Often I am asked “What is Tantra?” my answer to this question is – “Tantra is everything!”
But that answer is often to simple yet complex for many people to truly grasp what I am saying. So I have decided to take a moment and share what I mean in this statement of “tantra is everything.”
Tantra is about weaving together all parts of our life. That is why when we teachers/practitioners speak about improving our sexuality and sex lives that we also say that this will affect all other areas of our lives such as our relationships with our parents, siblings, children, co-workers and anyone who walks into our lives. Yet Tantra is NOT about sex alone. Matter a fact if you truly studied tantra and the teachings of the Dali Lama on the matter you would discover that sex is only about 5% to 10% at best of Tantra.
Why does sex get focused on then when we speak about Tantra?
There are a few reasons for this.
1. Sex sells! – Now I know that many of my fellow teachers out there just cringed at me saying this, but I am a realist in many ways and the facts are the facts. Sex is sexy. Sex is captivating and interesting. Sex is something we all desire more of and we are all under educated in. Sex is something that we know at our core is good for us for more reasons then procreation. Sex sells because it turns us on at our deepest levels. It always has and it always will.
2. Sex is normally the final frontier to tackle for even the most spiritual, self-growth focused, courageous, driven soul out there. And it is the one that is most interconnected to every aspect of our lives and to the world in general. Our sexing affects everything. That is why we focus on sexuality when we speak Tantra. Tantra in this area is about making our sex conscious.
Now this may seem different then what you were expecting. Hopefully it is comforting to know that Tantra and sex are NOT about prostitution (although those in this line of work who understand certain groundwork, certainly are sexual healers and not just working to make a quick buck so someone else can relieve some stress). Tantra does not make use of our sexuality so that one can experience a hot “body to body rub” either. Tantra makes use of our sexuality because through our sexing we create or lives. We create the structures of our futures. We manifest our desires, dreams and goals. We learn to face our shadows as well as our light and we learn how to fully love, accept and live in gratitude. Through our sexing we learn the importance of Living Fully, and this is Tantra.
This is why you will hear me speak about Gourmet Sexing verses Fast Food Sexing.
Gourmet sexing is a spiritual practice of deep love and acceptance. Not only of our partner but of ourselves and of all of life.
Gourmet sexing is healing. It can help us to release past programs, trauma and suffering. It can be the creative spark that changes everything and helps us to transform our very existence. Through gourmet sexing we find peace and bliss. This is Conscious Sex!
Fast food sexing is all about using ourselves or another for stress release or power. It is about controlling another. It is about quick fixes, disconnectedness, limited to no intimacy and remaining unconscious to all our levels of being. Fast food sexing is a short circuit to living fully. It prevents us from ever achieving the beauty, connection and authentic loving that we so desire. It disenables us from our true power and thus from bliss.
Perhaps these terms will help you to understand a bit better the significant role that sex plays on our lives and that through the art of Tantra we can achieve what we all desire. A live lived well and full. A life of appreciation, love, acceptance, honor and conscious bliss.
So what is Tantra?
Tantra is the Art of Living Life Fully!
Now the only question is. “Will you accept the journey of conscious living?”
I sure hope so because you my friend ARE WORTH IT!!!!
“Everything you can imagine is real.”-Picasso
Yesterday I was once again blessed to work with my creative, beautiful daughter Rebekah who is following her passion and soul by developing her own brand in photography , Photography In Wonderland. In working with her yesterday for a spontaneous shoot I realized a few things about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. These things we value so dearly and all consistently strive for or find ourselves trapped in a morbid abyss of suffering, shame and hatred if we choose to hide from our souls desire, all come back to allowing the creative transformation of our inner realms to dance and merge with those of our outer worlds. We are the artists of our lives. Picasso, had it right when he said that everything you can imagine is real, because it is. The hidden world that lies within each of us longs to have the light of life, love and happiness shine upon it. Yet trapped in societal conditioning the majority of people have a tough time finding the courage and stamina it requires to open the door to this blossoming of self. The reason it is so scary to allow our authentic selves to be seen in the world is because over the course of time it has been expected and even demanded that we hide these very aspects of self. We have been sheltered in our thinking and told that a strong foundation for life was built on logic and normalcy, not on imagination and unique authenticity. Yet all people over the course of time that have made an impact on our world were far from logical or average in attitude, thinking or actions. Leaders, visionaries, and game changers all fall under a different label. These men and women , are average people with extraordinary courage and desire. Do they posses something unique? Do they have more skill set or knowledge then you or I? Are they a better person therefore deserving of more from life? The answer is no across the board. The only thing that they have that over 80% of the rest of society does not have is a desire to transform. They understand that they are the only ones who can change themselves and they know that life is about growth. These same 20% of “Special People” understand that in order for growth to happen and for them to succeed in fulfilling their inner calling that they MUST overcome the self imposed fears and muster up just a drop of courage to take that first step into greatness. They know that getting into the flow of creative transformation is the life blood of opening up to god, the universe or whatever other name you choose to call the creator of all and letting this source breathe love, life and happiness into their very existence.
A creative transformation is about just this, opening our rusty gates that we have on our hearts and souls and allowing for imagination to flow freely. When we embrace our imagination we lock arms with our true power. As Einstein stated, “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”
It is time to dig into our pockets and pull out the diamonds that are carried there. These treasures that we have been hiding from society, our friends, family and even ourselves. It is time for each of us to stop cheating ourselves and discover that life was not meant to be endured and suffered through. Life is meant to be embraced in love and passion. When we open ourselves to creative transformation and the journey it takes us on we say to life that we desire to be fucked wide open, we desire to dance with the angels and hear our hearts music. We say to the great creator of all that we know that life is a privilege and a mission. It is a mission of letting go of what we think we know and opening up to all that can be. We spread our legs to the universe and we allow it to penetrate our cores like a lover that we will never see again. We say to hell with fear, structure, bondage and rules and thus say YES to ourselves and the art of our lives.
One of the most imaginative teachers of time you could say was Jesus. He taught through stories, he taught through love and he taught through authentic uniqueness. He still remained part of the culture that he was born into, but he was not afraid to throw some tables and show that the universe will bend to your will when you have the desire, courage and faith. His message was one that we all too could do this and so much more (John 14:12) but it is a message of creative transformation that so many are still not ready to hear.
Easter weekend is upon us yet again and many will join in the process of what we call tradition. The painting of the Easter eggs, the hiding of these eggs so that a our young imaginative children can discover them along with trinkets and sweets. We will congregate in churches and holy sanctuaries around the world, celebrating the transformation process of Jesus. We will place this teacher on a pedestal and miss all the messages of the annual opportunity that has been passed down like a torch of great light and universal understanding. The traditions that we celebrate this coming Sunday are not primarily focused on Jesus even, but have been around for many years prior to his teaching. The traditions of Easter have roots in Pagan beliefs and even go back into world history to the ancient Egyptians, Persians, Phoenicians, and Hindus who all believed the world began with an enormous egg, thus the egg as a symbol of new life has been around for eons. Easter’s true meaning is about rebirth and fertility. Both are things that a creative transformation process blesses us with, but in order for us to experience this process one has to be like a small child where in the heart, mind and soul their is fertile ground for imagination to bloom and flourish thus bringing the ascension process of the life mission.
Part of my realization in working with Rebekah on photo-shoots was that life and creative energy are things that you must be ready to embrace when the muse of art is dancing with them. The best experiences are often not planned, expected or even considered. Sometimes we can find ourselves on one path and not even see the crossing path that will make all the difference to our journey. Looking back over the course of my own history and transformation I can see now the impact of imagination and how playing on this road that so many choose not to travel on as actually being the essential tool of a successful life. It is the pulse of life itself and with every beat we open our ears to love and happiness, purpose and flow, we open ourselves to being the Messiah of our own life path.
“Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant, there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is the important thing.”
“When the library of yourselves was torn from the shelves and scattered, and the DNA was split so that there were only two strands left with very little data and very little memory, sexuality was left intact in the physical body. It was left as a form of reproduction, of course—as a form for the species to stay in touch with its own essence and bring itself into life. Very deep inside the mechanism of sexuality is a frequency that can be attained that has been sought after and misunderstood by many people. It is called orgasm. The orgasm has been distorted from its original purpose. Your body has forgotten the cosmic orgasm of which it is capable because society has taught you for thousands and thousands of years that sexuality is bad. You have been taught this in order for you to be controlled and to keep you from seeking the freedom available through sexuality. Sexuality connects you with a frequency of ecstasy, which connects you back to your divine source and to information. Sexuality has been given a bad name upon this planet, and that bad name is stored in your cellular memory. This is not just from this lifetime; it is from thousands of years of misappropriation and misuse. It is necessary for you to clear the negativity surrounding sexuality from this lifetime, as well as to experience and examine how you utilize sexual energy and sexual expression in your multidimensional selves. The sexual parts of the body are avenues to pleasure that create frequencies that heal and stimulate the body and potentially lead it to its higher spiritual self. Sexuality is so misunderstood on this planet that, when it is exchanged between two persons, very seldom is there an intent to connect spirituality with it. Sexuality invokes a spirituality that is free and that looks at itself as a creator. However, very seldom is sexuality used as a bridge to take you to higher levels of consciousness.
We have spoken with a number of individuals who have been utilizing light. Since finding the proper partner in a monogamous situation, they have been able to achieve very high states of being. Monogamy tends to work for most of you very well because of where you are vibrationally. When you have many partners, you tend to be less than honest and to hide who you are: you share a little here, there, and everywhere in scattering your seed. It is best to be with one person, but this does not mean the same person forever. Be loyal, be open, and be sharing with the person you are working with, and go as far as you can with them. If it happens to be your whole life, wonderful. If it doesn’t, then when you come to a place where you are no longer communicating and serving one another, and you feel the relationship is not going to be able to make a leap, terminate the relationship and find another person who works with your vibration.
When you work one-on-one intimately, you develop trust. Most of you have difficulty trusting yourselves because you don’t have a role model for trust. You can learn about trust in a relationship because a relationship acts as a mirror for you, showing you what you cannot see from your own viewpoint. It shows you yourself outside of yourself when you have open communication within sexuality and deep intimacy, and when you are not using sexuality as a distraction for getting close. Many of you have used sexuality as a distraction and a way to avoid intimacy rather than to develop it. You begin to get energetic and to look into one another’s eyes and to feel all hot and excited. Then, instead of exploring each other intimately and spiritually, you shut down your feeling centers, put on your armor, and have shallow, genital sex because it is too frightening and too intense to go the deeper route of full body and full spiritual connection. Sometimes hot sex feels great and is wonderful. We are simply saying that there is more. There is much more, and no one is keeping it from you except yourselves and the beliefs and fear you have of letting down your boundaries and walls. Many of the fears you have are based on what you have created for yourselves and what you have done to others in your sexual life. Your sexual history affects every other portion of your soul, so all of your soul’s issues are broadcast loud and clear throughout your body. You don’t want to look at this sometimes because it is too painful, and you judge it because you think it is bad. Stop judging, and get neutral about what you have done—no matter what you discover, no matter how heinous it seems, no matter how difficult it seems, and no matter how much violation it involves. Understand that your purpose has been to gather data and to understand your selves. Sexuality is a frequency. It represents what was not taken away from you even though your history, your memories, and your identity were removed and scattered. The way you were left intact with the ability to discover who you were was through the sexual experience. Of course, you were never taught this. We are going to do some church bashing here. So sorry for anyone who is a member of the churches. The churches came about as organizations—businesses to control religion and spiritual development and to create jobs, to create a hierarchy, and to create a club. Very few churches came about with the idea of bringing information to people. You don’t usually think of religion as something that keeps you informed, do you? Any religion that brings information is a religion operating on the vibration of truth. Spiritual realms are places of existence that the human body is locked away from. Because sexuality was an opportunity for human beings to regain their memory, or to connect with their spiritual selves and spiritual creator, or to find an avenue to the spiritual realm that you are sealed off from, the churches came about and promoted sexuality for procreation. They taught you that the only reason you had sexuality was to produce little humans. Sexuality was promoted as something very bad. Women were told that sexuality was something they had to undergo to serve men and that they had no control over the birthing process. Women believed this; hence, to this day, you believe in general that you have no control over that portion of your body. You must realize that only you decide whether you are going to birth a child or not. This is not such a complicated thing as you have been told. Decision and intention are what bring the experience to your being. You can control whether you have a baby or not. If woman had had this ability for the last several thousand years, and if she had been able to explore her sexual self without fear of having a child, perhaps men and women would have discovered that they were much freer than they had been told they were. The discovery of the highest frequency of sexuality arises from the love experience. It has nothing to do with relationships being either homosexual or heterosexual. It has to do with two human beings bringing pleasure to one another in a way that opens frequencies of consciousness. You have bought many ideas about what is proper and what is improper within sexual expression.
Love is the essence that is to be created in all relationships. If you love and honor someone, it doesn’t matter what your composition of density is. What matters is the love vibration and how you explore this love, which ideally is gifted and coupled with the integration of the male and the female counterparts that make the twin flame.
Ideally, sexuality is explored through feelings. The third and fourth chakras connect you to the emotional and compassionate selves, which connect you to the spiritual self. The spiritual self is the part of yourself that is multidimensional through which you exist in many forms simultaneously. It is your assignment and agreement and task to be aware of all these realities in the identity that you are. When you are aware, you can tune into the different frequencies, remember who you are, and change the vibratory rate of this universe. We love to talk about sexuality because it is so mysterious upon this planet. Certain mystery schools have held some of the knowledge about the potential uses of sexuality in secrecy. You are electromagnetic creatures, and when you come together physically with another human creature, you bond your electromagnetic frequencies together. When your frequencies are attuned and joined by a love frequency, incredible things can occur. Thousands of years ago, when society had more of a matriarchal view in certain areas of the planet, Goddess energy was coming through and working with certain individuals. The female understood her power, her intuition, her feeling center, her connection, and her desire to create life. She also understood that she never had to conceive a child if it was not her intention to do so.
In order for the patriarchal society to come full circle and prepare Earth for this shift in consciousness, female energy needed to take a back seat. So female power, energy, and understanding of sexuality were suppressed. In modern times—the past two thousand years—it came to be upon the planet that women believed they had no control over when they could have children, that sexuality was deemed bad and disgusting, and that sex was taught to be performed only within the rights of marriages and so on. All of this was a marketing program.
Some of the present-day marketing programs to create an even greater fear of sexuality and its expression are the new diseases: AIDS, herpes, and all the other things. You read about these things in your newspapers and become frightened of your own expression, frightened of your own intuition, and frightened of your own joy. Do you understand? Before DNA was rearranged, the way many people reached the higher realms and were able to climb the ladders of themselves and reach into off-planet frequencies was by electromagnetically bonding through love. They created a rocketship-like experience to propel them out into other systems of reality. This has been one of the best-kept secrets upon the planet. Many we have spoken to have had absolutely profound experiences with their sexuality. We would like to point out again that we are not making distinctions or judgments about who you happen to bond with in a relationship, and we suggest that you give up that judgment as well. It is old programming. It does not matter whether you bond with a member of the opposite sex or a member of your own sex. We are talking about two humans coming together by physically joining themselves in whatever ways are appropriate for them to join and create love, because they are sharing love. When integrity and love are missing from a joining of human bodies, that is when human beings do not think well of their experience. This can create all kinds of damaging results within the physical body. You were left with the frequency of the orgasmic experience in sexuality so that you could remember your higher identity. When this energy or history of yourself is revealed and you discover who you are, you will unite many bodies of your personal multidimensional identity in your physical form. To receive the full impact of the gridwork of your identity, let the twelve helixes fit in your body and allow the light-encoded filaments to rearrange themselves. This process has to do with the mental body, which is of course connected to the physical body. The emotional body, which is connected to the spiritual body, is the body that everybody wants to skip. You say, “I want to evolve. I want a rapid acceleration, but I do not want to go through the feeling center to do it.” You are connected to your multidimensional selves through your feelings, and it is in your feelings that you primarily get stuck. Accept that your “stuff” comes up for a reason. Many of you would like to bury your “stuff” and throw it out in the trash as if it is something ugly and not who you are. This “stuff” is the shadow portion of your identity that you don’t like to deal with or accept. We understand that sometimes, when something comes up, you label it and say, “I hate this part of myself. I want to just finish it and sweep it under the rug and forget it. I’m finished with this stuff.” Guess what. Your “stuff”—your issues—are the treasures of your life. They are how you learn. You have agreed to mutate, to pull light into your body, and to birth the family of light on this planet. Since light is information, you must deal with all of the things you have hidden from yourself. Sexuality is the primary issue because it is the secret self—the self you hide from. Society has said to you, “This is good. This is bad. You are to do this. You are not to do this.” Who gave you these laws? Who gave you any of your laws to begin with? You have been stuck because you can’t read the symbols of the language you are speaking to yourselves. So you dwell upon it. Many of you love your stories because they get you attention. If you didn’t have a story, who would talk to you? Observe your body and see what it is teaching the self. Ideally, you will heal the sore and create a place of greater comfort and joy as you learn to dwell more completely in your physical body and have a new identity of your sexuality.
Sexuality is a key. It is a doorway to the higher realms of consciousness. As you redefine yourselves, and the light-encoded filaments give you a new definition of yourselves, you are going to change who you are sexually as well. Sexuality must come up for all of you, and, we will say from experience, it is the area that you are most frightened of at this time. We guarantee there will be more frightening areas later. If you are stuck on the idea of love and cannot comprehend what is going on with it, your difficulty is that you are looking for love outside yourself. You are looking for somebody else to put meaning in your life and validate you. If you do not have that person, you become angry or feel you are worthless. This is a pattern you grew up with, which your parents and your society showed you. We have said over and over again that the most important thing you can do is love yourself and honor Earth. But you keep forgetting this and looking for the next relationship to make you whole or complete. You feel that without a relationship you are perhaps less than an acceptable citizen. Then you feel lonely. You must learn how to be alone. Loneliness is simply a state of mind. You are never, never alone. You have multitudes of entities around you. If you would stop feeling sorry for yourselves, you would find that there is so much data constantly being blasted at you that you may want to be alone so you can have a good time receiving the contact. When you love yourself and stop getting convoluted about the need to have someone else love you, you are able to accept what someone offers. It is imperative that you value yourself so that you do not settle for a love disguised. If you decide to go for a partner or to vibrate with someone, and you do not receive what you want, do not whine or nag or pout about the person to make them change according to your needs. If you set a value for yourself and do not create it, then simply change your reality and continue onward alone until you meet someone who reflects your value. All the while, vibrate in the love of the self, honor the self, and understand that the journey here is about self discovery in relationship to others. It is not just about husbands or wives. The journey here is about honoring your physical body and the uniqueness of the self as you touch the lives of many. Always allow yourself to work with the self and let the self evolve. You are all afraid of being intimate with yourselves—of being alone with the self. Once you develop an intimacy, a silence, a self-love, and a containment of your energy, then you will want to make that aspect of intimacy your standard for intimacy with someone else.
Sexuality can be very confusing at this time because you are raising and studying your frequencies. When you join bodies, even when you hug one another, you exchange frequency. When you have a sexual experience, there is a hormonal release inside the body. The hormones awaken certain energies inside the cells, and there is a transference of one person’s essence onto the other person. That is why when you have had sexual experiences with someone you sometimes cannot get their energy off you. Even though you don’t want to be with the person, the sexual experience stays with you because you have had an electromagnetic exchange. You are going through this frequency modulation and learning how to raise your frequency to a place of consistent information, self-love, and self-intimacy. Therefore, it can seem very confusing and sometimes frightening to take this vulnerable thing you are learning about yourself and layer up and merge with another. The more you become aware, the more you take charge of how you use your body, where you plug it in, where you sit it down, and certainly who you mix it with sexually.
If expressing yourself sexually now encouraged your greatest growth, you would automatically create that experience for yourself because you would be ready for it. Understand that, during the process of evolving the self, very often a period of dormancy in sexual activity occurs. Within the sexual frequency, you exchange with one another. So if you are bonding yourself and chemically exchanging with a person who is not of your likeness, you are taking on their garbage because you are exchanging energy quite intimately. Sometimes you will be led away from that kind of exchange. You may think, “Oh, my goodness, what is happening? Am I turning old? Am I drying up? What is going on?” That is not the case. You can learn to use the energy that would stimulate you sexually without giving it over to another person. Instead of getting chaotic and crazy, you may explore that energy by practicing the art of masturbation, knowing that it is perfectly legitimate and fine to do it. Or, you may want to simply observe that you feel a sexual arousal and decide what you are going to do with it. You may say, “Well, I’m not going to act on this now. Let’s see where this energy goes.” Take the energy, let it rise through your body, and use it in other areas. You will get to a point when you must adore, sustain, and love yourself as if you are holding yourself like a newborn babe in your own arms, knowing you will do the best for yourself. Many of you distract yourselves. Find the place of serenity and silence in which you can find answers. You cannot find answers by dialing the telephone all day long and asking everyone else for them. If you attempt to, you are demonstrating that you are looking outside of yourself. When you learn how to turn within to find answers, the self will speak. Usually you cannot hear because you are locked in behavioral patterns that you know you have to change but that you don’t want to change because you don’t know who you will be. In all honesty, you are afraid of yourselves. This is a very common thing. You are afraid you will not be complete, and you want to be complete very much. So you say, “I am complete. I am sovereign. I need someone else. I am attracted to someone. Oh, no, I cannot look. I am too frightened of that. I don’t need anyone. I do need someone.” You go back and forth. Learn to still your mind. Learn to become completely in charge of your energy. What does that mean? It means that wherever you are, you observe yourself—how your body is positioned, how you are using your hands, whether you are repeating yourself over and over again, whether you are speaking or silent. Learn to watch yourself with no judgment. Learn to watch and self correct by determining how you would like to be versus how you are. Learn to quiet your mind. Frequency is carried from you to another person particularly if there is a love bonding. A love bonding does not mean that you are going to cleave to one another forever. It simply means that you are in a relationship for however long you deem that relationship appropriate in that you honor one another and exchange energies and let the energies flow as if through open circuitry. When you do not love another and you are not bonded, there is no exchange; the circuitry does not open. It does not mean that you cannot have good sex; it simply means that the circuitry is not open. As this electrical current is raised higher and higher, there are greater heights of orgasmic experience that the human body can receive because the nervous system is able to handle the higher ecstatic frequencies. The nervous system will determine how you express yourself and how you feel. If you have a poorly evolved nervous system, your sexual experience will be very limited because the nervous system conducts the electrical current. The orgasmic experience brings about a healing and realignment of the physical body.
Eventually, you will not be able to get close to or be with someone who is not operating at the same voltage you are. You simply will not fit. It would be like putting a size nine foot into a size two shoe. It won’t work or be comfortable. You won’t fit because you won’t be able to merge vibrationally. You will eventually understand the importance of vibrational nourishment as you begin to link sexually. Linking sexually is only one way of merging with people who are moving at the same or a compatible voltage rate. Your reality is very interesting to us because you have so many clues in your waking world. When you go to a foreign country, your electrical appliances do not plug in. They don’t fit, so you need an adapter. It would be stressful if you had to continuously adapt to a vibration when you were involved intimately in a sexual relationship. It would be too much effort. You would spend all your energy creating the adaptive mechanisms. Then you would be in denial and not give yourself permission to go further because you would lower the ceiling.
The sixties marked the opening of sexual exploration. In an instant, the paradigm shifted. Much of the energy that was on the planet at that time, coupled with the experimental ingestion of different mind-altering substances, immediately made a new paradigm and split you from previous generations. The boundaries were instantly changed. You were split from a generation that believed in war and did not feel—a generation whose sexual expression was done in the dark, perhaps with many clothes on. You broke the paradigm wide open in many ways, and you set new trends and created new ways of being. It was wonderful. “Oh, goodness, free sex and love and bodies showing!” you said. Now it is time for a whole new revolution through which you will become vibrationally hooked to a person. There will be no more distractions of sexuality and no more pretending that you are without hang-ups—that you are sexually liberated because you can be in this position and that position and say this and do that. That is simply body aerobics in the area of sexuality. We want you to get into the aerobics and contortions of the soul—the vibration. The depth of two people coming together and linking in this capacity is what you all crave. If you are frightened of it, it is because you don’t have a framework or role model for it. You must design one. You must trust that somehow the energy in the design of the cosmic blueprint will instantly bring about a new movement based on the desire for this next step of understanding yourselves. You will remember with great clarity your expressions of sexuality in your different manipulations through reality—when you have been both men and women and explored sexuality in every aspect. It takes courage to do this. If there is one area in which you really judge yourselves, and in which the planet does great judging, it is sex. You have had some definite ideas about what is sexually proper and improper. So, many of you may be shocked to remember what you have done with your sexuality. Understand that, on this planet, sexuality has always been the body’s link to its higher frequency. Even though much of the data was scattered and disassembled in the body, this potential to create life remained for you to completely understand who you are at the base of your being and at the core of who you are. Sexual vibration has been your link with your cosmic identity, but this whole concept has been completely misunderstood and lost. We are simply saying that there is a bigger story and that it is much more exciting than anyone has dared to believe. There were those who did not want you to be in tune with these frequencies because the sexual frequencies could have taken you to areas of liberation where you would have begun to figure things out. Sexuality was left as a frequency for you to ride through the nervous system and connect with the higher mind by going out of your body. If you had been told that this was the route out, who could have controlled or manipulated you? The population must clear the negative connotations and judgments that have colored your sexual experience for eons. You must make peace with sex in order to integrate the frequencies and identity. Things have been manipulated and given a boundary of limitation so that the truth of sexuality has been kept from you. You have been told that you can procreate with it and have orgasms, but you have not been told that you can open frequencies with it. You can come into contact and use it as a method of remembering who you are and altering the vibrational frequency of your body. In the next few years, your expression of sexuality will have a whole new dimension. You will evolve and grow, provided that you have a partner who is willing to take the same route and to be that open. But if you are with someone who wants to play the avoidance game or the game of denial, you will not get there.”
– via Barbara Marciniak, from the book “Bringers of the Dawn”
Feeling who you are is the first step; living true to your identity is next.
Your identity is who you feel you are. If you feel you are a corporate executive, you will act very differently than if you feel you are infinite light. Who you feel yourself as is your identity. Spiritual growth involves deepening your identity, feeling more deeply who you are.
But after you have discovered a certain level of depth, then you must conform your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to this depth of openness—otherwise, your life-practice lags behind your identity-practice. Suppose, for example, you realize that at heart you are love. You realize that although you might function as a mother, a politician, or a baker, at depth you actually are love.
This realization is half of your spiritual practice. The other half is to live true to your newly realized identity, in spite of old habits to the contrary. You can now practice to do love. When you walk, how can you let go of your old habits of tension and move as an expression of the love you feel you are at depth? At your job, how can you work as the love you truly are? What changes do you need to make in your daily life-rituals so that love can radiate through your every breath, action, and relationship?
Most people find it much easier to grow deeper in identity (“Who am I?”) than to express this depth through daily life. They discover they are love, for instance, and still spend hours gossiping or watching TV. They self-justify by thinking they can be love while also lazing around, and this is true. But if they were really sensitive and honest with themselves, they would feel that certain behaviors conduct love more than others do. Singing with a relaxed throat is more conducive to expressing love than singing with a tense throat, although you can love and also be tense. You can make love with a hard belly or a soft belly, but love flows more fully through a soft belly.
“Am I receiving love from others fully into my body? Is love flowing through my body outward to others fully?” You learn to feel the flow of love as feedback. Before, you were able to bad-mouth others with a laugh and a sneer. Now that you have opened more deeply, you can feel how such gossip creates a subtle closure, a tension in yourself and in the friends you are speaking with. So you practice living more true to the depth of love you are, which in this case may mean gossiping less so love can flow more fully through your body and your friends.
You can notice how your diet affects the openness in yourself and others. True, you can be open as love and eat anything. Nevertheless, certain foods may contribute to a subtle closure in your body, emotions, and mind, and therefore instigate closure in your relationships.
Love, or openness, is. You can practice opening just as you are. As you grow in your capacity to be openness, you can also grow in your capacity to do openness. Your body, mind, and actions—whether in dreams or while awake—can live more or less true to the love-openness that is their source.
Whatever appears in any moment, including right now—your thoughts, the room, other people—is the given medium for love’s emergence. You don’t have much control over what appears, but you can practice true to your realized depth—or not. You can choose to gift the world and all others with the deepest love or openness that you can open as. You can practice to think as openness, to act as openness, to breathe as openness, now and in any moment. You can feel the texture of every moment of every relationship and act to align your words and touch and gaze so the openness of love prevails.
You can practice living as the deepest openness that you know you are. One enemy of this practice is laziness, or the misconception that knowing you are love is sufficient. Knowing or feeling the deep openness who you are is fairly easy; living as this openness, and serving all others to live as this love, in every moment through all appearances, is where the art is.
Usually, there is substantial lag time between the realization of depth and your capacity to live it. Your emotions, sex, and relationships tend to be much less open than who you feel you are at depth. True art requires practice. Living as an artful expression of openness—so even the tone of your voice, the grace of your gestures, and the play of your sexing are exquisite expressions of the love who you are—requires years of spontaneous gifting and rigorous practice.
If knowing the truth is sufficient for you, then practice the art of philosophy. If only living the truth will suffice, then practice the art of love through your mind, your emotions, and your body. Do your best to breathe love, in and out.
Receive the presence of the entire moment deep into your body—into your heart, into your belly, into your loins—as a lover would open deeply to receive her trusted beloved. Give your deepest love, pressing your love into the moment’s openness without holding anything back, as a lover would press his love gently and deeply into his trusting beloved. Soften your belly as love. Speak so that listeners open. Prepare food and arrange your house as love’s radiant gifts of enchantment.
Even in your nighttime dreams, your daydreams, and your secret moments of private time, practice the art of doing love through whatever medium appears. When you notice your mind wandering to a sexual fantasy, consciously guide the imagery toward love’s fullness, so that all the characters in the fantasy are heartfully served by your sexual gifts and opened as love’s unbound ecstasy. If you find yourself lonely, raiding the refrigerator at night, suck the fullness of the moment deep into your heart with each swallow, and allow each mouthful’s joy to radiate outward, breathing your secret pleasure as a gift freely offered from your heart through your whole body to all.
In this way, every place that comes and goes also opens as love fully offered.
From Blue Truth by David Deida, Chapter 15
Ferrett Steinmetz is tired of being told that he should point guns at his daughter’s boyfriends.
There’s a piece of twaddle going around the internet called 10 Rules For Dating My Daughter, which is packed with “funny” threats like this:
“Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilising some kind of ‘barrier method’ can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.”
All of which boil down to the tedious, “Boys are threatening louts, sex is awful when other people do it, and my daughter is a plastic doll whose destiny I control.”
Look, I love sex. It’s fun. And because I love my daughter, I want her to have all of the same delights in life that I do, and hopefully more. I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. But in the abstract, darling, go out and play.
Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.
Yes, all these boys and girls and genderqueers may break your heart, and that in turn will break mine. I’ve held you, sobbing, after your boyfriend cheated on you, and it tore me in two. But you know what would tear me in two even more? To see you in a glass cage, experiencing nothing but cold emptiness at your fingers, as Dear Old Dad ensured that you got to experience nothing until he decided what you should like.
You’re not me. Nor are you an extension of my will. And so you need to make your own damn mistakes, to learn how to pick yourself up when you fall, to learn where the bandages are and to bind up your own cuts. I’ll help. I’ll be your consigliere when I can, the advisor, the person you come to when all seems lost. But I think there’s value in getting lost. I think there’s a strength that only comes from fumbling your own way out of the darkness.
You’re your own person, and some of the things you’re going to love will strike me as insane, ugly, or unenjoyable. This is how large and wonderful the world is! Imagine if everyone loved the same thing; we’d all be battling for the same ten people. The miracle is how easily someone’s cast-offs become someone else’s beloved treasure. And I would be a sad, sad little man if I manipulated you into becoming a cookie-cutter clone of my desires. Love the music I hate, watch the movies I loathe, become a strong woman who knows where her bliss is and knows just what to do to get it.
Now, you’re going to get bruised by life, and sometimes bruised consensually. But I won’t tell you sex is bad, or that you’re bad for wanting it, or that other people are bad from wanting it from you if you’re willing to give it. I refuse to perpetuate, even through the plausible deniability of humor, the idea that the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy.
I’m not the guard who locks you in the tower. Ideally, I am my daughter’s safe space, a garden to return to when the world has proved a little too cruel, a place where she can recuperate and reflect upon past mistakes and know that here, there is someone who loves her wholeheartedly and will hug her until the tears dry.
That’s what I want for you, sweetie. A bold life filled with big mistakes and bigger triumphs.
Now get out there and find all the things you fucking love, and vice versa.
This article originally ran at theferrett.com under a slightly different title.
Having daughters can be scary but having sons can be too. Sex can be a beautiful experience and it can be a painful one. Age, relationship, gender has nothing to do with any of it. In schools, church’s and on the home front we teach our children that sex is evil if not done between a husband and wife or two “committed” ADULTS yet they are bombarded with poor sexual behaviors on movies, video games, books, magazines, the internet, advertising and even in the model many provide at home. It is hard to find one ADULT that did not explore sex as a teen and that has been the case since humankind came about, but in today’s society we believe it is healthy to shame, guilt and point fingers at our youth for doing what is absolutely normal. Sex education needs to change in my opinion, from: this is the birds and the bees and its for only making babies with your spouse; fear the diseases and possible death from it, to: here is how you honor your body, your partners body, here is how to have gourmet sex verse fast food sex, here is how to set healthy boundaries and how to talk sex with those you may be “doing it with.” Here are your safe sex options and above all else we need to teach that sex is freakin’ IMPORTANT in a intimate relationship. We do not own another’s body nor should we feel guilt for saying no to our partner when we need to, or feel shame for asking for what we want. We need to teach our children how to be strong and empowered in ALL areas of their life, not shame them for being human. I have always been a realist in my thinking on sex when it comes to all my babies, and because of what I have learned through experience and self searched out education on this topic I wish all my kids awesome safe empowered gourmet sex and I stand behind their decisions with open arms and a heart of understanding.
For some time, we have created and perpetuated the belief that sexuality and spirituality are two very different boxes in our lives, along with the idea that sex is dirty, impure, and “ungodly” – only acceptable for reproduction. The treatment of this part of ourselves as forbidden and primal has led us to using the act of sex in many debasing ways and has greatly minimized, if not eliminated altogether, the idea that sexuality is actually one of the doorways to help us remember our Divinity.
When we shift to accepting its higher vibration, our sexuality becomes a sacred form of self-realization and opening to the higher self, as well as opening to full union of higher love and connection with another. In this way, it’s incorporated as a crucial part of our spiritual evolution!
Our guest this week is Kendal Williams (www.tantrictransformation.com), a Tantric practitioner whose lifetime journey to self-empowerment presented itself through the melding of her sexuality and spirituality.
Listen to the recorded talk via VoiceAmerica
Living the Shift: Our Evolution of Body, Mind, and Spirit
The Union Between Sexuality and Spirituality as Part of Our Evolution
Show date: 7/30/13
Key Notes from Kendal’s Interview
Angela: Please cover the highlights of your background, how your journey led you to finding your spirituality within your sexuality.
Kendal: Spirituality has been in my life forever. Sexuality was too, but I did not understand it as such. The world has always turned me on, everything about it. Even as a child I was fascinated and turned on my nature and by everything the world had to offer me. However it was not until my teen years that I was opened up to the possibilities. Love stepped into my life with a young man who was my first teacher. He brought a greater scope of spirituality into my life by introducing me to the concepts and practices of Tantra. Our lovemaking and deep connection opened me to life and the unity of spirituality and sexuality. My real lessons in love and in life happened though when he left and my heart crumbled into pain. This allowed me to experience the rawness of life and great beauty came from it. I turned and walked down the path of what I call the, “white picket fence life,” You could say I strived for the American dream. Success. Or what we are taught success is, the house, car, travel, money, etc. I married and had children. We went through much chaos and learning and grew spiritually even though neither of us were consciously aware of the lessons at hand. Over the course of 17 years our paths slowly separated and our lessons needed to manifest apart from each other. Toward the end of my marriage I called into my life a teacher. I started paying attention to the omens/signs around me and reconnected to the spirit that I had always knew. During this time of my life I was introduced to kabbalah and learned about the ego and how to expand our light body as well as the meeting of Duncan Knight (my tantra teacher and now dear friend). I knew three things at this point: 1) I needed healing personally, I was numb to life and if I felt anything it was rage and depression 2) I wanted my relationship to my husband healed but was not caught up on any given physical outcome of that, whatever healed meant was good for me and 3) I wanted to become a practitioner.
As I worked with Duncan my lower chakras started to awaken and heal, with this my desire for living life and feeling was summed back. I was horny. My kundalini was awakening and as it did I decided that I needed to explore sexuality deeper and expand out. This awakening brought reality into a clear picture, I wanted lovers in my life. I wanted sensual expression in my life. I wanted experience and I wanted the courage to do what was needed. I was scared to death of each step I had to take, but the universe provided me with many perfect souls that would become my guides, teachers of life, mirrors, lovers and friends and even a few that would come through to teach the hard lessons of pain and suffering. This time of life was full of miracles when I look back at it. Even as I worked through tough issues such as rape and the separation of a 17 year marriage I now can see the great beauty in what was being provided.
In the unity and healing of my sexuality and spirituality I opened the gateway to harmony, peace, unconditional love and acceptance of self and others and the ability to live unbound.
Angela: What is the difference between basic sexuality, as we generally know it today, and what sexuality can be (and provide) in its optimal state?
Kendal: Its ALL about integration. The integration of sexual pleasure and spiritual surrender. We do this when we learn to love and trust in life, not just in our intimate relationships. Openness is about the body opening up, our muscles relaxing, our hearts opening instead of hiding behind emotional blockades; where spiritual openness is fully feeling into each moment of life, feeling that there is NO separation between us and that precious moment of the present. When we do this we reach optimal bliss and passion not just in our lovemaking but in our daily lives. You see when we get turned on in the bedroom we are also getting turned on to life. Sex is a creative process that wants to manifest miracles. We are the ONLY species that has the ability to not only experience great pleasure from our “mating” but also not have it be mating, instead we have the great blessing of sex for pleasure and manifestation. This is where we need to start to except sex’s greatest gift to us. In our sexing we are able to expand our vessels and fill ourselves with an enormous amount of life force energy, if we open to this power of the creator and align our thoughts in the moment or orgasm to what we want to manifest in life then we can draw down these things, out of the quantum field of possibilities and have them materialize into our lives.
Angela: Does someone have to be in a relationship to explore this part of themselves? Please expound on this a little bit.
Kendal: Absolutely NOT. Some of the best and most powerful, spiritually evolving as well as educational sex is provided in the presence of no one other then ourselves. Self pleasuring is mandatory weather you are in a relationship or not. And I highly recommend that if you are single that you take this opportunity to work on yourself both sexually and spiritually. With self- pleasuring in a spiritual sense you learn to become the shaman of your life, you learn about your body, what you like and don’t like, you learn about your energy and how it flows through you at orgasm and if you are wise you will allow yourself to be witness to not only the pleasurable events of energy flowing but how your energy flows when you are upset, depressed or otherwise. How do these times relate in energy flow to orgasm and how can you direct that energy for the greatest good instead of what normally happens, a short circuit and then exhaustion. Through the practice of spiritual sex (weather alone or not) you can acquire powerful tools of self control, self love, acceptance, healing and learn to open to your own personal vortex of abundance.
Angela: What would be your advice to someone who’s put sexuality low on the priority scale in their spiritual evolution?
Kendal: Leaving sexuality out of spirituality is like trying to be positive all the time in life, by doing this we abandon part of ourselves. We are not being authentic. And by doing that we remain at the level that the part of us that we abandoned is still sitting. Only through embracing all of ourselves, including our kinks and dysfunctions, our traumas and our desires, our angels, saints and devils will we ever be able to become the full expression of love that the creator wants us to be. This is true surrender and surrender is powerful for our spiritual/emotional and physical growth. You have to remember that the thing that all of us that consciously walk a spiritual path subscribe to is the power of love, well that love-force that moves through the universe is also the same love force that breathes our breath and enables our hearts to beat as well as our genitals to experience orgasm. The only reason we don’t accept sex as a spiritual force is because of 2500 years of fear being programmed into us. When this fear dissolves, we no longer separate ourselves from the creator, we become part of the infinite flow of life. Opening sexually is opening to this flow of life. When we are having sex we are (if we are a man) penetrating the world with our presence in the moment, with our strength, our passion, our purpose. We are guiding the energy of the universe into what we want to manifest. (if we are a woman) the more we open our legs and allow ourselves to be penetrated we open to abundance, creation, love and surrender. In this we women carry with us the infinite universe within our wombs where we can manifest our dreams into reality.
Angela: What would you recommend as the first step for anyone wanting to explore their sexuality in a spiritual way – both individually and in a relationship?
Kendal: There are two first steps.
Learn to breathe. Breath is not only the essence of our soul but in learning how to properly breathe you will gain great insight into yourself, as well as have the most powerful step toward connecting, maintaining and controlling your life force energy. In our breath we can connect our spirits and travel up the spiritual ladder to heaven, we can expand our orgasmic state out into the world and fill our physical bodies with a sustainable energy that will carry us for days. Breath is the gateway to higher consciousness and sex that can heal and transform us as well as our world.
The second step is:
Have more sex. Really get properly sexed open every day if you can. Single or in a relationship take the time each day to have an orgasm and when you do come, breathe it in and allow it to fill your body, relax your muscles instead of tensing up and envision in your minds eye what you want to create. Consciously surrender into this state of pleasure with the feeling, vision and desire of the life you want to have.
It has been two weeks since the last Naked Musing Mailing and I am sure that some are wondering what the news is with me. As you can see from the banner photo chosen for this week and the one to the left, sweet little Gabriel Jon has made his arrival. (You may view the whole album HERE He was born on May 31st @ 10:05PM and was 9 lbs. 5 oz.. 21 inches long. It was a beautiful labour and birth. I must admit that out of my six births that his was INCREDIBLE. It was the first time that I got to experience birth from a point of 100% natural. No medications, no inducing, no nothing that the Creator did not intend. I also was blessed to have a water-birth at the Allen Birthing Center and was able to enjoy this miracle event with my partner and my three daughters. Such a powerful, healing and heart shattering moment in life.
After the labour in following days, many discussions between my girls and I came up. The education and deep connection between our female soul journeys was brought to a high point in the birth of their little brother. It allowed for me to share a part of our human existence with them that many young people NEVER get a first hands account of. Yes, we are shown movies in health class, told what such events are like and see Hollywood’s depiction in movies but nothing can ever make up for what the real event is like. The energy in the room as a little being is being birthed and taking his/her first breath of life outside the womb is incomparable to anything else. The incredible hieghtened energy between mother and father as they connect and keep focus throughout contractions and the sounds that clear through our throat chakra as women as we work with nature and our bodies brings us to a state of awe. As one of my daughters said, “Mom, you did not scream or do anything like the movies show. It sounded more like an orgasmic moan with each of your contractions.” And this is true for my experience. There were moments in the end of labour where I would say I entered the state of Satori even.
A few months ago I wrote a Naked Musing titled Orgasmic Womb-man Hood where I shared a concept about pain and suffering and how we can turn such “painful” events into Orgasm. One such event that science is looking into is labour. It is shown that 21% of women during birth experience orgasm. What is the cause for this bliss to manifest from something that we are taught is the most physically painful event of life. I am confident that if the survey went deeper into the rabbit hole of this phenomenon that we would discover that is somewhere around the same percentage of women that decide to experience labour and birth NATURALLY.
In our world today we are told to crave the bliss, desire the highs but avoid the lows. We are told that painful events are “bad” or wrong and that we should mask the feelings of these events with things that numb us or bring us a false sense of pleasure. What we are not told is that you cannot walk through this life avoiding all the perceived pain and not get a whiplash effect from the masking. Every time we choose to block out the pain of our lives we prevent our mind, body and soul from full expression, experience and rapture. We prevent ourselves from LIVING, yet living and connecting to life is what we are all searching for.
**I encourage each who reads this note to STOP the insanity of masking, dig deep into your beautiful being and find that courage to LIVE, free, unbound and fully expressed**.
So how does one go about living free, unbound and fully expressed?
Learn the steps today to live your life EMPOWERED.
Men are mystified by women’s sexuality – actually we’re terrified of it. Our greatest fear? That we’ll disappoint you, that you’ll dream about or find someone is better or bigger than us and that you’ll never open yourself to us again.
As a woman, you make yourself vulnerable by revealing an experience or describing a fantasy. As men, we hear the details as a challenge to us to deliver it precisely as described. We think you’re like us and that every detail is something you want in real life exactly as you imagined it.
Your romantic fantasies have us mentally calculating the expense of the trip to the exotic location and the legalities of being arrested on the beach or in the waterfall. Your more vivid ones make us fear we need to be some kind of endowed gymnast to avoid disappointing you.
What men don’t realize is that the most desirable quality for a woman isn’t muscles, sexual gymnastics or impressive endowment, it’s a partner that a woman trusts enough to simply EXPRESS herself openly to.
The reason 50 Shades of Grey was popular wasn’t because it was well written (it wasn’t) or the specific sex it described, it was because the man described was confident and utterly unembarrassed about his own sexuality and created a safe space for the woman to express both her curiosity and limitations.
Most men are stuck – we don’t intend to be, we just have fewer places than women to have healthy conversations about sexuality.
We grew up on a diet of dirty jokes and pornography with the guys while publicly the puritanical beliefs from our families, our churches and sex Ed classes made us think everything we wanted was dirty.
We’re terrified that someone will discover that we’re deviants if we reveal out fantasies or inadequate lovers if we open up about our insecurities.
At our core we suspect that women don’t want sex, that we have to convince you to like it so that we can get it. It’s almost inconceivable to us that it’s something you’d actually want or think about.
Because they fear your sexuality, Nice Guys lack bravado inside or outside the bedroom while Bad Boys try to keep up their ‘show’ when their clothes come off or reveal themselves as the timid boys they really are when things become genuinely intimate.
A conscious man realizes that a woman is open when she feels seen, safe, respected and supported. An exceptionally conscious man understands that foreplay for a woman begins the moment sex ends and that she will be open to him as long as she continues to feel seen, respected and supported.
A conscious man doesn’t disconnect (roll over, turn on the TV, leave her alone to clean up). He knows that as long as he adores her and never stops showing that he supports her that she never turns *off*.
She might not think about sex the casual way he does, but if he proves to be magnificent in her *little* things he’ll find her magnificently available with his *big* things.
Graham R White
For some, spirituality is all fluffy and dream-catchery; our day‘s intention is to live with an open-heart and make smiley differences in the lives of others.
For others, spirituality is all about surrender to unfolding Source, personality annihilation and manifesting stillness.
But what about sex?
We live in a world with billions of sexually repressed women, billions of sexually damaged men and millions of people addicted to pornography. Many of those people would describe themselves asspiritual.
Something has gone wrong. The repression of sex can be held accountable for so many of our world’s ills. It is time to take a good look at the assumptions that we make about our sexuality, time to embrace some kick-ass spirituality.
For many people journeying a spiritual path, there’s much confusion about how to handle sex impulses that naturally arise. What does a student do when he has lusty thoughts about his gorgeous yoga teacher as she demonstrates downward facing dog?
What does a meditator do when she has the urge to masturbate (about a young muscular man at the ashram)? What does an internationally renowned teacher do when he no longer finds his gorgeous wife sexually attractive, preferring to indulge in his friends with benefits?
Sex is a mother load of work for every one of us.
People, the good news is we are all wonderfully sexual beings, for all is sex. Sex brings this all into being. The bad news, thus far, is that our patriarchal culture and a myriad of flesh-denying religious teachings have left us all with a sexual shadow.
How can we be spiritual and not sexual? Not possible.
I would describe myself as a sexual creature. I am also in touch with an inner yearning to understand what this experience called life is all about. I am a sexual mystic. Over the years, I have encountered many mixed messages from the spiritual scene as to what to do with all the sexual energy that flows through me.
Abstain? No. Embrace and share? No. Hide it? No. Tell everyone about it? No! Beyond the spiritual scene, in the world that I grew up in, there were even more mixed messages. Isn’t it extraordinary how sex is so out in the open, blatantly used in all media, and yet, it is so hidden; nobody talks freely about it. No wonder I was confused.
As a spiritual evolutionary, I was determined to find my way through the confusion. The essence of what I discovered is that this isn’t the time to pretend that our sex is bad or isn’t there. It’s no time to be guilty about something that is so beautiful.
It’s no time to bear shameful wounds that stand in the way of our wholeness. This is a time to embrace our every sexual feeling, every nuanced energy that moves within and to see it all as nature; a flow from divinity itself. Sexual mindfulness if you will. Sexquanimity.
I have peered deeply into the origins of sexual energy and seen that sex is the life force that brings everything into being. It is the most austere of energies that moves within us. Fellow seekers, let’s not deny that energy—let’s embrace it, talk about it, love it and celebrate it.
That surely is the way that we can return to wholeness. It is only when sexual energy is embraced and celebrated that our shadows will enlighten. Celebration of our sex has to be an integral part of any spiritual journey.
Wholeness is ours to be experienced when we indulge in all of life with awareness. Even those sexy, naughty, juicy parts of us that we would rather pretend weren’t there.
Om Mani Padme Hum
Original Post on Elephant Spirituallity
Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women and Author. His juicy new book “The sex god – No Mud No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love. www.amazon.com/sex-god-No-Mud-Lotus/dp/0957259603 www.benbelenus.com www.facebook.com/benbelenus
Recently I came across a post in a discussion group by a male who was expressing confusion and frustration on focusing on his pleasure. His question was also how to focus on his pleasure and hers at the same time There are many different ways that this can be answered. What I believe the core of the problem to be is more widespread than just the pleasure question.
In my experience there is a belief, by males, that there is no difference between orgasm and climax. This is not true, we are never taught the difference, because talking about sex is considered taboo. So let’s strip away the taboo and deal with the concept of orgasm does not equal ejaculation. You can experience orgasm without climax, you can experience climax without orgasm. In my mind and experience the former is preferable. If a man can learn to move the sexual energy that gets built up in the genital region before climax he can get to the point of experiencing multiple orgasms without approaching ejaculation. Most guys spill over the edge of climax for several reasons.
The first and most important reason is lack of being in the moment and experiencing the pleasure of the intimate act with the partner. I would hazard a guess that most guys are already focused on “getting some” before the act is even certain and with ejaculation being the end goal.
To experience complete pleasure requires retraining the body and the mind to experience the depth and nuances of pleasure without focusing on the end goal of e ejaculation David Deidarefers to this kind of friction sex as “pump, pump ooooh, goo” Once you have retrained the body and the mind not to see ejaculation/climax as the goal of sex you can start to learn new patterns and your body will let you know when releasing energy via ejaculation is necessary.
There is no clean cut answer on how often a male should ejaculate as each body is different and will require different levels of energy retention and recycling. It will also depend on environmental factors, age, weight, diet, & general level of health. When ejaculation becomes a conscious choice instead of an expectation the true experience of pleasure can begin to be understood and felt.
It is important to keep in mind we can’t unlearn the patterns that we’ve built up over our lifetimes to this point. We did not learn how to walk, talk, ride a bike in a day. This is no different. It is a process of learning your body and how to open up to the sensations of pleasure. As they stated in a class that I recently took. When we learn to expand the container of the experience the more you can fit into that container. This includes sensations, thoughts, perceptions etc.
Like with anything else this will take conscious effort and practice.
You might have noticed that I have not mentioned to this point focusing on the woman’s pleasure. The reason for that is I don’t believe the posters confusion or frustration is centered anywhere other than himself. While it may be seen as chivalrous or forward thinking to focus solely on the woman’s pleasure first, by that very act you take away from the pleasure of the experience for both partners. So I am going to suggest that before any man asks the question of how to pleasure a woman, they first ask the question of accepting pleasure within themselves and what the intent they are taking into the experience is. Is it to share a beautiful moment of intimacy and deep connection with another human being, or are you focused on your climax?
ORIGINAL ARTICLE published on Authentic Living.com