I CHOOSE US…
I CHOOSE ME…
Relationship creates a space where we want to fully submerge ourselves.
Loose ourselves in the love.
In the connection.
In each other.
It feels amazing as we come together with another soul,
And are greeted and held in this feeling of love and acceptance.
So much so that without realizing it we give away pieces of ourselves over the course of time.
We stop doing things that we once enjoyed,
We stop being around people even that filled us, stirred us or supported us in different ways because we feel that this relationship that holds our hearts is enough.
And the very idea that perhaps this relationship is not enough,
Not should it ever be enough even,
This is our home.
This is love.
And love means to put all your focus,
All your needs and hopes,
Thats what commitment is.
To choose the relationship.
Yet here is also the demise of the relationship.
You see when we put the relationship before self,
We turn over ourselves and can easily get lost in the life of the relationship instead of the life that we are to be living.
This leads to anxiety, frustration, jealousy, worry, fear of abandonment and bitterness.
The more we focus on the CHOOSING OF US instead of the choosing of self,
The more empty and lost we will find ourselves.
Because we are no longer focused on aligning to our own soul,
But instead aligning to the picture and expectations of the relationship.
The strongest relationships are built on two individuals who are strong and confident in themselves without each other first.
Relationship helps us learn and heal different new and old aspects of ourselves.
Relationship adorns our lives with its beauty and connection,
But it is not to be the foundation, beams and walls as well of who we are and our happiness or confidence.
When a person is aligned first with self and God,
Then they can open and align into a relationship that fits who they are verses a relationship that needs them to be someone and something that they are not.
When we mold ourselves to a relationship we give away who we are.
We turn from our core,
From our soul and alignment of self and God,
In the belief that that is what love requires inorder to maintain.
However, the truth is that love recieves you just as you are.
Love focuses us on us first.
Love knows that it only exists when each individual loves themselves deeply,
And that authentic love ( not need masked as love)
Is present in self first.
Authentic love is only present because of the love we feel for self.
Any other format of it is based in an attempt to feel solid in self based on anothers attention.
TRUE LOVE CHOOSES ME FIRST.
Authentic love always chooses the self first because it is there that alignment comes from.
It is there that love manifests from.
And without the self first you walk in the land of loss, emptiness and fear.
So I ask you today to look at your ” love based relationship” and ask yourself.
Do I choose US or ME?
Leaning into your truth and soul will lead you to the space that will fill you from a deep level of love, support and build your confidence in who you are so that you can give and recieve an unconditional love with your partner.
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Reach out to learn how to strengthen self to strengthen your love.
COMING TOGETHER IN THE WOUND…
OR TOGETHER IN THE HEALING…
We meet our mirrors at different points in time on our life journey.
We are intrigued, even aroused by these meetings.
We sometimes catch the feels,
And get committed.
And often this is the exact case that creates a defined relationship in today’s society.
Two people living thier own life experiences,
Meeting and connecting from thier wounded selves. From a space of feeling broken, fearful, unworthy and incomplete.
And they find themselves drawn into another who is just this as well.
They find this other lost soul who has all these similarities and hopes.
They share thier pain, thier saga and desire to have something more.
And so like magnets they connect.
They feel supported feeding each other the understanding and love that they crave.
They feel seen, heard and like thier mate gets them.
And they do.
Because both are operating from the wound.
The wound remains to a degree for both,
It gets triggered here and there,
Bringing doubt and fear into the hearts of the couple.
But they come together and assure each other that they are there.
And then it happens…
One of them starts to feel better.
Stops masking thier pain,
Stops hiding in thier guilt and suffering and chooses to open up again.
Chooses to breathe life in again.
Choose to heal,
To grow and become whole yet again.
And when this happens thier mate is provided an opportunity to do the same or to burrow themselves into more sadness.
More frustration and fear.
And thus end the relationship.
Because you see when one grows and heals and the other does not then it is the destiny of the relationship to end.
Growth and healing increases your vibration.
It will have you feeling full, in love with life, good about yourself and have you desiring for more in all of your life.
When vibrations increase for one partner but the other does not match vibration any longer then the two will start to experience challenges in connection, understanding each other, there will become an irritation between them like sandpaper and unless one of them does something to change thier frequency then its inevitable that they will split.
Now granted the one who started to grow, heal, transform certainly could hault thier opening. They could work on shrinking themselves again, and grow slower but typically even though this is a possibility it rarely happens because the momentum of growth becomes intoxicating and neither party want a shrinkage to happen.
Even though it quickly becomes evident as to what will occur.
So obviously the best choice to maintain the relationship is for the other partner to take self- responsibility and lean into the scary land of transformation. But its tricky.
They have to lean in because they want the growth for self…
Not just to save the relationship,
Otherwise the vibration will become needy and cause even more irritation between the two.
You cannot lie about your vibration.
And you cannot manipulate your vibration.
On the other spectrum,
Coming together in healing…
Or in growing.
When we meet someone in this place,
Where we are each doing our work,
Learning to take responsibility for self, emotions and actions.
Leaning into our hearts and souls and catching the ego,
When we meet from a place of expansion we find ourselves again feeling deep connection, understanding, love and catching the feels for this other person who is meeting us where we are.
And it feels beautiful.
It feels supportive but not like the crutch of the wounded connection,
Instead supportive from a sense of freedom to be self and to be witnessed just as we are.
This sort of bonding,
As long as both parties continue to love self first, own thier emotions, thoughts and actions and keep leaning into thier individual expansions,
Then they together will connect deeper,
Be witnessed from a truly authentic level,
Experience a quickening in personal growth as well as a melding and accelerated joint growth and transformation which will with its individual vibrational increases also create a worm hole of momentum toward the couples unity.
Here a couple can experience the highest of relationship connectedness in vulnerability, intimacy and authentic unconditional love.
They will be able to cross through challenging waters together because they both built strong individual boats first and are sailing the choppy seas of life side by side, supporting each other but not trying to glue thier boats together in need which only creates instability and weakness in self and relationship.
True mature loving relationship understand and value self and growth first.
They choose to journey together because its a beautiful transformational path to share but they do not need someone by thier side to love the path they are on.
They do what they do because it feels good to them and for them,
Not because they aim to please anyone else.
Look at your relationships of today and yesterday,
Were they founded in the wound or in healing and growth?
What is your desire in your relationship story?
And how is the founding of your current expanding you or holding you back?
Time to get clear.
Time to be real.
Time to connect from strength.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Reach out to me to discover how you can call in a high vibe relationship today.
JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT.
Thats all it is to be.
But you my love are afraid of your point of attraction.
You are afraid that you will be too much.
That you will stand out in the crowd of everyone else who chooses to deny thier happiness and blessing.
Why do you give so much attention to what you do not want?
Why do you go searching for problems and daydreaming about them?
To live a F-ck Yes Life you must give up….
Yes give the f-ck up on being available to everything that is not fun.
Is not able to be done in ease.
Are you struggling?
In a piss poor mood?
Always searching, hungry but never happy.
These are signs that you believe that it must be hard. That you must struggle.
That life is not there to back you.
And so you refuse to leap forward.
You turn away from the heights of bliss.
You find reasons and excuses as to why…
Why you cannot do, be or have.
You argue love.
You argue for your limitations in all the things you want most for.
And then you blame.
You weep in the shadows of what could have been.
The sad truth is that all this constriction you feel,
All this lack you are standing in,
All this drama and trauma you point fingers of blame toward.
You attracted it to you because you BELIEVE that you cannot have the life you desire.
And you believe that if you actually allowed yourself to love life,
To stop and smell the flowers,
To laugh more,
Make love more,
And do the damn things that make you happy,
That you would no longer be recieved by this world.
Seriously, how can you be happy in a world so caught up in pain and anger?
How can you be laughing and enjoying your days when so many others are miserable and suffering? When bad things, very bad things are occurring all over?
This would make you seem an uncaring soul.
Caught up only in self, not concerned about the world or whats happening. You must have no virtues.
But I ask you this love.
How is tainting your life with pain and scarcity truly helping to pull anyone else out of the swamp they are in?
How is your suffering and lack of abundance helping move our planet to a healthier state? Or doing anything good for anyone?
Just for the fun of it….
Just for this moment in time…
Take thirty seconds,
To close your eye’s,
Breathe deep into your gut,
Relax your whole being,
Smile a happy thought.
And feel it fully.
Imagine it as though it already was.
Imagine if you starting playing this creation game daily.
Imagine what might occur.
Could it be so simple as to what you apply your thoughts and feelings too is what you reap in life as well?
And if it changes nothing,
Then you have risked nothing but thirty seconds of your day.
But if blessings start to happen.
Your thinking change.
Your emotional state level up.
And you start to allow yourself to enjoy this magical life of yours…
Well then my love you will be risking EVERYTHING.
Because your whole life will evolve.
And you my dear will be no more,
For you will become that person you have desired all these years,
Living, breathing, tasting, f-cking the way you have always dreamed.
That is a risk that 99.9% of humans are not comfortable taking.
So best off you just keep b-tching about your problems and drama,
Weeping about how hard life is.
So you don’t have to risk transforming.
Risking birthing who you truly are.
Just stay right there love.
Stay as you are.
And I will venture out and live in abundance.
You can watch me from afar.
Enjoy my journies and love making.
The smile upon my face.
Although I wish you were here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
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Available globally 1:1 four part series where you and I take the rest of 2020 by the horns and direct it where you want it to go.
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YOU GIVE ME PERMISSION TO LIVE…
Here is something that I get told frequently.
Especially right now with everything that is going on in our world.
And it is amazing that people refuse to give themselves permission to live. I mean shit…. IT IS YOUR LIFE…
and it is the only one that you have to live.
“cuz even if pastlives are a real thing,
THIS LIFE is still the one you are living right now and will have memories of as you move through your years.
So you’re sittin’ on your pretty little or big ass dreaming about living,
but making up reasons as to why you cannot,
and maybe you are just simply scared of living,
because you believe all the propaganda going around right now to keep you in a state of fear,
the reality is still the same….
THIS IS YOUR ONLY F-CKING LIFE.
And you love,
you are the only one who can live it.
Therefore it is up to you and only you to give yourself permission to do just that.
All this fear that is being stacked up against you is bullshit.
Do you get that?
Interesting little fact,
you are more likely to win the lottery than to catch this popular newly spoken of virus that is going around.Yeah, according to recent updates from the CDC this virus that you are staying home for and have chosen to stop living your life over has only a 0.2% death rate. That means that you have twice the chance of catching it as you do getting struck by lightning depending on where in the world you live.
Maybe we should all stay on home arrest during thunderstorms and stop the world…
In truth, this share has nothing to do with COVID.
Or the crazy shut downs and world destruction that is happening because of it,
it is however about you using yet something else to make an excuse to not live your amazing life.
COVID is just your most current reason,
and you have the world craze and lack of logic to support your own lack of logic and fear of stepping up to the plate and breathing into your power.
You right now have media support,
telling you that you should stop living.
You should stop loving your life.
You should fear your friends and family,
your neighbors and the strangers at the store.
And that it is OKAY to not have courage.
Courage to live.
Courage to say yes to your life and your power.
But when COVID is gone….
and it will be gone at some point because with a 0.2% death rate it will not be in the frontlines of control forever,
WHAT WILL YOU LEAN ON THEN TO SAY NO TO LIVING YOUR LIFE?
Let’s talk about this reality.
‘Cus you know that there will be something.
You always find something,
and then you watch others out there living and thriving,
loving and growing,
and you feel your heart lower,
you feel your gut turn,
and your soul yell at you,
and you block them all.
It hurts too much to bear the pain.
That suffering of not living to your maximum potential.
It’s a MF B*tch!
I get it.
I use to walk through life like this,
and I made excuses daily for it.
Then one day I got sick and tired of my suffering and my weak ass approach to my own world.
I chose differently.
I woke up, you could say and realized that time did not care about my excuses and damn good reasons as to why I was waiting to live.
Time did not wait for me.
Time did not give a rat’s rear end about my fears.
And it does not care about yours either.
There is your reality check of the day.
So when I hear someone say to me,
“Kendal you live life to the fullest, I wish I could do that.”
“Just Do It Then.”
And when they say,
“I am waiting till the perfect moment to start living. I have this thing I am working on right now.”
“Stop That. You will work through whatever that is far quicker if you learn to say yes to living and yourself, and show yourself some f-cking love instead of replaying that negative record over and over again.”
And when they say,
“Someday, someday I will find the courage. Someday I will be ready to step out and do the things that I want.”
“What are you waiting for? Lighting to strike you. Because your chances of that happening is about 0.2% odds for every one million, if you live in Europe. You might have more luck getting struck in Asia or Africa, like in Zimbabwe, where it can be 100’s of times higher. Good luck!”
If you are one of these beautiful souls that is terrified to start living right now,
let this message today be a spiritual base bat,
Your life is not going to wait for you love.
Your life it is happening no matter how you feel about it,
no matter where your comfort is or not.
And the fact is the same for all of us on this planet.
We all are give the same amount of hours in each day,
what we choose to do with them is ours only.
Life is a risky game that we were each born into and play each day that we wake to our hearts beating and our lungs filling with air.
No such thing as risk free living.
Sheltered at home,
exploring the world,
opening to love,
or closing down our hearts.
It’s all a risk.
What matters is your happiness and fulfillment.
Are you happy?
Are you fulfilled?
If you died today would you be able to say you have no regrets?
But if I, Kendal Williams can give you permission to start living the life that God/Universe blessed with an opportunity to enjoy and live, well then so be it…
You have my blessing and permission to GO LIVE.
Well Go On Then…
Oh wait…. You found another reason huh?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Reach out to me to learn about how you can turn one minute a day into magick. The Magick Minute Program to manifest your desired life with ease.
I got dropped.
Again and again.
Over and over.
In the mental health and spiritual community, we are taught to focus in on the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and also that we are the most important person in our lives.
The notion that we must take care of self first and foremost and that we can not control another person’s feelings.
All very true teachings.
Yet, like much of life… it’s not always clear cut.
Today I sit here wrestling with my ego.
Because although we are the center of our own universe and must take care of ourselves. There are also times as humans where I believe we DO take second fiddle and time where we ARE responsible to a certain level for someone.
In truth, there are times where we lend our trust to another and have an agreement that we won’t get dropped. There is a consent put into place that if someone steps into a certain level of vulnerability, trust, and openness that we will be held.
If you are asking for vulnerability… then you should be able and willing to hold the other person’s vulnerability.
If you are asking for someone to step into trust… then you should be willing to stand steady to hold their deepening.
If you want your partner to truly surrender in sex and fully open to their next level orgasmic energy then you ARE offering SPACE… and you are therefore responsible for holding that space if they allow that surrender. The time, the emotion, the energy, etc.
And so you DO hold a level of responsibility for that other human.
Does that take away their responsibility for self???
Of course not.
We are still responsible ultimately, as adults, for ourselves but from a base level of not being self-centered as*holes…
It is important that we hold ourselves responsible for situations in which we are stepping into.
And therefore, there are times in our lives when we are NOT the most important person. There are times when despite us being in emotion that we must learn impulse control and learn to breathe into our feelings. There are times when it is appropriate to put others needs before our own.
I know that many will say… “You’re the most important person in your life and it’s okay to be selfish”.
And I agree with this most of the time.
We live in a society where we don’t know how to truly take care of self and where we often try to be people pleasers. On a daily basis, this is not healthy and will drain us consistently.
Being focused on taking care of self is perfectly beautiful.
Though the issue happens when we are only self-focused to the detriment of others needs and consent.
This is particularly true in our sex… and where my personal focus on this topic seems to be today.
When your woman (or man) opens up, when you have asked them either verbally or non-verbally to step to that deeper level of surrender.…
Then you are a straight-up A**hole if you drop them!
This past weekend, I did a bi-annual Summer Orgasm Camp. It is my favorite workshop because of the different things that get brought up and the healing I see happening at the event.
The conversation ventures everywhere from energy, to shame, to tantric practices, to good old straight sex education that is missing.
But for this particular workshop, I am blessed to not just teach but also to be the model.
I got deep… I got vulnerable… I opened…
And I got my ass dropped no less than 6 times.
My orgasm got dropped
My boundaries got dropped
My deep-hearted requests
A moment where I, yes I, am the most important person in the room barring a MAJOR emergency.
Most of these drops were unintentional or unavoidable.
Welcome to putting on my big-girl panties!!!
Everyone is there at the event in a learning process.
I actually go in knowing that I will get dropped a few times… particularly in the orgasmic energy realm.
And it is a beautiful experience for me to work on taking care of myself energetically and asking for what I need.
Though there was a pivitol moment for me at the workshop that truly shows where we constantly drop people in sex, in relationship, and in life.
And more importantly, shows an example of when someone else’s needs come before our own.
At the event.
After the demo and lab are totally complete (and therefore the workshop), there is an aftercare process of bringing me back into my body and grounding me energetically that is an agreed-upon process with my co-teacher.
Giving me a few moments where I get to breathe… share any emotions coming up after being touched by many random strangers…and also to make sure I am physically doing alright.
This time I was feeling unusually ungrounded and dizzy from the energy. I was also experiencing a variety of emotions and had some physical issues arising as a result.
The pivitol moment happened the moment I sat up and a gentleman came up asking questions and continued to pull her away from me.
My co-teacher shared no less than three times that she needed to focus on supporting me and she would be happy to answer these at another time.
I overheard him state several times that he was needing to talk…
DEMANDING with his words and actions her attention.
DEMANDING that she refocus from me to him.
AND FORCING HER physically to leave my side.
NOT respecting boundaries she continued to state
NOT respecting my process after being vulnerable with him and the rest of the class
This is a beautiful example and a mirror for what we often do in the bedroom and life.
Not being present enough and confident in our own ability to hold our emotions that we vicariously walk over others and also in that lack of presence we DROP the other people in the situation.
Whether we realize it or not we send out self-centered vibes
A selfish person would have gone and taken care of self.
Would have asked if the other person was available and if they were not available would then find another tool in the self-care toolbox to manage.
Sometimes others needs do trump ours in certain moments.
This does not mean that our needs don’t matter!
Of course, our needs matter!
This just means that there are priorities in life and sometimes we can’t be the priority.
Sometimes the priority is in learning to hold ourselves
Sometimes the priority is in waiting until we can have true focused attention
Because I know for a fact that the gentleman this weekend did not get my co-teachers full attention and presence.
And in fact, becomes a “using” energy.
The orgasmic energy was used and appreciated and needed for the learning and then easily thrown away when it no longer was serving him.
And we all have done this at some point.
We are human and so therefore constantly dropping each other consciously and unconsciously.
Where could you be dropping the energy and stepping out of selfish energy and into self-centeredness today?
Love, Light, & Blessings,