiry.
 
3) If a woman has shared her needs and desires with a man, she is now looking for him to make the appropraite calibration and show that he was being present with her in his listening and has a desire to please her.
 
4) If mediocre sexing continues typically a woman will just give up. In her giving up she shuts down her sex even more as well as her heart to her man. Her trust in him has been so far breached from his haphazord pushing forward and ignorant resisance to listening and applying what has been shared that she knows now that he is untrustworthy of holding her heart and love. So even though she may remain with him physically he slowly and often quiet quickly looses her heart forever.
 
5) Men focus on the number of thrusts and the speed they can move in sexing, thinking that changing position every 3 minutes is an ideal, when in fact a woman needs her lover to slow down, focus in on certain spots with attention and care not force and speed. If men were to treat a womans whole body as a sexual organ then he would be able to bring her attention to openning up sexually and ignite her sexual juices
 
6) Men typically get focused on the genitals, especailly their genitals and forget all about the females body. Ignoring what the body reactions are and even block out what the woman is saying during sex whether with her voice or with her hands and body language. This is where he becomes blind to her requests to stay in one place, to keep that rhythm, to give more or less. In the ignoring of what her body and voice are asking for he often without realization ends up either hurting her phsyically or leaving her hanging on the brink of orgasm with no release causing female blue balls and over a time frame sexual shut down which leads to emotional distancing and hormone disturbance.
 
7) Women often tell their man that they would never say no to him sexually. On the front side of a relationship this is stated in playfulness and is meant full heartedly. But the woman is also most likely getting fed orgasm by her man as well. Once the tides turn and she is no longer being cared for sexually, she may adhear to this statement but every time a man assumes that it is okay to just push for sex in this way he is causing physical/emotional and mental trauma to his female partner.
 
8) If your woman is not having real orgasms, not just a few clitorial ones, but real deep G-spot or cervical orgasms blended with the clitorial ones then it is pretty simple to assume that at some point she will start to feel like a masturbation tool for you, and that she does not matter to you as a person or as your woman. Every sexual encounter will turn into a rape trauma for her no matter how great it felt for you as the man. The more this happens, the deeper she will burry herself from you to protect her heart. No amount of flowers, trips, gifts or sweet “I love you’s and you are world to me.” will matter, because the evidence of how much she really matters shows between the sheets in your sexing.
 
So what is the solution?
How can Mr. Fix It – fix it?
 
Listen to your woman.
–>Inquire with the questions that your ego is scared to ask.
 
–>Don’t accept the answer,
“I am fine, we are fine/good.” – “Our sex is good.”
If you think your woman is having an orgasm in sex, question what orgasm really is and what it looks and feels like when you are with her.
 
–>Read my article – 90 Days Without Orgasm https://www.tantrictransformation.com/90-days-of-no-orgasm-say-what/
and pay attention to the list of 29 things that happen to women when they don’t have reeal orgasm in their life, if your woman has these things or just some of them, do the reeality check with yourself as to what the truth is no matter what she says to save your delicate ego, ( because yes, all of us women believe that men cannot handle the truth in this department and that if we tell them the truth then love will be retracted from us or that our man will become distant or anger, guilt or shame us and that its just better an easier if we go along without sharing the truth.)
 
–> Slow down in the bedroom.
–> Make love to her vulva and breasts first.
–> Always, always, always get permission for sex!
–> Make sure she cums first and if possible multiple times.
–> Be present with her whole body not just what face she is making, her face can lie to you.
–> Listen to her requests and do as directed.
–> Don’t make everything about the sex. You woman needs communication, connection and your time and presence outside of sexing as well.
–> Check your ego FREQUENTLY.
–> Stop accepting average and ordinary sexing in your life and relationship.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Want to learn more about female sexuality and how to achieve deep connective states of being with a woman? Want to learn the secrets of superiour love making and relating? Reach out to me for individual or couples coaching now. It is a perfect time to save your relationship and reignite the passion. I work with people globally.

Are You Hiding From The Truth In Your Relationship?

Retraction.
The holding of the breath.
The gripping of one’s fist.
Fidgetting.
 
What we expereince when something is shared that we don’t want to hear.
 
It can be hard to hear our partner speak about what they are feeling. How they are thinking. Or the challenges that they are having in the relationship.
 
It can be terrifying at times and make us question if the relationship will survive.
It can make us feel weak,
defeated, not enough, lost even.
 
When our partner throws a verbal dagger at us,
whether they know it or not,
it hurts.
 
And we find ourselves tossed between gratitude for finding out and a desire to not know any more.
To just make it go away.
 
The gratitude is our soul telling us that this is what is needed,
if our partner had not openned up and shared then that would mean that the relationship was already dead and it was just a matter of time till we discover its corpse.
 
This is what happens frequently however,
so often couples carry on and one partner is blind and deaf to the truth of what state the relationship is in, until it is too late and then they scratch their head in confussion of , “How is this possible, I thought everything was good?”
 
If we lean into the desire to make this pain go away and to not hear it anymore,
we may find ourselves retracting our love to our partner.
We may find ourselves just simply disregaurding what they are sharing and moving along as though it never happened.
Hoping that if we don’t talk about it or give it attention that it will change on its own.
 
This is detrimental to the releationship, however.
Making excuses up as to why you cannot focus on this right now, saying that this is the wrong tme to bring it up, saying that its all in our partners head or that thats not true, are all statements sharing that you do not value your partners feelings, thoughts or heart and that you are more caught up on the gut punch and how bad it was of them to make you feel this or to ask for something.
 
This is also detrimental to the realtionship.
 
The ONLY path to choose in this instance “IF” you desire to keep the relationship that you have and to make it strong and happy again is to PAUSE and listen without denial, without hiding, without excuses or fighting.
 
This is what is referred to as
“holding space.”
 
Coaches and therapist’s do this all the time for their clients.
The answers are often formed through the venting,
the sharing, the allowance of the feeling.
 
As a couple, if you desire to take some bad news shared and turn it into gold, then this is the sapce to start in.
 
If you close the door to the communication,
if you get angered or bitter about the sharing,
if you go into attack mode,
or allow your fear to control,
then you will find yourself pushing your partner further away.
 
Communication is the key to holding a relationship together.
Communication is the key to healing a relationship.
Commincation is the key to building trust, intimacy and love.
 
But communicating means listening without judgement or a need to be right or change what someone else is feeling or thinking.
 
Comminucation also means presenting a safe space where your partner feels permission and safety in speaking what they need and that their words will be heard and acknowledged.
 
Commincation means sharing your truth.
Sharing what you are feeling, fearing, troubled with, needing, not liking, liking, loving.
 
If you want a turned on, empowered relationship then you have to move away from surface level relating.
You must be willing to hear it all and hold that space for self and your partner.
 
You must be willing to offer what is going on with you and INQUIRE about what your partner is expereincing,
 
Most relationships today do not do this.
They believe that they do,
but they don’t.
 
Most relationships accept the answer of,
“I am good. I am fine. We are good.”
 
The simple truth is that relationship requires work, time, energy, truth, compassion,communicating, stepping back from a need to be right.
 
If you don’t take the time right now to share with your partner or to hold space for your partner to share and actually listen to what they are sharing, understanding that every share is valuable, then what you will discover is that your relationship will end.
 
If you claim that you love your partner.
Claim that you love your relationship.
Claim that it is the most important thing to you.
That it and them matter.
 
Then let it be witnessed through your actions of taking the time and making it priority.
 
Without shame.
Without guilt.
Without anger.
Without retraction.
Without accusations.
 
But with LOVE.
 
If you think you don’t have time to do this,
then I promise you that you will find a time that it will not longer beasking for your time.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for 1:1 couples and individual coaching availble world wide and/or group coaching focused on this and more.