How did I get myself into this one…
My confessions: I’m a hardcore romance junkie, like heroin and crack. And I can’t seem to confront myself directly without going through a man to do it.
What is it in here that is so disturbing to me that I can’t face it?
Perhaps the squirming snake of my own immense hunger, endless and ready to swallow the nutrient it craves whole. The moral-less flavor of it, the disregard it has for human life, for values, for ideals, for feelings, for “where people are at,” for slowing down and for “holding space.”
It’s this coiling boa constrictor of appetite that is simply meant to eat. The hunting predator in the woods doesn’t think at all except to calculate distance, how to make sure the wind doesn’t carry her scent to her prey, and how to have it be that her final powerful leap lands her right on top of her target.
This is the one in me who craves the romance. I don’t know why romance is the thing. I don’t know if it is because my dad used to drink and he used to leak emotion all over me when he was in his cups deep, emotion that had this thick sweet cloying romantic quality to it. Well yeah that’s probably it. All I know for sure is that it’s still something that has dominion over me, for better or worse. And now I find myself winding my way through another romance.
The stage is set. We have been seeing each other for a few weeks and while it’s new, there is a deep spot of involuntary that got touched in us both.
So there’s me: unconventional relationship practices for the last decade, anything close to monogamous not among them. And there’s him: if you love someone and they love you, and you have sex, you are now monogamous. And if that changes or goes off-course it equates total psychic devastation.
Some might see this as an impasse, but my mind is in heavy play-mode these days, so… I came up with a game. Thirty days of research – I am monogomish (I still practice Orgasmic Meditationwith others) and he has to sleep with other people.
This is a huge edge for both of us on each side. For him, having me and having other women totally cracks open his concepts of conventional relating. What woman would afford her man these luxuries? Does it mean I don’t want him enough? Does it mean he might become some kind of “lesser” man who just likes to fuck loads of women?
And for me, well… I’ve prided myself in being a free woman for a number of years now. Free in her thinking and in her sex, a rare breed we call “turned-on women” who won’t allow themselves to lock down into too much conventionality lest they lose their ability to move freely in the world and liberate others. This looks different for all of us but for me a huge component of it was non-monogomy.
My sex is my furnace, my generator, my power; to hand the satisfaction of it all over to one person feels terrifying. Does it mean I’m not free anymore? Does it mean I’m going to sleep inside of my addiction to romance? Does it mean I won’t be able to produce enough fuel for my fire and my power will dwindle?
It’s day three. All I know so far is that there is a vigilant hunter that usually sweeps through the area as I walk through London, as I chat with people in a room, as I surf the internet. And this hunter is suddenly quieting in the arena of searching for prey.
Some part of me is softening into allowing myself to be pet and taken care of. This was so not the stroke for me in the past but now here I am and it is.
I can feel my insides relax into it unexpectedly and sink into a deeper sense of femininity and reception.
ORIGINAL POSTING @ Orgasm Daily
Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your married life a lot easier and a lot happier. We hold on to so many things that cause a great deal of stress and frustration in our relationships – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing our relationships to flourish and blossom – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today you will give up on all those things that no longer serve you, and you will embrace change. Starting today you will make your marriage work. Ready? Here we go:
1. Give up your unrealistic expectations
Give up all your unrealistic expectation about marriage being this beautiful box full of all the things you have always longed for and see marriage for what it truly is – an empty box where you and your partner MUST put all the things you want to take out. Accept that if you want to have love in your marriage, you have to put it there. If you want to have happiness, passion, intimacy, companionship, trust in your marriage, you have to put it there. Relationships take work, a lot of work and if you want to live a happy, beautiful and loving life next to your partner, you will both commit to making your marriage work. Always remember, relationships don’t work unless you do.
2. Give up control
People are made to be loved, not controlled. The more you try to control your partner, the more you will push him or her away from you and the less love there will be left between you two. Give up control and allow the ONE you love to just be. Allow the person you love to be who they are and not who you want them to be.
3. Give up possessiveness
No matter how long you two have been together and no matter if you are married and have 10 children together or not, you do not posses your partner. He/her is not your propriety. You both are two separate entities and just as you are separate from him, so is she separate from you. Give up possessiveness and allow your partner to breathe. Give him/ her the space and freedom they truly deserve and watch how much more beautiful your relationship becomes.
4. Give up criticism
Give up the need to criticize every little thing your partner does or doesn’t do and instead start appreciating those many things that made you fall in love with this person in the first place. Seek to praise not to criticize. Keep in mind that you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.
“Compliments and criticism are all ultimately based on some form of projection.” ~ Billy Corgan
5. Give up the need to fix your partner
Relationships aren’t about fixing one another, relationships are about loving, caring and supporting one another. You might think it’s your responsibility to “save” and “fix” your partner but trust me, that’s not really the case. Give up the need to fix your partner and work on growing, improving and evolving together instead.
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” ~ Albert Einstein
6. Give up your jealous behavior
”A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein
The root cause of jealousy is insecurity. Work on letting go of your insecurities and you will immediately understand the futility of a jealous behavior. You will immediately give jealousy up.
7. Give up on your fears
Give up the fear of cheating on one another, the fear of falling out of love, the fear of having your present relationship become as toxic as the previous ones and so on. Get out of your fearful head and into your loving heart. Give up on all your fears and love with all your heart.
“Perfect love casts out fear. If fear exists, then there is not perfect love.” ~ A Course In Miracles
8. Give up the chase for perfection
What screws us up the most is this idea we have in our heads about how relationships should be like and how our partners should behave. Instead of savoring, loving and praising one another, nurturing the relationships we have, we waste our precious time and energy seeking perfection, in ourselves, in our partner There’s no such thing as perfect relationships simply because there’s no such thing as perfect people. Your marriage is and always will be a reflection of who and your partner are – two perfectly imperfect people.
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ~ Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
9. Give up on blame
Believe it or not, it’s not the other person’s job to make you feel all the things that you yourself can’t feel on your own. It’s not the other person’s job to make you feel loved, happy and whole when you yourself feel unworthy, unhappy and incomplete. That’s not their job, that’s your job. Give up the need to blame your partner for everything that goes wrong in your world, for why you aren’t feeling as loved and as happy as you would like to feel and start taking ownership for your own thoughts and feelings.
“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.” ~ Esther Hicks
10. Give up the need to always be right
Remember when you and your partner first started dating? Remember how beautiful and how lovingly you spoke to one another? Back then you didn’t care whether you were right all the time or not. All that you cared about was to make the other person feel loved, appreciated and happy. So why change now? Give up the need to always be right and choose to be kind, loving and supportive instead.
“Common courtesy plays a big role in happy marriages. People who are permanently married are polite to one another. They don’t want to hurt one another’s feelings, and they don’t try to make the other one feel humiliated. People who are married for life are extremely kind to one another.” ~ Frank Pittman
11. Give up living your life according to the other person’s expectations
It’s true that relationships require compromise but when you compromise too often, living your life according to the other person’s expectations, you risk losing yourself and that’s how you start feeling bitter, depleted, frustrated and very unhappy. Don’t lose the “I” in playing the “We” game. Compromise when needed but not so much that you lose your sense of self. Balance is key.
“The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind.” ~ Mignon McLauglin
12. Give up your clingy behavior
There’s nothing less attractive than a person who clings onto his/her partner expecting the other person to provide all their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Take the “pressure” off of your partner’s shoulders and put it on your shoulders instead. Seek to become the provider of your own their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Be the source of your own happiness.
“You have so little faith in yourself because you are unwilling to accept the fact that perfect love is in you, and so you seek without for what you cannot find within.” ~ A Course In Miracles
13. Give up asking for more than you give
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” ~ Anthony Robbins
If you enter a relationship expecting to get a lot more than you give, chances are that you will have many marriage regrets. The only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Give more, ask less.
14. Give up your emotional baggage
Make peace with your past. Make peace with your “stuff”. Don’t carry the heavy weights of your past with you into the present. If you want to build a happy, loving and healthy relationship, you have to start fresh, you have to leave your emotional baggage behind.
“The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. What is grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion.” ~ Lao Tzu
15. Give up attachment
There is a huge difference between love and attachment and what most people call “love” is nothing more than attachment. Attachment comes from a place of fear, while love is pure, kind, and selfless. Love is ready to detach and let go if the relationship between two people becomes toxic and detrimental to the healthy growth and evolution of both parties. Attachment on the other hand loves to hold onto toxicity, feeding itself with the pain and suffering of people.
Deepak Chopra says it best with these words: “Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you. Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires. Love imposes no demands. Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand – “Make me feel whole.” Love expands beyond the limits of two people. Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.”
And these are the 15 things you should give up to make not only marriage work but also any romantic relationship.
P.S. It’s very important to understand that some people, no matter how much they love one another and no matter how much they want to make their marriage work, might not be able to do so simply because they both learned the lessons they had to learn and now life calls them in different directions. To paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert, soul mates, they might come into your life to reveal another layer of yourself to you, to help you see a part of you that you did not know was there, but when the work is done, they will leave, making room for something new, for something better to come your way.
This is why it’s so important to listen to your heart and intuition and make sure that you don’t stay in a relationship that makes you feel dead on the inside simply because that’s what society and everyone around you expects you to do. Your peace of mind, health, happiness and wellbeing are more important than anything else. So stay happy!
“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.” ~ Barbara De Angelis
If it’s true that marriages are meant to last for life, why is it that so many people divorce? What do you think is the key ingredient to make a marriage work? I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below
With all my love,
ORIGINAL POSTING at Purpose Fairy
” It’s not about the love, it’s about the expectation of sex.”
Today is the day of love. Today men across the world are standing in obnoxious lines with bundles of over prices roses and chocolates in their arms. They are feeling the pressure of society as well as the hope and expectation to “show” their love from the woman of their obsession. Today, woman across the world are doing their daily shopping and adding in a small box of condoms, as women know that with the gifts of love that has cost their gents possibly a whole pay check or more they will be expected to return the favor of love and show their love and gratitude through the affection of sex.
So here is the issue with how we perceive love and relationship.
Yes I know right about now many who read this musing are wondering how can someone such as myself who preaches and teaches about love, romance, courting and sex be so damn anti-Valentine’s Day.
There are simple issues with this Hallmark day of Love.
The first but not the least is that it is an abusive day for those who are single. Every where you go from late January to mid February you are bombarded with the constant reminder that if you do not have a valentine then there is most likely something wrong with you. We are told from a young age that this day is about showing love and more importantly about showing off that we are loved or that we have someone “special.” When in all reality the majority of people who are out there buying up flowers, wine, chocolate and dinner reservations as well as jewelry are ONLY doing so because of the pressure they feel NOT because of the love that they share.Which leads me to the second BIG time issue I have with Valentines. It is a day where those who are in a relationship are held to expectations that are frequently over the top for many. Valentines is a day of keeping up with the Jones in our private lives. It effects us all and most of the time not in the positive way we hope for. Both sides in the relationship feel an un-needed stress to make something extravagant occur on this day. After all it needs to top last year, or make our lover really know that we cherish and love them. All the better if we can make it a big time event where our friends or family will be amazed. We have to make sure that it is facebook or instagram worthy after all. Which brings us to the third issue with this day of love. All I can say is thank heavens that Valentines day happens in mid February as that does help off set some peoples purchases, because after making it through Christmas and News Years those who get a tax refund need to get it cranked out ASAP so that they can afford the Valentine experience. So often people over spend and business knows that the stress of making a loved one feel your love is something that almost everyone is craving and will certainly pay for, so as the heart balloons raise in the air and the roses adorn the walkways of all our local shopping areas, we can also watch the price tags for these items increase and see the signs of extra marketing happening. After all “every kiss begin’s with …. yep a diamond.” These big purchases funnel us right into the next issue of valentines day, that being that with the pressure to purchase items we also feel the pressure to push our relationships prematurely. We may want to really make our love known and what better day to propose then on the day of love itself. These premature advances in relationship can lead to more trouble and heart ache then we could ever realize. Do to these premature advances we may also deal with premature break ups and the onset of massive depression over taking us at this time of the year. The once ” In a Relationship” status can quickly go to the hope of ” Engaged” and the destitution of “Single.”
The focus of Valentines Day is not on love. It is on gift giving and receiving. It is about expectation and the belief that we can “make” someone love us or feel loved by us. It is in all actuality a very sad day for many who walk this earth and have to bare the media and marketing for many of the reasons I list above and for those who have been “blessed” with a Valentine who makes their love known through extravagant purchases and heart felt promises and courting gestures, it is often a day where they find themselves living out of integrity and feeling the pressure to act and do things that they are not in alignment with for that moment. Some may wonder what I mean by this statement, simply that love is not always shown through gift giving. We all have our primary love styles or languages that help us feel loved. Gifts are always wonderful, but often come with an attachment to the givers needs. Weather the giver is aware of their agenda or not, the receiver is most likely going to feel the pressure and guilt if they are not feeling like doing what they “think” the expectation is that comes with the gift. But, after all it is Valentines Day and he did go through all of this trouble to say, “I love you.” So what the heck grab a box of condoms at the store and make some yummie moans and grunts, get down and dirty and know that more then likely it will all be over in less then 10 minutes. As cruel as this may seem, the facts are there. Love cannot be forced to be felt, and it sure the heck cannot be forced through gift giving. Love is not need based and does not come with attachments and anyone who is truly in love will know that their partner(s) are not expecting any sort of crazy gift on a media induced holiday.
Show your love not through societal norms but through the true longing for deeper intimacy and sacred loving. Show your love through the giving of real love, love that knows that it is to be shared and released every day of a relationship not just on a few occasions in the year. Give your love unconditionally and without any agenda. A man or woman who can open to the power of this sort of love that is NOT need based will reap far more then the pressured few moments of sexual release or blinged out presents.
Love that is open and flowing, unconditional and fully expressed in each moment is love that can endure and expand. Through this sacred loving one can experience deep intimacy that carries with it vibrant life and yes life changing orgasm.
“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” – Robert A. Heinlein
One of the most feared emotions in relations and yet it seems to run rabid in society and many actually have grown into the belief that this monster is a deeper sign of love for someone when in fact it is an ego statement saying,” I am insecure in myself and untrusting of love in general.” This monster is often the awakener of its side-kick that can not only harm emotionally but also physically. When a person is under the possession of these two, they may feel trapped, chained into an internal world where they are no more than a witness in a prison cell to chaos and torture being inflicted upon their lives and loved ones.
What am I speaking of?
Jealousy & Rage!
According to the dictionary jealousy is:
1. Jealousresentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
2.Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.Vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.A jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.
For the sake of today’s musing I am going to focus on the second definition of this emotion. Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc. When we look at this definition we see that jealousy is mainly caused out of a lack of being present in the moment or within our relationship. Anytime mental uneasiness comes forth and you find yourself buying into the game of fear you know that you are not dealing with love or spirit. What you have here is nothing more than ego tapping at your mental window and pulling at your past traumas and insecurities to make your heart pound stronger and your gut tighten. If you allow ego to play this movie for you then you will certainly be handing over the reins of your life to a nasty monster that can and most often does destroy relationships.
Jealousy that leads to rage is not always brought on by the threat of a physical rival in a relationship such as another lover or mate. Often jealousy raises its head over other events such as a spouse who wants more attention from their partner and is jealous over what seems like excess time being spent with the children or a project. It can rise up big time when one partner decides that they want transformation and healing in their life and start to take the steps toward achieving this. In this action the partner who is seeking growth will be changing their personal vibration to life and if their mate does not decide to keep up there will be a pulling apart of energies and the mate that is not growing or is growing at a slower pace will feel a tremendous pull in the energy between them and their partner. This energy will start to act like an ever growing canyon separating the two. When this happens fear strikes and jealousy sets in shortly followed by anger and rage. This is why we see and hear so many tales of horrible relationship break-ups and even physical, emotional and mental abuse happening. These tactics are ego’s attempt to pull the growing partner back into the same vibration as the one who is not wanting to advance in that same direction.
I can share personally a time of my life that this very act of ego happened. Years ago I was introduced to the spiritual technology of Kabbalah, I fell in love with the teachings and quickly found myself at home within the community. Excited each week to attend my study group, get tutoring from my teacher and connection with my study buddy and mentors I would eagerly get everything on the home front ready and settled, kids school stuff taken care of, dinner, etc. before I would make the mad dash off to my meeting. Under the belief that my partner supported my growth because after many years of being together we had both been big crusaders of personal growth and advancement. Sadly in this particular case my growth was causing a vibrational upheaval and calling forth the darkness that had grown in our relationship and in each of us. My partner was now being faced with insecurities, jealousy and mental uneasiness. Fear had set in and ego was now his master many a night at my return from class. It became so that I would find myself hating the drive home, I did not even want to face the music of his wrath, I dreaded walking through the doors of our home to find him drinking and sulking, giving me the third degree on things and treating me as though we were in a court of law and I was on trial. At this time of my life I could not understand what was happening. I did not know why he was always so upset about my practice, what I was learning and what I was bringing back to share. As my advancement in my studies grew I came slowly to the awareness that our relationship was on VERY rocky ground and I found myself being posed with some hard choices.
Do I keep growing on this spiritual path and pushing forward regardless of anyone’s acceptance or resistance to it? Or, do I succum to his wants and walk away from the Light that I was experiencing from this path and growth?
Looking back on our past, on my path and on what I wanted to manifest in this life I knew that I could not step away from my core desires for growth again like I had done repeatedly in the past. I knew that if I chose to turn my back on my soul that I would most likely throw myself into another dark night of the soul and who knows what might happen, so I pushed forward in hopes that his perspective and feelings would change and even in hope that he might open to this path as well and we could be a team.
Alas, this was not in our cards.
Jealousy ate away at him. Fear kept hold tight and the fires of rage slowly were fed until they one night found the fuel that they had been hoping for and we both found ourselves faced with the dark possession of the soul in physical form.
“It was late and we had been fighting all night until these wee hours of the morning. The focus was on my commitment to my classes and my lack of time and attentiveness to him. The fear was based on me possibly flirting with other men after my meetings while enjoying a glass of wine with my female study buddy at the hotel bar where (the study class at this time was being held at a local hotel chain in the city). No matter how I tried to assure that there was nothing more going on the fear would not let hold and he by this time had drank enough alcohol that any rational was gone and the soul had officially been suppressed. The final moments of this night of rage ended with me lying down in bed, crying and breathing. In my head I worked through my tools that I had been taught so that ego would not completely destroy my internal world. He paced back and forth as he always did after drinking and getting caught in ego. Bathroom to bedroom. Bedroom to bathroom and back. All the while yelling and dancing in a pity party. His pain body was on fire and I was in his eye responsible for this. I recall begging him to calm down and lower his voice as to not wake our sleeping children. This only caused more outrage. Now he was feeling as though I was controlling him and after screaming that he would speak as loud as he wanted he slammed his fists down on the end of our bed. Pounded his rage into the mattress and then without a moment’s notice the man I had known for many years disappeared into some dark dungeon and this tormented devil flung from the shadows of our bedroom wanting me to feel his pain, his fear, his rage, his loss of control of life and all the insecurities and judgments, lack of love that had been bottled up for perhaps a life time or more. In this moment as I lay there I was no longer another human being, I was not the woman he loved, I was not his friend, I was not the mother of his children, I was nothing but the reason for his pain and fear, something that was controlling him and he HAD to regain control of. Without time for a breath my heart skipped and my body tensed. I could not stop my own fear. My own internal terror. The covers were tossed off of me and he grabbed me harshly. At first I thought that he might just slap me and yell some more. But no, his ego had bigger ideas. My night gown was forced upward, his shorts were dropped and without anything more he forced my legs apart, ignored my begging and pleading he penetrated my body. As he did this I could feel my vulva lips tear from the lack of lubrication, I could feel my heart shut down as my tears cascaded down my cheeks onto the mattress. His hands pressing me down, his breath on my shoulder and cheek. Each thrust of his cock was like a dagger into my heart and soul.
Jealousy may have started this war but, rage finished it.
After the physical event was over, he rolled over and passed out without a word. I lay there crying. Now angry, full of distrust, fear and not understanding how my longing for personal growth and attending a class could cause this sort of reaction. The next morning I wondered what would happen. To my surprise he acted as though nothing happened other then he had drank too much. Time passed, I continued to close myself of intimately and emotionally to him. Months went by and I found myself trapped in a dungeon of my own with my own tormented devil. Should I have fought more? Should I have called the cops on him? Should I bring it up and ask what the hell happened and why, WHY in god’s name would he hurt me like that on so many levels? All I knew was that this action was out of place and that it was slowly tearing me apart. Tearing us apart. The trust I had in him was after this event completely gone. The violation of my being on ALL levels was now the catalyst for me to escape and move forward in whatever fashion I must in order to not feel like this anymore.
The rage he felt in that heated moment that one night that forced him into black out and possession of something evil now filled me. The seed of rage had been planted within my womb and its embers lingered in my thoughts. The path of healing personally and for us together had taken a turn for what seemed to be the worse.”
“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they’re almost almost incompatible: one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil…” – – Robert A. Heinlein
Sadly to say events of this nature happen in over 70% of relationships according to studies done. And even more sadly the “victims” often feel as though it is okay that this sort of violation happened because they blame themselves for perhaps not fulfilling their side of the marital contract, or that they should not be doing what their heart desires and instead focus more on self-sacrifice and doing what their partner wishes. The victims fall into the belief that their partners rage and jealousy is a sign of how much they are loved and that if they themselves would just do and be everything for their partner then theses acts of violence would halt.
To think that we can be everything to our lover or any other person is expecting too much. If we ever look for another to be everything we need and want in a relationship then we are putting unrealistic expectations on those we love and we are increasing our chances of disappointment. In these sorts of expectations we pull ourselves out of the NOW and we lose our ability to appreciate what we have and cherish the love that resides in our life. Each time we look to another for our happiness we are but only closing ourselves off from the reality that the ONLY person able to make us happy or responsible for our happiness is OURSELVES. As long as we put blame on another for how we are feeling and for our actions we will continue to allow ego to hold the ownership papers on our life.
Make a commitment today to yourself, to your love and your happiness that you will release yourself from the chains of this tormented devil and enjoy a life of freedom. This can only manifest if you learn to remain present in the moment and know that the emotions that you are feeling are coming from within yourself. There is no one responsible for your actions, your feelings, your thoughts other then YOU. And it is up to you to make the decision to act in unconditional love and not let the monstrous face of ego distort your image of reality.
It is up to you to release the chains of this demon that wants to posses your heart and soul!
“Sex is a risky game, because if you’re not careful, it will cut you wide open.” – from the film Kinsey
This quote is perfect. It is exactly what sex is supposed to do! However in today’s society we have crushed and termed sexual acts taboo. Somewhere along the line we made sex demonic, something that we should only do to conceive a child and should only be done in the missionary position. If we are not married then god forbids we ever explore such an act as sex. We tell our children, “Sex is for a mommy and a daddy to do to show their love for each other. “ “Wait till you are married and only give yourself to your husband or your wife.” Oh and one of my favorite statements. “Wait till your 30.” Good girls and boys don’t have sex in their teens, they don’t fantasize about the hot boy or girl or even their teacher and they certainly DO NOT masturbate. Girls are taught from early on to be “lady like” and to shun their sexuality, their inner erotic creature. Girls are told that they should cover up and not show their breasts at all, be careful of how much booty they show, how tight their clothes are and what their body language is saying. They are taught that it is not ok to be a sensual woman. Boys are taught that girls are property and that the female in society for the most part is of a lower ranking then the male. Boys can go without a shirt in public; it’s even okay for boys to make comments about girls that may not be as tasteful as they could be, after all boys will be boys. And yet it is still taught that sex is not something to empower us but something that is to remain hidden. With all this sort of societal training it is no wonder that our youth for many decades has grown into a sexually dysfunctional culture and our relationships suffer from such issues as jealousy, rage, betrayal, duty sex as well as lack of intimacy. Let alone simple stupidity when it comes to the actual power or act of sex. Our sex education in school is not one that teaches about reality, it only is in place to make sex a scientific study, one that is not of emotional or spiritual connection. High School Sex Ed teaches about sexual diseases and gives plenty of scare but does not teach about integrity, honor, respect or empowerment.
Sex is a risky game. If one opens up to healing their sexuality they discover a deep liberation from the societal bullshit that is accepted across the board. They discover that they are a powerhouse of unconditional love and creative energy. They awaken to empowerment through their sexuality that changes the face of every aspect of their lives where they learn how to develop and maintain healthy relationships with not only their lovers but all people. Sexual liberation is the one thing that can change the face of this world quicker than any other form of healing in my opinion. Until we embrace our sexual power we are sheep being controlled by the rule of men and women who will further take away our rights and freedoms to the point of slavery. Only in our willingness to heal our sexuality and allow our sexing to ‘cut us wide open’ will we be able to embrace our divine aspects and find unconditional love and acceptance for our fellow humans. Being ‘cut wide open’ is stating a deep vulnerability, it is living in this vulnerability to life and accepting that just as when we were in the womb of our mother and everything we ever needed was made available and taken care of this is still so in our adult lives. Our need to control life is only a statement of ego; all our needs are provided for us if we can open ourselves in this beautiful state of orgasmic life flow.
We live in a world where prostitution is for the most part illegal. Sex workers across the world have limited rights and if one is “raped” well then she asked for it, after all she is a sex worker, a woman with little to no morals, yet porn runs ramped in our society and both men and women are learning wrong forms of intimacy and sex without honor. Our expectations of our lover are forever changed as we view these ‘performances’ and then turn to our relationship and find ourselves unsatisfied. Divorce rates are ever increasing as are extramarital affairs.
In a recent study:
- Of young college men over 35% of them said that they would rape a woman if they could get away with it.
- 87% of guys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married.
- 65% of the boys and 47% of the girls said it was acceptable for a boy to rape a girl if they had been dating for more than six months
- 43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman’s protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse.
This societal attitude is accepted, yet prostitution is not. Prostitution is immoral, I forgot, and rape is not? Oh wait only some forms of rape are, the above forms are the exceptions to the rule…Mmmmmhhhmmm. And if a man ventures out and seeks sexual connection from another woman whom he pays for her time and energy then sex is NEVER possibly rape. This immoral woman has no boundaries or say in what happens to her body, after all she is opening herself up to sex and as we already stated “sex is a risky game.” Folks these beliefs and attitude take us only backward in the evolution process. They do nothing for humanity, peace, education or respect. They certainly don’t teach how to love or how to open to the great positive powers of such a divine act as sex.
Our closed minded religious view points of sexuality have only created a society of sick bastards: men and women alike who repress their desires until they act them out unhealthily or shut themselves off to themselves and their loved ones so that sex is no longer an act of love, intimacy, passion, bliss and creation but one of duty and guilt, or even disgust.
For anyone who wants to know just how contaminated our culture has become I encourage them to take a quick tour on Craigslist.
- Married, curious male looking to suck my first cock. I imagine you will be discreet, older, clean, not very hairy and patient. I am clean cut, professional, very discreet, DDF, 6′, 220#, could stand to lose a few pounds but not too big. You can reciprocate if you want, but this is about me sucking. I’ve fantasized for a long time. You must host or we meet somewhere soon
- Married? Wife refuses to suck cock? Let’s get together for some guy time. Football, beer, and we can suck each other off. Casual relationship. Great if wives can become friends. Must be discreet.
- I love fucking your wife! Want to surprise the sweetie with your fantasy? I am a MWM, 6′, 210#, 9″ uncut, clean, fit, will do ANY fantasy you want.
- Looking for a male interested in spending their day or night Fucking.
I am a giver who will do ANYTHING to make her man have the biggest explosion of his life.
I will do things your wife doesn’t let you, I will let you take any of my holes and let you blow your load wherever you want.
- Are you a Hot, Sexy & Gorgeous Mother that would be considered a MILF or a Cougar & do you have a Daughter or Daughter’s Living with you that are just as gorgeous as you are?
Are you both submissive & do you Need & Want an Older Dominant White Man to come into your lives?
Are you both submissive Little Whorish Sluts who are sexually out of Control & Do you need to be taken in Hand & Disciplined?
Do you wish to Meet Someone immediately & have your Lives Brought Back to Order?
If you find that any of what has been said in this ad interests you, then TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT EACH OF YOU (Including Your Names & Ages) & SHOW ME JUST ONE GOOD PICTURE OF YOUR FACES.
After I have received your Response with the Required Pictures & Information about yourselves, I will show you My Picture in Return & We Can Move forward from there.
Make sure you read the title of this picture!
“Mother and daughter together serving their purpose in life, submitting to black cock.”
Serving their purpose in life?
If we only really understood the darkness of what is happening behind closed doors. America has more underground sex slavery then most free sex countries do. Why is this? Why does our society support these acts against human sexuality in their hushing and joining in when no one is looking? Yet when sexuality is discussed in open and healthy sexing is taught by educators these same contributors are neigh sayers to sexual freedom and say that sexual liberation is immoral and against the Bible.
The ego at play yet again. It is up to us though, you and I alike to change this. To take back our sexuality rights and to harness our sexual power in a healthy fashion. It is our right to enjoy our sexing and to heal our physical, emotional, spiritual and mental bodies through sexual empowerment practices.
Your fantasies are natural and even healthy. Your sexual hunger is normal. Your longing to connect in a intimate fashion with another human being weather that is someone of the same sex or not, may it be your wife or husband, boyfriend or a stranger or even in a Ménage à trios or at an orgy is all perfectly right and part of our human experience of sexuality. What is wrong and unhealthy is when these acts of intimate play happen out of expectation, rage and our misunderstanding of intimacy and respect of our fellow human beings. When we start to view another human as an inanimate object there for our pleasuring needs then we fall into the dark shadows where we lose ourselves and with us society as well.
Make a resolution for 2013 to educate yourself on true integrity, unconditional love and the empowerment of sex as well as how sex can liberate and heal our world instead of causing pain and separation in it.
Time to FACE the Holidays!
By Michelle Butt
The holidays are coming. Have you ever noticed how some people are so excited and happy as Christmas approaches, anticipating all of the family get-togethers and socializing? And then there are those who complain about the holidays, dreading all the family get-togethers and socializing.
Well, this year, take a look at the faces of these people and I can almost guarantee you’ll see a pattern. The hostess of the big Christmas dinner will most likely have a round face with full cheeks and perhaps a mouth with full lips. This face shape tells us about someone who loves to be around family and friends. She is the nurturer of the family. She is generous and giving and makes sure that everyone is always well fed, both in goodies and in spirit. Going to her house always feels like going home to a warm, inviting environment.
Think about the face of Santa. Isn’t he the ultimate example of the spirit of Christmas, the most generous man of the holidays? Santa just oozes warmth and generosity with his round, full cheeks and rosy red lips.
Then there is the person who hangs back from the rest at the holiday gatherings; the one who keeps to herself and wants to leave early; who often seems just overwhelmed by all the fuss. If you look at her face, I bet you’ll see fine bone structure, a striking nose and perhaps high arched eyebrow, strong cheekbones with concave lower cheeks. This person doesn’t hate other people per se; she is just very sensitive to the energy around her. All of the emotion and excitement hit her like a wave of energy and it can be very hard for her to adjust. She can literally feel the buzz in the air in her skin and it can be very uncomfortable. So she will hang back until she can acclimatize and unconsciously put up her energetic wall. Then she can enjoy the festivities along with everyone else.
Think about the face of Scrooge. Scrooge was depicted as thin with a fine, bony nose, and sunken cheeks, isolating himself from the world. Yet, once he acclimatized to the energy of those around him (with the help of some celestial spirits), he loved Christmas and enjoyed himself at Christmas dinner!
Then there is the face of the man whose birth we celebrate at Christmas. Have you ever thought about what Jesus’ face says? Well, the face of Jesus that is depicted in all of the churches and artwork around the world, however subtly different has one main theme that is undeniable. Jesus has the face of a Leader. His beard and strong jaw show someone whose mission in life is to be an agent of change and growth. He is the gentle guide who leads with compassion, and strength. The prominence of his chin in most depictions show a man who has the tenacity of will to stand and face fearlessly what others would have run from.
Enjoy all the faces in your holiday experiences this year. I wish you joy and happiness, but most of all love during this magical time.
Original Post on Om Times
While there may not be a verifiable “epidemic” of performance anxiety, many people are unhappy in their sexual lives because they worry that they are not doing it right. They feel inadequate and unsure of themselves, and somehow sex isn’t so much fun anymore. (note: we’re speaking here primarily of heterosexual sexuality, though the basic approach also applies to same-sex lovemaking)
In fact, while worrying about whether your sexual performance is satisfactory, meeting up with your lover for sex can come to seem like just another household chore, or perhaps some kind of final exam, which you could flunk!
This pervasive sense of doubt about your sexual performance has a further insidious effect: it makes your performance worse. When you are worrying about how you are doing, you’re not in the moment. You’re not enjoying your partner’s touch or the pleasures of touching him or her. The thoughts are whirring around in your head: will I keep my erection? Can I get turned on enough for him? Am I moving OK? What is he thinking about my body (OMG I’m fat)? Can I make him (her) come?
These thoughts are highly distressing, and distract you from the pleasures of the moment. Just a reminder: sex is (supposed to be) fun and pleasurable. Making love should be much more like play than work.Being a great lover does not depend upon hitting some kind of performance targets.
Part of what makes this so difficult is our cultural myopia about sexuality and making love. We partake of these cultural notions through osmosis, from media depictions of sexuality, overheard conversations and adolescent fantasies. Unfortunately, much of it is not accurate!
These cultural assumptions are simplistic, condensing the rich tapestry of adult sexual possibility to a few bullet points:
- Sex equals penis-in-vagina intercourse;
- This necessarily requires an erection for the male, and automatic lubrication for the female; and
- It doesn’t really count unless both partners experience an orgasm.
Note that each of these steps indicates an expectation for the targeted behavior: this is where performance anxiety begins. What if I can’t have sex because of pain? What if I can’t keep an erection? What if I can’t make my partner have an orgasm? What if I don’t have an orgasm?
This is a tangled web. These expectations lead to worry about performance, which degrades performance and stifles enjoyment, resulting in unhappy lovers who don’t feel good about themselves.
There’s a better way to find satisfying, enjoyable and exciting sex with your Beloved. It begins with an honest acknowledgement that things aren’t going well, and a strong affirmation that you want to work together to create a more satisfying sexual relationship.
Since these cultural expectations about sex have contributed to the performance anxiety, you’re going to need a new framework so you can explore and express your sexual desires together without going to the anxious place.
Rather than stress about whether you are achieving the “milestones” of erection/lubrication, intercourse and orgasm it changes everything if you limit your focus to the giving and receiving of pleasure. Pleasure is a sensory experience, denoted by sensations of deliciousness in taste; good feelings in the nerve endings that sense pleasurable touch; the sweetness of special smells; the experience of harmony or melodiousness in sounds; the perception of visual beauty.
Pleasure is what making love is about.
You don’t have to think about whether a particular sensation is pleasurable or not – you know it, in the bodily experience of a favorite food, sensual touch, a beloved song, an encounter with beauty. So it’s simply a matter of trusting your perceptions. If it feels good, it’s pleasurable. Our bodies are set up to perceive pleasure, with millions of specialized nerve endings devoted to this mission.
Making love consists primarily of giving and receiving pleasure – through word and gesture, through sound and sight and taste and touch. When you let go of the performance hurdles and deadlines and relax into playing together with pleasure, it is easy to relax into the moments which blur into timelessness.
But wait! What about orgasm/intercourse/getting off! I don’t want to miss anything!
Arousal, desire and direct sexual stimulation which may lead to the explosive pleasure of orgasm – all can be yours easily and directly, through this relaxed approach. Rather than straining to try to achieve orgasm, holding your breath and tensing all your muscles to try to make it happen, why not relax and allow your body to experience the natural progression of pleasure?
It takes practice to let go of a habitual anxious approach to sex. The desire for a quick fix is just another expression of performance anxiety, just another deadline you’re not going to make.
Optimal sexual experience occurs when partners care for each other, communicate about what they are doing together, and when they are relaxed. Relaxation is the foundation of healthy sex. Give yourself and your partner the gift of relaxing as you make love. Allow yourself to simply pay attention to and luxuriate in the pleasurable sensations you are experiencing, without attempting to go anywhere. Let delight wash over you; play with your partner, gently pleasuring him or her. Be curious and playful as you explore the erotic playground of your loving connection.
READ MORE Articles from David Yarian at Joy of Making Love
I had chosen for 8+ years to be single. Shutting myself off from the external world as much as I could. The reasons for this are largely irrelevant at this point. Suffice it to say I was shut down, scared, and frankly withering away. Close friends were trying pull me out. Then I met Kendal, through her Ecstatic Life Coaching program.
From the very first time I spoke with her on the phone I was struck by her ability to listen calmly to what was being said and ask questions to get a deeper understanding of where I was coming from even though I wasn’t sure myself. That is a theme that has continued through every meeting/session I have had with Kendal. She expertly and delicately invites to look deeper into a thought or feeling. I have never felt pushed, pulled, or dragged as friends are sometimes want to do under the guise of “your best interest”. The most I’ve ever felt from Kendal is the gentle, loving touch of reassurance. If I choose not to accept the invitation that is honored and accepted, but not to be forgotten.
There are times that I remember not accepting an invitation during a meeting/session only to have that same invitation appear at some later time. When she re-invites me it is always done from a loving place. There have been times where I have accepted the re-invitation, and other times where I have not. Either way my decision is always respected without the slightest judgement.
After several coaching sessions Kendal extended an invitation to experience a QCE session. With some level of nervousness and very little understanding of what I was really being offered, I accepted. During the first QCE session Kendal was very attentive to every shift that was happening. To the point where my energy levels were raised sufficiently to experience, for the first time in my life, a full body energetic release. To which my response was “what the f*** was that?” while laughing and settling into the feelings and sensations it evoked. Kendal laughed with me and quietly explained what I had just experienced. Just as she has at every step along the journey she has chosen to accompany me on.
Through both the coaching sessions and the QCE I have been able to push through some major blocks that have kept me from truly experiencing life and all it has to offer. The transformation I continue to see has amazed me. First and foremost the transformation in the relationship I have with myself, and also with the rest of my world. Since working with Kendal I have developed a relationship with an absolutely lovely woman and I know that would not have been possible where I was before I started working with Kendal. Kendal continues to guide and actively share in every session I have with her, as a coach, as a friend, and as a fellow traveller through this amazing world we share.
Kendal’s focus on healing both on a personal and energetic level has been exactly what I needed in my life. Everything has not been what I expected, however, even when my reactions have been centered in fear, not love, Kendal has been there without judgement to allow me to work through that fear and push through back to a space of love. I suggest Kendal’s coaching or QCE sessions, if like me, you are feeling cut off from the world, stuck in fear or stagnant. I would suggest that whichever you choose that it be from a place of open understanding not egoic expectation. The experience for both you and Kendal will be so much better for it.
Kendal, my deepest respect and thanks for choosing to guide me on this journey.
So many people that I’ve had conversations with have told me that they are seeking balance in their life. I decided to go look up the word balance on dictionary.com. It read a state of equilibrium. Searching further equilibrium means a state of rest due to the equal action of opposing forces. When you have two or more opposing forces that are exerting equal action you can develop balance. As we move through our daily lives we have more than 2 opposing forces at any one time. Rarely do these forces exert equal action or force. So if you can only have balance with opposing forces exerting equal force then the realization of balance never develops.
How many times have we been faced with opposing thoughts(forces)? Here’s an example that we’ve all faced. I have to go to work, however, I’d much rather stay home and spend time with a loved one. These are not applying equal action on us. If the need for money is greater it will exert greater force. If the need for connection with the loved one is greater than the need of money then taking the day off would be exerting greater force. Balance or equilibrium needs opposing forces to be created. Opposing forces create a duality within us. That duality rarely ever has equal action on both sides, there for balance is missed and our lives are lopsided. Like that shopping cart with the one flat spot on the wheel that goes clunk clunk clunk as we walk through the grocery store.
Whats the alternative then? Harmony.
Again going back to dictionary.com harmony means a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arragment of parts. When we move away from trying to get opposing forces to exert equal action at the same time, we can start to build harmony in our lives. Instead of dealing with the duality of opposing forces, build your life so there is agreement with all the different forces in your life. I will go to work today and then take my loved one out for a nice dinner, or make a nice dinner. Even when something is out of balance it can still be in harmony. That shopping cart that I mentioned earlier. If you are out of balance and out of harmony with your life that constant clunk might push you to the point of madness.
However, if you are out of balance AND in harmony you might notice that that clunk is in perfect time with the music playing in the store and smile. Some that I have talked to want to find balance for every aspect of their life. This is mostly impossible. Just take gender as an example I hear people all the time state they want to balance their masculine and feminine energy. These are opposing forms of energy. Very complementary but opposite. Whether you are male or female you have both energies within you. However they are rarely ever to the point that they are applying or exerting equal action in your life so then how can you balance them. Working to get the masculine and feminine to be in harmony though, that’s beautiful. They no longer have to be exerting equal action. You could be 75% feminine and 25% masculine and still be in harmony. The energies working in harmony to create the consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts or energies in this case. You give up the battle of duality of trying to be 50% feminine and 50% masculine.
As you start to apply the harmony principle to your life you will start to find that things may come into balance naturally. Harmony allows us to take a step back from the constant battle of duality. It allows us to build ONE life that flows by taking these forces and into a simultaneous combination. Where each force becomes a note on the music of your life. A piece of music that you are the author of.
What do you want the music of your life to sound like?
Read more from this Daka/Soul Coach HERE
Learn more about Alexander Brighton and his unique approach to healing through the “I AM Experience”
There are many kinds of women. Each type- New Agers, Hippie chicks.. whatever category you connect to — has it own energetic vibration.
Goddess Wombmen, for example, are the most seductive and the most empowered wombmen in the world. They love their body. They live in their body. And they fully express their divinity through their sensuality. It is her nature to do so.
If you are a man interested in dating a goddess, be fair warned, she is Kali- Aphrodite. As Aphrodite the goddess of love she will envelope you with kisses and juicy sexual practices. She will glow and you will be in awe of her glow. But , because she is Aphrodite, her love will span beyond you. If she wants to be sexual with a man, this is her prerogative. She cannot be contained by any man– her “containment” is only found in her deep devotion to her guides’ voices and her connection to spirit.
Her Kali is cutting through your illusion of what a woman “should” be. A goddess is never “your” woman, but this goddess will bow down at your feet if you display to her you ARE the sacred masculine.
Kali takes you on a journey to discover your own sacred masculine potential. When goddess Kali shows you her dark moon, hold space for her. She will challenge you to become Jesus, Krishna, Buddha, Shiva…
She will cut away your beliefs that “This is how women are” in regards to the old paradigm.
All a goddess knows is love without abandon. She believes in living by emotional nurturance, support, ecstatic and sensual dance, and sacred love making.
To date a Goddess, you must be sensual, support her independence, allow her to love freely, and honor her sacred sexual dance.
The God/dess knows that Sacred Masculine men are equal, and the counterpart to Goddess Wombmen.
To be clear, if you’d like to be with a goddess, you must be GOD.