I feel sick and I am afraid to show it.
Afraid to speak about needing help.
Afraid to go outside of my home and sneeze.
To have my allergies.
Yes right now is a strange time,
is it not?
It is a time where more people are concerned for their health than ever before.
Shiz we don’t panic like this about getting in our cars and driving some place yet so far in 2020 alone there have been 288,502 automotive deaths in the world.
We don’t stop consuming all the toxins that we know cause cancer do we?
No matter a fact there was a run on the grocery stores for just these items…lol
and yet just so far in 2020 there have been 1,755,279 deaths from cancer.
We don’t run and grab knives out of everyone’s hands that are holding one, or freak out about everyone who is having a bad day and look at them paranoid like they are going to do something even though there have been 229,184 suicides so far in 2020.
And yeah, we stay clear of those who we know have the flu…
and no one wants the flu. – Self included.
But we don’t look at small children in the grocery store who cough or sneeze like they will kill us with their natural human functions, even though there have already been 103,869 deaths from the flu in 2020.
No, we do not feel ashamed of these things.
We just carry on and even inquire if someone needs some tea or groceries bought.
We do not have a run on toilet paper over flu season.
And we do not shun the old and young because of a cold.
Today on planet earth we shame for illness.
We shame for age.
We shame for sneezing and coughing and wheezing.
We shame for watery eyes and clearing the throat.
We look at our friends and neighbors like they have a gun in their hand for offering a hug or a hand up a step.
I got this.
I don’t need “you” to touch me.
Yes my fine fellow humans, ‘we are forgetting our humanness.
We may preach that we love our neighbors,
that we want to help the poor, the old, the ill,
but when it comes down to it…
our animal natures,
our instincts to cast out what we perceive as weak or dangerous offsets it all.
And we SHAME.
This Is how we humans deal with that, that we are not comfortable with.
With that, that we do not understand.
We shame those who have it,
or we assume may.
Forgetting that assumption is often wrong.
Not allowing any logic to lead.
And certainly not allowing our hearts a voice.
For all we hear is the screaming of FEAR.
We are being given an opportunity to grow in this chaos,
we are being given a chance to support and build a world community, where boraders and skin color, religion or sex do not matter.
We are being provided a beautiful opportunity to heal ourselves,
from the inside out.
To change our thinking.
To change how we perceive one another.
To come into alignment with our hearts,
and to show compassion for self and neighbor alike.
And my sweet reader,
I fear we are failing.
I fear that we are allowing our ego’s to rule and thus not evolving,
but instead stepping backward in fear.
There are places around this world,
where windows are open. You can hear the laughter of families and children playing.
You can hear people singing.
And they are places where the heart still remains.
Even though touch and community are limited,
they have found ways to still connect.
They have found ways to de-armour thier fear and transform it to love.
But these places are few and far between.
And if you live in one such as this I speak,
then count your blessings dear reader and send love into this world,
for many other countries are not as such.
For this world to heal,
to find is harmony again,
and for this dark spring to turn to summer once again,
we all must focus on what matters most.
We all must inquire how we are impacting the outcome.
Do we speak and act from fear?
Or do we act from compassion and love?
If it were you that were sick or having the stones of shame cast toward you, how would you feel?
I end this musing today,
with words to remember,
“Let those among you without sin, cast the first stone.”
None of us are without ego.
And none of us have a right to assume.
But we all make our judgements and in doing so,
we create a great separation from truth and ourselves.
We hinder this world and we blind ourselves to love.
Put down your stone in exchange for a smile.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.
Photo Credit to Photographyinwonderland.
The sky was coming down on me.
There I lay,
thrown out on the cold, damp grass…
Staring up into the heavens,
the full moon casting its light down on me as though it was encouraging my breakdown.
I felt the earth beneath my body,
firm and cold to my plea,
my plea of not being enough.
This life that I have created,
this life that I love so deeply,
with all of its souls,
all the adventure,
all of the beauty.
Many days I feel that I am not good enough for this life.
I question why God has been so good to me?
Why do I keep reaping blessings,
why do people share such deep love with me,
Why do they value me so?
Don’t they see…
Don’t they see the human that I am.
The girl who still feels that she is not enough.
That pigeon toed wallflower who is lost in this thing called life?
Don’t they see that I fear myself.
I fear my messages.
I fear the spirit that moves through me,
that provides me such intensity at times.
I fear my heart.
That it may be wrong in its judgement,
it may guide me to loss and pain.
I fear that it was my heart that caused all of the pain,
and I know differently.
I know that the pain,
is all based in my desire to control the outcome of my life.
I know that my heart which speaks from the place of deep understanding of soul,
It does not judge.
It knows it truth,
and it just asks that I listen.
But I find on some days I cannot hear it for all the chaos that this beautiful life of mine has in it.
I cannot make out who I am on some days,
for who I am trying to be for everyone else.
And in this,
I become lost.
Just as you.
I snuggle into my humanness,
and I hold myself strong to the course that my head,
that my ego and all of society would tell me to be right and true.
And then in my final moments,
before I LET GO….
I find myself fighting to not drop to my knees,
to not lean in to this call.
This call that is so overpowering,
so enticing and juicy.
This call that I know if I let it pull me will guide me to all that I have wanted.
But I resist just a moment more.
I harden myself to all that I feel,
I toughen up like I have been told,
and I smile though I want to weep.
I say yes when I should say no.
I resist my truth yet some more.
As though it is helping me.
As though this will make me happy,
and solve my worlds problems.
Oh how funny we humans are.
How silly we are to run from all that we want,
all the while claiming we are pushing toward it.
We can not see our path,
as it lays out with each blind step that we take,
we cannot see it,
but if we learn to LET GO,
we can feel it.
It moves through us,
it moves us with each breath,
and those who choose to drop to their knees,
to lean into the call,
and allow our hearts to be seen,
if only for that flicker in time,
we grasp vision from the heavens above,
and we move.
But what you may not want to see,
is the mess,
the mess of this dropping.
The mess of letting go,
it may appear that one is falling apart,
trembling and lost more than ever before,
but this is a moment of expansion.
And a moment of revealing.
A moment where the heart leads.
There are no breakdowns,
But we must allow them to be seen.
As we allow our hearts the same,
and through this process of shattering,
we transform who we are into who we were born to be.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Feel like you are lost and falling apart at the seams?
Like you have been working so hard for the life that you want,
but it still is not before you.
Let’s chat! Let’s get you cracked open and expanded so that YOU can call it in NOW.
Reach out to me about deet’s on 1:1 coaching and group now.
You wouldn’t do what I did.
Or would you?
Some would believe that they would do it.
Some would state with certainty even that they would.
Others would say well, I would do some of that,
but is all of it really necessary?
And others would simply drop their head and say, ” I wish I had the courage.”
And at the end of the day,
perhaps 1% would actually do what I have done.
And what is this that I am even speaking of?
This is spoken of in many self-growth paths.
Spiritual teachers of all time have told of the importance of becoming self- actualized.
But what does it mean?
Why is it so important?
And how do we go about achieving it?
Self-actualization refers to the achievement of one’s potential while self-realization refers to the achievement of one’s personality.
We must become self-realized to become actualized.
To truly understand ourselves, we must gain a grander scope of our personality. Something that many people today avoid, change to fit in with those around them and even fully abandon so that they can feel accepted. Creating a void within themselves and a distancing from their truth.
We must get right with our personality.
Our true personality that is.
Not the mask we wear.
And once we have done that then we can move forward and work on self-actualized.
Now we can have what would appear to be a successful life from the outside world. We can achieve fortune, family, health and experience. But if it is not achieved from a state of our truth then we will forever feel lost and empty.
Never truly happy.
We will remain in the void of who we were born to be and the potential of our SOUL.
So how do we become self-realized?
In short we have to step out of our comfort of the masks that we wear.
If we are to discover who we truly are we have to STOP being dependent on others for our safety, our happiness, our feeling of connectedness, worthiness, purpose, etc.
We have to start to learn ourselves.
And here is where I confidently state,
You wouldn’t do what I did.
I recall the time frame that I moved into my rebirth of self.
It was a time that my soul decided that I needed to realize who I truly was outside of everything that I had become for the world around me.
And with this I went on a mission to great measures to learn myself.
I knew that if I kept acting, speaking, thinking and doing the way that I had been for this time,
that my life results would never change.
I would remain lost in who I was.
I would continue to feel empty.
I would continue to search.
So I went on a mission of self-discovery.
I dove deep into my shadow lands.
I faced anything that scared the crap out of me.
I genuinely looked at my relationships,
all of them.
I asked if they truly made me happy or if I felt like I was just serving the other people so that I did not get abandoned?
I asked if I was living the life that I truly wanted?
Knowing that I was not.
My family life was not in harmony.
My health was having challenges.
My sex sucked.
My intimate relationship was not even a friendship any longer.
My finances were lacking.
I was struggling in every department.
And ignoring it and thinking that just putting my head down and pushing through was not working any longer.
Instead I was suffocating.
I had to make a change.
I had to know my truth.
And so I pushed my boundaries.
I stepped off the curb of life that I had myself on and I walked with blind faith into the uncharted territory of ME.
In this moment what I discovered was the very fact that I had been guilty of self-abandonment for my entire adult life.
I had fully stepped away from me.
And this was the only step I needed to take to become in alignment to my true personality.
Speak from a place of my authentic YES/NO.
This was the empowerment I was needing.
This was the learning of my true likes/dislikes.
This was where I found my courage.
It was where I realized my own style of genius.
It was the land of ME.
And guess what formed from this space?
Through no longer abandoning myself for others wishes,
for no longer ignoring my truth,
for no longer leaning on others to tell or prove to me that I was lovable, worthy, beautiful, etc. I also tapped into my SOUL.
I danced with divine inspiration,
and the more I allowed myself to just be me,
feel me and do me,
the moree inspired thought came,
and the more inspired action happened,
and the more I felt my full potential being achieved.
Today, I know when I get into phases of my life where I am feeling bored, lost or indifferent that all I am being guided to become aware of is that I have leaned out of this state of self-actualization and that in order to step back into it,
I need just look at where I am looking for the outside world to feed me instead of turning inward and KNOWING MYSELF in the now.
Because we are ever changing.
We are evolving,
and we must not abandon this new version of who we are in this moment just because it presents a different desire, a different view or feeling about life, love, or anything.
By receiving our new version of self,
we put worth on it.
Thus realizing our worthiness for the life that we have and the life that we are creating.
Where have you abandoned yourself?
If you are feeling lost in life, in love or any subject of life, it is time to ask this of yourself and to realize that you soul is requesting you to step out of the comforts of what is no longer serving you and embrace the magic of the unknown.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Reach out to me for 1:1 or group coaching to move into the life that you want and learn how you can once and all be YES to you.
Do you ever have a moment in your life where you find your heart swelling with gratitude and love?
Where you are sitting in a state of awe over how effing blessed you are?
Do you ever just find yourself in tears to the magic that this life has to offer?
I have this frequently.
Just this morning my alarm went off a little after 5-AM.
I stretched, drank some water, went to the bathroom.
I came back to bed, snuggled under my furry blanket and wrapped myself up in my satin sheets.
My hand rested beside me and I felt my lovers erection,
he was sleeping, but his member was awake.
I smiled from within,
as I had a hunger to connect with him.
And so we made sweet love.
Wispers of pleasure,
my body was happy to receive him.
I joked that he needed to get going and shower, and get out the door to work,
but that I first demanded that he take care of me as I grabbed him.
The moment was playful,
it was loving and primal.
It was most of all connective,
and more so connective for me to embody myself then to even connect with him.
I found myself needing him to touch me,
needing him to bring me back to my breath,
needing ME to get present in my own flesh,
with my emotions,
and out of my head.
And this moment blessed me with just that.
Afterward, we kissed and he got me my morning coffee.
I sat in bed, breathed deep into my womb and relaxed my chest.
I found myself feeling so much gratitude for my life,
for the opportunities that I have,
I was grateful for the messes that I need to clean up today,
my home that needs tidied for a 3-day event happening in it this coming weekend,
for my children,
their laughter and joy.
I opened up my facebook and I scrolled through pictures and events that happened over the last eight weeks.
I looked at the travel, the birthdays, the dinners, the family and friends,
the authentic smiles,
I saw the blessings and felt JOY.
I felt INSPIRED to focus on just that and keep manifesting more of what feels so good.
I felt PEACE for where I am,
and EXCITEMENT for the path before me.
I felt GRATITUDE for being in my body and the messages that my SOUL shares through my body.
and I felt COMPASSION for self,
and UNDERSTANDING that I am just human.
This is how we create.
This is how we manifest our lives.
We grow and we manifest through being EMBODIED.
But so often we do not fathom what embodiment means,
let along how to achieve it.
We hide in our heads,
where the clutter and chaos of our fears and worries drown out our truth.
We run from our bodies,
and our emotions,
in belief that they will mislead us,
that they are weak and not to be listened too.
Yet as our world evolves,
science is pointing back to what we call spiritualism,
that crazy mystic shiz,
and it is revealing that thier is so much to the
MIND< BODY<SOUL connection.
That in order for us to truly live to our full capasity and expereince maximum well-being that we MUST embody ourselves and not exclude any aspect of this triad.
It is our ability to connect the dots of this three parts that enable us to be the alchemists of our lives.
When we are lost,
when we are full of anxiety,
our pathway of communication between
MIND<BODY<SOUL is disrupted.
Making it it virtually impossible to make correct life choices for ourselves.
We hinder our selves through disassociation to the body and the emotions.
This disassociation causes us to have life happen to us,
verses us creating the life that we want.
In today’s world there are new sciences being created to study just this MIND<BODY<SOUL connection and the pathways that create the communication needed to achieve our full capacity.
The medical field of bioelectronics was formulated just for this sole purpose.
And in it’s study,
the pathway of the Vagus nerve is a focus.
This is just what I speak of today,
and how I have intuitively created my F-ck Yes! Lifestyle.
Through a consistent practicec of activaing, and paying attention to this communication freeway.
Listening to its messages from SOUL to Body, to mind and acting from this KNOWING space.
You can do the same.
SImple steps and unederstanding,
following the guidance of vagus nerve coaching and practices to live your best life.
It really is.
And YOU can expereince the rewards.
Conscious Focus on Appreciation and Compassion.
Letting go of Control Based Thinking.
Becoming Body Present.
These are the steps.
Get activated now.
How do you support your MIND<BODY<SOUL Connection?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
ANNOUNCING my New Global Group Coaching Program!
5-weeks of intensive yet simple education, strategy and exercises to create your desired life through activation and understanding of the Vagus Nerve.
PM for Pre-Launch interest in Group Vagus Nerve Coaching Program. Learn how to embody and stimulate your vagus nerve in a whole new way.