Our sexuality is a primary foundation to our lives. Sex in itself is a creative process of opening up to life and allowing it to breathe through us, however in today’s times (and it has been this way for many thousands of years now) the power of sex has been forbidden by ego baring religion that was more focused on controlling the masses then on uplifting them. After thousands of years of brainwashing, the once therapeutic form of sex work, known as humanistic sex therapy, has been virtually done away with and thought of as a sin even. But for many researchers, educators and therapists who take the time to dig deep into our history of sexuality and relationship we discover a beautiful dynamic healing tool which is once again resurfacing and making a stand as the consciousness of our world shifts.
Through the use of somatic sex therapy and coaching practices a patient/client can once again capture and embody one of the most vital aspects of themselves: Their sex. They can start to heal life long wounds and investigate safe, loving ways to embrace their desires and authentic selves, thus teaching how to do the same for someone else, weather that be a person they share an intimate relationship with or otherwise. Somatic sex coaching opens up the interconnectedness of all of life, reestablishing the positive, healthy links between our sexuality and our emotional, mental, physical, psychological and spiritual selves.
Such a holistic healing approach was once common day use for many people. If we look back to Ancient Greece even, the Greek physician Galen (129 A.D.-200A.D.), historically, one of the most influential authors on medical subjects, focused on the subject of women’s unmet sexual desire and defined it as a disease. Coining the term Hysteria (Greek for “Suffering Uterus”) to describe the anxiety, irritability, sexual fantasies, pelvic heaviness and excessive vaginal lubrication in sexually deprived or particularly passionate women. This should sound pretty common term even today, as we are a sexually deprived society and many women today complain of these sorts of issues and more.
Somatic Sex Coaching is a holistic healing approach that combines hands-on techniques (“bodywork”) with traditional sex coaching techniques. Like telling the story uses the “mind memory” to release pain and promote healing, “body memory” is used to assist in the healing process.
A key part of talk therapy is retraining the mind – letting go of old beliefs and experiences, and incorporating new ones. Somatic therapy is primarily about retraining the body, so it can respond differently. Combining the mental and physical aspects in therapy creates more opportunities for healing and change by facilitating integration of the entire experience.
Somatic Sex Therapy uses various kinds of touch to promote healing, including “laying on hands”, hugs, holds, massage, stroking and other kinds of contact, as appropriate to the client’s need. Somatic therapy has some things in common with what is popularly called “healing touch” or “therapeutic touch” but somatic therapy is not an “energy”-based therapy like Reiki and others that often involve limited touch or sometimes no touch at all. Somatic Sex Therapy could include receiving or giving the kinds of touch that you might actually experience in a sexual context. While Somatic Sex Therapy is generally done fully clothed, there are situations where (similar to therapeutic massage) removal of some or all clothing is appropriate.
There are a number of alternate titles and sub-specialties for a Somatic Sex Therapist, and many different approaches to combining the mental, physical and spiritual aspects of sexuality: Sexual-Somatic Therapist, Mind-Body Sex Therapist, Body-oriented Sex Therapist, Sexual Embodiment Therapist, Holistic Sex Therapist, Reichian Sex Therapist, Sexual Bioenergetic Analyst, Sexual Therapy Practitioner, Sexological Bodyworker, Sex Surrogate, Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, Spiritual Sexuality Master, Sexual Energy Specialist, Sexual Shaman, Phoenix Fire Man/Woman, Qadishtu/Qadesh, Dakini/Daka, Tantrika, Tantric Master and Tantric Healer. Each of these professionals have a different focus and range of techniques. Some combine bodywork with psychotherapy, some are primarily bodyworkers and would work in conjunction with a traditional (no touch) Sex Therapist, and some focus on the spiritual aspects of sexuality.
Why would I want a Somatic Sex Therapist instead of a regular therapist?
Sometimes, “talk therapy” isn’t enough.
Somatic Sex Therapists help clients with a wide variety of problems, some of which have nothing to do with sex. What makes Somatic Sex Therapists different is their comfort level with sexuality and physical touch, and their ability to include an appropriate physical element to support you in achieving your goals. Consider the limitations of talk therapy in these example situations:
- “I get really anxious when someone sits too close to me on the bus.”
- “I’m lonely, but I can’t stand anyone touching me.”
- “I was raped. I want to date, but whenever a man touches me, I panic.”
- any problem where physical touch is a “trigger”
Somatic Sex Therapists are particularly helpful for resolving:
- boundary and trust issues
- body image problems
- communication problems
- anxiety or aversion to touch and/or intimacy
- pain caused by “pelvic floor guarding”, e.g. vaginismus or vulvodynia
- shame relating to fetishes or any other physical desires
- arousal problems
- lack of desire or lack of pleasure sensation
- sexual addictions
By including the physical dimension in therapy, Somatic Sex Therapists have the ability to bring greater depth to your work, and often shorten the amount of time needed to achieve the change you want.
What should I expect in a session with a Somatic Sex Therapist or Sex Coach?
You should expect the same things you would expect from any other professional. The obvious difference is that in addition to the usual conversation, sessions could include physical touch. You may be guided and encouraged to explore, but you are always in control of the limits in a session from moment to moment.
Whether the context is verbal or physical, you can expect that your boundaries will be both challenged and respected. In coaching, this can mean trying out different points of view or doing something differently than you are accustomed to, and thereby developing greater choice and flexibility. In therapy, this often means going into your “discomfort zone” so that you can access an experience and your therapist can support your resolution or reframing of that experience. Generally, once you start having a reaction, your therapist will pause and help you work through that reaction before moving on.
Your feedback is an important part of any session, and especially important in sessions involving touch. You may experience subtle internal reactions that aren’t evident, or your reaction may be obvious but unexplained. Volunteering your inner experience, such as “I’m feeling ____” or “I’m thinking ____” or “I’m remembering ____” or “I want ____” is usually helpful, just as it is in any relationship.
At all times in any session, you have the choice of saying “no” and you can expect your therapist or coach to honour that boundary. You can also expect to explore why you’ve put up that boundary and – if it’s relevant to your goals – have it appropriately challenged again.
Therapists and coaches help you develop your emotional and spiritual self much like personal fitness instructors would help you develop your physical self. As your “personal trainer”, a therapist or coach will help you do the things you’ve had difficulty doing on your own. You may initially find those things somewhat awkward or unpleasant, and you may experience pain before you see the results you want. As you develop, your sessions will be adapted to meet your changing needs and desires.
Explore Expanded Orgasm Coaching for Men HERE
Explore Orgasm Coaching for Women HERE
So, can sex be a true addiction? I can’t tell you how often people not only ask me this question but also how often I’ll hear people throw the words “Sex Addict” around.
Lately I have seen several articles and been involved in a few conversations with colleagues about Sex Addiction. In my experience people tend to have strong feelings around this topic.
Some people say that sex addiction is just another way to pathologize people and label them. Others say that sex is like a drug and can be used/abused, can be dangerous, and something to be approached with care. I believe both can be and are true.
I personally have worked in the past with people that have been labeled as sex addicts. Some of these individuals I believe were indeed mislabeled and yet others had created severe damage in their lives in the pursuit of sex. I’ve listened to stories from my past clients about going broke, ruining relationships, ending up in jail, and ruining their health in order to find sex.
So to me, the question is not if Sex Addiction (or abuse of sex) is real because I have seen the damage in my clients’ lives. I think the question is what is and what is not sex addiction!
What is Sex Addiction?
Technically there is no such thing as sex addiction in terms of medical terminology. An addiction of any form is simply a laymen’s term for what the medical and psychological community call abuse/dependence. The closest medical term that has been offered for what society considers Sex Addiction is “Hypersexual Disorder” which was not approved for usage in the latest addition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel (DSM 5), which is where all diagnoses of psychological disorders come from. Some also consider withholding sex a form of sex addition (“Sexual Anorexia”), which would fall under the category of Hypo-sexual disorder. Also, medical professionals have been unable to even determine what sex addiction is because it is often used to define any behavior that deviates from societal norms. This includes “excessive” sexual intercourse, masturbation, viewing of pornography, partners, etc.
The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” Since there is no agreed upon definition of what a sex addiction is, I would like to offer what I use with my clients to determine when someone has entered an unhealthy territory in the way of sexual behaviors.
• Are you able to function in your daily life? (Going to work, taking care of adult responsibilities, taking care of physical health, etc.)
• Are you continuing to engage in behaviors despite intense dangers to your physical health, career, or financial well-being?
• Are you unable to stop the behaviors despite them no longer bringing you pleasure?
If someone says, “Yes,” to the above situation, then they very well might be stuck in an addictive cycle with sex, porn, or masturbation. Thankfully there are many wonderful therapists/coaches that work with sex addiction and can help determine what emotional needs are trying to be met through these behaviors.
What Sex Addiction is NOT!
Often Sex Addiction is used as a scapegoat for Cheating, Lying, Jealousy, and Taboo behaviors. As long as the below behaviors are not stopping normal adult functioning, a sex addiction is not:
• Cheating: Just because a partner is enjoying sex with another person(s) does not mean they are addicted. It means that there is a breakdown somewhere in the communication and the relationship. Often women particularly will struggle emotionally with the thought of a partner cheating and so will label that other person a sex addict. I believe people often see it as a more acceptable/ less embarrassing than having to admit their partner cheated OR the person engaging in the infidelity finds it easier than having to manage the repercussions of infidelity. Cheating can cause emotional turmoil on both sides but that does not make it a sex addiction
• Polyamory/Open Relationships: Just because a person chooses a different lifestyle does not make them have an addiction. Often people are under the impression that people in these types of relationships are “sex crazed” and are constantly engaging in dangerous sexual experiences. Research studies have actually shown the exact opposite, that people in these relationships communicate and take more precautions for safety in sex than single/monogamous couples. However, instead of learning about these lifestyles, it is easier to smack a label on a person or think they are just choosing that lifestyle for the sex.
• Pornography: I do not personally like pornography because I think it can push unhealthy standards but a person does not have an addiction just because they enjoy viewing pornography. Viewing porn can be a healthy part of adult sexual experiences. Many couples pursue pornography to add spice into a relationship and many single people use it to meet their basic human needs in a safe and healthy manner.
• Enjoying Sex/Sex-ploration: Many times I will hear people throw the word sex addict out when they hear about a person engaging in more sex then they deem “appropriate.” Based on religious beliefs, upbringing, and our society, many people have strong ideals on what is and is not okay. The truth is we have no right to tell others when their desires/needs have been met or to limit them according to our personal ideals of sex. A person could have a new sex partner every night for a year and still not be a sex addict!
• Masturbation: Again, masturbation is a super healthy aspect of human sexuality and does not mean a person is a sex addict. Our bodies are meant to be enjoyed and so we don’t get to tell others how often that is okay.
• Taboo Sex: As we expand as a society, more and more people are venturing into new sexual territory. There is a reason why 50 Shades of Grey took the nation by storm! In our ignorance of a sexual preference we often label people as having a “problem.” As adults we have the right to explore whatever we like in the privacy of our own bedroom (outside of illegal preferences such as child abuse or animal abuse). Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it an addiction.
Sex Addiction is serious and can very much ruin a person’s life. If a person truly has a sex addiction then they do need help to put their lives back together. In true sexual addiction, the person needs to explore the pain and patterns that are keeping them stuck in a destructive cycle. There are some amazing therapy and treatment centers out there to help these individuals. Though beware because there are some other treatment centers that turn this addiction into a moral issue and will try to shame the addiction out of a person or suggest taking on habits such as celibacy. These treatments are not effective and will often just drive the addict deeper into the addiction long-term.
Sex Addiction is not a scapegoat phrase or something to be thrown around in order to express your dislike of a person’s sexual behaviors. It’s not an excuse for infidelity and not a rationale for someone having a high sexual appetite.
Original Article on RecovertoLife written by Kelly Martin, LPC, LCDC, Experiential Life Coach
Last week, I had the great honor to talk on the tele-seminar “Abundance Reigns” where my topic was about our hungers and desires and how they relate to creating a more fulfilling life. This was a very fun talk and very interesting to prepare because the more I prepared the presentation, the more connections I kept coming up with between our physical hunger for food and our physical and emotional need for sex. I quickly realized that I could have done the entire presentation on that topic alone and could write a dozen articles on the many ways food and sex correlate. However, for today’s purposes, I want to look at how we often use food to fill an unmet need in our sex lives.
The connection between food and sex exists for both sexes, but is extraordinarily apparent in looking at female eating and sexual behaviors. There have been entire books written simply on this topic in regards to women.
In any theory of human needs, you will find both food and sex as two vital elements. Without food, we will starve to death and without sex and physical connection, we will also fail to survive and/or simply thrive.
In my experience as a therapist working with eating disorders and as a coach working with individuals that sometimes struggle with disordered eating patterns, it is common for people to find struggles on their plate, which are really struggles in the bedroom. Often, my clients think I am crazy at first when I start asking them about their sex lives. I will get comments such as, “I don’t have any issues with sex. My issues are all around food”, “I don’t even think about sex; it doesn’t matter to me but I am constantly thinking about food”. The problem with this thought pattern being that many of us in this day and age have learned to use food as a manner in which to cover up unmet needs/desires…. And often specifically our needs/desires surrounding sex.
We as Americans often like to think we are incredibly open minded and that we are very comfortable in our sexuality. However, the truth is we have influences of religion, how we were raised, past sexual experiences, and social pressures that can alter our opinions of sex and in truth leave us starving sexually. Often, people carry around deep shame around wanting/needing physical affection and so bury these needs deep in our psyches. However, we can’t bury our needs for very long because they come out in different ways. Commonly, this avenue is our food.
How you may ask:
You aren’t getting any physical affection and feeling of comfort at home and so you simply turn to foods that provide you comfort.
You aren’t allowing yourself to truly be present and have connected sex….and so you begin bingeing on chocolate because that’s going to release similar hormones and make you have a false sense of connection.
You don’t think you deserve physical pleasure and so you start cutting foods from your diet, which brings you pleasure.
Hopefully, you are beginning to see some of the connections, but here is another more extreme example: ( LEARN MORE on this Video – Unlock the Toxic Beliefs Around Food & Sex from Marc David)
A while ago, I had the pleasure of knowing a woman, and at the time friend, she was unfortunately struggling with anorexia. When I asked this friend about her sex life, she responded that she thought sex/masturbation was dirty and sinful outside of marriage. Therefore, whenever she was “bad” and touched herself in a sexual manner, she would then have to punish herself by restricting for days simply to cleanse her guilt and shame.
You may look at this example as extreme, but honestly, I have a long list of similar stories I could share from friends, patients, clients, and personally. The point is that we are told, as women in particular, to not want/need/desire sex and the same really goes for the messages we receive around food. So, the ramification is that many of us try to stifle these needs but end up playing what I like to call “Whack a Mole” because we can’t truly get rid of those needs.
From a personal perspective, I spent years denying my sexuality and sensuality of simply being a woman. The result (amongst some other things) was a raging eating disorder that almost took my life. I didn’t want to be a sexual being and I felt extreme shame around this topic, so I attempted to starve, binge, and purge the needs away! It was not until I faced a variety of issues in my life, but particularly those surrounding sexuality, that I was able to get free.
So, before I close, I do want to clarify that not any old sex is going to fill this need that is showing up on our plates… We need connected sex with others and/or ourselves. We need to be able to feel safe, secure, and loved in that moment in order to start to fill ourselves up. The reason this is so important is because we have hormones, one being Oxytocin, that are released when we are really able to get into our bodies during a sexual experience. These are also similar hormones that are released or are decreased with certain foods.
My challenge for you is to really take a look at your relationship to your own sexuality and also your own food. Are you starving yourself of your needs and desires or are you bingeing on food and sex that are meaningless and aren’t giving you joy? Take some time to get introspective of how your own needs/desires are interacting.
— Written by Kelly Martin, Recover to Life Counselor, Coach and Mentor
6 months have passed…
Every part of my mind, body and soul are being awakened and guided to new places that I thought were reserved for only a few fortunate ones.
Kendal Williams wrapped her love and knowing around me one cold dark winter evening as I sat in a coffee shop across from her and poured out my tired and broken story. Through tears, I saw her gentle, knowing smile and heard TRUTH for the first time in my life.
Kendal has a style of coaching that is honest and direct, with constant support, through the lovely as well as the ugly. She listens, explains, shares, guides and directs with uncanny intuition and a wealth of resources.
The very next day, as promised, I received an email with a list of all we discussing, complete with easy-to-follow links for every article, person, website, and resource! My journey now includes work with her partner, Scott/Authentic Living as well as her daughter with Photography in Wonderland.
6 months have passed….and I am a new goddess
~who enjoys feeling and seeing my own body
~who asks for what I want
~who holds sensation without disconnection
~who can breathe energy into any part of my being
~who is learning to love without boundaries
~who loves self first
~who is expanding sexuality
~ who is committed to this work of transforming
I have open mind, body & soul for the next steps in my life journey with Kendal & Company as my guide.
— Laura N. Dallas, Texas (Orgasm Coaching for Women Client 2015)
Sensual Tantric Massage for Your Health & Pleasure: 7 Reason’s Why Everyone Should Explore This Ancient Art
Wouldn’t it be amazing if our doctors and psychologists of today actually prescribed Tantra and especially tantric massage for someones mental, emotional and even physical ailments?
Imagine walking into a doctor’s office sharing how much anxiety you are having, how you cannot seem to focus on tasks or keep life in order, how you have sleep issues and your digestion is all messed up. Imagine that your doctor after giving you a check up smiled and said, ” I believe I know something that can help you overcome these issues before they worsen and I am pretty sure you will enjoy this prescription…”
What if you had ADD or ADHD?
Chronic Pain? Irregular Menstrual Cycles?
High Blood Pressure? or Irregular Bowl Syndrome?
Hormone Irregularity? Stress? Premature Ejaculation Issues? Inability to Orgasm? Vaginismus or pain during sex?
What if you were seeking help from a counselor for relationship issues, your inability to connect to your partner or sex addiction?
First one might say “Tantra, isn’t that that thing Sting does that makes him last 7 hours? And does’nt it teach you all these crazy sex positions? Why and how can it help me with my health issues?”
To understand how tantric massage and tantric practices can fully change your life for the better and even help heal you of these and other ailments that are common to our modern day living and society, one must first know what tantra is.
Tantra has been practiced for over 9,000 years. It’s origins have been traced back to the Himalayan Mountains in India, where religious leaders believed that sexual ritual was the path to a higher form of ecstasy and liberation. Through this liberation and discovery and acceptance of pure authentic ecstasy, one learns how to “weave or connect together ALL aspects of life,” from spiritual to psychological, from emotional to scientific, from sexual to the embracing of art, music, and nutrition. Simply put there is NOTHING that is NOT tantric in life. Tantra is learning how to connect the dots and be present and authentic in enjoying the connection.
So what are the core benefits of Tantra and especially Sensual Tantric Massage and even Tantric Sex?
Several recent studies point to benefits of massage therapy that help heal the heart.
In 2008, researchers studied 263 volunteers who had a massage for 45 to 60 minutes. Average blood pressure fell by 10 mg Hg and heart rate by 10 beats per minute after one treatment. That’s about as much as you might get from prescribing a new blood pressure medication for life! (MindBodyGreen)
Now that is just from regular deep tissue massage!
Let’s Talk Sexual Massage… yes I just said sexual massage, so blush if you must but stop hiding that little smirk you have from the thought of having someones hands on your genitals for an extended time and you NOT having to give anything back to them…. Yes it is JUST for you and your HEALTH of course!
But it is NOT just about your genitals… And yet it is. The armouring of them that is…
Erections and wet pussies are just common side effects of tantric massage. There is no expectation or orgasm or climax during a massage.
That may have made your head cock to the side (no pun intended… well maybe no pun intended…) but it is true, the beauty behind this ancient healing art is that there is NO EXPECTATION.
The only focus, objective or desire in this massage is a mind/body connection which happens through the learning of body presence and interconnectedness to all of life. Your practitioner (tantric coach/teacher) does this by being the conduit and providing what is called “Sacred Space or Holding Space.” In this safe enviroment a person relaxes fully. Mind, body and spirit become one and your awareness is focused on ONLY the sensations that arise in your being on every level. I say every level here because it is not uncommon for a client to experience orgasmic sensation without the tradition expected results of ejaculation if you are a man or straight on clitorial or vaginal penetration if you are a woman (although these events may occur). It is also, not uncommon for clients to experience emotional release or even a deep meditational state of being.
So what are the KEY 7 Reasons that Everyone Should Explore This Ancient Body Therapy?
1) Tantric Therapy/Massage or even Sex is good for your hormones! Scientific evidence shows that stress causes cortisol to increase in our bodies. Cortisol does a number on every area of our being, from weight gain, to mood swings. It has been linked to even high blood pressure, impaired cognitive performance and lowered immunity. Basically it is the stress hormone and its not good when we are producing too much. Especially for our cardiovascular health.
2) Tantric Teachings/Massage and Sex improves your breathing, therefore reduces stress, helps improve clarity of mind, increases libido, helps increase stamina, teaches orgasm, and improves overall health and immunity levels. Tantric Massage and Sex acts like other similar sister practices such as yoga, Tai Chi and meditation.
3) Tantric Massage and Sex is first and foremost aimed at your emotional and psychological well-being. There certainly are wonderful physical attributes, you can expect even greater results emotionally though. As you learn to truly receive pleasure, self-esteem and self-worth are heightened, leading to a better overall happiness. You also, learn through the increased emotional awareness and release how to overcome and release past trauma which can help one to overcome such issues as Vaginismus, depression, chronic pain and many other trauma related issues.
4) Tantric Massage and Sex teaches a person(s) how to experience more pleasure by teaching how to release our armouring to pleasure. Often we have been programmed to experience pleasure in only certain ways and for only certain time frames, we then say NO to our selves and to pleasure and block our full life experience. Tantra can teach how to ignite our pleasure zones and embrace all of our orgasmic potential.
5) Tantric Massage and Sex helps a person to become more self-aware and present. Many people experience scattered thinking/mental focus or clarity. This is because many of us have never been taught how to stop worrying about the future or living in the past. tantra teaches us how we can fully anchor ourselves into the present moment where life is lived and healing occur’s.
6) Tantric Massage and Sex help people learn boundaries, connect with desires and curb impulses or addictions. It also helps a person learn how to ask for what they want and become good with the answer they are given. Many people who suffered from an inability to orgasm, had premature ejaculation issues or were addicted to sex or porn even mind altering substances discovered that through tantric work they could overcome these issue by learning presence, breathing and true pleasure techniques.
7) Tantric Massage and Sex is good for your bank account! Yes, sex/sexual touch/ sexual healing and money are deeply intertwined. It is becoming more and more common knowledge that the shame and programs we hold about our sex we also hold similar ones about our ability to make or keep money. Tantric practices teach how we can live an abundant life in ALL ways.
Perhaps now, the childish smirk, the blushing and increased heart beat you may have experienced at the start of this article have been washed away with an inquisitive openness and desire to try a tantric approach to your life.
At very worst case scenario, a Tantric Massage will leave you feeling relaxed, rejuvenated and as a few of my VIP clients have stated, “It is like going on a two week holiday and skipping to the second week when I finally was able to release all my work and responsibility stress and just BREATHE in the pleasure.”
ENJOY and Namaste’
This musing is intended for all the lovely women of the world but I am certain that many men out there will read this and for you incredible gentlemen who do please know that I would greatly appreciate your help if it crosses your heart to share this musing with the woman or women in your life. The power of this information is a must in our day and age and for human relationship in general.
For you lovely ladies, you are GODDESSES. Can you feel that divine beauty and power inside yourself or has the world of today so focused on the masculine style of living and doing masked you from your true grace and power? Let me ask you ladies this:
Are You A Woman Who Feels Stress/Tension/Blockages In Your Vagina or Core?
Let’s face it every day life is full of stress. If you are a mother like I am it can seem some days that you are lucky to get your teeth brushed let alone anything else. Add in the stress that many have of relationships that are troubled, financial concerns and pressures, career and any past trauma that may arise at any given moment it is amazing that we can focus on much of anything with out constant emotional or physical upheaval. All of these things when not properly processed in the mental/physical/emotional bodies can all lead to tension and blockages in our vagina’s and at our core. It is extremely important to cleanse, rejuvenate & reactivate positive healing energy to these zones of discord. But How can we do this on a daily basis in a comfortable, easy to manage way?
Are You One Of Many Women Who Want To Come Back into and/or Unleash Their Sensuality And Femininity
Today’s world finds us in a time of transition. We have so many men and women who are feeling lost and long deeply for real, authentic connection, yet do not know how to achieve this. Women have been programmed to believe that living in a masculine, focused, driving and striving for material success form is the way to be. This form of being has created a world of women who are more masculine then feminine. It has created a world where we women feel that being feminine means being overly emotional, unstable and powerless. It has created the idea that the only way to true success and value in life is to act in the energy of what men do instead of allowing ourselves the power of our hearts to create, dance, love and be women.
Sensuality is almost a lost art for many women. Many of us have become technical in our loving and sexing skills and are afraid to let our divine sensual nature out. Yet it is this nature that is our TRUE power!But how do we allow ourselves to be feminine, soft, emotional, sensual, trusting and do I dare even say it VULNERABLE in this day and age without losing ourselves to a man who wants to control or a world that says that we cannot or should not be this way?
Are You A Woman Who Feels Numbness/Tension or Stiffness In And Around Your Genitals
I personally spent years with this issue. I pushed myself to have painful sex with my partner even when I knew I would be in pain for the next week from it. I tried to ignore the constant onset of vaginal discomfort, dryness and even yeast infections because I had tried everything I could to heal these issues with no luck. And what I discovered was that every part of my body (just like yours) corresponds to my emotional and spiritual state of being. I discovered that all the creams, medical treatments and the ignoring of patterns only added on to my problems and were not real cures to what was actually happening at a much deeper level then my physical body. I had to do something out of my box of comfort to once and for all heal my body or I was destined to live in a state of misery. So what did I do and is it something that any woman in any state of being can duplicate for herself to heal as well? Is it something that can be achieved quickly, easily and naturally?
Are You Woman Who Feels Guilt/Shame/Fear Or Has Experienced Trauma In Your Life
Many women have stored negative and/or fearful emotions or trauma within their vagina yet traditional western medicine and styles of living DO NOT want to approach this topic. The biggest issue with the way many of us have been raised is that we have these stored experiences without knowing or realizing it, matter a fact we do not even want to accept it because it means dealing with our girly parts and that is just not acceptable. After all they are dirty, forbidden and only really for procreation. We certainly do not openly get education or training on how to heal them naturally or admit that there may be something wrong that we need help with. Yet we can accept without any issue at all that we get tension headaches, or feel stress in our backs, necks and shoulders. We understand that getting an ill feeling in our gut is a sign that perhaps something is not right, but how can our vagina’s have this inner knowing and voice too? And do they really store negative energy and emotions like all our other body parts? The result of ignoring this is a tense, sore, non or infrequently orgasmic vagina. So how can we heal this?
Are You A Woman Who Has Had Children and Wants to Restore Your Vaginal Health & Strength
Anyone who has had a child or children knows that it takes some time to recover from delivery. Even if you had a C-section your womb needs time to heal and restore itself back to a pre-delivery/pregnancy state. In general with daily maintenance it takes at least 9 month to 18months to fully heal from the birth of a baby. Often, during this time many women have a tough time doing daily vaginal exercises and do not fully understand the importance of them anyway, leaving them years later with weak bladders, weak vaginal walls, PC muscles, painful cervix’s and weak to no orgasms along with many other issues such a out whack pH levels, imbalanced hormones and what is known of as the mummy tummy. So how can you prevent and/or even reverse these issues and more without surgery or major challenges?
Are You One Of The Many Women Who Want To Experience Better, Painless and More Frequent Orgasms
Hard to orgasm even with a vibrator or is with a vibrator the ONLY way you can? Lack of interest in sex? You just cannot produce the lubrication that you use too so sex is painful? You wish you could feel your partner more but you just feel dead down there? These are all issues that I personally have experienced and I know through the coaching of hundreds of women that they are common as well. So are there treatments outside of pills, man-made lubricants that don’t really work and cause the delicate pH levels of the vagina to become out of balance as well, or other pharmaceutical treatments that can REALLY help in healing and curing these issues as well as stimulate better orgasms even G-spot orgasms?
Are You A Woman Who Wants To Heal Their Mind, Body & Soul Holistically
Through ancient Chines/Taoist and Tantric practices you can experience a fully healed, charged and orgasmic state of being in ALL areas of your life. By opening up to cleansing and removing the blockages of your vagina through a few self-practice treatments done daily or weekly at home you can have the life that you have always wanted. Restoring vaginal health, strength and well being. You can harmonize your emotions and hormones. You can discover better orgasms. You can heal vaginal health issues without drugs. Reduce PMS symptoms as well as menopause.
Yes you have the opportunity to learn these 5000 year old secrets of high priestesses, queens, sexually liberated women from deep in the heart of time that WILL for certain change your life and allow you to lead a liberated, shame free, powerful, orgasmic state of being.
So the ONLY question now is: Are You Ready To Heal and Say YES to YOURSELF?
If you answer yes then please note that there are two ways for you to learn these secrets and more for your vaginal health and strength. 1) Private Coaching with Kendal 2) The Power of Vaginal Weight Lifting and Other Sexual Secrets Workshop Email me direct to find out if a class in session soon and more about 1+1 Coaching. firstname.lastname@example.org
Humans experience an array of emotions, anything from happiness, to sadness to extreme joy and depression. Each one of these emotions creates a different feeling within the body. After all, our body releases different chemicals when we experience various things that make us happy and each chemical works to create a different environment within the body. For example if your brain releases serotonin, dopamine or oxytocin, you will feel good and happy. Convexly, if your body releases cortisol while you are stressed, you will have an entirely different feeling associated more with the body kicking into survival mode.
What about when we are thinking negative thoughts all the time? Or how about when we are thinking positive thoughts? What about when we are not emotionally charged to neither positive nor negative? Let’s explore how these affect our body and life.
POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE
Is there duality in our world? Sure, you could say there is to a degree, but mostly we spend a lot of time defining and judging what is to be considered as positive and what we consider to be as negative. The brain is a very powerful tool and as we define what something is or should be, we begin to have that result play out in our world. Have you ever noticed, for example that someone driving can get cut off and lose their lid, get angry and suddenly they are feeling negative, down and in bad mood? Whereas someone else can get cut off while driving and simply apply the break slightly and move on with their day as if nothing happened. In this case, the same experience yet one sees it as negative while the other doesn’t. So are things innately positive and negative? Or do we define things as positive and negative?
CUT THE PERCEPTIONS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
After thinking about it for a moment you might realize that there are in fact no positive or negative experiences other than what we define as such. Therefore our very perception of an experience or situation has the ultimate power as to how we will feel when it’s happening and how our bodies will be affected. While we can always work to move beyond our definitions of each experience and move into a state of mind/awareness/consciousness where we simply accept each experience for what it is and use it as a learning grounds for us, we may not be there yet and so it’s important to understand how certain emotions can affect our health.
“If someone wishes for good health, one must first ask oneself if he is ready to do away with the reasons for his illness. Only then is it possible to help him.” ~Hippocrates
The connection between your mind and body is very powerful and although it cannot be visually seen, the effects your mind can have on your physical body are profound. We can have an overall positive mental attitude and deal directly with our internal challenges and in turn create a healthy lifestyle or we can be in negative, have self destructive thoughts and not deal with our internal issues, possibly even cloak those issues with affirmations and positivity without finding the route and in turn we can create an unhealthy lifestyle. Why is this?
Our emotions and experiences are essentially energy and they can be stored in the cellular memory of our bodies. Have you ever experienced something in your life that left an emotional mark or pain in a certain area of your body? Almost as if you can still feel something that may have happened to you? It is likely because in that area of your body you still hold energy released from that experience that is remaining in that area. I came across an interesting chart that explores some possible areas that various emotions might affect the body.
When you have a pain, tightness or injuries in certain areas, it’s often related to something emotionally you are feeling within yourself. At first glance it may not seem this way because we are usually very out of touch with ourselves and our emotions in this fast paced world, but it’s often the truth. When I’ve had chronic pains in my back, knees, neck or shoulders, it wasn’t exercise, physio or anything in a physical sense that healed it, it was when I dealt with the emotions behind it. I know this because I spent the time and money going to physio and even though I wanted and believed I would get better, something wasn’t being addressed still. The more I addressed the unconscious thought pattern and emotions throughout my body, the more thins loosened up and pain went away. When you get sick or are feeling a lot of tightness and pain, often times our body is asking us to observe yourself and find peace once again within yourself and your environment. It’s all a learning and growing process we don’t have to judge nor fear.
YOU HAVE THE POWER
Davis Suzuki wrote in ‘The Sacred Life’, ‘condensed molecules from breath exhaled from verbal expressions of anger, hatred, and jealousy, contain toxins. Accumulated over 1 hr, these toxins are enough to kill 80 guinea pigs!’ Can you now imagine the harm you are doing to your body when you stay within negative emotions or unprocessed emotional experience throughout the body? Remember, you have all the power in you to get through anything life throws at you. Instead of labeling with perception the concepts of negative and positive as it relates to each experience you have in your life, try to see things from a big picture standpoint. Ask yourself, how can this help me to see or learn something? Can I use this to shift my perception? Clear some emotion within myself? Realize something within another and accept it? Whatever it may be, instead of simply reacting, slow things down and observe. You will find you have the tools to process emotions and illness quickly when you see them for what they are and explore why they came up. If you believe you will get sick all the time, and believe you have pain because it’s all out of your control, you will continue to have it all in an uncontrollable manner until you realize the control you have over much of what we attract within the body. Credits: Joe Martino of Collective Evolution Original Posting of Article @ The Mind Unleashed
Photo Credit to Awesome Mind Secrets
Do (or did) you and your spouse have significantly different levels of desire for sex? If so, you are not alone. Did you know that 1 in 3 couples has a sexual desire gap? But just because you aren’t alone, it doesn’t mean you should be complacent about a ho-hum sexual relationship. You shouldn’t. It can lead to a miserably angry spouse, infidelity and divorce. If you don’t believe me, watch this TEDx talk on The Sex-Starved Marriage
And although solutions to this sexual divide abound in magazines, self-help books and other pop psychology outlets, there is a little talked about fact underlying the problems associated with this sexual void.
The No’s have veto power.
Here’s the scoop. The spouse with lower sexual drive controls the frequency of sex — if she or he doesn’t want it, it generally doesn’t happen. This is not due to maliciousness or a desire for power and control, it’s just seems unimaginable to be sexual if one is not in the mood.
Furthermore, there is an unspoken and often unconscious expectation that the higher desire spouse must accept the no-sex verdict, not complain about it and remain monogamous. After decades of working with couples, I can attest that this is an unfair and unworkable arrangement.
This is not to say that infidelity is a viable solution to disparate sexual interests. It isn’t. As with all relationship conflicts, being willing to find middle ground is the best way to insure love’s longevity.
But what’s a so-called “low desire spouse” to do?
Believe it or not, although sometimes the causes of low sexual desire are complex and deeply rooted, this is not always true. One of the most common causes for a sexual desire gap is also the simplest to solve. I recommend that the person with low desire adopt the Nike philosophy, and “Just Do It!” Why?
I wish I had a dollar for each time someone in my practice said, “I wasn’t in the mood when I started making love but once we got into it, I really enjoyed myself. It felt great.”
After seeing lots of this in my practice, I started to look around at the literature about sexual desire and discovered that for millions of people, sexual desire doesn’t just happen, you have to make it happen. (Basson, R.) But what does this actually mean?
The human sexual response cycle is thought to have four stages:
Stage 1: Desire, which is defined as having a sexy thought or sexual fantasy that often occurs out of the blue or in response to a trigger such as seeing an attractive person, smelling a aromatic perfume, or watching a hot movie. Desire then prompts us to become sexually active.
Stage 2: Arousal is the excitement we feel, the physiological changes in our bodies once we’re physically stimulated
Stage 3: Orgasm
Stage 4: Resolution, when our bodies return to the resting state.
But for almost half the population, stages one and two are actually reversed. They don’t feel sexual desire until they’ve been physically aroused, until they’ve been touched. But once they’ve been stimulated, they feel plenty of desire. They’re hot to trot. For these folks, arousal leads to desire, not the other way around.
If this sounds like you, it behooves you to do a little experimenting. Stop waiting for the fireworks to happen before you become sexual. Be receptive to your partner’s advances even if you’re not totally in the mood. Why? Two reasons.
You might just find that once you’re into it, you’re really into it. Plus, notice the changes in your spouse. She or he will be much nicer to be around. But don’t take my word for it. Try it. At least watch this new TEDx Talk on The Sex-Starved Marriage.
Michele Weiner-Davis is the Author of the best selling Divorce Busting, Divorce Remedy, and the Sex-Starved Marriage, and creator of the Divorce Busting Center. She is the Founder of DivorceBusting “Like” her on Facebook, and get her latest videos on YouTube.
ORIGINAL POST @ Huffingtonpost
“When the library of yourselves was torn from the shelves and scattered, and the DNA was split so that there were only two strands left with very little data and very little memory, sexuality was left intact in the physical body. It was left as a form of reproduction, of course—as a form for the species to stay in touch with its own essence and bring itself into life. Very deep inside the mechanism of sexuality is a frequency that can be attained that has been sought after and misunderstood by many people. It is called orgasm. The orgasm has been distorted from its original purpose. Your body has forgotten the cosmic orgasm of which it is capable because society has taught you for thousands and thousands of years that sexuality is bad. You have been taught this in order for you to be controlled and to keep you from seeking the freedom available through sexuality. Sexuality connects you with a frequency of ecstasy, which connects you back to your divine source and to information. Sexuality has been given a bad name upon this planet, and that bad name is stored in your cellular memory. This is not just from this lifetime; it is from thousands of years of misappropriation and misuse. It is necessary for you to clear the negativity surrounding sexuality from this lifetime, as well as to experience and examine how you utilize sexual energy and sexual expression in your multidimensional selves. The sexual parts of the body are avenues to pleasure that create frequencies that heal and stimulate the body and potentially lead it to its higher spiritual self. Sexuality is so misunderstood on this planet that, when it is exchanged between two persons, very seldom is there an intent to connect spirituality with it. Sexuality invokes a spirituality that is free and that looks at itself as a creator. However, very seldom is sexuality used as a bridge to take you to higher levels of consciousness.
We have spoken with a number of individuals who have been utilizing light. Since finding the proper partner in a monogamous situation, they have been able to achieve very high states of being. Monogamy tends to work for most of you very well because of where you are vibrationally. When you have many partners, you tend to be less than honest and to hide who you are: you share a little here, there, and everywhere in scattering your seed. It is best to be with one person, but this does not mean the same person forever. Be loyal, be open, and be sharing with the person you are working with, and go as far as you can with them. If it happens to be your whole life, wonderful. If it doesn’t, then when you come to a place where you are no longer communicating and serving one another, and you feel the relationship is not going to be able to make a leap, terminate the relationship and find another person who works with your vibration.
When you work one-on-one intimately, you develop trust. Most of you have difficulty trusting yourselves because you don’t have a role model for trust. You can learn about trust in a relationship because a relationship acts as a mirror for you, showing you what you cannot see from your own viewpoint. It shows you yourself outside of yourself when you have open communication within sexuality and deep intimacy, and when you are not using sexuality as a distraction for getting close. Many of you have used sexuality as a distraction and a way to avoid intimacy rather than to develop it. You begin to get energetic and to look into one another’s eyes and to feel all hot and excited. Then, instead of exploring each other intimately and spiritually, you shut down your feeling centers, put on your armor, and have shallow, genital sex because it is too frightening and too intense to go the deeper route of full body and full spiritual connection. Sometimes hot sex feels great and is wonderful. We are simply saying that there is more. There is much more, and no one is keeping it from you except yourselves and the beliefs and fear you have of letting down your boundaries and walls. Many of the fears you have are based on what you have created for yourselves and what you have done to others in your sexual life. Your sexual history affects every other portion of your soul, so all of your soul’s issues are broadcast loud and clear throughout your body. You don’t want to look at this sometimes because it is too painful, and you judge it because you think it is bad. Stop judging, and get neutral about what you have done—no matter what you discover, no matter how heinous it seems, no matter how difficult it seems, and no matter how much violation it involves. Understand that your purpose has been to gather data and to understand your selves. Sexuality is a frequency. It represents what was not taken away from you even though your history, your memories, and your identity were removed and scattered. The way you were left intact with the ability to discover who you were was through the sexual experience. Of course, you were never taught this. We are going to do some church bashing here. So sorry for anyone who is a member of the churches. The churches came about as organizations—businesses to control religion and spiritual development and to create jobs, to create a hierarchy, and to create a club. Very few churches came about with the idea of bringing information to people. You don’t usually think of religion as something that keeps you informed, do you? Any religion that brings information is a religion operating on the vibration of truth. Spiritual realms are places of existence that the human body is locked away from. Because sexuality was an opportunity for human beings to regain their memory, or to connect with their spiritual selves and spiritual creator, or to find an avenue to the spiritual realm that you are sealed off from, the churches came about and promoted sexuality for procreation. They taught you that the only reason you had sexuality was to produce little humans. Sexuality was promoted as something very bad. Women were told that sexuality was something they had to undergo to serve men and that they had no control over the birthing process. Women believed this; hence, to this day, you believe in general that you have no control over that portion of your body. You must realize that only you decide whether you are going to birth a child or not. This is not such a complicated thing as you have been told. Decision and intention are what bring the experience to your being. You can control whether you have a baby or not. If woman had had this ability for the last several thousand years, and if she had been able to explore her sexual self without fear of having a child, perhaps men and women would have discovered that they were much freer than they had been told they were. The discovery of the highest frequency of sexuality arises from the love experience. It has nothing to do with relationships being either homosexual or heterosexual. It has to do with two human beings bringing pleasure to one another in a way that opens frequencies of consciousness. You have bought many ideas about what is proper and what is improper within sexual expression.
Love is the essence that is to be created in all relationships. If you love and honor someone, it doesn’t matter what your composition of density is. What matters is the love vibration and how you explore this love, which ideally is gifted and coupled with the integration of the male and the female counterparts that make the twin flame.
Ideally, sexuality is explored through feelings. The third and fourth chakras connect you to the emotional and compassionate selves, which connect you to the spiritual self. The spiritual self is the part of yourself that is multidimensional through which you exist in many forms simultaneously. It is your assignment and agreement and task to be aware of all these realities in the identity that you are. When you are aware, you can tune into the different frequencies, remember who you are, and change the vibratory rate of this universe. We love to talk about sexuality because it is so mysterious upon this planet. Certain mystery schools have held some of the knowledge about the potential uses of sexuality in secrecy. You are electromagnetic creatures, and when you come together physically with another human creature, you bond your electromagnetic frequencies together. When your frequencies are attuned and joined by a love frequency, incredible things can occur. Thousands of years ago, when society had more of a matriarchal view in certain areas of the planet, Goddess energy was coming through and working with certain individuals. The female understood her power, her intuition, her feeling center, her connection, and her desire to create life. She also understood that she never had to conceive a child if it was not her intention to do so.
In order for the patriarchal society to come full circle and prepare Earth for this shift in consciousness, female energy needed to take a back seat. So female power, energy, and understanding of sexuality were suppressed. In modern times—the past two thousand years—it came to be upon the planet that women believed they had no control over when they could have children, that sexuality was deemed bad and disgusting, and that sex was taught to be performed only within the rights of marriages and so on. All of this was a marketing program.
Some of the present-day marketing programs to create an even greater fear of sexuality and its expression are the new diseases: AIDS, herpes, and all the other things. You read about these things in your newspapers and become frightened of your own expression, frightened of your own intuition, and frightened of your own joy. Do you understand? Before DNA was rearranged, the way many people reached the higher realms and were able to climb the ladders of themselves and reach into off-planet frequencies was by electromagnetically bonding through love. They created a rocketship-like experience to propel them out into other systems of reality. This has been one of the best-kept secrets upon the planet. Many we have spoken to have had absolutely profound experiences with their sexuality. We would like to point out again that we are not making distinctions or judgments about who you happen to bond with in a relationship, and we suggest that you give up that judgment as well. It is old programming. It does not matter whether you bond with a member of the opposite sex or a member of your own sex. We are talking about two humans coming together by physically joining themselves in whatever ways are appropriate for them to join and create love, because they are sharing love. When integrity and love are missing from a joining of human bodies, that is when human beings do not think well of their experience. This can create all kinds of damaging results within the physical body. You were left with the frequency of the orgasmic experience in sexuality so that you could remember your higher identity. When this energy or history of yourself is revealed and you discover who you are, you will unite many bodies of your personal multidimensional identity in your physical form. To receive the full impact of the gridwork of your identity, let the twelve helixes fit in your body and allow the light-encoded filaments to rearrange themselves. This process has to do with the mental body, which is of course connected to the physical body. The emotional body, which is connected to the spiritual body, is the body that everybody wants to skip. You say, “I want to evolve. I want a rapid acceleration, but I do not want to go through the feeling center to do it.” You are connected to your multidimensional selves through your feelings, and it is in your feelings that you primarily get stuck. Accept that your “stuff” comes up for a reason. Many of you would like to bury your “stuff” and throw it out in the trash as if it is something ugly and not who you are. This “stuff” is the shadow portion of your identity that you don’t like to deal with or accept. We understand that sometimes, when something comes up, you label it and say, “I hate this part of myself. I want to just finish it and sweep it under the rug and forget it. I’m finished with this stuff.” Guess what. Your “stuff”—your issues—are the treasures of your life. They are how you learn. You have agreed to mutate, to pull light into your body, and to birth the family of light on this planet. Since light is information, you must deal with all of the things you have hidden from yourself. Sexuality is the primary issue because it is the secret self—the self you hide from. Society has said to you, “This is good. This is bad. You are to do this. You are not to do this.” Who gave you these laws? Who gave you any of your laws to begin with? You have been stuck because you can’t read the symbols of the language you are speaking to yourselves. So you dwell upon it. Many of you love your stories because they get you attention. If you didn’t have a story, who would talk to you? Observe your body and see what it is teaching the self. Ideally, you will heal the sore and create a place of greater comfort and joy as you learn to dwell more completely in your physical body and have a new identity of your sexuality.
Sexuality is a key. It is a doorway to the higher realms of consciousness. As you redefine yourselves, and the light-encoded filaments give you a new definition of yourselves, you are going to change who you are sexually as well. Sexuality must come up for all of you, and, we will say from experience, it is the area that you are most frightened of at this time. We guarantee there will be more frightening areas later. If you are stuck on the idea of love and cannot comprehend what is going on with it, your difficulty is that you are looking for love outside yourself. You are looking for somebody else to put meaning in your life and validate you. If you do not have that person, you become angry or feel you are worthless. This is a pattern you grew up with, which your parents and your society showed you. We have said over and over again that the most important thing you can do is love yourself and honor Earth. But you keep forgetting this and looking for the next relationship to make you whole or complete. You feel that without a relationship you are perhaps less than an acceptable citizen. Then you feel lonely. You must learn how to be alone. Loneliness is simply a state of mind. You are never, never alone. You have multitudes of entities around you. If you would stop feeling sorry for yourselves, you would find that there is so much data constantly being blasted at you that you may want to be alone so you can have a good time receiving the contact. When you love yourself and stop getting convoluted about the need to have someone else love you, you are able to accept what someone offers. It is imperative that you value yourself so that you do not settle for a love disguised. If you decide to go for a partner or to vibrate with someone, and you do not receive what you want, do not whine or nag or pout about the person to make them change according to your needs. If you set a value for yourself and do not create it, then simply change your reality and continue onward alone until you meet someone who reflects your value. All the while, vibrate in the love of the self, honor the self, and understand that the journey here is about self discovery in relationship to others. It is not just about husbands or wives. The journey here is about honoring your physical body and the uniqueness of the self as you touch the lives of many. Always allow yourself to work with the self and let the self evolve. You are all afraid of being intimate with yourselves—of being alone with the self. Once you develop an intimacy, a silence, a self-love, and a containment of your energy, then you will want to make that aspect of intimacy your standard for intimacy with someone else.
Sexuality can be very confusing at this time because you are raising and studying your frequencies. When you join bodies, even when you hug one another, you exchange frequency. When you have a sexual experience, there is a hormonal release inside the body. The hormones awaken certain energies inside the cells, and there is a transference of one person’s essence onto the other person. That is why when you have had sexual experiences with someone you sometimes cannot get their energy off you. Even though you don’t want to be with the person, the sexual experience stays with you because you have had an electromagnetic exchange. You are going through this frequency modulation and learning how to raise your frequency to a place of consistent information, self-love, and self-intimacy. Therefore, it can seem very confusing and sometimes frightening to take this vulnerable thing you are learning about yourself and layer up and merge with another. The more you become aware, the more you take charge of how you use your body, where you plug it in, where you sit it down, and certainly who you mix it with sexually.
If expressing yourself sexually now encouraged your greatest growth, you would automatically create that experience for yourself because you would be ready for it. Understand that, during the process of evolving the self, very often a period of dormancy in sexual activity occurs. Within the sexual frequency, you exchange with one another. So if you are bonding yourself and chemically exchanging with a person who is not of your likeness, you are taking on their garbage because you are exchanging energy quite intimately. Sometimes you will be led away from that kind of exchange. You may think, “Oh, my goodness, what is happening? Am I turning old? Am I drying up? What is going on?” That is not the case. You can learn to use the energy that would stimulate you sexually without giving it over to another person. Instead of getting chaotic and crazy, you may explore that energy by practicing the art of masturbation, knowing that it is perfectly legitimate and fine to do it. Or, you may want to simply observe that you feel a sexual arousal and decide what you are going to do with it. You may say, “Well, I’m not going to act on this now. Let’s see where this energy goes.” Take the energy, let it rise through your body, and use it in other areas. You will get to a point when you must adore, sustain, and love yourself as if you are holding yourself like a newborn babe in your own arms, knowing you will do the best for yourself. Many of you distract yourselves. Find the place of serenity and silence in which you can find answers. You cannot find answers by dialing the telephone all day long and asking everyone else for them. If you attempt to, you are demonstrating that you are looking outside of yourself. When you learn how to turn within to find answers, the self will speak. Usually you cannot hear because you are locked in behavioral patterns that you know you have to change but that you don’t want to change because you don’t know who you will be. In all honesty, you are afraid of yourselves. This is a very common thing. You are afraid you will not be complete, and you want to be complete very much. So you say, “I am complete. I am sovereign. I need someone else. I am attracted to someone. Oh, no, I cannot look. I am too frightened of that. I don’t need anyone. I do need someone.” You go back and forth. Learn to still your mind. Learn to become completely in charge of your energy. What does that mean? It means that wherever you are, you observe yourself—how your body is positioned, how you are using your hands, whether you are repeating yourself over and over again, whether you are speaking or silent. Learn to watch yourself with no judgment. Learn to watch and self correct by determining how you would like to be versus how you are. Learn to quiet your mind. Frequency is carried from you to another person particularly if there is a love bonding. A love bonding does not mean that you are going to cleave to one another forever. It simply means that you are in a relationship for however long you deem that relationship appropriate in that you honor one another and exchange energies and let the energies flow as if through open circuitry. When you do not love another and you are not bonded, there is no exchange; the circuitry does not open. It does not mean that you cannot have good sex; it simply means that the circuitry is not open. As this electrical current is raised higher and higher, there are greater heights of orgasmic experience that the human body can receive because the nervous system is able to handle the higher ecstatic frequencies. The nervous system will determine how you express yourself and how you feel. If you have a poorly evolved nervous system, your sexual experience will be very limited because the nervous system conducts the electrical current. The orgasmic experience brings about a healing and realignment of the physical body.
Eventually, you will not be able to get close to or be with someone who is not operating at the same voltage you are. You simply will not fit. It would be like putting a size nine foot into a size two shoe. It won’t work or be comfortable. You won’t fit because you won’t be able to merge vibrationally. You will eventually understand the importance of vibrational nourishment as you begin to link sexually. Linking sexually is only one way of merging with people who are moving at the same or a compatible voltage rate. Your reality is very interesting to us because you have so many clues in your waking world. When you go to a foreign country, your electrical appliances do not plug in. They don’t fit, so you need an adapter. It would be stressful if you had to continuously adapt to a vibration when you were involved intimately in a sexual relationship. It would be too much effort. You would spend all your energy creating the adaptive mechanisms. Then you would be in denial and not give yourself permission to go further because you would lower the ceiling.
The sixties marked the opening of sexual exploration. In an instant, the paradigm shifted. Much of the energy that was on the planet at that time, coupled with the experimental ingestion of different mind-altering substances, immediately made a new paradigm and split you from previous generations. The boundaries were instantly changed. You were split from a generation that believed in war and did not feel—a generation whose sexual expression was done in the dark, perhaps with many clothes on. You broke the paradigm wide open in many ways, and you set new trends and created new ways of being. It was wonderful. “Oh, goodness, free sex and love and bodies showing!” you said. Now it is time for a whole new revolution through which you will become vibrationally hooked to a person. There will be no more distractions of sexuality and no more pretending that you are without hang-ups—that you are sexually liberated because you can be in this position and that position and say this and do that. That is simply body aerobics in the area of sexuality. We want you to get into the aerobics and contortions of the soul—the vibration. The depth of two people coming together and linking in this capacity is what you all crave. If you are frightened of it, it is because you don’t have a framework or role model for it. You must design one. You must trust that somehow the energy in the design of the cosmic blueprint will instantly bring about a new movement based on the desire for this next step of understanding yourselves. You will remember with great clarity your expressions of sexuality in your different manipulations through reality—when you have been both men and women and explored sexuality in every aspect. It takes courage to do this. If there is one area in which you really judge yourselves, and in which the planet does great judging, it is sex. You have had some definite ideas about what is sexually proper and improper. So, many of you may be shocked to remember what you have done with your sexuality. Understand that, on this planet, sexuality has always been the body’s link to its higher frequency. Even though much of the data was scattered and disassembled in the body, this potential to create life remained for you to completely understand who you are at the base of your being and at the core of who you are. Sexual vibration has been your link with your cosmic identity, but this whole concept has been completely misunderstood and lost. We are simply saying that there is a bigger story and that it is much more exciting than anyone has dared to believe. There were those who did not want you to be in tune with these frequencies because the sexual frequencies could have taken you to areas of liberation where you would have begun to figure things out. Sexuality was left as a frequency for you to ride through the nervous system and connect with the higher mind by going out of your body. If you had been told that this was the route out, who could have controlled or manipulated you? The population must clear the negative connotations and judgments that have colored your sexual experience for eons. You must make peace with sex in order to integrate the frequencies and identity. Things have been manipulated and given a boundary of limitation so that the truth of sexuality has been kept from you. You have been told that you can procreate with it and have orgasms, but you have not been told that you can open frequencies with it. You can come into contact and use it as a method of remembering who you are and altering the vibrational frequency of your body. In the next few years, your expression of sexuality will have a whole new dimension. You will evolve and grow, provided that you have a partner who is willing to take the same route and to be that open. But if you are with someone who wants to play the avoidance game or the game of denial, you will not get there.”
– via Barbara Marciniak, from the book “Bringers of the Dawn”
Feeling who you are is the first step; living true to your identity is next.
Your identity is who you feel you are. If you feel you are a corporate executive, you will act very differently than if you feel you are infinite light. Who you feel yourself as is your identity. Spiritual growth involves deepening your identity, feeling more deeply who you are.
But after you have discovered a certain level of depth, then you must conform your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to this depth of openness—otherwise, your life-practice lags behind your identity-practice. Suppose, for example, you realize that at heart you are love. You realize that although you might function as a mother, a politician, or a baker, at depth you actually are love.
This realization is half of your spiritual practice. The other half is to live true to your newly realized identity, in spite of old habits to the contrary. You can now practice to do love. When you walk, how can you let go of your old habits of tension and move as an expression of the love you feel you are at depth? At your job, how can you work as the love you truly are? What changes do you need to make in your daily life-rituals so that love can radiate through your every breath, action, and relationship?
Most people find it much easier to grow deeper in identity (“Who am I?”) than to express this depth through daily life. They discover they are love, for instance, and still spend hours gossiping or watching TV. They self-justify by thinking they can be love while also lazing around, and this is true. But if they were really sensitive and honest with themselves, they would feel that certain behaviors conduct love more than others do. Singing with a relaxed throat is more conducive to expressing love than singing with a tense throat, although you can love and also be tense. You can make love with a hard belly or a soft belly, but love flows more fully through a soft belly.
“Am I receiving love from others fully into my body? Is love flowing through my body outward to others fully?” You learn to feel the flow of love as feedback. Before, you were able to bad-mouth others with a laugh and a sneer. Now that you have opened more deeply, you can feel how such gossip creates a subtle closure, a tension in yourself and in the friends you are speaking with. So you practice living more true to the depth of love you are, which in this case may mean gossiping less so love can flow more fully through your body and your friends.
You can notice how your diet affects the openness in yourself and others. True, you can be open as love and eat anything. Nevertheless, certain foods may contribute to a subtle closure in your body, emotions, and mind, and therefore instigate closure in your relationships.
Love, or openness, is. You can practice opening just as you are. As you grow in your capacity to be openness, you can also grow in your capacity to do openness. Your body, mind, and actions—whether in dreams or while awake—can live more or less true to the love-openness that is their source.
Whatever appears in any moment, including right now—your thoughts, the room, other people—is the given medium for love’s emergence. You don’t have much control over what appears, but you can practice true to your realized depth—or not. You can choose to gift the world and all others with the deepest love or openness that you can open as. You can practice to think as openness, to act as openness, to breathe as openness, now and in any moment. You can feel the texture of every moment of every relationship and act to align your words and touch and gaze so the openness of love prevails.
You can practice living as the deepest openness that you know you are. One enemy of this practice is laziness, or the misconception that knowing you are love is sufficient. Knowing or feeling the deep openness who you are is fairly easy; living as this openness, and serving all others to live as this love, in every moment through all appearances, is where the art is.
Usually, there is substantial lag time between the realization of depth and your capacity to live it. Your emotions, sex, and relationships tend to be much less open than who you feel you are at depth. True art requires practice. Living as an artful expression of openness—so even the tone of your voice, the grace of your gestures, and the play of your sexing are exquisite expressions of the love who you are—requires years of spontaneous gifting and rigorous practice.
If knowing the truth is sufficient for you, then practice the art of philosophy. If only living the truth will suffice, then practice the art of love through your mind, your emotions, and your body. Do your best to breathe love, in and out.
Receive the presence of the entire moment deep into your body—into your heart, into your belly, into your loins—as a lover would open deeply to receive her trusted beloved. Give your deepest love, pressing your love into the moment’s openness without holding anything back, as a lover would press his love gently and deeply into his trusting beloved. Soften your belly as love. Speak so that listeners open. Prepare food and arrange your house as love’s radiant gifts of enchantment.
Even in your nighttime dreams, your daydreams, and your secret moments of private time, practice the art of doing love through whatever medium appears. When you notice your mind wandering to a sexual fantasy, consciously guide the imagery toward love’s fullness, so that all the characters in the fantasy are heartfully served by your sexual gifts and opened as love’s unbound ecstasy. If you find yourself lonely, raiding the refrigerator at night, suck the fullness of the moment deep into your heart with each swallow, and allow each mouthful’s joy to radiate outward, breathing your secret pleasure as a gift freely offered from your heart through your whole body to all.
In this way, every place that comes and goes also opens as love fully offered.
From Blue Truth by David Deida, Chapter 15