My Thai-Tantra Transformation by Brian L.

Image from

When I booked what was to be my fifth massage with Kendal, she asked me what kind of session I was interested in receiving. I asked for her recommendation, adding that I was open to creativity. I had never been previously disappointed with Kendal’s services, in fact, quite the opposite. She had always far surpassed my expectations. Knowing she possesses an unusually creative mind, I felt sure she would have something special planned for me.

As is normally the case before arriving at my sessions, the anticipation of being under the care of Kendal’s skillful hands is one of my most favorite things to look forward to. I arrived and entered her session room and, as my eyes adjusted to the peaceful candlelit darkness in the room, was received with a warm smile, a sincere hug and pleasant conversation. Kendal works hard to create an inviting sense of well being from the very start.

I looked around the room and noticed the usual massage table was missing and in its place saw a thick sheet-covered mat on the floor. We spent a few quiet minutes talking about everyday life. She then told me that she would like to give me a Thai-Tantra Bodywork session. I have learned to surrender myself to Kendal’s plans for me – she always seems to be in tune with my spirit. She then came face-to-face with me and took my hands in hers and laid them on her chest. She asked me to take seven deep breaths while she checked my chakra with her hands, noticing those areas of my body that might need special care or muscles that seemed tight. Just the experience of breathing deep relaxed me immensely. Feeling her energy close to mine brought a sense of calm that was instantly comforting.

She removed my clothes and asked me to do likewise with her clothing. She then instructed me to sit down with her on the mat. Facing me, she draped her legs over mine and leaned into me asking me to again take several deep breaths. This was the beginning of my transformation. In an instant I was one with her in intimacy, skin to skin – not so much sexually at this point – but feeling a closeness that was nurturing and wholesome. As we sat together in silence, I could smell her skin and feel her breath as her hands gently glided over my body.

After several minutes in this position, she moved behind me and leaned back against a pillow at the base of the wall. She then asked me to lie back and put my entire weight against her warm body. My form melted into hers as her soft hands caressed my shoulders, stomach, arms and face from behind. I couldn’t help but continue to take deep breaths since it seemed natural in this peaceful and loving position. I remember resigning any shyness or hesitancy to Kendal’s loving embraces and caresses.

Completely at peace, I could have remained with her in this position, but after several minutes was asked to lie on the mat choosing either face down for face up. I chose face down. Kendal moved the bowl of hot coconut oil close to the mat and I lay down completely relaxed and ready to receive her loving attention.

The instant Kendal’s magic hands dipped into the hot oil and dripped it onto my skin I was in rapture. She was sitting to one side on the mat as her hands firmly glided up my back to my neck and shoulders and down my arms to the tips of my fingers and back again. Cupping more hot oil in her hands she massaged my buttocks, working down my legs to my feet and toes. Kendal’s entire body moved in tandem with her hands allowing her long blonde hair to occasionally brush over me – a sensation that I found incredibly sensuous. By this point, every nerve in my skin was alive, every muscle met with perfect pressure. Because the mat was on the floor Kendal easily moved to any position over me where she could best perform her magic.

I was reminded that she too was naked when parts of Kendal’s body – her arms, breasts, thighs, legs and stomach gently connected and slid over my body. Still on my stomach, she used her strong, sensitive hands to work the muscles of my inner thighs causing me to become immediately aroused. Just when I thought it was not possible to feel any more connected with her, she slid her oiled body completely on top of mine and lay quietly with me for a minute or so. I remember being overcome with peace and, at the same time, intense desire.

She worked her fingers around my buttocks, along my perineum and into the delicate folds of my scrotum, reaching under me and between my legs to slide her hand up the front of my groin teasing my lingam and heightening my arousal to new levels. She then asked me to turn over and lie on my back.

I placed my head on a pillow as she poured hot oil onto my body and, using her sensitive hands and strong forearms, skillfully concentrated on particular muscles. By now I was fully aroused. Occasionally, her fingers, or hair would lightly brush my lingam sending electricity through my entire body. When she had carefully attended to every part – neck, chest stomach, thighs, calves and feet – she poured hot oil directly on my lingam and scrotum and began the most delicious sensual massage I have ever experienced. I could see her beautiful form in the subtle candlelight as she focused on my total arousal and pleasure, bringing me several times to the brink of ejaculation only to move her hands away to rub my chest and legs – prolonging my ecstasy.

Finally, I gave in to her skillful caresses and exploded with a force uncommon to me. I recall telling Kendal afterwards as I lay on her mat how amazing she is and that I couldn’t remember feeling so completely relaxed. Even after ejaculation, Kendal continued to gently massage me from head to toe as we talked about this incredible experience and the heightened awareness she created using my own sensuality. After about 10 minutes, she wrapped the sheet around me and carefully absorbed the massage oils. Even this was an act of love. Loving is a good word to describe Kendal. What she does is so much more than sensual – it is healing, nurturing and giving.

She dressed me and got herself dressed. Before I left, I embraced her for about 20 seconds, one of my favorite parts of the experience, and reluctantly stepped out of her room back into my bright world with a sense of satisfaction that is hard to describe – already thinking about scheduling my next session. Once again, I am filled with anticipation.


***Notes from Kendal:

This session is for qualifying Extraordinary Gentlemen ONLY. There are no sexual connections happening or mutual touching. This is a very deep interspective expereince for the client where he may touch his inner child, feel nurtured and unconditionally loved while at the same time expereince internal desires and passions awakening as he learns to release emotional and psychological blockages that might be negatively effecting his life in a multitude of ways. This session is also not always done with the practitioner being nude.




Circumsizing the Heart

Recently I experienced truly being made love to. A deep penetration and opening into a transformative healing bliss.  It has been years since I felt anything remotely close to this event and if I am completely honest with myself I believe that I perhaps have never been touched so deeply by such pureness before.

I read once in a David Deida book (uncertain which one) that a woman will stay in love with a man even though they are no longer physically together until another man can penetrate her deeper with his love then the prior. Deida is NOT referring to the size of a man’s cock here; he is referring to the ability to open a woman into love. Sometimes a man will use all his tools to do this but the most important one is his heart.  Connecting heart chakra to heart chakra he breathes’s into his woman. Causing her to be breathless and surrender into something deeper than a physical connection. Sex is not always needed for this depth of loving. Matter a fact, as I am about to share my tale with you, the connection and trust building, unconditional loving that happens without the sexual union is profound and very Tantric.

“Being of curious nature and having my soul cry out for me to follow my heart and explore what I already knew was there but was having trouble logically explaining I decided to be daring and have lunch with a young man who had captivated me from the first time we met. This was not our first lunch. It was obvious that we had shared feelings toward each other; yet I am curious with caution. We ate, we enjoyed conversation, we looked into each other’s eyes and we laughed at each other’s silliness and imperfect joke telling skills. Nerves a wreck for both parties. As the time went by the sexual energy heated up between us without physical connection or words to help guide it. It just was there. Not long later, I found myself feeling alive; it was an incredible energetic vibration of life force that took over my whole being, stronger than any energy that I experience in my session work even. There I lay, on my back, breathless from his kisses. Wanting him to take me, wanting to be fucked wide open by this man. Wanting him to heal my wounds with his love. To penetrate me in ALL ways. And scared out of my mind of what that could mean. Each kiss brought with it more depth, more connection. His hands on my face, in my hair, touching my neck. His body leaning on mine as he braced himself over me. I could feel all of him wanting to be with me physically. His arousal at that level was only elevating my own.

Time seemed to stop. The world and all that it would have us long to achieve no longer mattered. As he pressed himself into me withhis heart chakra I felt myself.  I have been birthing myself for some time now, but in this moment with his presence and ability to hold space and give powerful love I truly discovered a deep abiding love. It has always been in there, it is there for each of us. As the tears swelled in my eyes, and gently slid down my cheeks I could feel soft rain drops from his eyes cascading down on me as well. I opened my eyes to look into his. A smile on his face, his chest hot from the energy passing between us. I could feel the protective shields of my heart being circumcised and my nakedness of soul as Rumi would poetically title it being revealed. Was I revealing myself in total vulnerability to him in this moment? Yes. But more importantly I was seeing myself for the first time in a long while. There we were two physically separate beings yet I felt as though I had remembered and returned home to the deep being that I already was. I was united with this man, with the world and all her peoples. It was unity of soul. Each beat of my heart stripping away the clothes of my stories.

The pain in my chest was almost unbearable in this moment. I could feel my heart literally bursting in the light of love. I could feel him connected and his heart reacting similar. My chest soft, my lips slightly open. This bliss, this pain of circumcision that was healing, cleansing my core being was divine. It was pure and it was unconditional loving. Our souls seeing themselves in another and entwining in this dance, loving us wide open if we were willing to allow it.”

The depth of intensity and love found between us in this moment exceeded what our world is taught to believe love is. The physical act of sexing was not needed.  We were experiencing oneness, a deep caring and seeing ourselves within each other. Through this reunification of ours souls we each sailed in new waters,
discovering that the waves of love we felt toward each other were always
harbored within ourselves.  The truth of this love was revealed in this moment because we could each step outside of our selfish natures of ego and love penetratingly without the need for sexual release.

99.9% of our world believes that they are in love when in fact they are in desperate need. This is because we have been lead to believe that love is all about us and our needs. When in fact need is the exact opposite of actual true love. They could not contradict each other anymore. When we try and fulfill our own needs instead of find love we search for love in all the wrong places, find ourselves attracted to all the wrong people, unhappy and unfulfilled within our relationships. Our hunt to satisfy our needs masked by the beautiful thought of love causes our destruction; it is the root to divorce and break ups; pain and anger.

According to the ancient spiritual technology of Kabbalah the mystery of love can be broken down within the word itself: LOVE


Let’s look at the numbers. A.K.A  Numerology. Now I know that many of my
readers may not even believe in such a supposed hocus pocus thing as
numerology, but please just humor me here.

Have you ever taken a sip of distilled water? Distilled water is free of all impurities.  A process called distillation, which involves boiling the liquid and letting the steam condense into water again, filters out all contaminants. The end result is untainted, undeniably thirst-quenching H20.

This is the same as numerology. Through the process we can distill words down to their purest meanings.  Numerology teaches us that every word has a numeric value associated with it, based on the letters it contains. This value enables us to grasp and understand the inherent meaning of the word.

When we as humans try to define love, we do so through the lens of personal experience. The benefit of numerology is that it leaves nothing to interpretation.

In the ancient language of Aramaic, a pure and original root language the word love has the numerical value of thirteen. The word ONE has the same numerical value as well as the word CARE. Let’s look at these three words and what their essential bond is. “When we experience oneness – when we truly care for another as we care for ourselves – this is love.” (Kabbalah on love by Yehuda Berg) In order to do this we have to be willing to open ourselves. This means to become vulnerable and seen. We more importantly have to be willing to see the mirror image of our soul in another. This is the breaking down of the labeling of separateness that we have been programmed to see. The love we each hope and search for has never been anywhere outside of ourselves, but the way we can experience this great love of self is revealed in the mirror while we lay in the arms of our lover.


As we soul gaze and take in the light reflections in their eyes we see the twinkle of our light flashing back at us. Each time we place our hand on their chest and breathe deeply, feeling their heart beats and flesh we are actually feeling our own. We may each carry a heart in a physical form but we come to realize that we are not the sole owners of this beautiful powerhouse of energy and love as we give it away in a soul union kiss. The courage it takes for us to do this is far greater than any maiden forced to walk a plank on a pirate’s ship. The fear of rejection, the fear of loss, the fear that what we feel and are seeing in another could be stripped away in a moment with the loss of this being. What are we to do if we give our heart to another and they decide somewhere down the road we are walking on that they want to take a different path with someone else? What if they die? Certainly we too will die. It is in times like this that we find our strength in the acceptance of the reality that we cannot lose our heart, our love or our soul. We will never lose this other beautiful manifestation of the divine that we found ourselves captivated by and sharing this life with. We cannot because we are all ONE. Through the true unity of mankind to each other and to the universe around us we can experience even in great times of sorrow a greater depth of love. We see how each moment with this person significantly impacted our life and allowed us to meet ourselves at a level that we would have not if they had not helped us to circumcise our heart.

We only lose out on this perfect true love if we start building the walls of the prisons and installing soldiers to stand guard again at the fortress of our heart. Only then do we block ourselves from the purity of what has ALWAYS been with us. The purity and divinity of God’s love, OUR love, the love of our soul-mates.

Remaining open and willing to walk the path, no matter how scary it may be is the ONLY way to assure our resurrection of self, our ascension to a higher state of conscious loving while in our mortal physical realm.

Stop and take a moment today to look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Have I loved?”

Stop settling for the superficial Hollywood love. You want richness, intimacy, desire and fulfillment. You want to feel yourself loving and sexing. You want to feel yourself plunging deeper into your relationships and being embraced by the mirror of your soul, your lover.

It is time for man to connect his cock and heart and realize that to open a woman into love you have to touch her heart first. Connect there; breathe with her, look her in the eyes without expectation of sex. Go deeper. Press yourself into her with your soul and breathe. Leave your erection for playtime another day. Lead your woman with your masculine energy into her heart where she will open and embrace yours. As she opens here so will her body physically. She will pull you into her and ask you to dance in her universe. She will beg you to take her physically and she will weep in your arms in sheer bliss knowing that you loved her first with your heart and soul.