Stop Being A Little Bitch About Everything…

Here is why I am a F*ck NO!!!! to working for less then my normal rate and why you should not want me too, or any self- employed, commissioned based or entrepreneur ever too again…

Can I get some advice from you?

I want your opinion on this thing…

Scholarships.

Referral Discounts.

Promotions.

These are a few of my NOT so favorite conversations to have with potential clients. Yet, they happen and they happen more often then you may believe.

I am writing this brief article on this topic, NOT to be a bitch about it but to bring to attention the craziness of asking for such things. And I say this as a person who is ALWAYS telling people to ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT!

Here is the thing, you can ask, but asking DOES NOT assure that you will get. Especially, when you are asking someone to provide you with a service at a discounted or free fee.

Over and over again, I am talking like at least three times a week, I have to be a bitch and say, “No, I am sorry I am not working at a discount.” I mean, let’s look at this from the perspective of a salaried employee… or hourly….

You go to work, your boss says, ” Hey Sally or Rick…. listen, you are amazing and you have so much to offer the team. You are so knowledgeable and I really appreciate all that you do for the company, I am so happy  that you are here. You are a valuable member to our team. However, listen, I had some set backs come up at home, my refinance did not go through and my kid had to have a surgery, my wife is stressed out and things are tough. So I was wondering if I could get you to keep doing the fantastic job your doing, maybe even take on a little extra responsibility by overseeing this department over here, but I need you to do it for half your normal salary for the next six months to a year and it would be even better if you would consider doing it for free. What do you say?”

So what is your answer?

Come on be serious…..

Yeah, your a F*ck NO!!! Right?

Because….. Your life obstacle or challenge IS NOT reason enough for someone else to earn less, work for less or give a discount. We all have obstacles and challenges.

If you are not a F*ck NO! to the above scenario, then you are a door mat. And that is a whole other issue. For the majority of people out there I am pretty sure that you are an absolute no to this scenario, however when it comes to going out and getting help from someone who is self-employed or on commissions, you may have no real issue having them work for less.

Right, think of your waitress at your favorite restaurant. She depends on your tips for her survival. Think of your car sales man, he depends on your purchase for his survival. Think of the man who sold you your insurance, your roof,  or even your refrigerator. Guess what these people all work on commission. Sure some get an hourly rate, but after taxes, it barely covers their taxes.  Now let’s look at consultants, coaches and small business owners. We pay up front close to 10k just to have a business, no matter how much we make and then depending on what bracket we fall into, well things just go upward from there in our taxes.  Granted we get tax deductions if we keep track, there are plenty of expenses. But here is the thing, those business expenses do not pay our bills.

Now in truth, the taxes and the bottom dollar at the end of the day, has NOTHING to do with someone asking for a scholarship or discounted rate.

Nope, it does not.

But what it will potentially effect if one who ask’s for it get’s it is:

  1. Your commitment to your own growth.
  2. The one giving the the discount dedication and attention.

When someone gives something away, or at deep discount then it WILL NOT receive the same attention as the one’s that put full effort in on their side. Often, it is not about the money even. It is about the fact that it has been proven over and over gain, that if you give something away that it has less value to the one receiving it.

I wish this was not true, but it is.

Just this last 90 days, I gave away about $600 in courses to people that I knew needed the help.  I actually tried to give away $1,000 but four of the people that I made the free offer too, never even bothered to respond and take me up on it.  Out of the six who said, “Sure,” ONLY two accessed the course content so far.  From the four who have not accessed the content yet, two have asked me questions and shared down trodden tales of how stressed they are, wanting even more free advice and help, but NEVER thought to access the hours worth of content already given to them that could help.

This is normal. This is how we all are when it comes to free shit.

And yes, it is FREE SHIT!!!

It’s just another download to save on our computer or in drop box.

Here is the thought, “If it was worth something, then they would be charging for it.” – Or- “I will get to it some day.” Hence the massive number of items many of us have downloaded and saved for FREE on our computers… self included.

Well, when we coaches give our shit away at discount or for free, we under value ourselves. We over populate our schedules.  And we support our potential clients in remaining stuck in old programs and patterns of scarcity and lack.  There is GREAT value in paying for help,  education, and service. We value it more, we dedicate more of our time, attention and energy to it and we aim to incorporate the lessons into our lives better.

The way I look at it, is that if I agree to working for less then my normal fee I am doing a dis-service to you PLUS my other clients.

If you feel that working with me in whatever way it may be, is valuable to you and you would benefit from my offer and teaching, then there should be nothing stopping you from making this happen. Where there is a will there is always a way. Granted cost can be a barrier , I get that, I spend well over 25k a year in private coaching myself not including retreats or certification programs or extended education. That is just coaching!  So I get that it can be expensive and it can give one butterflies, but here is the gig, every penny I spend on my coaches, I get massive break through’s in my life. Without these phenomenal people’s assistance and insight, I would not be as strong, confident and focused as I am.  I would not have the direction that I do.

Nor the FREEDOM that I do.

Or the ability to help YOU.

Imagine if they ONLY gave me 50% of their knowledge, dedication, time, sharing that they do….

Imagine if they chose to not respond to my emails, or pay attention to them…

Coaching is all about moving forward through your shit. No matter what the topic of focus is, your moving through it. Having a coach at your side ensures that you have less set backs, that you get blindsided less, you get the unconditional tough love that you need from someone who HAS BEEN THERE and made it through. Or at least is far enough ahead of where you are at that they can show you how to get through what your in .

Asking for a discount or free service is dishonoring to the person that you are requesting it of. No matter how much you brag them up or tell them how much value you see in the service. Asking for a discount and asking them to over populate their schedule which translates to less time and energy to dedicate to each client, which in turn means that the coach is not able to be 100% their best with each client, but instead more like an over worked social worker who cannot keep a case straight and just wants to quit, has no heart in it anymore, is simply dishonoring to them, to you and all clients they have.

The best coaches out there average 6 to 15 clients max at any given time.

This is one on one clients granted.  Group coaching will vary and on line training’s typically do not pull that much over all energy to cause any significant effect.

I have found that I personally cannot handle more than 25 clients on my schedule for one on one consulting without there being issues with me being able to keep up and hitting burn out.  My ideal is 10 to 12 private clients.

Here I can make massive impact with the individuals that I am working with, not get burned out, keep my mind, heart and soul in the game and have a lot of SUCCESS STORIES…

And anyone who has worked with me over the years know’s how I LOVE SUCCESS STORIES!!! 🙂

After all, at the end of the day, we coaches don’t coach for the money.

We coach for the Success Stories.

We love seeing your success.

We love seeing you overcome the hurdles of your life challenges.

We love seeing you shining bright.

We love seeing you happy.

We love seeing you turned on, tapped in and tuned in to the F*ck YES!!! Life that you deserve and want at your core.

Yet often the only thing stopping you from having this, is that your being a little bitch about everything. 

It’s the excuses or reasons that you give as an alibi as to why you cannot work with a coach and take these strides.

It’s the excuses that you have bought into that you are not good enough, not deserving of, smart enough or some other…

It’s your fear of change.

It’s your fear of failure.

It’s your fear of SUCCESS, that truly holds you back.

And no matter what your alibi is as to why you cannot get started, money most likely being your favorite one to lean on, it will ALWAYS come back to you, making a choice to say yes or to say no, NOT TO ME or any coach, but to YOURSELF.

So the reason I suggest that you NEVER ask for a discount, promotional special, referral discount or scholarship again is because you deserve MORE.

You deserve to say YES to yourself and fight for your YES.

You deserve to know that you want it as much as you claim and that you value the support, education, and guidance as much as you claim.

You need to have some skin in on the game, or you will continue to find other alibi’s to hold you back from your desired life.

Where will you choose to claim your life?

As always, “STOP Surviving and START Living, You only have this life. Claim it NOW”

 

 

 

I am just NOT a F*ck YES to you…

There he was. He was perfect too. The perfect man.

His smile, the glimmer in his eye’s, the way he stood.

That voice. OMFG! That voice.

Everything about him was my hearts desire.

He had the characteristic’s physically, mentally, spiritually and what seemed like even emotionally that I craved. And he was financially free enough to do what he wanted in life as well.

Every woman’s dream man.

I looked at him and my groins would quack with hunger and enthusiasm.

I knew it was meant to be.

There was only one small problem with him.

He just was not that into me. We were friends, we flirted, we teased, we argued even some. He really seemed to “get me” and I felt so comfortable and seen by him, however when it came down to my desire to move things into a deeper intimacy and change up the relationship, he would suddenly go distant and become very busy. He would not commit to suggestions and ideas about things I had that we could do together and it left me constantly questioning how much he really cared or what I had done wrong.

Then as time went on and I allowed some distance to form, like magic he would resurface somehow and we would pick up right where we left off and all those juicy, yummie feelings would flood back into my heart and body and  I would get amnesia about the disconnect that I had just recently experienced with him.

It did not matter though, because he was here with me now.

He was smiling at me, getting me to laugh and I felt like I was on top of the world.  But I was not on top of the world, I was on a merry go round with this man and my heart and the truth.

The reality was that he did not share the desire, the feelings and emotions that I did. He enjoyed our time together but he knew that it was just what it was, a fun friendship. Good times. He knew at his core that I was not the girl for him, not now, not ever most likely as the feeling were simply not mutual.  As hard as that was for me to stomach, I could not change it no matter how I tried. I could have changed my body to fit his ideal, I could have started speaking and acting like the women he dated and was obviously “in to,” I could have completely let go of who I was in hopes of becoming “the one” that he would desire to be with. But, where would this lead me inevitably?

I would loose me in the process and still most likely not have him, and if I did manage to capture him it would not be real love or mutual authentic connection, turn on. It would be fake because I would be being fake.

So how happy could we really be in the long run?

Well, here is the hard cold facts ladies and gent’s and your most likely not going to want to hear it or accept it. Many people come to me and want help with their relationship, they want some magic bullet to make things go back to the way it use to be. They want the arousal, connection, depth, play, mystery and chemistry that they had the first 18 months to three years of their relationship. They want the sex that they use to have. The understanding. The love feelings that they use have. And the feeling of being desired.  Unfortunately, the main reason you felt that way in the beginning of your relationship was a little thing called “New Relationship Energy. (NRE)”

NRE is intoxicating until its not. Which happens to all of us and to all relationships no matter what the status or type of relationship it is. We get NRE when we have a baby and then our baby becomes a toddler and the NRE declines some with each fit the child has. We get NRE with our new job because we are excited about it possibilities and are hanging from the ceiling about all that we were sold on in this job until two years later the reality that we got passed by on promotion hits and that we are now panicked about annual reviews, our colleagues are chatting back stabbers and our boss is know it all.

No matter what the relationship is, and EVERYTHING is relationship NRE is at the front line of the start of something beautiful and when it starts to decline we feel life itself slipping away and we start to question if it is meant to be.

Well, guess what folks, this NRE also happens in “casual, friendship based” relationship or even “casual sex” relationships. It is there, it is the connecting tissue that keeps it hot, for a time.

With that said and to remain on topic in this post, the issue is that NOT ALL NRE is equal.

Much like my tale above, just because one person is feeling all that yummie NRE, does not mean that the other person is on board with it. More often than not, this is the case.  So we run around with our elementary school kid crush on our friend, colleague, or other in hopes that this feeling is mutual but in FACT, they just are not that f*cking into us. They are just not a F*ck YES to us.

Sad but true, just because we desire something does not always mean that it is meant to be.  At least not meant to be with this person.

What we need to learn from experiences like this is that when we get this crush on someone that this person is showing us characteristics of the person that we do truly want  to be and have in our lives. This person we are crushing on is teaching us what we should feel like all the time, opening up the door way to an aspect of ourselves where we are in alignment to our authentic self. Our radiant self, the self that we are often so fearful of showing to this world. If we look at this experience as a beautiful opportunity to tap further into ourselves and feel what it feels like to enjoy life and a moment like we do when we are in the company of these people who bless us with this desire for them then we can taste our truth.

Sample who we really are when we reveal ourselves fully.

If we choose to get caught up on creating a perfect sales pitch to get this person to see us differently, act differently or be with us more than what they desire then all we are doing is being caught in our own self-centered desires to control another’s heart for our own pleasure.

Where is the love in this act?

There is no love only lust. And lust will never lead anyone to truth.

It will only lead to suffering and failure.

My dear friend Crystal always says, ” Believe them when they first tell you who they are.” I am going to change that a tad here,

“Believe them the first time they tell you how they really feel about your relationship.”

You cannot change someone’s heart but you can honor in love where they are at and be in gratitude for the revealing of your own heart.

As always, STOP surviving and START living, you only have this life.

 

The Lie You Have Been Told and Believe

 

You know the lie.

It’s that lie that you tell yourself everyday of the week, sometimes twice on Sunday because your dreading the following morning.

Yes that lie.

The lie that all you have to do to be happy is:

  1. Work Hard
  2. Get Good Grades
  3. Get into a Great College
  4. Get a Job
  5. Make Money
  6. Buy a House and Car
  7. Get Married

And Voilà Your HAPPY!

I am writing this article because I have a son graduating this year from high school. He is feeling such a tremendous amount of pressure from his peers, teachers, and counselors around HAVING to have his whole life planned out. None of them understand how he can not have a life plan yet. Some are even deeply concerned about his future and ability to do anything “worth while” because he has no plan other than to survive the rest of this school year.

I suppose they are all right, after all he is considered an adult now at age 18. He has had a sufficient amount of years on this earth to know who he is, what he wants and how to go about getting it.  All the other seniors are making their life plans and sending in college applications for education in the industry of their hearts desire or at least have decided on a career path that will pay them well and they will be successful at.

So WTF is wrong with my kid?

Such a looser he is.  Not having any of this stuff figured out.

Funny thing ya know, he is actually planning on packing his bag and moving to Maui, planning on hiking, diving, surfing and enjoying his feet in the sand. Planning on reading books he loves, and just hanging out and embracing life as it comes to him, moment by moment.

The ONLY issue with this plan of his, is that is DOES NOT fit the societal norm of SUCCESS.

And how the hell can anyone be happy if they don’t have a college degree? or 100k in debt? or are not getting up five days a week working for the man?

There is no freaking’ way someone can be legitimately happy just living life without ALL that!

No instead of all that my son has decided that he will work in the food industry while he learns more about himself and life. While he discovers what his passion is. He has decided that he would make some small investments into crypto currency and learn about flipping properties.  Although he does have a passion for art and could easily also look at becoming a tattoo artist if he desired as well. Maybe he will do all of it? Maybe he will do none?

What he does know is that the way the average minded person works hard, goes into debt and gives away their life is NOT what he wants.

He knows that although his passion is with the ocean and marine life that what he really wants to do would take him until he was 40 to get the position he wants and he most likely would end up settling somewhere along the line for something much less than his hearts desire because he “had too.” After all life happens and with it come responsibilities.

Then life becomes all about duty.

Duty to pay the bills.

Duty to take care of the house and car.

Duty to get up and go and make someone else rich.

Duty to be a good person.

Duty to get into a serious relationship.

Duty to make your spouse happy.

Duty, duty, duty!

And then you die!

That is it. That is all this whole existence is about. Doesn’t that sound wonderful. Yes, so I guess he had best have that life plan in order in the next 8 weeks, before life comes charging after him and making him surrender to it’s will of living without passion, without true love, without purpose and without happily ever after.

Yep he had best just stand up and be a man and do what all young men do. Make their parents proud by doing what they are told and getting into the right college and then the right job. The job that will suck the very life from his vein’s and make him wish Monday would never come  again.

Well NOT MY KID!

Guess it is the curse of having a mom who parents like God. I will love him no matter what he chooses to do and I know for certain that he can do anything he puts his mind too. I also know for certain that the lie that we have all been told is just that: A LIE.

I know this because I thought it was truth and I beat myself up for many years not feeling worthy because I had not done what the world said I should do. Instead I ended up becoming a young mother, married early and struggling. It was not a shock as to why I was struggling. I had not followed the plan above.  And then, then I started to paint the picture of the plan and follow it some and guess what?

I was still struggling.

I was still unhappy.

I had the job. The house. The husband. The car.

And the debt.

I was being a  good citizen. A good friend, daughter, mother, and spouse.

So why was I not happy yet?

I was not living for me.

I was not being me.

I was FAKING it all!

Just Like you are. Yep I am calling you out on this RIGHT NOW. I bet that you are within the 85%-90% of the population that is faking their lives. I bet that you dread going to bed on Sunday and getting up on Monday. I bet that you live for the 5 o’clock hour. You live for weekends, vacations and holidays.  I bet that you have your responsibilities taken care of and that you feel like a ATM machine for your kids and family. I bet that you wish you could do something else, but  believe that you could never do it because it would not pay the bills.

Last thing you want is to be irresponsible.

I bet that even though you have that debt, that you are pretty comfortable with it because that debt is a sign that you went to school, got a degree and did it right. It is a sign that you bought the house and the car. It is a sign that you bought the furniture and have credit! Woohoo!!!! for credit.

It is a sign that you are a effing ADULT and your adulting the right way too, damn it!

But does this mean your happy?

Seriously, ask yourself this now.

AM I HAPPY?

Am I happy?

Am I?

Well, are you?

I feel you. I feel that stomach ache. The tension in your neck and shoulders. The mild headache coming on and the fear and the desire for happiness.

Face it you were designed for more.

That is why your not happy with just settling for paying your bills and being responsible.  You were designed for greatness!

The only thing  STOPPING you from this greatness.

Is YOU.

Yes, actually NO. That is the issue, you keep saying NO to yourself. You keep saying that you can’t, that your not worth it, that your not smart enough. That you should not want more. That it is stupid to want more. To be more.

The issue is that you BELIEVE the lie still and you are WAITING for happiness to come from this lie.

The TRUTH BABY is this, that if you want happiness, then you are going to have to CREATE it.

And it DOES NOT come from living a small life, where you have settled for the lie. No it comes from you EMBRACING who you are.

Embracing that you were born WORTHY.

Embracing that you are POWERFUL.

Embracing that it is NOT what you choose to do as a career, but who you choose to be as a person.

Embracing your joy.

Embracing your YES!

And consistently asking yourself, “What makes me happy?”

Consistently,  seeking out new layers of yourself and being curious in life.

Buying the Bullsh*t Lie that we have all been told since we were small, buying into the pain, the suffering, the “worker bee” mentality of average and ordinary, will NEVER make you happy.

So when will you start to say YES to your dreams?

To your heart?

To your joy?

To your happiness?

When will you START to be a F*ck YES to the Most IMPORTANT person you know- YOU?

I hope you say that today is your lucky day.

Because I believe in you.

And so does God.

Stop Existing and Start Living!

 

 

Orgasms and Nerves

What happens in the brain during an orgasm?

Without nerves sending impulses back to the spinal cord and brain, an orgasm wouldn’t be possible. Just like any other area of the body, the genitalia contain different nerves that send information to the brain to tell it about the sensation that’s being experienced. This helps to explain why the sensations are perceived differently depending on where someone is being touched. A clitoral orgasm, for example, differs from a vaginal orgasm because different sets of nerves are involved.

Pleasure Center of the Brain: Light It Up

You may have heard that the brain has a pleasure center that lets us know when something is enjoyable and reinforces the desire for us to perform the same pleasurable action again. This is also called the reward circuit, which includes all kinds of pleasure, from sex to laughter to certain types of drug use. Some of the brain areas impacted by pleasure include:

  • amygdala – regulates emotions
  • nucleus accumbens – controls the release of dopamine
  • ventral tegmental area (VTA) – actually releases the dopamine
  • cerebellum – controls muscle function
  • pituitary gland – releases beta-endorphins, which decrease pain; oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust; and vasopressin, which increases bonding

Although scientists have long been studying the pleasure center, there hadn’t been much research about how it relates to sexual pleasure, especially in women. In the late 1990s and the mid-2000s, a team of scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands conducted several studies of both men and women to determine brain activity during sexual stimulation. The team used PET scans to illustrate the different areas of the brain that would light up and shut off during sexual activity. In all of the tests, the subjects were scanned while resting, while being sexually stimulated and while having an orgasm.

Interestingly, they discovered that there aren’t too many differences between men’s and women’s brains when it comes to sex. In both, the brain region behind the left eye, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down during orgasm. Janniko R. Georgiadis, one of the researchers, said, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control” [source: LA Times]. Dr. Gert Holstege stated that the brain during an orgasm looks much like the brain of a person taking heroin. He stated that “95 percent is the same” [source: Science News].

There are some differences, however. When a woman has sex, a part of the brain stem called the periaqueductal gray (PAG) is activated. The PAG controls the “flight or fight” response. Women’s brains also showed decreased activity in the amygdala and hippocampus, which deal with fear and anxiety. The team theorized that these differences existed because women have more of a need to feel safe and relaxed in order to enjoy sex. In addition, the area of the cortex associated with pain was activated in women, which shows that there is a distinct connection between pain and pleasure.

The studies also showed that although women m­ay be able to fool their partners into thinking they’ve had an orgasm, their brains show the truth. When asked to fake an orgasm, the women’s brain activity increased in the cerebellum and other areas related to controlling movement. The scans didn’t show the same brain activity of a woman during an actual orgasm.

But what about people who can’t reach orgasm at all?

Neither Here Nor There: Anorgasmia and Non-genital Orgasms

I­n some cases, we know what causes anorgasmia (the inability to reach orgasm). Drugs like Celexa, Zoloft and Paxil — known as SSRIs, or selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors — are often used to treat depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses. Like most drugs, however, they can have side effects. For some people, this includes sexual ones, including anorgasmia. But why? SSRIs can decrease the brain’s production of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that provides pleasurable feelings and reinforces a person’s desire to once again perform the action that brought him or her pleasure. Sometimes the problem goes away on its own, or it can be resolved by switching to a different antidepressant or taking another drug in addition to the SSRI. However, a small number of people experience post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD) that lasts for days, weeks, months or even years after discontinuing use of an SSRI. The cause of this dysfunction isn’t understood, as stopping the SSRI allows dopamine production to return to normal.

The Dutch studies about orgasms (mentioned earlier), along with others, have also been the basis for continuing research in helping women who are anorgasmic. Dr. Barry Komisaruk at Rutgers University is currently studying women who are anorgasmic and women who are constantly aroused sexually but are unable to reach orgasm. The latter group of women were each put in an MRI scanner where they could see their brain activity on a monitor. Their brain scans showed that the brain thought they were in fact constantly being sexually stimulated. The women then used imagery and other neurofeedback exercises to calm their brains. Dr. Komisaruk believes that anorgasmic women could also learn to read and react to their brain activity to try to reach orgasm.

Perhaps more unusual-sounding than orgasmia is the concept of orgasms that have nothing to do with the genitalia at all. Some people can orgasm from being touched in other places on the body, such as the nipples. In this case, researchers believe that the sensations in the nipples are transmitted to the same areas of the brain that receive information from the genitals. However, people have also reported actually feeling orgasms in other parts of their bodies, including their hands and feet. Several people have even described having orgasms in limbs that were no longer there. One reason may be the layout of the cortical homunculus, a map that shows how different places of the brain’s sensory and motor cortices correspond to the organs and limbs of the body. A person who feels an orgasm in a phantom foot, for example, may have experienced a remapping of the senses because the foot is located next to the genitals in the homunculus. The foot is no longer there to provide sensation, so the area for genital sensation took over the space.

Although we now know more about how orgasms impact the brain than ever before, there’s still a lot that we don’t know. For example, scientists are still debating the evolutionary reason behind the female orgasm. But it’s probably safe to say that most people aren’t too concerned about the “why” — they’d prefer to focus on the whos, whats and whens of sex.

Original ARTICLE on How Stuff Works

Picture Credit: 3D4MEDICAL.COM/GETTY IMAGES

You Are Right, You Do Not Deserve It!

Let me ask you this, are you:

Shamelessly stepping into your success?

Shamelessly stepping into your abundance?

Shamelessly Saying YES to Yourself?

At our core if we don’t feel worthy, then we are not going to receive. Because we are not going to allow ourselves to receive.

We all battle worthiness issues. I know I do.

We are told that we should not focus on self. To love self is almost condemned in our society. It is crazy to think that it is far more accepted  to hate on yourself than to love yourself. But we are shamed for doing just this.

If we “think to much of ourselves.”

If we ” love on ourselves.”

If we ” speak to highly of ourselves.” 

We are shamed.

Don’t be selfish.

Don’t be self-centered.

Many of us were told that to be self-less was the desired path.

That we are to give of ourselves until we can give no more.

And that we should be able to keep giving and not need any replenishment of any kind, especially any self- love, care or acceptance.

And MOST certainly NO BRAGGING!

The thing is, you cannot consistently give at any decent level if you are not receiving some form of nurturing, love or pleasure. You must receive and feed yourself in order to be able to take care of others or achieve any sort of result you may desire in life.

You must allow yourself to receive love, care and other things in order to keep yourself in a state of being able to give and do.

And RECEIVE.

So here you go.  What I am speaking about is worthiness.

And what that comes down too is being selfish.

At our core we HAVE to have worthiness in order to create all our dreams, accept love, receive any abundance or success.

Even most of your needs will not come to you if you have worthiness issues.

Have you ever noticed that when something good just happens out of the blue, you know when you have that really good luck drop on you, how it is hard to believe that it did.

You cant believe that you had that sort of good luck.

You cant believe that you got that blessing.

You cant believe that you had that miracle happen.

Do you feel like these events are coincidences?

Or do you send out gratitude and stand in expectation for more because you KNOW  that you are worthy?

If your anything like the majority of peeps out there you most likely live in a state of lack of belief that you deserve anything. Which is where the shock of the good shit happening to you comes in. That is that, “Woohoo, OMG! moment.” Yes in this moment of praise you are excited but unbelieving that you are worthy of such yummie gifts from God. When we step into this pattern of disbelief and say such things as, “ I cannot believe this happened to me.” you are showing your lack of worthiness in the blessing.

Well, is it your true lack of worthiness or is it your belief that you are not worthy?

In those experiences and events you are stating that you don’t deserve this goodness to come into your lives.

BUT in TRUTH YOU DO!

When I use words such as gratitude and expectation or child like enthusiasm what I am saying to you is that THIS is a true state of worthiness. It is the act of receiving our blessings and knowing that there is more to come, because more is already coming.

The ONLY way those blessings will not show up is if you have doubt that they will. If you believe that God will not provide for you and that God is somehow wanting you to suffer.

Imagine if you put as much faith and expectation into having abundance in life as you do about living in scarcity?

What would your life be like?

I can tell you what it would be like because I have shifted my own personal shit around this topic and went from raising five children on welfare, in a bad marriage, starting to have health issues, and only having a household income of $17,000. Constantly struggling, moving from house to house, never knowing if the power or water would be on or if I could afford the basics for my family to having stability, savings, debt freedom, incredible loving relationships all around, a multi-six figure income, travel, a clean bill of health and living what I call a F*ck YES! life

This is what happens when you start to love yourself.

This is what happens when you start  to appreciate yourself.

This is what happens when you understand that God is great and wants your greatness to shine as well.

This is what happens when you heal your shame and embrace your worthiness.

You MUST CLAIM YOUR LIFE though.

You MUST start to say yes to taking care of yourself and STOP holding on so firmly to the reigns of fearful control and instead open your arms up and embrace the blessings that are falling all around you.

If you continue to condemn yourself then you will continue to remain in victim status in your life and will NEVER reap the bounties of joy, love, abundance and health that is RIGHT before you.  You will continue to feel disconnected, unloved, unworthy, lost and even forgotten.

Life will become all about duty and responsibility.

It will be filled with stress, anxiety, fear and depression.

But it does not have to be that way!

NO!!!!!! 

You can have everything RIGHT NOW by simply loving yourself and expecting miracles, expecting blessings, expecting in FAITH that it is not just coming, but already here.

That is the ONLY trick that you have to learn.

In order to achieve this though you must do these three things:

  1. Pay attention to the mental masturbation you have going on. The chaotic, fear based thoughts that you find yourself dancing with all day. Do you wake up to these thoughts? Do you fall asleep to them? Today commit to starting your day by saying 5 things you are grateful for and end the day as you lay your head down to sleep with five things that you are in gratitude for having happen in the day. This simple practice will change your world and quickly help you feel more worth in receiving abundance.
  2. You must accept RIGHT NOW that self-esteem comes from no where else but inside you.  You must accept yourself without complaint and be willing to work on all aspects of self without contempt or lapse into negativity. This means take FULL responsibility for your life and what is and is not in it.  Focus on removing your ego’s dominant need to cast blame.
  3. Stop feeling guilty about having good shit happen. Stop shrinking down your blessings and feeling like you “should” not have what you have.  You must commit to no longer accept guilt into your life. If you are feeling guilty about things that you have done in  your past dig a little deeper and realize that what you most likely are calling guilt may be remorse instead. With regret we gain a learning opportunity, with guilt we are in a state of reproach.

CLAIM YOUR LIFE TODAY!

Claim your worthiness by saying YES to yourself NOW

Love yourself one mustard seed worth of what God loves you and watch abundance fill your life. 

 

-KW

 

 

 

The Average Woman is a Prostitute ( Guest writer Addison Bell)


pros·ti·tute (ˈprästəˌt(y)o͞ot/)

(noun) 1. a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.

The above is Google’s definition of a prostitute, and this is the common definition across many sites. A person engaging in sexual activity for some form of payment. Thus making today’s average woman a prostitute, married, single, doesn’t matter, we have become a gender that sells our bodies.

Let me tell you a little personal story from a few years back… I had been out on three dates with a very nice man. He would take me to some nice restaurants, we would have a good conversation, and on this particular 4th date, he even brought me some beautiful flowers. I liked him as a person and enjoyed our time together, but wasn’t feeling a particular strong sexual connection, and thus, I had not gone there with him. However, I began to feel guilty… he had taken me out on these very nice dates and even started to jokingly mention that he had taken me out, bought me some nice flowers, but yet we still had not had sex. So despite my disinterest in sex with him, on this 4th date, I caved, although not being conscious of my thought process at the time, I felt because of the time/money he had spent on me that I somehow owed him sex if I desired to keep dating him. I let him buy me a beautiful dinner and then afterward let him have sex with me, which was disconnected and meaningless. He, in a way, bought my body at this moment. I had prostituted myself for some food, flowers, conversation, and attention.

Years later, as a Sex & Relationship Coach, I cannot say that I have ever had a woman come into my office that has not sold her sex in some way to a partner. And if I’m brutally honest, married women are often the biggest offenders. It does not matter if you are selling your sex for actual finances (including financial security), physical objects (home, car), experiences (restaurants, events, plays), or in exchange for a false sense of connection. When we use sex as any form of commerce, we are doing just what we shame and demoralize, and technically incarcerate women around the country for daily.

I know there are probably some women out there reading this and thinking, “that’s not the same thing” and you can try to convince yourself with this reason or that, let your Ego use tons of excuses, or separate yourself because you have a diamond ring on your finger, but that does not get you off the hook energetically! The moment our bodies and sex become a bargaining chip, whether for gain, or out of a sense of duty, we are entering the land of prostituting our bodies, minds, and most of all, our spirits.

I’ve had several Christian clients tell me that their “job” from a Christian perspective is to take care of their man in this way and live up to their “wifely duties” in a sense. I am calling bullshit on this. God did not create the beautiful, sensual, and magnificent female body to be sold, but instead to be cherished. The Creator wants us to share ourselves from a deep, meaningful, and purely loving space and not in order to get something in return. Females have been given a uniquely divine power and beauty in our sexuality that when not used from a place pure of heart is diminished, disrespected, and that inevitably leads us to disconnection from self. When we say yes when we either don’t want it or are ambivalent about it, then we are not only using our bodies, but we are also raping ourselves. Harsh, but yet still the truth.

This is not to make all women shame themselves; goodness knows we already do enough of that, but instead to bring awareness. Why is it okay that we incarcerate and shame women that are doing exactly what most women are doing, but just in a more direct way? Being upfront and honest about the fact instead of hiding it under layers of excuses, self-separation, and judgment. From a personal perspective, I have way more respect for a woman that knows that she is using her sexuality as a tool and/or that she desires to use it as a tool than a woman that hides and tries to cover this fact up and doesn’t own her power. At least these women are tapping into themselves in some way as opposed to the woman that has duty sex and gives her body away for things, feelings, experiences, but hides behind religion, obligation, or it coming from a lack of self-empowerment. I would much rather a woman stand in her power and directly ask for money for her body than having obligational duty sex and disempowering herself. Not that it is ideal, but she is at least owning what she is choosing to sell her body, unlike the average woman.

Although I stated at the beginning of this that all women had prostituted themselves in some way, I don’t think all women continue to do this in their lives. I believe the average woman in America does this frequently because we are raised in a society that promotes this type of thinking through media, pornography, religious doctrines, and teaching our girls to separate from their desires, needs, and emotions while teaching our young boys in a backhanded way that sex is something owed.

Though it doesn’t have to be this way for women! The second a woman knows that her sexuality is indeed powerful and begins to live in alignment with her true desires, then she has begun to take a step out of this process. When we start to only have sex when we truly desire it, to not allow sex to be an obligation or something owed, then sex becomes something deeper. By also recognizing and forgiving ourselves when we ‘fall down’ and do indeed use our sex/bodies as a form of commerce, then we also take a step forward. The second we begin to revel in our sexuality and bodies in the way that God meant and for us to delight in our passions and desire, then we also take a step away from this cultural standard. And if you do choose to continue to use commerce in your sexing that you, at the very least, own it! Own it as an empowered choice and something you desire and separate from B.S. excuses.

This all does not mean that you’re not ever going to accept a man buying you a drink, taking you out for an evening, or giving you a gift. No, this means that you allow yourself to be in the feminine and receptive mode, but only step into sex if your heart is in it. It is you asking for what you desire at the moment, whether this be to have sex or not to have sex. It’s if you are married that you don’t give your man oral sex just to get him off your back, or because it is a special occasion. It is allowing yourself to play in your sexuality, sensuality, and allowing it to be powerful, but knowing you do not owe your sex, body, or sensuality to anyone.

This is how we step out of being the average prostitute. Where in your life are you selling yourself? Where are you using your sex and your body as a sense of commerce? And if you are a man, then where might you be expecting the woman in your life to prostitute herself?

 

READ ORIGINAL Article and Contact Author HERE

Why I Am Such A Bitch to Men.

Little girls are taught to smile, be polite and make sure to not ask for too much or be too demanding.

Little girls are told that it is their responsibility to take care of others.

Little girls are told that it is their fault if a boy says, thinks or does something based in sexual attitude to them.

Little girls are told that only “bad” girls speak about their desires or ask for them.

And you know what all of this bullsh*t does to us women?

It causes some seriously unhappy women that have no clue what they want and are loaded with shame and guilt. It is the beginning of a life long plague where we grown ass women attract all the wrong men in our lives and scare away the good guys left and right because we are lost little girls hiding in this grown up body, pretending to have all our sh*t together STILL trying to be a “good girl” like we were taught.

And you know what this bullsh*t does to men?

It teaches them that women are their for the use and the toss away. It teaches them that they don’t have to earn us nor work on themselves to keep us. It teaches them that sex is a transaction and that women should be happy with what they get back from a guy which is typically some slimy come on laced with some expectation.

These teachings that our youth get contribute to the crappy dating world we live in. They are the foundations of the issues in our relationship saga’s and our marriage crisis’s.

We speak about monogamy but what we don’t understand is that with it or ANY relationship outline that each  of us MUST be committed to each other and to our own growth and the growth of the relationship. Relationships are not easy, they require work, commitment and compassion. Here is the issue, often we get into a relationship way to quickly and we throw ourselves into the deep end and expect that commitment is a sure thing. We also expect that this commitment is going to allow us to not have to work so hard any more and that we can just relax and soften the courting ( on both sides). Commitment means that sex should just happen, when we want it and that it is part of our relationship duties that we should be damn happy about.

This is all so far from any truth, yet this is what relationship after relationship goes through.

These issues would all come to a halt if they never had an opportunity to get started.

And here is why I am a bitch to men.

I am a bitch to men because when a man messages me a random text, email, FB message and asks me a dumb question like:

” How old are you?”

“What’s your name?”

“Are you married?”

“How are you today ?”

“What’s up?”

(and these are opener liner’s)

Or simply just says, “Hi.” and leaves it at that. I can tell that I have a winner of a man in my presence. Yeppers, this man is committed to only one thing and it is not to getting to know me or exploring any sort of relationship. No he is more than likely hoping that I am as desperate as him and will send him a picture or get into a sex chat with him so that he can jack off to my words and picture and be done. Once again proving that men in today’s world have been taught that women are their for the usage, their pleasure and can easily be disposed of.

Take this into the dating world and you get the guys who think that it’s okay to assume that sex or anything will happen just because they have asked a woman out.  If they buy dinner well then, what are they getting in return? If they have taken a woman out three times then she better put out.

Our society norm on relationship is that it is ALL about the QUICK, EASY HOOK UP.

It is not just the men’s fault here.

Us ladies have a BIG role in this as well.

We allow this kind of attitude to flourish by the way we act.

Not being authentic from the start. Leading men on in one way and at the same time keeping ourselves locked away and not sharing what we are wanting in a relationship. Thinking  that the way to a man’s heart is through his cock and giving him easy sex right up front.

Ladies, this is NOT the way to capture a man. You can have many “boys” to play with but a man will want more of you than just your sex. And a man will be willing to take things slow, be present with you and show you in many ways that you are more than just a booty call or friend with benefits. These men are willing to court and do so NOT because of some duty or because they think that women cannot do things such as open doors and pull out chairs or pay a tab, but because it brings them pleasure to pamper you and take care of you. Because they are operating in their divine masculine and love being a man that is strong in himself thus can support a woman in her feminine.

They also, do not have a desire for you to have sex with them out of duty because they just paid for dinner. No they only desire to have you sexually when you are ready and wanting it too.  They understand that it takes an emotional connection and level of trust to be open to having pleasurable sex and intimacy and that it is NOT about the pump, pump, ooooh, goo experience that they could have in the privacy of their own bathroom with their hand but that when you finally come together in this way that his pleasure will be intensified by your surrender due to the trust building and emotional connection that you both created on the front side.

These sort of men, through their own energy and personal power and confidence in them selves and life make a woman want them in every way from the first moment of meeting.

It is NOT something that can be faked either.

These men desire a WOMAN not a girl.  They want someone stable in who she is, comfortable in her feminine energy and NOT shadowing her beauty with a need to prove that she is a better man than he. These men value authentic women, not manipulation and game playing. They want us women to show up as we are in any moment, raw, beautiful and in our power as a woman.

These men smile at our fire, our passion, our hearts desires. They are willing to hold space for our tears and they value emotions, ALL of them.

These men even if scared, desire more to be strong in themselves and in worship of their love to their woman than to try an control her through some belittling program of duty that only kills a relationship. They know what they want, they know it is work and there will be emotional times. They understand that in order to keep  a real woman in their life that they must ALWAYS strive to be a better man then what they were the day before and have as much compassion for themselves as they do for her.

This is why I am a bitch to men.

NOT all men. 

Just the chosen men that are not men to start with but little boys, insecure in themselves and fearful of any true depth of relationship or intimacy. These men I am a bitch too, because why would a woman settle for anything less than an authentic superior man who is on purpose, in love with life and self and fully ready to envelop her in his heart.

Why would a woman settle for a man that cannot or refuses to match her radiance and love with his own?

Why would a woman settle for anything less than what God wants her to have? God wants us women to ask men to stand up and be men, in their power and glory and with their hearts and souls, not just their” little heads.”

Ladies why are you settling?

 

 

I Don’t Work… Why Do you?

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What a lovely trip to Boca Raton Florida I had this last week. It is trips like this one that just make my heart smile. Having the privilege to work with a dynamic couple, enjoy connection, conversation, good food and being able to share powerful teachings with such high consciousness souls… THIS, this is a F*CK YES!

People ask me all the time what I do for work…
You know here is the truth.

I DON’T WORK.

I get to share.
I get to just be me and share the knowledge and gifts that I have been given and learned how to tap into through the last 20+ years of my life.
And I get to do this with people I truly adore.

Many days, I feel like I am playing.
Many days I feel like if someone actually “caught” me in my work they would wonder what the hell I am doing.

Because enjoying life this much and doing the things that one loves DAILY, is not understood in our world.

But is most certainly, the GOAL I believe for many.
And it is our God given right as well.
The freedom and bliss that we can have in doing our true work far passes anything that is just paying the bills and causing our heads to ache and our muscles to constrict from the stress.

No, doing your life’s calling is WHERE IT IS AT BABY!

This is what my week has been about.
Sure it had it’s sexy moments.
It had it’s heart pounding, tear jerking, stomach clenching moments.
But ALL of the moments were PRESENT MOMENTS.
They were captured in love.

And I was HONORED to be the one to do the “work” with these beautiful souls.
Honored to spend another week of my life LIVING my WORK, not just SURVIVING my week.

Can you say the same for your week?

I ask you this not to flaunt anything but to get you to ask a VERY important question about your life and where you are at in it.

Have you considered why you are settling for less than what God’s wish for your life is?

How does this question make you feel in your body when you read it?

Do you even know what greatness God desires for your life?

And how the heck can you figure out what this greatness is and how you can achieve it?

I promise you this…

This greatness is NOT about just existing and paying your bills, fulfilling your duties and being a “good” person.  It is not about waking up Monday morning and dreading your day and week or looking at Friday with a “Oh, Thank Goodness.”  No this is NOT living folks.

If you want to live that F*ck YES! Life, that is freedom based and full of desire and purpose then all you need do is to question your own heart. Truly just tap in and start to feel what resides as your hearts desire.

Many great visionaries, teachers and leaders through the course of time have told us to “follow our hearts, they will not lead us astray” yet we consistently allow our minds logic to rule over our hearts and find ourselves off of our true paths and living a life of duty, stress, and endless fatigue. We walk through our days and weeks like we are zombies and we wonder where passion for anything has gone.

If you are wanting to find your passion, your desire for life and the direction that God wants for you then it is up to no one but YOU.

Ask, Seek, Knock.

These words they stir a lot of fascination, desire and confusion for us humans. What does it mean to ask, seek and knock? Whom are we asking? God? How will he answer? How will we hear? This is the main question of concern because until we learn how to listen we cannot find direction in our lives. We simply are walking through our world blind. To ask and be able to listen, one must prepare themselves for the communication. This simply put means that YOU must make a commitment to find STILLNESS in your life and then eagerly and with expectation look for the answers to come to you.  You MUST remain CONSCIOUS and listen with an active heart which will incorporate your thoughts, feelings, sight, hearing and experiences for the response from the Divine.  If you ask and then go directly into your chaotic thoughts focused on your past experiences and fear based thinking then you will miss your messages and be lost.

How do you feel about spending 15 minutes a day in silence with yourself?

Does this seem like too big of a chore? Or are you hungry to listen to the path that is before you?

If you are hungry then the ONLY work you need ever do is to ASK and then LISTEN. You will be guided with ease and grace to your desired life. You were born for greatness and not for struggle. The reason we struggle is because we argue and try to control with our logical minds a force that is far greater than ourselves.

Stop handcuffing God.

You too can have a freedom based life. You were born to be free and to live a purposeful, desire based life full of blessing. If you fill yourself up with un-needed chaos, fear and worry then you prevent this life from manifesting for you and in turn you curse yourself with AVERAGE and ORDINARY.  You curse yourself through your inability to SAY YES to your hearts desire and to the promise of God.

Ask and it shall be given.

God always say’s yes to us. It is our sabotaging ways that block the blessings from forming in this reality. Our doubt is the true culprit to our suffering.

And you know what will take much of your suffering away?

CERTAINTY in your heart.

CERTAINTY in your purpose.

CERTAINTY in your faith.

CERTAINTY in desire.

And Most CERTAINLY doing your life’s calling is WHERE IT IS AT BABY!

Dig in deep and find yours now.

You deserve to live on PURPOSE and FULFILLED.

This sort of work is pleasure.

What’s Your pleasure?

-KW

[jwplayer mediaid=”6587″]

Watch “What About You?” NOW.

 

 

The Day the Earth Stood Still.

” There must be alternatives. You must have technology that could solve our problem.”  – Quoted from the 1951 Movie The Day the Earth Stood Still

Breathless I feel my heart clenching, holding on for dear life. My ego throwing a fit beyond measure, wanting to rage and destroy, cry and break beneath the pressure of the pain.  I sit there, just  reading over and over again the words that every cell in my being feared the most. How could this be? Why would this happen? How could the love not withstand, and God deny something so beautiful, powerful, and divine? Why would God not desire for our worship of him to come through our relationship and be a path of grace for others. An example of the blessings and beauty that he desires for us?

Ego chanting words of anger, pain, and fear. The primitive mind running a muck and taunting me to react out of this fear and charge forward, saying things I would be sure to regret and did not mean in my heart or soul. No just the wound would be speaking in this moment and it was just the wound of this drastic blow to my heart that I was standing in the epicenter of.  The storm that blew around me keeping me from feeling my truth, my love. Shrouding me in a darkness that spoke of never leaving.  Monsters lurking, screaming out my fears of abandonment, never being able to hold on to love, not being lovable, not being worthy, not being enough and being to much. Telling me IF I had only done this or that then things would be different. The pain, the shame, the guilt and the feeling of being so naive to love again.

After all it was my stupid little girl who was hopeful and certain that this time things would be different. How could they not? I had never gone so deep with someone before. I had never revealed and explored the layers of my soul like I had in this love. I had never trusted anyone to surrender the way that I had with him.

Perhaps it was to much.

Or I was too much.

My eye’s skimming back across the word, “Goodbye.” Almost meditating on it and watching the sky fall outside the window.  My heart not beating fast at all, in fact feeling like there is no beating at all. Am I dead Lord? Where is my breathe? Where is my heart? I am left with neither, only the haunting of my crazed mind and the laughter from something deep in me, taunting that it knew all along that he would do this.

Only sheer seconds passed I am sure, but it felt like a thousand lifetimes flickered their emptiness before me without him.

Yes today, today the earth stands still.

And with it my heart and soul, withering in a corner unable to move, finding that there is no purpose to hold out for hope, for love, or for life. What reason should I move forward. I have no heart for it in his hands, my soul bound to his and now in darkness lost. There is no purpose to moving forward, no purpose to standing up and going on.

And yet, I must.

There in my chair, I look into the eye’s of the corpse that use to be full of love and life. Realizing that I must dress it up and spray perfume on it to hide its rot so that my children and all those I see will not see my pain, my suffering, my self-hatred for not being worthy and now being a sham too boot.

Authenticity. HA!

Love. HA!

Certainty. HA!

Blessing. HA!

These words that we bask in when things are going great, they do nothing for the broken. They get trampled by the pain, the rage, and the fear. They drown in the sludge of our ego’s as we hide.

Our world does not allow us to embrace our range of emotions. It is only socially acceptable to be “okay and fine” or happy. We hide from mourning. We hide from anger and even condemn it. So, what am I to do here on this day that ended the world as I knew it?

Smile.

Make my list.

Control what I can.

Try to breathe a false breath.

Ignore the pain. That is what one is to do in this situation. Ignore it and carry on. Just as he suggested in his goodbye, it is time for me to walk my own path without him. I suppose I could go off and go on a few dates, have some crazy sexual encounters and try and connect to someone else by the use of my physical body. I could hide by grabbing a bottle or two of my favorite drink. I could crash on the couch and veg in front of Netflix for the next century. I could hide my tears and I could stand strong and act like none of this was happening, just throw myself into my work and my children and carry on.

Or…. I could jump in my car and go and scream in his face. Burst into tears and beg. I could let the wild woman out that loves deeply and passionately and will go to war for her love when he is not strong enough to see his heart from all the mist about him. I could make my case and then that for sure would change everything. Perhaps I would at very least feel better in having him stand there and be the persecutor to my victim in hopes that he would decide to rescue me.

But both of those are based in ego. This is not what my spirit desires and knows to be love or my strength.

No, instead it is time to PAUSE.

It is time to go within and allow myself to feel fully. To embrace the rawness of the wound and the beauty of the love that was shared. It is time, on this day that the earth stands still to take a cue from the divine.

LISTEN.

Listen to the stillness.

Listen to the rhythm of this life.

Listen to the voice off in the distance that is speaking. That voice that sounds of truth and love eternal.

Here there is still hope. There is hope for this broken soul of today to heal and to move forward. It will not happen on my timeline, or on anyone’s.  It will not occur because of pushing through. It will not be touched by my masks, my over analyzation or my fear of the future.

No the only thing that will support it is my surrender.

So here you go kind folks, heartbreak is unavoidable. It chases us all down like ravenous wolves and makes us fear it. We dance around and try our hardest to avoid. We believe that by settling for something less than what our hearts and souls desire that we will be safe.

We hide our faces every day of our lives, we shut our hearts to the love and joy that crave to bless us. We speak words of logic in the face of that that we can never grasp. We follow the darkness as it masks itself as light, telling us that we do this or that and behave that we will avoid.

Avoid pain.

What this enemy does not share is that by being average and ordinary and hiding from our passion to bask in the blessings of God and all the beauty of this physical existence that comes with that, that we forfeit our desire NOT just for this life, but for God as well.

True we are not to worship things of this physical world in place of our worship for the Creator, but things of this world can be used as our worship of God. The simple act of kissing a lover can be an act of worship of God. It is the intent of the heart that is behind it that reveals the beauty.

If we choose to live in fear in our physical world then we show no trust of God. We may claim that we are believers, but do true believers fear this world? Or do they embrace it in desire and on fire with the backing of God?

God wants you to desire life.

God wants you to desire love.

God wants you to desire him.

 

Our fear of stepping forward in faith, is nothing more than blasphemy.

Ask yourself today if you have faith or fear ruling your life?

One is of God the other is the enemy.

“Stop Existing – Start Living.”

10 Things You Should Know about Sex

1. Sex is God’s good creation.

God in his great wisdom, for his glory and our good, has chosen to place us in a world where sex is a significant part of the human experience. The issue of sex is important and unavoidable because God, in wisdom and love, chose it to be.

Because sex is the creation of God’s hand and exists under the control of his sovereignty, we should approach it with reverence and awe, not with embarrassment and timidity. Sex came from him, belongs to him, and continues to exist through him—to him be the glory.

2. Sex can be dangerous.

Sadly, today sex—a beautiful creation of God—functions in the surrounding culture like a spiritual solvent eating away at the very fabric of the human community. It has perverse power to master your heart and, in so doing, determine the direction of your life. It gives the buzz that you’re in control while, at the very same time, becoming the master that progressively chains you to its control. It offers you an inner sense of well-being while having no capacity whatsoever to satisfy your heart.

It seduces you with the prospect of contentment-producing pleasure but leaves you empty and craving more. Sex holds out the possibility that you will finally be satisfied but instead causes you to envy whoever has more and better than you do. It sells you the lie that physical pleasure is the pathway to spiritual peace. Sex is the work of the Creator’s hands but tends to promise you what only the Creator can deliver. It is beautiful in itself but has become distorted and dangerous by means of the fall.

3. Suffering will impact your sexuality.

If suffering is every person’s experience, then you should expect suffering to impact your sexuality. You will suffer the reality that right here, right now, sex doesn’t function the way that God intended. You will face the redefinition, distortion, and misuse of sex. You suffer the temptation to take your sexual life outside of God’s clear boundaries.

You will suffer being blindsided by sexual temptation at the mall, on your computer, when watching Netflix, or, sadly, even when you’re doing a Google search on your phone. You will suffer women exposing their bodies in public or men treating women like they’re little more than physical toys for their pleasure. You will suffer the hardship of trying to protect your children from all the sexual danger out there, while you work to keep your own heart pure.

Because you know of all the seductive temptations, you will suffer issues of trust with those you love. Some of us will suffer sexual abuse, and others of us will suffer the exhaustion that comes from trying to keep our hearts pure. You will suffer misunderstanding and mockery as you try to stay inside God’s boundaries in a culture that laughs at the thought of sexual boundaries. Paul assumes that we will suffer, and if he’s right (and he is), that suffering will include our sexuality.

4. Sex cannot satisfy your heart.

Sex is powerfully pleasurable, but it cannot satisfy your heart. The touch of another person stimulates your body and your heart, but it never leaves you fulfilled. Sex connects you in powerful and dramatic ways to another person, but it has no ability whatsoever to make you a better person.

Whether we know it or not, every human being lives in search of a savior. We are all propelled by a quest for identity, inner peace, and some kind of meaning and purpose. And we all look for it somewhere. Here’s the bottom line: looking to creation to get what only the Creator can give you always results in addiction of some kind. The thing you hoped would serve you pulls you into its service. What seemed like freedom ends up being bondage. The thing is not the problem; what you’ve asked of it is.

God’s creative intention was to bring glory to himself by the pleasures he created.

5. God is at the center of your sexual world.

Our problem with sex doesn’t begin with lust, with bad choices, or with sexual misbehavior. Our problem with sex begins when we forget that God must be at the center of this part of our lives as he must be with any other. When you have no greater motivation in sex than your own satisfaction, you are already in sexual trouble, even if you don’t know it yet. How have you tended to put yourself in the center of your world of sexuality?

Whether or not you functionally recognize it, at the epicenter of your sexual world exists a God of awesome power, glory, and grace. Sex in its rightful place in your heart and life always begins by recognizing that he is at the center.

6. Sex is deeply spiritual.

Sex is not an a-religious thing. Sex is deeply spiritual. Your relationship to your own sexuality and the sexuality of others always reveals your heart. Your sexual life is always an expression of what you truly worship. Sex is deeply religious. In sex you are either self-consciously submitting to God or setting yourself up as God. In other words, sex is never simply a horizontal thing. Sex always connects you to the God who created your body, gave you eyes to see and a heart that desires, and tells you how you are to steward this aspect of your personhood.

7. Sexual sin starts with your heart.

Here’s where the words of Christ drive us: our struggle with sexual sin is not first a struggle with the environment in which we live or with the people that we live near. Our struggle with sexual sin reveals the dark and needy condition of our hearts. We are our biggest problem.

When it comes to sexual sin, the greatest sexual danger to any human being anywhere lives inside him, not outside. Isolation, changes of location and relationship, and management of behavior never work because they don’t target the place where the problem exists—the heart.

8. Pleasure is God-glorifying.

God’s creative intention was to bring glory to himself by the pleasures he created. Each pleasurable thing was perfectly created and designed to reflect and point to the greater glory of the One who created it. These things were designed to be pleasure inducing but also for a deeply spiritual purpose.

They were meant to remind you of him. They were meant to amaze you not just with their existence but with the wisdom, power, and glory of the One who made them. They were put on earth to be one of God’s means of getting your attention and capturing your heart. The pleasure of sex is meant to remind me of the glory of my intimate union with Christ, which only grace could produce.

9. The pleasure of sex is no substitute for God’s grace.

It’s right to celebrate the goodness of God in giving you sweet pleasures to enjoy, and you should never feel guilty enjoying them as long as you do it within his boundaries and for his glory. It’s wonderful to celebrate the tasty pleasures of food, the stunning beauty of a fine piece of art, the sweet intimacy of sex, or the sound drama of a well-written piece of music. But as you’re celebrating pleasure, don’t forget to celebrate grace.

God’s grace has the power to protect you from asking of pleasure what you should not ask. God’s grace gives you the power to say no to the seductive call of pleasure when it is vital to say no. God’s grace offers you forgiveness when you have failed to do both these things. And God’s grace ushers you into the presence of the One who alone can give you the lasting satisfaction and joy that your heart seeks. So as you’re celebrating the physical pleasures of the created world, take time to celebrate the eternal pleasures of redemption.

10. Sex is intended to point us to God himself.

Since God created both you and sex, it is impossible to properly understand sex and participate in it appropriately if you are practically ignoring God and his existence. By means of creation you are his, and your sex life is his.

Sex that recognizes God’s existence becomes the beautiful, intimate, relational act of worship that it was intended to be. In the midst of all its physical delights, it does not forget God. It remembers that everything enlivened and enjoyed in sex belongs to him. It rests in his control and celebrates his care in the midst of the most intimate of human connections.

Paul David Tripp (DMin, Westminster Theological Seminary) is a pastor, author, and international conference speaker. He is also the president of Paul Tripp Ministries. He has written a number of popular books on Christian living, including What Did You Expect?Dangerous CallingParenting, and New Morning Mercies. He lives in Philadelphia with his wife Luella and they have four grown children. For more information and resources, visit paultrippministries.org.