Relationships provide the opportunity to teach us many lessons. Whether it’s between parent-child, friends, or even strangers, we can learn so much more about ourselves in relation to others.
On some level, every relationship is sacred as it holds opportunity for us to grow. However, there’s something distinct about the intimate relationship shared by lovers. Our partners are not defined by genetics or familial bonds. We’re not necessarily thrown into proximity by way of work or school environments. We choose willingly to enter into relationship with them. In addition, there’s the added component of physical intimacy.
Here are five characteristics of healthy, sacred relationships:
1. You can be yourself.
In a sacred partnership, you won’t feel the need for self-censorship. You feel free to show the spectrum of who you are and lose the masks often worn in society.
Even though you may still feel self-conscious about some of your behaviors, you work through your hesitation and often end up laughing at yourself. In the presence of this other, you are more accepting of the things you once tried to hide.
2. You maintain individuality.
Even though all barriers have been removed to allow room for your significant other, you still find independence within the relationship. Though you share many things together, you still have some of your own interests and pursuits.
You are not reliant on the other’s presence to fully function or feel whole, nor would your partner expect or demand otherwise. Your partner supports and encourages your individuality, as do you for them.
3. You have a mutual desire for personal evolution.
Consciously sacred connections always move in the direction of growth: for the partnership and for each individual. A desire to impede the growth of the other for one’s comfort is a manifestation of fear. Even when one is concerned that the relationship may dissolve, they accept that their paths may diverge for the benefit of both. Evolution is put before personal gain.
4. You “hold space” for each other.
The art of holding space for another is rooted in love and respect. It means listening to them wholeheartedly and letting them know by your complete presence that they are seen and valued. It’s not a space where you try to fix the other person. It’s about being witness to the totality of your beloved.
5. You’re peaceful.
Life doesn’t feel blissful all of the time, nor will any relationship. However, the majority of time spent together will be peaceful. Interactions with each other will leave each party feeling invigorated as opposed to drained.
An undercurrent of anxiety is not desirable to either individual. Though there may be stressful situations (schedules, children, relatives, job demands, etc.) both parties are committed to reinforcing their bond with minimal friction.
In conclusion, highly sacred relationships present a number of characteristics. These qualities can be seen in all types of relationships, but meet specific challenges in the romantic realm. Some unions will last a lifetime and others are brief. The one thing all have in common is that they provide some of the most transformative interactions you can experience.
Source: “5 Signs You’re In A Highly Sacred Relationship,” from mindbodygreen.com, by F. Emelia Sam
Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com
– See more at: http://theunboundedspirit.com/5-signs-youre-in-a-highly-sacred-relationship/#sthash.xvxfb1RI.dpuf
When people hear the word Tantra, they usually think of kinky sex and sex positions in the Kama Sutra. They find their way to it by desiring to enhance their sex life. That’s okay for starters. However you find your way is however you find your way.
But then to find it to be so much more than enhanced sex gratification – what a surprise! I have found many unexpected health benefits from practicing this ancient form of meditation and related breath practices.
I began Tantra like most people, thinking it would enhance sex making it hotter and maybe even wilder. I had no idea back then how powerful Tantra was to become in every aspect of my life.
Very soon, after embarking on this path, I became aware of a quieting down in the mind, something I had been trying to accomplish for years to no avail. This alone helped me to reduce my stress levels. But that’s not all; that was only the beginning.
Now, after 14 years of practicing Tantra, I am aware that I am not suffering anymore about anything physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Did I know this would happen to me? No way.
Tantra roughly translated means “to weave” body, mind and spirit. What this literally means is that you can expand your whole being through increased awareness of your senses, feelings and energy. This includes awareness of your breath – the basis of all forms of meditation – with the addition of your sexual energy increasing your ability to feel – specifically feel pleasure – very different from other forms of meditation.
So how can Tantra affect your health? Why is it a holistic form of healing?
Basically people feel little if anything. They are mostly living their lives inside of their thoughts, judgments, evaluations and assessments: living in their heads. When their bodies give signals, they miss or ignore them because they are trained to value only what the mind thinks. So most people are numb or they do not feel very good. When they do feel, it appears that they feel bad, sick, hurt, victimized. There is very little room for pleasure. As a matter of fact, they feel little to no pleasure at all. Pleasure shows up as anticipation rather than a sensual experience, one that is felt in the body.
Remember really wanting something like a new car? Then when you got it, the pleasure didn’t last very long, maybe until the first scratch. It wasn’t the feeling you expected from acquiring a new car, was it?
The mind can imagine something or other will bring us a feeling of pleasure, but it actually takes the body to feel it. For many people, feeling strongly passionately was discouraged. We were told we had to stay in control of ourselves, of our emotions. Things were said to us like, “Why do you feel like that? That’s not rational.”
So, we learned to bury our feelings and experience life in our heads. Our bodies became useful for wearing decorative adornments (attraction) and for getting us somewhere, like from meeting to meeting (minimal movement). In essence our bodies have become something we do to or use in certain ways, but not a source of inner knowledge. Not bad, just not pleasurable; not healthy either.
Many people have become automatons rushing to work, doing, doing, doing. But when it comes time to relax, take a breath, we cannot seem to do it. For most people, it’s a little frightening to stop and focus on breathing.
When we look to find our pleasure, even erotic pleasure, there seems to never be enough time. Because we’re so disconnected, sex doesn’t live up to our expectations. Or maybe, just maybe, all those feelings we’ve been holding down are likely to come rushing up and we can’t have that, can we?
That’s right, feelings, emotions, senses, intuition, memories will often come up during sex. And then what do we do? Who has time for that anyway? What if we go out of control? Who wants to experience that?
You do! I do!
Why is this so important?
You want to feel all of those feelings so you can increase your capacity for pleasure. It’s your birthright to feel pleasure and it’s an aspect of life to feel. In essence, it’s honoring yourself.
When you start this way of breathing and sensing, you will naturally feel better, happier, passionate, more alive. The operative word here is “naturally.” It is our nature to feel.
Okay, how? Why does this have anything to do with Tantra?
In Tantra, we learn to breathe along with doing Kegel exercises and making sounds. So, we learn how to breathe properly. Then we add sphincter muscle and PC muscle contractions to build a charge in our own body using the vital life force – sexual energy. This enables us to feel all our feelings.
Once we feel them, we learn to release stored toxic feelings and memories from the past. We also learn to transmute the sexual energy into a spiritual connection with our “higher selves.”
The result is eradication of feelings of shame and guilt as well as any other trauma we may have experienced earlier in our lives that’s has been stored in our cellular memory.
The outcome = pleasure, permission for unabashed life at it’s fullest – body, mind and spirit connected working in union.
Remember I began Tantra thinking it would enhance sex. I had no idea how my life would really change. Had I known, I would have become interested in Tantra earlier in life. Is sex hotter? Yes. Is that all? No. It’s so much more.
The Holistic Benefits Of Practicing Tantra:
1. Feel great about yourself – more attractive, self-confident, increase your capacity for more pleasure, experience joy and fulfillment as a way of life.
2. Empower your well-being – eliminate toxins, eliminate stress – accept yourself for who you are & release deep painful cellular memories; feel safe and whole.
3. Focus – set your intentions, do the practices and watch the laws of attraction bring what you want i.e. life partner, more money, career change
4. Uplift your relationships – see others for who they really are, relate to their deep divine nature and trust your intuition
5. Experience the expression of your deepest emotions. Know rapture, love, passion and beyond! Become your own beloved!
By Laurie Handlers:
www.ButterflyWorkshops.com is a sex educator, author, and intimacy coach. She holds a Masters in Education and a Bachelor’s in Psychology and Sociology. Her career includes over thirty years as a corporate change consultant, individual empowerment coach and international seminar leader. She’s a dynamic speaker, facilitator and has taught transformational workshops for women, men, couples, singles, parents and teens since 1978 on communication techniques and secrets that are the basis of healing the body, releasing past emotional trauma, stopping the aging process, and reducing stress. Pod casts from her show Sex and Happiness can be found atwww.WebTalkRadio.net. Laurie stars in a hilarious indie documentary “Tantric Tourists” and her new film “Beyond Dinner” just won best short feature award at the Erotikos Film Festival 2012. Her book Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy and her CD “Shamanic Release & Latihan” are samples of her offerings.
We’re getting into our 20s — that time society deems suitable for graduating college, getting a good job and settling down with a partner. Just one, and preferably of the opposite sex. Just one partner to meet your social, sexual and emotional needs until the day you leave this earth.
Is it just me, or is that a little daunting?
Monogamy is sold to us everywhere we go — in the media, in the Bible and in our own households. The pairing of man and woman is, to some, the glue that holds our nation together.
But with the United States marriage rate at an all-time low of 51 percent (compared to 72 percent in 1960), it seems our generation is reconsidering its commitment to monogamy. In its place, a few alternative lifestyles have come to light — everything from cohabitation to civil unions to eternal spinsterdom. I’d like to introduce a relationship structure I find particularly intriguing and under-reported — polyamory.
Polyamory, according to Polyamorous NYC, means participation in long-term, romantically committed, multiple-partner relationships. For example, two women and two men all date one another. Each group member involved carries on romantic and sexual endeavors with whichever other group member he or she chooses, provided the person has the full consent of the group before the act is committed. They aren’t swingers or polygamists — just little clusters of folks all around the country for whom one partner is not enough.
A 2009 Newsweek article speculates there are more than half a million polyamorists living in the U.S., and they’ll be rising to the mainstream in the near future. There are now blogs, non-fiction books, Showtime specials and match-up networks dedicated to polyamory.
Dr. Kenneth Haslam, poly-activist and author of “The Twelve Pillars of Polyamory,” attributes the emergence of polyamory to a human need for variance. Take, for example, a long-term couple in which only one party is interested in bondage. Does the interested party repress that desire in an effort to preserve the sanctity of their monogamous relationship? Or does the person work with his or her partner to find a solution that’s acceptable to everyone? Perhaps a solution involves the consensual incorporation of an outside party.
You might think embracing this idea means sacrificing the unconditional love and trust one builds from sharing a life with another human. And maybe it does. But there are a large number of people out there, including former French first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, who have declared monogamy doesn’t work for them. And if you’re one of those people, it might be time to look into something a little further from the beaten path.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m not discrediting monogamous relationships. I, too, have apron-donning, childbearing, husband-loving fantasies about my future self. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t inform ourselves about the alternatives. Doing so on a wide scale will foster the eventual acceptance of polyamory — and similar lifestyles — into the mainstream. Experts say that after the battle for gay marriage is won, the battle for multiple partner marriage could be next. So suit up and keep your mind and eyes open as we ride into 2013.
By TONYA STARR in The Daily Midwestern
Recently I came across a post in a discussion group by a male who was expressing confusion and frustration on focusing on his pleasure. His question was also how to focus on his pleasure and hers at the same time There are many different ways that this can be answered. What I believe the core of the problem to be is more widespread than just the pleasure question.
In my experience there is a belief, by males, that there is no difference between orgasm and climax. This is not true, we are never taught the difference, because talking about sex is considered taboo. So let’s strip away the taboo and deal with the concept of orgasm does not equal ejaculation. You can experience orgasm without climax, you can experience climax without orgasm. In my mind and experience the former is preferable. If a man can learn to move the sexual energy that gets built up in the genital region before climax he can get to the point of experiencing multiple orgasms without approaching ejaculation. Most guys spill over the edge of climax for several reasons.
The first and most important reason is lack of being in the moment and experiencing the pleasure of the intimate act with the partner. I would hazard a guess that most guys are already focused on “getting some” before the act is even certain and with ejaculation being the end goal.
To experience complete pleasure requires retraining the body and the mind to experience the depth and nuances of pleasure without focusing on the end goal of e ejaculation David Deidarefers to this kind of friction sex as “pump, pump ooooh, goo” Once you have retrained the body and the mind not to see ejaculation/climax as the goal of sex you can start to learn new patterns and your body will let you know when releasing energy via ejaculation is necessary.
There is no clean cut answer on how often a male should ejaculate as each body is different and will require different levels of energy retention and recycling. It will also depend on environmental factors, age, weight, diet, & general level of health. When ejaculation becomes a conscious choice instead of an expectation the true experience of pleasure can begin to be understood and felt.
It is important to keep in mind we can’t unlearn the patterns that we’ve built up over our lifetimes to this point. We did not learn how to walk, talk, ride a bike in a day. This is no different. It is a process of learning your body and how to open up to the sensations of pleasure. As they stated in a class that I recently took. When we learn to expand the container of the experience the more you can fit into that container. This includes sensations, thoughts, perceptions etc.
Like with anything else this will take conscious effort and practice.
You might have noticed that I have not mentioned to this point focusing on the woman’s pleasure. The reason for that is I don’t believe the posters confusion or frustration is centered anywhere other than himself. While it may be seen as chivalrous or forward thinking to focus solely on the woman’s pleasure first, by that very act you take away from the pleasure of the experience for both partners. So I am going to suggest that before any man asks the question of how to pleasure a woman, they first ask the question of accepting pleasure within themselves and what the intent they are taking into the experience is. Is it to share a beautiful moment of intimacy and deep connection with another human being, or are you focused on your climax?
ORIGINAL ARTICLE published on Authentic Living.com
“At the moment of mutual climax, each as individuals has no more significance to the other than the gates of heaven for the one within.” – Swami Saying
“Breathless we kissed each other, fully intoxicated not only in our love for each other but also for the divine essence of its rapture that we were entering into. His whiskers teased my flesh as his lips tasted my bosom and slowly moved downward across my stomach and then his breath, warm and igniting cascaded across my vulva. A flicker of his tongue here and there, gentle thrusts of it entering the ripples of my yoni’s lips. I could feel my hunger growing as I became wetter and wetter. As he devoured my sacred palace of love and enjoyed its sweet nectars I slowly allowed myself to enter the mystical world of orgasm. A medative state manifested with each releasing moan of pleasure. Soon my flesh wanted to feel more of him, a deeper state of orgasm and full unity of deep penetration into a new realm of mystery, love and liberation.
Pulling him upward, asking him to enter me with his wand of light, my anticipation grew and time seemed to pause. I could feel the inner realms of my pussy quaking and begging to grab a hold of his hard cock and suck on it as it thrusted within my palace.
At last the moment of his arrival.
A deep sense of pleasure, comfort and connection came through my being with each stroke. Deep penetrative strokes blended with deep penetrative kisses, our hearts began the dance of this love making. Slow, gentle and almost relaxing as the energy increased our hunger for each other with each quiver of our flesh. Chakras opening and aligning our vibrations. At times he would pause, breathe deep, allowing the orgasm to travel up through his being as well as the energy surging from his cock to pulsate my cervix and upward through my core and into my heart. Once climax (ejaculation) had been recycled, he continued with rhythmic motion as my vaginal muscles squeezed, massaged and pulsated around him. Then just as energy was intensifying, he escorted himself out of my pleasure palace and asked if he could penetrate me to a greater depth, teasing my anal rose bud with his cock.
A deep breath of connection as I opened myself to him in this intense lovemaking fashion. Face to face, heart to heart, he slowly, gently penetrated me. Pausing allowing my muscles to accept and flex as they needed so that they could fully invite him in. Then nudging deeper and deeper within me. My breath was held for a moment and then overtaken with an intense pleasure that was beyond words. Slow strokes of his member gently allowing me to die into this passionate pleasure of bliss.
Loosing myself with each stroke, my hands uncontained reached over my head, grabbing at pillow, the head board, whatever they could find. The intensity of bliss raptured like a comet coming into contact with the sun. I begged him not to stop, but instead to take me further. I wanted to become so vulnerable to this higher state of consciousness, to this land that we rarely touch. I wanted to feel as though he and I no longer existed, we were nothing and yet everything. Fully united and yet cosmic sparks of the creators bliss. As books, a lamp, a candle and who knows what sprayed off the night stand and onto the floor from my hands gone astray I only could find myself longing for this “la petite mort” to never end. For in this small death of my heart I too was being reborn into a new alignment of greater vibration and climactic understanding of self and of God .”
Many a great student of the sacred sexual arts as well as of spiritual development knows that enlightenment is something that we are all born with; it is not something to chase after and to attain. The path to what we call enlightenment is held within our own sacred wombs. It is a treasure box of mystery and of bliss that the majority of human kind is scared to open yet craves to experience. Abram Maslow, through research he conducted involving people who he identified as “self actualized” came to the conclusion that people who reach this level share some commonalities… one being that they “routinely experienced orgasm as a spiritual experience, mystical even.” Napoleon Hill in his 1938 publication of Think and Grow Rich discovered that all the greats of time shared the ability to transmute their strong sexual energy into a driving force that would allow them to manifest the life that they desired. He called this transmutation the ability to transform mediocrity into genius.
If we were to explore all the enlightened cultures of the world gone by we would see that they all revered sex and its magical ability to manifest abundance and bring its students to a higher divine state of consciousness.
“The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the heartbeat of the universe. To match your nature with Nature.” Joseph Campbell
Here is the secret of “The Secret” or the Law of Attraction or Affinity. There are many things that we can do to set ourselves into the vortex of creation but among them the most powerful and most pleasurable as well as fun is to allow ourselves to experience La Petite Mort (the little death) through the life altering state of orgasm. In this state of living expression we destroy our false parts and give birth to our true nature, that being one of a god/goddess; the creator of our own destiny. Many people experience “orgasm” as climax or a high peak that lasts but only a sniffle in time. This is sad that such an alchemizing event is belittled into a momentary muscle spasm of stress release. We view our relationships and our orgasms as something of minor use. In today’s views many people think of their relationships as economic agreements of convenience. These relations are of no real use other than to save money on taxes, get another to feel committed and abide what the contract states or to keep the status quo in good standing for society. Often these contracts are sold to us at youth as a sign of abiding love and something we should desire, but once we grow up and walk down the isle of this lie we discover that most of the time the contract is actually only self imposed shackles that detour us from our true nature and divine ability of create a beautiful world. FACT is our relationships can be significant catalysts to designing the life we desire. They are the harvesting ground for the planting and nurturing of our DREAMS. Each orgasm that we allow to devour us takes us to a new thresh hold of life experience and understanding, bringing us a step, a leap or a bound closer to awakening to the enlightenment of God that lays dormant within our cells.
When we fully surrender to orgasm at this level it becomes what Maslow described in his discovery, “… a spiritual experience, mystical even.” It is in this sacred space of orgasm that we can discover ourselves again and again. Each time at a new vibrational level. To quote Joseph Campbell. “We must be willing to let go of the life that we have planned, in order to accept the life that is waiting for us.” This can only happen through surrender and when we are willing to surrender at this level of living we embrace these multiple mini deaths of self and realization and sometimes even larger, more monumental deaths and we come to the place that Anais Nin spoke of: those who live this deeply have NO fear of physical death.
In orgasm we physiologically change. This is done through hormones and neurotransmitters shifting and being released into our systems. Our physical bodies release fluids that cleanse us and nourish, we for a moment in time escapes the conscious mind and the ego and are liberated into greater parts of the Tree of Life. Yet so many of us allow ourselves to not explore this deep timeless state of surrender and rejuvenation. We prevent ourselves from our maximum capacity to attract all that we long for into our lives by only experiencing superficial orgasms. In a full state of surrender into orgasm we can experience space and time without separation. It is truly this transcendent state that we all crave and try to achieve in any way that is possible. For many though we try and touch this place of mindlessness in an unhealthy way or one that allows us to breathe in life through adrenaline. Weather the vice is an after work drink to relax the nerves and set the conscious mind at bay or an exciting sky diving lesson, it is the experience of life in a higher state of vibration that we are craving. It is the touching of the creator’s big toe that our heart and souls desire to embrace in experience during this physical reality. M. Scott Peck in his book, “Further Along the Road Less Traveled,” says that in order for us to reach the highest spiritual climax possible, through intercourse naturally there has to be a deep spiritual connection between lovers. Once we reach that “brief peak point of little death” we lose some sense of physical reality no longer completely grounded in the earthly world, a loss of ego, self, separateness… it is a state of ego death. When we release the ego all that we are left with is LOVE. In this state of blissfulness the world will rearrange itself just for us allowing us to become the great alchemists of it.
In this spiritual climax we can overcome all obstacles. We can choreograph our life according to our soul’s purpose and heart’s desire and we can call down the blessing from heaven that God longs to share. Here we don’t just exist and make it through another day, content with a mediocre reality, her we excel in life experience and truly LIVE the life that we were destined for. Here in this state of orgasm we reach a new level of mind blowing meditation and climactally embrace the world.
All you have to do is ask yourself if you BELIEVE that YOU are worth your dreams? Or would you rather settle for a life of average and ordinary, one where the after work cocktail and the superficial sniffle of the average orgasm is what you are allowing to be the highlights of your life exploration?
The power in your coming desires to GIVE you the life you always have dreamed of.
I felt called by spirit to receive a tantric massage session from Duncan and Kendal. I had recently watched a video of a duo tantric massage which left a huge impression on me. There is such power in masculine and feminine energies in unison. I wanted to experience it for myself. Being a tantric practitioner, I am the one used to being in the role of a guide, so it was a big deal for me to step into this level of trust and surrender.
I had not met Duncan or Kendal before the night of our session, but as soon as I entered the dimly lit room, I felt very comfortable. I knew just from reading the articles on Duncan’s website, his work is pure, from the heart, and the intention is for healing. This intuition was reassured in the first few minutes of meeting him. I felt immediately I was in trusted hands. Duncan’s voice and calming presence started the session out beautifully. He guided me on the table. I was handed a rose, one in which represented my essence. Duncan described, the rose is not in the same form in any moment, in fact a few days ago it was just a bud, and a few days later it will be no longer living. Does this make the rose less beautiful? The beauty of a rose comes in its potential of existing and in its essence, it’s cycle of birth, life, and death.
Duncan then explained that this session was for ME. Yes, me! And that at any time I could redirect the energy of the session. He told me that Tantra is ENERGY. Energy is beautiful. Energy is divine.
Then we entered the bath ceremony. It was the most beautiful display of rose petals and candles I have ever seen. I was to set an intention of what I wanted to release into the water. Synchronistically, I had an entire weekend of past wounds that had risen to the surface and I was ready to let them go. I stepped into the water, and was bathed with buckets of warm water trickling down my head to my feet. And then I kneeled down to my knees, warm water was gently poured over my face and head. And then leaning back into the bathtub, Kendal led me through a powerful meditation in a cutting cords ceremony. I was then guided to slowly rise out of the water into the goddess form, leaving all else behind.
I relaxed onto the massage table. Soothing, warm oil was poured over my body. Duncan & Kendal’s strokes were completely in-sync and so intuitive with each other. They took very much care and gentleness with the body. There was so much love in every stroke. After my body was completed relaxed and open, Duncan and Kendal began the yoni massage. The strokes for the yoni massage were very caring, gentle, slow, attentive, and organic. There was a very gradual build up of energy. Through breath and the massage, energy was created and brought up through the energy centers in my body. I had a beautiful emotional release.
The session ended with Duncan & Kendal placing rose petals all over my body. Each petal was filled with adoration. A full-body mirror was hovered over my body and I was then guided to open my eyes to see a reflection of myself covered in rose petals. A divine goddess of love. It was such a powerful image to witness the self in that state. A white sheet was then placed over my body and I then slowly awakened fully into my body once again, with the knowing I AM a goddess. I am forever grateful Duncan and Kendal. With all of my heart, I thank you.
I met a pleasure based psychotherapist recently. When Janov’s Primal Therapy came along I seem to recall that he said that a therapist was a dealer in pain. So is therapy about pleasure or pain and trauma?
Nobody would go to a therapist to talk about how happy they were or what a great childhood they had; but it is one of the more interesting questions in therapy the extent to which we have to go in to past pain and trauma to clear it out. In our culture we have the “no pain, no gain” school of development. A deeply Puritan culture like the British is very suspicious of happiness. I can lead straight in to the arms of The Devil. In most therapies, both humanistic and analytic happiness could well be covering something up; even a manic defence against deep sadness. Of course this can be true but it is also true that many defences, particularly somatic ones, tend to block access to all deep emotions; pain as well as joy. This is simply because all strong emotions and body sensations are close together in their emotional anatomy and neurology. On a fairground roller-coaster the riders play with the edge between fear and excitement; screaming with fear as the car descends and then cuing up for another go! A father playing with a young child may throw them up in the air and catch them giving squeals of joy, excitement, fear overcome by return to safety. Deep sobbing and deep belly laughter are quite similar to observe from the outside. In the intense autonomic activation of orgasm, pleasure and crying can come together. Those in to BDSM are experts on the edge between pleasure and pain and how both can lead to altered states of consciousness.
Many therapies are very interested in trauma; particularly if that term is extended from single incident events such as an accident, or act of abuse or death of someone to include developmental trauma such as having a depressed mother when there would be many occasions when the required empathic attunement and care-giving weren’t there. In the past going into the pain was seen as the only way. Now with modern energy psychology methods such as AIT(www.aitherapy.org) that I practice this is known not to be necessary. Just naming the trauma and finding the location in the body is often enough to clear it.
So as we block pleasure and pain, when a client comes in for a session reporting that they feel good. Unless I am very suspicious of this, I will only want to move feeling good to feeling fantastic. There has been more attention recently to positive psychology and to the concept of Flow, (from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi); a state of being where we are not divided and distracted but fully engaged in life at that moment.
So while I will try as a therapist to stay fairly divided in my attention between pain and pleasure. I have a growing sense that working with pleasure and how to expand it and deepen it within our bodies and our neurology is a powerful way forward. This forms a large part of my book Tantric Psychotherapy that I am working on at the moment (see www.tantricpsychotherapy.com )
Martin is London based psychotherapist
READ More from Martin HERE
I have worked for nearly 30 years a psychotherapist and counsellor and supervisor. In private practice and in training courses, for a university and now for the police.
“Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread in it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.” – Chief Seattle, 1854
I am always amazed at how these Naked Musings come about. If I believed in coincidence then I would say it was such, but I don’t believe in coincidences so instead I look at all events (moment to moment in my life) as signs. Everything that comes to us may we perceive it to be good or bad is perfect as it is, fore in these moments great lessons are being provided for us.
Many years ago I can recall a time that I was extremely judgmental. I remember sitting at my mother-in-laws house in Northern California and listening to some gossip about my sister in law. The tale was that she was having an affair on her husband, my husband’s brother. The family was in uproar at this and I felt as though I should be too. After all it was sinful. She had broken the oath of marriage between her and her husband. She had betrayed him with another and then she denied it. Another sin most likely being set before her jury, all of us who were worthy of casting these stones. There we sat judging her for her actions, condemning her in every way possible. But as it states in Matthew 7:1-6 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. A lesson I was soon to learn for myself. Unhappy in my marriage, lost in my life, and out of love with myself it would happen that temptation would fall at my feet a few short years later. Here a man that actually irritated me but could make me laugh found his way into my heart at a deeper level then just the friend that he had been for a few years. He was a strongly religious man as well. As if that matters when our souls want to taste life and bliss without the constraints of society. Yes as though we were on a dance floor we found ourselves twirling in the blissful, fun adventure known as an affair. At first I too denied my guilt. I lied to my family, to my husband. In my mind I told myself that it was best that I do not share the truth as it would be to harmful, to painful for them. I was doing them a favor and protecting them. In truth I was fearful of the judgment that would come, from them not from God. In my gut when I asked myself if this event would cast me into outer darkness or have me dancing with Satan I knew that God loved me and that the only punishment that I would ever really experience from this life event would be that from which I opened myself to and put upon myself. I knew also that I had brought this upon myself, not from making love to a man that I enjoyed and brought me many a memorable spiritual moment and gifted me with much beauty but because I was so harsh in my judgment of my sister in law. Here I had set in motion my lesson. My task was to have compassion for her and for all. My task was to love myself just a splash as much as the Creator loves me. In this I would discover freedom and salvation.
If we each could just embrace that we are the creators of what is to come. It is also in our perceptions that we manifest how we experience the world. If we choose to hold ill feelings toward anyone, including ourselves then we find ourselves in chaos, suffering and separated from love.
We experience negative emotion when we come into a point of view that is in disagreement with the point of view of our Creator. Meaning that our ego has gotten us to deviate from that which our higher self, our “Light” knows. In other words if you could hate someone and your inner being empathizes in that hate and joins you in it you would not feel any separation from the Light (creator) and you would not experience any negative emotion. But you do!
Negative emotion is a vibrational contradiction between the way of ego and the love of the Creator. So if your inner being, the God within, your Christ Consciousness (whatever you choose to call it) will not join you in one adverse thought what is the truth behind the theory of a day of reckoning? Why do we feel that we can cast stones and live in separation from the light but that those who according to our perspective are acting out of accordance with the laws of the land are the real sinners and should “pay” for what they have done?
How is that we come to believe that the God that we strive to love and please so deeply could hate? It’s implausible and we know it is so at our core. Fearing god? Do we want our children to fear us or to love us? Do we want to destroy our children’s lives or to support them and teach them how to manifest lives of abundance and happiness? Made in the image of the creator shares the truth that the concept of fearing God is not of Divine intention but of the ego. It is a form of controlling spirit while it is experiencing a physical life. The only thing fear does in its control is cause suffering. Truly by succumbing to the concept that God judges or disapproves of us in any way sets our lives into chaos and ruin.
I will allow you to control my behavior to suit your needs by using this fallacious boogie monster in the closet. This is what traditional puritan cultural views from rewritten texts of sacred codes want us to believe so that we are passive, paralyzed sheep instead of the Divine beings that we are!
We are free Light beings. What is true freedom though? Freedom is the releasing of control. Recently a sweet Goddess I know shared a symbolic event with me. She was watching some birds in formation flying. As they flew they held formation but within a second they broke free, they took to the skies in their own directions, gaining individual perspective on the land. Birds are wonderful teachers, they understand unity and how together they can travel and be carried faster while experience less struggle because they are united in flight, yet they also allow for individual freedom of experience without judgment.
Freedom is the releasing of control. The releasing of fear and the coming into alignment with the creator, with that inner being of light. As we allow ourselves to become free we increase our vibration and align perfectly with the creator, the God who loves us and has and always will love us. This loving creator at the time of our conception knew that in this physical world we would have to experience contrasts and that this experience would assist us in our expansion. Unlike the Creator whom is limitless we have broken away from our ability to embrace fulfillment and our divine limitless birth right by imposing ego based structures upon ourselves and expecting these structures to protect us and to control the free nature of others as well, thus causing us to become prisoners of our ego based desire to be righteous for the sake of pride instead of being righteous through grace and unconditional love as that of the creator.
When we look at the doctrine of so many religions for the love of God we are in fact looking away from it. It’s when we are told by these dogmatic rule based controllers how we are to be that we have to pause and take notice of what our heart, our gut is saying. Is there something that just makes you feel unsettled? Unloved? Not accepted? Judged if you were truthful about who you are or what your life experience has been? That nasty pit in your stomach at moments like this is your soul saying that if you buy into these ways that you will be disallowing for the fullness of the love, the worthiness and the peace of the Creator which you are a part of. When you hear these cries of spirit and you learn to attune yourself to this perfection of love instead of the suffering of ego NO ONE will ever be able to persuade you to live out of soul integrity again.
For 20-years I have been working with women of all ages. Commonly, women have been referred to me for help with severe premenstrual syndromes, psoriasis, arthritis, fatigue, headaches, allergies, and adolescent and adult acne.
More and more, the women I work with have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Celiac Disease.
In the late 80’s and 90’s Fibromyalgia was commonly reported, in the 90’s Irritable Bowel Syndrome and in the past decade Celiac Disease has become common.
I have successfully treated and even cured many cases with Tantric Therapy.
Like with any sensible approach, Tantric Therapy is not the cure all. However, the holistic nature of Tantric Therapy is the key to the successful treatment of these problems or imbalances. There is a connection between these problems and imbalances and sexuality.
Tantric Therapy’s approach to Celiac Disease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome Fibromyalgia is genuinely holistic and involves a psycho/spiritual/sexual/dietary/cleansing strategy.
“At around 20-years old I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, at 30-years old with Celiac Disease, I felt like an old woman. I didn’t date and could barely complete a class in school without having to run to the bathroom. Duncan changed my life…”
Psycho/Spiritual/Sexual (2-3 Two Hour Sessions)
With any illness, healing is only achieved when emotional components are addressed. Treating the physical aspects; doesn’t heal it only treats a symptomatic part. I have found that there is often a psycho/spiritual/sexual somatic connection with these problems and imbalances. Stomach problems along with muscle and connective tissue stiffening are commonly associated with psycho/spiritual/sexual imbalances. At a bare minimum these symptoms have undisputed emotional, spiritual, sexual or psychological stresses associated with them.
Tantric Therapy addresses all of these. Sessions start with a minimum of two to three psycho/spiritual counseling sessions, followed by a series of five to seven bodywork sessions. Bodywork also has a profound psycho/spiritual/sexual somatic connection. In Tantra, there is a premise that emotional/spiritual trauma or stress also stored physically in your body.
Tantric Bodywork (5-7 Four Hour Sessions)
Tantric Bodywork begins with breathing and meditation. In Tantric Therapy, therapeutic intimacy plays a major role. Emotional and spiritual barriers are minimized or removed and the connection with one’s self if emphasized. The Tantric Bodywork sessions are specialized for the treatment of Celiac Disease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Fibromyalgia; however are very similar to my introduction sessions. The sessions are very slow and intentional; and involve massage of every area of the body.
In many of my advanced Tantric Therapy sessions; I often include stretches and/or body poses. However, this is required for this Tantric Therapy modality.
There is also a greater emphasis placed on the stomach or colonic massage. This stomach massage follows the path of the colon and focuses on assisting and spiritual opening the flow of the colon. This massage is conducted in multiple different positions on the table. Gentile pressure is placed near the lowest right side of the stomach just inside the hip bone and then a small counter clock-wise circular movement begins. Then the gentile circular massage works it’s way up under the right side of the ribcage and then across and down the left quadrant of the stomach leader to the left hip bone and toward the pubic bone. This is repeated several times in several positions.
The next steps are a series of colonic enemas. This is an essential part of the therapy and is often a reason why many people do not seek this therapy. I have used colonic enemas for 20-years to treat more than Celiac Disease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. I have seen profound improvements in women with severe premenstrual syndromes, psoriasis, arthritis, fatigue, headaches, allergies, and even acne after being treated with a series of colonic enemas.
The most interesting note I have made over the years is that clients that administered their own enemas or sought colon hydrotherapy elsewhere did not have the same effects as when I administered them in during a Tantric Therapy session. In fact, nearly all of my clients reported absolutely no effect.
The enemas are administered 2-3 times during the session and in different positions and of course require several private trips to the bathroom and returns to the table. It is not uncommon for a dozen trips to the bathroom during a four hours session.I have made over the years is that clients that administered their own enemas or sought colon hydrotherapy elsewhere did not have the same effects as when I administered them in during a Tantric Therapy session. In fact, nearly all of my clients reported absolutely no effect.
The enemas are not painful; and subsequent sessions can be found to be very pleasant.
After the second or third enema; a natural suppository is administered consisting of coconut oil, vitamin E and palm oils. This is always received as being very pleasant and soothing.
The session resumes with a full body massage and optional yoni massage.
Clients are offered a shower and every sessions concludes with reflective counseling and meditation.
Medication and Vitamins
Also, I begin each session with the recommendation and offering 3mg of natural melatonin and tryptophan tablets. (not for sleep)
I also encourage clients to consider the benefits of their current medications and supplements. I strongly encourage women to discontinue the use of birth control pills and all pain medications.
Preparation (2-3 days and 2-Hours before a Session)
- Abstain from eating 2-hours before a session and eat lightly the day before
- Drink 4-6 glasses of water every day upon waking 2-3 days before your session.
- Drink 2.5-3 liters of water daily or increase your water intake
- Abstain from wheat and dairy 2-3 days before the session.
- Abstain from all caffeine, processes foods, alcohol, sugar, and bread 2-3 days before your session.
- Eat lots of fresh vegetables, a little fruit and small amounts of light/white meat or Tofu.
- Abstain from red meat 2-3 days in advance of your session.
After a Session
- Drink 2.5-3 liters of water for 2-3 days after your session; and consider keeping the regiment.
- Avoid raw vegetables for 4-6 hours.
- Avoid heavy meat consumption for 2-3 days.
- Avoid strenuous exercise for 24-hours.
- Drink an electrolyte drink
- Consider starting a probiotic
- Repeat a Tantric Therapy Session in One or Two Weeks.
Consider following the recommendations of a gluten-free diet. Most of my clients find that after repeated Tantric Therapy Sessions they can be on their own preferred diets. However, consider eliminating foods with preservatives, modified foot starch and stabilizers made with wheat. Organic is not always the best. Also consider that products other than food that are ingested by your body; such as make-up and hygiene products.
Clients have come from all of the United States, two other continents to either receive this treatment and learn how to administer the treatment. After years of working with my clients and other practitioners; this treatment stands as a very effective treatment for Celiacs, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Fibromyalgia.
For more information, please contact me anytime.
I’m worried about getting and maintaining my erections…
By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator
I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.
Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection. It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman. That’s not reality. Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.
It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes along with it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it. Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.
In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.
Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!
There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.
Tantria teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body… How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…
How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you… creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you. It’s incredibly satisfying! And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.
Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.
Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.
Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California. She travels the world teaching Tantra. You can read more about her at www.maresimone.com.
Article Originally Posted on Source Tantra Blog