To The Man Who’s Sleeping With My Wife.

Adobe Stock Photo.
Dear Brother –
I am in joy. I am also scared.
First, thank you.
Thank you for showing up in her life in the way that you have. You’ll be exchanging eye gazes, sweet energy, laughter, meals, and touch with her. I know this will bring her joy. And her joy is my joy. I know it’s hard to believe, but the freedom for her to explore with you is evidence of my unconditional love for her.
To me, true love means wishing for my beloved to be fulfilled in every possible way, even if that fulfillment comes with some emotional work for me.
You see, we men have existed in a double standard narrative for thousands of years. Men have been mostly respected (or at least tolerated) for having more than one lover. Women have been slut-shamed, punished, and even murdered in some countries for loving more than one.
There is a revolution of this narrative taking place and we can join this wave of change together.
Brother, you are something I can never be. You are other. You are her novelty, her adventure. You are not me. When she shares her life story with you (the story I know oh so well) she will have the chance to be mirrored back with a new
curiosity.
And that feels amazing for me to know.
To try to take this experience away from her would be to exercise a conditional love, a selfish love. If exploring new love can bring her immense joy, then who am I to interfere? Conventional love is conditional love. It says… “I love you, except for this one condition: I will not share you for as long as you are with me.”
So I choose unconventional love, which says… “I love you unconditionally, therefore, your joy is my joy, even if that joy does not come from me.”
If you are reading this, then you likely have shown up in my life as a true brother, open-hearted and caring. She wouldn’t have it any other way. You honor the roots she and I have intertwined and the commitments we have made
to each other. Like us, you’ve done the work to transcend most of your conditioned insecurities.
You’ve aligned yourself with the idea that our core human needs (certainty, love, significance, variety, growth and service) are served by the ideal that we all have the capacity to love more than one, if we do so in a conscious way.
She is a divine feminine goddess. She is beautiful inside and out. She lights up any room she walks into. Her heart is enormous. She is committed to her own personal growth and to leaving this world better than she found it.
She is a woman that I am sworn to protect, yet one that I do not possess.
Despite my patriarchal conditioning, keeping all of her goodness to myself would be a sin. I have chosen the path less traveled in that I honor her freedom to radiate out love and take in love, to be seen for all the good that she is, by other than just me. This freedom means more mirrors to mirror back, which leads to more growth, more healing, and more service for her to experience. All of this makes me happy to imagine.
Still, I am scared.
The little boy in me is scared of being abandoned. The high school kid who was dumped by his girlfriend for the star soccer player right before Prom. And the man who lost two big loves to other men on this road less traveled. This is my wounding.
I am keenly aware that there are many wounded men out there who have not been able to show up for women in the ways they need to flourish. I am afraid that someone new may upset all the healing work we’ve done together, or worse, re-wound her. While I don’t know you well (yet) and only time will tell, I trust that everything will unfold the way it’s meant to unfold. I also trust in her judgment.
I persist with this love-style because it remains my deepest truth. I push forward with the faith that there are others out there (hopefully you) who share in our freedom to love more than one for life. Others who no longer wish to exist in a competitive landscape of disposable relationships or a “zero-sum game” where one’s gain is often another’s loss.
Brother, we are not adversaries, nor are we competing for the heart of this woman. You know this. Her heart belongs to no one but her. This goddess, with her free will, gets to choose how to share her space and her time. If you are ever confused, scared, or not fully expressed, please know that you’re in good company. It will always be my intention to uphold a safe container that is full of heart-centered, open, peaceful communication for everyone involved.
So I thank you for the joy. I thank you for coming into her (and my) world, and I ask that we see each other, love each other, and build our brotherhood from our common ground… this beautiful soul. While nothing is expected from you, I do wish to know you, learn from you, and share with you. I look forward to playing together, creating together and exploring all possibilities in friendship.
AND thank you for scaring me.
Thank you for allowing me to do the work I still need to do. I am human and am still shedding the discomforts that we’ve all been conditioned to carry for many generations. It is my mission to release these discomforts and I am grateful to have you (and her) on this journey with me. Thank you in advance for being patient and for being gentle with me.
Treat her well, brother. She is worthy of and will expect nothing but excellent care, high-quality love, and mindful communication. One benefit of our love-style is that no one gets to settle for mediocrity or complacency. We all are motivated to grow each day and show up as the best versions of ourselves.
Lastly, please remember this: your joy is also my joy. Genuinely.
Love,
Your Brother,
* This essay is a companion to my love’s Letter To The Woman Whose Man I’m Sleeping With. Both letters were inspired by the exquisitely vulnerable essay “A Letter To The Women Who Sleep With My Man” by Wilrieke Sophia. Visit https://freelovediaries.com/all-entries/ for more.
Here to serve,
xoxo
Shai Fishman from LEVELED UP LOVE

“I love You. Just As You Are.”

 

Bob Marley once said:

“You may not be her first,

her last, or her only.

 

She loved before she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matters?

 

She’s not perfect—you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh,

cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes,

hold onto her and give her the most you can.

 

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart.

 

So don’t hurt her,

don’t change her,

don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.

 

Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

 

And he was a wise man in his lyrics.

The Jamaican artist who grew up on the concept of One Love,

and to love without fear,

without reservation,

and condition,

spoke the truth in his words about loving a woman,

but his words ring true in general.

 

His words on love are words that we could all gain wisdom from when looking at relationships in general.

 

Can you imagine a world where we spoke our truth.

Where we told our feelings without expectation,

where we related because that is what humans do…

 

Can you imagine a world where love was not based on what you can do for me,

or I for you,

but on the actual feeling of love.

 

Can you imagine a world where love was not captivated and crucified at every upset in the day,

a world where loving each other was normal and not judged or shamed,

can you imagine a world where we each had respect for self,

compassion for self,

love for self,

and thus could freely offer the same to another.

 

Can you imagine a world where saying “I love you” did not bear with it the weight of marriage, commitment of a lifetime, legal documents or looks of concern.

 

Can you imagine being loved just for being you?

 

This is the love that Marley was speaking of.

This is the message that we all need to hear,

 

and this morning as I sit here and am blessed with the words,

 

“I love you.”

 

I feel called to share the importance that they actually hold.

 

I love you is a statement of acceptance.

A statement of respect and care,

 

I love you means that I do not want to control you,

that I appreciate you JUST AS YOU ARE.

 

I love you means that I am not expecting anything in return,

there are no conditions,

there are no rules or obligations,

 

I love you means that I SEE YOU.

 

JUST AS YOU ARE.

 

And when these words are uttered,

they should not hold the reins on our heart,

they should not be spoken in shame or in fear,

but instead be words that frees our soul.

 

I love you means that I love me too.

Because I could not feel this feeling,

pure and authentically,

if you were not mirroring the love that I feel for self.

 

That is what it is a message of.

When we feel deep love for another,

without control or possession of any sort,

without jealousy or fear of losing,

without expectation,

 

we are feeling true love.

 

And true love can only emerge when we feel the same for self.

Others that we feel this radiance for,

ignite the truth of our souls,

allow us to embrace our bigness,

our beauty, and truth.

 

When love is authentic and not based in need,

It is a sign of who we really are.

 

And at our cores,

WE ARE LOVE.

 

We taste it juiciness.

We bathe in its sweetness,

We dance freely in its light,

and we expand within its breath.

 

Without love life is empty.

And with false love,

control masked as such,

we hunger to hold on,

we fear its loss,

we hand over our power to whomever we deem our point of focus,

and lose who we are.

 

To love someone…

 

You may not be the first person to love them,

or the last,

not even the only one.

 

They have loved before,

they will love again,

But if they are loving you now,

What else matters?

 

They are not perfect – you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never have the perfect relationship together, no matter its label,

but if they make you smile and laugh,

cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes,

hold onto that love and give it the most you have.

 

They may not be thinking of you every moment of the day,

but that love will open you to your life,

that love will offer you something special,

something that you must respect, — your truth.

 

So don’t judge and shame your love,

don’t try and change it,

don’t analyze and

don’t expect more than what is shown.

 

Smile when you are happy,

let your feelings be known, even when mad,

let your words and actions be authentic.

 

Love with your whole being when you receive love,

Know that it is available at any moment,

it is your truth,

there is no such thing as perfect,

but there will always be love,

and it is all that matters.

 

How are you penetrating your life,

this world with your love?

 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

 

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

 

It is time that you say YES to you.

 

Join me in a 4 week 1:1 mastermind intensive to learn the 7 keys to creating the life of your dreams no matter the chaos of the world.

 

 

Message me for deet’s now before the special ends on May 3rd, 2020.

So You Think You Can Poly? Why so many monogamous couple’s are turning toward open relationship.

So you think you can poly?
You think you can do open relationship?

Right now I have a bunch of couples coming to me with the desire to open their relationship up.
I have a bunch of singles who desire to get into an open relationship as well.
What’s up with all the openness?

I will tell you what’s up with all the openness…
Open relationships are effing amazing!
They are built on an unconditional love and acceptance that most monogamous relationships could only ever dream of.
Open relationships when done right,
are all about each partner giving themselves and each other the permission and support to explore who they really are and to get their needs and desires met how they feel fit without the fear of loosing their primary partner.
Open relationships encourage each partner to truly work on themselves and move through their limiting belief structures,
through their fear based needs and ideas around jealousy and control equalling love.

Open relationships are hardly ever about the sex.
Although sex is a big part of the relationship guidlines and agreements,
sex is never what it is ultimatly about.
And here is why…

Anyone can go get laid pretty easily.
If you are a female,
there is free, easy to get sex around every corner, no matter your age, looks or anything else.
If you are man, yeah it can certainly be a bit harder ( no pun intended..lol- okay maybe intended)
but at the end of the day if you truly desire it and have a bit of confidence then there is a chick who will hand it over pretty easily.

So sex is not difficult to get.
But thats just friction based, empty sex.
There is nothing too it.
No heart, no soul, no connection.
Its just skin rubbing skin ending with a pump, pump ooohhh, goo, moment.

And that is most likely part of the problem in the primary relationship that triggered this whole idea to open the relationship to start.

Heartless, quick, empty, friction based sex on one side or both.

Opening up the relationship is because one partner if not both feels lost in who they are.
They are starving to be seen, felt and understood.
They are hungry for a deep orgasm.
And that deep orgasm can only come about with care,
with some feelings attached to the person they are dancing with.
Or else, its pointless.
It’s empty and in truth sorta traumatizing to the mental and emotional houses.

Opening up is about realizing that not all connection is equal.
Realizing that NO ONE person will ever, or can ever fill all of our needs. That when we are closed that we will live out our lives only meeting one aspect of self as well.
When we open, it is more about us meeting all the facets of who we are, then about getting laid or having an orgasm.
Opening up is about allowing yourself to breathe into self,
to explore different venues of the mind, the emotions, the physical body.

If you have had sex with more than one person in your life,
then you can pause a moment and think about the different ways each partner made you feel. You can think about how you reacted, conversed differently with each person. How each person, taught you new things about life, or revealed different likes or thoughts, even personalities of the self.

This is why people open.
We grow weary and bored with the self.
We become numb to all this beauty we hold in ourselves,
and we forget who we are.
Our candles grow dim and we need someone to strike a match and help light us up again to all the treasure we have within.

A person who lives in fear of loosing their partner prevents themselves and their partner from ever authentically showing up in the relationship or in the sex. Fear creates an energy of neediness,
fear creates a desire to control outcomes,
and a belief that if our partner loved us truly then they would always put us first.
After all we are the primary partner.
We are the significant other.
We are the life mate.

In truth, the relationship that must hold center stage for any person,
is the relationship with self.
And when we choose to disregard the relationship with self,
we close ourselves to all we have to offer this life,
to offer our partner,
our family and friends.
And we slowly die within.

So yes, this may seem like I just said you need to be selfish in relationship and put yourself in front of EVERYONE else,
and I did say that.
It’s true.
You will never be able to fill the needs of those you love if your vessel is empty.
You must put self- care first.
and in open relationship,
this is understood and honored.
We best honor and love our primary partners and all relationships in our lives when we take care of self in all area’s first.
Now, don’t let this statement lead you to believe that open relationship is about partners demanding things left and right without care to anyone else’s feelings or needs.
Only a self- centered person does that.
And self-centeredness and selfishness are vastly different things.

No, in open relationship the partners discuss needs,
discuss ideas on how to best support each other,
and know that in order to remain deeply rooted in each other and keep their relationship primary,
that they MUST set healthy guidelines, boundaries and agreements in place and honor them.
They know the importance of setting aside time for connection daily and weekly with each other,
keeping the relationship that they claim as a primary,
just that…
PRIMARY FOCUS.
but they do so by honoring themselves as well and speaking their needs and desires. Understanding that sometimes their partner cannot give them what they want or need in that moment.

Yes, open relationship equals difficult, real, raw conversations.
Open relationship means a willingness to see and hear your partners truth and know that you cannot always be the one to support them the way they need.
Open relationship understands that intimacy and vulnerability, truth and answers are not always pleasing or easy to step into.
But that it is what is needed if we truly love someone.
Unconditionally.

Today I ask you to look at your relationship,
no matter the label you identify with.
I ask you to look at your relationship and ask yourself these simple questions,

“Am I making my primary relationship, primary? And how am I doing this?”

“Am I acting out of fear and control in my relationship, or am I offering authentic unconditional love and support?”

“Do I feel that my partner owes me anything or is responsible for my feelings? If so how is this serving either of us or our relationship?”

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn about opening up in relationship or want to keep it monogamous but practice the conversations and relating skills of an open relationship? Message me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching opportunities.

 

I View All My Clients As Lovers.

It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..

It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.

That sex is something I am addicted too even.

Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.

People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”

Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.

The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.

Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.

I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.

I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.

Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.

I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.

Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.

This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.

What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.

Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.

Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.

I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”

Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.

And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.

Be my guest.

What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.

They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
Men.
Women.
Couples.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.

And yes….
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.

I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.

I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
TO THEMSELVES.

I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.

Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.

Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.

More than one?
Yes in deed.

And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
The judge.
The jury.
They have your answer.

But the mirror will never lie.

As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

TO BE SOFT… What Does It Mean To Your Happiness?

TO BE SOFT IS TO BE POWERFUL. – Rupi Kaur
 
Last year I went out with my second oldest child, my daughter Rebekah to get tattoo’s. She had this beautiful quote that she was getting putting on the inside of her arm that her boyfriend had ended a love letter with. It was such lovely, powerful words of encouragement and I could easily understand why she desired to keep them for her lifetime.
 
I love ink. And getting inked is a THING.
If you are into ink, you get it.
If not, oh well, I am sorry.
 
SO I decided that I would get a tattoo as well, but I always want my tattoo’s to have meaning of some sort and I had not given much thought to this moment. There we were driving to the artist discussing what I should do. When Bek says mom,
“To be soft is to be powerful. – This is so you mom.”
 
I was bewildered, I do admit.
I felt like I sucked at being soft.
I felt like soft was scary.
I felt like soft was bad somehow, that I should be ashamed of it even.
I questioned what she meant by this.
And she explained,
“Mom you are always there for us. You always let us see you and you are always working on yourself. You make mistakes and you allow for our mistakes. You are the strongest person.”
 
What she was expressing to me was that I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL LIFE.
 
The good.
The bad.
The painful.
The joy and orgasm.
The sweetness.
The bitterness.
The meh.
The void.
The fear.
The fullness.
 
I feel it all.
And I KNOW the BEAUTY of it, because I allow myself to experience it all.
 
And so, she was correct in her statement and much like her that day, I needed to keep with me the reminder of my power in my FEELS.
 
Through the course of this lifetime,
I have wanted so badly to run and hide from what I was feeling.
I have wanted to mask it,
cover it up and not allow it to be seen by self or others.
And when I did allow it to be seen or felt,
I was shamed of my humanness around my fears, my joy, my pain and void.
Something always seemed amiss in my feeling,
it was this voice in my head,
telling me that I should not be feeling this way.
It was this same voice telling me I was weak, pathetic and hopeless.
That it was this sort of crap that kept me disconnected from people.
That I was too much to handle.
I was broken.
 
 
And so I worked ever so hard to toughen up.
I focused on breathing in my emotions and “building a strong house” to hold them in.
In the belief that by not revealing them,
by holding them,
that I was being emotionally mature.
 
LMAO!!!!!
 
Looking back at this I feel silly.
Sweet in my desire to be mature with my emotions,
strong for the people in my life,
true.
But so wrong in truth,
this way of being,
of living was not LIVING.
It was hiding from life.
It was avoidance of who I was,
it was a shrinking of my heart center,
a closing to the one’s that I love.
It was a hardening or callousing of my ability to connect,
to be seen and to see another.
In this stifling of feeling,
I lost my ability to have intimacy with life, with others and with self.
I SHRUNK as a human.
 
And in this I lost.
I was the BIGGEST looser.
Because all I wanted was the intimacy,
the love,
the connection.
To be received and to hold space for another.
And what I gifted myself with in my “strength of holding my emotions so tight” was to shield LIFE.
 
The end result outside of loss of intimacy and ability to relate, connect and love, let alone be authentically compassionate or forgive self or others,
also led me to a shut down in my allowance to self to open and receive abundance.
 
My lesson in feeling,
was that in order to have my desires manifest in any fashion,
I needed to allow myself to “SOFTEN INTO THE FLOW OF FEELING LIFE.”
 
That my power came from this space,
You see in order for you to be able to KNOW YOUR PATH,
to FEEL what is right and good for YOU,
in order for you to be able to TRUST your judgement on any decision,
You must FEEL Your emotions, your physical reactions, your truth about it.
 
This means that if you are calloused to FEELING LIFE,
you will consistently make wrong choices for YOUR LIFE.
 
And this is not what living is about.
This is just existing.
 
And that is the WHY that you have been questioning.
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
Why does nothing make me happy?
 
Simple….
You are not FEELING LIFE.
 
Want to change this?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching Today and level up your life experience to one of FEELING.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

WHY FAKING IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT IS A BAD IDEA….

WHY FAKING IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT IS A BAD IDEA…
 
A long time ago I remember sitting in a self-growth workshop in Sacramento, California.
I remember my eagerness,
my excitement,
my desire to learn the fundamentals to achieving everything that I wanted to manifest in life and business.
 
And like any young, turned on, impressionable person, I found myself a sponge to everything the speaker had to offer.
I took pages of notes and went home to put my head down and get to work on what I assumed would require a lot of hard work.
 
THE GOAL:
 
$100k a year.
Freedom and flexibility in schedule.
Travel.
Connected relationships and amazing experiences for my family and self.
 
THE REALITY:
 
One broke AF situation.
Exhaustion.
Zero travel except to live with family because at times we could not make ends meet.
Disconnect relationships and fighting.
Fear.
Doubt.
And lots,
and lots of hard work.
Cold calls, paper advertisements, door knocking.
Training’s, meetings, cold prospecting,
a feeling of overwhelm and bondage.
 
Ye I wanted to believer that I could go from here to my desired life.
 
I believed that if I smiled,
pretended and just kept to the hustle that I would have a break through.
 
After all I was building my story.
 
I believed that I needed to work harder.
I needed to apply myself more and figure out the “trick” to getting the client and keeping the client.
 
I believed all of this,
and at the same time my inner voice laughed at me and let me know loud and clear daily that I could believe in myself,
I could speak the words and play the part,
all of it, but under it all was a core foundation of a scared, poor little Northern California girl who had no concept of what abundance in money, time, freedom, love even felt like.
 
That this girl did not know much about herself even.
This girl did not know about connection or even trust that any of it could happen.
 
Matter a fact if I had gotten real with myself back then I would have discovered what I now refer to as “empty desire” because I had nothing in my life experience to support it.
 
What I did have was bills, bad credit, small children and tons of stress. I had frequent fights with my spouse, fear and a deep concern of not making it work.
 
A fear of not succeeding.
 
But I smiled.
I looked pretty.
And from the outside appeared as though I had some seriously good shiz goin’ on.
 
But it was all FAKE AF!
 
Contrary to popular belief “Fake it till you make it,”
simply does not work.
 
It does not work because you cannot FAKE YOUR VIBE.
 
You cannot fake your thinking,
what you are focusing on.
 
You cannot lie to God.
No matter how you dress yourself up,
no matter how big your smile,
no matter how abundant you may appear,
when you are faking it,
your not vibing in authentic abundance.
 
Because if you were vibing in abundance then you would not have to fake it.
 
It just would already be so.
You would see it showing up in your life RIGHT NOW.
And that smile and joy would not be fake.
That gratitude you keep spouting out would be more than words.
Your vibe would truly be turned up and turned on,
not a mask from fear of not succeeding and making all the naysayers correct.
 
If you were not faking it you would not care what everyone who doubts you says or thinks.
 
You would have certainty and confidence that it just was and so it just would be.
 
So how then do you go from this place of frustration, fear, doubt and not having but desperately wanting to authentically have your dreams, goals and desires JUST SHOW THE EFF UP?
 
How do you feel good when you got nothing but debt, anxiety and overwhelm hanging over your head?
 
How do you take yourself to the next level when you feel like your crashing for all the trying that you are doing?
 
Everything your wanting for is a FEELING.
 
And the feeling translates to vibration.
The vibration magnetizes itself to an equal or similar vibration of manifestation.
 
SO the trick that you are looking for is not to fake you outside appearance.
 
Vibration has no care about what name brand your clothes are or what type of car you are driving.
 
Vibration knows you intimately.
It knows your heart – where your desire resides.
And it knows your thoughts – where you do the true work of creating those desires.
 
Those thoughts turn to feelings.
And those feelings are your GPS to achieving with ease and grace your desires.
 
SO the answer,
the answer you are looking for is to NOT FAKE IT!
 
But instead to find good thoughts.
 
No matter how big or small they are,
no matter how general they are,
no matter if they are on the subject of your life you want to create AMAZING in or not,
 
JUST FIND GOOD THOUGHTS.
Find them.
Focus on them.
Feel them.
Take yourself into that,
make it a real feeling.
And watch the magic happen.
 
You got this!
It’s Yours So FEEL IT.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to know how you can have consistent good vibe thoughts an feelings?
 
Let’s chat and get you started on 1:1 elite coaching from anywhere in the world today.
Message me for deet’s.
 
You are worthy of the life you desire.

STOP BEING A YES WHORE.

[jwplayer mediaid=”10519″]

STOP BEING A YES WHORE.

Wow! Kendal that is a harsh statement for a Friday morning.

What do you mean by, “Yes Whore?”

You are guilty beautiful of doing just this.
I am guilty too.
There is not a soul on this planet that has not fallen into the illusion of being a yes whore and believing that it is the road to our happiness.

Every time you say YES to someone and you actually mean NO, you are in an essence whoring yourself out and dishonoring self and the relationship that you are YESSING all over.

Every time that inauthentic YES pops out of your mouth and you find yourself swallowing your own needs, desires, ideas, and value because you feel that you “should” do this or that to be a nice person, to be helpful, to offer support, to show you love, etc. etc.

You sabotage yourself!
You sabotage the relationship.
And you loose respect.

I have been in the business of relationship coaching in one facet or another for two decades now and the one thing that I hear repeatedly is, ” I can’t say no, that would be mean.”

“He is my husband… I love him, I can’t say no.”
“She is so sweet and working so hard, she needs this/needs me… I can’t say no.”
“They are really struggling right now, I can’t say no.”
“They need me.”
“I don’t know how I am going to do it but I can’t say no.”

And following these wonderful words of what seem’s like love and support come…

” I am so exhausted, I just don’t have anything left to give, why can’t they/he/she see that?”

“I just feel like a all people ever want me for is ___________________.”

“You know, I have had it… I have been busting myself open here, doing everything I can, to show how much I care and I ask for one small thing and get told no after everything that I have done.”

“Doesn’t he/she see that I really don’t want to do that/feel like it?

“I would be all alone if I said what I really want or need.”

These and so many other things in so many subjects of our lives.

Just think about all the moments that you actually wanted to respond with NO but opted to say yes because you did not want to hurt the relationship, the other persons feelings or damage your value in the relationship.

Think of all those moments that if you get real with yourself you answered YES because you were answering out of fear and/or lack of self-worth.

Well you see beautiful,
these are the times that you were whoring yourself out.

There is no honor or respect in being out of integrity and not being honest with your answer.

You answered YES in exchange for something that you wanted or needed. You put little value on what is so precious and worth so much in hopes that you could,
if but only for a short time,
buy someones love, time, appreciation,
so that you would feel good.

But the funny thing is,
much like a whore who is just selling off their sex and not looking for anything real, lasting or of value,
you find yourself having to consistently whore yourself out to the point of being used up just to get a taste of what you are actually wanting.
And much like the client of the whore who is trying to fill a void and is just buying the illusion of the intimacy and connection,
you are finding yourself feeling used, abused and alone.

The relationships that you are doing this with are the relationships that you need to GET REAL with yourself on.

If you want to experience true happiness.
If you want to be respected.
If you want to have that soulmate relationship based in love,
if you want to feel supported, safe, understood,
If you want to stop questioning yourself and the relationships that you have,
and just BE YOU-
and THRIVE.

if you want that F-ck YES! Life…

Well is starts by you STOPPING YOURSELF FROM BEING A YES WHORE.

The ONLY person you need to answer YES to ALWAYS….

Is YOU.

And you see, if you answer yes to you 100% of the time,
you will find that you will be living authentically and in integrity.
And guess what that means beautiful?

It means you will gain trust, respect, real love and support.
It means that you will NOT ALWAYS make someone else happy,
that you will respect and love yourself enough to know that you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional response, mental thoughts or even physical actions.
It means that you will no longer be enabling another’s victim mindset in their unconscious maneuver to control you and feel loved themselves.

It means that you will be one step closer to manifesting the life that you are worthy of.

So Stop Being a YES WHORE and Release Yourself from That Which Binds You.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Been thinking about your happiness and success?
Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
Let’s Make it happen beautiful in work, love and life.
Accepting 1:1 applications to work with me for a limited time. 

The Importance of Your Happy Place & Your #1 Friendship

I want you to close your eye’s and imagine yourself not wanting for anything.

Imagine yourself not stressing or worrying about anything that you may currently be focused on in your life.

Can you do that?

Many people have a tough time with this simple exercise.
Many people when I ask them to calm their fears and their thoughts around what they do not have look at me as though I have three heads and state,

” I can’t do that, it must be nice though for those who can.”

Is this what you are feeling at my request as well beautiful?
Or are you among the not so average and ordinary who understand and practice the calming of your hyperactive mind and fears?

If you are like the first option then this message is certainly for you. If you are the latter well this message is still for you and it will serve you well to get some extra reinforcement and confidence in your power.

Earlier today my thirteen year old son Levi came to me sharing his desire to learn meditation as he believes after much research and reading that it is the key to him being able to manifest the things that he wants quicker then what he has been doing and that it will also open him up to divine insight. He told me that it scares him to death to think about doing it because he does not know what he is capable of or what messages from soul will come through to him but he is committed to taking on this practice and exploring it.

How beautiful is that authentic truth share he offered to me today as well as the courage and commitment that he is showing to manifest his desires?

And he is thirteen!
I share this because I want you to know that his simplistic understanding and belief is all any of us ever need.
He is more then accurate in what he is believing around meditation and if he chooses as he states to apply himself with focus to the practice then he will reap rewards that he is not even aware of.

People ask me all the time what I do in a coaching session with someone? What they could expect for results in working with me.

The truth is the results depend on the person not on me.
My role in the scenario is to guide and to share what I KNOW works with application and commitment. How coachable someone is has nothing to with me.

One of the main things that I work with people on is the above. Helping them to realize how powerful their thoughts are and how those thoughts translate to feelings and actions.

You see, often what we do out of comfort in habit and false belief is the VERY THING that HOLDS US BACK from our success in having the life that we want.

If you feel unsettled around getting out of your comfort zone.
If you feel nervous about committing to something that is calling to you at a SOUL or CORE level.
If you get excited but then quickly move yourself into doubt about your abilities, worth, etc to make it happen.
If you find yourself with a million and one great reasons (a.k.a. excuses) as to why you cannot do it at this time.

Then beautiful it is time for you to GET REAL with yourself!
You are scared of your own success.

You are fearing your power.
You are fearing how amazing you really are.
You are terrified at what you can create.

And somewhere inside of you,
YOU KNOW that you can have it all.

But the fear of loosing it,
the fear of stepping up to the plate and owning that life that you want is trapping you.
And you are settling for comfort.
Settling for excuses and reasons.

And you because you are ALLOWING this way of living and being you will continue to have what you have.

It all starts with you finding your happy place.
It all starts with you being able to laugh at yourself and show yourself some compassion.
It all starts with you being able to make friends with yourself.
To find the stillness within and let it wrap its peace and flow around you.

Without this…
STRUGGLE will prevail.

So what do you say beautiful?
Are you ready to claim your life?
Your happiness.
Your joy.
Your pleasure.
Your DREAMS!

I sure AF hope so.

But its starts with YOU GETTING OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE and tapping into your mystery.

Let Go and Let Flow Baby!

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Price is NEVER the Objection – It’s That You Don’t Value It.

Value.
What each of us values is certainly unique to ourselves.
Unique to our life situation.
Unique to our pocket books too. – LOL
 
Today I was out with my six year old son on a birthday date with him. He has been so excited about this date with mommy and he has been planning what he wanted to go get and do. When it came down to today, he woke up and excitedly told me that he wanted to go to Target and get Ryan’s Family Mystery Egg and then Starbucks or lunch out.
 
And so it was.
 
Here we are in Target searching for this mystery egg,
we finally find it, only two left on this shelf of Ryan’s Family toys and then I look at the price….
 
$39.95!!!!
 
For a big plastic egg.
Filled with like six or seven dollar store toys in it???
 
Oh the excitement.
Oh the wonder of what mystery toys my son was getting in this BIG egg.
 
He was so joyous.
Lite up like a Christmas Tree,
the biggest smile you can imagine on a six year old’s face.
 
He had been dreaming of this moment.
“Thank you, Thank you Mom!”
 
Never would I have ever believed that I would search a store and then actually purchase a BIG plastic Easter egg looking thing full of dollar store toys for such a ridiculous price.
 
Now here is the thing folks,
It has NOTHING to do with the price.
 
It has EVERYTHING to do with the VALUE.
 
I looked at the quality of what we were getting,
I looked at the reality that I could get the same or similar things for one tenth the price if I wanted,
and I just simply find zero to no value in this plastic egg.
 
EXCEPT that is…
my son’s JOY.
 
That I value over everything else.
And that is why I bought it.
It was because he desired it so much,
his expression,
his wonder,
his pleasure in RECEIVING.
 
When it comes down to purchases it never is about the money.
Sure we may toss out the objection,
“How much does this cost?”
 
And we may quickly come back with,
“Oh, I cannot afford that!”
 
But money is NEVER the objection.
That is basic sales understanding and marketing knowledge there.
 
We use the price to avoid things.
 
In truth,
whatever we are using price to say no too is simply not valuable enough to us to figure out how to make happen.
 
Now I know you may say that this is not so,
that your situation is different.
That I just don’t understand.
 
And maybe you are the one in a thousand cases that this may not apply too,
but even then I can assure you that if you REALLY valued whatever this was that you are saying no too but did interest you enough to get you to inquire, to search out, to explore,
 
that YOU WOULD FIND A WAY.
 
I have been down to my last few dollars in the bank and committed to a $13,000 coaching intensive that was only six weeks long.
 
I have been homeless, broke and not knowing how to put food on the table and registered for that next level of growth certification,
 
I have been at the end of the cash flow in my bank with only pennies left after my bills and found away to get my a*s to Hawaii for a 10 day Shamanic Retreat.
 
Did I sacrifice other things to make this happen?
 
Yes.
I had to reevaluate what was most important to my over all life picture.
 
I had to look at the long term rewards, not just the immediate lack of comfort or push that I was feeling.
 
I had to COMMIT to something far bigger than the moment.
 
It was a COMMITMENT to the future.
To long term happiness.
To a game changing experience.
To leveling up my life by having FAITH that in my commitment that everything would fall into place.
 
I had to VALUE what was going to expand me.
Bring me joy.
And I had to VALUE MYSELF.
 
No matter what it is that we purchase,
we have to find value in it.
We have to BELIEVE in what we are gaining from it.
If we do not,
then the price is ALWAYS too much.
 
So the next time you go searching for something,
the next time you go investigating something,
or think you want something and then “change your mind or heart” on it,
don’t step away from your truth and say that it’s about the price.
 
Own your TRUTH.
 
“I don’t VALUE this enough to find a way.”
 
This statement keeps you in your personal power and owning where you are at and what you desire and value clear.
 
If you want to be a great manifestor,
if you want to be the BOSS of your life in any fashion,
if you want to have respect,
and be trustworthy,
THEN OWN WHAT YOU VALUE OR NOT.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.
I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.
But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.
Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.
Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.
What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?
You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.
 

On This Ledge I Found Who I Was.

Stepping out on a ledge I found myself.
Sitting on the edge of everything I thought I knew,
but discovered was wrong.
Not true to who I really am or ever was.
Breathing deep into my flesh,
lost in this world of who I thought I was to be,
only to turn a corner as I fall into who I am.

Yes there,
there on this ledge,
this space where there is no room to move.
I found whom I was.
But it was not like this just yesterday.
Yesterday I was still lost in my shame,
I was lost in my judgments and fears of what others expectations were,
I knew not of who I was,
but only of whom I was to be,
for them.

And today,
as I stepped out on this ledge,
I met my truth.
I met my soul,
and I was blessed,
as if overcome by sweet raptures from deep within,
these messages from somewhere out there,
that space that we might perceive to be heaven,
but none know certain of what it is.
Yes, from this space emerged my truth.
It has always been here.

God, has been whispering my name,
whispering to me all that I am to be.
Calling out of my soul,
the music that must be set free.
Yes here on this ledge,
God has spoken.
And I have finally listened.
Not run.
As before,
when I went into hiding,
my soul screaming as I ran.
But today,
today I chose differently.
Today I chose to open my body,
my mind, and my heart.
I chose to be embraced by something more than self could ever realize.

Today I was awakened.
On this ledge as I over looked the woods that stood before me,
I saw not all that blocked my sight,
but instead saw the beauty.
The beauty of all that had been given.
The opportunities that asked to be taken.
The breaths that begged to be breathed,
deep into my soul,
and exhaled into the world.

Yes this ledge.
It has been a pivotal point upon my journey.
As I lean out and breath deep,
I know that it is time,
it is time that I set my shame free,
I set loose all those fears,
and instead turn and step forward as God has been asking.
To not walk another day,
in this misery,
to not remain allowing of such suffering,
but to step,
step forward into his guidance,
and command with certainty all that I am blessed with.
These blessings,
these blessings from somewhere out there.

Cascading down,
over my flesh,
onto my path,
these blessings.
They may only be held,
only retrieved,
when shame,
when judgement and fear,
expectations and doubt,
no longer rule this path that I was walking.
But instead,
looking out over this ledge,
I open my whole body,
I open my whole soul,
and ask to be penetrated deeply,
with faith,
with love,
the deep penetration of spirit.
Yes, embrace me now,
once and forever more.
I open myself to the mysteries,
to the calling,
of my SOUL.

————————————————————————–

I share this after a day of orgasmic rush,
after a day that I felt supported, loved and open, ‘but also met my fear, met my shame, and found hesitation on my path.

I realized today, the many blockages that still remain.
I realized today, the fear that I have been dragging around with me.

Today, I met my old self as I stood in the shoes of my new.
And I realized how certain I had become, of whom I am and all I am to be.

Now I share this poetry,
I share my intimacy,
I share myself with you,
like any given day,
but today I share from a place of deeper understanding.
A place that honors the shame,
honors the fear and the doubt,
and thanks it for all the protection that it has given,
but commands it on it way.
Expansion, growth and certainty.
Faith, compassion and love.
These are the things that take its place.
These are the things I ask you to embrace.

And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grow A*s Believers”

Enjoying all that I share.
Enjoying my provocative thoughts, teaching and concepts?
Want to know how YOU can further step onto your path,
embrace the ledge that you may feel you are on,
learn how to step away from your shame,
your fear and all the expectations of this world?
Explore 1:1 elite coaching today.
Grab your FREE consultation before May 22nd to explore a signature coaching blueprint now and make the commitment to STEP ON YOUR JOURNEY that has been calling you.