I know you want someone to hold you close and handle your heart gently, but put love on hold. You don’t need someone to fall asleep beside. Not yet. You can wait for that.
Finding your forever person shouldn’t be your main priority. Finding yourself should come first.
Find out what brings your passionate side to the surface. Find out what stirs the adrenaline that’s been hibernating in your veins. Find out what convinces you to stay up until 3 AM and wake up at 5 AM. Find out what puts the suicidal thoughts to rest and gives you a burst of appreciation for the living.
Find out why the girl in the mirror looks so sad when she’s alone. What does she want? What is she missing? If it’s a who, what type of person would fill the gap where her smile is supposed to be? Is it a best friend that can make her laugh when she only has the impulse to scream? Is it a semi-stranger to drink with to erase the pain? Is it a mystery voice that tells her they believe in her, that they’re proud of her?
Find out what squeezes your heart until it skips a beat. Find out what sends flutters through your spine. Find out what awakens the butterflies in your stomach. Find out what makes the cliches come to life.
Find out who you are and what you want out of this chaotic world, because you’ve only scratched the surface of your cravings. You want a house in the Hamptons, but what will make that house a home? Degrees to hang on the wall, a baby girl, a puppy flopping through the yard? You want a job in journalism, but what are you hoping to gain from it? Aside from money. Aside from security. What is it you’re hoping life blesses you with?
Find out what you want this universe to deliver to you. And don’t be afraid to sound greedy or selfish or unrealistic. Don’t restrain yourself from having oversized fantasies, because you’ll find important pieces of yourself hidden amongst those dreams. You’ll find out what drives you. What type of human you truly are.
Find out what inspires you, motivates you. Find out what gives you the energy to push through on your worst days. Find out what you’re doing here on this earth, because no matter how worthless you feel, you have a purpose. You have a reason you exist — and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You have a lifetime to find your forever person, so find yourself first. You deserve to meet her.
ORIGINAL ARTICLE– You Have A Lifetime To Find Your Person, So Find Yourself First by Holly Riordan
For anyone that I work with face to face, you know that I have a white board in my office where I update according to what spirit guides to share and leave special quotes and thoughts, questions on this board for all my beautiful peep’s to explore internally. Recently one of my statements was, ” We connect through our drama.”
This statement caught some attention and caused a few people to question if this was accurate or if they felt other wise. In my coaching I do many coaching calls with people all over the place and one of my dear clients I was speaking with brought out a comment from me that I felt pertinent to share here as well as further thought on it.
The comment from me was: “Through looking for approval we also gain connection.”
This comment seems to being hanging out in my practice right now. It keeps coming up with so many people. The questions/thought that follow it are:
- Is asking for approval needy?
- If this is so then this is why I don’t do it as much when I am feeling confident and centered in myself.
- But when I have confidence and don’t need approval or opinions from others then is this disconnect?
- So what is the best chosen path: disconnection or looking for connection through approval? How do they each benefit me?
Yes looking for approval and opinion is connection based. Is this needy?
It can be, but not always. We as human beings need connection for basic survival and health. Our psyche’s health depends on connection. For the same reason we create drama in our lives – which is another connection based activity- we also look for approval, insight, opinion. We as well down play our greatness or blessings and we build up our trauma or pain. These are tools of connection.
What you have to truly look at is what sort of connection are you desiring?
There are many levels of connection.
For the most part many people say they want a deep connection and to be authentically seen but if given the opportunity to have this they become scared and sabotage it through ego based relating. The majority of relationships, may they be friendships, work or intimate, even marriages and with children are surface connections. To authentically relate and allow yourself to be seen and felt as well as remain open to seeing and feeling another at this level is an incredibly hard space to stand in. Yet is a desire for most.
Permission is only needed from ourselves for ourselves.
Confidence is something that only serves us if we are acting from our heart space, our soul. If we are in ego then confidence will disconnect us and actually come across as cockiness. A confident person is not a disconnected person. A confident person is someone willing to open themselves up and be seen, be felt, be human. They are comfortable asking for what they need, desire and they are also comfortable with hearing another’s authentic answer even if it means that the other is not good with giving what has been asked. Confidence is courage. Courage to see ones ego. Courage to make mistakes and ask questions. Courage to face the reality that our old programs will always pop up to haunt us and the only thing we can do is get better at seeing them and then acting differently. Courage to love ourselves just as we are and forgive ourselves for our past’s. Courage to embrace those that frustrate, hurt, anger or sadden us and realize that some where in our past we too have been guilty of doing the same in a similar energy, therefore there is no need to try and change where another is but just accept that their path is what it is as ours is as well.
The only way we disconnect is to shut ourselves down from the beauty of opening up.
When we choose openness and love we choose connection. First with ourselves
(as the relationship we have with self is the set-point for all other relationships) and then with those in our lives.
So what is the best path?
The best path is the one you are on. The best path is to learn to love and fully accept yourself in all your humanness. This is the ONLY path and you are never off of it, it is always with you and you will be traveling it even when you feel you are lost.
Feeling like you could use direction, guidance, support or opening to your authentic self?
So here is where more than my Naked Musings come into play! How can I help you be the best you that YOU desire and crave Living that Fuck Yes Life that you know at your core is waiting for you but scares the hell out of you? Reach out to me to explore one of my Orgasm Coaching Programs for men
and couples or email me (email@example.com) about getting on the waiting list for the VIP Fuck Yes to Life Coaching that is coming this Fall 2016!
Episode #9 of The Erotic Conversationalist (BlogTalkRadio)
Length: 1 hour, 23 minutes
My second review is about Mr. Currie’s interview with a tantric sex expert and sexual educator named Kendal Williams.
If you already read my review of Mr. Currie’s interview with Brandi L. Davis, a lot of my same criticisms and sentiments can easily be transferred to this interview as well. I am still not sure if the love affair with coarse, crude, rough, pornographic sex talk is a Mr. Currie preference only, or is it more broadly an American preference. To each their own, in fairness to the host and guest.
If you eliminate all of the moments during the interview where Mr. Currie and Ms. Williams participated in phone sex, this episode is worth a listen. Ms. Williams is a sex educator who presents her thoughts and arguments very well, and I was impressed by many of her feminist attitudes about women taking ownership over their bodies, their vaginas, and their eroticism and sensuality in general.
I didn’t really care for her concept of the ‘under-fucked pussy,’ not only because of the dreaded p-word, but because I do not believe that a woman’s vagina always needs to be penetrated or pounded by a man’s penis for a woman to experience the highest level of pleasure and sexual satisfaction. That concept of Ms. Williams’ aside, I agreed with many of her points about society’s attempt to dictate how a woman should behave sexually.
I believe tantric sex provides many benefits to men, women, and couples, and I believe more gals and guys should look into it. Ms. Williams’ talked in detail about tantric healing, tantric massage, and tantric yoga in addition to tantric sex. If you are tantra ‘curious,’ this is the episode of Mr. Currie’s that you should listen to.
Since I have been sort of beating up on Mr. Currie’s verbal style a bit, I will give him at least one compliment. He has one saying that is expressed fairly seductively, and it involves no coarse, crude, misogynistic, or profane language. The saying comes forth usually when Mr. Currie is playing the role of the good, attentive listener, and his guest says something very flattering to him or very erotic. Once the guest expresses a compliment to Mr. Currie or a kinky thought, Mr. Currie will simply say in a very calm, relaxed voice, “Ooooooooooh. Say that again.” Sometimes, in a very amusing way, Mr. Currie will say this same phrase over and over and over repeatedly.
What I also do like about listening to Mr Currie is his openness and lack of modesty which enables both himself and the interviewee to talk candidly about the subject matter at hand. His demeanour throughout the interview seems to allow the conversation to flow naturally for both parties to explore the topic and provide their views.
I still don’t think I could ever agree that Mr. Currie’s style of verbal eroticism will ever earn him the legitimate title as the ‘King,’ but after listening to him interview Brandi L. Davis and Kendal Williams, I can see why a number of American women would fancy him. Mr. Currie is an acquired taste, but I believe if a woman allows Mr. Currie to grow on them, he will soon be selected for the position as that woman’s own personal Dylan Daniels, Christian Grey, or E. Edward Grey.
I recommend this episode to Mr. Currie’s listeners not so much for the phone sex parts, but for the sexual feminism expressed by Ms. Williams and her wealth of knowledge and expertise in the area of the tantra lifestyle.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
6 months have passed…
Every part of my mind, body and soul are being awakened and guided to new places that I thought were reserved for only a few fortunate ones.
Kendal Williams wrapped her love and knowing around me one cold dark winter evening as I sat in a coffee shop across from her and poured out my tired and broken story. Through tears, I saw her gentle, knowing smile and heard TRUTH for the first time in my life.
Kendal has a style of coaching that is honest and direct, with constant support, through the lovely as well as the ugly. She listens, explains, shares, guides and directs with uncanny intuition and a wealth of resources.
The very next day, as promised, I received an email with a list of all we discussing, complete with easy-to-follow links for every article, person, website, and resource! My journey now includes work with her partner, Scott/Authentic Living as well as her daughter with Photography in Wonderland.
6 months have passed….and I am a new goddess
~who enjoys feeling and seeing my own body
~who asks for what I want
~who holds sensation without disconnection
~who can breathe energy into any part of my being
~who is learning to love without boundaries
~who loves self first
~who is expanding sexuality
~ who is committed to this work of transforming
I have open mind, body & soul for the next steps in my life journey with Kendal & Company as my guide.
— Laura N. Dallas, Texas (Orgasm Coaching for Women Client 2015)
There I stood before the door. It was closed and I had no idea what possibly could be awaiting me on the other side. My lover looking me in the eye while he asked, “Are you ready?” Yes I nodded as my stomach clenched a tad. Even with all my trust and love in this man I still found my heart beat pattering a bit faster then normal and my palms sweating.
He opened the door and all I could see was a beautiful space that he had prepared. Our Sacred Space Mat was on the floor, candles lit, flowers adorned the room. There was a small box that sat to the side that had something in it but I could not tell what it was from where I was standing. Leaning down he picked up a glass of wine that he had poured and offered it o me. As I sipped it he reached into the box and pulled out a blindfold. Turning to me, he asked permission to put it on me.
Yes, of course I answered.
Softly he placed it around my head and made sure that my eyes could see no light. Taking the wine from my hand he gently kissed me and asked me to put my hands behind my back.
I could hear the cling of the chains as he pulled them from the box. My heart pounded a bit faster now and my pussy throbbed in anticipation of what this adventure play would result in.
These were not just any chains, these were specially crafted hand cuffs with soft plush fur to wrap around the wrists attached to chains that could be connected to a bed post or each other as restraints.
Making sure that my hands were properly secured behind me, he placed a strawberry in my mouth and kissed my lips while teasing my breasts with his fingers. Taking his kisses softly and slowly down my neck, over my shoulder and onto my back he now encouraged me to go down on my knees before him. I hoped that my mouth would soon be greeted with his divine manhood so that I could suckle at him for a bit but without any warning his gentle touch twisted into a firmly controlled handle on my flesh as he bent me over onto a pillow, moved my legs apart and pulled on the chains as he attached them to some stationary item.
Feeling completely vulnerable in this position I found myself having moments of thought that made me question what I was doing, how strong my trust was and if this was even pleasurable. But all my questioning quickly ended as my focus was drawn to my clit and vulva where his fingers danced. Stroking me softly then more firmly I quickly found my body yearning to be fucked. My pussy throbbing, getting wetter, its muscles quaking at the hope, the desire of his entry. As if he knew what I wanted without words spoken he pressed his other hands fingers into my pussy while never missing a stroke of my clit. Unlike many times before in his finger fucking of me, he did not start with 1 or 2 fingers, here he just plunged all four into my wetness. His thrusts were dominant and strong and I could sense that he wanted to give me more of his hand and his fingers searched withing my cavern until they found the prize of my G-spot. Now he massaged on it, while stimulating my sponge and my clit all in harmony. My wetness grew intense until he could no long withstand taking me more fully. Before a second had passed, his hard cock was now in my pussy, his one hand pulling on my tied arms and the other in my hair pulling my head back with each thrust. My body quaked and quivered as he mounted me with more speed and greater depth. I felt as though I was a great gully once void of sensation and now in this intoxication through sexing I was nothing but sensation. Sensation that hungered for more….
More lovers entering me in this moment.
Here at the cusp of orgasm I rode sensation. Discovering bliss in the teasing of my throbbing pussy as it wrapped tighter around his cock.
But as all good things seem to go, just as I was feeling like I was going to toddle over and fully be enveloped into a sea of orgasm, my lover pulled away from me. I must have moaned in distaste because he came up to my ear, breathing hard and asked, “Do you want more?”
He tapped my pussy with his hand as if to spank it. Chills ran across my flesh.
His fingers once more danced on my clit and massaged my vulva. Now his lips and tongue took the place of his cock. So soft, delicate and arousing his sucking was. I found myself wanting to press into his face as if to be swallowed up or to have my pussy swallow him. Alas, this was just a game to entry for what was to come.
Four fingers thrust back and forth then a thumb making its way. Before long his whole fist had entered me. Such fullness, such rapture awaited. I could feel him behind me still on his knees as he pulled me back and forth with the chains. There I rock, thrusting softly, gently and firmly on his fist until my whole body shook and melted into sweet orgasm.
What made this sex play more powerful then any other time? A multitude of things. All items focused on my surrender to my lover and to myself. Granted many couple’s do not want to jump into the deep end and explore fist fucking or bondage in an extreme, but many are willing to play with a blindfold.
This is a perfect place to start and a wonderful item to keep handy in your sexing. A blindfold can increase sexual tension and magnify arousal; because when one of your senses is lost all of the other senses become heightened to compensate. Blindfolds are also a great way of showing trust and vulnerability with a partner. Anytime we agree to be blindfolded we are agreeing to give our safety, our bodies, our surrender over to our partner. And this is not a position to be taken lightly. The one handed this gift is handed great responsibility and must know that here in your hands is the heart of someone’s sexuality, empowerment, soul and trust not only in you but in life. So NEVER abuse this gift! And ALWAYS listen to your partners wants, safe words and body language.
Blindfold Play a Simple Way to Take Average Sexing to Gourmet
Food Play – Blindfold and feed each other yummy morsels such as strawberries, wine, chocolate, honey, etc.
Sensation Play – Undress your blindfolded partner and then begin to caress his/her hands, ears, breasts, legs, back, face, etc. Experiment with different touches. Try using your finger nails, gentle slaps, use feathers, a satin sheet. Be creative in your play and see what you have around the house that could really bring more sensation into your play.
Lip Play– Trace your lovers lips with your fingers while they are blindfolded. Then kiss them. Use your tongue to trace patterns around their breasts, vagina, penis. Tease their lower back with kisses and licks. Tickle his testicles while you gently scratch with your nails in a downward motion from his butt to his feet.
Temperature Play – Try sipping on warm tea or water and then suckling at your blindfolded partners nipples or genitals. Use ice to trace designs on their back, stomach or perform oral sex on them while you change temperature using warm tea and ice in your mouth.
Get Knotty in Your Play– Tie your blindfolded partner up (with their permission). Use ropes, chains, scarfs, etc.
Ask for Your Desire Play – Ask your blindfolded partner a question. Such as where do you want me to kiss you? Or what do you want me to do once I have you tied up? Or ask them to share a desire/fantasy.
Reward and Punishment Play – Tell your blindfolded partner to kiss, lick, nibble, suck on your pussy/cock, lips, nipples etc. or tell them to masturbate for you or to open up their legs, mouth etc for you. If they are good and do what they are asked then they get a reward (a kiss, a suck or lick of what they want, touched a certain way, or a sip of wine, etc.) if they are bad and won’t do what was asked then they a spanking (with your hand, a paddle, flogger, feathers, whip, etc).
And above all else remember that experimentation with blindfolds can be spontaneous. Make use of whatever you have around the house or with you to adequately cover your partners eyes.
Now go get blinded by gourmet sex!!!!
3 Keys To Mastering Female Orgasm
Sex. Sex. Sex. Sometimes I have hormones and the drive of a 16 year old boy. Other days, I am as disconnected from my pussy and her desire for pleasure as my dead aunt Martha, bless her soul. But no matter how turned on, hungry and open I am there are STILL a few key things that have to happen in order to get me to cum.
Granted some things are out of my lovers control and ONLY in my hands, but if I am staying body present, that is out of my analytical, worry focused mind and instead open to surrendering to my lover and to orgasm as well as already turned on then what I need, like many women is for my lover to be conscious and patient enough to take care of three key orgasm stimulators.
Recently I have been blessed with a tad bit of what I would call “okay”- “so-so” – sex not great or gourmet sex. You know not the kind that feeds your whole being, that brings you to a point of total interconnectedness with all of reality, and loads your being with all the yummie hormones that are needed for positive thinking, clarity, health and intimacy.
Yes, gentlemen who are reading this it has been proven scientifically that orgasm does all of this and more for a woman.
More reason for mastery!
In my so-so sexing, which happens to all of us throughout our relationships and life and for numerous reasons I have have been witness to something that I have always known but never gave much credit to outside of key 1. The other two in all honesty, I have always just breathed through and thought that there was not much that could be done.
I have learned through my years that only I am truly responsible for my orgasm, and with that comes the responsibility to witness, learn and communicate such things as I am sharing here.
So are you ready?
Key 1: Slow the f–k down and enjoy some foreplay or I will fake my orgasm to get you off of me quickly.
Its true, all women fake it here and there and one of the main reasons is because many times even the most conscious, adoring, passionate, loving partners fake foreplay. Mainly because of these two reasons: 1) Don’t understand the real importance of foreplay for a woman and for relationship intimacy and 2) sex is being used as a stress release not for connection and joint pleasure. In other words if you are using her vagina as your personal Prozac then yeah…no good!
So guys, if you recognize in my frankness that you have been guilty of one or both of these with your lady then realize that you are forcing her to shut down to you and the repercussions will come out in other areas of your life together and in her interactions with the world.
Foreplay is VITAL! I am not speaking of a few wanna be strokes of her clit either, then a jabbing of penetration with your finger and a singular caress on a breast with a kiss, no. This is NOT foreplay.
Real foreplay should be fun for both parties. It should be a turn on for both. It should make her honestly wet, not wet because you spit on her some to get your finger in her or used lube.
Foreplay is different for each couple.
In general good foreplay consists of:
* kissing on the lips, swapping some spit not just the kissing you give to our grandmother folks, I am talking about messy, heated kisses. Share your breath, share your saliva, share your soul.
* Fondling each other during the kissing. Run those hands gently and firmly everywhere.
* licking and biting.
* Massaging your partners hot spots. This is different for each person so ask where your partner likes touched best.
* Teasing with your tongue, kisses, breath, fingers. Yes get active and take that mouth all around your partners body.
* Oral sex. Take it slow and enjoy your partner. For many women, oral sex is one of the only ways they can get out of their minds and into body presence. It is one of the only ways that they can surrender to orgasm. But you have to want to pleasure your lady as much as you want her to give you a blow job and enjoy it. If your not willing to go down on her then why the hell should she on you? And if you want her to spend the time down there on you then dito back at ya.
* Toys. This is a great way to intensify foreplay and get ready for more. So break out some toys and get playing. Be inquisitive about your partners body. Explore it like it were a magical cave because it is.
Key 2: No Smothering Your Girl! Give her room to breathe! So DO NOT use her as a boogie board. If you don’t have the ability to use your legs, arms and core muscles then stay the f–k off of her!
There is nothing wrong with being close and even to get so close at times that you feel like you may squish each other, but if you are just being lazy and laying on her then think again. Her body will close down to you and orgasm and she will be thinking about how your weight is too much and she wants you off of her. That is all it will take and you will have her faking an orgasm to get just this.
Holding down hands is amazing, pressing deep into her is wonderful, but REMEMBER to adjust your position and know what her favorite position is as well. All women are built differently and position plays a significant role in rubbing the right spot for long enough to achieve REAL orgasm. For example: Personally I am not a fan of being on top, not for any reason other then I feel my partner the least in this position and simply cannot orgasm this way. Although, I know that my lovers enjoy the view and most likely the feel, so yeah you have guessed it. I either fake it, forget about it or have to work really hard at achieving a microscopic feeling. For me personally, I adore flat doggie style (where the woman lays on her stomach while the man penetrates her from behind pressing through her legs and into her. This position hits my G-spot and a few other juicy zones and I can cum almost every time as long as foreplay is good and my lover has some stamina. My other favorite is missionary, I get depth, can adjust my hips, can move with my partner, can touch and be touched, can have my legs in different positions and can kiss. This position is wonderful UNLESS I am being squished for a period of time, Then you lost me!
In order for orgasm to happen your woman needs to be able to move and breathe. If she can’t arch her back, move her arms, hands, legs and head some then she will feel closed and thus shut down to you and orgasm. Now bondage play does not count in this, but this tip should be taken into account even there. Remember that your woman is like the ocean in everything she does. She needs to be able to move.
Key 3: OMG, she is cumming! I think? Maybe. Yeah that is an Orgasm, yeah I am done. Pump, pump eww, goo, pass out!
This is one of the most frustrating events for the majority of women. So let me make it clear to all men reading this. Women are NOT wired like men! We take time and our orgasm builds up like a wave(s). We do NOT just pop!
So most of the time you “think” she had an orgasm when in fact, you teased her with the sensation of the beginning of one and then left her hanging and now she has female blue balls! Yes women get a version of blue balls and any of you gents who have had this painful sensation should understand the frustration, irritation and disconnect from your partner when you get this.
The tip here is simple. Develop stamina and patience. When she is cumming, KEEP GOING! Watch her body, breath, words. If you have done the other two keys then she should be able to surrender to orgasm and have a real one, but NOW she NEEDS you to be her knight in orgasm armor and bring her all the way into rapture. This will only cum from your patience and stamina.
Remember that on average it takes men 2-10 minutes to achieve climax.
It takes most women 25-40 minutes to achieve climax.
Depending on what is happening and what kind of orgasm is coming about the time does vary.
You can shorten the time by seducing her, foreplay, giving her room, knowing her body and how to touch her, varying the sex dance (don’t get caught in a repetitive motion of just thrusting in her, she needs variety.)and your stamina.
So get busy folks, but take your time playing in the vaginal sandbox!
Most Women Fake Orgasms because Most Men Fake Foreplay. ~ Bella Bliss
Today I read this quote in an article and found myself nodding yes to its raw truth. It is a shame that so many women have never experienced a man who could be present enough, last long enough or even have the understanding of what it truly takes to get a woman off.
Over the last few weeks I have been blessed with this topic coming up repeatedly.
One afternoon after our Orgasm Camp Workshop I was driving around town with my 80 year old mother. She had attended the Orgasm Camp workshop and was amazed at what she saw, witnessed and learned. She asked me if it was honestly possible for a woman to be in such raptures of orgasm as our model was in class or was the model just “faking it?’ I assured her that I knew first handedly that it was indeed possible and the way we women were designed, however due to many belief structures, our physical stress levels, our societal inability to fully connect and our focus on sex and orgasm merely being on the genitals and the friction between them that we hardly ever achieved this rapture.
I then went on to discuss a recent love making event that I had had with a long term lover of mine. I shared with her how this man took the time to explore, play and arouse my whole being. Thanks to this man, I have grown to appreciate and understand that a mature man is not just in to sexing a woman so that he can cum, but more importantly that his pleasure is bi-product of her bliss. The more he can build pleasure in her and bring her not just to climax and orgasm but to fully surrendering to him, herself and the heartbeat of the universe, the more ecstatic bliss he experiences as well.
This only happens though when a man is willing to take the time to lay the foundation. If he jumps into diving into her right away then she is far from being physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually ready for the event and it turns into a broadway play instead, where she ends up faking it because she is quickly board and empty from the event. No longer even feeling attraction to her lover.
Interestingly enough a few days later I witnessed a few episodes of just this happening. Pushing boundaries and wanting to educate myself I found my partner and self at a swingers club in Dallas. At first the couple’s were all shy acting, not connecting or mingling like I had anticipated, but then as the night went on, the majority of couples moved into the partiality private sexing rooms. Here is where I noticed ton’s of friction sex happening. Standing among the numerous hot scenes that were taking place I found myself going deeper into what was actually happening. These couple’s had gone from zero to 80 in less then 3 minutes and the women were going through the motions. This was obvious from their bored faces.
Two scenes stood out to me the strongest: A woman was laying on her back naked with one man kneeling beside her, zipper down and cock in her mouth while another man thumbed around her vulva and flicked at her clit. She wiggled trying to help this man aim his fingers better and get the right pressure but soon the man who she was giving a blow job to came and quickly moved off the bed to zip his pants up. There she was a whopping 5 minutes into what could have been a hot threesome fantasy being acted out and one man was already down for the count. Not missing a beat the man who had put in 5 minutes of stumbling around her vulva without care was now taking her from behind and guess what 3 minutes later was zipping up his pants. She moaned and grabbed at he sheets beneath her so that her lovers would feel like they had accomplished something but her face and body spoke otherwise.
Scene two: In the bed next to the above scene there was a woman laying on her stomach naked with her lover lover straddling her and penetrating her with great force and effort while holding her head down in an animalistic raw fashion as though he was fully taking her for his own, a man stand beside them watching and I am sure wishing to be part of this game. The man penetrating the woman was forceful, full of raw masculine energy but the woman again looked blank. Perhaps she was thinking about work she needed to get done the next day or items for the kids, whatever she was thinking about it was far from what her physical body was going through. Although she too moaned, made some faces and tightened her fists. Shortly thereafter a long, large groan came from the man and he pressed deep into her and was done. She popped up and acted like it was all good. 10 minutes of non-orgasmic, disconnected wannabee sexing.
Both of these scenes could have been earth shaking, fulfilling, powerful events for all parties, but that is not the reality.
If any of these men had just taken the time and energy to stroke her the right way, they could have been gifted with a woman turning into a true orgasmic goddess not just downloading zone for their ejaculation.
And here we have the #1 issue in sexual relationships: He comes too soon, she can’t ever seem to get there so fakes it. Time goes by, distance grown’s and the relationship becomes sexless. Thus resulting in numerous issues.
Want to learn how to prevent this in your sexing?
I can assist you with this and so many other sex and relating issues that are common place in today’s world. As well as teach you how important having gourmet sex is to the chemistry of the rest of your life.
If you are one of the people who believe that you have to have serious problems or trauma in sex in order to have sufficient use of a coach or educator then you need to read this article: 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex Coaching
“Jenny! I was supposed to meet you at the door naked!” the gorgeous woman standing before me said before flinging her arms around me. She was almost naked, wearing a thin, white tank that barely covered her behind. “I’m Carlin,” she said.
Carlin Ross is the business partner of famed sex educator Betty Dodson. Betty Dodson, of course, is the author of the insanely bestselling book Sex for One, and the consummate orgasm and masturbation guru since the ’70s. You might call her a founding mother of women’s sexual liberation. I certainly would.
“Come on, let’s get undressed,” Carlin said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. And if you’re there for one of Betty’s famous “BodySex” workshops, it is. I followed her back to the vestibule at the entryway of Betty’s Madison Avenue apartment, and I slipped out of my yoga pants and tee as she slipped out of her tank.
As Carlin greeted the other attendees coming in, I went into the main room, where back jacks were set up in a circle, each with a towel on it, a pillow behind it, and a tray next to it with a box of Kleenex, a glass of water, a bottle of almond oil, a Dodson Vaginal Barbell, and a Mystic Wand vibrator.
As I tried to decide where to sit, I heard someone say, “Jenny. You’re Jenny Block. We know each other.” I panicked for a minute. What if she was a PTA mom from my daughter’s school? What if we didn’t like one another? What if…
“I was at your book signing. In San Francisco. For Open. At Good Vibrations,” she said.
“Oh!” I said, incredibly relieved. She hugged me, and it took me a minute to remember that I didn’t have any clothes on. Already it seemed perfectly reasonable to be naked with strangers.
More women filled the room, and we all began to take our seats. It’s an interesting quandary, trying to decide how to sit naked in a room full of strangers. Legs straight out? Like a pretzel? One knee up? Before I could really decide, Betty entered the room.
I was in awe. Eighty-five years old and she walked in as naked as the rest of us and settled into her back jack as if this scenario were the most common thing in the world, which, to her, it was. Although she has taken a hiatus recently, Betty began doing these workshops in the ’70s.
Betty welcomed us and began sharing some of her philosophy about sex and orgasms and vulvas (not vaginas) and bodies. (Note: What we see externally is the vulva. The vagina is the internal canal. Period.)
We started out by going around the circle, talking about how we felt about our bodies and our orgasms, and then moved on to some breathing exercises.
After a few hours we took a short break, and then it was time. Time for genital show and tell. No need to read that again. It said exactly what you think it said.
It was perhaps one of the most profound moments of my life. Like so many other moments during the workshop, it felt tribal and ancient, as if we were gathered in the red tent to be gifted with the wisdom of our sister elder.
At the same time, I simply could not stop smiling to myself and thinking in my head about how nuts this was, all of us naked and peering between the legs of this famed octogenarian.
Betty went first, and then, one by one, we sat next to her and spread our legs as we looked into the mirror with Betty and admired our pussies. Betty would point out certain features and “style” each of our pussies for a photo.
I have a doughnut pussy, she told me as I sat with my knees falling open and my pussy lips spread wide. A doughnut because I have full outer lips that outline the inner lips.
“Your design is perfect,” she said. I’m quite sure I blushed. A perfect pussy, according to Betty Dodson. (“The Dodson,” as Carlin affectionately calls her, and as we began to refer to her too.) “A post-modern pussy,” she continued. I couldn’t help but grin. “And what about a name?” she asked. “Do you have a name for your pussy?”
“I don’t,” I told her.
“Cream Puff,” she said.
And somehow, something that seemed so impossible just a moment before was over and The Dodson was off on her next pussy review. I felt happy and safe and, yes, validated and empowered too. Having other women look at you, really look at you, is a powerful experience.
The next day we stripped down and circled up without pause.
“Play is the most important thing when you’re little,” Betty explained. “You don’t get enough of it when you’re an adult.”
And then, without any ado, Carlin, whom Betty affectionately refers to as her “stunt cunt,” demonstrated Betty’s “rock and roll” method of masturbation while Betty directed and commentated. The method includes vulvar massage, pelvic rocking, focused breathing, a vibrator for the clit and — most importantly, to my mind — slow penetration with Betty’s Vaginal Barbell.
“The body knows a lot more than your head,” Betty explained. “Trust your body. Our heads are monsters.”
After the demonstration and another short exercise, it was time for the main event.
Even right up to the moment where we stood in a circle in the center of the room, holding our Mystic Wands to our pussies with Betty directing us, “More pelvis; fuck forward,” I wasn’t sure I could do it.
But suddenly it seemed equal parts impossible and ridiculous to decline. How could I when I was literally going to be sitting at the feet of the master?
So I went to my towel. I followed the steps. And as time passed, I began to hear some of the other women in the room coming.
One of those women was Betty. I came to find out later that it’s quite rare for Betty to come during a workshop, and it had been two weeks since she had masturbated. I was thrilled that I could be part of the group that inspired her.
I staved off each orgasm that I felt coming up on me until my brain started to interrupt. Was I having performance anxiety? Was the girl writing a book about female orgasm unable to have one in this super-charged setting? Was I past the point of no return?
I raised my hand when I saw Betty stand up, as I had been told to do if I needed help. I figured she would hand me the high-powered Magic Wand and that would do the trick. But instead Betty Dodson, The Dodson, fucked me to orgasm.
She sat next to me, put her hand on my chest, and began to move the Vaginal Barbell in and out of my pussy. Instantly the sensations switched. She instructed me to keep rocking my pelvis, keep breathing, go with it.
She put her fist against my perineum. She looked right at me. She smiled and encouraged, and the tears began to fall as they sometimes do right before, during, and/or after an incredible orgasm. She stopped me from over-arching my back and blocking the power of the orgasm, as I am prone to do.
And then it happened.
Betty stayed with me the whole time, and I collapsed after I’m not sure how many small orgasms and then one grand finale to end all finales.
“Thank you,” I managed.
“Good girl,” she said, patting my chest.
I felt powerful and grateful, as if the greatest gift had just been given to me without the smallest breath of apology or shame.
The workshop ended with us splitting into two groups and performing a group massage on each participant.
I felt imbued with an energy that my body recognized as something for which it was desperately hungry. A sexual energy that could change the world if harnessed. I felt so lucky to have had this incredible experience with these truly incredible women
I went to the workshop because I’m researching female orgasm for my new book. I left the workshop feeling like I had been let in on the true secret of female empowerment: owning our orgasms.
And, yes, I had one hell of a chain of orgasms. Betty Dodson may be 85, but she’s right. She’s got skills. “Give me any woman, any age, and I’ll get ’em off,” Betty told us when the workshop began. Indeed.
ORIGINAL POSTING ON Huffington Post
WRITTEN BY Jenny Block
Check out her website HERE
This musing is intended for all the lovely women of the world but I am certain that many men out there will read this and for you incredible gentlemen who do please know that I would greatly appreciate your help if it crosses your heart to share this musing with the woman or women in your life. The power of this information is a must in our day and age and for human relationship in general.
For you lovely ladies, you are GODDESSES. Can you feel that divine beauty and power inside yourself or has the world of today so focused on the masculine style of living and doing masked you from your true grace and power? Let me ask you ladies this:
Are You A Woman Who Feels Stress/Tension/Blockages In Your Vagina or Core?
Let’s face it every day life is full of stress. If you are a mother like I am it can seem some days that you are lucky to get your teeth brushed let alone anything else. Add in the stress that many have of relationships that are troubled, financial concerns and pressures, career and any past trauma that may arise at any given moment it is amazing that we can focus on much of anything with out constant emotional or physical upheaval. All of these things when not properly processed in the mental/physical/emotional bodies can all lead to tension and blockages in our vagina’s and at our core. It is extremely important to cleanse, rejuvenate & reactivate positive healing energy to these zones of discord. But How can we do this on a daily basis in a comfortable, easy to manage way?
Are You One Of Many Women Who Want To Come Back into and/or Unleash Their Sensuality And Femininity
Today’s world finds us in a time of transition. We have so many men and women who are feeling lost and long deeply for real, authentic connection, yet do not know how to achieve this. Women have been programmed to believe that living in a masculine, focused, driving and striving for material success form is the way to be. This form of being has created a world of women who are more masculine then feminine. It has created a world where we women feel that being feminine means being overly emotional, unstable and powerless. It has created the idea that the only way to true success and value in life is to act in the energy of what men do instead of allowing ourselves the power of our hearts to create, dance, love and be women.
Sensuality is almost a lost art for many women. Many of us have become technical in our loving and sexing skills and are afraid to let our divine sensual nature out. Yet it is this nature that is our TRUE power!But how do we allow ourselves to be feminine, soft, emotional, sensual, trusting and do I dare even say it VULNERABLE in this day and age without losing ourselves to a man who wants to control or a world that says that we cannot or should not be this way?
Are You A Woman Who Feels Numbness/Tension or Stiffness In And Around Your Genitals
I personally spent years with this issue. I pushed myself to have painful sex with my partner even when I knew I would be in pain for the next week from it. I tried to ignore the constant onset of vaginal discomfort, dryness and even yeast infections because I had tried everything I could to heal these issues with no luck. And what I discovered was that every part of my body (just like yours) corresponds to my emotional and spiritual state of being. I discovered that all the creams, medical treatments and the ignoring of patterns only added on to my problems and were not real cures to what was actually happening at a much deeper level then my physical body. I had to do something out of my box of comfort to once and for all heal my body or I was destined to live in a state of misery. So what did I do and is it something that any woman in any state of being can duplicate for herself to heal as well? Is it something that can be achieved quickly, easily and naturally?
Are You Woman Who Feels Guilt/Shame/Fear Or Has Experienced Trauma In Your Life
Many women have stored negative and/or fearful emotions or trauma within their vagina yet traditional western medicine and styles of living DO NOT want to approach this topic. The biggest issue with the way many of us have been raised is that we have these stored experiences without knowing or realizing it, matter a fact we do not even want to accept it because it means dealing with our girly parts and that is just not acceptable. After all they are dirty, forbidden and only really for procreation. We certainly do not openly get education or training on how to heal them naturally or admit that there may be something wrong that we need help with. Yet we can accept without any issue at all that we get tension headaches, or feel stress in our backs, necks and shoulders. We understand that getting an ill feeling in our gut is a sign that perhaps something is not right, but how can our vagina’s have this inner knowing and voice too? And do they really store negative energy and emotions like all our other body parts? The result of ignoring this is a tense, sore, non or infrequently orgasmic vagina. So how can we heal this?
Are You A Woman Who Has Had Children and Wants to Restore Your Vaginal Health & Strength
Anyone who has had a child or children knows that it takes some time to recover from delivery. Even if you had a C-section your womb needs time to heal and restore itself back to a pre-delivery/pregnancy state. In general with daily maintenance it takes at least 9 month to 18months to fully heal from the birth of a baby. Often, during this time many women have a tough time doing daily vaginal exercises and do not fully understand the importance of them anyway, leaving them years later with weak bladders, weak vaginal walls, PC muscles, painful cervix’s and weak to no orgasms along with many other issues such a out whack pH levels, imbalanced hormones and what is known of as the mummy tummy. So how can you prevent and/or even reverse these issues and more without surgery or major challenges?
Are You One Of The Many Women Who Want To Experience Better, Painless and More Frequent Orgasms
Hard to orgasm even with a vibrator or is with a vibrator the ONLY way you can? Lack of interest in sex? You just cannot produce the lubrication that you use too so sex is painful? You wish you could feel your partner more but you just feel dead down there? These are all issues that I personally have experienced and I know through the coaching of hundreds of women that they are common as well. So are there treatments outside of pills, man-made lubricants that don’t really work and cause the delicate pH levels of the vagina to become out of balance as well, or other pharmaceutical treatments that can REALLY help in healing and curing these issues as well as stimulate better orgasms even G-spot orgasms?
Are You A Woman Who Wants To Heal Their Mind, Body & Soul Holistically
Through ancient Chines/Taoist and Tantric practices you can experience a fully healed, charged and orgasmic state of being in ALL areas of your life. By opening up to cleansing and removing the blockages of your vagina through a few self-practice treatments done daily or weekly at home you can have the life that you have always wanted. Restoring vaginal health, strength and well being. You can harmonize your emotions and hormones. You can discover better orgasms. You can heal vaginal health issues without drugs. Reduce PMS symptoms as well as menopause.
Yes you have the opportunity to learn these 5000 year old secrets of high priestesses, queens, sexually liberated women from deep in the heart of time that WILL for certain change your life and allow you to lead a liberated, shame free, powerful, orgasmic state of being.
So the ONLY question now is: Are You Ready To Heal and Say YES to YOURSELF?
If you answer yes then please note that there are two ways for you to learn these secrets and more for your vaginal health and strength. 1) Private Coaching with Kendal 2) The Power of Vaginal Weight Lifting and Other Sexual Secrets Workshop Email me direct to find out if a class in session soon and more about 1+1 Coaching. firstname.lastname@example.org
“I remember the first time I sucked a man’s cock. I was 19 years old and desperate to explore my sexuality (the high school boys always seemed too “immature”).
I’d spent several days anticipating my upcoming tryst with this man and poured over the internet for hours looking for the best ways to give head.
After memorizing what seemed like countless “Top 10” articles, I deemed myself an expert and set out on my mission for fellatio.
The hungry little slut was born.
14 years and (*ahem*) several cocks later, I’ve found myself even more in love with sucking cock.
The soft folds in my mouth. The sweet-acrid taste. The way a man yields control with every flick of my tongue.
It’s one of the most erotic experiences for me.
The other day, I found a new level of joy in this practice. My partner kneeled upright and straddled my face, while I lay on my back underneath him. This way I could work the underbelly of his head, as well as delight in the gentle curve where his shaft met his testicles.
It was exquisite. Licking his balls while stroking him with my hands, I felt like I was at an endless buffet. He slipped his fingers in my pussy, pressing up, warming and wetting me, as I reached around to finger his asshole.
The more turned-on I got, the more I wanted him in my mouth.
I wanted him to fuck the back of my throat.
My back arched as my pussy reached for his hands. His fingers slipped in and out in sync with his own hips. It was as if his cock reached down my throat and made direct contact with my clit. The gagging, the spitting, the squirting – it was all an orgiastic delight that made me hungry for him. I wanted him more and more inside of me. I wanted to devour him.
Until I couldn’t take anymore. I cried out, my eyes rolled back and my whole body rocked and rippled in the choked agony of climax. I was in bliss.
There is an exquisite joy in sucking a man’s cock – something that I think more people could experience if we can let go of the idea that a man has power over us if we go down on him. Nothing could be further from the truth.
It takes an incredible amount of trust and surrender for a man to properly receive your mouth.
I suggest we give up the power struggle, admit our resentments, forgive each other and get back to the good, old-fashioned joy of fellatio.
And so, dear ones, I offer you …
3 delicious tips to help you discover the joy of sucking cock.
#1 Do it because you like it.
The moment you start doing it because you want him to think you’re nice or because he ate your pussy or bought you dinner, you are LYING, and therefore creating a barrier between yourself and your own (and his) pleasure.
Truth is always the biggest turn-on, so if you aren’t feeling it, that’s OK.
It’s always best to move from your own pleasure. You will know the difference and he will definitely feel the difference.
And the same goes for how you are sucking his cock. There are 1001 techniques (some helpful, some moronic) on how to give head, but if you are caught in the owner’s manual, you aren’t actually feeling him and you certainly aren’t surrendering into your own joy. Plus, your unbridled enthusiasm is what he wants most. So stay connected to what gives you the most pleasure in your own mouth and continue from there.
#2 Slow down.
Many women and men make the mistake of grabbing someone’s dick and going to town like a spasmodic porn star. But that’s usually no fun for most people. Imagine someone grabbing you and thrusting away without any warm up.
So take your time. Feel his curves. Invite him out to play. Discover him.
There is so much to be experienced in the in-between spaces. Maybe you don’t even start with his cock, but gently kiss your way up from his feet to his thighs. Your honest and curious exploration will help keep your attention on him, but we usually need to start slow to stay present.
Remember: the longer the anticipation, the sweeter the gratification.
#3 Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Did I mention communicate? It is so important, for everyone’s pleasure, that you remain in constant dialogue regarding your and your partner’s desires (just don’t talk with your mouth full).
Maybe you don’t want him to cum in your mouth. Tell him that ahead of time. Ask him if he has any areas he doesn’t want touched. Maybe you’d like him to wash up before you put your mouth on him. Maybe you need to work a little around his foreskin before pulling it down and exposing him (if he’s uncircumcised).
Whatever’s on your mind, say it – and invite him to do the same. As I said before, the truth is the biggest turn-on. And when you know each other’s boundaries and desires, you both can easily relax into the experience and delight in the joy of sucking cock.
#4 BONUS TIP!
Not so much a tip but just a gentle reminder to …
A: lube up (saliva or coconut oil work great) and
B: cover your teeth with your lips at all times (needs no explanation).
HAPPY COCK SUCKING!
Candice is currently crowdfunding for her upcoming book “From 6 to 9 and Beyond: Widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism.” Support this unique writer HERE
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