#1 Key to the Life You Desire to Live.

The last few months I have spent a great amount of time looking at my life. I have examined and prayed. I have cried out in joy and suffering.  I have rejoiced and I have damned.  However through it all I have held gratitude at my core.

It has taken me many a folly to truly understand that gratitude is the one true key to a life full of blessing.

Many years ago I came to realize that our callings, our purpose you might say are buried within our wounds. Those things in life that have caused us so much pain have also served to bring forth, if we allow ourselves to see and feel it, our greatest purpose. It is within these times of great mourning that we discover who we really are and how great the divine is. It is in these supposed weak moments in our lives where we feel perhaps like we have been cast into the shadows and are unwanted and undeserving that we can discover the greatest of love. It is here through the act of self- forgiveness and love that we meet our maker within ourselves.

When we practice the “F” word – FORGIVENESS, we open ourselves up to the miracle of love.  Forgiveness is seated with gratitude, and in our ability to find gratitude for even the most evil of ills that our lives might be blessed with we discover our nature. We discover that which can either tear us apart or make us whole.

No two humans will ever suffer the same. We may walk in similar shoes of pain but we will never suffer the same. Therefore it is up to no one to cast judgement on another for how they choose to process through anything, whether it be the loss of a job, a relationship, a child, a rape or something else. But one thing is for certain, in these times of great  depression and uncertainty we still have the ability to lean into love. Many of us choose, at least for a time frame to lean into victim-hood and hate. We choose to be conquered by these miseries and to cast an evilness out of ourselves to show our pain. Feeling that there is no love inside of us to attach to, that we had it coming or are not worthy of anything more than suffering we cower to the fear of the chaos that our lives have been  thrown into and we lean into our egos. We swear off forgiveness, we turn away from love and we most certainly find no gratitude for the misery that we are sitting in.

This is a natural part of the process of recovering and healing.  However shit  happens to all of us. There is no one on this planet that will not suffer, and suffer greatly at some point in their existence here on earth. The one thing that we can control is how long we choose to sit in our pain and allow it to run our lives. The next thing that we have control over is how we choose to stand in it. We CAN make the conscious choice to find forgiveness and love or to remain caught in the grasp of hatred and suffering.

Our hatred may  seem to make us strong, but it is a false strength. One that is only eating off of our own love and once it succeeds at killing our connection and joy it will parish like ash in a rain storm.

So why put your hope in something that does not serve you but only wishes to control you?

I write this article the day after Thanksgiving and my heart bears with it much pain from recent months and the years that have past.  I grieve the loss of moments with my children, the loss of time with my mother who suffers from dementia, I grieve the loss of a love that opened me so wide and the loss of children I will never know. I feel the pain in my womb from a rape by a stranger of many years back and the fear that rolled through me when my lover became a monster and forced himself upon me. I feel the hatred toward my parents for ignoring my cries to be loved and seen, approved of and accepted. I feel the disappointment of loosing a house in foreclosure and having to rob my child’s piggy bank for change to buy milk. I feel the frustration and bitterness of looking a partner in the eye as they drank themselves into oblivion and said I was making it up. I feel the sorrow of having to put a beloved cat down. I feel the terror of breaking a heart that does not deserve to be broken. I feel the worry and fear of potentially loosing a child right in front of my eyes….

I feel all of this pain and more.

And yet I choose LOVE.

I choose GRATITUDE.

I choose FORGIVENESS.

I do not wake with thoughts of all of these things. No, instead I wake and before my feet hit the ground I call out a prayer to God from my heart center in gratitude for waking. I call out a prayer of gratitude for having slept and woke and have all my children do the same. I am thankful in the morning hours for the day that is set out before me filled with hope and opportunity. I set my feet on the floor with a knowing that it is up to me as to how my day goes.  Things may test my faith, they may test my courage and love, but ultimately it is still my decision to make as to how my days goes.

Do you know what is said about desire?

It is said that those things that you desire, desire you as well.

The reason we have the desires that we have is because our desires are linked to our path, our purpose and they are waiting for us to reach them.

If we are to have the lives that we deserve and desire, then we must be willing to reach outside of our comfort zones of hatred and fear and lean into the territory of unconditional love, forgiveness and gratitude. We must do what is foreign to us and we must trust in the creator that our highest and greatest good is where we are headed. That anything that might feel as if it is an obstacle to this is actually just a guidance system that is moving us toward our truth.  This truth is not that of the victim, it is that of the “blessed.”

We will be pushed by any and all means until we open to our  soul vision. This vision is an alignment with our purpose. The divine vision that God has for each of our lives is right before us, yet we cannot see it and we fight it. We cover our eyes in fear to it. We hide in normalcy and we become complacent and numb to the callings of our spirit. The nudges that push on us to be more. Do more. Serve more. Radiate more.

Yet all we have to do is LET GO!

The glory of the creator is right there, waiting to wash us in blessings, love and all our desires if we would just LET GO.

We must let go of the belief that we need to control.

We must let go of the belief that surrender is weakness.

We must let go of our pain and suffering.

This is how we become the alchemist of our lives. 

And the first step to letting go….

GRATITUDE.

Make today a day of GRATITUDE and SURRENDER.

Make today GREAT.

Take the first step into the rest of your divine life.

-KW

 

 

 

Are You Feeling Liberated Sexually?

“Sex, alone, is a mighty urge to action, but its forces are like a cyclone – they are often uncontrollable. When the emotion of love begins to mix itself with the emotion of sex, the result is calmness of purpose, poise, accuracy of judgment, and balance. — Napoleon Hill, “Think and Grow Rich”

What are you scared of?

For each of us the shame and guilt that trap us in fear is different. I am not sure what your’s is.

What I do know is:

The only things I’ve regretted in my life have been when I didn’t risk.
I’ve looked back and smacked myself for not having the courage to be honest and to move in the direction of what I really wanted. To follow what my heart was saying but instead getting caught by what I “thought” I should do. Often our ego makes a very logical stand as to why we should not do things or we should push them off to a later date. However if you STOP for a moment and listen to the still voice within that we call intuition or inner knowing, wisdom, sight; you will discover your soul and what it wants.

The work you’ll do around love and sexual intimacy is some of the most powerful, profound, liberating, healing work you’ll EVER do. We live in a world where we have learned to deal with our sexuality from the standpoint of an overdrawn bank account. Always looking at what’s not there. What we don’t have or cannot be. What we cannot do and what we really need to stay away from. But is any of this empowering? Does it come from love or fear? I believe that our sexuality is a hidden powerhouse of creative energy, empowered thinking, acting and loving. I believe that through our sexuality we can heal ourselves and this world of the toxic waste that covers so many people.

Learning how to turn your friction sex into true lovemaking is where miracles can happen for your life. Napoleon Hill understood this and studied many great leaders, visionaries and world changers who all used this form of sexuality to make a difference in the world as well as following their own bliss.

I won’t lie it’s the most heart-pounding, terrifying, liberating, soul-enriching learning.

But it’s so worth it! Just as you are!!!

Embracing this source of love, of intimate connection will change your life like nothing else. There is no amount of text book knowledge, religious study, googling, or any other item of the mind that will transform your life, your heart, your personal power as quickly and deeply as experience. After all that is a primary reason behind life. To experience!

To get there though, you have to say “Yes.”

If you want a phenomenal life then you have to push past your fears and allow for the unknown to make itself known.

The best decisions of my life have come out of my leaping into the unknown. It is that butterfly feeling, the feeling of being on the raggedy edge of life’s track. It is the feeling of being scared shitless that tells you that your aiming for something grander, some bigger, something so valuable and that it is there waiting for YOU. This is how you know your on the right path to your dreams and desires.

As humans we always want to know the how-to’s and the end result, but our dreams, desires and our life are not designed to have a systematical process. When we try and logically set out a road map we loose sight of the journey in the present moment and we miss our bliss.

Bliss and transformation come from being present and allowing our dreams to unfold through us. Similar to all great writers, poets, musicians, artists and even scientists, the creation of greatness did not come from a logical plan but from something more. Greatness flow’s through us. This is the creator creating. But we have to be willing to be present, open and trusting to the choreography instead of doubting.

It is YOUR birthright to have a phenomenal life. You are a spark of the great Divine and the Creator wants nothing less then greatness from each breath of your life. But you have to be brave enough to leap into deep intimacy, love and transformational sexuality learning and healing to access this power.

I can help you get what you’ve said you want out of your relationship and life.

I know this is possible for you.

Let me help you make it happen.

All you have to do is leap. 
Breathe in that butterfly feeling and with it allow your transformation.

Right here. Right now.

Life is happening Now! Where are you at?

  • –KW

The Power of Somatic Sex Coaching (Hands On Therapy Work)

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Our sexuality is a primary foundation to our lives. Sex in itself is a creative process of opening up to life and allowing it to breathe through us, however in today’s times (and it has been this way for many thousands of years now) the power of sex has been forbidden by ego baring religion that was more focused on controlling the masses then on uplifting them. After thousands of years of brainwashing, the once therapeutic form of sex work, known as humanistic sex therapy, has been virtually done away with and thought of as a sin even.  But for many researchers, educators and therapists who take the time to dig deep into our history of sexuality and relationship we discover a beautiful dynamic healing tool which is once again resurfacing and making a stand as the consciousness of our world shifts.

Through the use of somatic sex therapy and coaching practices a patient/client can once again capture and embody one of the most vital aspects of themselves: Their sex. They can start to heal life long wounds and investigate safe, loving ways to embrace their desires and authentic selves, thus teaching how to do the same for someone else, weather that be a person they share an intimate relationship with or otherwise. Somatic sex coaching opens up the interconnectedness of all of life, reestablishing the positive, healthy links between our sexuality and our emotional, mental, physical, psychological and spiritual selves.

Such a holistic healing approach was once common day use for many people. If we look back to Ancient Greece even, the Greek physician Galen (129 A.D.-200A.D.), historically, one of the most influential authors on medical subjects, focused on  the subject of women’s unmet sexual desire and defined it as a disease. Coining the term Hysteria (Greek for “Suffering Uterus”) to describe the anxiety, irritability, sexual fantasies, pelvic heaviness and excessive vaginal lubrication in sexually deprived or particularly passionate women. This should sound pretty common term even today, as we are a sexually deprived society and many women today complain of these sorts of issues and more.

Somatic Sex Coaching is a holistic healing approach that combines hands-on techniques (“bodywork”) with traditional sex coaching techniques. Like telling the story uses the “mind memory” to release pain and promote healing, “body memory” is used to assist in the healing process.

A key part of talk therapy is retraining the mind – letting go of old beliefs and experiences, and incorporating new ones. Somatic therapy is primarily about retraining the body, so it can respond differently. Combining the mental and physical aspects in therapy creates more opportunities for healing and change by facilitating integration of the entire experience.

Somatic Sex Therapy uses various kinds of touch to promote healing, including “laying on hands”, hugs, holds, massage, stroking and other kinds of contact, as appropriate to the client’s need. Somatic therapy has some things in common with what is popularly called “healing touch” or “therapeutic touch” but somatic therapy is not an “energy”-based therapy like Reiki and others that often involve limited touch or sometimes no touch at all. Somatic Sex Therapy could include receiving or giving the kinds of touch that you might actually experience in a sexual context. While Somatic Sex Therapy is generally done fully clothed, there are situations where (similar to therapeutic massage) removal of some or all clothing is appropriate.

There are a number of alternate titles and sub-specialties for a Somatic Sex Therapist, and many different approaches to combining the mental, physical and spiritual aspects of sexuality: Sexual-Somatic Therapist, Mind-Body Sex Therapist, Body-oriented Sex Therapist, Sexual Embodiment Therapist, Holistic Sex Therapist, Reichian Sex Therapist, Sexual Bioenergetic Analyst, Sexual Therapy Practitioner, Sexological Bodyworker, Sex Surrogate, Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, Spiritual Sexuality Master, Sexual Energy Specialist, Sexual Shaman, Phoenix Fire Man/Woman, Qadishtu/Qadesh, Dakini/Daka, Tantrika, Tantric Master and Tantric Healer. Each of these professionals have a different focus and range of techniques. Some combine bodywork with psychotherapy, some are primarily bodyworkers and would work in conjunction with a traditional (no touch) Sex Therapist, and some focus on the spiritual aspects of sexuality.

Why would I want a Somatic Sex Therapist instead of a regular therapist?

Sometimes, “talk therapy” isn’t enough.

Somatic Sex Therapists help clients with a wide variety of problems, some of which have nothing to do with sex. What makes Somatic Sex Therapists different is their comfort level with sexuality and physical touch, and their ability to include an appropriate physical element to support you in achieving your goals. Consider the limitations of talk therapy in these example situations:

  • “I get really anxious when someone sits too close to me on the bus.”
  • “I’m lonely, but I can’t stand anyone touching me.”
  • “I was raped. I want to date, but whenever a man touches me, I panic.”
  • any problem where physical touch is a “trigger”

Somatic Sex Therapists are particularly helpful for resolving:

  • boundary and trust issues
  • body image problems
  • communication problems
  • anxiety or aversion to touch and/or intimacy
  • pain caused by “pelvic floor guarding”, e.g. vaginismus or vulvodynia
  • shame relating to fetishes or any other physical desires
  • arousal problems
  • lack of desire or lack of pleasure sensation
  • sexual addictions

By including the physical dimension in therapy, Somatic Sex Therapists have the ability to bring greater depth to your work, and often shorten the amount of time needed to achieve the change you want.

What should I expect in a session with a Somatic Sex Therapist or Sex Coach?

You should expect the same things you would expect from any other professional. The obvious difference is that in addition to the usual conversation, sessions could include physical touch. You may be guided and encouraged to explore, but you are always in control of the limits in a session from moment to moment.

Whether the context is verbal or physical, you can expect that your boundaries will be both challenged and respected. In coaching, this can mean trying out different points of view or doing something differently than you are accustomed to, and thereby developing greater choice and flexibility. In therapy, this often means going into your “discomfort zone” so that you can access an experience and your therapist can support your resolution or reframing of that experience. Generally, once you start having a reaction, your therapist will pause and help you work through that reaction before moving on.

Your feedback is an important part of any session, and especially important in sessions involving touch. You may experience subtle internal reactions that aren’t evident, or your reaction may be obvious but unexplained. Volunteering your inner experience, such as “I’m feeling ____” or “I’m thinking ____” or “I’m remembering ____” or “I want ____” is usually helpful, just as it is in any relationship.

At all times in any session, you have the choice of saying “no” and you can expect your therapist or coach to honour that boundary. You can also expect to explore why you’ve put up that boundary and – if it’s relevant to your goals – have it appropriately challenged again.

Therapists and coaches help you develop your emotional and spiritual self much like personal fitness instructors would help you develop your physical self. As your “personal trainer”, a therapist or coach will help you do the things you’ve had difficulty doing on your own. You may initially find those things somewhat awkward or unpleasant, and you may experience pain before you see the results you want. As you develop, your sessions will be adapted to meet your changing needs and desires.

 

Explore Expanded Orgasm Coaching for Men HERE

Explore Orgasm Coaching for Women HERE

I think your a sex addict… are you though?

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So, can sex be a true addiction? I can’t tell you how often people not only ask me this question but also how often I’ll hear people throw the words “Sex Addict” around.

Lately I have seen several articles and been involved in a few conversations with colleagues about Sex Addiction. In my experience people tend to have strong feelings around this topic.

Some people say that sex addiction is just another way to pathologize people and label them. Others say that sex is like a drug and can be used/abused, can be dangerous, and something to be approached with care. I believe both can be and are true.

I personally have worked in the past with people that have been labeled as sex addicts. Some of these individuals I believe were indeed mislabeled and yet others had created severe damage in their lives in the pursuit of sex. I’ve listened to stories from my past clients about going broke, ruining relationships, ending up in jail, and ruining their health in order to find sex.

So to me, the question is not if Sex Addiction (or abuse of sex) is real because I have seen the damage in my clients’ lives. I think the question is what is and what is not sex addiction!

What is Sex Addiction?

            Technically there is no such thing as sex addiction in terms of medical terminology. An addiction of any form is simply a laymen’s term for what the medical and psychological community call abuse/dependence. The closest medical term that has been offered for what society considers Sex Addiction is “Hypersexual Disorder” which was not approved for usage in the latest addition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel (DSM 5), which is where all diagnoses of psychological disorders come from. Some also consider withholding sex a form of sex addition (“Sexual Anorexia”), which would fall under the category of Hypo-sexual disorder. Also, medical professionals have been unable to even determine what sex addiction is because it is often used to define any behavior that deviates from societal norms. This includes “excessive” sexual intercourse, masturbation, viewing of pornography, partners, etc.

            The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” Since there is no agreed upon definition of what a sex addiction is, I would like to offer what I use with my clients to determine when someone has entered an unhealthy territory in the way of sexual behaviors.

•           Are you able to function in your daily life? (Going to work, taking care of adult     responsibilities, taking care of physical health, etc.)

•           Are you continuing to engage in behaviors despite intense dangers to your physical           health, career, or financial well-being?

•           Are you unable to stop the behaviors despite them no longer bringing you pleasure?

If someone says, “Yes,” to the above situation, then they very well might be stuck in an addictive cycle with sex, porn, or masturbation. Thankfully there are many wonderful therapists/coaches that work with sex addiction and can help determine what emotional needs are trying to be met through these behaviors.

What Sex Addiction is NOT!

Often Sex Addiction is used as a scapegoat for Cheating, Lying, Jealousy, and Taboo behaviors. As long as the below behaviors are not stopping normal adult functioning, a sex addiction is not:

•           Cheating: Just because a partner is enjoying sex with another person(s) does not mean    they are addicted. It means that there is a breakdown somewhere in the communication and the relationship. Often women particularly will struggle emotionally with the thought of a partner cheating and so will label that other person a sex addict. I believe people often see it as a more acceptable/ less embarrassing than having to admit their partner  cheated OR the person engaging in the infidelity finds it easier than having to manage the repercussions of infidelity.  Cheating can cause emotional turmoil on both sides but   that does not make it a sex addiction

•           Polyamory/Open Relationships: Just because a person chooses a different lifestyle does not make them have an addiction. Often people are under the impression that people in   these types of relationships are “sex crazed” and are constantly engaging in dangerous sexual experiences. Research studies have actually shown the exact opposite, that people in these relationships communicate and take more precautions for safety in sex than single/monogamous couples. However, instead of learning about these lifestyles, it is easier to smack a label on a person or think they are just choosing that lifestyle for the sex.

•           Pornography: I do not personally like pornography because I think it can push unhealthy standards but a person does not have an addiction just because they enjoy viewing  pornography. Viewing porn can be a healthy part of adult sexual experiences. Many couples pursue pornography to add spice into a relationship and many single people use it to meet their basic human needs in a safe and healthy manner.

•           Enjoying Sex/Sex-ploration: Many times I will hear people throw the word sex addict out when they hear about a person engaging in more sex then they deem “appropriate.” Based on religious beliefs, upbringing, and our society, many people have strong ideals on what is and is not okay. The truth is we have no right to tell others when their desires/needs have been met or to limit them according to our personal ideals of sex. A person could have a new sex partner every night for a year and still not be a sex addict!

•           Masturbation: Again, masturbation is a super healthy aspect of human sexuality and does not mean a person is a sex addict. Our bodies are meant to be enjoyed and so we don’t get to tell others how often that is okay.

•           Taboo Sex: As we expand as a society, more and more people are venturing into new       sexual territory. There is a reason why 50 Shades of Grey took the nation by storm! In our ignorance of a sexual preference we often label people as having a “problem.” As adults we have the right to explore whatever we like in the privacy of our own bedroom (outside of illegal preferences such as child abuse or animal abuse).  Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it an addiction.

Sex Addiction is serious and can very much ruin a person’s life. If a person truly has a sex addiction then they do need help to put their lives back together. In true sexual addiction, the person needs to explore the pain and patterns that are keeping them stuck in a destructive cycle. There are some amazing therapy and treatment centers out there to help these individuals. Though beware because there are some other treatment centers that turn this addiction into a moral issue and will try to shame the addiction out of a person or suggest taking on habits such as celibacy. These treatments are not effective and will often just drive the addict deeper into the addiction long-term.

Sex Addiction is not a scapegoat phrase or something to be thrown around in order to express your dislike of a person’s sexual behaviors. It’s not an excuse for infidelity and not a rationale for someone having a high sexual appetite.

Original Article on RecovertoLife written by Kelly Martin, LPC, LCDC, Experiential Life Coach

Food & Sex : The Connection is in Our Desire

desireimageLast week, I had the great honor to talk on the tele-seminar “Abundance Reigns” where my topic was about our hungers and desires and how they relate to creating a more fulfilling life. This was a very fun talk and very interesting to prepare because the more I prepared the presentation, the more connections I kept coming up with between our physical hunger for food and our physical and emotional need for sex. I quickly realized that I could have done the entire presentation on that topic alone and could write a dozen articles on the many ways food and sex correlate. However, for today’s purposes, I want to look at how we often use food to fill an unmet need in our sex lives.

The connection between food and sex exists for both sexes, but is extraordinarily apparent in looking at female eating and sexual behaviors. There have been entire books written simply on this topic in regards to women.

In any theory of human needs, you will find both food and sex as two vital elements. Without food, we will starve to death and without sex and physical connection, we will also fail to survive and/or simply thrive.

In my experience as a therapist working with eating disorders and as a coach working with individuals that sometimes struggle with disordered eating patterns, it is common for people to find struggles on their plate, which are really struggles in the bedroom. Often, my clients think I am crazy at first when I start asking them about their sex lives. I will get comments such as, “I don’t have any issues with sex. My issues are all around food”, “I don’t even think about sex; it doesn’t matter to me but I am constantly thinking about food”. The problem with this thought pattern being that many of us in this day and age have learned to use food as a manner in which to cover up unmet needs/desires…. And often specifically our needs/desires surrounding sex.

We as Americans often like to think we are incredibly open minded and that we are very comfortable in our sexuality. However, the truth is we have influences of religion, how we were raised, past sexual experiences, and social pressures that can alter our opinions of sex and in truth leave us starving sexually. Often, people carry around deep shame around wanting/needing physical affection and so bury these needs deep in our psyches. However, we can’t bury our needs for very long because they come out in different ways. Commonly, this avenue is our food.

How you may ask:

  • You aren’t getting any physical affection and feeling of comfort at home and so you simply turn to foods that provide you comfort.

  • You aren’t allowing yourself to truly be present and have connected sex….and so you begin bingeing on chocolate because that’s going to release similar hormones and make you have a false sense of connection.

  • You don’t think you deserve physical pleasure and so you start cutting foods from your diet, which brings you pleasure.

Hopefully, you are beginning to see some of the connections, but here is another more extreme example: ( LEARN MORE on this Video – Unlock the Toxic Beliefs Around Food & Sex from Marc David)

A while ago, I had the pleasure of knowing a woman, and at the time friend, she was unfortunately struggling with anorexia. When I asked this friend about her sex life, she responded that she thought sex/masturbation was dirty and sinful outside of marriage. Therefore, whenever she was “bad” and touched herself in a sexual manner, she would then have to punish herself by restricting for days simply to cleanse her guilt and shame.

You may look at this example as extreme, but honestly, I have a long list of similar stories I could share from friends, patients, clients, and personally. The point is that we are told, as women in particular, to not want/need/desire sex and the same really goes for the messages we receive around food. So, the ramification is that many of us try to stifle these needs but end up playing what I like to call “Whack a Mole” because we can’t truly get rid of those needs.

From a personal perspective, I spent years denying my sexuality and sensuality of simply being a woman. The result (amongst some other things) was a raging eating disorder that almost took my life. I didn’t want to be a sexual being and I felt extreme shame around this topic, so I attempted to starve, binge, and purge the needs away! It was not until I faced a variety of issues in my life, but particularly those surrounding sexuality, that I was able to get free.

So, before I close, I do want to clarify that not any old sex is going to fill this need that is showing up on our plates… We need connected sex with others and/or ourselves. We need to be able to feel safe, secure, and loved in that moment in order to start to fill ourselves up. The reason this is so important is because we have hormones, one being Oxytocin, that are released when we are really able to get into our bodies during a sexual experience. These are also similar hormones that are released or are decreased with certain foods.

My challenge for you is to really take a look at your relationship to your own sexuality and also your own food. Are you starving yourself of your needs and desires or are you bingeing on food and sex that are meaningless and aren’t giving you joy? Take some time to get introspective of how your own needs/desires are interacting.

— Written by Kelly Martin, Recover to Life Counselor, Coach and Mentor

Transformation Indeed! – Testimony from an Orgasm Coaching for Women Client

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6 months have passed…

Every part of my mind, body and soul are being awakened and guided to new places that I thought were reserved for only a few fortunate ones.

Kendal Williams wrapped her love and knowing around me one cold dark winter evening as I sat in a coffee shop across from her and poured out my tired and broken story. Through tears, I saw her gentle, knowing smile and heard TRUTH for the first time in my life.

Kendal has a style of coaching that is honest and direct, with constant support, through the lovely as well as the ugly. She listens, explains, shares, guides and directs with uncanny intuition and a wealth of resources.

The very next day, as promised, I received an email with a list of all we discussing, complete with easy-to-follow links for every article, person, website, and resource! My journey now includes work with her partner, Scott/Authentic Living as well as her daughter with Photography in Wonderland.

6 months have passed….and I am a new goddess
~who enjoys feeling and seeing my own body
~who asks for what I want
~who holds sensation without disconnection
~who can breathe energy into any part of my being
~who is learning to love without boundaries
~who loves self first
~who is expanding sexuality
~ who is committed to this work of transforming

I have open mind, body & soul for the next steps in my life journey with Kendal & Company as my guide.

— Laura N. Dallas, Texas (Orgasm Coaching for Women Client 2015)

Genital Massage For Cardiovascular Health

tantricloveSensual Tantric Massage for Your Health & Pleasure: 7 Reason’s Why Everyone Should Explore This Ancient Art

Wouldn’t it be amazing if our doctors and psychologists of today actually prescribed Tantra and especially tantric massage for someones mental, emotional and even physical ailments?

Imagine walking into a doctor’s office sharing how much anxiety you are having, how you cannot seem to focus on tasks or keep life in order, how you have sleep issues and your digestion is all messed up. Imagine that your doctor after giving you a check up smiled and said, ” I believe I know something that can help you overcome these issues before they worsen and I am pretty sure you will enjoy this prescription…”

What if you had ADD or ADHD?
Chronic Pain? Irregular Menstrual Cycles?
High Blood Pressure? or Irregular Bowl Syndrome?
Hormone Irregularity? Stress? Premature Ejaculation Issues? Inability to Orgasm? Vaginismus or pain during sex?

What if you were seeking help from a counselor for relationship issues, your inability to connect to your partner or sex addiction?

First one might say “Tantra, isn’t that that thing Sting does that makes him last 7 hours? And does’nt it teach you all these crazy sex positions? Why and how can it help me with my health issues?”

To understand how tantric massage and tantric practices can fully change your life for the better and even help heal you of these and other ailments that are common to our modern day living and society, one must first know what tantra is.

Tantra has been practiced for over 9,000 years. It’s origins have been traced back to the Himalayan Mountains in India, where religious leaders believed that sexual ritual was the path to a higher form of ecstasy and liberation. Through this liberation and discovery and acceptance of pure authentic ecstasy, one learns how to “weave or connect together ALL aspects of life,” from spiritual to psychological, from emotional to scientific, from sexual to the embracing of art, music, and nutrition. Simply put there is NOTHING that is NOT tantric in life. Tantra is learning how to connect the dots and be present and authentic in enjoying the connection.

So what are the core benefits of Tantra and especially Sensual Tantric Massage and even Tantric Sex?

Several recent studies point to benefits of massage therapy that help heal the heart.

In 2008, researchers studied 263 volunteers who had a massage for 45 to 60 minutes. Average blood pressure fell by 10 mg Hg and heart rate by 10 beats per minute after one treatment. That’s about as much as you might get from prescribing a new blood pressure medication for life! (MindBodyGreen)

Now that is just from regular deep tissue massage!

Let’s Talk Sexual Massage… yes I just said sexual massage, so blush if you must but stop hiding that little smirk you have from the thought of having someones hands on your genitals for an extended time and you NOT having to give anything back to them…. Yes it is JUST for you and your HEALTH of course!

But it is NOT just about your genitals… And yet it is. The armouring of them that is…

Erections and wet pussies are just common side effects of tantric massage. There is no expectation or orgasm or climax during a massage.

That may have made your head cock to the side (no pun intended… well maybe no pun intended…) but it is true, the beauty behind this ancient healing art is that there is NO EXPECTATION.

The only focus, objective or desire in this massage is a mind/body connection which happens through the learning of body presence and interconnectedness to all of life. Your practitioner (tantric coach/teacher) does this by being the conduit and providing what is called “Sacred Space or Holding Space.” In this safe enviroment a person relaxes fully. Mind, body and spirit become one and your awareness is focused on ONLY the sensations that arise in your being on every level. I say every level here because it is not uncommon for a client to experience orgasmic sensation without the tradition expected results of ejaculation if you are a man or straight on clitorial or vaginal penetration if you are a woman (although these events may occur). It is also, not uncommon for clients to experience emotional release or even a deep meditational state of being.

So what are the KEY 7 Reasons that Everyone Should Explore This Ancient Body Therapy?

1) Tantric Therapy/Massage or even Sex is good for your hormones! Scientific evidence shows that stress causes cortisol to increase in our bodies. Cortisol does a number on every area of our being, from weight gain, to mood swings. It has been linked to even high blood pressure, impaired cognitive performance and lowered immunity. Basically it is the stress hormone and its not good when we are producing too much. Especially for our cardiovascular health.

2) Tantric Teachings/Massage and Sex improves your breathing, therefore reduces stress, helps improve clarity of mind, increases libido, helps increase stamina, teaches orgasm, and improves overall health and immunity levels. Tantric Massage and Sex acts like other similar sister practices such as yoga, Tai Chi and meditation.

3) Tantric Massage and Sex is first and foremost aimed at your emotional and psychological well-being. There certainly are wonderful physical attributes, you can expect even greater results emotionally though. As you learn to truly receive pleasure, self-esteem and self-worth are heightened, leading to a better overall happiness. You also, learn through the increased emotional awareness and release how to overcome and release past trauma which can help one to overcome such issues as Vaginismus, depression, chronic pain and many other trauma related issues.

4) Tantric Massage and Sex teaches a person(s) how to experience more pleasure by teaching how to release our armouring to pleasure. Often we have been programmed to experience pleasure in only certain ways and for only certain time frames, we then say NO to our selves and to pleasure and block our full life experience. Tantra can teach how to ignite our pleasure zones and embrace all of our orgasmic potential.

5) Tantric Massage and Sex helps a person to become more self-aware and present. Many people experience scattered thinking/mental focus or clarity. This is because many of us have never been taught how to stop worrying about the future or living in the past. tantra teaches us how we can fully anchor ourselves into the present moment where life is lived and healing occur’s.

6) Tantric Massage and Sex help people learn boundaries, connect with desires and curb impulses or addictions. It also helps a person learn how to ask for what they want and become good with the answer they are given. Many people who suffered from an inability to orgasm, had premature ejaculation issues or were addicted to sex or porn even mind altering substances discovered that through tantric work they could overcome these issue by learning presence, breathing and true pleasure techniques.

7) Tantric Massage and Sex is good for your bank account! Yes, sex/sexual touch/ sexual healing and money are deeply intertwined. It is becoming more and more common knowledge that the shame and programs we hold about our sex we also hold similar ones about our ability to make or keep money. Tantric practices teach how we can live an abundant life in ALL ways.

Perhaps now, the childish smirk, the blushing and increased heart beat you may have experienced at the start of this article have been washed away with an inquisitive openness and desire to try a tantric approach to your life.

At very worst case scenario, a Tantric Massage will leave you feeling relaxed, rejuvenated and as a few of my VIP clients have stated, “It is like going on a two week holiday and skipping to the second week when I finally was able to release all my work and responsibility stress and just BREATHE in the pleasure.”

ENJOY and Namaste’
–KW

How to Unleash Your Feminine Power & Heal Your Vagina

individual-womanThis musing is intended for all the lovely women of the world but I am certain that many men out there will read this and for you incredible gentlemen who do please know that I would greatly appreciate your help if it crosses your heart to share this musing with the woman or women in your life. The power of this information is a must in our day and age and for human relationship in general.

For you lovely ladies, you are GODDESSES. Can you feel that divine beauty and power inside yourself or has the world of today so focused on the masculine style of living and doing masked you from your true grace and power? Let me ask you ladies this:

Are You A Woman Who Feels Stress/Tension/Blockages In Your Vagina or Core?

Let’s face it every day life is full of stress. If you are a mother like I am it can seem some days that you are lucky to get your teeth brushed let alone anything else. Add in the stress that many have of relationships that are troubled, financial concerns and pressures, career and any past trauma that may arise at any given moment it is amazing that we can focus on much of anything with out constant emotional or physical upheaval. All of these things when not properly processed in the mental/physical/emotional bodies can all lead to tension and blockages in our vagina’s and at our core. It is extremely important to cleanse, rejuvenate & reactivate positive healing energy to these zones of discord. But How can we do this on a daily basis in a comfortable, easy to manage way?

Are You One Of Many Women Who Want To Come Back into and/or Unleash Their Sensuality And Femininity

Today’s world finds us in a time of transition. We have so many men and women who are feeling lost and long deeply for real, authentic connection, yet do not know how to achieve this. Women have been programmed to believe that living in a masculine, focused, driving and striving for material success form is the way to be. This form of being has created a world of women who are more masculine then feminine. It has created a world where we women feel that being feminine means being overly emotional, unstable and powerless. It has created the idea that the only way to true success and value in life is to act in the energy of what men do instead of allowing ourselves the power of our hearts to create, dance, love and be women.

Sensuality is almost a lost art for many women. Many of us have become technical in our loving and sexing skills and are afraid to let our divine sensual nature out. Yet it is this nature that is our TRUE power!But how do we allow ourselves to be feminine, soft, emotional, sensual, trusting and do I dare even say it VULNERABLE in this day and age without losing ourselves to a man who wants to control or a world that says that we cannot or should not be this way?

Are You A Woman Who Feels Numbness/Tension or Stiffness In And Around Your Genitals

I personally spent years with this issue. I pushed myself to have painful sex with my partner even when I knew I would be in pain for the next week from it. I tried to ignore the constant onset of vaginal discomfort, dryness and even yeast infections because I had tried everything I could to heal these issues with no luck. And what I discovered was that every part of my body (just like yours) corresponds to my emotional and spiritual state of being. I discovered that all the creams, medical treatments and the ignoring of patterns only added on to my problems and were not real cures to what was actually happening at a much deeper level then my physical body. I had to do something out of my box of comfort to once and for all heal my body or I was destined to live in a state of misery. So what did I do and is it something that any woman in any state of being can duplicate for herself to heal as well? Is it something that can be achieved quickly, easily and naturally?

Are You Woman Who Feels Guilt/Shame/Fear Or Has Experienced Trauma In Your Life

Many women have stored negative and/or fearful emotions or trauma within their vagina yet traditional western medicine and styles of living DO NOT want to approach this topic. The biggest issue with the way many of us have been raised is that we have these stored experiences without knowing or realizing it, matter a fact we do not even want to accept it because it means dealing with our girly parts and that is just not acceptable. After all they are dirty, forbidden and only really for procreation. We certainly do not openly get education or training on how to heal them naturally or admit that there may be something wrong that we need help with. Yet we can accept without any issue at all that we get tension headaches, or feel stress in our backs, necks and shoulders. We understand that getting an ill feeling in our gut is a sign that perhaps something is not right, but how can our vagina’s have this inner knowing and voice too? And do they really store negative energy and emotions like all our other body parts? The result of ignoring this is a tense, sore, non or infrequently orgasmic vagina. So how can we heal this?

Are You A Woman Who Has Had Children and Wants to Restore Your Vaginal Health & Strength

Anyone who has had a child or children knows that it takes some time to recover from delivery. Even if you had a C-section your womb needs time to heal and restore itself back to a pre-delivery/pregnancy state. In general with daily maintenance it takes at least 9 month to 18months to fully heal from the birth of a baby. Often, during this time many women have a tough time doing daily vaginal exercises and do not fully understand the importance of them anyway, leaving them years later with weak bladders, weak vaginal walls, PC muscles, painful cervix’s and weak to no orgasms along with many other issues such a out whack pH levels, imbalanced hormones and what is known of as the mummy tummy. So how can you prevent and/or even reverse these issues and more without surgery or major challenges?

Are You One Of The Many Women Who Want To Experience Better, Painless and More Frequent Orgasms

Hard to orgasm even with a vibrator or is with a vibrator the ONLY way you can? Lack of interest in sex? You just cannot produce the lubrication that you use too so sex is painful? You wish you could feel your partner more but you just feel dead down there? These are all issues that I personally have experienced and I know through the coaching of hundreds of women that they are common as well. So are there treatments outside of pills, man-made lubricants that don’t really work and cause the delicate pH levels of the vagina to become out of balance as well, or other pharmaceutical treatments that can REALLY help in healing and curing these issues as well as stimulate better orgasms even G-spot orgasms?

Are You A Woman Who Wants To Heal Their Mind, Body & Soul Holistically

Through ancient Chines/Taoist and Tantric practices you can experience a fully healed, charged and orgasmic state of being in ALL areas of your life. By opening up to cleansing and removing the blockages of your vagina through a few self-practice treatments done daily or weekly at home you can have the life that you have always wanted. Restoring vaginal health, strength and well being. You can harmonize your emotions and hormones. You can discover better orgasms. You can heal vaginal health issues without drugs. Reduce PMS symptoms as well as menopause.

Yes you have the opportunity to learn these 5000 year old secrets of high priestesses, queens, sexually liberated women from deep in the heart of time that WILL for certain change your life and allow you to lead a liberated, shame free, powerful, orgasmic state of being.

So the ONLY question now is: Are You Ready To Heal and Say YES to YOURSELF?

If you answer yes then please note that there are two ways for you to learn these secrets and more for your vaginal health and strength. 1) Private Coaching with Kendal 2) The Power of Vaginal Weight Lifting and Other Sexual Secrets Workshop Email me direct to find out if a class in session soon and more about 1+1 Coaching. tantrictransformation@gmail.com

Are Negative Emotions Blocking Your Drive?

mind-body-connection-exercises

Humans experience an array of emotions, anything from happiness, to sadness to extreme joy and depression. Each one of these emotions creates a different feeling within the body. After all, our body releases different chemicals when we experience various things that make us happy and each chemical works to create a different environment within the body. For example if your brain releases serotonin, dopamine or oxytocin, you will feel good and happy. Convexly, if your body releases cortisol while you are stressed, you will have an entirely different feeling associated more with the body kicking into survival mode.

What about when we are thinking negative thoughts all the time? Or how about when we are thinking positive thoughts? What about when we are not emotionally charged to neither positive nor negative? Let’s explore how these affect our body and life.

POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE

Is there duality in our world? Sure, you could say there is to a degree, but mostly we spend a lot of time defining and judging what is to be considered as positive and what we consider to be as negative. The brain is a very powerful tool and as we define what something is or should be, we begin to have that result play out in our world. Have you ever noticed, for example that someone driving can get cut off and lose their lid, get angry and suddenly they are feeling negative, down and in  bad mood? Whereas someone else can get cut off while driving and simply apply the break slightly and move on with their day as if nothing happened. In this case, the same experience yet one sees it as negative while the other doesn’t. So are things innately positive and negative? Or do we define things as positive and negative?

CUT THE PERCEPTIONS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

After thinking about it for a moment you might realize that there are in fact no positive or negative experiences other than what we define as such. Therefore our very perception of an experience or situation has the ultimate power as to how we will feel when it’s happening and how our bodies will be affected. While we can always work to move beyond our definitions of each experience and move into a state of mind/awareness/consciousness where we simply accept each experience for what it is and use it as a learning grounds for us, we may not be there yet and so it’s important to understand how certain emotions can affect our health.

“If someone wishes for good health, one must first ask oneself if he is ready to do away with the reasons for his illness. Only then is it possible to help him.” ~Hippocrates

MIND BODY CONNECTION

The connection between your mind and body is very powerful and although it cannot be visually seen, the effects your mind can have on your physical body are profound. We can have an overall positive mental attitude and deal directly with our internal challenges and in turn create a healthy lifestyle or we can be in negative, have self destructive thoughts and not deal with our internal issues, possibly even cloak those issues with affirmations and positivity without finding the route and in turn we can create an unhealthy lifestyle. Why is this?

Our emotions and experiences are essentially energy and they can be stored in the cellular memory of our bodies. Have you ever experienced something in your life that left an emotional mark or pain in a certain area of your body? Almost as if you can still feel something that may have happened to you? It is likely because in that area of your body you still hold energy released from that experience that is remaining in that area. I came across an interesting chart that explores some possible areas that various emotions might affect the body.

When you have a pain, tightness or injuries in certain areas, it’s often related to something emotionally you are feeling within yourself. At first glance it may not seem this way because we are usually very out of touch with ourselves and our emotions in this fast paced world, but it’s often the truth. When I’ve had chronic pains in my back, knees, neck or shoulders, it wasn’t exercise, physio or anything in a physical sense that healed it, it was when I dealt with the emotions behind it. I know this because I spent the time and money going to physio and even though I wanted and believed I would get better, something wasn’t being addressed still. The more I addressed the unconscious thought pattern and emotions throughout my body, the more thins loosened up and pain went away. When you get sick or are feeling a lot of tightness and pain, often times our body is asking us to observe yourself and find peace once again within yourself and your environment. It’s all a learning and growing process we don’t have to judge nor fear.

YOU HAVE THE POWER

Davis Suzuki wrote in ‘The Sacred Life’, ‘condensed molecules from breath exhaled from verbal expressions of anger, hatred, and jealousy, contain toxins. Accumulated over 1 hr, these toxins are enough to kill 80 guinea pigs!’ Can you now imagine the harm you are doing to your body when you stay within negative emotions or unprocessed emotional experience throughout the body? Remember, you have all the power in you to get through anything life throws at you. Instead of labeling with perception the concepts of negative and positive as it relates to each experience you have in your life, try to see things from a  big picture standpoint. Ask yourself, how can this help me to see or learn something? Can I use this to shift my perception? Clear some emotion within myself? Realize something within another and accept it? Whatever it may be, instead of simply reacting, slow things down and observe. You will find you have the tools to process emotions and illness quickly when you see them for what they are and explore why they came up. If you believe you will get sick all the time, and believe you have pain because it’s all out of your control, you will continue to have it all in an uncontrollable manner until you realize the control you have over much of what we attract within the body. Credits: Joe Martino of Collective Evolution Original Posting of Article @ The Mind Unleashed

Photo Credit to Awesome Mind Secrets

The Unspoken Truth About a Sex-Starved Marriage

sexstarvedDo (or did) you and your spouse have significantly different levels of desire for sex? If so, you are not alone. Did you know that 1 in 3 couples has a sexual desire gap? But just because you aren’t alone, it doesn’t mean you should be complacent about a ho-hum sexual relationship. You shouldn’t. It can lead to a miserably angry spouse, infidelity and divorce. If you don’t believe me, watch this TEDx talk on The Sex-Starved Marriage

And although solutions to this sexual divide abound in magazines, self-help books and other pop psychology outlets, there is a little talked about fact underlying the problems associated with this sexual void.

The No’s have veto power.

Here’s the scoop. The spouse with lower sexual drive controls the frequency of sex — if she or he doesn’t want it, it generally doesn’t happen. This is not due to maliciousness or a desire for power and control, it’s just seems unimaginable to be sexual if one is not in the mood.

Furthermore, there is an unspoken and often unconscious expectation that the higher desire spouse must accept the no-sex verdict, not complain about it and remain monogamous. After decades of working with couples, I can attest that this is an unfair and unworkable arrangement.

This is not to say that infidelity is a viable solution to disparate sexual interests. It isn’t. As with all relationship conflicts, being willing to find middle ground is the best way to insure love’s longevity.

But what’s a so-called “low desire spouse” to do?

Believe it or not, although sometimes the causes of low sexual desire are complex and deeply rooted, this is not always true. One of the most common causes for a sexual desire gap is also the simplest to solve. I recommend that the person with low desire adopt the Nike philosophy, and “Just Do It!” Why?

I wish I had a dollar for each time someone in my practice said, “I wasn’t in the mood when I started making love but once we got into it, I really enjoyed myself. It felt great.”

After seeing lots of this in my practice, I started to look around at the literature about sexual desire and discovered that for millions of people, sexual desire doesn’t just happen, you have to make it happen. (Basson, R.) But what does this actually mean?

The human sexual response cycle is thought to have four stages:

Stage 1: Desire, which is defined as having a sexy thought or sexual fantasy that often occurs out of the blue or in response to a trigger such as seeing an attractive person, smelling a aromatic perfume, or watching a hot movie. Desire then prompts us to become sexually active.

Stage 2: Arousal is the excitement we feel, the physiological changes in our bodies once we’re physically stimulated

Stage 3: Orgasm

Stage 4: Resolution, when our bodies return to the resting state.

But for almost half the population, stages one and two are actually reversed. They don’t feel sexual desire until they’ve been physically aroused, until they’ve been touched. But once they’ve been stimulated, they feel plenty of desire. They’re hot to trot. For these folks, arousal leads to desire, not the other way around.

If this sounds like you, it behooves you to do a little experimenting. Stop waiting for the fireworks to happen before you become sexual. Be receptive to your partner’s advances even if you’re not totally in the mood. Why? Two reasons.

You might just find that once you’re into it, you’re really into it. Plus, notice the changes in your spouse. She or he will be much nicer to be around. But don’t take my word for it. Try it. At least watch this new TEDx Talk on The Sex-Starved Marriage.


Michele Weiner-Davis is the Author of the best selling Divorce Busting, Divorce Remedy, and the Sex-Starved Marriage, and creator of the Divorce Busting Center. She is the Founder of DivorceBusting “Like” her on Facebook, and get her latest videos on YouTube.

 

ORIGINAL POST @ Huffingtonpost