IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.
If you ever loved me you would not let me hurt like this.
If you ever loved me you would rethink your actions.
If you ever loved me you would take the time to hear me.
If you ever loved me you would want to share.
If you ever loved me you would give me closure.
If you ever loved me you would make this all go away.
And so many other if you ever statements.
Boy, oh boy do I ever understand the pain of loss.
The pain of break up, divorce, seperation, being lied to and abandoned.
I understand how it feels when our worlds crash,
when our beautiful plans seize to exist,
and it all seems like it happens within a flash of time.
How can this other person who loves us,
or at least proclaimed that they did,
or at very least said that they cared,
just walk away?
How can they turn their backs to us and just keep on living their lives?
Don’t they care?
And so the story of love and loss goes on throughout all time.
And so our hearts expand and we are elated when those that we love are turned toward us,
and when they are no longer by our side we crash into pain and suffering. Feeling abandoned.
Feeling as though we spent all this time in a lie.
It just cannot be so.
It certainly is not fair or right,
and we don’t have it coming to us.
I mean how is it possible that this sort of thing could be of our own doing?
“THAT” other person made those decisions,
acted that way, said those things and lied to us,
after all. We would not bring this upon ourselves.
Well I can tell you this beautiful,
YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID BRING IT UPON YOURSELF.
One of two things happened.
Your vibe either went up past the other person or it crashed below them.
Either way it held there for a long enough period of time and was a great enough difference in frequency that the two of you were no longer in alignment and thus the relationship had to end.
So which direction did you go?
This is actually the important thing to question if you truly give a sh*t about your future and who you are.
If you love yourself that is.
And so many people just don’t.
Hope that this is not you though.
You can tell what direction you went by looking at your thoughts,
your feelings and your actions.
If you are the one who leveled up your frequency then this relationship transition will be pretty smooth and easy. You may be in pain, you may feel a tad lost, you may want closure even but at the end of the day you will recognize that the most loving this you can ever offer someone is space to expand, to be them and to have a beautiful life with or without you and in this case it means without you. That may be a stinger, but a high vibe soul will walk away in love and know that the lessons offered in that relationship were powerful, perfect and have helped them gain clarity in who they are and what they want. A high vibe soul will know that what they need to do now is turn their full attention to themselves and clearing out anything that no longer serves them from within.
A high vibe soul will be in appreciation and gratitude for the relationship and the break up.
Yep I said that.
Gratitude for the break up,
because they see its purpose.
However, a low vibe soul will flounder in pain, suffering and blame.
They will demand attention and stomp around like a three year old having a tantrum. They will act out in childish ways, trying to cause pain in hope of gaining attention from the one they lost. They will not be able to take responsibility for their part in the transition and they will feel as though they simply cannot move forward until the other person does this or that to clear things up for them.
They will focus on fear and they will want the other to feel pain as well.
They will not see the growth and opportunity that the transition brings with it, but instead see destruction and attack.
A low vibe soul cannot see past their own ego to find the love that was there in the relationship and still remains.
A low vibe soul is caught in their own inner hell where they will reside until they choose to view life differently and take responsibility for the events, thoughts and feelings that are all thiers. They will be destined to repeat the drama that they believe is happening to them over and over again, where they will mask themselves from their beauty, their core and alignment to God all in the concept that “it’s not fair.”
So you see beautiful,
It is very important that you know what direction you went in the transition. It says bundles as to where you are now and what you are manifesting for your future.
It shows just how much love you have for yourself and whether you understand how powerful you are.
Because you are powerful.
You co-created this transition for the purpose of becoming more of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
No matter the direction you went ( up or down in frequency) this fact remains the same.
Now the only thing you need worry about is not if the other loved you, or still does, but if you love you enough to let go and thrive.
You are so f-cking worthy of a F-ck Yes! Life.
It’s time that you recognize that and see that ALL relationships are here to elevate you, educate you and clarify what you want and who you really are.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to kick 2021 off with a high vibe and call in the relationship of your dreams? Meet your soulmate and know that you really got this? Message me for deet’s on what I have in store to make just this happen and more for YOU.
TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS BECOMING EVIDENT
There is a necessary evil,
A violence in discovery.
And we don’t want to face its existence.
But that does not change the fact that it is there and it is necessary.
For us to evolve, to expand and awaken we must come to terms with it.
For when we awaken, and stand on the brink of the world that we once knew and the world that awaits us, we will feel torn apart at our very existence.
We will seize to exist as we have been and we will be forced to recognize who we are at our core.
It will be terrifying and beautiful.
And we must storm with courage toward it if we are to have the life that we desire that we were born to live.
The defiance of such will cause your utter destruction and yet by leaning into the fires of your purification and awakening to your power you will expect the same.
And to a degree you are accurate.
However without this destruction of the old self,
Of the world that you cling so tightly too,
You will never have anything that your soul desires and was born to live for.
You will be no more,
Only leaving in your place a skeleton of who you actually are.
Hungry to have flesh on your bones,
You will wonder the world aimlessly,
Depressed, anxious and fearful.
Lost in the world and in yourself.
You will mimic and hide under the masks of those you envy.
Not knowing self.
And here is where you must stand,
Stand for you my love.
Know your worth.
Have grace for where you have been.
Take stance to where you are going,
Set free your inner child,
Set free the wolves of your soul and let your heart escape its bounds and shackles.
The day is afresh,
Your life is before you,
The new world is calling.
Go unto her my love.
She hungers to give to you.
She wants to swallow you up in her rhythm and song,
Have you dance upon her flesh,
And laugh into her mysteries.
But you must claim it.
You must allow it and demand for it.
It will never be handed to you without your asking.
But once asked for it will be given.
You are the seeker,
Do not remain blind any longer.
You are walking the tightrope of your life,
Which way will you fall?
It is time that you see one way is up and the other down.
You have heaven and hell at your feet.
It is time to choose.
Will you settle for what you have always known?
Or will you awaken and see the evidence of your soul’s arrival.
The shifting in time.
You are being called too.
The angels support you.
Your shadow fears.
It is not of creator,
Not your truth or destiny.
Turn away and run toward the path.
Where two different worlds become evident.
Lest you let go of the reigns of your very life to salvage what will have you lost and hungry.
Broke and battered by the currents of this chaotic world.
Washing and racking you upon its treacherous shores.
You will not be able any longer to have discernment, nor love.
Compassion will fall to the side and you will be haunted by its remembrance.
This is the life that you fight for.
This Is the war on self and soul.
Can you survive?
Make amends today my love,
And open your wings to the heavens.
Drop the skeletons that you believe are yours,
And enter your rightful place.
You are worthy, beautiful and strong.
Time to own your reality.
Set free the prisoner,
The prisoner that is you.
It’s time to claim your life,
Now and forever.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
I WILL FIND YOU.
As I lay under the starriest of starry nights,
my breath being captivated by the sight of shooting stars,
a crescent moon that I can relax into and my thoughts drift into galaxies unknown before me,
I hear the words….
“I will find you.”
A distance call from a time unknown,
a feeling of knowing that it is true,
A certainty that I am cradled in this moment by a love deeper than can be fathomed,
held at the breast of of the center of the universe,
and my breath erupts into a rolling gasm of ecstasy.
Each inhale carries me further into the brilliance of the night,
each inhale I can feel the earth beneath my body,
a pulse coming from her that is intimate, timeless and supportive.
Each exhale is a releasing of my self imposed limitations,
fears and constraints.
The exhale of my physical,
and the acceptance of soul.
“I will find you.”
A celebration of coming home.
A feeling of making love with the universe,
being penetrated by all of time.
My hunger for this deep surrender being met in the arms of my greatest lover,
my heart explodes from the revelation that is being offered,
as the night air wraps itself around me and the dewy grass beneath pulls in further,
asking to suckle on my flesh,
while the call of the wild in the distance beats its drum…
Calling me home.
Home where I am seen.
Where I am heard.
Where I am found.
The words are no longer something to be reminded of,
they are here,
in this moment in this wrinkle in time that I never want to let loose of again.
Here those words are no longer haunting to my soul,
but they are manifest.
I am found,
in the realization that I was never lost.
I have been in the arms of my lover since time began.
He has been cradling me,
witnessing my every move,
and hungering for me to awaken so I can see as he does the mysteries around me,
and feel the heartbeat of the earth,
a pulse that carries me away from the static and chaos of the normalcy of the world that is living in fear of being found.
Has it always been right here?
Just outside the grasp that I thought that I had.
watching me dance when I thought I was stumbling in the darkness,
but could not see the mystery.
” I will find you.”
I hear these words calling from the distance of the furthest star in the nights sky,
comets streak the sky,
carrying with them a timeless saga of our souls code,
the sparks of life that transpire and we never notice,
the moments that we take for granted,
allow to go unseen,
and disregard with little to no respect for the magic that makes up our lives.
We are all angels,
fallen and wounded by the tragedies of our past lives unlived,
and we remain broken winged until we choose to breathe in the mysteries of this universe, the magic that can heal us and carry us back to where we know we are to be,
Where we can each be seen in our magnitude,
our voices can be heard singing from the furthest galaxies unknown and known,
and our vision is pure,
because we are found.
We are in our power.
Our wings are open and expanded just as is our breath.
The only thing that stands between here,
And where we are each witnessed in our greatest beauty, joy and bliss,
is the illusion that we are not worthy.
And to discover our worthiness we must open ourselves to being penetrated by our greatest lover,
we must be willing to expand,
To let go of the constrictive programs and thoughts that chain us to the ground,
we must be willing to put down the fight,
to stop waring within ourselves,
and be willing to know who we are.
Truly who we each are.
Without hesitation or doubt.
We must follow that call,
” I will find you.”
And know that time and space do not exist.
We are eternal,
as is the call that we hear from the distance.
It is forever calling us home,
home to where we have no doubt.
No fear or limitations.
Asking us to let loose of the chains that we carry so that we can feel the expansion and expression of our worthiness here in this lifetime,
in this fleshy existence that allows us to be enwrapped in a lovers arms,
permits us the opportunity to taste of the wonders and beauty that only human life can offer,
but few slow down to embrace and enjoy.
I choose differently.
I choose to open,
here on this dewy grass under the stariest of starry night skies,
with the night breeze dancing through the leaves of trees,
the call of the wild in the distance making itself known.
Here I lay,
taken back by the magic,
the orgasmic rush of the earth’s pulse moving through my veins,
with every inhale I feel the depth of the penetration,
my back arches as though there is string coming from my breast and pulling me up to heaven’s gate,
my body rolls and moves to the instrumental vibrations of hearts meeting in the cosmos,
my eye’s roll back and take in the sky from a different perspective,
and I exhale….
Releasing into the current.
Letting go of time and space.
And allow myself to be taken home.
The words that I am reminded of are no more a reminder,
they are here.
I am here.
In the arms of my greatest lover.
And he takes me.
As I exhale deeper…
Deeper I am carried.
And I am found.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Discover who you are.
Start searching for the life that is before you.
It is time to know your worth and live it.
Claim your life today.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF….
I WERE TO TELL YOU I WANT YOUR SEX…
HIS SEX… HIS SEX… AND HIS…..
That’s a hard pill to swallow no matter if you are a man or a woman hearing it from your partner.
When the one you have invested your life with,
shared so many firsts with,
are doing this thing called life with,
comes to you and says that they desire to explore another,
or a few others.
The first reaction is fear.
The next anger.
And then you question,
“whats wrong with me, why am I not good enough.”
It feels like your partner has just told you that you mean nothing to them.
It feels like they just drove a million swords into your heart,
into your love and happiness.
And you find yourself not trusting.
feeling lonely, jealous and mad AF!
Whether they have acted on the desire of exploring another or not,
Most people struggle with their partners sharing a hunger for anyone but them.
Most feel threatened that their partner would ever even admire someone else.
Let alone say that they may want to explore someone else.
This goes against everything that we have taught since marriage came into play thousands of years ago.
But I tell you this little tidbit of truth in relationships.
No matter if you are in a monogamous or open relationship,
it is crazy stupid to think that all our desire,
all our noticing of others,
all of our attractions end for anyone else on this planet and is to ONLY be directed toward the one that we have sworn our sex too, our hearts too, our lives with.
The belief that desiring another is not healthy is perhaps one of the most toxic beliefs that can fall into a relationship.
It causes shame, guilt and separation in the relationship.
It prevents each party from being truly authentic with self or each other, and it creates a victim mindset.
Think about it,
In our culture that values but does not uphold monogamy we have programmed ourselves to believe everything that is not coming from love.
We say that we unconditionally love someone.
We say that we value honesty and truth above anything.
we say that we want our partner to shine,
to be happy and feel their best.
We claim that freedom is high on our list of desires.
We say that we do not want to own anyone.
And then we do everything in our power to do just the opposite.
And we start by preventing our partner from feeling their truth.
and ourselves as well.
We start by saying that from here forth we are it for each other.
Neither of us will EVER think about, look at or have a desire for anything or anyone outside of this relationship.
And if one of us do,
well we certainly better never admit it,
but if we do have a thought or feeling and it gets seen by the other then that will cause great jealousy and fear.
It will prove that the desiring partner is not to be trusted.
It will prove that the love was not real.
It will prove that there is a lack of commitment.
Here we have some of the greatest lies told to humans in relationships.
THE LIE THAT JEALOUSY IS NORMAL AND IT IS AN INDICATOR OF LOVE.
Jealousy has zero to do with love and everything to do with fear and lack of self-worth. It is about controlling someone else through emotional warfare to hold them in place to where we remain comfortable and feel safe. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity in the one feeling it and has NOTHING to do with actual love.
THE LIE THAT YOU SHOULD MEET YOUR PARTNERS EVERY NEED AND IF YOU DON’T THEN YOU ARE INADEQUATE OR THEY ARE TOO NEEDY.
This is a most unreal expectation placed on all of us in a relationship.
No one will ever be able to meet someone elses every need. No where else in our life experience are we expected to fulfill every need met for any person in our lives, children, friends or work related, we understand that it takes a village to meet all the needs. However when it comes to our sexual/romantic relationships we believe differently.
Here we get trapped in the concept that our partner MUST be our everything. That they must complete us. And if they do not or we cannot for them then we are not good enough or they are not. If we do everything that we can to fulfill every need and fall short then perhaps our partners are too needy, perhaps they want for too much and are even using us or taking us for granted.
When in truth these expectations are simply unreal, causing shame, guilt and feelings of a lack of worthiness or enoughness in one or both parties.
THE IDEA THAT YOUR INSECURITIES ARE YOUR PARTNER’S RESPONSIBILITY TO TIP TOE AROUND AND NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO WORK ON.
We are told that if our partner loves us then they will do everything in their power to not hurt us. To not harm our feelings and that if our feelings get hurt that it is a direct attack from someone who is being selfish and uncaring. We walk into a relationship expecting the other to magically never trigger us into any negative feelings or thoughts and to be able to read our past memories and current moods and thoughts without us having to say anything to them. And when they do not… OMFG! how disrespectful and uncaring.
The blame game is among one of our favorite games to play because it takes our responsibility away from managing ourselves and allows us to manipulate our partners emotions by having them believe that they are so powerful because of the love that we hold for them to make or break us in any given moment. We expect them to change and to grow, to become better so that we can somehow avoid the hassle of ownership of our own mind, hearts and actions. “You made me feel….” ” You should have known…” etc.
The truth is that NO ONE is responsible for our feelings or thoughts. Our hyperactive sensitivity has nothing to with this world or anyone else in it, instead it shows how insecure we are in ourselves about who we are and how we choose to turn over our power consistently in the pursuit to get what we want the most in that moment… control over someone else’s actions, thoughts and feelings. The only person who can ever help us or change us is the person in the mirror and until we fall in love with that person and fully accept them in all their humanness we will never feel secure in the arms of another.
THE BELIEF THAT COMMITMENT IS SYNONYMOUS WITH EXCLUSIVITY.
Commitment = Exclusivity is the common belief. If you desire or need any other romantic/sexual or emotional relationship then you are not committed. Matter a fact you are considered to have commitment fears and issues. This is sort of like saying if you have more than one child you can only be committed to one child and none of the others. There is only so much love to go around. Only so much concern. If you are committed then you should not ever have any curiosity. You should never feel a connection with anyone else.
And if you do, well you are not committed. You are not to be trusted. And certainly do not value the love that you share.
When the truth is that these two are not the same.
To be committed is to be dedicated and loyal to someone.
That does not mean that you have to exclude every other person from your life and all relationships that may trigger your partner.
Commitment is something that is unique by definition to each individual, because loyalty or dedication means something different to each.
Yet in many relationships we believe that once we are with someone that we can no longer have friends of the opposite sex, that we have to be completely different around the opposite sex, and we have to close off our personalities, close down the things that we enjoy and avoid at all cost or risk the perception that we are not committed in our relationship. This also comes back to the concept that we are responsible for our partners’ insecurities.
But it is not true.
THE IDEA THAT YOUR VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND ENERGY THEY SPEND WITH YOU, AND ZERO-SUM COMPETITION WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THEY VALUE IN LIFE – INCLUDING OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.
When we are in a romantic relationship we feel like we need to attach at the hip. After all, this person is our person. This is our best friend, our lover, our life partner. We should want to spend as much time together as possible, right. And if they care, if they really love us then there will be zero competition with anything else in their lives. They will want to be with us more than they want to learn that new skill, or play with their hobby, more than they want to work on themselves or build their career, and they most certainly will ALWAYS choose us over any other relationship.
Just because we are in a romantic relationship does not mean that all of our desire for everything else should go away. It does not mean that we stop wanting to explore and expand alone. It does not mean that we must spend every possible waking moment together nor that we need to experience every first with each other. These are ridiculous, illogical ideas that can not be manifested without killing desire for our partner and creating boredom.
In order for us to crave our partners we must expand as an individual. We must have a life outside of our mate. So often people feel like they have lost themselves, that they don’t know who they are anymore or that their partner does not see them anymore. This all stems from the fact that they prevented the space for growth as an individual and thus lost the magic of the relationship.
THE IDEA THAT BEING OF VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER SHOULD ALWAYS MAKE UP A LARGE PORTION OF HOW YOU VALUE YOURSELF.
You complete me is a common statement that you hear in romantic relationships. The idea of being completed by someone lends to it the concept that because we feel fulfilled by a relationship that if that person ever changes or needs for something else or more that in turn we are not of as much value to them therefore we lose our own self-value because the thing that shows of the evidence of being worthy and valuable/lovable has changed.
This is crazy. Self-worth, love and value should never be sought for or hinge on anything outside of ourselves and our relationship to self and if we believe in God then to God or Source. The outside world and everyone in it just like ourselves are ever changing. We have no control over what occurs outside of ourselves and if we hinge our value on such we will never be strong in who we are or know ourselves. We will never feel safe or be able to trust.
THE IDEA THAT THERE IS A “ONE” OR SOULMATE AND THAT THIS INSURMOUNTABLE LOVE CAN OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLES OR DIFFERENCES.
We buy into the idea that there is only “one” true love and that when we find it that it will be able to conquer all challenges. However, when that does not happen then we feel shortchanged, untrusting and question if love even exists. The reality is that love, any love has its limits because we do not think of love in an unconditional way. We mix love up with need therefore the love that we desire to achieve in our relationships often comes with many hidden expectations as well as feelings of a need to control it out of fear of losing it.
The concept of “the one” is beautiful and brings with it the idea that we are uniquely made just for someone else, meaning that we are indispensable to our partner. However this like so many other toxic beliefs in relationships is illogical. We each are unique no matter what, however if we are so needed by someone else is that love or need that is ruling our relationship and thus heart and with that is there any room for each individual to grow, change or transform as life will do to all of us? There is not under the guise of this belief. Because if we evolve as individuals then we may grow out of certain needs with our soulmate. Thus creating separation and a disconnect if both are not growing singularly as well as a couple.
In truth what we see with “the one” is that we are each “the one” for RIGHT NOW for someone and they for us. And maybe that relationship is romantic, maybe it is not. But what we are to gain from the relationship experience is a greater knowing of self through the experience of another who challenges us, triggers us and calls us forth to become so much more of who we truly are.
These relationship myths and beliefs are an under current to our society. They are put on pedestals in our culture from movies and songs, to paintings and literature. They are focused upon in our spiritual study and ingrained in us from our pastors, family and friends.
All of them lead us to a false concept of love.
Unreal expectations of relationships for self and our partners and separation of self by preventing us from not owning our hearts, our thoughts and feelings, let alone our desires and needs out of fear of losing what we call love that is actually control over another.
No matter the label that you put on your relationship the question that you should ask of yourself and your partner of RIGHT NOW is,
“Can I be me unapologetically and authentically without a fear of losing you because of me being me? “
If you can both answer yes truthfully then you have love and acceptance of self and each other. These are the building blocks to an ever evolving relationship and life.
If not, then you need to ask yourself if sacrificing yourself for your lifetime will ever bring you the happiness and love that you are hoping it will?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about authentic relating and how to develop a relationship based in unconditional love? Reach out to me to learn more about my couples and individual coaching today.
It’s time to realize that you are worthy of a beautiful relationship.
WHEN YOU OPEN YOURSELF, THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL AND SCARY.
But boy is it ever worth it.
And I believe that it is how God intends on each of us to live.
breathing into life,
and allowing ourselves to always lean forward in love no matter what the perception of a situation may be.
How freeing is it to all those we engage with when we enter into a situation from love and from a place of knowing that we can always feel good. It is a choice.
It is a habit to make feeling good our priority in life.
Sure there are those times when shit hits the fan and you feel your heart tugged,
you feel like you may not be able to breathe or even survive from the sheer pain that is moving through you,
but even in these moments where suffering feels inevitable there can still be love,
there can still be joy.
You can align to your inner being and to God and you can lean into the feelings,
into the pain and see it for what it is.
A mask that is blocking our truth.
The truth of who we are and how beautiful we all are when we are open to our true nature.
It is hard to see our beauty or how lovely our lives can be when we are washed over with difficult times,
when our emotions are sharing with us the opposite of anything that feels good.
When we are full of questions, concerns, worry and fear.
When we feel like we have made massive mistakes and that we are “bad people.”
But if we choose in these moments to open ourselves up,
to face those fears,
to stand before our egos illusions and to breathe further into the experience,
to lean further into that, that we fear so deeply,
that has us wanting to run and hide,
and we do it from our innermost spaces,
which are love.
Then we can experience bliss even in the midst of pain.
We can expand further into who we truly are,
and we can stand strong in our knowing of self.
Here there is no fear of getting it wrong.
Here there is no worry of what will be or come,
There is only love.
And love does not feel pain.
Love is not fearful of the moment or the future.
Love does not question if it is right.
Love does not doubt its experience.
Love just is that love,
and love is blissful.
It ignites us.
It is seeing our lives through rose tinted glasses.
It has us hungry to feel deeper and more of it.
Love expands us and has us desiring to share it,
without constraints and restrictions,
there are no rules to love because it just is our purest state of being.
For us to feel this glory however,
we must push past the ego based will and programs of our human state,
where we shackle love,
where we control it and dictate how it is to move and be expressed,
where it is okay to share according to what the world, society and our peeps deem fitting.
As long as we sit back and let this world tell us how to love and what to feel and what is correct or not,
as long as we hold our hearts out in approval from those who do not even feel our hearts,
and ask that they be forgiven for feeling the way that they do,
as though love is a mortal sin,
an evil that cannot or should not be seen,
unless it fits in this tidy little expression of itself,
yes until we let go of these beliefs,
we will never feel our truth.
We will never be able to fully access our highest potential and to live in full expression of our soul.
We will forever be preventing the mystery of God to move through us in its full capability,
because we have not learned how to trust in love.
How to be moved by it,
and how love is the gateway to our truth.
Our power and our wisdom.
It is the aligning agent that we all crave and search for,
but as we feel it empressing itself upon us we fear its power,
thus fear our truth.
We fear the pain of losing love,
but we cannot ever lose it.
When we feel love with another being it is just showing us how beautiful we are.
The feeling of love for another is a mirror reflection of our alignment to our truth, to God and how our inner beings feel about us and this life that we are living.
The masks of the ego are not residing in these moments of truth.
Only our souls are speaking and letting us feel their words through the flutter of our hearts.
Fear and beauty dance in this space of opening up.
We move from ego to soul,
soul to ego.
And the world keeps spinning and sharing its illusions with us.
Our next steps into our truth will only ever be determined by what we choose to focus on,
by what we choose to listen to more.
soul or ego.
beauty or fear.
These are our options.
This is the human experience,
the expansion of our vessels,
the meeting of who we are,
the meeting of our truth.
Lean in and feel the raggedy edge of your ego,
where you will fear your heart but desire to be set free.
And in love.
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
October Asskickery Month is almost upon us.
Are you wanting to make some changes in your life, love or sex?
Want to take action but do not know where to start?
Need a swift kick to get what you want?
Reach out to me about this global opportunity to have that F-ck Yes Life that you are wanting for now.
My heart felt like it was being crushed.
My chest had a weight on it that no matter how I tried to calm my breathing,
no matter the stretching and massaging that I provided my chest,
the pressure and constriction simply would not stop.
There was this low grade level of anxiety rising in my system as I could feel my body fighting with me.
But why was this happening?
I was not fearful of travel.
I was not feeling out of sorts with my lover who was sitting right there with me.
There was nothing that I could consciously come up with in this moment that would support the pain that I was in.
Fast forward a few hours….
We had landed. Gotten our car. And made it to the fauntleroy ferry in West Seattle. I was feeling far calmer now then just a few hours prior in the Uber ride to the airport.
However as soon as our Jeep rolled onto the ferry and we got parked the overwhelming feelings of being crushed and the anxiety made themselves known again.
Breathing deep as I could in the moment I quickly walked myself to the upper deck of the ferry and called my breath as I looked out over the harbor to Vashon Island. The wind encompassed me with the soft smell of sea salt in it,
the waves crashed up against the sides of the ferry, the sun let me feel delicate moments of warmth on the skin that was revealed and here I was in this moment,
There was no reason in this moment to stand here on this ferry and cry,
yet the tears came anyway.
And as they did the release into whatever was holding in my chest and begging me to let it go left with them.
Here on the ferry overlooking the water I surrendered to the unknown.
I let myself go into what logically made no sense.
I was happy.
I was excited to share my love of Washington with my lover for a few days.
I was feeling relaxed until I was not.
And my mind wanted answers.
My mind wanted to become Sherlock Holmes and figure it all out,
make reason for the pain,
and my holding of it.
But my soul and heart understood its truth.
My body and mind had been arguing you could say.
They were not in alignment.
And THAT is what was causing me to suffer.
WIthout realizing it I was not surrendering to the beauty and release of this trip. I was holding onto an old concept,
I was holding onto the version of me who used to live here in Seattle all those years ago and STRUGGLE in life.
who missed so much of the greatness of this place.
Here I was 15 years later, holding onto these fragments of self.
Not letting myself release fully into who I have become.
Who I have grown into being and the life that I have today.
The fear of the old me was actually creating physical pain in the current. The old thought programs and beliefs around money and relationships that I use to try to exist in life were being unmasked in my energy and my current state of who I AM was being asked by my old sabotaging thoughts and ideas to lay down and shut up.
And here was the significant constriction that I was feeling.
The feeling like I could not breathe.
The feeling like my chest was going to explode and my ribs were being broken from the inside out.
The agony in my gut.
And the intense headache that came with it all as my whole being just wanted to flee the idea of this trip I had planned.
I was not surrendering to me.
I was not surrendering to this moment.
I was not surrendering to life or what it was blessing me with.
And I was not surrendering all because of an old concept and old beliefs that were trying to make themselves current.
I was out of alignment.
The issue with my alignment was causing me the pain and the fear.
The only thing that could save me was my own surrender into the depths of the unknown,
into this moment.
into this experience.
into life and what it was offering me.
And as I did so,
the tears streamed down my face,
the wind whipped itself around me,
the waves crashed against the ferry boat,
the sun shone through the clouds and asked to warm my skin,
and I took a deep breath letting it all go.
My world was right again.
My body let go of everything that it was holding,
and it let go of the need to falsely try and control what it could not control.
It let go of this moment in life and allowed the moment to JUST BE.
Without a need to know what was going to come next.
Without the need to hold onto the moment and ask that it never change or leave.
My SOUL was again in the driver’s seat,
and in it I was aligned.
Some would look at moments like this or times that they feel these same constrictions and fears, anxiety and “gut reactions” as signs to turn and go another direction.
and sometimes they can mean just that for sure,
However often they are signs that we are on the tipping edge of everything that we desire to be birthed into our world and our old versions of self are there testing us.
Asking us if we are sure that we truly want everything that we have proclaimed that we do.
Many people at this moment misread what their body, mind and emotions are speaking to them and they turn away from EVERYTHING.
They will say,
“That’s just too risky.”
“I need to see it to believe it.”
“I need to know that this person is as invested as I am.”
” I don’t want to hurt so and so or get hurt.”
“Timing is wrong, I can feel it.”
And they step away from life.
They step away from some of the best moments of living.
They turn away from the experiences that will grow them into that next version and they do it all in the name of “having a feeling.”
They do it based on logic.
They do it because they look at the suffering and pain,
the anxiety as a symbol that THIS IS NOT THE PATH.
When that is not at all what is being said.
Your SOUL is saying this FEAR that you are having right now is here telling you that THIS….
THIS is the perfect path that will transform you into that next beautiful version of who you were born to become.
This fear that you are having is here because you have control issues and life is not for controlling, it is here for you to love and enjoy,
and in your loving and enjoying of each delicate moment and your release into the unknown you BIRTH YOURSELF.
And you BECOME.
But you must SURRENDER.
In the small moments as well as the big ones.
Because the universe/God is not looking at the size of the moments,
but at your ability to be in alignment with SOURCE.
That is the meaning of FAITH.
That is having CERTAINTY that you will always get what you want for and need.
That is how you make MAGICK in your life and THRIVE.
Can you surrender to life?
We are all being asked to do just this.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deets on the Magick Minute.