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The Land Of Nobody…

Good Morning Beautiful!

How did you sleep?

Were your slumbers restful and pleasant or did they have you tossing in your bed?

 

Did you wake refreshed, vibrant and charged for this day or are you among the many of the walking dead,

those who cannot bear the idea of waking because it’s just another groundhog day?

 

Day in and day out,

the same events,

the same stories,

the same people.

 

Waking with a feeling of “why?”

And does any of it,

Especially me, even matter?

 

Looking about your life and questioning if anyone truly cares.

Or are they only there for what you have to offer,

at their convenience.

 

Yes, you know that feeling.

That feeling of,

“Nobody sees me. Nobody loves me. Nobody cares.”

 

This beautiful is the Land of Nobody.

 

And it is not a pretty place to reside.

It is not a place that you can manifest your dreams from,

it will never call into your life your ideal lover,

the money that you crave for,

the health or success.

It will never bear the fruit of happiness.

Because  you see beautiful,

the Land of Nobody,

is a fictitious land that you have created your misery from.

It is a land that you have bought into,

because it is what you feel comfortable in.

 

Oh yes,

I just said that beautiful.

 

The Land of Nobody is one that brings you comfort.

That is a hard pill to swallow I know.

But it is so true.

Just as true as it is that this land will not bring you what you claim you want for,

and most certainly will not bring you what your soul is calling you toward,

and you see THAT is exactly why you are feeling so lost in yourself,

so alone,

so unloved,

so fearful,

so unseen,

unheard,

uncared for or valued.

 

And it is from this place of “UN” that you keep calling in the evidence to support your comfort in suffering.

 

You feel all the “UN” because IT IS NOT TRUE.

 

Your soul KNOWS differently.

Your soul see’s who you really are and what your life has to offer,

but you are withholding yourself from all your glory by focusing in on the finding of the evidence,

the proving to yourself and anyone who will listen,

that you are in the Land of Nobody wants me.

 

And the sad truth beautiful is that as long as you sit here,

focused on the “UN” and the nobody with such passion,

you will NEVER be able to “fix” the problem of what you are manifesting.

 

You will never feel loved.

You will never feel valued.

You will never feel wanted.

 

From this space.

And you will certainly not attract anyone into your world that will “MAKE YOU” feel that way.

 

Because you have created and keep creating a great momentum around not having it show up for you,

that even when the universe/God sends things into your life,

to show you how abundant and loved you really are,

you reject them by looking the other way,

or pushing your will onto life in an attempt to control it and “make it” happen,

thus supporting your need to show that you can’t have it without a fight.

 

Your belief is that life is hard.

That you must suffer.

That you have to work hard to get things that you want.

Your belief is that life is out to get you in some fashion and does not have your back.

 

But that belief is just a thought that you keep active by focusing on finding evidence for it.

 

You “think” it is such and therefore it is.

But you have to change the thoughts in your head,

and the way you are feeling about your life.

You have the WAKE THE F-CK UP.

And start witnessing what could be by putting your focus on that and then not trying to force it into existence.

 

God/Universe does not like being controlled like that,

Does not like having its hands tied,

and if you keep tieing them then you will keep getting what you have been,

because what you want for gets offered day in and day out,

opportunities to have it knock at your door,

but you keep your door locked up tight not allowing the Universe/God to reveal to you your value, your worthiness.

 

So if you won’t let the energy that has created universes to show you a brilliant life worth living and enjoying,

and all your dreams manifesting,

then how the f-ck do you ever expect the people in your life to show it to you?

 

YOU BEAUTIFUL have to open up to it.

You are the only one who can access any of it.

Putting your needs and desires onto others and then getting mad that they won;t do what you want,

when you want,

how you want,

is a self-centered, spoiled, egotistical action.

And will only keep providing you with not having.

 

So if you are among the millions who woke up today,

focused on not having what you want in life,

feeling like you are unloved,

unappreciated,

“UN” somethinged….

 

Then this message is directed at you.

Because I fully understand that feeling of “UN”

that feeling of walking around the Land of Nobody,

and I can tell you that no solution or joy ever came from this place.

 

And we each may venture into this land every now and then,

but it is up to us,

and ONLY US,

venture right back out.

 

So take back your power beautiful,

stop handing it over to the ebbs of your life,

stop looking to not be supported,

and instead KNOW that you are with certainty.

Know that you are loved,

because you love yourself enough to wake the f-ck up and feel it for yourself,

you love yourself enough to stop disrespecting your life,

and instead to open up to it and receive its glory.

 

 

You are worthy beautiful.

You are loved.

You are appreciated and valued.

 

Venture In Certainty for what you want not what you fear.

 

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

Let’s do this!

You and me,

this summer.

Break free from your shiz once and for all and fall in love with the dynamic, powerhouse that YOU are.

No one is like you.

And you have a life worth sharing,

worth enjoying.

You have one life love.

One.

Let’s make it a F-ck Yes! One NOW.

Message me for deet’s on how to do this.

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The Seemingly Meaningless Things.

Today I stayed in my nighty till 1pm.

Why? Because that’s what felt good for this moment.

Seems like a who the eff cares sorta thing, right?

Cuz’ it does not ultimately effect anything.
But that’s not true.

It effects everything.
Because its all about my vibe.
About how I am feeling right now.

The other day I was out at my community pool…
(And f-ck yes! We are happy our community is opening back up.)
And the water 💧 was so freaking cold.
My youngest two kids were yelping for me to get in the water and play and I was really not wanting too.
Willing yes.
But wanting…. not so much 😕.
I did want them to be happy.
I wanted to enjoy a fun moment with them.
But as I ventured into the cold depths of the pool I felt my body tense. My limbs tightened,
My heart ❤ starting beating faster and I found myself holding my breath.

I was now constricting my energy.
I was withholding my truth.
I was locking myself up.
And I felt frustrated that I was in this coldness.
My ego instantly started to play its games with me…

“You need to smile and bear this, don’t let them see your pain, frustration, or lack of wanting to be here.”

“You have to do this.”
“F-ck! This is too cold. Wish they did not want to do this.”

And my emotion to these statements?

Bitterness.
Frustration.
Shut down.

And as I got splashed, and jumped on,
I grew sad because my body was hurting.
And I was feeling trapped.
I was feeling like I had no choice or that if I stated my truth that I would upset my loved ones.

Which was NOT the emotion that I started this afternoon with.
It was however the emotion I was choosing for this moment,
By the actions I was allowing myself to take that I was not a 💯 percent too.
And so….
I also, in this action 🎬 allowed my vibe 😎 to totally be changed.

And if left unacknowledged,
And consistent action to follow where I chose to what perhaps I was willing to do,
But not willing,
Then my mood would stay low vibe.
My emotions would be darker, full of blame,
Irritation, and…
My energy…
It would remain constricted like my body was feeling from the 🥶 cold.
I would remain tense to life.
Tense to my desires.
Tense to those I am around and love.
Tense to my truth.

And then you know what 😳 happens?

I end up magnitizing and manifesting more things into my life that cause me to remain constricted.

More things that I may be WILLING to do…
But am not WANTING to do.

And so instead of living this life the way I enjoy 😉 the most,
Which is in ease and flow,
With tons of laughter, play, connection, joy, love, abundance of good shit…

I would shut it all out.
Granted my little tale to you today is only that…
A tale.
It was a flicker of thought and emotion that went through my being and announced the path that I was potentially stepping on.
But I recognized it.
I saw what those seemingly meaningless thoughts and emotions were saying.

And so I got my booty out of the 🥶 cold.
I went and did what felt good.
Laying in the 🌞 sun.

And my week has been gentle with me.
Full of what I enjoy.

It could have been different.
And often people come to me with a desire to live their f-ck yes life, and they want to know HOW 🤔.

It always comes down to these seemingly meaningless moments.

These thoughts and emotions that are left uncensored,
And how they will lead us astray.

So if my tale speaks to you today.
Here is your HOW.
Here is what you MUST start to realize.
And what is most important.

Do what you enjoy.
Don’t be led astray by what you “think” you need to do to appear a certain way to anyone else,
Or to make someone else happy,
Especially if you are a F-CK NO!

Time to get really baby.
Time to know your truth.
Its with you always,
You just have to listen and act from there.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”

Let’s do this thing luv.
You and me.
Stepping into who you really are and claiming your F-ck Yes!Life now.

Message me for deets.

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No One Gives AF!

Brutal truth shared today!
NO ONE CARES IF YOU SUCCEED OR NOT.🤯
No one gives a rats rear end if you do the DAMN THING that you have been saying that you want to do for the last however long you have been saying that you want to do it.
No one effing cares if you do anything,
👉fail…
👉don’t fail….
👉succeed….
👉sorta succeed…
👉don’t succeed.
We are constantly armed with excuses and reasons as to why we cannot do something,
and often many of these reasons and excuses that we spew out of our mouths are based with the concept that someone else actually cares if we are succeeding or not.
We make it sound like it really matters,
like what we choose to design for our lives matters to someone else.
And that they are going to rate us on whatever the DAMN THING is.
But the reality of the matter is,
and if you can get this one down and fully realize it’s truth then you will be miles and miles ahead of so many others,
(because that matters, right?….🤣🤣🤣)
That LITERALLY every damn thing that you are making excuses about,
that you are arguing for WHY YOU CANNOT…
do, be, have,
because of what someone else may say, believe or whatever crap you are feeding yourself, is only your own beliefs about YOU.
And guess what beautiful.
YOU…
yes you, can change those beliefs.
The moment that you get this truth,
the truth that the reason that you don’t have the life that you want,
the relationship that you want,
the money, the house, the car, the job, the health, the body…..
IS BECAUSE OF YOU.
That is the moment that everything will change for you.
Because in this moment of truth beautiful,
you discover your power,
you get the opportunity to realize WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
And that my luv is a MF Manifestor.
You have the creative power of the universe,
of God moving through your veins and you get to create the picture that you want from it,
you no longer have to fret about all this imaginary beliefs that fake people in your life are believing, saying or thinking about you.
Matter a fact,
you get to create the image of YOU that you want.
You get to be YOU.
Free from all the garbage that you have been putting on yourself about what others believe.
You get to CHOOSE.
So if you want to do something wild and crazy….
GREAT!
Do it.
or don’t.
It does not matter.
If you want to change jobs,
change hair colors,
change locations,
change religions,
change lovers….
GREAT!
Do it!
or don’t.
These things are all you baby.
They are your choices.
This is your life.
And at the end of it,
you will only be dealing with YOU and God.
And what you “think” others are believing about you,
about your looks,
your intelligence,
your finances,
your purpose,
your ideas or anything,
well THINK again.
Because what they will be focused on,
is what they have always been focused on.
THEM.
And making what they feel is the best choice for their lives from where they are at RIGHT NOW.
And chances are,
if anything…
they are fearing what your beliefs are of them and their life more then they are thinking or believing anything about you and yours.
So go do that DAMN THING that you have been making excuses over the last six months,
the last year or five years.
Or don’t do it.
The choice is yours.
And this life that you claim you want to manifest,
it will come about when you stop making excuses and stop believing a bunch of illusions about what everyone else is believing about you.
Cuz’ honey, you are important,
but not that important to everyone else that you take up all their thought energy and belief focus.
It is time that you start being important to the most important person in your life….
YOU.
And owning what you want to create.
So stop making excuses or don’t.
Either way it does not matter to any more than one person on this planet….
YOU.
And you baby are worthy of saying YES to the life that you want.
You baby are worthy of manifesting effing greatness.
You baby deserve to live that empowered life.
Because from that empowered place…
you can touch others lives,
and you will start to matter at a deeper level then you could ever imaging.
But, still at the end of the day,
what you choose,
is YOU CHOOSING IT.
Or NOT.
Either way,
you are loved.
Just Be You Without the Excuses.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Let’s do this!
You and me,
this summer.
Break free from your shiz once and for all and fall in love with the dynamic, powerhouse that YOU are.
No one is like you.
And you have a life worth sharing,
worth enjoying.
You have one life love.
One.
Let’s make it a F-ck Yes! One NOW.
Message me for deet’s on how to do this.
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Too Many Tabs Open Will Cause You To Stop Feeling Your Life.

I have too many tabs open.

I cannot compute any longer.

My breaker box is on overload and it’s causing me to numb out.

 

Just this morning I was explaining to my lover that I am a person who does not do well with a bunch of unfinished projects just sitting around. It causes me stress and if I cannot get them completed by myself, if they are out of my control then I end up numbing myself out to them and thus to life.

 

I love dreaming things into reality.

There is no better feeling than to witness the birth of a dream being realized.

 

I love seeing things being built.

Coming together,

watching the walls of a project go up and picking out all the little details to make it my own.

I love seeing something come into reality.

 

Don’t you?

 

It feels good.

It feels fulfilling.

It has a certain charge to it.

And it makes you want to explore more,

dream more, feel more, witness more.

 

But when you get too many tabs open,

you end up with chaos.

And I don’t know about you but when my outside world has too many projects to complete and I look around,

I feel overwhelmed and anxious.

I don’t know where to start and I start to doubt myself.

All my self sabotage programs come up and I start to hear the roar of you are not good enough, there is not enough of you to go around, get your shit together, you are messy, you are scattered, you are lost.

 

And to a degree these programs are damn f-cking correct.

 

I am feeling chaotic, lost and like there  is not enough of me to go around.

 

And so, I turn myself off to feeling it.

These thoughts create a mindset that I know at my core will not do me any favors, so it is best to just disconnect from them. Shut that shit down or go into a panic or a rage about the mess of life.

 

My head in these times gets so overloaded with thoughts and my internal check list is longer than you can imagine.

 

So I attempt to shut it all down and turn away from it.

But there is a mighty big issue with this attitude that I am prone to.

 

You see you don’t get to just shut down one feeling.

or one thought line.

You don’t get to just turn away from this one thing,

or detach from it and look another direction without the same distancing happening there too.

 

That background thought processor is on overdrive and it’s running crazy.

The checklist is flashing warning lights at you when you close your eyes.

And you wake up and what are you greeted with?

 

The chaos.

All the tabs that you left open that were draining your energy even though you closed the lid to the computer to let it rest.

 

Closing the lid,  or detaching yourself from the list of chaos that is causing you overwhelm and anxiety can work in short spurts IF…

 

IF you open back up shortly thereafter and get the shit taken care of.

 

But if you just bounce from project to project ( tab to tab)

and never finish it up you drain yourself and never allow yourself to shut fully down to recharge.

 

In this case recharging means,

projects complete to you can be PRESENT in the moment with whatever you are doing to relax, to step away, to charge yourself.

 

This includes your sex life,

playful events, dates, experiences and just chilling with the family or friends.

 

Lately, I have noticed that I have too many tabs open.

And it’s causing me to numb out to everything because I am burned out mentally and emotionally with things.

I am starting to feel the spin of constant thoughts that won’t leave me to rest no matter what I try to do to step away and give myself a break.

 

My mind is on hyper drive.

And without rest I am having trouble being present in my life,

in my sex, in my work, in my daily yoga or just watching a movie.

 

This lack of presence and hyperdrive of thoughts has the nasty effect of stunting desire.

And leaves you with a feeling of, “I am bored.”

 

And when you are bored and desireless,

you don’t have much motivation,

much turn on for life or love or creation,

you don’t really care because caring would start up those engines of anxiety and overwhelm and your tank is empty to why bother.

 

So hands go up to the heaven,

you drop to your knees,

leane back on the floor and say….

 

“F-ck It!”

 

Too many tabs open.

It’s not a great space.

But right now in our world, I believe that many of us are feeling this way. We have been busy entertaining ourselves with home repairs, projects galore, picking up extra work, etc, etc,

and we have been more aware of all the spots in our life that we are not satisfied, that perhaps we feel blaise, or that we are just settling, just getting by.

 

Our souls are not designed for blaise or getting by.

We were not born with the desire to settle in life.

We are all creators.

We are all born to LIVE.

 

So what is the answer to, too many tabs open and what it causes in the long haul?

 

Close the effing tabs!

Deal with your shit.

and then allow yourself a reboot.

Give your mental, emotional and physical bodies a break.

It does not take long to recharge,

but if you keep those tabs open and just go through the motions of taking a break then you are doing yourself a disservice.

 

Today I encourage you to take things off your mental list by delegating, writing it down and hiring out what you can. Looking at what you actually need to get done and what you “think” you need to get done and letting go of anything that is causing you mental or emotional stress that is NOT NEEDED.

Then DO THE DAMN THINGS that will clear your tabs.

Once that’s done, go find humor.

Go find play.

Laugh.

And make your work be about being present in your body.

You have not allowed yourself to embody yourself all this time because your internal space was taken up with chaos and overwhelm, but now you can.

 

Give yourself permission to breathe into YOU.

 

You are worthy of THRIVING.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Learn the secrets of rebooting your life and thriving with 1:1 global access coaching now. It’s time you started living fully.

Message me for deet’s on my private coaching now.

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Speak Up Your Life.

Speak Your Vibe Up!
Speak it,
yell it,
talk about it.
You speak things into existence.
So be effing conscious of what you are manifesting.
The last few days I have been working with a bunch of people,
beautiful souls each and every one of them,
intelligent, courageous, strong, passionate, spiritual, loving people.
This is my tribe.
These are my clients.
And I am so proud of where each of them are and how they keep witnessing themselves and loving themselves into greatness.
However, the last few weeks there is a running theme.
And the theme is shitty talking,
I mean trash talk. Not smut talk, not crazy sexual talk,
but sheer trash thoughts that don’t make them feel good about life or self.
I see them getting caught up in loops of pain and suffering,
using terms such as,
“I can’t.”
“I tried.”
“I am stuck.”
And so many others.
These words are speaking them down.
Down in vibration.
Down in thought.
Down in emotion.
Down in movement and growth,
healing.
My response typically lands me a middle finger response or a “F – You!” as they don’t enjoy being told to STOP IT.
It’s not that easy to just STOP IT.
Beacuse these words are so natural and they are clarity based on relaity. There is passion around these words of “I can’t and I tried.”
It is a natural statement and feels so authentic.
But I want to bring you into a different reality,
the reality that if you are going through something similar as my client shere and feel like you are struggling, that you have been working your butt off but barely making it, that you have tried and tried and tried, but life just keeps showing you pain and struggle,
that you can change it.
You can speak up your vibration.
You can focus your words into creating a different reality for you to observe.
So instead of saying “I can’t”
Try saying “OMG! this _______________ is so amazing. It is the most magnificent thing.”
Skip the I can and go straight to the creation of what you are wanting.
For instance….
Say you are making $50,000 a year but you want to make more. You are putting in the time and effort but you are not seeing any change in income yet,
instead of saying,
” I am trying to figure out a way to make extra money to offset things but nothing seems to be popping for me.”
Say…(to yourself outloud in the mirror)
“I am so excited, I just made an extra $500 this week!”
“I am earning $75,000) this year, it’s magnificent.”
When we use words such as magnificent, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful, incredible they carry with them a higher vibration. We instantly change our energy.
But what is more important to realize here is that our words,
all of them CREATE.
They are the nails, the boards and the glue of our lives manifestations. From our words we build what our life experience is. And this is why so many people are struggling with their health, wealth and relationships.
Just yesterday I was speaking with a beautiful young woman that I am currently working with and I shared with her that when I turned 30 years old everyone around me told me how it was all downhill from here. That I was going to feel the age, I was going to gain weight and could not lose it, that I would start to get sick more and end up on medications and that I was now old.
I laughed about that and said, “That’s not my reality. My 30’s are going to be magnificent. Playful, healthy and strong.” I told myself how beautiful I was and how great I felt.
And guess what, it was so.
When I turned 40 I heard all the same shiz.
Except people told me that I was lucky that it did not happen in my 30’s, but now….
now it was for sure going to happen.
I was on the back side of my life.
And here I am at 44, mother to seven, and I feel great.
I get told all the time I don’t look my age,
I have vitality.
I take no medications.
And I still speak up my vibration to,
“That’s not my reality.”
I keep speaking my reality to what I want and I speak it daily in my thoughts,
to myself in the mirror,
I allow myself to act youthful,
I play,
I enjoy adventures,
I enjoy life.
And so it is that my life experience corresponds to what I am speaking into existence.
So many folks do the opposite though and they grow old and sickly just because they believe that when they hit a certain number of age that that’s the way it is supposed to be and they speak their lives down.
This is true with any subject area of our lives.
We can speak it up or we can speak it down.
So if you are one of the naysayers to your life and you are speaking about how you can’t, or how you are struggling,
how life is hard, how much pain you are in, how much crap keeps happening to you,
then all I can say is….
STOP IT!
Stop creating your misery.
Life is not doing anything to you that you are not asking for.
That you are not speaking into your experience.
And the more you play those negative records on replay,
the more you emotionalize the fear and pain, the struggle and drama,
and believe that its normal,
that its just the way it is because of your age, your income status, your sex, your country or religion,
the more you create with certainty.
It does not have to be that way though.
You can SPEAK UP YOUR VIBRATION,
thus the things that attract into your life expereince.
But you have to be willing to take responsibility for what you are saying to self and to everyone you come into conversation with.
You must watch your words.
They have power.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn how to Speak Up Your Vibe to Manifest the Life that You Really want to be living?
Message me on deet’s for my 1:1 coaching opportunities now.
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My Mom’s 85th Birthday Lesson To Me & To You

Today is a rough day for me.
I am going to get very human with you dear follower and let my heart be heard here,
Yesterday was mother’s day and I hope that if you are a mother or a woman who cares for others in a nurturing fashion that you allowed yourself a moment at very least to be supported and loved on some,
if not by others,
by yourself.
Because you deserve it.
You deserve it not because Hallmark or society has said that on this day you should be recognized and loved,
but because you are a human being with feelings,
with a heart and desires,
you work your mind and body to support and love on others,
some you may have birthed yourself physically,
others you held space for them in times when they needed held and loved,
allowing them to birth themselves through a difficult challenge,
others you guided and helped point out a new path too,
while others you simply just stood still and let them share.
You deserve to give yourself a moment to breathe,
because all of the mothering that you have been doing has helped make our world a better place,
the souls that you have touched you may never know,
because the ripple that your love has had is great and unseen to your current vantage point.
But you have touched more than you know.
The children that you are raising and have raised,
the children that have crossed through your life as friends of your own babies,
they have been impacted.
Your babies are our future.
And look at them.
You are the mother.
You are the one holding it together so they can learn how to swim.
You do not have to have actually birthed a child to be a mother,
motherhood is something that comes from our hearts,
It is an energy of unconditional love and desire to witness something beautiful awaken in our world.
It is a strength that only a mother can understand,
to stand and witness her child,
the one she cares so deeply for and would sacrifice everything for,
to open their wings and fly.
It is a smile that no one sees,
when you feel proud of that, that you have nurtured.
As many of you are aware,
I am the mother to seven, yes seven children, all that I birthed myself, ranging from 24 years down to 5 years.
These souls that God has blessed me to lead,
blessed me to nurture and raise,
to witness as they grow and become who they are,
are my why for everything that I do.
They are my why to lead,
to constantly get in touch with myself and know who I am and let them see me.
They are my why to show that you can thrive in life and still have deep connection, love and family.
They are my why to reveal that life is for the living not the existing,
that freedom starts in your own head and heart,
that doing what’s right may not always appear to be right to others and may go against the grain of society,
that we are all creators.
No matter our sex, we are manifestors of our lives,
they are my why to constantly focus on my energy,
and lead them to put themselves first and speak from their truth.
And yes I am a proud mama.
Because I have seven very unique children,
confident, focused, true to themselves children.
I see the ripple.
What makes today a tough day though,
is that my own mother, who’s birthday is today is turning 85.
And I am not with her.
You see my mama has dementia and she was moved to a home a distance away from me where I have not been able to see her for some time,
then COVID happened and you cannot visit the elderly.
My mom was already losing who I was a couple years ago,
she was thinking I was her sister and she was falling back into memories of Natzi Germany and concentration camps that they went through,
it became more and more difficult to see her in this state,
my heart would crack to witness her,
and I was struggling. So I had to come to terms with the reality that my mom was passing before my eyes while still “existing physically here.” I had to let her go.
And then I started to notice that she was getting more and more lost in her story lines, she at one point had me getting killed by the Mexican Mafia and told me a horrific tale,
so now, here on the day of her birthday I sit wishing that I could go hug her, tell her,
“Mom, I am doing good, your grandchildren are doing good, your great grandchildren are growing strong and happy, we are all good. We love you.”
But I cannot.
Mainly because of COVID,
but secondly the terror it would cause her to see her daughter resurrected from the dead,
followed with a brief moment of realization that she is not right in the head and that she is losing herself.
To witness her realizing that she cannot recall her life,
her loved ones, her memories or even be present in her current moment is a deep pain to bare,
to hold space for.
And now with COVID I am unsure if I will ever see her again.
And I have guilt and shame around this topic in my life.
I feel bad as though I am a horrible daughter for what appears walking away, staying away,
Letting her go.
Today I mourn my mom.
Today I let her go a bit more.
Today I say goodbye again.
It’s not a happy birthday but a good bye.
And my heart hurts at typing it.
My heart hurts at sharing this little reality with you dear one.
And so it is that all things come to pass.
All things must be let go,
and the lesson that I feel pressed on me,
is to not let your life go until it is time,
to stop existing and making excuses,
living in fear.
Because your days are not promised on this earth,
your memories can be lost while your body still remains.
There is much we must get right with letting go of,
but the moment of NOW is not one of them.
 
Love Now.
Live Now.
Stop Making Excuses.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Lets get you living now! What are you waiting for?
1:1 coaching available globally.
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When Life Is A Fight.

Life can be a fight.
Life certainly can be a struggle.
And you know how crappy that can feel,
When it seems like you are rubbing your penny’s together trying to make ends meet.
Living pay check to pay check,
Or maybe not even knowing if there will be a pay check or where funds will come from.
You sit in the fear of not knowing,
You feel the burning desire to have things be different,
You look into the eyes of your children and avoid your own in the mirror.
Plotting and planning,
Looking at opportunities,
Trying to keep hope alive but feeling the stress of reality.

Life can be fight in these moments.
You are fighting for what feels everything.
Fighting for survival.

And you know how you can change it?
You can change it by simply stopping to fight.

Stop fighting for your suffering.
Stop fighting for the scarcity of everything you desire.

Stop arguing on behalf of why the life that you want is not showing up.

Do you get it beautiful?
Can you see that all your fearing and stressing,
Your reasoning as to why it is the way that it is and your need to chitter chat and gossip about how messed up things are in your world is the true culprit of creating your mess.

Yes beautiful,
You are fighting the fight,
Because you feel like thats what you should do.
You are sharing your stories because you want it recognized that you are suffering despite all your focus, time and hard work.

You are wanting others to pat you on the head and say that they see you,
They see all you are doing and support that its not fair.
To say that you are so deserving and they too don’t get why things are the way they are.

Yes beautiful,
You are fighting to keep alive your suffering and lack.
You are fighting to be understood for your not having.
You want it to be okay.
And so you argue with anything or anyone who says it could be different.
Including your own heart and soul.

Its hard to hear our truth,
Its challenging to be responsible for our lives.
But if you are to ever have your dreams manifest,
Then its time to get clear.

Life is only a fight when you are the one fighting with it.

You were born to be thriving.
Born to experience well being in all areas.
You were born to feel the path beneath each step that you take and take it in ease,
Because your nature is that of one who lives in flow and creates consciously,
But you my beautiful are fighting against your truth.

And arguing in favor of the life you claim to want to change.

Its time though.
Its time to step forth and look yourself in the eyes,
To acknowledge the fears and support you have been offering those fears.

Its time claim the life that you were born to live,
The love that you were born to embrace,
The abundance that you were born to experience,
Its time beautiful to claim it all.

Take just 20 seconds out of your chaotic day to sit with yourself,
In stillness and rest,
Rest your mind and heart on a dream and hold it up to the heavens of your soul to be revealed.
But you must hold on to it from a place of having,
A place of loving,
And let go of the argument.
Let go of the fight.

In love this Mothers Day Weekend to all the mama’s out there who work so hard at keeping it all together and raising their babies ❤.
You were born to lead mama,
You were born to create,
Let your children see the superwoman that you are.

Live Unbound and free.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Message me for deets on my 1:1 coaching opportunities. I can kick your ass from anywhere, globally.

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I Am Unavailable for That and You Should Be Too.

Driving to Corpus Christie for Mothers Day weekend and as I sit here a passenger in my own car,
looking out the window at the fields and rolling hills of southern Texas,
cars passing by,
children chit chatting and humming in the back seat,
spouts of laughter with an occasional,
“Stop it! Don’t touch me.”
I realize that I am simply unavailable for not living my life the way I desire.

So much so, that I have created a new belief structure around what is my normal.

Even in the midst of a world pandemic,
My world remains unrocked.
My home is happy, stable and full of life.
There is laughter, joy, deep connection and adventure in each day.
We plan for the day and for our future.
We laugh and delight in the little moments together,
Never allowing space for just existing or getting by.

I was looking through pictures that I have taken over the last 90 days and it shows a life lived.
It shows many lives lived and enjoyed.

And I realize I am not available for just getting by, nor are my children or my man.

No, this idea that our lives must go on hold for a pandemic, for stay at home laws, masks, and at the base of it all for fear,
It does not stand in my life,
In my world or family.
Because at my core I have become unavailable for anything less than what feels good and in my life flow.

It was not always this way though,
Not all that long ago I was still available for chaos, for scarcity and even the belief that I must sacrifice myself to get by.

Before that I believed that life was a struggle,
That money was hard to come by,
That stability was something you long for but would never be,
That marriage, relationship was blah and that was normal,
That sex was non-orgasmic and that what I wanted did not matter. My words were never heard, my heart never felt, and that this was just normal.

I believed that I was an option,
And an option that I could never choose.

I believed that happiness was an option,
And one that I could never choose.

I believed that stability was an option,
And wealth was too,
But I could never choose these options because life was against me.

Life dictated my outcomes,
And it seemed like the harder I tried to achieve them, the more distant they became.

I believed that I had not suffered enough or proven myself enough, to have these luxuries.

And so it was,
Because back then…
I was so very available to all that I did not want.

I was available to making things an option,
And making them an option that I could not choose.

Life experiences and the people in my world supported this belief.

I never had to look far to see the evidence that what I thought was true,
Was.

But today…
Today this belief does not hold water.

Today I know different.
Today the evidence reveals something different,
Because that truth of before changed.

And I was the alchemist who changed it.

I did it by simply becoming unavailable to the things that I did not enjoy or want.

I did it by not making myself,
Or money, or happiness a choice.

They became mandatory.
They became what was natural and normal to my life.

I chose differently.
I went against my grain,
That, that I was taught.

I decided to create my own truth.
Can you believe that?

How ridiculous.
I chose my own truth.
I decided to stop buying into what this world wanted me to believe,
I decided to not let others ideas, beliefs, fears, perceptions define my truth.

And when I took back my truth,
And chose to not make myself or my happiness an option any longer,
My world changed and with it my life experiences that provided me the evidence that I was worthy without sacrificing my soul,
Without the need to suffer.

Yeah crazy I know.
But true.

And the even crazier thing is it truly happened over night almost.
My life results shifted instantly.

So I ask you today,
What are you available too?
And what are you unavailable too?

Perhaps these things need to flip flop so you can start living your truth,
Your happiness.

But what do I know?
It’s just my reality and I believe it could be yours too.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Ready to get your a*s kicked in the direction of your truth? Message me for deets.

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If You Don’t Have Courage You Are F-cked!

OMG! I am so addicted to Ozark.

I have been just loving this Netflix series and a person like myself that never really sits down to watch television of any sort. It’s perfect to find a series that is a few seasons in so I can binge watch it at points in my life when I am in the groove to do just that.

 

And that is what I have been doing in the evenings a few nights a week over the last month.

 

So I am on Season 3 of Ozark,

and don’t worry all you peep’s who are on previous seasons,

I am not going to spoil anything  for you in this share today.

But this season for sure does some twists and turns and leaves you going, “well that is about time” at points and then has you saying, “OMFG! did that just happen?” at other points.

 

The other night though, Wendy the main female lead for Ozark was putting on an event for this politician. As they were walking around the event site discussing things they end up in a conversation about what people want from a leader, and Wendy with her background in politics says to this man, “If you don’t have courage you are f-cked!”

 

This man’s face was questioning and curious to her statement, and she goes on to explain simply to him that the people want to see and will only follow and respect someone who has the balls to stand out there and speak up.

 

Which made me think about the truth of this statement.

And what it means to you and me,

the common folk (lol… I am far from f-cking common…and I hope that you are too.)

 

To be courageous in life.

To be courageous in our desires.

To be courageous in our relationships,

and with our health and well-being.

To be courageous in our work,

in our play,

in our spiritual paths.

 

Courageous equates to this simple truth,

Fortune or even better Well-Being and Abundance of all things wanted for favors the BOLD.

 

AKA – COURAGEOUS.

 

SO what Wendy in Ozark stated is true for any of us,

if we wanat for a life that manifests our dreams,

that provides us with the love and money,

the health and purpose,

the connection and respect,

the fulfillment that we want for,

then we must be couragous or we are f-cked.

 

In not being courageous we sacrifice EVERYTHING.

We turn it over to the luck of the draw you could say and our draw will remain of unsatisfactory measures because we are throwing our hands up and being a victim to the world instead of boldly standing in our dream, in our passion, in our truth.

 

People come to me all the time,

and even just this last few days in my dozen or so client appointment that I did 1:1 with beautiful peep’s,

I was presented the common statement of,

 

” I just can’t stop thinking this way.”

” I am just stuck right here and I don’t know what to do.”

“Everything I try doing does not work.”

“You said just turn my attention to something that feels better and that only works for a few moments then I am right back to the crazy, crazy in my head where I am caught in a negative loop.”

 

Well, my soul response to these statements,

these beliefs that are being verbalized is simple,

“It takes f-cking courage to catch yourself and to stay the course of loving yourself enough to see when you are down this rabbit hole and know that there is not a damn thing that you can do about it because you have built too much momentum around it.

 

It takes courage to see this truth, to take responsibility for it and love yourself out of it by dropping that ball of momentum and focusing in on something that feels totally off topic and silly,

even meaningless, but has no negative charge to it. Is easy. and then apply playful focus to this meaningless thought that actually feels good.

 

It takes courage to do this.

Because it goes against everything that we have been taught in our human experience by those who we love and respect, who have our best interest in heart and who have lived more than us. It takes courage to go against the concept that we have to dig more into an issue to resolve it and change it.

 

But when you truly think about it it’s crazy to keep adding more attention to that, that we do not desire to manifest. Focusing in on it will only guarantee our failure, or the same results that we have been getting and will only assure us more negative feelings and fear. It will only solidify the evidence against us.

 

You can not fix a problem as long as you are part of it.

You can not change negative thoughts and feelings that have a ton of momentum as long as you remain in them,

being in the middle of the thought and trying to think yourself out of it from that space of negativity and focus on the subject that you have resistance, thus pain wrapped up around will NEVER,

I mean never get you what you want.

You will never change your stinking thinking this way.

 

You will only expand and grow in it to create more of it and bounce around from negative thought to negative thought with a split second of relief here and there, only to give it back up again to what you are comfortable in,

the negative.

 

So if you are wanting to change your physical, mental and emotional experiences in your life to something that feels more fulfilling, loving, connective, joyful and abundant than you have to be courageous enough to catch yourself in your crap and then courageous enough to to drop it where it is and just except that that though path is going to run a muck, but you don’t have to keep playing with it, you don’t have to keep it active. And your best bet is to find something that is almost meaningless to play with, but is easy to think good about, to feel good about.

 

Create momentum around that and watch the other fizzle out.

 

It’s a bold move love.

It’s going to require you to step away from the comfort of chaos and drama,

away from your normal feelings,

away from what you perceive as your truth,

and to instead stand in courage and do what is right for you.

 

And when you do this consistently the rewards will be phenomenal.

Your life picture will change,

your path will expand and your dreams will start to emerge before your eyes like magic.

 

What you want for, wants you too.

But you have to have the courage to level up yourself and your life to manifest it with ease.

 

You are so worthy of this and more.

Have courage today to soothe yourself instead of beat yourself.

 

In love to you always.

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

 

It is time that you say YES to you.

Message Me for deet’s on 1:1 coaching now.

I can kick your a*s from anywhere globally.

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Subconscious Thoughts Effing Up Your Desired Life?

Thoughts turn to feelings,
and what do we do when we have been programmed so hard core to have negative thoughts,
or to feel guilty about certain things,
or shame even?
How do we clean up our subconscious minds and thoughts?
I mean we have all been told that these subconscious thoughts affect our outcomes. That they are sneaky little bastards that rise up and cause havoc in our lives and get us to self-sabotage when things are going so great.
Right?
And these subconscious thoughts impact our vibration,
our ability to create the life that we want for,
Right?
It can feel like a real battle to overcome and clean up this junk in our minds,
in our subconscious world.
I mean, shit its subconscious, so we gotta first make that stuff conscious so we can properly dispose of it,
Right?
Or maybe we can just put ourselves in a trance state and clean them up without even knowing we are cleaning them up?
Maybe.
But I want to share a little secret with you today.
It’s a good one too.
I want you to toss around the idea that maybe,
just maybe the only thoughts that actually impact your life and outcomes are not your subconscious ones but instead the thoughts that are ACTIVE.
So if it’s a subconscious thought,
a truly subconscious thought, meaning below consciousness
you won’t have feelings around it because there is not enough activation around it to compete with what your soul, your core really knows.
And here is what you really need to understand,
if you are having a feeling around the thought….
then it’s NOT a subconscious thought,
its and active thought that’s in competition,
or not.
You can have an active thought that’s not in competition with who you really are and what you really know,
and that thought will feel like a good idea.
That thought will feel energizing,
you will feel vitality from it,
you will have interest in it.
It’s really only the thoughts that are in opposition to what your soul knows….
for example if you are thinking a thought like,
“I am not good at this, I can’t succeed at this.”
Then your soul is not thinking this,
your soul knows differently,
and therefore you will be feeling a negative feeling.
So, don’t worry about subconscious thoughts weighing you down or being a disadvantage to you,
because they are not.
They are so subconscious that you are not feeling around them, they are a non-player to your life experiences.
It is only the things that you are feeling around that are players in your point of attraction,
in the experiences that are manifesting for you right now.
So this makes things far easier right?
If it feels good, yeah keep it active.
If it does not, stop thinking those thoughts.
But it is not that easy to just stop thinking these negative thoughts.
Because the law of attraction keeps them coming,
and that’s why we come up with this flawed concept that there must be subconscious thoughts playing against us and making all this shit happen.
Because logically, we look at the pain and crap and think,
“I would not do this to myself, so it must be subconscious.”
But it is NOT subconscious,
it’s VERY CONSCIOUS.
And you keep thinking these thoughts and creating these results because it is easier to think these thoughts because they have momentum, then it is to stop thinking that thought.
You get it?
So what do you do?
You have to know that there are other thoughts,
there are other thoughts that feel better,
that you are conscious sof as well,
and are ACTIVE as well,
and you CAN, with a little bit of effort hook into these thoughts and create stronger momentum with them,
shifting your perspective from that,
that is easy and negative to that,
that you actually desire to feel and create.
Many years ago, well actually about 15+ years I used to be so reactive to my thoughts, because they caused me to feel so yucky and angry, sad, guilty, shameful, empty, etc. And I believed to my core that this is just the way my life was. No matter how much self-growth work I did or how much journalling and workshops I went to, my results were bleak and my feelings were not what I desired.
I would flair up over little things it would seem,
but these little things had deep root systems in my mind and feelings. So I would get triggered easily and mad that someone had triggered me, then go into my victim mode and blow up in one fashion or another, or worse hold it all in and distance myself from all feelings, I would seem indifferent to life and those around me.
I spent years believing that I was aloof and introverted, when in fact I was just churning around and creating more momentum in these negative attitudes and thoughts.
I would stew on things and analyze them every way possible,
I would work my butt off to change things,
and I would deep dive into my issues,
without gaining the results that I wanted ever.
And then one day….
I learned this simple truth that I shared above.
It was not my subconscious thoughts,
It was not my past or my programming,
it was what I CHOSE TO KEEP ACTIVE in my mind and feelings.
It was where I was applying my attention.
And I had the power to look at whatever I desired.
I had the ability to focus myself little by little toward the thoughts that provided me the feelings that I wanted.
And from there would create the life experiences that I wanted.
But I had to choose to stop doing what was easy and let myself run down that rabbit hole of negative thoughts.
I had to choose to catch myself when I did, and not beat myself up over it, but simply change my direction of focus.
And now what used to take me 2 years to move through only takes me five minutes or less.
That’s it.
That’s the secret to getting everything that you want.
That’s all you ever have to do.
Be present and conscious of what you are choosing and stop making excuses around why you cannot do the self-check work of catching yourself.
Or the other option,
accept what you are getting with your stinking thinking and STOP bitchin’ about it,
because you created it,
CONSCIOUSLY.
So if you are sitting here today on this fine Monday and questioning why your world or this one or two subjects in your life are not going the way you want,
no matter how much effort you put in on them,
no matter how much you smile and do the damn things that you believe will get you the results that you want and see others getting from less work or the same,
then I am speaking to you luv,
I am speaking to you who wonders ,
“Why am I so unhappy.”
“Why do I not ever have good things happen.”
“Maybe I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, healed enough, etc.”
or blaming your parents, your religion or government and upbringing for why your life is the way it is,
Nope it’s you baby.
You are creating this all with the thoughts you are keeping active.
Is it time to change what you want to keep active?
I would say so.
 
And As Always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.
 
It is time that you say YES to you.
Message Me for deet’s on 1:1 coaching now.
I can kick your a*s from any where globally.