What's a Sex Coach?

When I tell someone that I’m a sex coach, they generally find it confusing. Often, I will hear, “Oh, so like, you’re a sex therapist?” Well not exactly. “So then, what is it that you actually do?”

Sex coaching has made it to the news a few times recently and I was interviewed for a feature FOX News did on the topic. Yep, FOX News is talking about sex coaching! What progress we are making. Sex coaching has been sensationalized and even poked fun at because there is not a clear understanding of what sex coaches do. I think that’s because of a couple things:

1) Sex coaching is relatively new so many people have no baseline of information about it; and

2) People are really hung up about sex and don’t realize that we actually need to study, learn and be guided in order to be the best lovers and the happiest sexual people we can be.

A sex coach is someone who helps you with your sexual and relationship life so that you can heal your sexuality, fill in gaps in your sexuality education, and be more powerful as a sexual being. Sex coaches deal with sex head-on without any blame, shame, or negative judgment so that clients can talk about the things that are hard to talk about and get out of shame and into pleasure and fulfillment. We work with people who are single and with people in relationships. I work with both!

There are actually many different kinds of sex coaches. What I do is pretty unique and I use a system for coaching that I have developed organically out of the work that I have done with people for years. There are some things that every person who wants to work on their sexuality in a serious way will have to do in order to grow.

Sex coaches act as educators as part of our work because most people have had sub-par sex education. People need to learn the stuff no one ever taught them about sex from someone who knows about sex and isn’t going to pontificate about what they should and shouldn’t be doing. That’s the job of a priest, not a sex coach!

Sex coaching is different from therapy because it’s not focused on healing past wounds as much as it’s about creating your life in the present. So sex coaching can be therapeutic, yet it addresses your specific concerns in a powerful way that can transform your life.

“The Sessions” features Helen Hunt and John Hawkes as a sex surrogate and her disabled client.

Not all sex coaches are created equal. There is no standardized sex coaching training that coaches complete, although there are some programs that train sex coaches in specific types of coaching practices. For instance, some coaches work hands-on with clients. They might sit along side a client and help her learn how to have an orgasm while she masturbates herself. Some coaches lend more than a helping hand. Some practitioners identify as Sexological Body Workers, which is a hands-on approach to helping someone with their blocks and can be very powerful for the right clients. While the focus of my coaching is not this type of hands-on work, I have a lot of respect for it and for how powerfully it can change people’s lives and open them up to pleasure.

I take a holistic approach to sexuality in my coaching practice. I work with my “9 Essential Steps to a Sexually Empowered Life” because I know that sex operates in the context of one’s life, and that context must be worked on—not just what happens with the sex act itself. For this reason, my work also encompasses the relationships you choose to have, your emotional patterns that get in the way, your feelings about your body, the way you deal with sexual shame, and much more.

I know my work is very powerful and creates lasting transformation in my client’s lives. I absolutely love helping women and couples transform how they approach sex, how they love their bodies, how they develop and fulfill desire, how they shift frustrating patterns, and how they have the deeper intimacy and pleasurable relationships they so deserve. It’s an absolute honor to midwife people through a process of coming home to the self and honoring their own deepest desires.

If you or someone you know is interested in sex coaching, feel free to reach out to my team to set up a call and see if it’s right for you. I’d love to help, and if I’m not the right fit, we’ll find someone who is right for what you need.

I think that everyone needs help with their sexuality at some point in their life. The vast majority of people won’t actually seek out support. Will you be the one who will prioritize your sexuality and develop your sexual life? Or will you let it quietly fade away, or leave it alone in its shame to eat away at itself? The choice is yours, and now that you know there are options for you in order to develop your sexuality, I hope you’ll accept one…or two or three!

Here’s to expanding your sexual life in 2013!

By Amy Jo Goddard Original Article Posted at her WEBSITE HERE

The rise of the designer vagina….

 “I’d much prefer that she is comfortable with herself versus being neurotically insecure enough to get surgery.”

–Male response when asked in a survey

Over the course of the last 20 years since I first became sexually active at age 16 I have gone through many a cycle in the understanding and openness of my own body. Early on in life as a small child I was in love with my fleshy body and that of my male childhood friend’s. Both of us would have a blast sneaking off to one of our tree houses or under some bushes somewhere to explore each other’s “private regions.” I was accepting, curious and very eager to explore and be explored. My childhood boyfriend, Curtis, looking back was far more timid at our games then I was. I was always pushing to try to figure things out, asking for him to touch me here, or wanting to touch him there. Playing doctor was one of my favorite games.  As I grew though I developed an insecurity with my body and by the time I was 12 and had my first period I was almost scared of it. I constantly compared myself to my best friend Michelle who was already voluptuous in curves and I felt like I was this tall thin wall. Her body was beautiful in my eye’s and I wanted to look like her( after all she resembled the girls in the magazines my dad read). As time went on I found myself even more uncomfortable in my own skin yet boys were chasing. Even though I adored their attention I remained closed and did not accept any dates while my best friend Michelle was off and having the time of her teen years.

Finally at 15 I met a boy who was a few years older then me and I felt instantly connected to. With him, I longed that he would ask to be  the one to take my virginity, I quivered in each breath of anticipation hoping he would touch me, and desperately wanted that first kiss. Finally the kiss came and with it came months of what I now know was tantric training. After a year of dating and him teaching me that I was beautiful, could trust him, should enjoy my body and love it we finally made love. In this event I found myself birthed into a new reality of my sex energy. I discovered a rapture that I could not fathom before in all my masturbating and fantasies. Still uncomfortable to a degree with my female genitalia, I did slowly learn that it was a glorious event to make love in the sunshine in a field, or a meadow, under a bridge or in daylight in one of our beds. He taught me that being open and connected to myself was powerful and sexy. But, time changes and relationship serve their purpose, our paths were not to stay in this form and we parted ways. After that relationship I found myself shutting down and fearful, almost as though I were regressing to age 12. Even though I was married now and my husband said he loved my pussy and could not get enough of it, I found his hunger for it almost disgusting at times. He would describe how beautiful he found it in looks, taste and smell. He would tell me that I felt incredible wrapped around him. Unfortunately, I did not feel the same way about myself as he did about me. I was out of love within myself and could not see my beauty. It became so bad that I started to even walk pigeon toed, I could not make eye contact with anyone for a significant time and the thought of self pleasuring myself was not even in the same zip code. Even though I stayed sexually active, sex to me was about my duty to my husband, my contract, and keeping my security and family together. Sex was not for pleasure unless I had had too much to drink and needed a good hard fuck.

Detached from my body, disgusted at it matter a fact, I found myself craving a way that I could “fix” this ugly mess of a woman that I had become. After all I had kids and was aging by the day. I would look in the mirror and all I could see were a bunch of flaws. One day, I even took a mirror and looked into the forbidden zone of my pussy. OMFG! things were not the neat and tidy little  package that I recalled from age 6. How did this mess happen? Motherhood! Sex when I did not want it. Lack of vaginal exercises. And my boobs, let’s not even talk about it…

So I made up my mind, I had to have plastic surgery. I mentally fixated on it actually. My husband told me that he loved me and thought I was perfect just the way I was (in my mind, he was lying, he had to say that or he may never get lucky again). However I knew that plastic surgery would not be the only solution and this designer vagina surgery was not even heard of yet, at least not for the everyday woman. I figured that my best bet was to get physically fit, loose the baby weight, tone up, get a tan and then a boob job. In this I was kindly reminded about kegal exercises and vaginal weight-lifting balls. So it became my daily practice and once I reached all my goals I was off to get the finishing touches of “perfect” breasts. Or so I thought…

Years later- I was reawakened to sexual healing practices. Tantra crept back into my life as well as other spiritual practices and some psychology training. I had now developed a strong foundation of understanding about nutrition and the spiritual and psychological training filled my vessel with the knowledge that I needed and opened a pathway to real healing.

Instead of plastic surgery and constant roller coaster diets, depression medications and hopeless physical changes that came from doctors, I found a real cure for this self-disgust and un-comfort in my own flesh. I discovered how to fall in-love with myself again and in doing so I ended up manifesting some pretty incredible lovers into my life that all supported my new love for self.

Unlike before I actually believed and adored the loving comments and even though I really did not need them at this point, I still cherished each word. These men shared with me in great detail how they hungered for me, how wonderful I felt, tasted, smelt. How they wanted more and thought of me when we were apart. They shared that they adored my ability to be open, explorative, playful and confident in my own skin. Every now and then I would feel like maybe I should still get that boob job, so I would test the waters with a lovers reaction and share about how I was talking with someone and breast enhancement came up. I would ask my lover how he felt about it? Over and over again, each lover would say, ” All breasts are beautiful and good. I love them. Yours are perfect I am so glad that they are real, I love kissing and  touching them.”

Bye, bye breast insecurity. Hello breast love.

phone 7111 011-1The same thing is true with the vulva. Any woman who is feeling like her pussy is not as perfect as the porn stars or that she needs to change this part of her body needs to:

  • Get familiar with your pussy (look at it from every angle)
  • Get down and dirty with yourself (make love to yourself, allow your fingers to explore and taste yourself)
  • Get a confidence boost by making love to a partner in the day light
  • Ask your partner to slow down and look at your vulva. Ask your partner to describe what they see.
  • Get a real confidence boost by pleasuring yourself in front of a lover. It is amazing how you will quickly fall in love with yourself when you realize that your partner is getting really heated up by watching you and seeing this part of your being exposed in love and vulnerabilty.
  • Do Tantric Art Therapy to awaken your inner goddess and start your sexual healing
  • Get busy doing your vaginal workouts to strengthen your internal muscles and build confidence
  • Learn or go to a Tantric Coach/Practitioner that help re-establish the proper feeling, blood flow and energy to your vulva and vagina
  • Release stored trauma in your genital areas.
  • Get educated on ancient sexual healing knowledge that can help restore the appearance and feel of your vulva and vagina.

These are a few things that can change your life. Your confidence and love for self. And the best part is that No doctors, knives, or needles are needed. You won’t have a scare that will cause you other forms of insecurity and you will have learned that being authentically you is PERFECT!!!!

–KW

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 The rise of the designer vagina…

Genital surgery is one of the fastest growing areas of plastic surgery Nicola Conville looks at the reasons why demand has increased for labiaplasty surgeries In our quest for perfection and amid a growing obsession with body image, it seems women now have a new part of the anatomy to worry about – our vaginas. Genital plastic surgery is one of the fastest-growing areas in cosmetic surgery, and one of the most popular procedures being requested – mostly by young women – is a labiaplasty. A labiaplasty – or labial rejuvenation – is a procedure whereby the inner labia, or labia minora, get trimmed back so they look more “tucked in”. The surgery is generally done under a local anaesthetic, so the patient is awake while it is being performed. The process takes around 90 minutes and you can walk out of the surgery, returning to normal activities within a few days – except for sex, which you should hold off for four to six weeks.

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The reason for the rise

“There has been a huge surge in the past five years of people looking to get genital surgery, and the vast majority of these are getting a labiaplasty, vaginoplasty (vaginal tightening) or liposuction in the pelvic area or labia,” says Dr Laith Barnouti, a leading Sydney plastic surgeon. Barnouti says that currently around 20 per cent of his clients are coming in for genital surgery. The youngest to date was 14, the oldest in her mid-sixties. A 2010 report also found that the number of clinically necessary procedures   – that is, not solely for cosmetic reasons – performed by private practitioners nearly doubled in recent years. So why are women requesting this procedure? There are a few reasons, says Barnouti, including feeling “socially embarrassed… people can’t wear certain types of bathers, people feel embarrassed in intimate situations”. But the reasons go beyond the aesthetic, he claims. “Labiaplasty and vaginoplasty are often performed due to a medical condition – people actually have it for a functional reason,” Dr Barnouti says. “Labial hypertrophy – enlargement or sagging of the labia – can be unhealthy and unhygienic.” Vaginoplasty, which is usually performed on women who have a weakened perineum after giving birth, is a “restorative, reconstructive procedure”, says Barnouti. “This is something completely different from, say, liposuction, which is a purely cosmetic procedure.”

femalevuvlas

What is normal?

But are women having genital surgery for other reasons – to please a boyfriend perhaps, or because they feel their vagina is not normal? Do women actually hate the appearance of their vulvas so much that they will have parts of them surgically removed? The 2008 UK documentary The Perfect Vagina explored the reasons why women opt for this type of surgery, and found that many do it because they’ve been teased by someone close to them about the way their genitals look, or have just decided their vagina looks abnormal. In the documentary, Professor Linda Cordoza, a leading UK gynaecologist, says while women are much more aware of what’s available in terms of plastic surgery procedures, it doesn’t necessarily mean they know what’s normal. “There’s been a huge trend towards bikini waxing, doing things with your pubic hair as well as the hair on your head. So [women think] if you can have cosmetic surgery done to your face, you can also have cosmetic surgery done on your genitals.” Cordoza says. “I sometimes get two or three generations of women in the same family coming in saying they want their labia trimmed.”

nicentidyvulva

The role of pornography

Our perception of what is normal is most definitely clouded by the proliferation of pornographic images featuring women with smaller, tucked in – and often heavily airbrushed – private parts. As women, we don’t often see vaginas other than our own, so if the only images we see are of highly airbrushed genitals, naturally many of us are going to assume that what we have is “different” or “abnormal”. Melinda Tankard Reist is a media commentator and author of Big Porn Inc and Getting Real – Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls (Spinifex Press). She believes pornography is a big driver in the rise in cosmetic surgery. “Girls are made to feel inadequate and think that there’s something wrong with their perfectly natural, healthy bodies. And boys are expecting girls to provide the porn star experience,” Reist says. Reist adds that it’s important women pass on positive body image messages to their daughters, and that cosmetic surgeons should play their part by refusing to operate on very young women, rather than “capitalising on the body angst of girls”. Barnouti says women contemplating any type of cosmetic surgery should be doing it for themselves, not anyone else. “What we do here is for the patient, not their partner,” Barnouti says. “If you’re going to have a procedure, have it for yourself. Just because someone makes a negative comment doesn’t mean you should change your whole body.”

Labiaplasty – the facts

The procedure: A labiaplasty takes around 90 minutes and patients are usually under twilight sedation – either local anaesthetic or IV sedation – meaning they are awake for the surgery. During the procedure the surgeon removes a wedge-shaped piece of tissue and re-attaches the labium so the inner lips no longer protrude beyond the outer lips. The recovery: Three to four days for normal activities, including going back to work, but avoid exerting yourself physically. You can’t run or jog for two weeks, and no sex for four to six weeks. The stitches used are usually dissolvable. The cost: Labiaplasty costs around $4000 to $5000 if you have private healthcare cover, otherwise you can expect to add another $2000. To be available under Medicare it must be deemed clinically necessary.

Original Post from Body and Soul

The Tormented Devil- Jealousy and Rage

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“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” – Robert A. Heinlein

One of the most feared emotions in relations and yet it seems to run rabid in society and many actually have grown into the belief that this monster is a deeper sign of love for someone when in fact it is an ego statement saying,” I am insecure in myself and untrusting of love in general.” This monster is often the awakener of its side-kick that can not only harm emotionally but also physically. When a person is under the possession of these two, they may feel trapped, chained into an internal world where they are no more than a witness in a prison cell to chaos and torture being inflicted upon their lives and loved ones.

What am I speaking of?

Jealousy & Rage!

According to the dictionary jealousy is:

1. Jealousresentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.

2.Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

3.Vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

4.A jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

For the sake of today’s musing I am going to focus on the second definition of this emotion. Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc. When we look at this definition we see that jealousy is mainly caused out of a lack of being present in the moment or within our relationship. Anytime mental uneasiness comes forth and you find yourself buying into the game of fear you know that you are not dealing with love or spirit. What you have here is nothing more than ego tapping at your mental window and pulling at your past traumas and insecurities to make your heart pound stronger and your gut tighten. If you allow ego to play this movie for you then you will certainly be handing over the reins of your life to a nasty monster that can and most often does destroy relationships.

anger expression and christmas 035Jealousy that leads to rage is not always brought on by the threat of a physical rival in a relationship such as another lover or mate. Often jealousy raises its head over other events such as a spouse who wants more attention from their partner and is jealous over what seems like excess time being spent with the children or a project. It can rise up big time when one partner decides that they want transformation and healing in their life and start to take the steps toward achieving this. In this action the partner who is seeking growth will be changing their personal vibration to life and if their mate does not decide to keep up there will be a pulling apart of energies and the mate that is not growing or is growing at a slower pace will feel a tremendous pull in the energy between them and their partner. This energy will start to act like an ever growing canyon separating the two. When this happens fear strikes and jealousy sets in shortly followed by anger and rage. This is why we see and hear so many tales of horrible relationship break-ups and even physical, emotional and mental abuse happening. These tactics are ego’s attempt to pull the growing partner back into the same vibration as the one who is not wanting to advance in that same direction.

anger expression and christmas 070I can share personally a time of my life that this very act of ego happened. Years ago I was introduced to the spiritual technology of Kabbalah, I fell in love with the teachings and quickly found myself at home within the community. Excited each week to attend my study group, get tutoring from my teacher and connection with my study buddy and mentors I would eagerly get everything on the home front ready and settled, kids school stuff taken care of, dinner, etc. before I would make the mad dash off to my meeting. Under the belief that my partner supported my growth because after many years of being together we had both been big crusaders of personal growth and advancement. Sadly in this particular case my growth was causing a vibrational upheaval and calling forth the darkness that had grown in our relationship and in each of us. My partner was now being faced with insecurities, jealousy and mental uneasiness. Fear had set in and ego was now his master many a night at my return from class. It became so that I would find myself hating the drive home, I did not even want to face the music of his wrath, I dreaded walking through the doors of our home to find him drinking and sulking, giving me the third degree on things and treating me as though we were in a court of law and I was on trial. At this time of my life I could not understand what was happening. I did not know why he was always so upset about my practice, what I was learning and what I was bringing back to share. As my advancement in my studies grew I came slowly to the awareness that our relationship was on VERY rocky ground and I found myself being posed with some hard choices.

Do I keep growing on this spiritual path and pushing forward regardless of anyone’s acceptance or resistance to it? Or, do I succum to his wants and walk away from the Light that I was experiencing from this path and growth?

Looking back on our past, on my path and on what I wanted to manifest in this life I knew that I could not step away from my core desires for growth again like I had done repeatedly in the past. I knew that if I chose to turn my back on my soul that I would most likely throw myself into another dark night of the soul and who knows what might happen, so I pushed forward in hopes that his perspective and feelings would change and even in hope that he might open to this path as well and we could be a team.

anger expression and christmas 037 (1)

Alas, this was not in our cards.

Jealousy ate away at him. Fear kept hold tight and the fires of rage slowly were fed until they one night found the fuel that they had been hoping for and we both found ourselves faced with the dark possession of the soul in physical form.

anger expression and christmas 043“It was late and we had been fighting all night until these wee hours of the morning. The focus was on my commitment to my classes and my lack of time and attentiveness to him. The fear was based on me possibly flirting with other men after my meetings while enjoying a glass of wine with my female study buddy at the hotel bar where (the study class at this time was being held at a local hotel chain in the city). No matter how I tried to assure that there was nothing more going on the fear would not let hold and he by this time had drank enough alcohol that any rational was gone and the soul had officially been suppressed. The final moments of this night of rage ended with me lying down in bed, crying and breathing. In my head I worked through my tools that I had been taught so that ego would not completely destroy my internal world. He paced back and forth as he always did after drinking and getting caught in ego. Bathroom to bedroom. Bedroom to bathroom and back. All the while yelling and dancing in a pity party. His pain body was on fire and I was in his eye responsible for this. I recall begging him to calm down and lower his voice as to not wake our sleeping children. This only caused more outrage. Now he was feeling as though I was controlling him and after screaming that he would speak as loud as he wanted he slammed his fists down on the end of our bed. Pounded his rage into the mattress and then without a moment’s notice the man I had known for many years disappeared into some dark dungeon and this tormented devil flung from the shadows of our bedroom wanting me to feel his pain, his fear, his rage, his loss of control of life and all the insecurities and judgments, lack of love that had been bottled up for perhaps a life time or more. In this moment as I lay there I was no longer another human being, I was not the woman he loved, I was not his friend, I was not the mother of his children, I was nothing but the reason for his pain and fear, something that was controlling him and he HAD to regain control of. Without time for a breath my heart skipped and my body tensed. I could not stop my own fear. My own internal terror. The covers were tossed off of me and he grabbed me harshly. At first I thought that he might just slap me and yell some more. But no, his ego had bigger ideas. My night gown was forced upward, his shorts were dropped and without anything more he forced my legs apart, ignored my begging and pleading he penetrated my body. As he did this I could feel my vulva lips tear from the lack of lubrication, I could feel my heart shut down as my tears cascaded down my cheeks onto the mattress. His hands pressing me down, his breath on my shoulder and cheek. Each thrust of his cock was like a dagger into my heart and soul.

 

Jealousy may have started this war but, rage finished it.

 

anger expression and christmas 044

After the physical event was over, he rolled over and passed out without a word. I lay there crying. Now angry, full of distrust, fear and not understanding how my longing for personal growth and attending a class could cause this sort of reaction. The next morning I wondered what would happen. To my surprise he acted as though nothing happened other then he had drank too much. Time passed, I continued to close myself of intimately and emotionally to him. Months went by and I found myself trapped in a dungeon of my own with my own tormented devil. Should I have fought more? Should I have called the cops on him? Should I bring it up and ask what the hell happened and why, WHY in god’s name would he hurt me like that on so many levels? All I knew was that this action was out of place and that it was slowly tearing me apart. Tearing us apart. The trust I had in him was after this event completely gone. The violation of my being on ALL levels was now the catalyst for me to escape and move forward in whatever fashion I must in order to not feel like this anymore.

 

The rage he felt in that heated moment that one night that forced him into black out and possession of something evil now filled me. The seed of rage had been planted within my womb and its embers lingered in my thoughts. The path of healing personally and for us together had taken a turn for what seemed to be the worse.”

 

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they’re almost almost incompatible: one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil…” – – Robert A. Heinlein

 anger expression and christmas 065

Sadly to say events of this nature happen in over 70% of relationships according to studies done. And even more sadly the “victims” often feel as though it is okay that this sort of violation happened because they blame themselves for perhaps not fulfilling their side of the marital contract, or that they should not be doing what their heart desires and instead focus more on self-sacrifice and doing what their partner wishes. The victims fall into the belief that their partners rage and jealousy is a sign of how much they are loved and that if they themselves would just do and be everything for their partner then theses acts of violence would halt.

To think that we can be everything to our lover or any other person is expecting too much. If we ever look for another to be everything we need and want in a relationship then we are putting unrealistic expectations on those we love and we are increasing our chances of disappointment.  In these sorts of expectations we pull ourselves out of the NOW and we lose our ability to appreciate what we have and cherish the love that resides in our life. Each time we look to another for our happiness we are but only closing ourselves off from the reality that the ONLY person able to make us happy or responsible for our happiness is OURSELVES. As long as we put blame on another for how we are feeling and for our actions we will continue to allow ego to hold the ownership papers on our life.

Make a commitment today to yourself, to your love and your happiness that you will release yourself from the chains of this tormented devil and enjoy a life of freedom. This can only manifest if you learn to remain present in the moment and know that the emotions that you are feeling are coming from within yourself. There is no one responsible for your actions, your feelings, your thoughts other then YOU. And it is up to you to make the decision to act in unconditional love and not let the monstrous face of ego distort your image of reality.

It is up to you to release the chains of this demon that wants to posses your heart and soul!

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Do You Have Gratitude For Your Sex? by Nikki Lundberg

The World English Dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for a gift or favors”.

Yes, gratitude is a feeling, but in my understanding it is so much more.  Gratitude can be an action and an attitude as well.  Now apply this to your sex.  Take a moment, a deep breath, and check in with your gut and your genitals.  When I do this I feel a sense of expansion in my pelvic region.

What do you feel? 

ball and chain of shameNow, reflect on your attitude toward your sex.  I have felt different ways about my sex at different times in my life.  Now is a time for noticing and not judging.  For most of my life and even sometimes nowadays I have not been grateful for my sex.  My desires don’t fit with what I’ve been trained to believe is good and acceptable.  There have been times that my appetite for sex and variety made me feel ashamed.  I’ve gotten very frustrated with myself for not being “normal”.  I’ve resented myself for a seeming inability to be satisfied with “normal”.  I’ve ignored my sex and tried to forget about it so I could be more “normal”.  I’ve settled for lackluster experiences so I wouldn’t hurt my partner.  I’ve compromised what was true for me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the sometimes hard work of getting what I really want.  I’ve felt ashamed for using my sex to manipulate people.  I’ve been self conscious of the way my pussy looked or smelled and of how close it was to my anal area.

How has your attitude toward your sex and sexuality been? 

sex on the brainThink about your actions toward your sex.  My actions have not always shown my gratitude for my sex.  I’ve masturbated hard, even violently, to get it over and done with.  I’ve accepted touch from lovers that didn’t feel good – sometimes even hurt – and done nothing about it.

What have your actions toward your sex been?

5 Ways To Develop Gratitude For Your Sex

My path has been more extreme than some so I will share some of the principles and steps that I have integrated and taken along my journey to being grateful for my sex and sexuality.

  1. Willingness to have a better experience – Without the willingness to experiment and go through the experiences I never would have moved forward with my sexuality.
  2. Developing my relationship with my Higher Power – We have our own definitions of God.  Whether you subscribe to someone else’s definition or have developed your own, find a way to make your sex and sexuality right.
  3. Self reflection – looking inside myself and finding out how I felt about things.  Then, I look at the feeling and see where it’s from – it it’s really from within me or if it is something I feel because I think I should.  Getting honest with myself about what is okay with me and what is not.
  4. Sharing with others in a conscious way – There is a difference between doing something consciously vs. unconsciously.  For much of my life I was unconscious about my sex and when I did wake up about it a little bit I would quickly push it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  I didn’t know how to deal with it.  Now I know that by sharing – verbally, in writing and in person – while staying consciously aware of myself – my feelings, my actions and reactions – I love my sex more and more all the time and part of that love is feeling gratitude.
  5. Experimentation And Education – The more I know the more I know I don’t know.  The learning can go on for infinity just like the expansion of pleasure.  The two – learning and expanding pleasure – also go hand in hand.  The more you know about your sex the more you will be able to enjoy it.

 

READ Original Article Post at Nikki Lundberg

Nikki is is an expert in the field of sex education for adults based out out of Las Vegas NV.

10 Ways Tantra Can Improve Your Health & Relationships

Tantra is a word that is casually thrown around these days, yet many people remain ignorant to the true healing and transformative power of this ancient and sacred art. So what are some tangible benefits of Authentic Tantric Practices? Here are 10 ways in which Authentic Tantra can improve your physical health and intimate relationships!

1) Prolonged sexual pleasure strengthens the immune system by boosting infection fighting cells by 20%
2) Increases mental clarity & focus by stimulating and increasing secretions of the pineal and pituitary glands, thereby positively affecting brain and body chemistry
3) Natural anti-aging remedy, Orgasms revitalize the endocrine glands for more HGH, seratonin, DHEA, and testosterone production. (1.) Because Tantric orgasms are long-lasting and non-degenerative, these positive effects are multiplied.   (DHEA is believed to improve brain function, balance the immune system, help maintain and repair tissue, promote healthy skin, and improve cardiovascular health.)
 4) Frequent and powerful orgasms increase the hormone levels of oxytocin. Oxytocin is linked to personality, passion, social skills, emotional quotient, all of which affect career, marriage, emotional health, and social skills. (2.)
5) Tantric orgasms on a regular basis have the ability to alleviate depression, prolong life-span, strengthen immune system, and improve quality of life.
6) Tantric sexual practices have the ability to correct many sexually related issues for women such as:

  1. Enabling non-orgasmic women to become multi-orgasmic
  2. Enabling women to become sexually expressive and personally empowered.
  3. Freeing emotional energy to use as fuel for life 

7) Tantric sexual practices have the ability to correct many sexually related issues for men such as:

  1. Enabling men to become multi-orgasmic and improve mental focus and energy by retaining vital essences lost through involuntary ejaculation.
  2. Increase physical health, longevity, & vitality
  3. Enabling men to retain long, strong, and powerful erections well into their old age

  8) Can enhance relationships by cultivating a deeper sense of intimacy and connection

  9) Can build and increase trust by regularly practicing communication skills
10) Heal sexual-emotional trauma and blocks to intimacy with orgasmic pleasure!
Article written and posted Originally from Tantric Arts of Love

The Truth About Tantra

Promising physical and spiritual ecstasy, Tantra workshops lure couples who want more from their relationships. But what really goes on?

By Todd Jones

tantriclove

Bill and Susie McKay grew up in the same small Southern town. His father was a military man; hers was a Baptist preacher. Duty was an important word in both of their households, and it applied to just about everything—including sex. “I grew up with the message that sex was a duty that a wife does for her husband,” Bill says. “That didn’t seem quite right, but I didn’t know anything different.”

“For a long time, I hadn’t been happy with our sex life,” Susie chimes in. (Names and some biographical details have been changed to preserve subjects’ privacy.) “We were still pretty much repeating what we did 25 years ago when we were inexperienced kids. It reached a point where there wasn’t much for me to like. Then a friend started telling me about these Tantra workshops. At first I was reluctant, and then one day everything just dropped into place and I knew I wanted to go. I didn’t just want sex, I wanted to connect with both my heart and my second chakra—to have an open heart in a loving, sexual act. And a Tantra seminar seemed like the perfect place to learn.”

In the past, couples like Bill and Susie might have sought to infuse more love and passion into their marriages by consulting a minister, a priest, or a rabbi. In the first half of this century, they might have consulted a psychoanalyst; beginning in the ’60s, they might have made an appointment with a sex therapist armed with the research data of sexologists like William Masters and Virginia Johnson. All those options are still available. But over the last couple of decades an increasing number of Americans and Europeans have turned instead to books, videos, and seminars with such titles as Spiritual Sex, The Art of Sexual Ecstasy, The Love and Ecstasy Training, and Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving. These teachings claim to fuse sex and spirituality in a transcendent mix that can transform sexual relationships into both physical ecstasy and a path to personal growth, liberation, and enlightenment.

Seekers exploring a consciously spiritual approach to sex are not just motivated by sexual dissatisfaction. Many already have fulfilling sex lives, but sense that sex and relationship have the potential to provide them with deeper experiences of connection with each other and with the cosmos. Others embark on a search for sacred sexuality after years of meditation in some Eastern tradition. These traditions offer time-honored methods of achieving spiritual growth and insight, but they offer scant wisdom on the subject of sexuality, since they have historically been practiced mostly by celibate monks and nuns.

The sacred sexuality teachings that have gained popularity over the past 20 years incorporate ideas and techniques from the human potential movement workshops that have been evolving since the ’60s, from pre-modern Taoist and Middle Eastern sexual teachings, from India’s extensive texts on the sexual arts (including the famous Kama Sutra), and from mainstream sex therapy. But, above all, the modern sacred sexuality movement draws its inspiration and techniques from the same ancient spiritual tradition of the Indian subcontinent that spawned most of the practices we now know as hatha yoga—the tradition known as Tantra.

Tantra Comes West

Tantra arrived on the cultural radar of mainstream America in 1989, with the publication of Margot Anand’s The Art of Sexual Ecstasy. But even before Anand’s ascent to the best-seller lists made Tantra a household word, other writers and workshop leaders had been mining Eastern sexual and spiritual techniques and blending them with elements of Western sexology, psychotherapy, and New Age self-transformational techniques. One of the first of these was Charles Muir, a yoga teacher who had been a follower of Swami Satchidananda until he became disillusioned by revelations of Satchidananda’s illicit sexual relations with some devotees. He then spent time as a student of Swami Satyananda, and as a teacher in the tradition of TV yoga guru Richard Hittleman.

After his first marriage, Muir began to reexamine his ways of relating with women, and, as he puts it, “was blessed with the teachings of a number of remarkable women” who initiated him into their knowledge of Tantric sexuality. Muir also started to study the ancient Tantric texts, and began including more and more such teachings in his yoga workshops. By 1980, Muir made a full-time switch from hatha yoga teacher to Tantric sexuality teacher. Two decades later, he and his wife Caroline are still probably the best known teachers of Western Tantra.

On the first night of the Muirs’ weeklong workshop entitled “The Art of Conscious Loving,” at the Rio Caliente spa about an hour outside Guadalajara, Mexico, nine couples gather in a circle. The group seems subdued and a bit tense, with a palpable undercurrent of nervous anticipation.

Tom, a handsome psychologist born to Central American parents but raised mostly in the States, and his partner, a black-haired social worker with a mischievous grin named Leslie, emit a honeymoon glow as they sit entwined around each other. In contrast, Susie’s back is turned like a stiff wall toward Bill, who hunches as though he’s trying to take up as little space as possible. Stan and Liz, an outgoing pair of 67-year-olds from a wealthy Southern California suburb, chatter about their upcoming nuptials—”the second for both of us,” Stan says, “but we’re telling people it’s our first real marriage.” Next to them Anja, a native of Denmark and a healer, and Merle, her American partner, seem the most relaxed pair as they sit quietly with placid, taciturn smiles.

The couples are almost as diverse occupationally as geographically—no blue collar workers, but, for such a small group, a fair slice of middle and upper middle class white America: a retired government bureaucrat now doing volunteer work; several entrepreneurs, an architect, a secretary, a teacher, an accountant, and a disproportionate number of healers of various types—a doctor who specializes in alternative/complementary medicine, the psychologist and the social worker, an art therapist, and four bodyworkers/energy healers. Quite a few turn out to be committed to Eastern spiritual practices. The doctor practices Zen; for several years he attended asesshin, an intensive meditation retreat, for one week out of every two months. Anja started and ran a yoga school for 17 years, closed it to open a school of esoteric energy healing, and finally lived alone in the woods for six years of intense personal spiritual practice. Merle, who runs a bodywork school, has practiced vipassana meditation for several years. Another bodyworker mentions a decade-long association with Yogi Bhajan’s Kundalini Yoga community.

Later, when Charles asks each couple to share what drew them to this Tantra workshop, Anja reports that she was so inspired by a visit to the Tantric temples at Khajuraho, in central India, with their relief carvings of hundreds of ecstatically (and acrobatically) entwined lovers, that she swore to some day find a man with whom she could share Tantra. Now, she says, after 12 years of celibacy, she has. Two participants attended the workshop previously and have returned to share it with a newfound soul mate. On the whole, though, the couples seem quite reluctant to talk publicly about their sexual lives. Yet, traveling from as far away as Hawaii and Denmark and anteing up $3,400 per couple (plus airfare), they have all committed a substantial investment of time, money, and energy to their relationships—and to the exploration of Tantra.

The Muirs begin by contrasting the sexual education—or, more accurately, the lack of it—most Westerners receive to the more respectful, celebratory, and unconflicted attitudes they attribute to ancient Indian culture. With his characteristic humor and earthy language, Charles offers up as fairly representative his teenage tutelage with the leader of a Bronx street gang in the 1950s: “‘Get it hard, get it in, and get it off. Fuck ’em hard and fuck ’em deep.'” Many of us, Charles points out, receive little more information than this about the vast possible joys of sexual loving. “We learn most of what we know about intimacy from those great fonts of wisdom and experience, dear old mom and dad,” Charles says, drawing snorts of rueful laughter from the group. Outside our families, we glean information—often misinformation—from the locker-room talk and slumber party whispers of our peers, and we absorb intensely mixed messages from the adults, religious institutions, and pop culture around us. “How can you not be confused” asks Charles, “when you’re told both ‘Sex is dirty’ and ‘Save it for the one you love?'”

Caroline picks up the thread, pointing out that many of us also approach adult sexuality scarred by childhood and adolescent experience of incest or other sexual abuse. When we finally find partners for our first sexual explorations, often as not we end up with further emotional wounds from fumbling in the dark with lovers as misinformed, ignorant, and scarred as ourselves. “Is it any wonder,” Caroline asks rhetorically, “that many of us don’t really know how to ‘make love?’ We may have learned how to get off, but not how to use sex to make more love in our relationships.”

As models of a healthier attitude, Caroline holds up ancient cultures, especially that of India. She points out that Indians revered sexuality as a holy gift from the creator, regarding sex as both a sacrament and an art form, celebrating it in their art, and teaching its secrets to their children. Sex was used not just to join two lovers, but as a meditation through which the lovers could unite with the divine energy of the universe. “This week,” she says, “we’ll learn how to make sex be sacred again.”

The Yoga of Relationship

Before adjourning for the evening, Charles outlines the three interwoven topics he and Caroline will be teaching throughout the week: increasing energy and pleasure; increasing intimacy; and quieting the mind. “We’ll learn many techniques for increasing the energy and pleasure you can feel in your body,” he says. Many of the techniques will be what he calls White Tantra—practices that can be done individually, like asana, pranayama, repetition of mantras—while others will be Red Tantra—practices that involve joining your energy with a partner’s.

Techniques for fostering intimacy, Charles says, are designed to allow lovers to increase their ability to give and to receive each other’s energy. He adds that workshop participants will discover that they don’t need to learn to do more; they simply need to surrender and allow themselves to be who they naturally are. In the end, says Charles, “Relationship is the ultimate yoga. If you’re in a relationship, it is a yoga, a spiritual pathway. Relationship will bring up every lesson you need to learn.”

All these techniques culminate, he emphasizes, in the quieting of the mind. Instead of habitually using the thinking mind, students will learn to cultivate the mind’s capacity for being completely quiet and receptive. “Ultimately, Tantra is a meditation,” Charles notes. “In fact, orgasm is the only universally shared meditative experience, the one that cuts across all cultures. At the moment of orgasm, you’re not in your thinking brain, you’re in your receptive, being brain; when you’re completely absorbed in the present, you enter into timelessness.”

As the week progresses, some of the information and exercises are explicitly sensual and sexual. Participants are given primers on touch, kissing, and oral sex, on using the breath to intensify and prolong orgasm, on strengthening the pubic-coccygeal muscles to increase sexual pleasure. One session especially directed at the men focuses on a number of methods for delaying (and heightening and lengthening) orgasm. Using hand puppets—an oversized, furry yoni and lingam(respectively, the Sanskrit names for female and male genitalia)—Charles and Caroline demonstrate how to use your hands to delight your partner, how to mutually pleasure each other using a man’s “soft-on” instead of a “hard-on,” and how to bring infinite variety to intercourse by changing the speed, depth, and angle of penetration. Inviting their students to gather around them, the Muirs conduct a graphic (though fully clothed) seminar on sexual positions, complete with detailed demonstrations of how to use pillows to support an aching back, and how to gracefully segue from front to side to back entry positions, and from woman on top to man on top and back again, without ever losing contact and intimacy.

Charles and Caroline also spend just as much time on techniques that are far more esoteric and far less explicitly sexual. Almost every day, they lead the class through a half-hour or more of gentle hatha yoga. The routines wouldn’t pose much physical challenge to any regular practitioner, but that’s not the Muirs’ focus. Instead, as in all the yogic techniques they teach, they emphasize awareness of the subtle energy body and the chakras. All the chakras, Charles says, contain dormant energy, consciousness, and intelligence, and the Tantra techniques he teaches aim to arouse and harness those latent energies. He stresses that the goal in doing these asanas shouldn’t be to achieve any particular stretch or outward form, but instead “to recognize and reconcile yourself with your body just as it is.”

“These asanas are not exercises,” Caroline chimes in, “they are poses: sacred geometries for awakening and becoming aware of energy.” As they lead a simple but well-rounded sequence (standing and balancing poses, side stretches, forward and backward bends), Charles and Caroline direct the participants to support the circuits of energy in the body with the breath: In a forward bend, for instance, students breathe energy up from the feet through the legs and torso and exhale it out through the crown of the head before beginning the cycle again with the feet.

The Muirs also give instruction in pranayama (breathing techniques), ranging from simple, full breaths to more advanced practices, such as using bandhas (energetic “locks”) to contain and heighten energy in the body, or directing energy up to the space between the third eye and crown chakras by using the rapid forced exhalations of “breath of fire” (Kapalabhati). The group intones various bija mantras, sacred “seed syllables” whose vibration is said to awaken each chakra; visualizes yantras, geometric diagrams that serve the same purpose; and practices mudras, potent hand gestures that create specific flows of energy. Along with all these solo yogic techniques, Charles and Caroline direct participants in breathing with a partner. First the class members practice simply coordinating and harmonizing their inhalations and exhalations. They go on to practice reciprocal breathing—in which each breathes in his or her partner’s energy as the partner exhales, and vice versa. Eventually, they use breath to link their bodies together in a circular flow of energy.

Sacred Spot Massage

Although the Muirs present an enormous range of information and lead many exercises, their workshop pivots on the practice they call “sacred spot massage.” In this intimate ritual, conducted by each couple in the privacy of their own room, the man will spend an entire evening in the role of sexual shaman, offering his partner the loving presence and touch that can help heal old wounds and allow her to open more completely into her full sexual power. (Later in the week, the couples reverse roles, with the women giving and the men receiving healing and empowerment.)

According to the Muirs, Tantra believes women’s sexual arousal and orgasm can open them to channel ever increasing amounts of shakti, the basic energy of the universe, which both she and her partner can then tap into. (Men, on the other hand, are said to have a more limited, less renewable store of sexual energy, which is depleted every time they ejaculate. For men, the key is not so much opening up to sexual energy, but instead learning to contain and experience an ever greater degree of energy and ecstasy without dissipating it through ejaculation.) “The knowledge of women’s limitless sexual potential has been lost to our culture,” says Caroline. She and Charles insist not only that all women are endlessly, naturally multiorgasmic, but that all are capable of both explosive clitoral orgasms and deeper, longer, more wavelike vaginal orgasms that can be accompanied by female ejaculation.

A key to fully awakening a woman’s sexuality, the Muirs say, is loving massage of the “sacred spot,” a region of highly sensitive tissue located about two inches up the front wall of the vagina. (In Western sexology, this is the “G-spot,” named for Ernst Grafenberg, the gynecologist who first described it in Western medical literature.) But along with previously unknown pleasures, sacred spot massage can also unleash memories of sexual confusion, repression, pain, and abuse. We don’t just store such memories in our minds, but in our bodies—and especially in the tissues around our second chakra (the genital region), which Tantra regards as the wellspring of our energy. The pain surrounding these memories must be addressed and released, the Muirs believe, before we can experience all the joy of unfettered sexual energy.

The Muirs stress that sacred spot massage should never be undertaken with the goal of orgasmic fireworks. Instead, they say, sacred spot massage should be viewed as a process that invites a couple into ever greater vulnerability, trust, intimacy, and caring. “Orgasms are part of a natural flow of events,” says Charles. “Don’t go after orgasms, but let them be signposts on the road to sexual wholeness.” The Muirs devote hours of instruction to ensure that their students learn how to use sacred spot massage to integrate the emotional experience of loving connection with the passion of sexual arousal.

But once Charles takes the men off for their separate class, he concentrates on preparing them to serve as sexual healers. First, he coaches each man to honor his partner by making the whole evening a feast for her senses: Tidy and decorate the room. Build a fire. Gather flowers. Dress up. Prepare a special treat of food or drink. Draw her a bath. Give her a massage. Then, he urges, tell her the things you appreciate and love most about her. “Don’t hesitate to invite God—whatever meaning that may have for you—into the bedroom,” Charles tells them with a little grin as he sets up his punch line: “It makes for the best threesome!”

Most of all, Charles prepares each man to give his partner concentrated, loving attention—to remain present with whatever emotional experience comes up for her. “Real presence is far more important than physical technique,” he assures the men. “Get out of your head and into your heart. If difficult emotional stuff comes up for her, it’s not just her stuff; it belongs to both of you.” Charles encourages the men to approach the whole evening as a sacred meditation, an exercise in empathy: “Make the evening a peace offering to your woman and to the collective womanhood of humanity, a healing for every woman who’s ever been raped or molested or demeaned in any way.”

Before sending the men and women off for their “homeplay,” Charles offers them some predictions. “For many of you,” he promises, “this will be the most important night of your life. About 25 percent of couples have ecstatic experiences in sacred spot massage; about 25 percent encounter mostly shadow residues of old experiences that need to be released; and the remaining half have a mixed experience.”

In the morning, when the couples reconvene and begin to share their experiences, Anja validates part of Charles’s forecast: “I would say it was the most romantic time in my life, the most happy moment in my life, and now I am so peaceful. I think I am joining with my higher consciousness in a way I’ve never been before, and I know it’s going to influence my work.” (In class, Anja talks mostly of the spiritual effects of the evening, but in later conversation she also mentions “wave after wave of orgasmic energy” that ran through her body for almost two hours.)

Though none of the other women report transports of ecstasy, all the couples tell stories of increased intimacy, of insights and breakthroughs. For the most demonstratively passionate couple in the group, Tom and Leslie, the exciting shift wasn’t in sexual intensity but in emotional vulnerability. “The biggest gift,” says Tom, “was Leslie crying in my arms, which had never happened before.” Many of the men reveled in their role as giver and healer, delighting in pleasing and nurturing their partners; some also enjoyed an unexpected freedom from performance anxiety.

Not that everyone had smooth sailing. For Susie, the sacred spot massage was painful—both physically and emotionally. “When Bill started to massage my sacred spot, it was uncomfortable, and it brought up all my issues. So I cried and screamed and ranted and raved, and then I cried some more. Bill cried too.” Despite her pain, Susie felt “it was still a healing experience. I’m starting to realize that healing doesn’t happen in one fell swoop. Last night I got a piece of healing.” Turning to Bill, she says, “What I really appreciated was that you were there for me.” Looking back at the group, she says firmly, “He was really there the whole time. And I realized that he has been there for me for a long time; I just didn’t see it.”

Beaming back at her, Bill drawls, “I got yelled at all night, and I loved it. I feel a little guilty. I was supposed to be the giver, and I received so much. After a couple of hours, it dawned on me that I didn’t have to try to quiet my mind. It just happened. Of course, the greatest blessing was that last night was the first time in my life I ever felt like a healer.”

True Tantra?

Despite positive reports from participants in workshops like the Muirs’, some scholars and teachers of more traditional Tantric pathways criticize modern, Western interpretations of Tantra as having little in common with Tantra as practiced over the centuries in India, Nepal, and Tibet.

Tantra began to blossom as a distinct movement within both Buddhism and Hinduism around A.D. 500, reaching its fullest flowering 500 to 700 years later. From its very beginning, Tantra has been a radical teaching that challenged religious orthodoxy. Within Hinduism, Tantra stood in contrast to the Vedic practices of the Brahmins (the priestly caste of Indian culture), who presided over a religion of dutifully performed rituals and strict adherence to standards of purity forever out of reach of the lower castes. Within Buddhism, says University of Virginia religious studies professor Miranda Shaw, Tantra “arose outside the powerful Buddhist monasteries as a protest movement initially championed by lay people rather than monks and nuns.”

It’s never been easy to neatly define Tantra, because it encompasses such a huge, varied, and sometimes contradictory range of beliefs and practices. But first and foremost, although it has produced many philosophical texts, Tantra is a collection of practical techniques for achieving liberation or enlightenment. The word “tantra” itself comes from a Sanskrit root that means “to weave or extend.” Tantra’s practitioners have always seen it as a comprehensive system for extending knowledge and wisdom—for realizing that the whole world is a completely interwoven unity.

Second, far more than most strands of Indian spirituality, Tantra accords great respect to women and to the female aspect of divinity. In the Hindu Tantric view, the world constantly arises from the erotic dance and the union of the divine male (Shiva) and the divine female (Shakti), with Shiva providing the necessary seed but Shakti providing the active energy that brings everything into being. (Tantric Buddhism sees the male principle as the more active, but still emphasizes the importance of women and female energy far more than do other forms of Buddhism.)

Third, Tantra functions not just as an enlightenment practice, but also as a system of practical magic. Certain kinds of Tantra place great emphasis on developing supernormal powers—the ability to fly, to materialize objects at will, to disappear or to become enormous, to be in two places at one time. In fact, the same term—siddhi—can mean either “spiritual perfection” or “supernatural power.” Tantra claims to allow its practitioners to understand the way the world is woven together, and these insights are said to give its adepts incredible powers over the physical world, including their own bodies. In Tantra, the body is seen as a microcosm of the whole universe; the divine female energy is present in the individual person as kundalini, the serpent energy that coils at the base of the spine. Much of Tantric practice centers on awakening and channeling this energy.

Thus, where the mainstream of Indian spirituality tends to regard the world as a trap and an illusion, and to lean toward asceticism and a distrust of the body and the pleasures of the senses, Tantra insists that the world is the manifestation of divinity and that all experience is potentially holy. This fourth trait of Tantra is perhaps its crucial characteristic: Rather than regarding the everyday life of the body and its desires as a defilement to be purified and transcended, Tantra regards embodiment as the fortuitous and necessary vehicle for enlightenment.

Tantra’s appreciation for the body made it into an enormous laboratory where generations of yogis experimented with ways to purify their bodies so they could carry the enormous energy of awakened kundalini. According to noted yoga scholar Georg Feuerstein (himself a practitioner of Tibetan Tantric Buddhism), “Hatha yoga grew straight out of the concern in Tantra for creating a transubstantiated body—a body that was totally under the control of the yogi, that he/she could manifest and de-manifest at will, a body that was immortal, like the body Taoist mystics sought to develop.”

Eventually, the focus on purification led much of yoga practice toward asceticism. But much of Tantra headed off in unascetic directions. As you might expect in a magical tradition that sees the cosmos as the constant product of sexual intercourse, the Tantrikas (Tantra practitioners) didn’t just explore sex as a metaphor; they made it a crucial activity in their spiritual path. Viewing all of life as holy, they rejected the traditional Indian tendency to categorize activities and experiences as either pure or impure. The most radical Tantric groups convened their rituals in the charnel grounds, meditating atop corpses, smearing themselves with the ashes of the dead, eating and drinking from cups fashioned from skulls, and indulging in all the activities most condemned by mainstream religion: eating meat and fish, consuming aphrodisiacs, alcohol, and other drugs—and engaging in ritual sexual intercourse as a way of raising and exploring the movement of heightened energies.

It’s true that, as scholars have pointed out, only a small proportion of Tantric texts—less than 10 percent—deal with sexuality; well over half the texts focus on the use of mantras, while others focus on the worship of deities and the creation of visual aids to meditation and magic. In addition, over time more conservative Tantric groups (known as “right-hand Tantra”) minimized the most daring practices, transforming forbidden activities into metaphoric representations of spirituality rather than actual ritual practice. (More radical groups—practitioners of “left-hand Tantra”—tended to remain underground, safe from attacks from the mainstream of Indian culture.) But from the first outraged denunciations by scandalized Brahmins centuries ago, right up through the West’s recent curiosity, outsiders’ fascination with Tantra has always focused on sex.

It’s Not Just Sex

Feuerstein believes that Neo-Tantra—his term for Western versions of Tantra that focus on sex and relationship—”can do a great deal of good for people who have been raised in an atmosphere that represses and denigrates pleasure,” and that “it provides meaning and hope for some of those who have outgrown guilt-ridden puritanism and conventional sexuality.” However, he expresses concern that many teachers of Neo-Tantra have neither studied Tantric texts enough to understand the tradition clearly nor received “proper initiation by a competent Tantric guru.”

Although ancient texts are chock-full of dire warnings of Tantra’s risks, Feuerstein doesn’t believe gaps in Western Tantra teachers’ education place students in any serious danger. “Unless you are instructed by a true guru—in other words, a teacher who has succeeded in raising his or her own shakti—you aren’t likely to raise dangerous energies that could unbalance you physically or mentally,” he says.

But Feuerstein does fear that Neo-Tantra practitioners can easily get caught up in egoistic motivations, rather than learning to transcend the ego. He claims that in more traditional Indian Tantra, adepts never started by opening the second chakra—the sexual center—but by opening the fourth chakra (the heart) or the sixth chakra (the third eye, seat of intuitive wisdom). “Only when the guru was sure the adept had established pure intention and strong control of energy was the enormous power of sexuality invoked,” he says, adding that perhaps the greatest danger of Neo-Tantra is that practitioners will fool themselves into thinking they’re having “spiritual” experiences when all they’re doing is enjoying a blast of increased prana (life energy). Feuerstein fears that by confusing physical pleasure with spiritual bliss, many Neo-Tantra practitioners may miss out on the deepest rewards of Tantra—the ecstasy of union with all Being.

Rod Stryker, a teacher of right-hand Tantra who studied with Tantra master Yogiraj Mani Finger and is also an initiate in the tradition of Tantric master Sri Vidya, echoes many of Feuerstein’s concerns about contemporary Western Tantra. “As a yoga teacher,” says Stryker, “I’ve worked with a lot of people—essentially, I’ve treated a lot of people—who were deeply scarred by the experience of trying to direct sexuality, cloaked as Tantra, as a tool of enlightenment.”

According to Stryker, maithuna—the sexual techniques of Tantra’s left-hand path—were traditionally regarded as catalysts to awaken psychic energy, so powerful that some schools even regarded them as shortcuts past more basic techniques like asana and pranayama. But right-hand paths, says Stryker, never saw sexual techniques as substitutes for the gradual, progressive use of asana, pranayama, and meditation. “The danger is that if someone’s nadis [the body’s energy channels] are not as open and clear as possible, the sexual techniques can create psychic turbulence and have a dis-integrating effect,” Stryker says. “It’s very likely,” he notes, “that people who go do a Tantra weekend have done very little of the foundational work of asana and pranayama. They may experience a lot of energy moving, but if they are neurotic and they start to awaken vital energy, they can wind up empowering their neuroses.”

Like Feuerstein, Stryker stresses the difference between pleasure and bliss and the need for a guru. He points out that the approach to Tantra he has been taught delineates three distinct stages of ecstasy—physical, psychic, and spiritual. Only in the second stage of ecstasy does a seeker achieve not just heightened sensory awareness, but also the necessary energy to change his or her life to align with an awareness of spirit. (In the third stage, once the seeker has awakened the state of consciousness associated with each chakra and can apply the appropriate state to any situation, ecstasy becomes constant.) Without the guidance of an experienced Tantric guru, Stryker fears, students may get stuck at this first stage.

Stryker suggests any Tantra student should examine their teachers with two questions in mind: “To what extent do the teachings live within the teacher and in their relationships? And to what extent do the teachings live in the lives of this teacher’s students?” Whether or not Western Tantra teachers are equipped to be full-fledged gurus, says Stryker, he hopes they at least educate their students to realize that physical ecstasy is only a fraction of the gifts of Tantra.

Whatever the limitation or perils of Tantra as it’s now being adapted for Western consumption, its advocates are passionate about its ability to change lives—and, by extension, to change the world. Margot Anand, for one, says, “Once you’ve opened your five senses, once you’ve brought all the levels of yourself into engagement with life, you may find yourself transformed. You may never be willing to go back to a life that doesn’t leave room for your creativity, your playfulness, your capacity for joy.” And Charles and Caroline Muir urge workshop participants to consider that they’re not doing this work just for their own benefit, but also so they can bequeath a saner, healthier sexual legacy to their children and grandchildren.

In answer to criticisms from more traditional Tantrikas, Charles insists that the Tantra he and Caroline teach is in the spirit of ancient practices, even if its outer form is different.

“We seek to awaken and integrate the dormant energy of the chakras,” he says, “just as they did in ancient India.” Explaining his adaptations, Muir claims “You don’t need all the trappings of Indian culture and philosophy to experience the benefits of Tantra.”

Muir readily admits that modern Western Tantra may not look much like its ancient antecedents. But, citing the enormous historical variety of Tantra practices, he points out that “like yoga, Tantra has been born again and again, age to age, based on people’s needs at the time.” His version of Tantra, he thinks, addresses major needs of our current place and time: restoring proper reverence for women and the feminine; finding an appropriate, beneficial outlet for male “warrior” energy; and healing the rift between men and women.

On the last morning of the workshop at Rio Caliente, as the participants gather to share their thoughts on the week, no one seems especially concerned with whether or not they’re on their way to enlightenment. They’re too busy basking in the benefits the week has brought them. In contrast with the first evening of the workshop, all the couples snuggle together, some holding hands, some smiling into each other’s eyes, some just sitting in a relaxed, companionable silence.

“I got all I had dreamed might be possible, and more,” says Merle. (Unable to resist the joke, someone ad-libs, “Plenty of bang for the buck, huh?”) Merle’s partner Anja, who had described the sacred spot massage as the happiest moment of her life, says the workshop renewed her commitment to the hatha yoga practice she’d dropped years before, and several other participants echo her determination to continue with yoga after returning home.

The workshop seems to have inspired many of the participants to eloquence. Stan, the 67-year-old grandfather and fiancé, reads a poem of appreciation for his partner that leaves almost everyone in tears. Matthew, the Zen-practicing doctor, says he sees all the workshop participants as “a vast, beautiful, green healing field of love,” with Charles and Caroline as the cultivators. And his partner Amy vows that she now knows “Nothing is more important than learning how to love each other better.”

When Bill’s turn comes, his characteristic directness lends the simple poetry of economy to his words. “This week,” he says, “tore down walls it took Susie and me 25 years to build.” Looking at the pair as they sit with their legs entwined, occasionally stealing glances at each other like shy teenagers just discovering love, Caroline quips, “OK, you two win the Most Improved Campers award.” As the laughter dies down, Susie says, “I’ve been on a healing journey for a long time, and I often thought I would have to leave Bill behind. This week I discovered I have a partner in healing.”

Article First Posted on Yoga Journal

Which is the Relationship of Your Dreams?

Are you willing to do what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams?

There are essentially 3 kinds of relationships: Traditional, Conscious, and Transcendent.  Each serves it’s own purpose.  Take a look at the descriptions below and ask yourself what kind of relationship you’re in and what kind of relationship you would like to be in.  Remember, some people can’t or don’t want to do the necessary work too get to the next level.  Are you willing to do what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams?
Wedding2LEVEL 1: TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP
This is the most familiar dynamic found in traditional marriages and relationships.  The focus is on shared interests and values rather than personal growth.  In Traditional Relationships neither person has done the necessary psychological or spiritual work to bond either with themselves or another.  This means that the couple connects at the personality rather than the emotional and spiritual levels.  When two people relate from the personality or “I” level, the individual’s focus remains on him or herself rather than on the other.  Each person is primarily focused on getting his or her own needs met which prevents the “we” of the relationship from forming.  As a result these relationships often become stagnant and power struggles occur frequently.  To remain together, partners in Traditional Relationships avoid looking at key issues, pretending they don’t exist.  Many couples feel safe and secure in a Traditional Relationship.  It is all they ever want or need and they can remain at this level forever.  These couples will not naturally progress to the next two levels of relationship.  Traditional Relationships end when one partner embarks on his or her psychospiritual journey and it becomes impossible to continue growing while remaining in the relationship.

 

bewithsomeoneLEVEL 2: CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP
When soul mates come together they join in Conscious Relationship.   Soul mates are those who relate from the soul level.  Though many seek a soul mate, the requirement for this kind of relationship is that both people must have done some psychological and spiritual work prior to meeting in order to relate soul to soul.  In Conscious Relationships the focus is on emotional and spiritual growth both as individuals and as a couple.  Those in Conscious Relationships are engaged in learning lessons.  Their goal is to transcend the physical and emotional levels to the spiritual plane.   As they actively work through issues together, Conscious Couples are increasingly able to lean in and trust one another to create the “we” of the relationship.  One of the great challenges of Conscious Relationships is that they are transitioning from an I-based to a we-based relationship as they learn not only to work on their own individual issues but also as they learn to apply what they learn to the relationship as a whole.  As this happens, power struggles occur.  Though profound, Conscious Relationships but do not necessarily last forever.  They might end when both partners are no longer able to grow together or when one person does not meet the other person’s Essential Needs.  Just because people are Conscious Partners does not mean that they can automatically fulfill the other person’s requirements.  Reaching the level of Conscious Partnership is a significant accomplishment and can lead to nourishing and lasting relationship.
526990_275859732522705_1737236878_nLEVEL 3: TRANSCENDENT RELATIONSHIP
Not everyone wants to do the work to reach this third.  Transcendent Partners love one another unconditionally.  They are “guardians of each others souls.”  Because Transcendent Partners have mastered the art of taking personal responsibility, they generate their identity, happiness and emotional stability from within and there is no fear of losing themselves in the relationship.  With such a strong sense of their individual selves, Transcendent Partners can fully surrender to the “we” of the relationship, forming a union where the individual is not lost and the whole is profoundly greater than the sum of its parts.  Skilled in unconditional acceptance, power struggles rarely occur. Transcendent Partners fully support each other in going for their dreams.  They live in truth and can share anything without fear of shame or blame.  Transcendent Partners relate at the spiritual level and have evolved beyond the need to work at the relationship.  Both partners are guided not by outer but by inner forces and by each other.  Knowing that what they have together is enough, Transcendent Partners are content and can commit to one another for life.  Transcendent Partnership is focused in gratitude and on giving back to society.  There are few models in our society for this type of partnership.  Conscious Partners can and do evolve into Transcendent Partnership when both people do their individual work.  You have not failed if you achieve a Traditional or Conscious Relationship.   Transcendent Partnership is not and should not be for everyone.

 

Original Article Posting

The Risky Game of Sex

 

 

“Sex is a risky game, because if you’re not careful, it will cut you wide open.” – from the film Kinsey

This quote is perfect. It is exactly what sex is supposed to do! However in today’s society we have crushed and termed sexual acts taboo. Somewhere along the line we made sex demonic, something that we should only do to conceive a child and should only be done in the missionary position. If we are not married then god forbids we ever explore such an act as sex.  We tell our children, “Sex is for a mommy and a daddy to do to show their love for each other. “ “Wait till you are married and only give yourself to your husband or your wife.” Oh and one of my favorite statements. “Wait till your 30.” Good girls and boys don’t have sex in their teens, they don’t fantasize about the hot boy or girl or even their teacher and they certainly DO NOT masturbate. Girls are taught from early on to be “lady like” and to shun their sexuality, their inner erotic creature. Girls are told that they should cover up and not show their breasts at all, be careful of how much booty they show, how tight their clothes are and what their body language is saying. They are taught that it is not ok to be a sensual woman. Boys are taught that girls are property and that the female in society for the most part is of a lower ranking then the male. Boys can go without a shirt in public; it’s even okay for boys to make comments about girls that may not be as tasteful as they could be, after all boys will be boys. And yet it is still taught that sex is not something to empower us but something that is to remain hidden. With all this sort of societal training it is no wonder that our youth for many decades has grown into a sexually dysfunctional culture and our relationships suffer from such issues as jealousy, rage, betrayal, duty sex as well as lack of intimacy.  Let alone simple stupidity when it comes to the actual power or act of sex. Our sex education in school is not one that teaches about reality, it only is in place to make sex a scientific study, one that is not of emotional or spiritual connection. High School Sex Ed teaches about sexual diseases and gives plenty of scare but does not teach about integrity, honor, respect or empowerment.

tantricloveSex is a risky game. If one opens up to healing their sexuality they discover a deep liberation from the societal bullshit that is accepted across the board. They discover that they are a powerhouse of unconditional love and creative energy. They awaken to empowerment through their sexuality that changes the face of every aspect of their lives where they learn how to develop and maintain healthy relationships with not only their lovers but all people.  Sexual liberation is the one thing that can change the face of this world quicker than any other form of healing in my opinion. Until we embrace our sexual power we are sheep being controlled by the rule of men and women who will further take away our rights and freedoms to the point of slavery. Only in our willingness to heal our sexuality and allow our sexing to ‘cut us wide open’ will we be able to embrace our divine aspects and find unconditional love and acceptance for our fellow humans. Being ‘cut wide open’ is stating a deep vulnerability, it is living in this vulnerability to life and accepting that just as when we were in the womb of our mother and everything we ever needed was made available and taken care of this is still so in our adult lives. Our need to control life is only a statement of ego; all our needs are provided for us if we can open ourselves in this beautiful state of orgasmic life flow.

We live in a world where prostitution is for the most part illegal. Sex workers across the world have limited rights and if one is “raped” well then she asked for it, after all she is a sex worker, a woman with little to no morals, yet porn runs ramped in our society and both men and women are learning wrong forms of intimacy and sex without honor. Our expectations of our lover are forever changed as we view these ‘performances’ and then turn to our relationship and find ourselves unsatisfied. Divorce rates are ever increasing as are extramarital affairs.

In a recent study:

  • Of young college men over 35% of them said that they would rape a woman if they could get away with it.
  • 87% of guys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married.
  •  65% of the boys and 47% of the girls said it was acceptable for a boy to rape a girl if they had been dating for more than six months
  • 43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman’s protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse.

rapebooze

This societal attitude is accepted, yet prostitution is not. Prostitution is immoral, I forgot, and rape is not? Oh wait only some forms of rape are, the above forms are the exceptions to the rule…Mmmmmhhhmmm. And if a man ventures out and seeks sexual connection from another woman whom he pays for her time and energy then sex is NEVER possibly rape. This immoral woman has no boundaries or say in what happens to her body, after all she is opening herself up to sex and as we already stated “sex is a risky game.” Folks these beliefs and attitude take us only backward in the evolution process. They do nothing for humanity, peace, education or respect. They certainly don’t teach how to love or how to open to the great positive powers of such a divine act as sex.

Our closed minded  view points of sexuality have only created a society of sick bastards: men and women alike who repress their desires until they act them out unhealthily or shut themselves off to themselves and their loved ones so that sex is no longer an act of love, intimacy, passion, bliss and creation but one of duty and guilt, or even disgust.

For anyone who wants to know just how contaminated our culture has become I encourage them to take a quick tour on Craigslist.

  • Married, curious male looking to suck my first cock. I imagine you will be discreet, older, clean, not very hairy and patient. I am clean cut, professional, very discreet, DDF, 6′, 220#, could stand to lose a few pounds but not too big. You can reciprocate if you want, but this is about me sucking. I’ve fantasized for a long time. You must host or we meet somewhere soon
  • Married? Wife refuses to suck cock? Let’s get together for some guy time. Football, beer, and we can suck each other off. Casual relationship. Great if wives can become friends. Must be discreet.
  • I love f-cking your wife! Want to surprise the sweetie with your fantasy? I am a MWM, 6′, 210#, 9″ uncut, clean, fit, will do ANY fantasy you want.
  • Looking for a male interested in spending their day or night F-cking.
    I am a giver who will do ANYTHING to make her man have the biggest explosion of his life.
    I will do things your wife doesn’t let you, I will let you take any of my holes and let you blow your load wherever you want.
  • Are you a Hot, Sexy & Gorgeous Mother that would be considered a MILF or a Cougar & do you have a Daughter or Daughter’s Living with you that are just as gorgeous as you are?
    Are you both submissive & do you Need & Want an Older Dominant White Man to come into your lives?
    Are you both submissive Little Whorish Sluts who are sexually out of Control & Do you need to be taken in Hand & Disciplined?
    Do you wish to Meet Someone immediately & have your Lives Brought Back to Order?
    If you find that any of what has been said in this ad interests you, then TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT EACH OF YOU (Including Your Names & Ages) & SHOW ME JUST ONE GOOD PICTURE OF YOUR FACES.
    After I have received your Response with the Required Pictures & Information about yourselves, I will show you My Picture in Return & We Can Move forward from there.

And here is one more for a BIG bang! This came from a picture that i am choosing NOT share.

“Mother and daughter together serving their purpose in life, submitting to  cock.” 

Serving their purpose in life?

If we only really understood the darkness of what is happening behind closed doors. America has more underground sex slavery then most free sex countries do. Why is this? Why does our society support these acts against human sexuality in their hushing and joining in when no one is looking? Yet when sexuality is discussed in open and healthy sexing is taught by educators these same contributors are neigh sayers to sexual freedom and say that sexual liberation is immoral and against the Bible.

The ego at play yet again. It is up to us though, you and I alike to change this. To take back our sexuality rights and to harness our sexual power in a healthy fashion. It is our right to enjoy our sexing and to heal our physical, emotional, spiritual and mental bodies through sexual empowerment practices.

Your fantasies are natural and even healthy. Your sexual hunger is normal. Your longing to connect in a intimate fashion with another human being weather that is someone of the same sex or not, may it be your wife or husband, boyfriend or a stranger or even in a Ménage à trios or at an orgy is all perfectly right and part of our human experience of sexuality. What is wrong and unhealthy is when these acts of intimate play happen out of expectation, rage and our misunderstanding of intimacy and respect of our fellow human beings. When we start to view another human as an inanimate object there for our pleasuring needs then we fall into the dark shadows where we lose ourselves and with us society as well.

Make a resolution for 2013 to educate yourself on true integrity, unconditional love and the empowerment of sex as well as how sex can liberate and heal our world instead of causing pain and separation in it.

526990_275859732522705_1737236878_n

–KW

3 Mantras for Terrible Lovemaking

When things first get sexy, mental chatter can drown out our partner’s heavy breathing. Sometimes, we’re not even aware of how our inner monologues effect our pleasuring behavior. I think you’re swell, dandy and darn good looking. Because I like you so much, I want you to have the best there is in the bedroom. Here are three common mediocre mantras that will not help our mission:

MANTRA #1: “I’m Going to Make You Cum”

VARIATION: ”I’m really good at fellatio/cunnilingus/[insert sex act here]“

Orgasm is not the goal. That would be pleasure. Orgasm is what happens when you’re busy having fun. A demanding sexual ego = Not Fun. Send that buzz kill of an expectation packing and enjoy everyone’s genitals unclenching.

MANTRA #2: “Am I doing this right!?”

VARIATION: “Oh please like this. Please, oh please?”

Where the first mantra is the pinnacle of egoism, this one is the height of insecurity. In the land of pleasure, there is no “right,” nor are there “should’s” or “must’s.” It is a land of wonderful possibility and infinite opportunity. Listen for ragged breathing, look for flushed skin and feel for tensing muscles. If their bodily arousal isn’t apparent, keep playing with sexual variables.

MANTRA #3: “This is How All My Other Partners Liked it”

VARIATION: “Why aren’t you working right!?”

Stop. Right. Now. Put down your habits. Do it quickly. Every new fun-time partner means expanding your hands-on skill set. FANTABULOUS! Just remember, with each new terrain comes new curves in the road. The first few times, you might wanna slow down around the bend.

And so, dear friend, if you hear any of the above rattling around, tell it to go “shush” itself and enjoy the panting. Go Team Fun!

Original Post from Sex Nerd Sandra

Does Your Face Say “Ho Ho Ho,” or “Bah Humbug?”

Time to FACE the Holidays!

By Michelle Butt

time-to-face-the-holidaysThe holidays are coming. Have you ever noticed how some people are so excited and happy as Christmas approaches, anticipating all of the family get-togethers and socializing? And then there are those who complain about the holidays, dreading all the family get-togethers and socializing.

Well, this year, take a look at the faces of these people and I can almost guarantee you’ll see a pattern. The hostess of the big Christmas dinner will most likely have a round face with full cheeks and perhaps a mouth with full lips. This face shape tells us about someone who loves to be around family and friends. She is the nurturer of the family. She is generous and giving and makes sure that everyone is always well fed, both in goodies and in spirit. Going to her house always feels like going home to a warm, inviting environment.

Think about the face of Santa. Isn’t he the ultimate example of the spirit of Christmas, the most generous man of the holidays? Santa just oozes warmth and generosity with his round, full cheeks and rosy red lips.

Then there is the person who hangs back from the rest at the holiday gatherings; the one who keeps to herself and wants to leave early; who often seems just overwhelmed by all the fuss. If you look at her face, I bet you’ll see fine bone structure, a striking nose and perhaps high arched eyebrow, strong cheekbones with concave lower cheeks. This person doesn’t hate other people per se; she is just very sensitive to the energy around her. All of the emotion and excitement hit her like a wave of energy and it can be very hard for her to adjust. She can literally feel the buzz in the air in her skin and it can be very uncomfortable. So she will hang back until she can acclimatize and unconsciously put up her energetic wall. Then she can enjoy the festivities along with everyone else.

Think about the face of Scrooge. Scrooge was depicted as thin with a fine, bony nose, and sunken cheeks, isolating himself from the world. Yet, once he acclimatized to the energy of those around him (with the help of some celestial spirits), he loved Christmas and enjoyed himself at Christmas dinner!

Then there is the face of the man whose birth we celebrate at Christmas. Have you ever thought about what Jesus’ face says? Well, the face of Jesus that is depicted in all of the churches and artwork around the world, however subtly different has one main theme that is undeniable. Jesus has the face of a Leader. His beard and strong jaw show someone whose mission in life is to be an agent of change and growth. He is the gentle guide who leads with compassion, and strength. The prominence of his chin in most depictions show a man who has the tenacity of will to stand and face fearlessly what others would have run from.

Enjoy all the faces in your holiday experiences this year. I wish you joy and happiness, but most of all love during this magical time.

Original Post on Om Times