WHEN SOMEONE WANTS YOU TO BE SOMETHING THEY REFUSE TO SEE WHO YOU ARE…
Over and over again I am reminded of just how blind we humans can be in our relationships.
And then we wonder why people shut down, walk away or get upset with us.
But it is often because we are blinded by our own desires and beliefs of who people are and how we want them or expect them to show up in relationship with us that creates this disharmony.
Recently I have been blessed with the opportunity to witness numerous people in my life sharing with me how they perceive me. Who they think I am, how they think I should react or expect me to react, what they believe my desires are in life, work, and even in my intimate relationships and more.
And it is interesting and saddening to witness these people do just this because I sit here realizing that the reality is that no matter how much I show up differently then what they believe,
no matter how much I communicate who I am RIGHT NOW, or what my desires are, what my boundaries are that they simply cannot hear me and actually believe often that it is not them but me with the communication issues.
I have served my fair share in the land of not communicating well.
I have had my issues with boundaries and stating what I am a F-ck Yes too and what I am a F-ck No too,
and I have moments in my current as well where I drag my feet and try to read between the lines or make the best decision that will cause the least amount of hurt feelings, be the best for someone else and put myself on the back burner….
(I am human and all and get caught in my own crap. Shhhhhh…. I get it…. I know better. I do.)
But at the end of the day,
I have looked my shadow self in the eye many a time,
I have felt into my ego and called it out of the darkness and see it for what it is more frequently then not,
and when it comes to speaking up and out on things,
well often I don’t give two sh*ts and just state it as it is.
So in this understanding of the timid young woman that was the wall flower just a little over decade ago who would get trampled by many, to the woman that I am today that has a deep understanding that I am only responsible for my emotions, thoughts and actions and I cannot make anyone else happy,
I find myself in awe of so many people in my life who simply refuse to see who I am.
Old lovers, spouses, friends, children and even clients have recently revealed how they are stuck in an older version of me.
To the point that they REFUSE to see or allow any sort of change in my pattern, even when it is so vastly different right in their face.
But WHY IS THAT?
Why do we humans refuse to allow others to change?
Why do we ignore who someone is, trying to become or even acting on being in any area of their life?
The answer in my opinion is pretty f-cking simple…..
BECAUSE IT DOES NOT SERVE OUR BEST INTEREST IN OUR MIND OR DOES NOT GRANT US WHAT WE WANT FROM SAID INDIVIDUAL.
If our drinking buddy who has been our wing man for the last decade suddenly sobers up and gets married,
then where does that leave us?
In our life and choices?
If they start to make changes and different choices that do not support what we are wanting then no matter how happy we may be for them, we find ourselves feeling lost and lonely suddenly.
And the reason is that we are looking for some form of our happiness, our fulfillment to be met by this other person.
And in order for us to have what we want THEY NEED TO STAY OR BE SOMETHING THAT SUPPORTS THIS VERSION of who we want.
It has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us.
We can say that we want the best for someone else,
and I have heard that statement a lot over the 100 days,
but when it comes down to it we will tell our loved one that they are overreacting, that they are not seeing things straight, that they are having a midlife crisis, going crazy, are no longer fun or are now being anti-social. We will find fault in their actions, demeanor, thoughts and feelings and when they share who they are and what they want from life we will unconsciously plug our ears, close our eyes and act like a four year old by chanting nah-nah-nah in our heads and never notice that we are doing any of the sort but instead turn around and tell our loved one that they got it all wrong, it’s this way and not that. That they want this or that instead.
To take it to extreme levels,
its like we are raping our loved one’s.
And what I mean by that is that it is like the rapist that tells the woman that she is wet when she is dry and that she is turned on when she is terrified and then thanks her for making him feel so good.
Now granted that I know that this is an extreme,
but the truth is that anytime when we refuse to see who someone is showing up as, refusing to hear their words and tell them that they are the ones who are not communicating or saying something else, or tell someone that they are just this or that when they are not, what we are doing is denying that person in totality.
We are making our desires and views of who they are more important than who they really are and we are forcing our will on them.
We all are guilty of doing this in life and in relationships.
First we must recognize this fact.
We are all blind to the people in our lives and we get caught up in who we perceive them to be.
That is why it is so true that perception is reality.
When perception becomes so strong often the person who is making the change falls weak after time and just gives into what “everyone” is saying and believing and the only true way for them to get away from said perceived reality is to fully disconnect from those who are stating it.
So I ask you today,
Where are you believing that you really know someone and in truth are actually not allowing them to be them?
Where is your blindness in the relationship?
And As Always,
Stop Existing And Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know more about how to create dynamic magical relationships based in truth and love? Reach out to me today for 1:1 mentorship now.
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I CHOOSE US…
I CHOOSE ME…
Relationship creates a space where we want to fully submerge ourselves.
Loose ourselves in the love.
In the connection.
In each other.
It feels amazing as we come together with another soul,
And are greeted and held in this feeling of love and acceptance.
So much so that without realizing it we give away pieces of ourselves over the course of time.
We stop doing things that we once enjoyed,
We stop being around people even that filled us, stirred us or supported us in different ways because we feel that this relationship that holds our hearts is enough.
And the very idea that perhaps this relationship is not enough,
Not should it ever be enough even,
This is our home.
This is love.
And love means to put all your focus,
All your needs and hopes,
Thats what commitment is.
To choose the relationship.
Yet here is also the demise of the relationship.
You see when we put the relationship before self,
We turn over ourselves and can easily get lost in the life of the relationship instead of the life that we are to be living.
This leads to anxiety, frustration, jealousy, worry, fear of abandonment and bitterness.
The more we focus on the CHOOSING OF US instead of the choosing of self,
The more empty and lost we will find ourselves.
Because we are no longer focused on aligning to our own soul,
But instead aligning to the picture and expectations of the relationship.
The strongest relationships are built on two individuals who are strong and confident in themselves without each other first.
Relationship helps us learn and heal different new and old aspects of ourselves.
Relationship adorns our lives with its beauty and connection,
But it is not to be the foundation, beams and walls as well of who we are and our happiness or confidence.
When a person is aligned first with self and God,
Then they can open and align into a relationship that fits who they are verses a relationship that needs them to be someone and something that they are not.
When we mold ourselves to a relationship we give away who we are.
We turn from our core,
From our soul and alignment of self and God,
In the belief that that is what love requires inorder to maintain.
However, the truth is that love recieves you just as you are.
Love focuses us on us first.
Love knows that it only exists when each individual loves themselves deeply,
And that authentic love ( not need masked as love)
Is present in self first.
Authentic love is only present because of the love we feel for self.
Any other format of it is based in an attempt to feel solid in self based on anothers attention.
TRUE LOVE CHOOSES ME FIRST.
Authentic love always chooses the self first because it is there that alignment comes from.
It is there that love manifests from.
And without the self first you walk in the land of loss, emptiness and fear.
So I ask you today to look at your ” love based relationship” and ask yourself.
Do I choose US or ME?
Leaning into your truth and soul will lead you to the space that will fill you from a deep level of love, support and build your confidence in who you are so that you can give and recieve an unconditional love with your partner.
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Reach out to learn how to strengthen self to strengthen your love.
COMING TOGETHER IN THE WOUND…
OR TOGETHER IN THE HEALING…
We meet our mirrors at different points in time on our life journey.
We are intrigued, even aroused by these meetings.
We sometimes catch the feels,
And get committed.
And often this is the exact case that creates a defined relationship in today’s society.
Two people living thier own life experiences,
Meeting and connecting from thier wounded selves. From a space of feeling broken, fearful, unworthy and incomplete.
And they find themselves drawn into another who is just this as well.
They find this other lost soul who has all these similarities and hopes.
They share thier pain, thier saga and desire to have something more.
And so like magnets they connect.
They feel supported feeding each other the understanding and love that they crave.
They feel seen, heard and like thier mate gets them.
And they do.
Because both are operating from the wound.
The wound remains to a degree for both,
It gets triggered here and there,
Bringing doubt and fear into the hearts of the couple.
But they come together and assure each other that they are there.
And then it happens…
One of them starts to feel better.
Stops masking thier pain,
Stops hiding in thier guilt and suffering and chooses to open up again.
Chooses to breathe life in again.
Choose to heal,
To grow and become whole yet again.
And when this happens thier mate is provided an opportunity to do the same or to burrow themselves into more sadness.
More frustration and fear.
And thus end the relationship.
Because you see when one grows and heals and the other does not then it is the destiny of the relationship to end.
Growth and healing increases your vibration.
It will have you feeling full, in love with life, good about yourself and have you desiring for more in all of your life.
When vibrations increase for one partner but the other does not match vibration any longer then the two will start to experience challenges in connection, understanding each other, there will become an irritation between them like sandpaper and unless one of them does something to change thier frequency then its inevitable that they will split.
Now granted the one who started to grow, heal, transform certainly could hault thier opening. They could work on shrinking themselves again, and grow slower but typically even though this is a possibility it rarely happens because the momentum of growth becomes intoxicating and neither party want a shrinkage to happen.
Even though it quickly becomes evident as to what will occur.
So obviously the best choice to maintain the relationship is for the other partner to take self- responsibility and lean into the scary land of transformation. But its tricky.
They have to lean in because they want the growth for self…
Not just to save the relationship,
Otherwise the vibration will become needy and cause even more irritation between the two.
You cannot lie about your vibration.
And you cannot manipulate your vibration.
On the other spectrum,
Coming together in healing…
Or in growing.
When we meet someone in this place,
Where we are each doing our work,
Learning to take responsibility for self, emotions and actions.
Leaning into our hearts and souls and catching the ego,
When we meet from a place of expansion we find ourselves again feeling deep connection, understanding, love and catching the feels for this other person who is meeting us where we are.
And it feels beautiful.
It feels supportive but not like the crutch of the wounded connection,
Instead supportive from a sense of freedom to be self and to be witnessed just as we are.
This sort of bonding,
As long as both parties continue to love self first, own thier emotions, thoughts and actions and keep leaning into thier individual expansions,
Then they together will connect deeper,
Be witnessed from a truly authentic level,
Experience a quickening in personal growth as well as a melding and accelerated joint growth and transformation which will with its individual vibrational increases also create a worm hole of momentum toward the couples unity.
Here a couple can experience the highest of relationship connectedness in vulnerability, intimacy and authentic unconditional love.
They will be able to cross through challenging waters together because they both built strong individual boats first and are sailing the choppy seas of life side by side, supporting each other but not trying to glue thier boats together in need which only creates instability and weakness in self and relationship.
True mature loving relationship understand and value self and growth first.
They choose to journey together because its a beautiful transformational path to share but they do not need someone by thier side to love the path they are on.
They do what they do because it feels good to them and for them,
Not because they aim to please anyone else.
Look at your relationships of today and yesterday,
Were they founded in the wound or in healing and growth?
What is your desire in your relationship story?
And how is the founding of your current expanding you or holding you back?
Time to get clear.
Time to be real.
Time to connect from strength.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Reach out to me to discover how you can call in a high vibe relationship today.
JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT.
Thats all it is to be.
But you my love are afraid of your point of attraction.
You are afraid that you will be too much.
That you will stand out in the crowd of everyone else who chooses to deny thier happiness and blessing.
Why do you give so much attention to what you do not want?
Why do you go searching for problems and daydreaming about them?
To live a F-ck Yes Life you must give up….
Yes give the f-ck up on being available to everything that is not fun.
Is not able to be done in ease.
Are you struggling?
In a piss poor mood?
Always searching, hungry but never happy.
These are signs that you believe that it must be hard. That you must struggle.
That life is not there to back you.
And so you refuse to leap forward.
You turn away from the heights of bliss.
You find reasons and excuses as to why…
Why you cannot do, be or have.
You argue love.
You argue for your limitations in all the things you want most for.
And then you blame.
You weep in the shadows of what could have been.
The sad truth is that all this constriction you feel,
All this lack you are standing in,
All this drama and trauma you point fingers of blame toward.
You attracted it to you because you BELIEVE that you cannot have the life you desire.
And you believe that if you actually allowed yourself to love life,
To stop and smell the flowers,
To laugh more,
Make love more,
And do the damn things that make you happy,
That you would no longer be recieved by this world.
Seriously, how can you be happy in a world so caught up in pain and anger?
How can you be laughing and enjoying your days when so many others are miserable and suffering? When bad things, very bad things are occurring all over?
This would make you seem an uncaring soul.
Caught up only in self, not concerned about the world or whats happening. You must have no virtues.
But I ask you this love.
How is tainting your life with pain and scarcity truly helping to pull anyone else out of the swamp they are in?
How is your suffering and lack of abundance helping move our planet to a healthier state? Or doing anything good for anyone?
Just for the fun of it….
Just for this moment in time…
Take thirty seconds,
To close your eye’s,
Breathe deep into your gut,
Relax your whole being,
Smile a happy thought.
And feel it fully.
Imagine it as though it already was.
Imagine if you starting playing this creation game daily.
Imagine what might occur.
Could it be so simple as to what you apply your thoughts and feelings too is what you reap in life as well?
And if it changes nothing,
Then you have risked nothing but thirty seconds of your day.
But if blessings start to happen.
Your thinking change.
Your emotional state level up.
And you start to allow yourself to enjoy this magical life of yours…
Well then my love you will be risking EVERYTHING.
Because your whole life will evolve.
And you my dear will be no more,
For you will become that person you have desired all these years,
Living, breathing, tasting, f-cking the way you have always dreamed.
That is a risk that 99.9% of humans are not comfortable taking.
So best off you just keep b-tching about your problems and drama,
Weeping about how hard life is.
So you don’t have to risk transforming.
Risking birthing who you truly are.
Just stay right there love.
Stay as you are.
And I will venture out and live in abundance.
You can watch me from afar.
Enjoy my journies and love making.
The smile upon my face.
Although I wish you were here.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Join me for an intimate month of Asskickery.
Available globally 1:1 four part series where you and I take the rest of 2020 by the horns and direct it where you want it to go.
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