In Tantra and Sexuality Coaching there is much talk about sexual positions and skills. There is also talk about the healing rewards that such practices can bring to an individual or couple but what is often over looked in our western society and teachings is how important it is to develop a desire for MORE, deeper, penetrating, unconditional and healing events (weather they involve intercourse of not). Tantra is a practice. Just like yoga, meditation, or any other physical/emotional/mental training that we need to practice daily or at least a set amount of times per week or month. Tantra can only assist a person or couple to the degree that the individual is willing to put into it. I am often asked when starting a new relationship with a client, “How long is this coaching/counseling/healing/etc. going to take?” Because we operate in a world that is use to deadlines and use to statistics we can hardly fathom that such deep healing and opening has no such box. There are many things that play a role in our transformational process, from how much time and effort we are willing to dedicate to the painful truth that we really have no control over our cellular or spiritual structures and how quickly they release blockages and programs. All we can do from this physical reality is take one step at a time in belief that we will succeed. Listen to our hearts and stay as open to ourselves and the call of spirit as we can. A KEY factor to any healing work is DESIRE. One must first except that they need healing. They must first wake up to the reality that life can be more, it can be blissful and that there is no reason to just except what society says we have to live by. We are Unbound! We are Divine! We are Complete! We are Powerful.
Living Unbound, believing in what may seem taboo, out of the norm or even impossible is what makes us humans so incredible! Yet we fear all of this and for many we allow society and past patterns/blockages to STOP us from living. This is even true when it comes to our love making and our spiritual practices. These two things walk hand in hand with each other and together are great liberators of the human spirit. But how do we start a Sacred Sexual Practice?
Sexual Practices can:
- Bring you closer as a couple
- Cultivate more sexual energy that can manifest into life force drive and creative energy
- Expand your Awareness
- Empower your intentions (goals/dreams)
Any practices starts with Intention! In a sexual practice you need to ask yourself and if you have a partner, your partner what you would like to set the intention of?
- Are you wanting to become closer as a couple?
- Are you wanting to draw into your life a lover?
- Do you want to feel fulfilled sexually?
- Increase pleasure?
- Create a dream life? etc.
Once your intent is set mentally, take a few deep breaths into your lower abdominal area, allow your belly to balloon out, I refer to this as your buddah belly. Pull the intent from your minds eye don your core, into your buddah belly and then as you release the breath feel the intent moving up your spine and into your heart where it expands and takes over your entire body. Do this 3-5 times, each time increasing the expansion of the intent. really feel it. What does life feel like when you embrace living this intent? If you have a partner at this time you should both be seated comfortably, facing each other with your hands on each other chests (heart chakras).
The next step to a Sexual Practice is to Activate Your Body. Activation is key because often in life we tend to loose sensation/feeling to life. We block out pain and thus block out pleasure. Sexual practices help people to regain sensation and reprogram the body so that it can full experience and express. Without activation an intent remains only a thought, but through activating the senses and learning to open up to life we can move toward our desires.
- Shaking the body
- Tensing and releasing the bodies muscles
- Sensual touch
- Thai Massage
If you are sitting with your partner this is a good time to take turns softly stating a body part. Start with your feet and move upward. You can do this is a sitting position or laying down comfortably. If alone slowly move yourself from feet to head while focusing on each body part. As you focus on a body part (left foot, right leg, stomach, chest, shoulders, etc.) tense it with your inhale and then release the tenion with your exhale. Once you have moved your focus through your whole body take a deep breath and tense your entire being then release. You may feel like shaking the body some. After you shake go internally and feel the vibrations of your life force energy pulsing through your physical being. You are activating.
Once your body is activated it is time to Still the Mind. Granted thought always travels through us the key to “stilling the mind” is to not attach to any of the thought. Watch the thoughts pass through as though you were watching a movie screen. These thoughts do not all come from you, many if not most are coming in from the matrix of all of life and time. These thoughts are completely harmless and can do nothing unless you attach and believe them. The biggest issue humankind has is that believe thought and accept it as our own. We tie ourselves to something that is not even a reality until we marry it. Walking down the path of commitment with a thought that is not from our soul desire is much like going to Las Vegas, getting drunk and waking up the next morning married to a stranger who is now laying next to us in bed and expecting the vowels of our drunken stooper to be endearing. It is very easy to attach to a thought and it is very easy to watch a thought pass by, but once we have attached it is damn hard to undo the legal abiding paperwork.
In order to manifest your intent (desire) you must learn to still your mind and NOT attach to other thought.
Method’s of Clearing Mind Chatter:
- deep breathing together or solo (when you focus on your breath and its flow you cannot help but clear the mind. You are being present in the breath.)
- Couple’s can spoon each other while deep breathing together.
If you are coupled, try synchronizing your breath, then alternate your breath. Do each of these 5-10 times. Exhale with an AWH, so that you fully feel your breath and also share with your partner that you are exhaling. This also opens communication. Breathe in unison.
Solo or coupled: Place the tip of your tounge on the roof of your mouth. Hold it there while breathing to complete the energy circuit of your breath in the body.
Breathe in and out of the nose.
Once you have set your intent, activated your body and then stilled your mind it is time to Arouse Your Sexual Energy!
Our sexual energy is the catalyst to our dreams manifesting. If you look out into this world you will see most of humankind suppressing their desires, their dreams and their sexual energy. Because we are taught that it is not okay to be sexual beings we restrict our true power of being human. If we were meant to be like other mammals on the planet then we would only mate for off spring and we would have a set cycle for this, we would not experience orgasm or ans joy in the mating process. A kiss or touch would not mean so much and certainly not cause the wondrous sensations that they do. But we were not designed to have sexual energy just for the making of babies! We were given bodies that can experience bliss and through our connection with bliss we can manifest our desires. We can set an intent, a goal or visualize a dream and we can supercharge it with our creative life force energy: Our Sex!
Methods of Arousal:
- Masturbation (but not to climax)
- Intercourse (but not to climax)
- Erotic Massage and Play
What feels REALLY arousing to you? We have our turn on’s.
If you are coupled or not an easy exercise is to bring your awareness to your genitals with your eye’s closed. Focus on your root chakra (men this is located between your scrotum and your anus, women this is in your vagina on the back wall), on your inhale contract these muscles and on your exhale release these muscles. Do this 3-5 times. Place a hand or your lovers hand on your genitals now (clothed or not) start to rotate your hips, side to side, back and forth, up and down as though you were making love. Add in some thrusting and sounds as though you were really engaged in sex. Feel your genitals. Focus on the energy/vibration that you feel there, the heat. If you want this is a good place to actually engage further into lovemaking if you have not with yourself or a partner.
The next step to your Sexual Practice is to Transmute Your Sexual Energy.
This means to move the energy that you have aroused and accumulated in your sex organs throughout your entire body. Simple ways to do this are:
- Touch Points (Acupressure)
- Muscle Contractions
If you are masturbating, making love or just practicing this arousal in a PG fashion with your clothes on in a group environment or outside in nature someplace, at this time contract your root chakra and hold the tension in the muscle. Breathe deep as you can into your groin and buddha belly. When you feel you can take in no more air, take one more sniff and then slowly exhale. Then breath in deep for a 3-5 breaths where you bring air in through your nose, down your front side into your belly and groin and the squeeze your root and let the air travel up your spine, into your head and out through your mouth. Feel your sex becoming more awake, ALIVE, Aroused, Unbound!!!!!!!
You can visualize the energy releasing from your head and spraying out into the universe, birthing your desires (intent) or if you are masturbating or making love with a partner this is the time to bring yourselves to orgasm. Remember though to not get lost in the physical sensations or thoughts/fantasies that are not part of YOUR intent. You must remain present and focused. Fully feeling, fully pressing forward with your lover or self into an orgasmic state of bliss and manifestation. Pull yourself into your heart and fully feel your lover, yourself, your intent. You can choose to release your energy here as you breathe deep and feel your intent manifesting or you can pause and decide to play in this space weather it be for a few moments with your lover or to slow down your sexing and take this incredible energy out into the world space with you and play with it there.
Playing in this Space is all about living and experiencing from the heart center instead of the groin. The above exercises can bring your sexual energy into your heart where it can be increased by 5,000 fold or more. This allows you to feel deeper into love and into life, expand your sexual energy and use it not just for physical pleasure but for creation of a dream life. In this state of being your body is naturally producing more yummie chemicals that keep you activated in a higher vibration such as oxytocin and PEA. These chemicals are what makes us fall in love, feel bonding and connection and open us to further desire and creation. If you decide to complete your practice in sexual climax or orgasm alone or with your partner you will be super charged from these steps to continue your practice and play into your day and out in the world. Feeling this intense yummie energy rise up from your sex and travel through your body, attaching it to your conscious intention and allowing the life changing vibrations at the cellular level to help you unfold your Unbound Dream Life will bring you into the playing filed of many great leaders of today and times gone by. You can learn more about the power of Transmuting Your Sexual Energy in in the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
–KW (Musing is an Overview of a recent Satsang offered through Tantric Transformation)
Poly educator Deborah Anapol addresses some common misconceptions about the polyamorous lifestyle.
Thirty years ago there was plenty I needed to know about polyamory, but not so many places to learn it. In fact, the word polyamory hadn’t been invented yet so I’d adopted the unwieldy but descriptive term, responsible non-monogamy, when my first book on the topic, Love Without Limits, was published in 1992. By the time my latest book, P olyamory in the 21st Century, was published in 2010 there were nearly two million Google entries for polyamory, not to mention dozens of books in a multitude of languages, hundreds of articles, a little scientific research, and even some reality TV shows. We also have more new language for alternatives to monogamous (or serially monogamous) relating. Consensual non-monogamy is the preferred term in the academic world and New Monogamy is being talked about in the marital therapy world. But whatever it’s called, it adds up to the same thing. Our cultural obsession with monogamy is going the same way as prohibition, slavery, the gold standard, and mandatory military service. In other words, life long monogamy is pretty much obsolete, and for better or worse, polyamory is catching on. Here is the latest information from the relationship frontier.
1. There is no evidence that monogamy is better in terms of relationship longevity, happiness, health, sexual satisfaction, or emotional intimacy. There is also no evidence that polyamory is better. So you may as well go with what feels best to you – and your partner(s).
An article reviewing scientific evidence addressing the question of whether monogamous relationships are superior to other types of relationships has concluded that there is no empirical basis for the common assumptions about the benefits of monogamy. The fact that this article was published in the peer-reviewedPersonality and Social Psychology Review (Nov 2012), suggests that research and logic are finally influencing scientific thinking on this subject. Of course, there’s not much research being done in this area at all, but the common arguments in favor of monogamy – including the illusion that it offers protection from jealousy, sexually transmitted diseases, and divorce have been shown to be purely speculation, and unfounded speculation at that.
For some individuals, monogamy is a better choice, for others polyamory is probably a better fit. If you’re not sure what would work for you, I suggest you find out — before you get involved in a committed relationship if at all possible since compatibility is the name of the game.
2. Women are not necessarily in favor of monogamy. They just don’t like being lied to, treated inconsiderately, and expected to go along with a double standard.
Historically, monogamy was imposed upon women by men who wanted to know who should inherit their property and assets. When inheritance of resources passed through the female line (matrilineal) this kind of control was unnecessary as it was perfectly obvious to everyone who the mother was. Later on, it was argued that monogamous marriage “till death do you part” protected women and children financially in an era when women’s employment opportunities and property rights were severely limited. In the 21st Century, most women are more interested in equal rights – to sexual pleasure and personal freedom as well as careers and political power – than in being guaranteed that a man will provide for them and their offspring.
Of course women are entirely capable of having secret affairs and shirking their share of domestic responsibilities, and perhaps we will even see more of this as more men adopt the role of “house husband,” and more women out-earn their husbands. The bottom line is that everyone wants to be treated with respect and to have their needs honored. Both genders have dysfunctional conditioning to overcome whether they choose monogamy or not. Win-win relationship agreements that are fulfilling to everyone involved and allow for intimacy with multiple partners, are just as appealing to women as to men. In fact, all of the early leaders of the modern polyamory movement were female.
3. Gay men are more likely than heterosexual couples, lesbians, or bisexuals to practice consensual non-monogamy – but they still struggle with jealousy.
Numerous surveys have found that gay male couples are less likely than either heterosexual couples or lesbian couples to require monogamy within their partnerships. Nevertheless, most humans, regardless of sexual orientation, are not immune to jealousy. In fact, as it appears to me, the fear of jealousy is the biggest deterrent to polyamory for modern couples who no longer have moral objections to non-monogamy. Often what it boils down to for gay men, as well as heterosexuals, is that the partner who has less opportunity for extradyadic liasons – whether because of perceived lack of desirability, lack of time, lesser sexual appetite or motivation – is the one who has concerns about being jealous. However, if the relationship is basically healthy and if additional partners are found to enhance, rather than detract from, the satisfaction of all partners, jealousy can usually be managed successfully.
4. Children raised in consensually non-monogamous families have been shown to do at least as well on many measures of health and achievement as children in monogamous (or serially monogamous) families.
It’s not news that many adults project their fears onto their children, and moralistic concerns about polyamory are a good example of just how misguided our imaginings can be. In my book, Polyamory in the 21st Century, I discuss both research and anecdotal reports which indicate that if anything, children in polyamorous families or open marriages do better than children in conventional families. Clients often ask me how much to share with their children about their non-monogamous lifestyle and I always encourage them to respond truthfully in an age appropriate way. Young children really don’t want or need to know much about their parents’ sex lives, but if parents indoctrinate their children with monogamous beliefs, those children are not going to react well when they eventually learn that Mom and Dad are not practicing what they are preaching. Children and teens benefit greatly from loving supportive relationships with a variety of adults, so keeping other partners hidden from children is doing them a disservice.
5. Polyamory is not necessarily easy, especially if family of origin issues and skill deficits are not addressed.
Polyamory isn’t a solution for a floundering relationship, but it can solve problems of unequal or different sexual desire in an otherwise healthy and happy relationship. The tantalizing pleasures of expanded intimacy can also be a great motivator for stepping up to the plate to do your personal work. Polyamory requires emotional literacy, as well as the ability to communicate well, set and respect boundaries, and keep agreements. Beyond these basic skills, polyamory is also a very rich opportunity to address dysfunctional patterns inherited or acquired in childhood. Unlike monogamy which limits your projection opportunities to one partner, polyamory provides opportunities to change patterns of relating with both same gender and opposite gender partners. For example, a man who had to compete with Dad (or a brother) for Mom’s attention is likely to have this old wound resurface if his female partner takes another lover. It may look like his issue is with the woman, but the source of his problem is his competitive stance with other men. Or if he has two women partners who each learned from their mothers that men are unreliable and weak, they may gang up on him and recreate his childhood fear of an angry and rejecting mother.
Few people imagine that they are choosing poly relationships specifically to work out family of origin issues which are less likely to arise in a couple, or to learn how to use jealousy as a path to unconditional love, but the reality is that polyamory can a very effective spiritual path for those who are open to it.
One of the ideas you have that I find most interesting is this concept of a G-Spot Self Massage. What exactly is it and how does it benefit women?
The G-spot is located inside of the vagina. If you slip your finger inside and just up a little behind the pubic bone, you will feel an area that swells with excitement. Massaging this area will increase your orgasm. You’ll have an orgasm that comes from deep inside and rises all through the body. It’s a much deeper and longer orgasm than a clitoral orgasm.
Now the G-spot is just one area. There are other spots, called inter-vaginal points. This energy has been understood and used for thousands of years in all cultures around the world. Much of it can be traced back to the roots of Tantra, Taoism, the Shamans, Kahunas and healers. It is the most powerful energy we have and when directed it can increase a women’s overall wellness. During the ’70s and ’80s, chiropractors, osteopaths, body workers were all familiar with these points but due to the controversy of these points, few practitioners worked on people. It’s obviously controversial for someone to be working on these points. Practitioners I used to refer to do [vaginal massage] no longer exist, so for the last 20 years, I have been teaching women to do these points on themselves.
Talk to me about penetration.
Many women believe that penetration is not necessary for a healthy sex life; this seems to be especially true in the lesbian community. This belief is not true. These inter-vaginal points are extremely powerful, in terms of orgasm and women’s health and wellness. Lesbians could potentially have better orgasms and be healthier if they would learn to incorporate vaginal penetration into their sex lives. Healthy inter-vaginal points cause a healthier pelvis, spine elongation, which results in better posture, better energy, less discomfort of pain, better organ function so you have less menstrual and menopausal cramping, better bladder and bowel function, and it allows the pelvis to be in a better position for more fulfilling sex.
Where are these inter-vaginal points?
The inter-vaginal points line the walls of the vagina; you can have harder areas and softer areas. Much like your shoulders are probably tight because of stress, and the back of your arm, your triceps, is soft due to lack of tone.
Massaging these areas gently decreases the tightness and tones the areas that lack integrity, bringing an equal balance to the tissue.
How do you do a G-spot massage and how do you know if it’s working?
The easiest way to do this is with a G Spot stimulator. Gently explore the tissue, you may or may not feel or understand how the tissue feels or how it is changing but you will still notice a difference in your overall well-being. Look for changes in your posture, your attitude and how you feel. For those of you wanting to really practice and understand that, you [should look] for tissue changes. When you find a spot that feels like it does not let you sink in gently, do not push hard; instead just gently hold the G-spot stimulator over the spot and allow it to melt into the area. If you find areas that seem overly soft, then again hold the G-spot stimulator over the area pressing very gently and you will feel the tissue begin to gain firmness.
What’s the usual reaction when you tell women to do the G-spot self massage?
Many women are embarrassed at first and then they realize that it feels good to have a place to tell their story and ask questions. I find most women feel a bit isolated around these topics, and usually feel that everyone else understands but they do not. Having understanding and control over your own body makes a woman feel powerful and confident which of course leads to enthusiasm and fun. You can do this alone or with a supportive partner. Your healthcare practitioner will not be the one to do these points with you. It really comes down to legalities, which is why no one I know does these points on their clients any more.
Many women come into my practice by referral or, often, sent by their partner. I am doing bodywork on these women, working on them through the external muscles and energetically. I let them and the partner know that if I work on them they will start to feel—and is that OK? Women often say there body just doesn’t work anymore and they are not interested in sex. As we know this happens often in long-term relationships, but way too often in lesbian relationships. As many have said, It is not that I don’t want sex, I do not want the sex I am having. So by taking control of their body, they take control over their lives.
Do clients report back to you?
Women who have practiced these points usually come back with glowing reports. They speak of having experiences of less back pain or no pain, more control of their bladder, they have a swing back in their walk. They also begin to feel better about themselves, which leads to a better sex life. Many women begin to work out because they start to feel better resulting in weight loss and tone. I could tell you stories all day long. It is very rewarding to see the transformation in these women, their relationships and their lives.
Notes from Kendal:
The G-Spot as well as the internal vaginal walls are important focus points for women to open up to and heal from sexual trauma as well as many other life issues and blockages. In my Female Genital Massage Workshops and G-Spot Healing Workshops both men and women can experience a Live Demo (sometimes even hands on participation). They can get questions answered by the instructors and learn in a safe and sacred space. This form of Show-N-Tell Sex Ed is a fundamental empowerment tool for many people on their path of sexuality and healing.
written by DIANE ANDERSON-MINSHALL
Sometimes you have to question the reasoning that people have to allow for such improper events to occur. What am I speaking of? Parenting choices and the personal level of respect that we help our children to have for themselves. As a mother myself this very thought topic effects many of my choice’s day to day. What sort of example am I setting for them? How do they perceive my happiness, comfort in self, self-esteem and love of self? Are they seeing a strong, morally sound, well centered, loving woman or are they seeing an ill, repressed, confused, emotionally unstable, blaming woman who cannot get through her own garbage?
The fact of the matter in my life is that I have come to a state of being where I am who I am in each moment. I am an emotional creature as god wired me so, but I am not quick to erupt or tormented by past traumas that I cannot seem to release to the shadows of a time gone by and lessons learned. The harmony outside of my physical body stems from the inner peace, self-love, acceptance and realization that reality is what it is in the present moment. I have learned through the course of time and many harsh lessons that I am perfect and divine just the way I am and in however I choose to show up in the moment. There is no need to make apologies for being. This is what I hope to share with my children, peace, acceptance and self awareness. But how do we share these lessons? How do we make certain that we are walking the walk of the internal guru? How do we really know that our children see and hear these valuable life models of being?
Let me share a story.
“It was a cold dreary day and the power kept resetting as the storm blew through causing our clocks to be off by who knows how many minutes. Mornings are always a quick moving, testing time within my home as three of my children have to be awoken from their slumber, eat breakfast, get lunches made, signatures in planners and the biggest ordeal, their shoes on. Like all mornings this was happening except with the time being wrong, we ran late and I decided that I would drive them the two blocks in the rain and wind instead of them getting cold and soaked as well as any later by walking. We get to the school and they say goodbye and I love you as they slam the car doors shut and make a mad dash to the front doors of the school. Just then my attention goes from mommy mode and taxi driver to a deep breath. As I inhaled my ears opened and I tuned into the radio station that was playing in the car. The hosts on the station were having a deep conversation about some of the current events happening in some of our local schools. They were sharing that a few middle schools and even a high school (I think) were passing new dress codes, as the schools had come to the conclusion that yoga pants should not be allowed to be worn as every day dress.
One male host shared his take that the parents allowing their daughters to wear yoga pants were just trying to be “cool parents” instead of instilling in their child a proper way of dressing and how when one dresses in this uncouth manner (yoga wear/exercise wear/COMFORT wear) that they are actually causing issues for others. The focus was not on the girls comfort and ability to JUST BE THEMSELVES but on how the boy’s in school were being tormented by the yoga booties and that girls need to take full responsibility for the boy’s reactions. “
What about jeans?
Who remember’s the perfectly fitting, beautiful ass showing Rocky Mountain Jeans from the 80’s?
Okay, so I get that I am not the average parent or individual for that matter in my viewing of things and how I process what the world brings to me. I get that I am far more open and a realist to life when it comes to everything especially my children and them growing up. But seriously, this whole talk seemed to be on shaming young women ages 11-18 for wearing yoga pants. And to this the shame that is being bestowed on this group of young women carries out into the world to ALL women. And effects ALL males.
My questions to this topic of shameful yoga bootie are:
Is there anything that does not turn on or side track a young man when he is in his hormone high season?
What is more empowering to young men and women: teaching that someone else is responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions (thus happiness or lack thereof) or that we are the creators of our inner world, it is OUR choice to focus on what thought, feeling or action we have or make?
Is socially shaming anyone or a group for something really benefiting the morality of the whole?
If a woman or girl who is wearing “yoga pants” is raped or sexually assaulted should we let the poor blinded boy/man off the hook because it was actually the girls fault?
By shaming a young woman for this or a young man for something else are we really creating a healthy sexual future for this person(s)?
If we allow tank tops, tighter fitting t-shirts, yoga pants, or whatever else comes up to be illegal attire for everyday wear for young women because it side tracks the boys then should we also start having young women bind their bosoms so that their forming breasts do not side track the young men?
How about we just cover young developing women up from head to toe; only allowing their eyes to be revealed so that the boys can learn how to suppress and get a grip on their hormones and desires?
The fact of the matter here is we exist in a sexually repressed culture. One where more and more people are turning inward and shutting down. Depression, anxiety, sexual issues, mental illness, anger, fatigue, and dis-ease are all at an all time high. More and more cases of people suffering from being bipolar, ADD, ADHD, and stress induced illnesses are being reported. Sexual crimes and abuse in many fashions are also growing at phenomenal rates. Our fear for the young women in yoga pants is that they will fall prey to someone who has not learned how to deal with their sexuality in a healthy fashion. We also fear that if young men are surrounded by too much mental stimulation that they will burst and become one of these ill acting sexually challenged souls.
As parents, teachers and a society we want the best for our youth but we really have no clue of how to create it. The reason for this is because we are all victims raised by victims and has been programmed to believe that our sexuality is the source of all evil. Okay so maybe you were taught that money was the source of all evil, well money and sexuality is what causes ALL the worlds’ pain, suffering and demise. MmmmHmmmm! Sure.
Pain, suffering, ill behaviors, war, terror, rape, and more are all caused not by money and sexuality but by power hungry ego thoughts that manifest into actions of control. When we start to believe that someone else is responsible for making us happy, providing for our love, our bliss, our stress release and that if they do not do the right things and give us what we “need” then they are causing us suffering in some fashion so we have to TAKE it or at least try taking it (forcing our will onto another), we have the true culprit of suffering.
By teaching our young male population that a girl should not do this, say that, wear this, listen to that or act some certain way we are in fact teaching the young male population that their thoughts and actions should be based on what someone else is “causing” them to feel or think. This is not being proactive for the self. We are also sending mixed teachings to young men saying that it is okay for a man to speak, do, act, go topless, etc. But not a female, thus teaching that man rules woman. In the same essence we tell boys to respect women and treat them like ladies, yet we pump our media, games and movies full of the reverse. We worry about young men seeing a girl in yoga pants and a t-shirt at school and getting a hard on but we have no worries about the porn he has on his phone, his computer or the virtual women he is in combat with that are almost naked and portraying women in a plastic sense. We tell young men to not act on their sexual desires as they are sinful or sex is only for marriage or a committed relationship, that masturbation is nasty or dirty, yet when we walk into a store or turn on the TV we are bombarded with sexual advertising and shows and games that show the opposite. The same goes for young women.
The policy change on yoga pants for some schools will not prevent boys from being sidetracked or have sexual desires and act on them, but these policies will go to feeding the sexual shame and repression that so many women suffer from. The next generation will have one more lashing of shame to overcome. Sadly the young men of today who are being tormented by this shameful yoga ass will in future years be tormented in a much more severe way. That once hot yoga ass girl will not be able to open up to deep loving penetration and orgasm with her lover because through the years the suppression of who she was and the ability to be comfortable in herself and in the pants she chose to wear will cause her to block physical and emotional feeling. She will need healing for shame and taught how her sexuality is empowering not sinful. That is IF she awakens to why she feels so lost, so ill, repressed, confused, emotionally unstable, blaming and possibly even suicidal. IF she can find the courage 20-30 years down the road to deal with her garbage that was tossed into her youth by a sexually repressed and ill society.
Some do, most don’t. Welcome to the world of pharmaceutical drugs, street drugs, alcohol, 70% divorce rates, affairs, domestic abuse and emotional whirl-winds!!!!
For some, spirituality is all fluffy and dream-catchery; our day‘s intention is to live with an open-heart and make smiley differences in the lives of others.
For others, spirituality is all about surrender to unfolding Source, personality annihilation and manifesting stillness.
But what about sex?
We live in a world with billions of sexually repressed women, billions of sexually damaged men and millions of people addicted to pornography. Many of those people would describe themselves asspiritual.
Something has gone wrong. The repression of sex can be held accountable for so many of our world’s ills. It is time to take a good look at the assumptions that we make about our sexuality, time to embrace some kick-ass spirituality.
For many people journeying a spiritual path, there’s much confusion about how to handle sex impulses that naturally arise. What does a student do when he has lusty thoughts about his gorgeous yoga teacher as she demonstrates downward facing dog?
What does a meditator do when she has the urge to masturbate (about a young muscular man at the ashram)? What does an internationally renowned teacher do when he no longer finds his gorgeous wife sexually attractive, preferring to indulge in his friends with benefits?
Sex is a mother load of work for every one of us.
People, the good news is we are all wonderfully sexual beings, for all is sex. Sex brings this all into being. The bad news, thus far, is that our patriarchal culture and a myriad of flesh-denying religious teachings have left us all with a sexual shadow.
How can we be spiritual and not sexual? Not possible.
I would describe myself as a sexual creature. I am also in touch with an inner yearning to understand what this experience called life is all about. I am a sexual mystic. Over the years, I have encountered many mixed messages from the spiritual scene as to what to do with all the sexual energy that flows through me.
Abstain? No. Embrace and share? No. Hide it? No. Tell everyone about it? No! Beyond the spiritual scene, in the world that I grew up in, there were even more mixed messages. Isn’t it extraordinary how sex is so out in the open, blatantly used in all media, and yet, it is so hidden; nobody talks freely about it. No wonder I was confused.
As a spiritual evolutionary, I was determined to find my way through the confusion. The essence of what I discovered is that this isn’t the time to pretend that our sex is bad or isn’t there. It’s no time to be guilty about something that is so beautiful.
It’s no time to bear shameful wounds that stand in the way of our wholeness. This is a time to embrace our every sexual feeling, every nuanced energy that moves within and to see it all as nature; a flow from divinity itself. Sexual mindfulness if you will. Sexquanimity.
I have peered deeply into the origins of sexual energy and seen that sex is the life force that brings everything into being. It is the most austere of energies that moves within us. Fellow seekers, let’s not deny that energy—let’s embrace it, talk about it, love it and celebrate it.
That surely is the way that we can return to wholeness. It is only when sexual energy is embraced and celebrated that our shadows will enlighten. Celebration of our sex has to be an integral part of any spiritual journey.
Wholeness is ours to be experienced when we indulge in all of life with awareness. Even those sexy, naughty, juicy parts of us that we would rather pretend weren’t there.
Om Mani Padme Hum
Original Post on Elephant Spirituallity
Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women and Author. His juicy new book “The sex god – No Mud No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love. www.amazon.com/sex-god-No-Mud-Lotus/dp/0957259603 www.benbelenus.com www.facebook.com/benbelenus
Why Show-N-Tell Sex Ed?
Why Live demo’s?
Why offer hands on training?
This is all to TABOO!!!!
Monkey See; Monkey Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am!
It’s one thing for sex educators to talk about sex or show you pictures and graphs on a projector screen. It’s another thing entirely when sex educators show you how to do something, and invite you to ask questions… Especially when it’s not demonstrated on a piece of fruit, but on a real, live person!
Human beings are very much wired with a “monkey see, monkey do” mentality. Many of us learn best by watching. Because we are not allowed to learn about sex from watching others, our culture has turned to porn for tips and tricks in the sack.
With the ease and proliferation of free porn on the interwebs, now more than ever, porn is influencing how we behave behind closed doors (or in the back seat of our parent’s SUV). The problem with porn, in my opinion, isn’t that people are watching it; it’s that people are using porn as a How-To medium.s are very much wired with a “monkey see, monkey do” mentality. Many of us learn best by watching. Because we are not allowed to learn about sex from watching others, our culture has turned to porn for tips and tricks in the sack.
Watching porn isn’t the same as watching a qualified sex educator role model great communication techniques, ask permission, check in with their partner, get verbal permission from them before touching them, and then properly put a condom on while encouraging the spectators to ask questions.
There are several things when it comes to helping people learn about sex that are actually more easily learned if I show you the technique on a living, breathing human being and you can watch and ask us questions – an audience gets to see what “real sex” looks like. They can pick up the subtle nuances that aren’t always visible in pornography’s tightly choreographed and edited product. The more real the sex, the easier it is to grasp and transfer that feeling good and being respectful and safe has little to do with DD breasts, 12-inch cocks and squirting orgasms.
Yes, it’s a bit unorthodox by today’s standards to invite adults into a room to learn how to be a better lover by watching explicit, live demonstrations, but the simple fact is that even just talking openly about sex and intimacy in an honest and vulnerable manner is not the norm. There is so much work to be done! And there aren’t a lot of sex educators teaching explicit workshops.” — Reid Mihalko
Learn to feel your partner or any lover in a way never experienced before. These workshops are designed to help answer your most sensual questions. Each workshop is designed for Single’s or those in a relationship.
“This could not have been a better Event and Demo. It was given with both sensitivity and information enabling me to be much more loving, respectful and talented with the woman I am with in the future. Great Thanks, Alexander, Kendal and Sharon” — Sandy from Dallas (Dec.2012 Female Genital Massage Demo Workshop)
Over the course of my career as a Sex & Relationship Coach, Tantra Teacher I have explored many away to help my clients better grow in understanding, overcoming blockages, shame, fear, judgement’s, body image issues, relationship issues and pitfalls, and many intimate sexually related problems as well as learning how to manifest a life that they desire and deserve to live in total bliss and abundance. One of the most powerful events as a teacher is to see your student/client excel and reach past the boundaries that they thought they had to remain fearful off. To see someone achieve their dreams in life and live abundance in ALL ways not just one idea of it.
Show-N-Tell Sex Ed allows for barriers to be pushed, questions to be answered and understanding at a much deeper level to unfold through the experiential exercises and Live Demo’s provided in a workshop. The expansion that participant achieve is unlike no other. It is a perfect solution as well to those who want to explore but are not ready for one-on-one bodywork or even a couple’s session. The ability to view and possible do some hands on learning opens gateways of education. Although Show-N-Tell Sex Ed is still a taboo for many people in society I think an easy to digest way to look at it is through the artists eye not the pornographic eye.
Anyone who takes a college art class would not be surprised or feel it taboo to have a live nude model come in to the classroom for all the students to view and draw or mold a piece of art after. This is a NORM in the classroom, just as with many educational practices for doctors to view, handle and even explore on a nude or partially nude model. I mean do you really think that a Gyno just learns out of a book and from some video’s? No, hands on learning, show-n-tell experiences, this is where the true are of education and understanding happens.
” I did not know it was possible for a man to have a full body orgasm and not come. This workshop taught me techniques that I never knew about in all of my love-making history. Thank you Kendal and Alexander.” — Debbie (Jan. 2013 Male Genital Massage Demo Workshop)
Why is it that we as a society believe that we don’t need a deeper understanding of one of the most intimate, important and powerful parts of our lives as humans? Why do we put our sexuality and loving on the back burner? Why do we think a book is the only way to expand our sexual understanding? And who really believes that there is some set format to learning about these intimate matters of our human experience?
No matter where you are in the world if you have the opportunity to explore a Show-N-Tell Sex Ed Workshop from a Coach/teacher DO!!!! Your life will only improve as well as your love skills!
Let the Artist of your bedroom out to play TODAY!!!!