#1 Strategy to Deepening Any Relationship.

He held me in his vulnerability.
His heart racing.
His hands with a soft tremble.
I could feel heat radiating from his chest as he pressed firmly but in love into me.
His breath softly crossing over my neck as his face found itself burried in my long hair.
 
It was his vulnerability.
And yet it was ours.
 
There we stood,
embraced in a deeply connective hug under the stary sky.
The crisp air rustling the leaves as crickets chirped.
 
My soul was taking it all in.
It was a precious moment.
A moment of depth,
of truly connecting,
of holding space and of witnessing.
 
Not many words were needed,
the energy told everything.
And it was the energy of truth.
It was the energy of revealing.
It was the energy of unconditional love and acceptance.
 
The wounds that merged our souls,
the sharing that brought on this moment,
it was all as it should be.
And there we were,
two individuals,
barely knowing each other,
yet KNOWING one another deeper than we were willing to share with most.
 
My heart found gratitude,
my mind was silent.
There was no fear in this moment.
There was no blame or guilt,
no shame.
It was just a moment of acceptance.
 
Of BEING.
 
And so it was.
 
This moment was a lifetime connective piece to this relationship.
And the best thing was,
we both felt it.
 
Yet so many relationships,
of all labels never expereince this and if they do,
things tend to get a little weird after such a moment in time.
We suffer from what is known as vulnerability hangover,
where we have risked allowing our softer side, or our insecurities, fears, or what we perceive as weaknesses to be seen and then we wake up and feel SHAME for the reveal of our depths.
 
And that is what true vulnerability is,
uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
 
But if we desire like Berne Brown speaks of,
greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
 
And this is seen just in this little tale of mine.
This lovely soul allowed himself to be exposed.
He risked revealing his emotional state,
and he did it because his soul wanted to be witnessed, ‘to be truly seen and held.
 
He stepped out with courage and desire,
and allowed for his vulnerability to be the path of connection in this moment.
 
And because he did so,
he gave us both the gift of authentic relating.
Of being able to come together in our humanness and hold each others hearts.
 
He created the space to receive grace.
Grace for self.
Grace for and from another,
thus grace from God.
Who asks us to love unconditionally,
ourselves,
our neighbours,
and to step forward in certainty,
with hearts of children.
 
And children are deeply couragous in their vulnerabilty.
 
As children we inately understand that in order to grow,
to transform and to connect that we must allow ourselves to be seen,
with no shame as to how we are being percieved,
with no judgment for what we are wanting or not wanting,
for how we are feeling.
As children,
we just are.
And in that state of being we dare to state our truth in any given moment.
But as we grow into adults,
we loose touch with the value of being seen.
We instead replace it with the normalcy of fearing what others will think.
We run too and fro,
never feeling like we are enough,
and believing that running in the hustle is the way to achieve this elusive thing called happiness.
 
And so we hide.
We mask and we cover ourselves in shrouds of uncertainty.
Pretending that we are untouchable.
That we are strong.
That we do not need help.
That we have it all figured out.
And we shake our heads at those let themselves be seen.
We believe that eotional displays are a sign of weakness.
 
All the while craving,
hungering for thi svery connection.
Wanting for nothing mpre than to be understood.
 
Vulnerability.
Can it be?
The thing,
the thing that must be birthed in order for us to no longer be chasing happiness and fulfillment,
and instead,
JUST BE IT.
 
 
Yes my beautiful,
here is what you do not want to hear,
but your soul knows true.
 
Taking the steps in vulnerabilty,
and allowing yourself to be held,
is the leaning into the path that leads to your joy.
 
I ask you today,
where can you show a deeper piece of yourself,
and lift the mask that you wear?
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn how to access that breathtaking life where you have clarity and certainty in the steps that you are called toward?
 
Ready to level up your relationships, money and life?
Let’s chat about 1:1 coaching opportunities now.
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Men Who Can’t Lead and Women Who Can’t Submit

GIVE ME YOUR POWER.
I AM THE MAN AND WHAT I SAY GOES.
 
Another laughable topic of today’s time.
The man who acts like this and believes that he is worthy of respect,
worthy of being followed is a MOFO FOOL.
 
I was speaking with a couple of my female clients over the last few weeks about this topic.
 
The topic of LETTING YOUR MAN LEAD,
and actually SUBMITTING ( following) his lead.
 
It’s hard in today’s time to follow our men,
am I right ladies?
 
Multiple things are at play.
 
First being that we woman have been scorned and hurt so much,
our trust has been breached so damn much that we just are no longer willing to keep opening up our hearts and lives to men who do not have our own best interest in mind.
 
And we simply have come to terms with the fact that we are strong AF and don’t really need a man.
 
ESPECIALLY, if he is just going to use us and toss away or lie to us.
 
For us women, we know we can get the sex we may want pretty easily, granted we get that it won’t be as deep or intimate as we may hunger for,
but it still can be damn good and 80% of our sexual needs met.
And when we are in control of it, then we can get it with limited to no emotional damage.
As for needing a man for money…
yeah well #1, most women today pride themselves in making good money and not needing a man to take care of them that way, we don’t want to owe any man anything so that he can hold it over our head and demand from us what we don’t trust to give or feel like giving.
#2, those who do choose to let men finance them typically have figured out how to be the puppeteers of the men by using sex to get what they want and they have no respect or loyalty to the dude, they just look at it as though its commerce and the guy is damn lucky to be getting it at whatever cost it is.
#3, those who are “in a committed relationship and with kids,” well they bounce between heart and fear of messing up their babies lives with a separation so plot for empty nest times and just put their heads down and wait.
 
The second biggest reason we women can’t submit to men of today is that men don’t have a clue what leadership is in relationship.
 
I tell men all the time that they need to led and they respond back with,
 
” I try but she won’t let me.”
” I don’t know how to do that.”
“I do lead, I am the man and she knows it.”
 
The first statement here is two sided,
men you need to be a man that is worthy of be followed first. That means you need to know yourself,
trust yourself,
be capable of making decisions,
and make consistently good choices.
It means that you need to be a man of your word.
It means that you need to be compassionate and understanding.
It means that you need to take responsibility for your wrongs.
It means that you need to KNOW that you are not always right and that’s okay.
It means that you need to have PURPOSE outside of your woman, money, playtime or even work. ( What is your life mission statement men?)
 
But ladies,
we have to learn how to soften ourselves and offer our men an opportunity to do all these things too. We can’t run around shooting them in the knee over everything and getting pissed that they are trying.
 
We have to open up our hearts just a bit and give them an opportunity to touch them with their desire, love and ideas.
 
We have to drop the tough cookie roles and lean in and let our men practice being a gentlemen.
 
We have to allow and even ask for our needs to be met.
We have to stop telling men what we think they should hear and instead speak our integrity to them, tell them the truth, but tell them in compassion.
 
Ladies we have to WANT to attract a better quality man into our lives and know we are worthy of it.
 
The second statement above,
well guys re-read what I just wrote there!
 
Got it?
Got it?
 
I sure AF hope so.
 
And now the third statement above.
 
“I do lead, I am the man and she knows it.”
 
This is NOT leadership.
This is control.
This will not gain you respect, loyalty or love.
And a strong, confident, intelligent woman will NEVER desire this sort of man.
 
We don’t want to babysit our men.
We don’t want to raise you, that was your mama’s job.
But we sure AF don’t want to be owned by you either.
 
This sort of attitude just show’s how damn insecure you are.
How much you NEED someone else to bow before you to make you feel worthy, strong, powerful.
 
This is not real leadership or even real power.
 
This is weakness and ego.
And the women of today can smell this shiz a mile away.
 
The issue with today’s relationships….
with today’s men and women…
 
Is simple.
 
Men have not properly been taught how to be respectful,
men have not been taught how to know their own worth,
they have not been taught how to love, self or other.
Men have no clue what leadership is.
Men have no idea about life purpose.
And most of you men out there DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
 
Lost sheep in a big world where you were never initiated into your man-hood.
 
Instead were told to take, to belittle, to guilt, to retract your love, to be in ego, to play games and that women were not to be trusted.
 
The masculine is lost.
But so is the feminine.
 
Ladies, its time for us to love our men who are trying.
Show appreciation for the men who work at being gentlemen.
Don’t fight them,
but instead support them.
Don’t instantly jump to the conclusion that all men are trying to hurt us, use us or want something from us.
Ladies, receive the compliment with a THANK YOU.
Let him hold your door open.
Ask a man for help in putting a case of water in your grocery store cart.
Smile at a random stranger.
 
By us women knowing our worth and loving ourselves,
by us women speaking our truth in compassion instead of a power struggle,
we will teach the men.
 
And men GROW THE F-ck UP!
And stop making excuses.
Figure out WHO YOU ARE.
 
Every woman LOVES and DESIRES a man on fire,
who has purpose, confidence and passion for his life and KNOWS himself.
 
This is a man who can LEAD the strongest of women.
 
As Always.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to level up your relationship and learn how to be a leader as a man? Message me for deet’s on my global private coaching today.
 
Today’s musing inspired by
 
Michael Baisden Live

THIS is How You Get Your Woman to Want Your SEX!

“Baby you know I want you to love me! All I want is for you to tell me how you will do this! So I can think of you loving me! Don’t you want me to think about you constantly loving me? to keep me so horny for you?”
 
It’s laughable is it not?
 
Yet THIS is how so many unconscious men believe that women want to be spoken too.
 
THIS is how so many men believe women want to be related too.
 
THIS is how so many unconscious men believe INTIMACY to be.
 
But it’s NOT!
 
Over and over again I witness in different ways,
from messages and emails, texts and actual conversations.
 
From people in my practice who are clients to people who want to be clients.
 
From the lovers in my life,
current and past.
 
I witness from men the concept that women have the same turn on switches as men.
 
The reality is that 90% of the time THIS could not be further from the truth.
And when men approach women in the way men get turned on,
touching us the way they think we want to be touched,
which typically only provides them with pleasure,
speaking about intimacy, sex, relationship, connection in the way that turns them on but never slowing the eff down enough to inquire what makes us happy, aroused, ignited…
 
THEY TURN US THE F-CK OFF!
 
Not On.
 
Statements such as the one above are not about:
connection
intimacy
igniting the woman
learning her
sharing
or even viewing her as human.
 
These statements are about:
“What can she do for me?”
“How can she turn me on?”
“How can she pleasure me?”
 
It is a statement of USE.
And turns your woman or the woman you are speaking too into a masturbation tool.
 
NOTHING More.
 
If we aim to turn a potential partner or our partner on,
if we aim to arouse someone,
then we MUST learn how to relate to them.
 
Now men get turned on by visual stimulation,
men get turned on by mental stimulation, fantasy.
Men get turned on by sexy talk.
Men want to witness the act,
and they want this because sex happens outside their body.
It is happening on the outside layer of them not internally.
They get ignited sexually first.
The heart and emotions come second,
and when the sex diminishes so does the heart.
 
Women on the flip side,
get turned on by feeling adored,
feeling safe, feeling like her partner is into her,
appreciating her for her thoughts,
her views and ideas,
women get aroused by sensual touch or compassionate touch,
women feel connected when their partner inquires about her day and life AND LISTENS to her response instead of the football game.
Women need to actually LIKE their mate and feel their heart/emotions.
When a woman is opened up in her heart,
her sex opens with it.
When her heart closes,
her sex follows.
And she DOES NOT FEEL YOU any more.
 
So if you really want to ignite your woman,
or any woman for that matter,
heed this message.
 
And penetrate her heart first.
be a good guy that is compassionate and INTO her as a HUMAN BEING,
inquire about her likes, dislikes,
her day and views.
Get into the FEELS with her by sharing how you actually view things, feel about different stuff and show her that you are HUMAN too.
STOP touching her for your arousal and start asking her how she wants to be touched.
 
Learn your woman.
Not by insisting that she relate to sex, relationship and intimacy the way you do,
but instead by honoring the beautiful feminine that she is.
Which is FEELING.
Which is HEART CENTERED.
 
And then look out,
because once you open her heart to you,
(if she is into you like that, which you have no f-cking actual control over BTW)
then she will ROCK YOU sexually as well.
 
Or keep relating the way you have been,
and wonder why women are moody,
shut down,
on edge,
and walk away from you.
 
Your choice.
 
I suggest being a CONSCIOUS MAN.
 
Because Average and Ordinary ain’t no fun.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Working with couples and singles on have a F-ck Yes! sex and intimacy life is a passion of mine. I believe that YOU are worthy of that and more. Message me for deet’s on how I help you create a kick a*s love and financial life today. I work with people globally.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

Your Criticism Enables My Scarcity Mindset.

 

Your criticism enables my scarcity mindset!

Why can’t you just be happy for me?
Why can’t you just smile and let me live my life?
Why do you have to always try and fix what you deem broken,
when perhaps….

Just perhaps its not broken at all.

I get that your intent is not to slice me to the bone.
I get that you have no concept of the shame, the fear, the lack of worthiness that you trigger each time you aim to fix what you think needs fixing.

But honey beware.

Your words are powerful.
although you do not control me.
Ultimately it is my choice to fall prey to your desire for my brokenness,
be warned that these words you cast upon me and others,
be warned that these judgements,
these criticism’s have power.
And even the strongest in nature,
those of us who rebel from the control,
yes even us can be penetrated after time,
with these words of fear.

As time passes and you search for more weakness in me,
as you look for how you can save me,
teach me,
heal me,
support me,
your words become like Chinese water torture,
like nails on a chalk board.
They make me cringe,
they set me on defense.
They steal away my ability to feel you.

And now I stand here guarded.
Ready to take my punishment.
Now before I even start to share,
before I take any step forward or to the side,
I already hear your words of criticism,
and I know…
I know that no matter what I do,
no matter how turned on I am to my life,
no matter how much in flow and a state of passion I might be,
no matter the creative genius that wants to stem from my core.

I know.
I know that in your eye’s I am broken.
I know that in your mind I need to learn.
I know that you see me as this child,
this silly naive thing that needs your saving,
needs your fixing.
And so why bother?
Why even try and speak my truth?
Why try and do anything,
because I already know.

And so I settle into the average and ordinary.
I settle into the surface level relating.
Depth and being seen is too painful.

I feel stupid.
I feel dumb.
I feel ugly.
I feel unlovable.
I feel like no matter what,
it does not matter,
because I am wrong.

Or I will get it wrong.
Or it will be messed up by my touch,
by my words,
it’s just me.
And I should just not be.

Your criticism enables my scarcity mindset!
You enable me to not step up and be all that I can be.
You enable me to fear my power.
You enable me to fear my creative soul.
You enable me to keep hating myself.
You enable me to see all my lack of worth.
You enable me….

AND FOR WHAT?

Do you really believe that your words of judgement will entice me into becoming more?
Do your really believe that you know my calling,
my purpose,
my heart better than I or God?
Do you think that your need to fix me is inspiring?

Because it is not!
And lucky for me…
I will never listen.
And when I feel these chisels from you to cut me down,
to make me fear,
to make me become logical.

Yes lucky for me,
I am a F-CK YOU!

and I will move away.
I will step back.
I will turn around.
I will not listen.

Instead I will laugh.
Because you,
you are the lost one.
You are the broken one.
You are the one that needs me.

But honey,
that you will not ever have.
Because the tribe I run too,
is a tribe that is wild.
A tribe that is free.
A tribe that is supportive through love.
Supportive through the building up.
Through the appreciation.
Yes that is my tribe.

And so I encourage you to stop this ridiculous need of cutting down, and finding fault, of looking for what is broken or wrong.
I encourage you to instead step into your power.

I encourage you to look for what makes you happy with me.
What makes you happy with life.
What makes you happy with you.

Because all this criticism although seeming pointed at me,
it is not I that you actually have issue with,
it is not I that frustrates you so,
it is not I who needs your saving…

But it is YOU.

So look in that mirror my dear.
Look closely in your eye,
and tell yourself something positive.

Then continue to speak those words.
Because what you focus on grows.

I love you.
You are worthy.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Message me for deet’s on my Autumn 1:1 Coaching Subscriptions to embrace your poser and be all you can be.

The Importance of Social Media for Happiness Today.

Caught up in your phone.
Caught up with that small screen of yours.
It is so important isn’t it?
 
It holds your life.
Checking your bank account.
Checking your emails.
Personal and business.
It comes to this one small little world capturing device.
 
What’s happening on Facebook?
On Instagram?
Twitter?
Snap chat?
Whats new on Pinterest and what have you pinned today?
 
This world of ours it is all scrolling by on our wall and here we are missing each other for it.
 
I know how it is.
I really do.
I am oh so guilty of just this,
loosing myself to the mini screen in my hand.
 
And what I have noticed is that when I allow this screen to own my day,
my thoughts and time.
I am more anxious, I am more lost, more insecure.
It’s like my personal value and worth is somehow wrapped up in how many likes, loves or shares my messages gain.
 
I am curious as to what those I follow and learn from are doing, experiencing and enjoying.
 
I might be guilty even of comparing at times.
And here we go baby,
its the social media platform life.
It’s the modern world.
And its like never escaping high school on some days.
 
With all the communication,
all the personal shares and picture posting.
All the debates and livestreams,
you would think that we would grow to be a world society that loves deeper and greater and has better social skills because we have at our finger tips the world that so many of us will never actually be able to go explore to any level.
 
But what has actually occurred is a separation.
We have forgotten our humanness for all the distance between our screens.
 
We now think that it is okay to take the easy route and to be rude, hurtful, deceitful and immature.
We have forgotten that our actions, our words, and how we choose to show up impacts those around us,
and now more so than ever before those around us is a mass.
 
It is the WORLD beautiful that see’s you.
No matter how small a circle you have here in social media land,
your words have a bigger impact then they would have 50 years ago or even a decade.
Because we like, love, angry face and share.
We spread our infections to so many more then we use too.
 
It use to be just a small village that would hold space or burn us at the stake,
but today…
today the village is the WORLD.
 
Today it is even more important then ever before to sharpen up on your social skills.
 
Today it is even more vital to your business,
your personal life,
and the lives of those that you live and share your inner world with,
it is more important today to make sure as f-ck that YOU are being authentic and REAL.
That you are choosing to stand in your truth.
That you are confident in who you are and what you believe,
and that you are walking the path that your CORE,
your SOUL desires.
 
Because as this world has grown ever so disconnected.
The tribes that we build will only have loyalty beautiful,
if they can feel who you are.
 
And if you are weak in who you are,
you will get lost in today’s social media world,
washed up and lost beautiful.
 
And what will come of you,
will be suffering.
You will start to believe that what the WORLD thinks,
what the WORLD says of you is true.
And you will no more be your beautiful self.
 
So today commit to being YOU.
Authentically YOU in this crazy online world of ours.
Today commit to get up to speed on some old school social skills,
like being kind,
being respectful,
being YOU.
Stop with the manipulation, the lies and rude ways that you feel oh so safe in acting on because this small screen of yours is your shield.
 
Time to STEP UP and be Authentically YOU beautiful.
BE YOU and let your SOUL be felt.
Not your fear ego and jealousy.
 
This new world of ours will either make or break you.
 
Now like or love this musing beautiful and make me smile. 😁
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

WHAT YOU WANT YOU CAN’T GIVE 100% OF THE TIME.

You know what you are looking for in your life?
You know what you are wanting in your relationships?
 
It’s the very thing that is so hard to give.
We all have trouble offering it 100% of the time.
And in truth we simply will never be it 100%.
 
We can’t be it all the time,
because we are works in progress,
always getting to know ourselves a tad bit deeper.
And it is a scary ground to walk on.
But geeze do our souls desire it so.
 
What could I be speaking of beautiful?
 
Well its not more sex.
It’s not even love.
It’s not a pat on the back.
Or more money.
 
No.
 
The thing that we often desire is a little thing that you can not hold in your hands,
you can feel with your skin,
you cannot guarantee ever.
But you want it.
You want it, this I am sure.
 
That thing I speak of beautiful is:
 
TRUTH.
INTEGRITY.
HONESTY.
AUTHENTICITY.
 
So often I hear people say,
” I am an honest person.”
 
” All I want is to know the truth.”
” I hate drama and manipulation.”
” I am a person of their word.”
” I am just being me.”
 
Mmmm- Hmmmmm….
 
Is that so?
Is that true?
 
Perhaps it may feel that way to you.
And perhaps you may actually believe that you are.
And in many moments you most likely are.
But today I offer up the pondering of the possibility that maybe, just maybe you are not as authentically honest and truthful as you believe you are.
 
Perhaps you are human,
just like the rest of us out here.
Perhaps you are on a journey to discover who you are and even though you think you know,
you still find yourself waking up to new aspects of who you actually are each time the shiz hits the fan and you are triggered.
 
Every time someone asks something of you and you make an excuse.
Every time, someone shares something with you in confidence and you share it just once with this good friend over here.
Every time you get triggered and your words escape your mouth before you have thought them through.
Every time you blame and point that finger.
Every time you weep in feeling you are alone and story tell to yourself the lies that support.
Every time someone does not react the way that you desire and so you say something to make them change their mind…
 
Yes every time.
 
Every time you tell your lover something that is not true.
Every time you look down from yourself in the mirror.
Every time you shut down your heart from feeling what you said.
Every time YOU ARE ASKED TO STEP UP and speak your truth.
 
Oh, beautiful every time.
 
These are all moments when we choose to step back from that which we desire so deeply to have.
 
And by stepping back from our own truth,
we lean just a tad into that vibe of illusion.
And we lie to ourselves.
We lie to others as well.
It often feel’s so small,
it should not matter.
But each time we step away from our truth,
we close off AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION.
 
We shut ourselves down to love.
Because often beautiful,
in moment like these,
love is there.
Just on the other side of our illusions,
where we choose to lift our head,
say no to the ego of trying to get out of something or to manipulate.
 
Yes on the other side we find love.
We find freedom.
We find confidence.
And we regain trust.
 
You will never be a trustworthy person if you cannot stand in your own integrity,
even when you have fallen,
to stand in integrity is to give yourself grace enough to say,
“I was wrong.”
 
Where have you stepped away from that which you desire so much?
 
And how can you step back into authentic relating with those you love and care for?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

You Offend Me. – Stop It!

That is IT!
I am DONE!!!!!
Done you hear me.
 
I cannot stomach it any longer.
Just the fact that you think that way and have the nerve to state it openly on top of everything.
 
So frustrating.
It should not be allowed.
I mean seriously,
you have no clue.
 
ARGH.
 
Stop already.
That is it!
I am clicking report and then I am unfriending you.
It sickens me that you shared that.
 
How little do you think of yourself to just put yourself out there like that?
 
Do you have no self-respect.
Self-care?
I bet you do this because you think you are oh so cool or hot, right?
Well it is obvious that you are just another attention hungry bottom of the pool feeder who has no real understanding about anything and just wants us all to bask in your glory.
 
Seriously.
I am DONE.
This whole thing is offensive to me.
It is offensive to all of your followers and friends.
How can you just keep sharing?
How do I make you STOP?
 
Don’t you see yourself?
Geeze….
 
Think much of yourself?
There you go again posting.
 
I cannot take it.
Seriously, I am going to unfriend you.
I am.
 
What’s this?
These people here are agreeing with you?
 
W-H-A-T?????
 
Come on people you are going to buy into this rubbish?
Really?
 
Okay now that is pushing it.
Now you have done it.
You are now making others believe this crap like you do.
Will you stop at nothing?
 
and on,
and on,
and on,
we go.
 
 
Okay dear reader, PLEASE don’t believe that any of the above is anything that I have personally outside of this post here ever written and meant or written at all.
 
Matter a fact just today I was doing a livestream and you could see my nipples I guess under my my shirt and a man responded, “nice nipples.” in the comments section.
Of which I said nothing to.
 
Then later a man private messaged me and asked if this other man’s comment offended me.
 
LOL.
 
F-ck No!
 
In order for his comment or anyone’s comment to offend me,
it would mean that their opinion of me mattered somehow.
As though how they judged me, viewed me or what they translated from my image or words had some effect on my self-worth, esteem or confidence.
As though their opinion should cause me to second guess, judge or love myself less.
 
That is funny.
I tell you I am laughing at a deep soul core level over thinking that someone making any comment, or doing something even as distastefulness as some of the pictures I receive or random advances that I get daily should have a true effect on who I am or how I feel about me is CRAZY.
 
Offended?
 
What does it take to offend one?
Well for some in today’s world it takes VERY little.
And for those poor saps who live in a world that is out to get them I feel pity, because they will never bask in the beauty and joy that life has to offer.
They will never be able to fully trust life.
Themselves. or anyone.
It is sad to watch so many people go straight into defense at the slightest little thing that ruffles their feathers.
And without any concept of what they are really doing.
 
Standing about,
pointing fingers,
getting mad at pictures,
at opinions of other’s,
at debates,
or feelings,
that are not theirs to begin with,
and truly believing that it is everyone’s else’s responsibility to make them happy, keep then safe from things that pull up fears, or trigger them in some fashion, or to make them feel anything at all.
 
Here is the cold hard reality.
NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU BUT YOU!
 
And nothing can MAKE.YOU.FEEL
anything.
 
That is all an inside game.
The only thing you do when you feel offended is cower into the corner of the victim mindset and turn over your power to everything/one else,
putting them in charge of your happiness.
 
And then acting like a spoiled kid when you don’t get what you expect.
 
Sheer silliness.
Laziness too.
and emotional immaturity above everything else.
 
It is most certainly the topic of today.
Even a fellow coach/friend had a share of theirs taken down because it went against community guideline.
 
?????
Did she get naked and share a video or pic that was to out there like some of the things I see come through in some of the groups?
 
NO.
 
Did she cuss people out or call people prejudges names?
 
No.
 
Did she slander someone?
 
No.
 
Did she do ANYTHING offensive?
Well, yes.
Yes she did.
Well she must have.
Because her livestream was deleted for such.
 
It was not a community that she offended.
No.
She offended one person more than likely.
And much like my writing above,
this one took it upon themselves to save everyone from such nonsense that was in this livestream.
 
Mean while,
we have video’s running around with violent scenes,
men are sending very unattractive and unwanted pictures to random women in messenger,
people are being called names because of how they look,
or what race they are or church they go too.
We can openly watch a video with a squirrel having its nut’s ( yes actual nuts/balls/testicle’s) caught in a fence and we laugh it off.
 
All of this is okay.
Why because of the number of likes it has below it?
Or because it’s not happening to you.
Or you just don’t see it.
 
And still even all of this…
 

GUESS WHAT?

 
Yes even my fellow coach video being taken down.
None of it is offensive.
 
UNLESS YOU MAKE IT SO IN YOUR OWN HEAD.
 
Again…
No one is responsible for your happiness,
your feelings,
your thought,
or judgments,
other than YOU.
 
So why the rant today?
Because it is silly.
And as I shared on a comment thread about this very thing,
 
“It is a shame that our society is focused on being on the attack and can’t stand behind our right of speech and to share our options and thoughts. It is crazy, back in the 1950’s doing Roasts were so popular and it took a strong and stable person to be able to sit through the ego breaking moments of a roast. today’s society cannot handle someone just glancing over at them for no reason without feeling offended. Crazy it is. We have raised a weak society of wantabe adults.”
 
Today society cannot handle a ROAST.
Or a wrong look.
Or your opinion.
 
Let along your life.
Your hobbies.
Your likes.
Dislikes.
Beliefs.
The color of your hair.
or how you choose to dress.
 
We have become a weak culture.
We in WHO WE ARE.
Knowing ourselves.
And loving who we are.
We are weak in just allowing each to their own.
We have become STRONG in becoming the police for everything that has nothing to do with us.
We have become STRONG in sticking our nose into everything and playing the blame game.
 
Gotta Love the Blame Game.
Right?
 
 
Not.
So how do you rank love?
How easily offended are you?
Have I pushed you to the point of no return in this share and made you one of my haters?
 
Or are you EMPOWERED and conscious?
 
Share your thoughts below.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Don’t wait another one, two, five, ten years to start THRIVING.
Make 2019 the year of you claiming YOU.

No One Gives A Sh*t About Your Troubles.

No one really cares if you succeed or not.
No one really gives a rat’s rear end if you pay your bills or not.
No one really ultimately gives a shit.
How do I know this is true?
 
Well think about it…
Your friend tells you about their troubles,
the man next door shares about his job loss,
the woman at the school shares she has cancer,
your aunt says that she is terminal,
Your kid says that they are stressed about this or that,
your buddy at work get’s canned.
 
Sad but true.
These events happen every day.
You hear about them,
and you say,
OMG! I am so sorry.
I will pray for you.
You ask what you can do.
You feel bad for a few moments or even revisit the feeling here and there through out the day,
but at the end of the day,
you sit down on your couch,
you snuggle with your kids or your spouse,
or crash alone,
you watch whatever series on TV that you are caught up in,
and you ignore the miseries of others.
 
Right?
So why think that anyone else is doing something different when you share your sob stories.
 
the reality is that no one really cares if you succeed.
And to top it off,
almost everyone will eat away at your
TIME
ENERGY
MONEY
HEART
and whatever else they can absorb from you in the process.
 
Your friends,
Your family,
and any one that you allow too,
will step into your life and enjoy all that you have to give,
and keep taking from you until you say no,
or drop from exhaustion.
 
So why do so many of us, ‘find ourselves wrapped up in other people’s drama, if this is true?
 
Why do we allow for others to just leach off of us,
if at the end of the day it does not really matter?
 
Why do we extend ourselves to the point of breaking in some fashion, if no one really gives a shit?
 
Now I know that this may seem a little pessimistic here.
And I am not saying that we should not help.
That we should not ask for help.
 
What I am wanting to do is bring attention to the harsh reality of being human and living in a world of fellow humans.
 
We are all greedy mother f-ckers.
 
We want what we want and we want it for ourselves.
Even when we are “helping another” it is for ourselves.
 
It is most likely our ego,
wanting a pat on the back in some fashion,
even if it is just from ourselves to say, ” Yeah, I am a good person.”
 
Here is the reality,
here is the thought behind this share,
so often,
this aspect of our ego’s that desires to be just that,
“A good person,”
will lead us down the path of filling up our schedules with other peoples business.
 
The business that leads us to no where land.
The business that takes us into stress,
into chaos, and misery.
Worry and doubt.
The business that if we get real with ourselves,
we are stepping into because of our own fear of moving forward.
 
And so we fiddle around in this or that,
being a good person.
 
Taking the short term payout,
of feeling good about ourselves,
all the while,
denying our dreams.
 
When we allow others to dictate,
to control,
and to take priority on our schedules.
and in our lives,
our thoughts,
we hand over our power to them .
And we in essence say,
” I am sure that you will put me before you and do what is in my best good.”
We say,
” I have weak or no boundaries.’
” I do not value my own time or energy.”
” I need a reason to be a victim.”
 
And we do these things,
because yes we want to be good people.
We want to be liked.
We want to help others.
We feel lead to do them.
 
All great reasons.
However, all ego based.
 
And these ego based reason.
will NEVER lead us to the results in our lives that we desire.
They will only lead us to something other than success.
And that would be FAILURE.
 
And we will continue to experience this as long as we over give of ourselves based in ego.
 
If you want to claim that F-ck Yes Life.
If you want to build a multi-six or seven figure business.
If you want to have a phenomenal relationship.
Or any other dream or goal,
then you have to stop f-cking around.
And you have to make YOU #1.
Because no one else on this planet is going to,
and nor should they.
 
It is high time that you go do what you need to do,
to become whom you need to become.
 
Stop making excuses by getting caught up in everyone’s else’s live’s,
INSTEAD get caught up in your own.
 
Say YES to the most important person in your life.
YOU.
 
And as always,
Stop Exisiting & Start Living

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Hope & Commitment: PRICELESS

Average cost of a divorce: $15,000 to $30,000

Average child support payment for one child: $430

Average alimony support percentage of highest earning spouse: 30% of income for up to 50% of time of marriage

Saving your relationship and working through your shit: PRICELESS

Remember the old commercial?
Well I sure do.

And this topic is near and dear to me in recent times.
But more importantly,
It is a possible reality to many of my couples clients.
Or potential couples clients.

The sad truth is that quiet often people go looking for help.
They sit in my office,
Wrenching their hands together,
Butterflies in their stomach,
Wanting to be heard.
To be understood.
And to be given hope.

They look at their spouse,
And they hope that they too have a sincere desire to heal the wounds of years gone by.
They hope that their partner is feeling at ease and will be open to the possibilities of getting help.

Often, tears are shed in my office by one or both parties as they recognize the pain,
They see the situation of their marriage clearer,
And they feel the tingle of hope spreading its wings inside them.

There they sit.
HOPEFUL.

They share intimacies within this safe container,
Baring their truths of bitterness, of loss of desire, of financial pains, of feeling left behind and under appreciated.

They share their sins.
From adultery to drug usage to porn and anger.

They share their longing.
Their longing to reconnect.
To heal.
To love and be loved.

And so they walk away from me,
Feeling lighter.
Feeling connection and understanding.
Feeling non-judgment.
Feeling as if they can recover.
They feel HOPE.

And then….
It is inevitable my follow up email with all my recommendations and observations comes into their inbox.
It asks them for their,
COMMITMENT.

Many stand up to the plate.
But many steer away in fear.

They lean on objections.
From price to time.
They say they need to wait.
They say they think they can do it on their own.
They say this
And they say that.

But none of it matters.
They CHOOSE to not commit
And thus they choose to remain in their suffering and in the harsh reality that separation most likely will knock soon at their door.

But they feel like they cannot change the outcome.
Because it just is.
So they settle into victim mode.
And they loose HOPE.

How much does it cost to sacrifice your HOPE?
How much is it worth to step into COMMITMENT ?

It is priceless.
Thats what it is.
On both sides it is PRICELESS.

The only question
I ask these souls who choose to say goodbye is,
Are you happy?

At the end of any decision.
You must ask yourself.
Are you happy?

Here you will learn your truth.
Here you will learn about your fear.
Your regrets.
Your desires.
And if you made the right choice.

No one can answer this for any of us.
It is between us and soul.

And it is PRICELESS.

As always,
Stop Existing and Start Living

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Mother F*cker Messed Up My Orgasm.

 
I sit here this morning not wanting to open up my text thread with my ex.
The negativity,
the control,
the anger that comes from it,
and that I feel inside just at reading the last words on the thread.
 
“Really?”
 
I already know the tone.
The comments and commands.
I feel disgust at this thread.
 
Late last night I saw his final words,
they hit me like lead in my gut,
Sorrow,
Distrust,
Bitterness,
Anger.
 
It is all here.
Stepping away from an enviroment,
a relationship for a few weeks or months
 

“Really”

 
does show you a person’s truth.
While in the relationship we make excuses,
get caught up in the day to day,
and simply just don’t want change.
We don’t want to have a relationship fail.
We want to make it work.
We want to be accepted, loved and connected.
Even at the cost of our well-being,
Our happiness,
Joy,
Health and freedom.
 
SO we ignore,
hide, ‘cover that shit up and act like it is not there.
 
Truth never stays hidden forever though.
A person’s true color’s ALWAYS come out.
And in my saga, the color’s are not so pretty in this relationship.
 
The truth of the reality is that I masked from myself my partners need to control and dominate. I knew he was an alpha personality walking in, and loved that about him. His strength and ability to hold boundaries was attractive. His assertiveness and masculine power was what I needed and desired. I needed the security of this. I needed the foundation of this. I also loved his calm, cool, collected stance. I loved his seemingly open mindedness and playfulness. He offered what I needed in the moment.
 
It was a season.
There was a reason.
 
Now those were gone.
Now I am left with the flip side.
The control freak, the aggressor, the one who when he does not get his way acts like a 3 year old and retracts himself, his love and says, ” I hate you.” Takes his ball and goes home.
 
Now I am left with his need to try and control me through our children. I wonder if he even notices it, if he is aware of his pattern’s, his actions or if he is just playing the role that is comfortable to him and feel’s safe.
 
Now I am left with the residue of his energy as it wafts through the text message, the facetime, the phone calls and emails.
 
Now I am left with him just ignoring anything he does not want to discuss because of the discomfort and his knowing that it will be emotional and I will speak my truth and he can do nothing to stop it.
 
Now I am left with him proving what his priorities are.
His bottom line is focused on his bank account and not on relationship.
His priority is to pretend that none of his actions had anything to do with anything.
His priority is to run and hide behind his masks, not seeing that he is turning into his worst nightmare. The people he always claimed he did not want to be like he is now mimicking them. He is now becoming the one’s that have since passed and he is honoring the patterns that they taught him as a little boy. He is now honoring a closed heart, a barren soul, a disconnected life.
 
In his desire to control, he does nothing more than share his rage and hatred. His fear.
 

But none of this is reason for him to steal my orgasm.

 
No, that is on me.
 
But I want to cast blame onto him.
I want to point the finger and say he did this to me.
 
Yes, this morning I sit here not wanting to open this thread of text messages between us because I feel all of it.
 
Last night, I did not open it in hopes to avoid it.
I wanted to avoid the negativity of his control.
I wanted to avoid looking at him on facetime with our nightly call for our kids.
I wanted to just not feel him for just one night, one day.
I wanted the freedom that flickers through my days.
I wanted to breathe.
 
But that last statement attached itself to me,
the thread just lingered and my ego ran and played with it.
 

“Really?”

He was inquiring why I had not answered I am sure,
he was frustrated that in his grand attempt to contact everyone in my home to get me to contact him had not worked,
he was upset that he could not control the situation and that I had made a stance to just say no.
 
Our children had not asked to speak to him so I felt no guilt in not speaking tonight.
 
We were busy having fun, connecting and laughing.
We were snuggling.
So why wreck a good moment.
A good memory for his desire to control?
 
Yes, this is the question of the morning.
Why allow him to steal it?
I held firm for my children.
For that moment.
But then I allowed that word, that thread to infiltrate my soul.
I allowed it to poke at me.
And I allowed it to steal the depth of orgasm that I was offered in the night hours with my lover.
 
I pushed myself to open,
I felt pain from doing this.
I shut myself in fear,
fear I would reveal to much.
I got captured by that damn text thread,
over and over again.
 
Into my head,
out of my body.
Away from my deep orgasm.
Keeping it surface.
All the while desiring what I had just tasted 24 hours before.
 

That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.

F-*-C-K!!!!!!

 
I allowed him to.
Just like I allowed him to control to much of my life in our relationship. Just like I allowed him the power to act the way he did. Just like I allowed myself to stay,
to stay in the enviroment that was not conducive to my purpose,
my heart, my life.
 
YES
 
That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.
But I made the choice to not release,
to breathe in.
To hold him and his energy
instead of leaning in to my lovers thrusts of passion,
my lovers presence,
my bliss.
 
He only messed it up because I allowed it.
And this morning, I sit here witnessing my ego, my pain, my rage, my holding.
 
Here I sit with my body breaking down.
My body screaming at me, “STOP! – Let that shit go!”
 
Here I sit, witnessing that he not only physically hurt me,
controlled me in ways that I was not aware of,
hid his truth from me,
Held anger toward me and lied to my face about it,
He not only did not love me and may have never,
but he continued to punch me in the heart.
He was willing to try and dominate my life,
the children’s life,
through textbook tactics of an abuser.
 
It is shocking to me.
It is on going.
It is healing to see things from this vantage point.
 

That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.

And I am in gratitude for it.

 
Thank you Mother F*cker for being you and showing me my strength.
Thank you Mother F*cker for showing who you really are so that I could claim whom I am more.
Thank you Mother F*cker for the season, the reason and the blessings that we shared.
Thank you Mother F*cker for coming into my life and being EXACTLY what I needed.
 
With out you, I would not be me.
Empowered.
Guided.
Desiring more.
Certain.
 
Thank you for supporting my determination and drive.
Thank you for your disconnect to your emotions and heart, and showing what that does to a human, to a relationship, to a life and making me aware of where I meet you there and that…
 
I CHOOSE.
I choose to STOP meeting you there.
I choose instead to open up my heart.
To feel my emotions.
To forgive.
To heal.
To laugh.
To connect.
 

I choose to LIVE.

Unbound, free and on purpose.

 
Cut loose from the chains that you tried to hold me with.
Cut loose from the chains that I held myself with.
Cut loose from the fear.
 
YES
I choose.
I choose to…
 

Stop Existing & Start Living

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