How Eating Pussy After You Cum Builds Intimacy.

He came hard and strong.
He came deep and long.
He vibrated my whole body with his orgasm and carried me deeper into my own.
My pussy twitched, squeezed and swallowed him up with her orgasmic sucking of his cum.
My heart raced,
as he pushed deeper,
pressing up against my cervix,
opening her,
quivers, convulsions, followed by moans.
The wetness intensified,
and he softened.
Still stroking,
allowing me to ride my own orgasmic wave,
as his cock relaxed within my warm embrace.
Together we breathe deep.
Hearts racing.
We kiss.
Without notice he moves in hast downward,
devouring me with his mouth.
Spreading open my legs,
his lips,
his tongue,
sucking, kissing and enjoying the cocktail of our juices together that flow from my flesh.
My pussy ignites at the comfort that he enjoys this with.
Teasing my clit,
nursing softly on her even,
as he penetrates my pussy with his fingers and licks her soft lips.
For a moment, my mind wonders,
panics even,
in fear that he will not be okay with our blended juices,
and will step away from me, leave me here on the verge of vulnerability.
Here where my body is opening and craving more.
But then I find myself in gratitude,
in love even with his confidence,
his comfort in himself,
as a man,
in our sex,
and with my body.
He does not stray away from the moment,
but instead hungers toward it.
His strength in his own acceptance is powerful,
is beautiful and refreshing.
He heals my soul and my sex at a deeper level in this moment without even realizing it.
The lesson he shares with me is to love yourself.
Accept yourself.
And with this acceptance of self,
others too will embrace and accept you at a deeper level.

Yes.
Yes.
Here is what we crave as humans.
Here is what we all want.
Acceptance.
Connection.
To be able to be raw, real and ourselves.
And to be embraced this way.

But how do we truly achieve acceptance in life,
with other human beings?
With our lovers?

We do it by accepting ourselves.
We do it by embracing ourselves.
We do it by being real and raw with who we are.
And learning to love our flaws,
our humanness.
We do it by being turned on to connection.

I hear from many people,
“I want depth in a realtionship.”
” I don’t want sex to just be friction. I want to be felt, seen and to really feel and see my partner”
” I want to feel love and connection.”
” I just wish I could be accepted for who I am.”

You will never have these things.
IF – You are not first accepting yourself.
and
IF – you are not truly turned on to connection.

What do I mean by turned on to connection?
Turned on to connection means that you need to actually appreciate, accept and even enjoy other human beings.
You need to WANT to connect.
Not just say that you want it and then turn around and bitch about it.
Or claim that you hate people.
If you hate people,
then how do you ever expect to have any of the above things?
If you hate people, then you more than likely are highly judgmental of people and thus of yourself,
which leads us back to self acceptance.

And if you cannot accept yourself fully,
then you will never be able to accept another.

Which will leave a feeling with others that you are judging them.
Because you are.

In our sex,
we are most critical,
judgmental,
and fearful of our humanness.
We fear that which we desire the most.
because it shows our humanness.
Our flaws.

My share above about an experience with a lover is one that I bring up because I have experienced the direct opposite as well.

Years ago, I had a lover that turned me on in so many amazing ways,
his scent,
his flavor,
his kiss,
his smile,
his voice,
his personality,
his body.

All were yummie as f-ck.
I could devour the man for hours if he would let me.
But then would come the moment where I might take him in my mouth and enjoy giving him pleasure. Afterward, my desire to be snuggled and kissed were high and I would lean into these, he on the reverse side would lean away.

Avoiding the post blow job kiss.
Avoiding the post sex snuggle.
Even if he had not cum in my mouth he was challenged by the fact that his cock had been there and would no longer deeply kiss me.
In our sex, after he came, he would retract himself quickly from my body,
he would never venture downward to make sure that I was fulfilled,
and he would want to shower afterward.

Any one of these things, let alone all of them together revealed a deep intimacy issue and acceptance issue.

Not with me primarily, although that was the side effect.
But with himself.

Never allowing him to fully embrace the beauty and turn on of what our relationship could have been and offered.

The end result was a break up.
And why?
Because his disconnect to himself created a space that left me feeling it was not safe to surrender to him,
that he found me nasty in some fashion,
and that our sex was not about connection or love,
not even healthy play and f-ck buddies,
but that I was just a masturbation toy to him,
a piece of meat,
that he used and then was disgusted by.

I felt like I was far from accepted.
I felt disgusting.

Yet, with other lovers like the one above,
where he embraced us both,
remained turned on throughout our whole experience,
and accepted us both in all our humanness,
left me feeling beautiful,
turned on,
wanting him more,
and open.

Here is intimacy.
Here is authenticity.
Here is love,
first with self, then with another.

And the ONLY way to have it….
Acceptance of self.

No matter what you may be desiring in life,
the first step toward it is based in this truth.
If we can not accept who we are,
then we do not really know ourselves either.
Therefore, we cannot move forward in soul alignment.
And we will not achieve our desired life.
Have our desired relationships.
Or enjoy the F-ck YES! Life that we crave at our core.

Take this moment to STOP and appreciate yourself.
Look in a mirror,
really look,
deep into your own eye’s,
tell yourself that you love yourself.
Notice where your self- criticisms come up, ‘where you harbor pain, anger, frustration about yourself,
and just lean into it with love.

Embrace yourself fully and life will embrace you.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

The only question any morning is…

One of those mornings where it’s to freaking’ cold to get out of bed.

Where I just find myself not wanting to even venture to the bathroom to pee.

Brrrrrrr….

Talked Levi my 12 year old son into going downstairs and making mom coffee.
Such a sweet boy.
He made it, brought it up to bed side and kissed my forehead as he asked if he could snuggle after school with me some and then left to make it to class on time.

Yes it is one of those mornings.

It is one of those mornings, where I feel hormonal, tired and non-productive. My lower back is aching and my ovaries are screaming at me.

I can feel my energy drained even though I have not even started my day yet.

I can feel my temperament a little off as well.
I am sensitive.

Yes it is one of those mornings.

It is one of those mornings, where I lay here focusing in on my gratitude’s in life, on the blessings and the joys. I snuggle under my covers and think of all the beauty God has given me. The opportunity and the love.

I am grateful.
Yes it one of those mornings.

It is one of those mornings where my Our Family Wizard buzzes and I see that my baby daddy has messaged me bright and early, thinking our son is still ill like yesterday, I open the message to see what’s up and discover that I have a boundary being pushed on. That his desire is to control my world and dictate my day to me despite what I have already shared. My ego flares and my heart aches. Fear rises up inside of me as I feel suddenly overwhelmed and lost in life.

Yes it is one of those mornings.

Brrrrr….

It is a day of turning inward.
It is a day of standing up.
It is a day of honoring my body.
It is a day to remain present.

Like every day.
It is a day in life.

And the truth behind today,
is nothing greater than the truth of yesterday or a day last week or last year.

It is just a day.

Perhaps you have noticed that in life we are always offered many options as to how our day will unfold.
Thus how our week,
our month,
our year
and our lives,
will unfold.

It comes down to the thoughts we choose to attach too.
It comes down to the games we decide to enter into with our ego’s.
It comes down to what we choose to focus on.

This is what makes all the difference.

I am often asked, ” But how do I stop thinking about this or that? It’s so bad, so stressful. It worries me. I am fearful of it.I cannot just not think about it.”

No you may not be able to stop the thoughts from coming through.
You may still feel the concern, the worry, the fear.
But here is the truth,
YOU and ONLY YOU make the choice to focus on it or not.
You are the one who chooses to attach to that thought, to that emotion and allow it to guide and even control your actions, your future thoughts, your future feelings and your life.

If you want to live a Freedom Based Life,
If you want to wake up every morning and feel in charge and in harmony with life,
In flow with your life and purpose.
And most importantly in love with who you are and where you are.

Then you must let go of the need to attach to these unsupportive thoughts.

You must let go of the idea that you are a victim to the thoughts.

Or a victim to anything.
You must let go of the idea that someone else or something outside of yourself has any control of how you choose to show in life,
to feel,
to think.

If you want a F-ck Yes Life!

And baby you deserve this.
Then you HAVE to LET GO!
You have to KNOW that the only thing you can ever do,
is stay present and do everything within your power to focus on what makes you feel good.

This is your ONLY work.

So yes….

It is one of those mornings.
It is a morning of snuggles,
a morning of sweet gestures,
a morning of love and kindness,

It is a morning of hormones,
of back aches and fatigue,
a morning of frustration,
of ego trying grab hold,

It is a morning of gratitude.
It is a morning of power.
It is a morning of self-love and acceptance.

It is a morning where once again the opportunity to Claim the life we want is at our bedside.

The only thing to decide this morning is,
Am I F-ck YES or a F-ck NO.

Will You Embrace Your Power and Claim Your Freedom Based Life?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me for 5 Intensive Weeks in a LIVE Global Facebook Workshop Starting October 22nd, 2018. Where I show you how to Embrace Your Power and Claim Your Life. Learn how a single mom of seven developed the skills to go from fear and scarcity, making $17k a year to abundance and joy making a multi-six figure income a year.

I will be sharing mind shift strategies that I have adapted through the years to manifest the Freedom Based Life that I now live today.

Limited Workshop Spot’s due to the 1+1 Private Focus Sessions that come with this workshop.
Grab Your seat now for

Embrace Your Power – Claim Your Life
“5 Step’s to a Freedom Based Life”

The Art of Kissing by Samantha S.

kiss2Who doesn’t love kissing if it’s done right?   The feeling of someone else’s lips on yours or even your neck, or ear. A kiss can be interrogative, dirty, or loving. It can be placed anywhere on the body, can be seconds long or even minutes. It’s one of the universal acts of love, almost everyone does it!

No other act is so simple and so intimate. The light suction, flick of the lip, playful nibble, deep advance and the retreat of the tongue. A good kiss is a rapport enacted physically, like sex, but more erotic.

I was with a very close friend one night walking along a trail talking about the usual drama and everyday life. As we walked along out of nowhere he grabs me and starts to kiss me. I went into shock but didn’t know what exactly I should do, so I went with it. As this happened all I was thinking in my head was how horrible it was, I was imaging this dog licking my face and trying to shove his tongue down my throat. Once it was over I wiped my mouth off and couldn’t help but be straight forward with him and tell him he needs to learn how to kiss right, before he goes after anyone else.

He looked at me with wide eyes, shocked that I had the guts to say anything like that to him. “Well if you’re so wise and knowing, teach me”, he said. So I took him up on the challenge and did, or attempted to anyway. After explaining how you don’t need so much tongue and different things, he seemed to be understanding, somewhat.

Fact: did you know that you use 29 facial muscles when you kiss?

He acted fascinated in what I was saying and trying to show him. After explaining it all, I told him to try it again. He had the tendency of tilting his head to the left which is very odd, since 2/3 of people tilt their heads to the right when they kiss. He closed his eyes which 66% of people do. It was a lot better, not as much tongue. Although when he tried the play nibbling it was too much. Lips are 100 times more sensitive than fingertips.  Once it was over we said our goodbyes and he attempted it once again, this time it was way better as though he listened to what I had to say.

So now that I have told you my little story here are some cool facts about kissing!

kiss1

–          Making out can be healthy for you. Kissing for 1 minute burns 26 calories, so enjoy your dessert just make up for it later.

–          Kissing releases chemicals that reduce stress hormones.

–          Its nature’s natural cleansing process.

–          It’s also very good for your teeth.

–          Kissing can increase your life expectancy.

–          French kissing involves all 34 muscles in the face.

–          90% of people kiss.

–          The average woman kisses 80 men before she gets married.

–          On average, a person will spend 2 weeks kissing in their lifetime. That is 20,160 minutes.

–          It is possible for women to reach an orgasm through kissing.

–          Many men are more particular about which woman they kissed than who they went to bed with.

–          Kissing is a way of bonding.

4 Types of Kissing men love!

  1. The lip-sucking kiss: This kiss involves gently tugging your partner’s upper or lower lip.
  2. The mid-sex kiss: It’s just what it sounds like, your making love and kissing at the same time.
  3. The simple kiss: It’s nothing fancy just a quick smooch on the lips, cheek, anywhere.
  4. The tongue kiss: Slipping your tongue inside the other person’s mouth.

So like I said, who doesn’t like kissing if it’s done right? It can be one of the most intimate, sensual, and just plain fun things to do. Remember the cardinal rule of kissing, it’s a conversation.

Samantha S.

 

If you want to change the world love a man…

If you want to change the world love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
And burn his heavy load in your fires
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time

Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smoldering in the center of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream

If you want to love a man, love yourself, love your father
Love your brother, your son, your ex-partner; from the first boy you kissed,
To the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unraveling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together
~Anonymous~

Female Bodies are Sexual Pleasure Machines

The human body is a sexual pleasure machine, and the female body even more so than the male. That may seem surprising if your concept of someone’s ‘level of sexuality’ is determined by their ‘level of libido’. We’re rather too libido-oriented in this society. The general belief is that sex is a response to feeling horny. Along with that belief comes the implicit assumption that the hornier you feel, the better sex will be.
Since women have bought into this model and believe that they should be horny before they have sex, given that women’s sexuality isn’t the ‘gagging-for-it’ type: they tend to give up, they don’t do what it takes to get in the mood, generally thinking that there’s something wrong with them (if they’ve got low self-esteem) or claiming they’re ‘normal’, declaring that ‘women don’t like sex’ and their parter is ‘sex-crazed’ (if they’re more assertive).

It’s true that women tend to have libidos like men. Women’s sexuality is not hormonally driven, it’s contextual. It depends so much on how a woman is feeling and what’s going on for, that determnes if she’s open and receptive to sex, not necessarily ‘horny’.
Once a women allows herself to get into the mood, and approaches sex in a more female-friendly way (ie not trying to be like a man) – wow, the places she can go! Because when it comes to the response side of sex (as opposed to the desire side) – well, women are far more superior then men!
Women can have orgasms that are more intense, more frequent and last longer than men’s. On top of the standard clitoral orgasm, which is similar in physiology and feel to the male ejaculatory orgasm, women can have orgasms through vaginal stimulation, g-spot (actually the urethral sponge) stimulation, AFE-spot stimulation, cervical stimulation, anal stimulation, nipple stimulation, in fact, from virtually any part of their body, and even without physical touch (either by being in the presence of a man who’s very present in his masculinity, or by bringing yourself to orgasm through breath and visualisation). Women can have multiple orgasms, wet orgasms (more commonly known by the dreadful male-centric term: female ejaculation), full body orgasms, and can stay in ecstatic states of arousal for very long periods of time.
Unfortuantely, most people don’t even realise what women’s sexual potential is. After a few decades of wondering why women are so sexual dysfunctional because they don’t function sexually like men, Western scientific research is only now starting to acknowledge that women’s sexuality is different. But it’s still way off realising just how wonderfully different women’s sexuality is.
Fortunately some people (like me!) are exploring beyond the boring limits of conventional models of sex in the West, taking on board the wisdom of older sexual traditions, such as the Tantric and Taoist, and doing a lot of personal research: I know all this is possible because I experience it.
When women realise it’s possible, they can start to experience it. When women have sexual responses like this, when they go to heaven, they take their man their with them. There is nothing a man likes more than to give his women this level of sexual pleasure. It satisfies him to his very core. It makes him feel like a Real Man. He may not be able to experience the level of feeling that she can, but he can feel fantastic for getting her there.
Female sexual response is extraordinary. It takes a while to get there, but like all good things, it takes time. The more time and attention you pay to something, generally the better the outcome.
Throw away the limiting beliefs, expand your possibilities to so much more – open yourself up to your glorious potential!

Original Posting On The Tantra Fusion Blog

Performance Anxiety vs. Presence

I’m worried about getting and maintaining my erections…

 By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator

I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.

Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection.  It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman.   That’s not reality.  Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.

 

It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes along with it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it.  Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.

In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.

Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!

There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.

Tantria teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body…  How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…

How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you…  creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you.  It’s incredibly satisfying!  And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.

Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.

Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.

Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California.  She travels the world teaching Tantra.  You can read more about her at www.maresimone.com.

Article Originally Posted on Source Tantra Blog

The Marriage

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly, I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore.

Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Circumsizing the Heart

Recently I experienced truly being made love to. A deep penetration and opening into a transformative healing bliss.  It has been years since I felt anything remotely close to this event and if I am completely honest with myself I believe that I perhaps have never been touched so deeply by such pureness before.

I read once in a David Deida book (uncertain which one) that a woman will stay in love with a man even though they are no longer physically together until another man can penetrate her deeper with his love then the prior. Deida is NOT referring to the size of a man’s cock here; he is referring to the ability to open a woman into love. Sometimes a man will use all his tools to do this but the most important one is his heart.  Connecting heart chakra to heart chakra he breathes’s into his woman. Causing her to be breathless and surrender into something deeper than a physical connection. Sex is not always needed for this depth of loving. Matter a fact, as I am about to share my tale with you, the connection and trust building, unconditional loving that happens without the sexual union is profound and very Tantric.

“Being of curious nature and having my soul cry out for me to follow my heart and explore what I already knew was there but was having trouble logically explaining I decided to be daring and have lunch with a young man who had captivated me from the first time we met. This was not our first lunch. It was obvious that we had shared feelings toward each other; yet I am curious with caution. We ate, we enjoyed conversation, we looked into each other’s eyes and we laughed at each other’s silliness and imperfect joke telling skills. Nerves a wreck for both parties. As the time went by the sexual energy heated up between us without physical connection or words to help guide it. It just was there. Not long later, I found myself feeling alive; it was an incredible energetic vibration of life force that took over my whole being, stronger than any energy that I experience in my session work even. There I lay, on my back, breathless from his kisses. Wanting him to take me, wanting to be fucked wide open by this man. Wanting him to heal my wounds with his love. To penetrate me in ALL ways. And scared out of my mind of what that could mean. Each kiss brought with it more depth, more connection. His hands on my face, in my hair, touching my neck. His body leaning on mine as he braced himself over me. I could feel all of him wanting to be with me physically. His arousal at that level was only elevating my own.

Time seemed to stop. The world and all that it would have us long to achieve no longer mattered. As he pressed himself into me withhis heart chakra I felt myself.  I have been birthing myself for some time now, but in this moment with his presence and ability to hold space and give powerful love I truly discovered a deep abiding love. It has always been in there, it is there for each of us. As the tears swelled in my eyes, and gently slid down my cheeks I could feel soft rain drops from his eyes cascading down on me as well. I opened my eyes to look into his. A smile on his face, his chest hot from the energy passing between us. I could feel the protective shields of my heart being circumcised and my nakedness of soul as Rumi would poetically title it being revealed. Was I revealing myself in total vulnerability to him in this moment? Yes. But more importantly I was seeing myself for the first time in a long while. There we were two physically separate beings yet I felt as though I had remembered and returned home to the deep being that I already was. I was united with this man, with the world and all her peoples. It was unity of soul. Each beat of my heart stripping away the clothes of my stories.

The pain in my chest was almost unbearable in this moment. I could feel my heart literally bursting in the light of love. I could feel him connected and his heart reacting similar. My chest soft, my lips slightly open. This bliss, this pain of circumcision that was healing, cleansing my core being was divine. It was pure and it was unconditional loving. Our souls seeing themselves in another and entwining in this dance, loving us wide open if we were willing to allow it.”

The depth of intensity and love found between us in this moment exceeded what our world is taught to believe love is. The physical act of sexing was not needed.  We were experiencing oneness, a deep caring and seeing ourselves within each other. Through this reunification of ours souls we each sailed in new waters,
discovering that the waves of love we felt toward each other were always
harbored within ourselves.  The truth of this love was revealed in this moment because we could each step outside of our selfish natures of ego and love penetratingly without the need for sexual release.

99.9% of our world believes that they are in love when in fact they are in desperate need. This is because we have been lead to believe that love is all about us and our needs. When in fact need is the exact opposite of actual true love. They could not contradict each other anymore. When we try and fulfill our own needs instead of find love we search for love in all the wrong places, find ourselves attracted to all the wrong people, unhappy and unfulfilled within our relationships. Our hunt to satisfy our needs masked by the beautiful thought of love causes our destruction; it is the root to divorce and break ups; pain and anger.

According to the ancient spiritual technology of Kabbalah the mystery of love can be broken down within the word itself: LOVE

How?

Let’s look at the numbers. A.K.A  Numerology. Now I know that many of my
readers may not even believe in such a supposed hocus pocus thing as
numerology, but please just humor me here.

Have you ever taken a sip of distilled water? Distilled water is free of all impurities.  A process called distillation, which involves boiling the liquid and letting the steam condense into water again, filters out all contaminants. The end result is untainted, undeniably thirst-quenching H20.

This is the same as numerology. Through the process we can distill words down to their purest meanings.  Numerology teaches us that every word has a numeric value associated with it, based on the letters it contains. This value enables us to grasp and understand the inherent meaning of the word.

When we as humans try to define love, we do so through the lens of personal experience. The benefit of numerology is that it leaves nothing to interpretation.

In the ancient language of Aramaic, a pure and original root language the word love has the numerical value of thirteen. The word ONE has the same numerical value as well as the word CARE. Let’s look at these three words and what their essential bond is. “When we experience oneness – when we truly care for another as we care for ourselves – this is love.” (Kabbalah on love by Yehuda Berg) In order to do this we have to be willing to open ourselves. This means to become vulnerable and seen. We more importantly have to be willing to see the mirror image of our soul in another. This is the breaking down of the labeling of separateness that we have been programmed to see. The love we each hope and search for has never been anywhere outside of ourselves, but the way we can experience this great love of self is revealed in the mirror while we lay in the arms of our lover.

As we soul gaze and take in the light reflections in their eyes we see the twinkle of our light flashing back at us. Each time we place our hand on their chest and breathe deeply, feeling their heart beats and flesh we are actually feeling our own. We may each carry a heart in a physical form but we come to realize that we are not the sole owners of this beautiful powerhouse of energy and love as we give it away in a soul union kiss. The courage it takes for us to do this is far greater than any maiden forced to walk a plank on a pirate’s ship. The fear of rejection, the fear of loss, the fear that what we feel and are seeing in another could be stripped away in a moment with the loss of this being. What are we to do if we give our heart to another and they decide somewhere down the road we are walking on that they want to take a different path with someone else? What if they die? Certainly we too will die. It is in times like this that we find our strength in the acceptance of the reality that we cannot lose our heart, our love or our soul. We will never lose this other beautiful manifestation of the divine that we found ourselves captivated by and sharing this life with. We cannot because we are all ONE. Through the true unity of mankind to each other and to the universe around us we can experience even in great times of sorrow a greater depth of love. We see how each moment with this person significantly impacted our life and allowed us to meet ourselves at a level that we would have not if they had not helped us to circumcise our heart.

We only lose out on this perfect true love if we start building the walls of the prisons and installing soldiers to stand guard again at the fortress of our heart. Only then do we block ourselves from the purity of what has ALWAYS been with us. The purity and divinity of God’s love, OUR love, the love of our soul-mates.

Remaining open and willing to walk the path, no matter how scary it may be is the ONLY way to assure our resurrection of self, our ascension to a higher state of conscious loving while in our mortal physical realm.

Stop and take a moment today to look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Have I loved?”

Stop settling for the superficial Hollywood love. You want richness, intimacy, desire and fulfillment. You want to feel yourself loving and sexing. You want to feel yourself plunging deeper into your relationships and being embraced by the mirror of your soul, your lover.

It is time for man to connect his cock and heart and realize that to open a woman into love you have to touch her heart first. Connect there; breathe with her, look her in the eyes without expectation of sex. Go deeper. Press yourself into her with your soul and breathe. Leave your erection for playtime another day. Lead your woman with your masculine energy into her heart where she will open and embrace yours. As she opens here so will her body physically. She will pull you into her and ask you to dance in her universe. She will beg you to take her physically and she will weep in your arms in sheer bliss knowing that you loved her first with your heart and soul.

What magnificent men we can be! — by Jonti Searll

What magnificent men we can be!

An important aspect of the journey for almost every woman who comes to share a healing journey with us, is reclaiming her Yoni. Establishing a relationship and taking back a part of herself, that was mostly separate from the rest of her being.

This is very different from men’s relationship with their Lingam (Penis), so I always thought. Last week, I had a revelation about this. Men don’t have an emotional relationship with their Lingam. The connection is functional, at best it includes a level of pleasure which is mostly external, and is filled with “Macho Mythology”. This relationship is also and often run through with anxiety and fear.

It’s true that through sheer body geography men have a more direct and easier relationship with their genitals. We touch it more in the course of a day, in ways that have nothing to do with sex. It’s external, more visible than a Yoni. We see it, we’re aware of it.

Intellectually aware, recognition aware.
Not emotionally aware.

For most men, sex is a genital experience. It’s body limited, all the sensation is in the Lingam and the pelvis. Occasionally there’s a heart connection, but that’s external. That’s the connection with a partner.

But it’s not with my own heart. There’s no tenderness, there’s no gentleness, there’s no sensuality in terms of My Self, and My Lingam. Me as a sexual and sensual being in my own right.

The ownership is goal oriented, erection and orgasm. Which is functional.
We’ve made it emotional by saying that when we’ve done that, when we’ve achieved that, that’s the sexual expression of being a man fulfilled.

The fear and anxiety of size, performance and pressure to please a partner is all directed outwards. We haven’t taken emotional ownership of ourselves as sexual beings.

The impact of this, is limitation, severe limitation of our feelings, our sensations, and our experiences. Full body orgasms, multiple orgasms, expanded orgasmic states, Lingam Heart opening, Slow Union, melting orgasms, sexual meditation, all of these are inaccessible. They’re for women, and a few weird Tantric dudes.

We can have so much more, much deeper, more satisfying and more fulfilling experiences. For Ourselves. We can know much more of ourselves, express and experience more of ourselves. Which allows us to share more with our partners.
Which allows what’s between us, what we touch, feel and share, to expand.
For there to be more between us, because there’s more within us.

What magnificent men we can be!

Learn more about Jonti Searll and the workshops/sessions he guides at Tantra Evolution