Tantra is a word that is casually thrown around these days, yet many people remain ignorant to the true healing and transformative power of this ancient and sacred art. So what are some tangible benefits of Authentic Tantric Practices? Here are 10 ways in which Authentic Tantra can improve your physical health and intimate relationships!
1) Prolonged sexual pleasure strengthens the immune system by boosting infection fighting cells by 20%
2) Increases mental clarity & focus by stimulating and increasing secretions of the pineal and pituitary glands, thereby positively affecting brain and body chemistry
3)Natural anti-aging remedy, Orgasms revitalize the endocrine glands for more HGH, seratonin, DHEA, and testosterone production. (1.) Because Tantric orgasms are long-lasting and non-degenerative, these positive effects are multiplied. (DHEA is believed to improve brain function, balance the immune system, help maintain and repair tissue, promote healthy skin, and improve cardiovascular health.)
4) Frequent and powerful orgasms increase the hormone levels of oxytocin. Oxytocin is linked to personality, passion, social skills, emotional quotient, all of which affect career, marriage, emotional health, and social skills. (2.)
5) Tantric orgasms on a regular basis have the ability to alleviate depression, prolong life-span, strengthen immune system, and improve quality of life.
6) Tantric sexual practices have the ability to correct many sexually related issues for women such as:
Enabling non-orgasmic women to become multi-orgasmic
Enabling women to become sexually expressive and personally empowered.
Freeing emotional energy to use as fuel for life
7) Tantric sexual practices have the ability to correct many sexually related issues for men such as:
Enabling men to become multi-orgasmic and improve mental focus and energy by retaining vital essences lost through involuntary ejaculation.
Increase physical health, longevity, & vitality
Enabling men to retain long, strong, and powerful erections well into their old age
8)Can enhance relationships by cultivating a deeper sense of intimacy and connection
9)Can build and increase trust by regularly practicing communication skills
10) Heal sexual-emotional trauma and blocks to intimacy with orgasmic pleasure!
I felt called by spirit to receive a tantric massage session from Duncan and Kendal. I had recently watched a video of a duo tantric massage which left a huge impression on me. There is such power in masculine and feminine energies in unison. I wanted to experience it for myself. Being a tantric practitioner, I am the one used to being in the role of a guide, so it was a big deal for me to step into this level of trust and surrender.
I had not met Duncan or Kendal before the night of our session, but as soon as I entered the dimly lit room, I felt very comfortable. I knew just from reading the articles on Duncan’s website, his work is pure, from the heart, and the intention is for healing. This intuition was reassured in the first few minutes of meeting him. I felt immediately I was in trusted hands. Duncan’s voice and calming presence started the session out beautifully. He guided me on the table. I was handed a rose, one in which represented my essence. Duncan described, the rose is not in the same form in any moment, in fact a few days ago it was just a bud, and a few days later it will be no longer living. Does this make the rose less beautiful? The beauty of a rose comes in its potential of existing and in its essence, it’s cycle of birth, life, and death.
Duncan then explained that this session was for ME. Yes, me! And that at any time I could redirect the energy of the session. He told me that Tantra is ENERGY. Energy is beautiful. Energy is divine.
Then we entered the bath ceremony. It was the most beautiful display of rose petals and candles I have ever seen. I was to set an intention of what I wanted to release into the water. Synchronistically, I had an entire weekend of past wounds that had risen to the surface and I was ready to let them go. I stepped into the water, and was bathed with buckets of warm water trickling down my head to my feet. And then I kneeled down to my knees, warm water was gently poured over my face and head. And then leaning back into the bathtub, Kendal led me through a powerful meditation in a cutting cords ceremony. I was then guided to slowly rise out of the water into the goddess form, leaving all else behind.
I relaxed onto the massage table. Soothing, warm oil was poured over my body. Duncan & Kendal’s strokes were completely in-sync and so intuitive with each other. They took very much care and gentleness with the body. There was so much love in every stroke. After my body was completed relaxed and open, Duncan and Kendal began the yoni massage. The strokes for the yoni massage were very caring, gentle, slow, attentive, and organic. There was a very gradual build up of energy. Through breath and the massage, energy was created and brought up through the energy centers in my body. I had a beautiful emotional release.
The session ended with Duncan & Kendal placing rose petals all over my body. Each petal was filled with adoration. A full-body mirror was hovered over my body and I was then guided to open my eyes to see a reflection of myself covered in rose petals. A divine goddess of love. It was such a powerful image to witness the self in that state. A white sheet was then placed over my body and I then slowly awakened fully into my body once again, with the knowing I AM a goddess. I am forever grateful Duncan and Kendal. With all of my heart, I thank you.
Are you willing to do what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams?
There are essentially 3 kinds of relationships: Traditional, Conscious, and Transcendent. Each serves it’s own purpose. Take a look at the descriptions below and ask yourself what kind of relationship you’re in and what kind of relationship you would like to be in. Remember, some people can’t or don’t want to do the necessary work too get to the next level. Are you willing to do what it takes to have the relationship of your dreams? LEVEL 1: TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP
This is the most familiar dynamic found in traditional marriages and relationships. The focus is on shared interests and values rather than personal growth. In Traditional Relationships neither person has done the necessary psychological or spiritual work to bond either with themselves or another. This means that the couple connects at the personality rather than the emotional and spiritual levels. When two people relate from the personality or “I” level, the individual’s focus remains on him or herself rather than on the other. Each person is primarily focused on getting his or her own needs met which prevents the “we” of the relationship from forming. As a result these relationships often become stagnant and power struggles occur frequently. To remain together, partners in Traditional Relationships avoid looking at key issues, pretending they don’t exist. Many couples feel safe and secure in a Traditional Relationship. It is all they ever want or need and they can remain at this level forever. These couples will not naturally progress to the next two levels of relationship. Traditional Relationships end when one partner embarks on his or her psychospiritual journey and it becomes impossible to continue growing while remaining in the relationship.
LEVEL 2: CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP
When soul mates come together they join in Conscious Relationship. Soul mates are those who relate from the soul level. Though many seek a soul mate, the requirement for this kind of relationship is that both people must have done some psychological and spiritual work prior to meeting in order to relate soul to soul. In Conscious Relationships the focus is on emotional and spiritual growth both as individuals and as a couple. Those in Conscious Relationships are engaged in learning lessons. Their goal is to transcend the physical and emotional levels to the spiritual plane. As they actively work through issues together, Conscious Couples are increasingly able to lean in and trust one another to create the “we” of the relationship. One of the great challenges of Conscious Relationships is that they are transitioning from an I-based to a we-based relationship as they learn not only to work on their own individual issues but also as they learn to apply what they learn to the relationship as a whole. As this happens, power struggles occur. Though profound, Conscious Relationships but do not necessarily last forever. They might end when both partners are no longer able to grow together or when one person does not meet the other person’s Essential Needs. Just because people are Conscious Partners does not mean that they can automatically fulfill the other person’s requirements. Reaching the level of Conscious Partnership is a significant accomplishment and can lead to nourishing and lasting relationship. LEVEL 3: TRANSCENDENT RELATIONSHIP
Not everyone wants to do the work to reach this third. Transcendent Partners love one another unconditionally. They are “guardians of each others souls.” Because Transcendent Partners have mastered the art of taking personal responsibility, they generate their identity, happiness and emotional stability from within and there is no fear of losing themselves in the relationship. With such a strong sense of their individual selves, Transcendent Partners can fully surrender to the “we” of the relationship, forming a union where the individual is not lost and the whole is profoundly greater than the sum of its parts. Skilled in unconditional acceptance, power struggles rarely occur. Transcendent Partners fully support each other in going for their dreams. They live in truth and can share anything without fear of shame or blame. Transcendent Partners relate at the spiritual level and have evolved beyond the need to work at the relationship. Both partners are guided not by outer but by inner forces and by each other. Knowing that what they have together is enough, Transcendent Partners are content and can commit to one another for life. Transcendent Partnership is focused in gratitude and on giving back to society. There are few models in our society for this type of partnership. Conscious Partners can and do evolve into Transcendent Partnership when both people do their individual work. You have not failed if you achieve a Traditional or Conscious Relationship. Transcendent Partnership is not and should not be for everyone.
Gnostic Christians used to call their religion Synesaktism – another word for Agape – which means ‘The Way of Shaktism’, referring to Tantric Yoni-Worship.
One of the most important rituals was preparing a ‘drink of immortality’ made from menstrual blood, which is full of healing stem cells, which can actually activate our cellular capacity to regenerate and transport us to endocrine states of rapture. Or in a spiritual sense open us to the Frequency of Love and Eternal Life, transporting us to another Dimension – called Heaven, Paradise, Nirvana etc.
This ‘Love Feast’ or ‘Sacred Marriage’ – a core part of the Menstrual Mysteries – was eventually declared a heresy and women were barred from participating in Christian rites.
However the ‘Power of Renewal, Rebirth, and Resurrection’ previously associated with the Holy Womb and Menstrual Blood of the Divine Mother was transferred to the story of Jesus and his ritual of Eucharist – ‘hic est sanguis meus – this is the Chalice of my Blood’ – where worshippers ‘drank his blood’ to gain the power of Rebirth through him.
In most ancient myths and religions, throughout the world dating back hundreds of thousands of years, the power of rebirth had always been a blessing of the Feminine Womb – embodied and gifted by Sacred Womb Priestesses across many cultures. It had never been held by a man. Although there are many legends about the ‘menstrual powers of female shamans’ being stolen by male gods.
The Holy Grail, in its true original essence, is the Womb.
Women born many, many thousands of years ago in what we might called ‘Original Innocence’ – before many of our genetic capabilities went offline, held this power naturally, as a birthright, shared with their tribes in renewal rituals.
Since those times, once the birthright was lost, women across many lineages and cultures – Womb Priestesses – have practiced many varied ways to heal, clear and open the Womb, so it can once again embody the frequency of Love, of Original Innocence, so that the energetic and physical stem cell capacity can activate purer states of consciousness and activate incredible regenerative healing. This knowledge has been almost lost over the last thousand years, as it has been fragmented, scattered and deliberately destroyed.
Now it is desiring to return, to ‘renew our lands’ as the myths go.
Earlier this year Dr Azra Bertrand and I met with a top international research scientist working with menstrual blood stem cells. His research indicated they had the capacity to work ‘miracles’. He described how the first time he used Menstrual Blood Stem Cells he felt like he had been ‘reborn’ – an unfit man in his late fifties, he’d had to run around the block because he had so much energy.
Another research scientist in his sixties working with stem cells had experienced his hair change from grey to the black of his youth in a matter of months. Throughout the world, in secret, these experiments are happening – in China, Russia, India, and more.
Whilst women are giving their power away to patriarchal ideologies, taking drugs to stop their menstrual cycle, using cancer-causing chemical bleached tampons to stem the flow, seeing their Menses as an inconvenient ‘curse’ they are ashamed of, male scientists around the world are using the power to experience states of physical and spiritual high.
Isn’t it time we reclaimed our power? Fountain of Life will have much more to say about this subject in 2013!
The elusive female orgasm, what is it and how many types are there? For many years and still in some views women don’t have orgasms. EVER! Yet the majority of the world has come to the reality that like men, women are sexual beings whom enjoy orgasms. Matter a fact women are blessed with the ability to have multiple orgasms (waves) and it is uncertain as to just how many types of orgasm a woman can actually experience. I am going to cover the three main types of female orgasm here and give a brief summary of the other eight that are most taught in Tantric Therapy. As well as a peek at the two most powerful Orgasms that are highly sought after and needed for female health.
In today’s time many women claim not to have vaginal orgasms and this is very possible because of the blocked trauma that is preventing them of doing such. However ALL women are able to have vaginal orgasms once their physical, mental and emotional bodies are healed and united. Indeed, this type of orgasm can be tricky to achieve. For multiple reasons, one being, the vagina is not exactly optimally designed for maximum orgasmic potential — most of the sensations are felt in the first (outer) third of the vagina. Unlike a man’s penis that is sensitive all over the shaft area the internal cavities of the vagina are not. Unless proper healing and body/mind/emotion connection has been harmonized allowing for optimum sensation on the walls of the vagina. Experts and researchers such as Barbara Keesling have discussed the pleasure potential of the “cul-de-sac” — an area at the back of the vaginal canal, just behind where the cervix enters the vagina. Women can experience very intense orgasms with stimulation here. Some refer to this as “the X-spot. This area of the vagina near and on the cervix is very sensitive for the majority of women. However some are “numb” at the cervix area. Any woman who has had her lover press deep into her and push on her cervix most likely knows what this can feel like. For most women that have experienced some sort of traumatic, emotional experience(s) in their lifetime however, this feeling may not be pleasurable AT ALL. Instead it may feel like a dagger and the pain from the pressure may well up tears, cause instant anger, fear, anxiety and indeed a longing to stop whatever sexing is happening in that moment. Weather a woman feels this sort of pain or numbness while having the cervix massaged does not matter other then it shows that there is great healing of the cervix that needs to happen. Once a cervix is healthy and these negative traumatic blockages are released from the cellular tissue, a woman can experience endless, powerful, full body orgasms. The orgasms that come from the cervix are like no other, they carry with them a depth of soul, emotion and physical power that it is hard to describe. One must experience to understand.
Fact: In actuality, when most people talk about a vaginal orgasm, they are more specifically referring to a G-Spot orgasm.
For something so small, the G-spot has certainly managed to make its way to center stage in woman’s sexuality — and as with anything that is in the lime light it has stirred up more than its share of controversy. Some people don’t believe it exists at all, while others swear by its ability to produce unparalleled pleasure.
The G-Spot is a small area within the upper wall of the vagina, about one to two inches from the opening. With insertion of a finger you may feel this small area that has a rougher, almost chicken skin texture on the outer skin feel to it just past the urethral sponge. To assist you in finding it you can press with the inserted finger upward while connecting your thumb to the clitoris and acting as though you are pressing the two fingers together. Not all G-spots are in the exact same location however, somewhere within this region you will discover with present soft touching the G-spot. When a partner is looking for this spot pay close attention to your lover, she will certainly feel when you press on it. Some women have the ability to reach orgasm through direct stimulation of the G-Spot or gentle massage of the area. When the G-Spot is stimulated, the woman will often feel as if she has the urge to urinate. And, in fact, during a G-Spot orgasm, many women will mistakenly believe they have accidentally urinated. This is because a G-Spot orgasm is notable because it is usually accompanied by a lot of fluid. This is generally referred to as “female ejaculation.” Yet, the fluid is released from the urethral sponge area. When the G-spot is being massaged the sponge normally is massaged as well. Both of these areas can start out very small and even hard to find in some women, but once stimulated they can expand and grow to taking up a much larger part of the internal vaginal wall.
The same applies to the G-spot that was mentioned with cervix. When a woman has experienced traumatic experiences in her life time, may that be sexual abuse, abandonment, deep fears, loss of loved ones, physical/mental abuse, child birth or other events that can cause trauma to lock up in the cellular tissues, the G-spot as well as the Urethral sponge, cervix and/or clitoris can become overly sensitive and painful to the touch or dull and numb. Either of these reactions is a sign of needed healing and release of these stored traumas.
Once healed properly this elusive yet magical place in a woman’s body can bring great pleasure and fulfillment in lovemaking.
The clitoral orgasm is generally viewed as the easiest type of orgasm for a woman to achieve which is why it’s the fixation of both men and women in “getting her, her’s first” idea. Some women also deem it the most pleasurable, but other women who experience G-spot orgasm, cervical, or whole-body orgasm may disagree with that. In fact, many women believe that they are unable to achieve orgasm unless the clitoris is stimulated, even if this occurs only indirectly by way of friction from intercourse. However, this is often because, with most sexual encounters, women don’t get enough time to awaken their vaginas and the sensitive spots internally to experience orgasm through stimulation of them. If lovemaking was slowed down and extended long enough too really, REALLY arouse a woman before penetration, it is a safe to say that lots more women would be experiencing more than clitoral orgasm. As well as the healing needed that has been covered in other orgasm types. This too is the case with the clitoris. It is important to note that the clit can become over sensitive very easily and once this happens pleasure quickly becomes irritation and pain, killing a women’s hunger for sex. Similar to the tip of a man’s penis the clitoris can become desensitized as well. This happens from too much extended massaging or friction. Many women and men have been programmed to believe that rough is good on the clit, yet as with the case for everything, each woman’s clit is different. Not just different from other women but different in sensation moment to moment. It’s important to pay close attention and keep open communication flowing when in all of your sexing.
Even in self-pleasuring the majority of women focus on clitoral stimulation as to bring themselves to orgasm because they have learned that this is often the quickest and most effective route. However, the speed training of the body to expand into orgasm is not allowing for full sexuality to unfold and the liberation that can be experienced through orgasm is side stepped because we have lost an appreciation for slow, deep loving and sexing in our lives. Causing the majority of the relationship, emotional, and even psychological issues that many deal with today. This quick to orgasm societal habit that has formed contributes to anxiety, stress, depression, poor health and blocked trauma.
This orgasm is achieved by stimulating a small spot which contains sensitive erectile tissue directly above and on either side of the urethral opening.
To achieve orgasm here and heighten all sexual stimulation insert a single finger into the anal canal by about ½ to 1 inch, no deeper than your first knuckle. Then gently press this finger against a finger or two that has been inserted into the vagina at the same distance, begin gentle massaging while pressing these two areas together. Some women do enjoy full penetration anally, orgasm can achieved this way if a woman is first sexually stimulated and fully relaxed. She must trust her partner deeply so that her body can move past the initale discomfort and into the pleasure. Anal sexing is a slow moving, deeply emotional event and must be regarded with honor and care as to not further cause any trauma to the woman.
This orgasm is achieved by stimulating about ¾ of an inch deep in the front wall of the vagina. This area of the vagina is extremely sensitive and as blood rushes to it it becomes even more so. Often this area is over looked because penetration happens so quickly.
Deep Spot Orgasm
This area is located deep in the vagina just before the cervix. It is the deepest back wall of the vagina. This area may be numb or over sensitive if a woman has block trauma however. Massaging of this area and clearing at the cellular level can help induce powerful orgasms.
Some woman can reach orgasm by the stimulation of their breasts. Soft sensual touching, kissing, pinching and even a nursing action can bring some women to orgasm and is a great way to increase pleasure in foreplay or lovemaking. But again, watch for over stimulation.
Some women are extremely sensitive in their mouths can achieve orgasm while kissing or receiving/giving oral sex. The extra saliva formation that happens as arousal kicks up adds to the sensitive internal areas of the mouth as well as the lips. The direct mental link between mouth and genitals can be intense for some.
Some women can reach orgasm at the touch of their skin. Perhaps this is good reason many ancient sexual practices focus on massage and bodywork.
Some women can reach orgasm during auditory or visual stimulation, such as watching a movie, reading erotic literature or watching others having sex. This orgasm happens without any physical stimulation.
Two other BIG Orgasm Types for women that SHOULD NOT go unspoken of are Full Body and Emotional Orgasms. Both of these happen from a blending of the above mentioned orgasms and can only be achieved if sex is approached from a slow fashion and certain levels of healing has happened allowing for a woman to open into herself and trust in her partner to level needed that the orgasmic energy can dance throughout her chakra system and manifest as a full body or emotional orgasm.
While there may not be a verifiable “epidemic” of performance anxiety, many people are unhappy in their sexual lives because they worry that they are not doing it right. They feel inadequate and unsure of themselves, and somehow sex isn’t so much fun anymore. (note: we’re speaking here primarily of heterosexual sexuality, though the basic approach also applies to same-sex lovemaking)
In fact, while worrying about whether your sexual performance is satisfactory, meeting up with your lover for sex can come to seem like just another household chore, or perhaps some kind of final exam, which you could flunk!
This pervasive sense of doubt about your sexual performance has a further insidious effect: it makes your performance worse. When you are worrying about how you are doing, you’re not in the moment. You’re not enjoying your partner’s touch or the pleasures of touching him or her. The thoughts are whirring around in your head: will I keep my erection? Can I get turned on enough for him? Am I moving OK? What is he thinking about my body (OMG I’m fat)? Can I make him (her) come?
These thoughts are highly distressing, and distract you from the pleasures of the moment. Just a reminder: sex is (supposed to be) fun and pleasurable.Making love should be much more like play than work.Being a great lover does not depend upon hitting some kind of performance targets.
Part of what makes this so difficult is our cultural myopia about sexuality and making love. We partake of these cultural notions through osmosis, from media depictions of sexuality, overheard conversations and adolescent fantasies. Unfortunately, much of it is not accurate!
These cultural assumptions are simplistic, condensing the rich tapestry of adult sexual possibility to a few bullet points:
Sex equals penis-in-vagina intercourse;
This necessarily requires an erection for the male, and automatic lubrication for the female; and
It doesn’t really count unless both partners experience an orgasm.
Note that each of these steps indicates an expectation for the targeted behavior: this is where performance anxiety begins. What if I can’t have sex because of pain? What if I can’t keep an erection? What if I can’t make my partner have an orgasm? What if I don’t have an orgasm?
This is a tangled web. These expectations lead to worry about performance, which degrades performance and stifles enjoyment, resulting in unhappy lovers who don’t feel good about themselves.
There’s a better way to find satisfying, enjoyable and exciting sex with your Beloved. It begins with an honest acknowledgement that things aren’t going well, and a strong affirmation that you want to work together to create a more satisfying sexual relationship.
Since these cultural expectations about sex have contributed to the performance anxiety, you’re going to need a new framework so you can explore and express your sexual desires together without going to the anxious place.
Rather than stress about whether you are achieving the “milestones” of erection/lubrication, intercourse and orgasm it changes everything if you limit your focus to the giving and receiving of pleasure. Pleasure is a sensory experience, denoted by sensations of deliciousness in taste; good feelings in the nerve endings that sense pleasurable touch; the sweetness of special smells; the experience of harmony or melodiousness in sounds; the perception of visual beauty.
You don’t have to think about whether a particular sensation is pleasurable or not – you know it, in the bodily experience of a favorite food, sensual touch, a beloved song, an encounter with beauty. So it’s simply a matter of trusting your perceptions. If it feels good, it’s pleasurable. Our bodies are set up to perceive pleasure, with millions of specialized nerve endings devoted to this mission.
Making love consists primarily of giving and receiving pleasure – through word and gesture, through sound and sight and taste and touch. When you let go of the performance hurdles and deadlines and relax into playing together with pleasure, it is easy to relax into the moments which blur into timelessness.
But wait! What about orgasm/intercourse/getting off! I don’t want to miss anything!
Arousal, desire and direct sexual stimulation which may lead to the explosive pleasure of orgasm – all can be yours easily and directly, through this relaxed approach. Rather than straining to try to achieve orgasm, holding your breath and tensing all your muscles to try to make it happen, why not relax and allow your body to experience the natural progression of pleasure?
It takes practice to let go of a habitual anxious approach to sex. The desire for a quick fix is just another expression of performance anxiety, just another deadline you’re not going to make.
Optimal sexual experience occurs when partners care for each other, communicate about what they are doing together, and when they are relaxed. Relaxation is the foundation of healthy sex. Give yourself and your partner the gift of relaxing as you make love. Allow yourself to simply pay attention to and luxuriate in the pleasurable sensations you are experiencing, without attempting to go anywhere. Let delight wash over you; play with your partner, gently pleasuring him or her. Be curious and playful as you explore the erotic playground of your loving connection.
I met a pleasure based psychotherapist recently. When Janov’s Primal Therapy came along I seem to recall that he said that a therapist was a dealer in pain. So is therapy about pleasure or pain and trauma?
Nobody would go to a therapist to talk about how happy they were or what a great childhood they had; but it is one of the more interesting questions in therapy the extent to which we have to go in to past pain and trauma to clear it out. In our culture we have the “no pain, no gain” school of development. A deeply Puritan culture like the British is very suspicious of happiness. I can lead straight in to the arms of The Devil. In most therapies, both humanistic and analytic happiness could well be covering something up; even a manic defence against deep sadness. Of course this can be true but it is also true that many defences, particularly somatic ones, tend to block access to all deep emotions; pain as well as joy. This is simply because all strong emotions and body sensations are close together in their emotional anatomy and neurology. On a fairground roller-coaster the riders play with the edge between fear and excitement; screaming with fear as the car descends and then cuing up for another go! A father playing with a young child may throw them up in the air and catch them giving squeals of joy, excitement, fear overcome by return to safety. Deep sobbing and deep belly laughter are quite similar to observe from the outside. In the intense autonomic activation of orgasm, pleasure and crying can come together. Those in to BDSM are experts on the edge between pleasure and pain and how both can lead to altered states of consciousness.
Many therapies are very interested in trauma; particularly if that term is extended from single incident events such as an accident, or act of abuse or death of someone to include developmental trauma such as having a depressed mother when there would be many occasions when the required empathic attunement and care-giving weren’t there. In the past going into the pain was seen as the only way. Now with modern energy psychology methods such as AIT(www.aitherapy.org) that I practice this is known not to be necessary. Just naming the trauma and finding the location in the body is often enough to clear it.
So as we block pleasure and pain, when a client comes in for a session reporting that they feel good. Unless I am very suspicious of this, I will only want to move feeling good to feeling fantastic. There has been more attention recently to positive psychology and to the concept of Flow, (from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi); a state of being where we are not divided and distracted but fully engaged in life at that moment.
So while I will try as a therapist to stay fairly divided in my attention between pain and pleasure. I have a growing sense that working with pleasure and how to expand it and deepen it within our bodies and our neurology is a powerful way forward. This forms a large part of my book Tantric Psychotherapy that I am working on at the moment (see www.tantricpsychotherapy.com )
I thought this was a beautiful add on to my tale Serenade of the Boogie Monster. This allows all to see both sides of the story as well as the transformational aspects that occurred and are still in process. As with everything in life the path to enlightenment and expansion is never ending. Each step we reveal new aspects of our self and we see those in our lives through our new eyes. Our lessons are put before us so that we may expand personally but also so that we may openly share and have empathy for our brothers and sisters. It has always been through story that we learn.
I as the husband in this story would like to share my side and also take the opportunity to explain what I have learned. Perhaps in doing so some of the regret I have will wash away. I am still doing the work of discovering my particular issues referred to in Kabbalah as Tekkun. I have had a sense of not being good enough, not worthy, a very common human trait. Kendal had a very special spiritual/sexual love connection with her first lover. They where to run away together and he disappeared and left her devastated. She quickly turned to me wounded. For me it was as if God had handed me an Angel. The life partner I had been dreaming about. I could not believe she had chosen to love me and I felt like I could rope the moon. Neither of us understood at the time how much of a needs based relationship it was. The problem is anytime we are getting our needs met by someone else, if they stop filling them there is a feeling of loss. We humans when we feel loss strive to get it back, to get that need filled. This is where control comes in, what once was free we need to take. We take through manipulation, guilt, fear and sometimes physical abuse. Looking back this happened very early on in our 18 marriage and it is still happening today as my desire to be close to her causes her to feel controlled. Back to the story. My needs and insecurities increased by the fact that I compared myself to her first lover. He was taller, had a bigger penis, a better connection energetically then we ever had. I tried to make up for it through performance, to fix it. I would get her to love me more by making more money, taking romantic trips, fucking her harder and deeper and lasting longer. None of this worked of course. I would fantasize about our friend having sex with her, the two of us having sex with her. His penis was bigger so maybe he could please her and I wanted her to be pleased yet this surfaced all my insecurities. I could see and feel the energy she had with him. I needed to be the one to please her. My need would not be met, or would it? She was not open enough to talk about it and it would have brought my negative ego control issues to the surface like an atomic bomb, so she lied. I knew she was lying.
“Chaos is what we’ve lost touch with. This is why it is given a bad name. It is feared by the dominant archetype of our world, which is Ego, which clenches because its existence is defined in terms of control.” ―Terence Mckenna
An absolute energetic relationship death. We continued on in this dead end disaster for 13 more years before her soul had had enough and she did what she had to do to heal herself and turned to Tantra, Kabbalah, her soul guide, and other men in a desperate attempt for freedom. I am sharing this in hopes that someone reading might be helped and get understanding. I want everyone to know how proud I am of her and how thankful I am that she had/has the courage to strive for soul integrity. She is and always will be my spiritual teacher. We can’t go back in time yet as I work on my healing I reflect on how different it could have been had I the courage 13 years ago to do the work on myself. To open up to Tantra as a spiritual path and also to polyamory. Looking back the only thing wrong with my fantasies is that I wasn’t emotionally or spiritually strong enough to handle it. It’s a matter of consciousness. I look around at relationships and can see and feel the pain these control issues are causing. I am looking forward to having many lovers as I continue to heal and grow my consciousness. I hope one day to be lovers with Kendal again knowing all the negativity that would have to be released because I would not want her to live out of soul integrity to fill my needs. I can desire her love open and free but I can not need it. Currently I still feel loss, needs unmet. There is much work to be done so here is my shout out to the world, stop the insanity. Do the hard work. It’s going to be really fucking hard and your demons will surface, but the world needs you to do it. Dive in the water is cold but you get used to it and it is why we are here. To heal, love openly, grow, expand love, expand ourselves.
“The most important thing is this: to be willing at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we can become.” — Charles Du Bois
Any of us who have viewed the movie The Secret, read or studied A Course in Miracle’s or have done any amount of self-improvement may it have been in Technology of Kabbalah, NLP, Landmark or good ol’ Amway, are familiar with the concept that we need to let the old leaves of our old selves and lives shed so that we can bloom into a new reality of self and manifest the life that we are desiring. No matter the course we choose to birth this transformation, one thing is evident — one aspect of our life (self) must die in order to give birth to the desired life (self). But how do we do this? And more at question here is how does something such as tantra assist us on this mission?
What is Tantra?
Tantra is about the expansion of human consciousness. Just today I was listening to Sasha Cobra one of my favorite teachers and she was sharing the power of releasing traumas from the physical body. Even if you are someone who has not experienced a “significant” trauma (i.e. rape, sexual abuse, beatings, deaths of loved ones, etc.) you may have blocked energies and traumas from childhood programming (an over religious family, controlling, etc) or grown up where stability was at question, even past life traumas come into play and block our energies in current bodies. Tantra expands our consciousness through exercises, breath-work and bodywork by releasing these traumas, which completely change our thought process once they have been let go of. This then helps us to connect to our Divine State of True Being.
It takes great courage to set foot down the healing path of Tantra as it does any healing path. In order to access the holistic aspects of Tantra one needs to be willing to be “Naked in Every Way.” Meaning that we are willing to bring our souls as well as our bodies to a sharing of the depths of all the levels of our personalities. Physical, emotional, mental, energetic and soul levels. This is how we can achieve divine presence or union with the creator, the universe itself. Tantra is an ancient sacred practice that is laced throughout many world cultures that teaches us how to achieve this divine presence.
However, it is only accessible when certain things are in place for the healing to happen so that the union will manifest.
Safety – Vitally important that each party feels safe and supported in the environment. Proper boundary setting is a must in ALL relationships. When entering into any sacred holistic healing all parties need to feel safe and be able to establish what they are comfortable with and what their expectations may be for the events to follow. These boundaries MUST ALWAYS be respected so that healing may happen.
Responsibility – You and your teacher, partner must be responsible for your own beliefs, decisions and consciousness. Simply put, be responsible for the energy that you bring to the event. May it be a yoga, breath-work or energy based session or a tantric date night with your lover, be responsible for your energy, thoughts, actions and emotions.
Communication – One has to be willing to express their own needs in anyway that they can. Through words, sounds, or gestures. A tantric experience will help those who do not know how to lovingly communicate their needs to be able to, but participants on both sides must be willing to listen to and express when encouraged either by their teacher/partner or by their inner voice.
Trust and Surrender– Tantra is about loving, living and being. The above areas are there mainly to assist with helping the participants in the most important area of all, trust and surrender. Our society teaches us that we should not trust or surrender yet the only way to fully embrace bliss and the divine, which will expand our consciousness and weave together all aspects of our physical experience and souls manifest, is to trust and to surrender. Often what is not thought of is that the trust that we must heal and learn to embrace is not that of trusting everyone on our life path but of trusting ourselves and our ability to make healthy decisions for ourselves. If we have a partner in life then it is vital to be able to express ourselves and trust them as well. With trust comes surrender. The power one can experience with deep vulnerability and surrender is ‘Awh’ striking. To be able to express our needs, our pains, and our hearts and know that we will be accepted, loved and supported is part of any healing tantric path.
What tantra is not.
When I was asked this question recently by Dr. Michael Harris for a Blog Talk radio show “Is your love life FAST FOOD or GOURMET?” I instantly found myself examining the world and every aspect of life. Where is Tantra not? Would be a better question, however the point of the question is to assist in clearing up the ill use of this sacred holistic art. Tantra has gotten a lot of negative media recently and most of this is caused because of our societies Puritan heritage which even though we don’t want to admit it still shapes our social morals and ideas/thinking in many ways.
Tantra is not solely about sex. Recently there has been much talk about tantric sacred sites and much of what has been revealed is untrue of the consciousness of what was and is happening around the world at these places. Tantra encompasses all of life. It is about weaving all aspects of our life experiences together into bliss and thus increasing our vibration so that we come closer to that Christ- Consciousness or Divine Being (union with God or the Higher Self). Let me give you some items to ponder that are all very tantric living based, meaning that when experiencing life from a state of bliss, a healed body, mind and soul, that are communicating properly one might be able to experience. (real world scenarios too)
Imagine if you could be sitting in a board meeting and feeling a level of bliss that you experience when you are with your lover? Would that not be nice?
What if you could go to your child’s soccer game and be fully present with no worries of the work day to come, the proposal that needs to be finished, the house chores or bills? You were just there feeling, experiencing your child’s game. How would this affect your life and the life of your loved ones?
Imagine that in times of what seems to be chaos you actually could breathe deeply and not react in a nervous, stressful way, but instead approach the situation, no matter what it was with love and a higher level of seeing what was happening?
What if the one individual who you have the most bitterness toward you started seeing through loves eyes? Would these scenarios change your current reality into something more pleasurable?
Tantra awakens us to this reality. Sex is used often in tantric teachings to help heighten vibrational levels, heal traumas, unite souls, and teach about bliss, communication, love and presence among many other things. Sacred work is holistic based. No matter what path a practitioner or teacher chooses to assist their clients in achieving a reality of bliss verses chaos, it is all designed according to the gifts of the teachers and the needs and agreement that they have discussed with their clients.
When working with couple’s tantra does indeed go to the depth of full union often(for the client couple). Often, this is not in a first session unless each of the partners has been doing solo work and coaching outside of the union session. Most of the couple’s sessions that I do, for example, are focused on establishing healthy communication, soul appreciation, and breath work, basic tantric massage to assist in love making and in helping the partners heal each other through the body of the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wounds of the past. I also teach basic quantum core energtix , which focuses on the energy centers and aura field. Clear blockages and softening the kundalini so that it might uncoil in a healthy manner.
(It’s important to make known that one does not have to have an active partner or any partner at all to practice tantra or work with a teacher/practitioner or sex coach. That would be like saying you have to be married to go to church and read the bible. Tantra is like any other spiritual practice it is about YOU and YOU alone. Through the union of all aspects of yourself you further open to love and others. Personally I offer, individual goddess sessions, extraordinary gentlemen sessions, couples sessions, programs for all and sex and life coaching (in person and on the phone) as well many bio-energetics based sessions to assist in clearing energy and harmonizing the chakras.)
Through the practice of Tantra which is a spiritual science that makes use of the magical powers of our sexual energy one can experience a holistic healing of Mind, Body, and Soul that traditional medicine is blind too. It has been my personal tale and that of many of my friends, lovers, family and clients that Tantra in its paradox’s and social Taboos is perhaps one of the most powerful transformation tools known to humankind.
Listen to the October 22, 2012 BlogTalk radio Show
OK, so few enter the world of Tantra looking for enlightenment, or at least few enter knowing that they are looking for enlightenment. Most come for better sex, to find intimacy or to improve relationships. But perhaps all of these longings are ultimately for the same thing, a sort of deep inner urge for something deeper, something higher.
After all, perhaps the search for extraordinary sexual experience is also the search for death…not the physical kind, but a certain death into the beyond. Beyond everyday reality, beyond everyday concerns and worries, beyond thought…beyond mind…is that not also the definition of meditation?
The French, in their wisdom, call orgasm le petit mort, the “little death”. Perhaps an insight into the spiritual nature of sex, the glimpse of enlightenment through sex.
And intimacy… the craving to connect, to open with another. The fuel behind relationships. Is this not also the search for love? And what is love, if not a dissolving beyond self…is that not also the definition of meditation?
The great thing about Tantra is that if you step into it because you want to be a chick-magnet or score a husband, it doesn’t matter…it takes you towards enlightenment anyway, towards awakening, towards source. That is the magic of Tantra.
Sometimes I reckon it is better not to think about enlightenment…it is not worth getting too heady about, and one is bound to fall into confusion or delusion. Because one is trying to think the unthinkable, and this can lead to either feeling like you will never ever get “it”, or get all muddled about what it’s all about.
Even worse, thinking about it all may lead to a case of “doing enlightenment”, walking around pretending to be in the moment, acting out being non-attached…if you find yourself walking with your head above everyone else’s you are bound to have fallen into this delusion. Because, after all, enlightenment is about recognising our Oneness, not our superiority!
In Tantra it is possible to cultivate states in which one experiences dissolving into something greater than self, a state of ecstasy. In such a state a realization occurs, a sort of remembering who we really are. Or perhaps a forgetting of who we are not! Such states are delightful, and help to loosen the hold of the “illusion” that we are a separate self.
However, an experience is an experience, the very definition of it is that it comes and it goes. So at some point the ecstasy passes and we may return to selfhood once more. The great thing is that the belief and certainty that you once had about your own identity becomes softened each time you crack the shell open. You can open to new possibilities…maybe you are part of a universal life, an interconnected web, a oneness after all.
A pitfall is to get over-attached to the experiences, and to mistake them for something you are trying to attain. Then you become addicted to ecstasy, grasping over and over to repeat them or to cultivate a new experience. Experience can be seen as a mirror; it helps us to know who we are. But we do not need to hold onto the actual mirror, we do not need to cling to the experience. Tantra teaches us the art of experiencing totally and then letting go.
We sometimes carry the unquestioned assumption that enlightenment is an experience that will someday start and never end. We imagine one day we wake up and fireworks are going off, and we will forever see life though rainbow glasses. But if your enlightenment was a permanent mind-blowing ecstasy, the type that you generate from certain practices, it would be very hard to get the laundry done.
We often hear that enlightenment is very simple, ordinary even. Yet it is not the “ordinary” of mainstream existence, else we would not be seeking something else… perhaps this kind of ordinary is more the kind of the all-knowing twinkle in the eye. Nothing to shout about; a deep resting in what is, a light-hearted humourful way to play in life…knowing all is not what it appears to be. Ordinary but not ordinary.
How do we live in this way? The key is integration. The art of integrating extraordinary experiences into one’s everydayness. The fusion of the profound and the profane. In Tao and Tibetan Tantra they speak of this as the dissolving of all duality into the core, into the center. Yes, even ecstasy and ordinariness can meet, and dissolve back into the core.
This core, or center, is often thought of as the Source Point. The part of us that is Source; our un-changing presence. This might sound profound, but you can think of it as the part of you that was the same when you were 3, same when you were 21…and will be the same when you are 101. It is the witness that watches life unfolding. In Tantra we use strong experiences to build a deeper connection to this witness-consciousness. Experiences are depicted as Shakti dancing, and the witness is Shiva watching.
Some non-tantric paths of enlightenment encourage the recognition and resting-in of this witness-consciousness at the expense of Shakti, of experience. This is the ascetic path…denying experience in order to fall into presence, in a way it is denying life in order to know death. Tantra is not ascetic. Tantra says yes to it all. Tantra takes the life and the death and finds out how they meet.
So there is quality of enlightenment within Tantra that is, as Osho says “total”. When one chooses to open to all flows of energy, emotion and experience (shakti), one becomes so total with life that one dissolves into it. There is no separation between you and life. You are life. And yet you are also the death beyond all life. And you are the source of all life and death.
And you thought you were signing up for better sex and easy relationships??!! Welcome to Tantra!