MY DADDY EARL JUST LOVES IT WHEN I PRAY, YA’LL.
I get down on my knees before him and he praises God at the sight of it. Every time he pops his lips I know exactly what he wants from me. I lick my lips and start to hum him the song of an angel.
I love how he gets so passionate at my hummin’.
Sometimes he will even grab a hold of my pigtails and shake full of the holy ghost moving through him. He tells me that when the holy ghost moves through him that it is his favorite thing and only my hummin’ can make it happen.
I love making him shake in spirit like that.
Makes me feel so good inside.
I went there.
If you missed my livestream on this then maybe you need to go explore it.
Or maybe not…
Not if you are a prude that is.
Please don’t, I do not want to hear it from you in that case or have you rolling your eyes at my crazy.
You know it was not that long ago that I would have freaked the
f-ck out about playing games like this with my lover.
I would have been too caught up in my own bullsh*t to have fun.
I would have believed that my partner would not like me if I pretended to play like this.
I mean sex is serious.
Relationships are serious.
LOL… not good sex and relationship.
Sure there is some seriousness in there, of course,
but if you are not laughing, finding yourself feeling youthful, full of desire and thirst for fun then I can tell you that your relationship and sex are getting ready to flatline if they have not already.
I have worked with so many hundreds of couples through the last decade as a relationship coach and the one thing that I am always sharing with them is how important PLAY is in the relationship.
Playfulness inside and outside of the bedroom or wherever you are doing the nasty at…
More than just dinner and a movie.
Get creative, learn something new together.
Get a little edgy, make your heart flutter like it was your first kiss all over again.
Do things that you typically would not think to be a date even.
Some of my favorite dates and sexual experiences did not cost a fortune. They did not take place in traditional ways.
But instead they revealed to me my lovers desire, joy, inner child and explorer. They created a space for each of us to explore ourselves and each other in ways that we had not yet.
One time I was told to meet my lover at a gas station. I did so and he filled up my car, then told me to drive next door and give my keys to the man at the detail shop. I did so. He followed me and picked me up there. I got into his car, he blind folded me, kissed me passionately and asked if I was ready for a little fun adventure.
I said yes.
He said okay we got 90 minutes.
Next thing I knew he handed me a glass of my favorite chardonnay in a togo wine glass. I took a few sips and he took it from me replacing it with some glass yoni eggs and told me to insert them and do some squeezes.
I did so.
Then he handed me a little bullet vibrator and told me to insert that.
And so I did.
There I sat, eggs vibrating in my vagina, wine back in hand, blindfolded in his car as he drove around a parking lot a bit to make sure I had no clue what direction we were headed next.
From there he took me to lunch.
He parked the car,
came around my side and got me out, blindfold still on.
Walked me into a busy restaurant and told me to walk up to the nice man at the register and tell her I wanted the special.
ANd so I took a deep breath and did so.
As I did this I could hear all the people passing me by, talking about what was going on, wondering what we were doing, snickering. I could feel their eyes even though I could not see them. I had to face myself.
I had to face my own ego at this moment.
My lover took my hand and arm and walked me to a table where he sat me down, got me some more wine, helped me sip it and then he proceeded to feed me lunch while I sat there helpless and blindfolded.
Once done he walked me back to the car,
got me buckled in and took me off to….
Dessert of course. 🙂
He parked again,
walked me into a cold and strange smelling place.
Told me to ask the nice man at the register for the special, and so I did.
The man handed me a waffle cone with my favorite ice cream in it.
My lover took me back to the car, got me buckled and drove around in circles some more.
The sun would hit me in the eye’s every now and then and I found myself wanting for the next moment of surprise.
Sure enough he stopped the car.
Got me out but before doing so, took my shoes off.
As I got out I found myself standing on something wet and cool, he asked if I knew where I was, but I did not.
Then I got back in the car.
From there he drove a distance, the road changed from paved to dirt. And he parked.
He came around and got me out of the car, still barefoot.
He walked me through some grass, up and over a wood bridge of some sort and into a closed in space that felt like it was out in the middle of a field. Here is bound my wrists, kissed me some more and began to touch me passionately.
Before I knew it he was laying me down on a blow up mattress that was out here in this building we were in.
He removed my clothes, kissed my body with hunger.
My excitement grew.
I was trying to figure out where we were,
I could feel a breeze by my feet and my head at the same time, yet I was in some enclosed structure. As I scooted up the bed some and he proceeded to go down on me, my bound arms lifted above my head to only find themselves in some bushes and grass right there.
Where was I?
He devoured me.
He made passionate primal love to me.
It was heated and intense.
Once done, he grabbed me, stood me up, dressed me, walked me back to his car, unbound me wrists but kept the blindfold on.
Got me in the car, handed me my wine and then we drove off.
Before I knew it he was parking.
He leaned in, kissed me, told me he loved me and hoped that I enjoyed our adventure as he took off my blindfold.
There I was parked behind my now detailed and fully cleaned and gassed up car.
90 minutes after the time I had dropped it off.
He wished me a great afternoon and got me my car keys.
To this day I do not know all the details of this adventure.
But what I do know is how much I loved it.
How I will cherish that moment in time forever.
How I accessed a deeper level of myself, of my sex and of that relationship in that moment.
It was vulnerable.
It was intimate.
It was connective.
It required trust on both sides.
It was playful and it brought us both great joy.
And what did it take?
Well we will never know because he ain’t tellin’
but what it ultimately took was CREATIVITY and DESIRE TO PLAY.
And that is the point to this whole tale and to my livestream earlier.
In relationship we grow tired and bored of our sex and of each other because we forget how to court.
We forget how to play, to laugh and be joyous in our sex and relationship and therefore it all gets tiring and old.
Like a chewed up piece of gum that lost its flavor years ago.
But it does not have to be like that.
You can have a dynamic connective deep relationship if you will simply allow yourself to get real and raw,
to be seen and to enjoy.
Stop taking your sex so damn seriously.
Instead start enjoying your flesh, your partner’s flesh.
Your laugh and their laugh.
Get a little edgy with each other.
Discuss things you would like to explore and try.
Start to believe that you can be creative,
that you do have the time,
and that it does not have to take an arm and a leg to create spectacular events for the one you love.
It’s time to level up your love.
It’s time to stop accepting boring as your normal in your sex and relationship.
It’s time to get down and dirty and play in the sandbox together.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to claim that F-ck Yes! Relationship with your partner?
Ready to stop settling for boring as your norm?
I sure AF hope so! Cuz’ you are worthy of so much more and so is your relationship and sex.
Reach out to me today to learn the secrets of a playful turned on relationship.
WATCH THE LIVESTREAM HERE NOW!
DESIRABLE DOES NOT MEAN ACCEPTED.
Today I was speaking to a man that told me that he thought that I was a highly desirable woman.
Yesterday I was having lunch with a man who told me that he just thinks that the rest of the world looks at me the way he does and sees me in that way.
A few days ago, I was working with a man who said, “Wow, if I could just find someone like you.”
Last week an old lover of mine told me that he never stopped desiring and loving me.
And a few years ago a man who crept into my space and heart told me how desirable I was, and he did so daily for some time.
Prior to him, there were a few more men who claimed the same.
And they all said that they loved me for who I was,
for my radiance, my glow, my light.
They loved how playful and turned on I was to life.
They loved witnessing me with my family,
and watching me teach classes.
They loved my out of the box ways, even though it made them breathe, because they knew that it meant that they needed to grow and that they wanted to be a better man by being around me.
All of these men said that I awoke them to a greater understanding of who they were,
I brought desire back into their lives,
and they never expected that from a relationship in this way.
Each of these men,
beautiful, dynamic men,
from my past are just that…
from my past.
They are not in my current nor in my future,
and even though I hold great love and gratitude for each of them for the lessons that we shared and what they awoke inside of me,
they all share one thing in common outside of believing that I am desirable.
And that is that they could not ever fully accept me.
Yes that highly desirable woman,
that goddess on her knees,
that siren in the bedroom,
that nurturing caring woman who loves her family dearly,
that coach, presenter, teacher who has passion without edge for her work,
that outspoken, take no shit,
got no f-cks left to give about how you view me desirable woman,
who loves to play, has a big heart,
struggles with her own insecurities and fears,
her own lack of worthiness and shame,
but does her damn work each and every day,
because that is the only thing that keeps her going strong.
Yes that desirable woman.
They could not really embrace.
They loved all those pieces,
they wanted me to hold them up,
to be all of me.
To shine as bright as the north star in the heavens.
And loved the light that cascaded down on them.
But they could not handle it. They feared it in truth.
That highly desirable woman.
well there was one great issue they had not conceived of yet,
that on their arm there I was.
Still highly desirable,
not just by them but by many.
and because my light attracted others,
this they feared.
so without understanding,
they all chose their own way to hide from the light,
or maybe better to dim the light as to make it not as attractive to all the competition.
And so the timeless story of boy meets girl,
boy falls in love with girl,
boy gets girl,
boy kills girl,
Not an actual physical death in my case,
but a killing of my radiance over time.
Through fear, shame, guilt, manipulation and falsities,
These men of my past have all fallen prey.
In their deep love and admiration of all that I am and can be,
they could not stand in the light and feel strong in the knowledge that others saw it too.
And so they ventured to take the star down from the heavens to keep it safe.
Not understanding that it was the death of the star or of the relationship with the star.
Now, some of these men would tell you that they fully accepted me, others would be more truthful and admit that it was too much for them,
they all would say that they had no desire to actually put out or even dim the light.
Because they loved that light and they all wanted me to be the best me that I could ever be.
They would tell you that it was not me that they did not fully accept, it was instead some of my ways, some of my beliefs, some of my desires or needs.
They would tell you that I triggered their past wounds.
They would tell you that I triggered their insecurity.
They would tell you that I was too outspoken, or out of the box in my relating.
They would tell you that it takes a lot to hang with me,
to breathe into some of the conversations that happen on a daily, moment to moment basis,
or that my flirty natural state of being was concerning.
They would tell you all of these things.
And they would say it was those things that caused the issues.
And I say what about those things are any different then the list above that you loved and desired so?
it is the triggers, the wounds, the fears and insecurities.
That is what is different.
And therefore these beautiful, lovely, dynamic men of my past simply could never accept me for their own inner saga of thoughts turning to emotions and leading down the path of needing me to “just not be so bright.”
Well at least not so bright for anyone but them.
Just shine on me.
because it was the competition,
the fear of losing the highly desirable woman that they had on their arm and in their bed that was actually the issue.
And since that was linked to me,
Well the solution was simple…
STOP BEING SO DAMN DESIRABLE.
Surely then they would feel safe.
They would be happy.
They could feel strong, stable and confident.
Just so long as I was not so desirable.
So wanted by others.
Change who you are babe,
but don’t change a thing.
Be you 100% babe,
just don’t make me feel insecure by being you.
Be confident, playful, sexy babe,
but only behind closed doors where others will not want for you.
I love the way you look babe,
But don’t look that way in public.
Yes these lovely men from my past,
love them I certainly do,
and so many men out there believe that they love their highly desirable woman fully as well,
but I ask you if that is true?
Can you feel strong and confident in her presence?
Can you feel strong and confident in the knowing that she is wanted by others but chooses you?
Can you feel your power more intensely by being with her,
or do you shake inside and feel the need to fight to keep all others at bay?
Does her beauty and intelligence scare you?
Her lack of need shakes fear to your core?
Does the fact that you cannot control her fluster and irritate?
These are the questions my love.
These you must answer truthfully,
for if you answer in accordance to keep her but it is not your truth,
you will only lose her all the quicker.
THE DESIRABLE IS OFTEN NOT ACCEPTED,
This is the reality of life.
we desire to alter to our wishes,
believing that we can hold it without question,
believing that we have what it takes,
and so we lie about our truth,
we fall prey to fear and triggers,
but we forget that the answer is always the same…
unconditional love and acceptance,
is the foundation to everything beautiful and long term.
It cannot be forced.
It can not be faked.
You either have it or you don’t and if you don’t it means that you need to go within and find it for yourself before you can ever proclaim it for another.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
*Photo Credit @DandeLionImages
WHY I DON’T DO BIRTH CONTROL HORMONES….
And WHY I don’t believe that any conscious woman should.
That sounds crazy right?
Birth control is a smart thing.
And science has created a way for us to take charge of if we have children or not. There are so many options in today’s world from a multitude of birth control pills, shots, films, sponges, rings, etc. etc.
Not only are we protected 99.9% from unwanted pregnancy but we also can have clearer skin, lighter periods even fewer periods and have certainty as to when our flow is. Something that can get altered when you are not on hormone based birth control.
Birth control puts the woman in a power position for sure.
But here is the thing…
Before you string me up to crucify me and say well Kendal, no wonder you have seven children, you don’t do birth control. I want to share a few scientific things with you after my intimacy share on my seven children.
You see many years ago, like 29 years ago I was fifteen years old.
I was a virgin. Never even been kissed. And I had regular periods that were always on time, I had clear skin because I have always been conscious of the food going in my body, my skin’s health and hydration. So no pimply faced girl here, even back then.
AND there were zero boys in my world.
But my mom, being a concerned mom for her little girl that was becoming a woman took me to the gyno and told me that I needed to get on birth control to….(ready for the silliness…)
Get my period regulated and help with my skin, limit my breakouts.
My argument was that I did not want chemicals in my body when there was no reason for them. And the reasons given made no sense for all that I already shared that my mom knew clearly.
But mom said, so I did.
But I started taking birth control pills regardless of the facts.
Of course not long thereafter a boy popped up in my world.
And after a year of dating we had sex.
Unprotected sex because I was on the pill, so we had nothing to worry about.
We had a ton of unprotected sex.
Because there was nothing to worry about.
And no one bothered to inform me of anything different.
Condoms were known of,
they were spoken of,
but no one made a big deal out of them,
it was all about the pill.
Time went on and the boy and I broke up.
I quickly ( like 3 months later, quickly) found myself in bed with a man, who would become my husband shortly thereafter. We moved quickly into sex, unprotected sex because we had nothing to worry about, I was on the pill.
Well life got crazy, and I missed a pill.
Not knowing that I was fertile myrtle, I ended up pregnant right off the bat from one missed pill.
Welcome to the world child #1.
After birthing her, I got back on the pill,
one month I developed a bladder infection and took medication for it that canceled out my birth control but the doctor did not warn me and I was young and undereducated, and so welcome child #2.
Then… then I got smart…
I decided to get this new thing called the Depo Shot…
and my marriage was unhappy as hell so I ended up cheating on my husband, well the Depo Shot had no clue how fertile I was, because somehow someway it did not work and welcome child #3.
I had no clue what had taken place and my doctor suggested that I go on this other new birth control pill because it was to be really good, AND it supposedly would not cause the weight gain, the mood changes or fatigue that I was getting from the Depo Shot…
and so I did.
Well life got stressful again,
and we moved residences, we fought horribly, we moved again, and somehow in the midst of the chaos I ended up pregnant again.
Welcome child #4.
I grew tired of all the keeping track of four children under 10 and the pill that had to be taken at the same time each day or it would fuck up, plus my moods were no better. I was feeling lost in myself.
So I went back to the Depo Shot, thinking that maybe after all these years it got better. At very least I only had to deal with it once every three months. In the midst of depression and despair I found myself on the Depo Shot, 30 pounds heavier then what I should be and pregnant yet again with child #5. The doctor could not understand how I could get pregnant two times on the depo shot without any medication interference, but it happened.
And THEN my husband had had enough….
He got clipped.
And I got off ALL hormone based birth control.
And you know what happened?
I found myself again.
The weight dropped off with ease.
My mind cleared.
My mood stabilized.
My periods were not as fierce and painful.
My immune system improved.
I felt so much better.
but now I had one massive issue.
Every time I had sex with my husband,
my body rejected the sex.
I would break out in a burning mess.
My pussy was pissed at the experience.
And I was not wanting anything to do with him.
I was unattracted, turned off and could not bring myself to even really be willing to go into any sexual experience with him.
At one point I even thought I might be allergic to his semen.
And so that thought led me down a path of discovery.
Turned out that we women can be allergic to a man’s semen.
Also turns out that hormone based birth control has a major impact on a woman’s immune system, and moods.
And do you want to know what the most astounding tidbit that I discovered was and is the MAIN REASON why I am sharing this post… the main reason why I do not take it and instead preach condoms… (outside of the sheer fact that the birth control pill does not protect against disease of any sort)…
“…contraceptive pill use alters mate preferences, women who had taken hormonal contraceptives while meeting their partner and later discontinued their usage (as many do when they wish to conceive) may feel disenchanted with their initial partner choice. Indeed, the use of hormonal contraceptives may not only affect initial partner choice but also have unintended consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction if contraceptive pill use subsequently changes. Prior studies have provided evidence for this hypothesis, indicating that women who had used hormonal contraceptives when they first met their partner and then ceased to take them experience lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction5 and are more likely to get divorced….” (Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., is a professor at the Baruch Ivcher School of Psychology, the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya. Psychology Today)
I believe that any conscious woman who wants to develop a truly loving and connected relationship with a man should be aware that if she is on a hormone based contraceptive that she is most likely not getting the right reading of the man.
It has been my discovery since the days of birth control and myself that my attraction is opposite to what it used to be.
After all we get into relationships not just for the purpose of starting up a family or getting a dad for our kids from our previous relationships. Typically we are looking for love and connection. We are wanting long term satisfaction, happiness and attraction to our mate. So why not create the most conscious space for it. A space where our body wisdom can be heard?
Of course that would also mean that we would have to be willing to want to hear it.
And even more importantly it would require all of us women who desire to be standing strong in our personal power to also be willing to speak our truth and ask for our needs to be met around sex and sexual practices more, instead of just spreading our legs and letting the men in our lives do as they want unconsciously.
It would require us to speak up about safe sex.
It would require us to value ourselves enough to not just ask but demand that protection be used,
and if we are truly not wanting to have any children to have the conversations with our partner(s) around this.
We are not taught as a people to have this sort of real, open relating. We are not taught as women that we can ask and even demand that our bodies be respected as we choose.
We are not warned of the possible and common complications that can impact our bodies as well as our desires and psyche from such things as contraceptives, but we are taught as women that it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that we take care of that fertility thing.
I for one wish my mother had never stolen this right from me. I wish that my body had been given the opportunity to fully mature without extra hormones and all the issues that it has been known to cause on an undeveloped female productive system. I wish that I had been better educated in my youth about sex and sexual health and rights. I wish that someone had been there to guide me better and give me the option as to what to do with my body and explain everything instead of pushing me down what was considered normal and healthy, responsible.
At the end of the day,
The most loving and responsible thing we can do for ourselves as women and for the men we choose to do relationships with is to come into that relationship as OURSELVES. Not altered by chemicals.
For the same reasons it is not a healthy practice to have sex drunk or under the influence of drugs,
we should not be having sex under the influence of hormones that are not of our own bodies design.
Perhaps we would find that more people would be happy in the relationship choices that they make.
Perhaps more people would not go through all the depression and lostness if they could be authentically themselves.
Perhaps more women would not be labeled “CRAZY” if they were not being bounced around by pharmaceuticals in the pursuit to make pregnancy all the woman’s responsibility and take away the responsibility of the men to be conscious of their bodies, their control and health.
Just random thoughts from a mother of three daughters of her own.
A woman who values her relationships with men, and wants to only get involved with those that are authentically “right” for me…
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Time to claim your truth is beautiful.
Time to say yes to valuing yourself, to loving yourself and knowing who you really are.
But in order to do this you have to desire to fall in love with the real you.
And if you are looking for love and success,
but wonder why it is always just out of grasp then maybe it’s really time for you to explore your truth.
From sexual health choices to learning your authentic yes and no,
you have never been told its okay to be YOU.
I am here to reveal to you that it is more than OKAY.
It is your duty to your happiness to do just that.
Reach out to me to discover options for coaching today.
WOMEN WHO ARE BAD IN BED SHOW SIMILAR SIGNS.
Sex is fucking fun to me.
If with the right person that is.
I can be really fun and adventurous in bed and I can be boring as well.
It really depends on how into the person I am,
if I am caught up in my head,
if I can trust the person I am having sex with and to what level,
if I feel like they can handle all aspects of me.
and of course the chemistry, the connection, that energetic spark.
If it is there then I am more than likely going to be far more “fun” than if I am trying to create a spark that is not really there for whatever reason,
like seeing how great a guy is or how awesome a catch he is but not having that natural primal spark.
When I have all the stars aligned,
and am with someone then it’s certainly adventurous and playful,
There is communication happening from body to voice and desires are shared and asked for.
Which I have found not a ton of men expereince in sex with women.
I have been told repeatedly by just a few hands full of men,
lol… we are not getting into my body count today.
That I make sex extra enjoyable.
That my partner can feel me fully with them.
So I decided to start to inquire with my current and past lovers about this topic to get a greater depth,
wanting to know what it is about my sexing and relating style that keeps guys hooked for decades and knocking at my door to see if I am open to more with them. What has landed me with many men wanting to commit so eagerly?
Here is what I came up with:
WHEN I AM INTO A MAN I TURN UP MY KISSING –
I have been told that I am a bad kisser by a few guys over the years, or meh kisser, nothing special and I have been told that I made a guy cum just from a kiss and left mystery and desire with a kiss. The difference that I have figured out is my openness to the man and my attraction to him, my desire for him. If I am not feeling it then I am a shitty kisser, and if I am feeling it then get ready for mind blowing. I believe that this is true for many people of both sexes however. Then there are the people who are just crappy kissers in general, they have no rhythm, they show no passion, they do not know how to get fully engaged in a kiss. An old lover/friend of mine who is from the UK always has told me that I understand snogging, (kissing with intent). I believe that this is a key secret to mind blowing kissing, can you make your partner feel as though you are ravishing them in bed just by kissing them? Women who suck in bed cannot.
I LET MY LOVER KNOW WHAT I WANT IN BED NON-VERBALLY PRETTY GOOD… AND IF HE DOES NOT GET IT I SPEAK IT!
When I have good or great chemistry with someone then our non-verbal communication is on point. I have learned and have pretty much always been that woman who is not afraid to take a man’s hand or cock and put them right where I want, let alone wrap myself however feels best to me and grind how I desire. Recently an old lover/friend of mine said to me, “You know you are a switch.” For those of you who are not familiar with this term it means that I switch from dominant to submissive in sex. And yes I am just that. I love a good power play in bed. It also requires one to have pretty good non-vevrbal communication skills and a sense of playfulness and confidence.
Women who are bad in bed have trouble communicating verbally and nonverbally. They fumble and feel insecure, often presenting a rag doll or limp noodle version of themselves because they are uncertain as to how or what to do. Women who cannot communicate non-verbally in bed are not good at increasing sexual tension through their eye contact, body language, breathing and actions. I have found that non-verbal communication in bed is a great sign as to how good chemistry and energetic connection is with a partner. One of my longest sexual relationships would always share with me that he loved how our bodies engaged and I always moved with him in perfect rhythm.
I AM EXTREMELY VERBAL ABOUT MY SEXING AND DESIRES, PAST, PRESENT AND WANTING FOR THE FUTURE.
I read awhile back about a study done about women who could not talk about sex opennly and how that related to their sexual confidence. It was stated that open relating about sex showed a persons comfort with their sexuality and desires. Which would also lead to a sign that someone is more likely to be fun and tuned into sex better. I have heard from many men over the course of the years how they wish women would share more about what they want, need and desire sexually and how so many women shut down around actual communication or questioning. Funny how us ladies will talk to our girl friends about what is happening in the bedroom but we won’t talk to the people we are actually having sex with in such candid fashion. Women who talk about sex are more confident in bed. Not to mention sex is just better if you can get a little vocal and not freak the fuck out about someone hearing you or what anyone thinks.
I LOVE BEING NAKED AS WELL AS CLOTHED.
Sexual confidence can be seen outside of the bedroom and it is not just about nudity, however it certainly can show up here most because women in general have a massive amount of body images. Self included. But can you let go of the insecurities that you have and surrender to the moment. Can you learn to truly love yourself no matter your imperfections. A woman who shows signs of insecurity in other areas of her life will more than likely have insecurities in the bedroom. If she is struggling with money, health, body, feeling worthy or lovable, then you will see this come out in her sexing as well. She will struggle to drop down and be able to connect at any real level. Your sexing will feel shallow with her, making for a poor lover.
I LOVE AN ADVENTURE.
Adventurous women are sexually fun women I believe and so I have been told by men. Just the other day a man looked at me and said, ” You are one of those fun women.” This was said after we had shared a deeply profound and passion driven few hours together without any sex. When we are open to experimenting, to play and adventure in our lives we are more likely to explore in the bedroom as well. Having sex in the same manor all the time, getting into the same routine or not being open to oral sex, exploration of any sort shows a person who is boring in bed. Women are more known to shut this arena down then men, making for a dimmer sex life.
SEX IS ABOUT HUMOR AS WELL AS PASSION.
I laugh a lot in sex. I laugh about the very human things that can take place such as queefing, passing gas, burping, sweating and accidents that cause things to break like your bed or a lamp. When I have had a few orgasms I get a real high and laughter rolls from me easily in my sex, I giggle like a school girl as I am cumming sometimes and may throw myself into a sneezing fit, I have been known to cough or sneeze my partner right out of my body as well as squirt so much female ejaculate that the whole bed had to be replaced ( that happened for reals in Mexico one time). Sex is messy. There is no space for OCD, there is no space for fear of being human, and there is no space in good sex for insecurities around sex related humor. I am very serious when I say if your woman is playful then you are more than likely going to have fun in bed, if she is overly caught up in fear of being seen or making a mistake then you will most likely not be happy in bed with her.
A woman who is passionate about life will be more likely to show passion in bed as well.
If your woman is lost in life and uncertain about who she is or her life purpose, then she will show this in bed too and be uncertain and cautious with her passion. She may even not be able to feel passion in sex as it is such a foregin things for her.
WHAT YOU EAT YOUR PARTNER CONSUMES TOO.
Diet and exercise. OMFG! Don’t get me started. This is vitally important and I cannot image sex with a woman who does not take care of her diet and exercise being very pleasent let a lone good. To put it simply, why would you ever expect your man to desire you sexually if your pH is all sorts of out of whack, making your vaginal juices and body odor to breath nasty. What we eat plays such a big role in our sex and as I just recenlt told one man, ” Clean eating is sexy.” Our diets say a lot about our overall health, emotional and mental as well and physical. Eating healthy helps to stabilize hormones and guarantees a healthy gut which is where 80% of our immune system comes from. Eating shit foods causes yeast infections, bacterial infections and more. Not fun for sexing for sure. And exercise provides us with the ability to have better stamina and flexibility, so that we can comfortably maintain a playful moment with our partner.
Women who disregaurd their health for whatever reason are uncaring of their sex as well.
An older lover of mine would often say to me that I had a pampered pussy. When I asked what he meant by this he shared that he loved going down on me because he knew how I pampered her with my diet choices, hygiene and exercise for my whole body as well as my vaginal exercises that I consistently do. He made it clear that he loved what he was enjoying and he shared it was not normal.
I have heard from many men over the years that they are fearful of going down on a woman because of hygiene and bodily smells and tastes. This applies to men as well, no fun for us ladies if you guys are not conscientious. Clean eating is fucking sexy!
Okay, so there is my little share from what I have learned from current and past lovers.
Everything shared here pertains to men as well.
A man who is good in bed will be aware of these things as well.
Where a man who is not good in his sexing and does not have the consciousness to be aware of these things will prove to have all the same challenges that a woman does who sucks in bed.
Making your sex life gourmet has more to do with your confidence, ability to find humor in life and let things go, play and explore, be adventourous and knowi yourself as well as a desire to take care of yourself and communicate then it does with what you choose to wear, what your body figure is actually like, your age or how great you deem your physical skills.
A great lover knows that CONNECTION is primary,
COMMUNICATION is secondary,
and KNOWING YOURSELF AND LOVING YOURSELF is key.
How do you rate your sex?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
October Asskickery Month is almost upon us.
Are you wanting to make some changes in your life, love or sex?
Want to take action but do not know where to start?
Need a swift kick to get what you want?
Reach out to me about this global opportunity to have that F-ck Yes Life that you are wanting for now.
LOVE SHOULD BE PERFECT.
And yet it never is.
A long time ago when I was living in Seattle, Washington I was attending a church in Kent with a pastor that I adored. I learned so much from Pastor Jack. He was focused on teaching the congregation about blessings, about our glory and how that translated into the law of attraction.
I still make use of his teachings today with my clients almost daily and in my shares here with you as well.
Among my favorite things he shared were,
“More than enough with plenty left over.”
Which always commanded in the belief and feeling that we are always provided for,
that we always have more than enough in the things that we need with plenty left to share.
And that the leftovers are there for us to do just that …..SHARE.
And then his other reminder of truth that I have kept in my heart and mind all these years was focused toward relationships….
The relationship of marriage.
And in today’s world,
which even though greatly different than that of just 15 years ago when Pastor Jack was preaching his wisdom to me,
is still all the same.
His words of truth were simple.
“Marry your best friend.”
Those words made me look at my marriage,
and perhaps were words that supported me to divorce a few years later. Although back then I would have felt the need to confirm that I was best friends with my then husband,
the reality was not that we were best friends.
We got along on a ton of items,
but I found that I had to restrict myself in so many ways,
and that was not friendship,
and certainly not best friends.
When I am working with couples today in my coaching practice many come to me troubled and on the cusp of a breaking up because of so many things…
*Not enough sex or bad sex.
*Abuse of one kind or another.
*Lack of sexual desire.
And most couples will start off their tale by telling me that they are best friends with their spouse,
that they can tell them anything,
that they have fantastic communication.
fill in the blank from above list here.
They believe that if they had more sex/better sex or a stronger desire for their partner,
if they were physically attracted more to them,
if they had more money in the bank,
or what have you that their marriage would be perfect.
Now the reality is that if you are in an abusive relationship ( no matter what that looks like) that chances are you need to get out of it because an abusive partner often does not see their wrong and change,
if you are in a relationship that has suffered from infidelity,
There can be work done and you can repair it and even come back stronger than ever before if love and communication/friendship is at the front stage of both parties minds.
The desire for more sex, better sex or having more desire for your partner… .these things can be detrimental if the friendship and love are not there first and if both parties are not open to raw, real discussions based in truth and love to work on these challeneges,
but if both parties are wanting the connection and can be emotionally mature to take responsibility for self and speak their truth and work together on these items,
then you can have a deeply strong bond and the sex and desire can grow from it.
The relationships that come to me wanting these things,
often have one MAJOR obstacle however…
One partner is stubborn and refuses to see the truth.
Refuses to take the matter seriously or take the time and effort required to build this part of the relationship. They don’t believe that it is their problem and that the other partner is to blame for it and needs the fixing.
However that is never the case.
Relationships are always a two way street.
It always requires both people to want to connect and come together. It requires both parties to take responsibility for themselves and to not get caught up in their old wounds from the past.
Unfortunately, this is where the relationship breaks down.
People often don’t want to do this.
They want the easy street and they say,
“Love should be easy.”
“Love should be perfect.”
We are all human.
And there is no such thing as the perfect human.
If you have a list of fifty qualities that you want and count highly important in a mate,
and you believe that you will get ALL of these qualities in one person and until you get them all that you will not settle,
I ask you to look in the mirror and ask of yourself if you exhibit all fifty of them yourself?
You are never going to find someone who is 100% of those qualities a hundred percent of the time.
They are human.
You are human.
And life changes and transforms us.
Some qualities can be developed over time.
Some are just there and a natural part of who we are,
some are based on energetic connections,
while others have everything to do with our gene pool.
If you are counting any of these qualities as love though,
you are mistaken.
Qualities do not define love.
They add to love.
They sweeten the pot.
Love is something that you cannot explain,
nor does it need to be explained.
It just is.
And when it is felt on both sides now you have something special.
LOVE COMES FROM BEING ABLE TO BE YOURSELF WITH SOMEONE ELSE, UNMASKED.
When we can do this with someone,
we feel acceptance and love for self and it translates to “loving someone else” because we see the reflection of what we are feeling for self as what we see coming or going toward another.
When we “fall in love” or catch feels for someone,
what is actually happening is that we are witnessing ourselves in love. We are falling in love with self and this other person is simply helping us see our own beauty.
That is why the best friend statement is so powerful.
In friendship there is an acceptance, an unconditional love.
It goes past all that life can change for us,
like our physical bodies appearance,
our health or financial status,
it looks past our ups and downs and even past the chemical connectors that we have on the front side of a romantic relationship that over the course of three to five years diminish and change.
But for some reason, we humans believe that love should be perfect.
That these connecting chemicals should ALWAYS be there,
that the energy and excitement of the first kiss is the way that we will remain throughout all of time,
that the person who is standing before us perfect in their skin of today will never change,
that the feelings that we are having will just remain unwavering.
Or that if we do not have all these sudden rushes of ignition but that we do deeply care and connect in all other ways that this is not or cannot be real love.
That it is “ONLY FRIENDSHIP” and we in turn lower it to that level and get frustrated that we cannot find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect that checks all of our boxes on our list of fifty all of the time.
And so we remain living in search of something that has been offered to us repeatedly. Believing that if we explore,
if we open ourselves to the love that is there before us and go as deep as we can with it that we are settling,
we are giving up,
that if they don’t have everything that they are not Mr. or Mrs. Perfect and instead are a waste of our precious time.
What we are doing to ourselves in this is denying ourselves the beauty of discovery of love.
Love is a quest of self.
Love is about finding out who we really are through our relating with another.
It is about meeting all aspects of self,
and without relationship we will never meet our authentic selves at any depth.
When we continue to look for perfection in a mate,
What we are actually saying is that we ourselves are not worthy of our own love until we become PERFECT as well.
So how will you ever find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect if you prevent yourself from growing into your whole beautiful self by denying love to be birthed through a relationship with another imperfect human who is there as your teacher of self love?
Chances are your relationship with anyone will not last in a forever sense.
That reality although harsh is still a reality.
We outgrow each other,
and as we change sometimes our mates choose a path of slower or limited growth that creates a breaking point in the relationship,
but if we have come together in friendship and love,
then even the parting is done in the same fashion.
And we each can gain what we need for our own development.
It’s time that we start to view relationships and even marriage as the opportunity to explore self and learn to love deeply through the witnessing of another that rivets us deeper into our truth.
Love is always perfect.
It is always perfect for the moment that the relationship is in.
It is never easy,
but it can always be in flow with who we are.
We create our own obstacles to feeling it by trying to make it perfect in every moment and getting irritated with the reality that love, true love requires each party to grow in connection with self first.
Where does your love stand?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how self-love helps create the grounds to call in your soulmate love today? Reach out to me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching now.