Giving myself permission to fall in love while in isolation.
Such a beautiful opportunity to come back to self.
To come back to what matters most in this life
and to fully embrace all that I have not yet allowed to manifest.
Can you do the same?
Imagine a world that took this time of solitude,
this time of silence,
this time of moving slower and not rushing here and there,
as an opportunity to fall in love.
To fall in love with SELF first.
To fall in love with all your own little quirks and those things you find fault in.
To fall in love with the things that you find challenging.
To fall in love with your DESIRES.
To fall in love with your hopes and your dreams.
Imagine if you sat with all the things that you think about and made a plan as to what steps you needed to take to open the doorway to you creating the life that you want.
Imagine if you did not JUST THINK about the steps but actually took action on all the ones that you could RIGHT NOW.
Imagine if you looked at the person that you “wish” you could be and that you know that you must become in order to have this life you desire and started to implement just three to five things into your daily practice that would support you fully stepping into this person who calls in those dreams and desires with ease.
Imagine if you took this time to reconnect to YOU.
To step away from the habits that you use to buffer yourself from feeling your truth.
Imagine if you looked past the things that you use to not feel and instead give yourself permission to feel your emotions, all of them.
Imagine if you allowed yourself to do some deep dive inquiry work with yourself to learn who you are right now and what your interests are without the expectations, needs or desires of others.
Imagine if you took some time today and each day to appreciate your body for supporting you the way that it does.
Imagine if you took time each day to connect to the people that you claim matter most to you.
Imagine if you slowed down even more,
and took time without any noise to really appreciate the sky.
The tree’s. The breeze. The sunshine. Nature.
Imagine if you took this time to learn something new.
Imagine if you took this moment that God is offering you and instead of focusing on the fear that the world is stuck in,
Realize your power.
Imagine what your life today could be like.
What your tomorrow would feel and look like.
Imagine with me now, a world of individuals doing just this.
Participating in a mass healing of consciousness.
A mass healing of embodiment.
A mass healing of self-love and appreciation.
A mass healing of community.
Because a better you,
is a better us,
is a better world.
But in order for this to be a real thing,
we each must do our part.
We must stop giving it only lip service and instead take action.
We must move forward with clarity in self.
This is how we turn the chaos into beauty.
But you must do your part, love.
You must know your worth,
know your value to today and to this world.
Knowing that in your actions,
you let your light be shown,
and with each light that ignites the darkness will be replaced with radiance.
We are a chosen people.
We are a people blessed by the hands of the creator.
We are a people that walk in the footsteps of greatness.
And how we progress forward is based on the choices that we each make.
SO if you think you have no power or say in the days and events to come,
You are the power.
You are the choice.
So live today in Self-Love and Awareness.
Dare to do something unique.
Dare to embody the self.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
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I would do anything for love!
But, I won’t do THAT.
Just like the song,
so our relationships unwind.
We have these THINGS in relationship that we refuse to do,
and some with good reason,
some because they are personal boundaries,
some because it is totally self-sacrificial to do and will only create far worse repercussions than saying, “No.”
Relationships are most certainly not about one partner always caving to the other.
It is not about always getting what you want.
Relationships are not about even making you feel happy, safe or comfortable.
Love just an FYI, is not about comfort.
Or getting what we want.
It is about getting what we need.
And when we think about what we need,
it is not that we “need” the other person to act, do, be some specific way for us.
No the “need” that relationship provides, is the support for us to expand and grow into who we truly are as souls.
Therefore, often us getting what we need will feel like a challenge in the relationship.
It will feel uncomfortable.
It will feel testing, scary even and we will feel pushed to breathe into events and moments with our partner.
We will be asked to face our internal structures and inquire,
“Is this true?”
Is this really how I feel or am I living according to societal structures that have been put on me?
Am I leaning into my fear right now? or am I truly coming from my truth?
Love is testing.
Love will require us to have courage.
To have blind faith.
To open the door to trust.
And to evolve our beliefs.
So often though, we address love differently.
We tell our beloveds that we are:
👉Unconditional in our love – when in fact it is built on conditions.
👉That we would do “ANYTHING” for them – when in fact that means anything within my comfort box only, ask me to push myself a little into uncharted waters, well forget about that, I won’t do it.
👉That we want for their happiness no matter the cost – when in fact we require that happiness to fit into the picture that we have painted instead of holding space for what our partner actually needs
👉That we want them to grow, to be empowered, feel safe – when in fact yet again we only want this IF it is how we perceive that to be, NOT PUSHING US OUT OF COMFORT.
👉That we want to support them, help them achieve their dreams and become so much – when in fact even though that sounds great and groovy, we are not willing or understanding that if our partner chooses to grow and be all that, that it will require us as well to step in and do the same if we desire to keep the relationship. If one partner grows and the other does not, then the relationship WILL end.
👉That we want them to heal – I love this one. Over almost two decades I have sat with thousands of couples who proclaim how they desire their partner to heal. How they just want the best life for them, for them to not live in the emotional/psychological and event physical pain/trauma anymore. But when faced with the road it will require to get their partner there, they instead choose to shame, guilt, even abandon and divorce. Proclaiming that they can’t do that. They cannot support that sort of healing and there has to be some other way.
Many years ago,
I had a lovely couple come to me.
I will never forget their consultation…
The man sat there,
so wild eyed and excited about the possibilities that laid before them as a couple.
He spoke of his desire to support his wife to become empowered,
to tap into her feminine energy again as their polarities were out of whack and she was more the man then he,
he excitedly shared how he wanted deep intimacy with her,
how he wanted to have connective sex again,
and have her into it.
He wanted her to have less stress in life and with family and that he wanted the opportunity to support her here as well,
he wanted her to have passion for life,
purpose in something she loved,
and of course he wanted her to be the sexual goddess that he knew was in there.
They signed up for my couple’s coaching and so the process began to “fix” his wife….lol
No such thing as fixing your partner people.
There is only unveiling and that is something only they can do for themselves.
The coaching process is about offering tools and guidance to achieve and support someone in their efforts to rebirth themselves.
Anyway, they became my clients and we started doing the deep awakening work to help them and her get the results that they wanted.
Fast forward 18 months,
I met with the couple and she was now glowing, radiant and happy, laughing and so full of life.
Where once I looked into eyes that were lost, empty and on the cusp of death of soul, with no ability to answer clearly anything or speak her truth,
now sat a woman on fire for life.
I looked at him,
He was still bubbly and happy in appearance.
He was still supporting her,
but he too was different.
He had, had an awakening of his own.
and was still in his desire to assist his beloved to heal and grow,
to come out of her shell, ‘to see her own worth and radiate the beauty that she had,
that he had to take on the mission to become the man that could hold that space for her.
Meaning he had to rebirth himself as well.
He had to face his inner demons head on,
and get real with the fact that he was not good often with what it was being required of him and them to get her to where she was going.
I watched this couple struggle for three years with this birthing process.
They came close a few times to divorce and throwing the towel in.
He weeped to me in session repeatedly about how he just could not support what she was doing.
He swore that it was not okay.
That if she loved him, that she would stop doing these things to him.
And yet, he saw her more radiant than ever before.
He saw her thriving.
But her thriving, (well what it took to get her there) went against almost EVERY cellular belief structure that this man had about life, relationship, marriage, men, women, love,and healing.
Now this couple is a success story,
he stuck it out.
She stuck it out.
They pushed through and each expanded, grew as individuals and challenged themselves to reprogram the beliefs that were holding them back in so many areas.
And today when I check up on them a decade or so later they are deeply in love, happy, connected and have gotten there because they chose LOVE.
They chose each other and they chose to not get stuck in the quicksand of old habits, fears and societal beliefs.
That being said,
This is not the case for most relationships proclaiming that they would do anything for love.
Most relationships are like the Meatloaf song.
They will do anything for love, but they won’t do THAT.
THAT thing that the song speaks of is different for all,
yet the same.
THAT is fear.
THAT is ego.
THAT is getting out of the box of comfort.
THAT is letting go of the concept that controlling our beloveds actions through our fear and not opening up to the possibilities of “What if, or maybe…”
Yes most relationships,
won’t do THAT.
Instead they will finger point,
blame and guilt, shame and play victim.
They will turn things around and say,
“But if YOU loved me then you would not need to do/be/act that way.”
They refuse to let go of past,
they refuse to compromise,
they refuse to just love their partner and trust in them,
and in God/Universe.
Most relationships opt for supporting old patterns of sabotage and trauma.
Supporting their triggers around abandonment,
around need instead of love.
And they try to force their beloveds hand, heart and life back into that comfortable little box that feels so good.
The logical mind in these moments support with tons of evidence as to why you want to keep that box,
it tells us why the growth,
The change is so dangerous.
And so the mission of saving self,
saving themselves from a feeling of discomfort,
turns into war with partner,
guilting and often separation.
My question to you today sweet reader,
is if you would do anything for love,
and you fear that by doing THAT thing that causes your heart to feel like it may stop beating if you do,
but your beloved is asking it of you so they can become full again, healed, and who they really are, so they can find their truth,
if THAT thing in your mind is going to kill the relationship,
but you saying “NO I won’t do that for love” will certainly kill the relationship, or you would rather opt for the death of relationship then doing THAT thing…
Then why not,
I mean let’s just go out on a limb here today….
Why not at least DO THAT THING and see where it takes you?
Worst case scenario is that you land where you were willing to go anyway.
Call me crazy,
but if you truly love and not need the person and the relationship,
then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain in exploring this life a bit and expanding yourself and your relationship through the support of your beloved.
What would you do for love?
stop Existing & Start living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Enjoy these musings and free coaching? Want to level up your relationship? Expand into love and heal your past beliefs that are no longer serving your life?
Message me for deet’s on private and group coaching available world wild today.
So you think you can poly?
You think you can do open relationship?
Right now I have a bunch of couples coming to me with the desire to open their relationship up.
I have a bunch of singles who desire to get into an open relationship as well.
What’s up with all the openness?
I will tell you what’s up with all the openness…
Open relationships are effing amazing!
They are built on an unconditional love and acceptance that most monogamous relationships could only ever dream of.
Open relationships when done right,
are all about each partner giving themselves and each other the permission and support to explore who they really are and to get their needs and desires met how they feel fit without the fear of loosing their primary partner.
Open relationships encourage each partner to truly work on themselves and move through their limiting belief structures,
through their fear based needs and ideas around jealousy and control equalling love.
Open relationships are hardly ever about the sex.
Although sex is a big part of the relationship guidlines and agreements,
sex is never what it is ultimatly about.
And here is why…
Anyone can go get laid pretty easily.
If you are a female,
there is free, easy to get sex around every corner, no matter your age, looks or anything else.
If you are man, yeah it can certainly be a bit harder ( no pun intended..lol- okay maybe intended)
but at the end of the day if you truly desire it and have a bit of confidence then there is a chick who will hand it over pretty easily.
So sex is not difficult to get.
But thats just friction based, empty sex.
There is nothing too it.
No heart, no soul, no connection.
Its just skin rubbing skin ending with a pump, pump ooohhh, goo, moment.
And that is most likely part of the problem in the primary relationship that triggered this whole idea to open the relationship to start.
Heartless, quick, empty, friction based sex on one side or both.
Opening up the relationship is because one partner if not both feels lost in who they are.
They are starving to be seen, felt and understood.
They are hungry for a deep orgasm.
And that deep orgasm can only come about with care,
with some feelings attached to the person they are dancing with.
Or else, its pointless.
It’s empty and in truth sorta traumatizing to the mental and emotional houses.
Opening up is about realizing that not all connection is equal.
Realizing that NO ONE person will ever, or can ever fill all of our needs. That when we are closed that we will live out our lives only meeting one aspect of self as well.
When we open, it is more about us meeting all the facets of who we are, then about getting laid or having an orgasm.
Opening up is about allowing yourself to breathe into self,
to explore different venues of the mind, the emotions, the physical body.
If you have had sex with more than one person in your life,
then you can pause a moment and think about the different ways each partner made you feel. You can think about how you reacted, conversed differently with each person. How each person, taught you new things about life, or revealed different likes or thoughts, even personalities of the self.
This is why people open.
We grow weary and bored with the self.
We become numb to all this beauty we hold in ourselves,
and we forget who we are.
Our candles grow dim and we need someone to strike a match and help light us up again to all the treasure we have within.
A person who lives in fear of loosing their partner prevents themselves and their partner from ever authentically showing up in the relationship or in the sex. Fear creates an energy of neediness,
fear creates a desire to control outcomes,
and a belief that if our partner loved us truly then they would always put us first.
After all we are the primary partner.
We are the significant other.
We are the life mate.
In truth, the relationship that must hold center stage for any person,
is the relationship with self.
And when we choose to disregard the relationship with self,
we close ourselves to all we have to offer this life,
to offer our partner,
our family and friends.
And we slowly die within.
So yes, this may seem like I just said you need to be selfish in relationship and put yourself in front of EVERYONE else,
and I did say that.
You will never be able to fill the needs of those you love if your vessel is empty.
You must put self- care first.
and in open relationship,
this is understood and honored.
We best honor and love our primary partners and all relationships in our lives when we take care of self in all area’s first.
Now, don’t let this statement lead you to believe that open relationship is about partners demanding things left and right without care to anyone else’s feelings or needs.
Only a self- centered person does that.
And self-centeredness and selfishness are vastly different things.
No, in open relationship the partners discuss needs,
discuss ideas on how to best support each other,
and know that in order to remain deeply rooted in each other and keep their relationship primary,
that they MUST set healthy guidelines, boundaries and agreements in place and honor them.
They know the importance of setting aside time for connection daily and weekly with each other,
keeping the relationship that they claim as a primary,
but they do so by honoring themselves as well and speaking their needs and desires. Understanding that sometimes their partner cannot give them what they want or need in that moment.
Yes, open relationship equals difficult, real, raw conversations.
Open relationship means a willingness to see and hear your partners truth and know that you cannot always be the one to support them the way they need.
Open relationship understands that intimacy and vulnerability, truth and answers are not always pleasing or easy to step into.
But that it is what is needed if we truly love someone.
Today I ask you to look at your relationship,
no matter the label you identify with.
I ask you to look at your relationship and ask yourself these simple questions,
“Am I making my primary relationship, primary? And how am I doing this?”
“Am I acting out of fear and control in my relationship, or am I offering authentic unconditional love and support?”
“Do I feel that my partner owes me anything or is responsible for my feelings? If so how is this serving either of us or our relationship?”
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn about opening up in relationship or want to keep it monogamous but practice the conversations and relating skills of an open relationship? Message me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching opportunities.