“At the back of the womb there lay flesh that demanded to be penetrated. it curved inwards, opening to suck. The flesh walls moved like a sea anemones, seeking by suction to draw his sex in… She opened her mouth as if to reveal the openness of the womb, its hunger, and only then did he plunge to the very bottom and felt her contractions…” – Anais Nin, Delta of Venus
I don’t know about you but if your a woman and you read this quote I hope it make’s your pussy contract the way it does mine. As my eye’s linger across each word of Nin’s I can feel the rapture of turn on in my body. My mouth dampens as does my pussy, deep contractions start to form in it’s velvety walls. My clit pulses with anticipation and hope to soon be sucked as my cervix screams in her own language, YES, YES. Even my breast’s feel more engorged with each breath while reading.
If you feel little to nothing from reading those words then perhaps you are one in the ever growing field of women in our western world that suffers from hypoactive sexual desire disorder. And this ladies, is a REAL issue.
Gentlemen, if your reading this and you are thinking:
“Damn, I want to make a woman open to me like that.” or
“What the heck is she speaking of? penetrating the womb? what?”
The above quote is referring to a cervical orgasm where yes your finger or cock may actually, safely and pleasurably for both parties penetrate the cervix. David Deida refers to it as a cervical kiss on the head of your penis.
Sadly this can only be accomplished if a woman is properly stimulated, relaxed, trusting and full of desire. And many woman in today’s world and time just are non of the above, while many men of today’s time do not know how to get the ladies in their life to this state of luscious being and do not have the sexual education outside of porn to achieve these results that will keep a woman in orgasmic bliss for hours and sometimes even days. the high and release that a woman get’s from this experience DOES indeed carry her for a long time and is something that she will never forget.
This sort of orgasm is not achieved by how “big” a man is.
It is not achieved by how long you have known each other or been dating.
It is not achieved by hours of thrusting and grinding away.
It is not achieved by how tight a woman is or if she has ever had a vaginal orgasm or G-spot orgasm.
The main key to this orgasm is preparation!
As with anything that is worth it’s weight in gold and let me tell you a cervical orgasm is worth 10 kingdom’s of gold in my opinion, one must prepare the grounds to be fertile and have patience, understanding and flexibility. Both parties must be willing to take it slow, check in constantly and remain as open as possible.
So how do you “Stoke the fire” in tantric terms?
This can be a difficult feat in today’s world. With anywhere from 27-34% of women (that is more than double of the male %) experiencing low sexual desire and because woman are feeling an all time low in sexual function and desire they are looking at men with pointed finger’s saying, ” Your a sex addict and have a problem.”
Our sexual education in society is limited to put it kindly and tainted by shame, embarrassment and fear. In general we the people are scared to get our f**k on!
Especially we women.
Women are built to be f*ked, we are designed to be f*ked open deeply by our men. Our pussy’s once re-opened to the pleasure, energy, healing and joy of orgasm are insatiable.
It is high time that we wake up and realize that what we think we know about female arousal and sexuality is simply out of date. Women NEED sex. A healthy woman want’s sex and enjoy’s it, deeply. She eagerly open’s into the raptures of orgasm and she goes deeper then her clit can take her from a few moments stimulation. She understands that through her sexing she can heal the trauma of her vagina and overcome such epidemic issue’s as: depression, weight-gain, irritability, irregular menstrual cycle’s, fatigue, chronic migraine’s and headache, stress related issues, lack of clarity and instead boost her immune system and become a creative muse full of desire, direction, love, forgiveness, passion, and empathy.
A women empowered through her sexing is a beautiful and rare bird to see. She is an angel not afraid to soar to the highest of highs and fully reveal herself to her lover. She is equally comfortable in walking through the fire’s of life vulnerably without being a victim.
She is radiant! Her fire is stoked.
ORGASM: Potential to treat depression, anxiety, pain, addiction and obesity! Improve brain function, increase memory, help with decision making ability and sO much mOre!
Nobody needs to convince me that orgasms are good for your health. As a former editor of The Erotic Review and a veteran sex columnist, I’ve written about sex for more than 17 years. I’ve interviewed fetishists, swingers, sadists and even met a charming lady from Sevenoaks who ran a bordello.
But I’ve yet to meet a man who has devoted as much time and energy to the female orgasm as the avuncular 72-year-old who is currently peering down at me as I sit on a medical table just outside New York.
Dr Barry Komisaruk has dedicated 30 years of his life to exploring the science of the Big O, and I’m so intrigued by his research that I have volunteered to become one of his human orgasm guinea pigs. I will be the first British woman to take part in his project. So what’s involved?
Well, strange as it may sound, I am about to lie down and be propelled backwards into the narrow tube of an MRI scanner, where I will hit the heights of passion and have my brain mapped by the scanner as I do so – and all in the name of science.
How on Earth did this happen? Professor Barry Komisaruk is hardly your typical scientist. For three decades he has studied the science of orgasm from his base at Rutgers University, New Jersey.
The Professor worded his conclusion cautiously, as befits a scientist still compiling key data: ‘The surge of blood and oxygen and nutrients throughout the brain during orgasm is most likely going to be beneficial to brain health.’
In other words: orgasms are good for the brain. This is great news for Hugh Hefner and, indeed, the rest of us, although the exact ways in which orgasm boosts brain function are still unclear. It certainly seems that the moment the French call the petite mort is actually an invigorating zip of new life.
So could an orgasm give the brain a better workout than Sudoku? And if so, then what might the implications be for our ageing population? Might having regular orgasms help improve our memory, keep your brain youthful or even help us live longer? There’s only way to find out.
He found that during orgasm there is a surge of blood, oxygen and nutrients most likely to be beneficial.
In practice, however, having an orgasm in the name of science is not a simple feat – and I’m not even talking about the wide ocean of embarrassment to cross. As anyone who has ever had an MRI scan will know, you must stay motionless during the procedure, especially the area that’s being scanned – in my case my head. It is a tough call in the throes of ecstasy.
So the scientists have devised a fetching neck brace and mask system to make sure subjects don’t move, even if the earth does. With my mask on, I look like Hannibal Lecter’s more sinister sister. It’s hardly aphrodisiacal and the fitting process is particularly unsexy.
The brace is tightened until my chin and neck are immobilised. The plastic mesh of the mask is then softened with hot water and the two halves moulded round the head. When it sets, the mask is removed, the eyes are cut out and – bingo – my very own orgasm helmet.
‘Might having regular orgasms help improve our memory, keep your brain youthful or even help us live longer? There’s only one way to find out’ I wonder how I’m ever going to have sexy thoughts while wearing this contraption. However, many women have managed the manoeuvre before me and I’ll be hanged if I let down British honour by failing to progress where my American sisters have triumphed. I have decided the only way to manage the whole exercise is to treat it like a Girl Guide challenge.
Having said that, under normal circumstances, nothing would induce me to share such an intimate experience with a bunch of strangers. I am British, I am married (my husband rolled his eyes when he learned of the assignment, then went off to make a model Spitfire) and, despite years of writing about sex, I am disinclined to share exact details of my own experience of it.
However, this research is so pioneering, while the implications for mental health are so intriguing, that I found the invitation to participate in the Professor’s study compelling.
For he is hardly alone in his conclusion that orgasms are beneficial to people’s wellbeing.
Researchers elsewhere have shown that men who have frequent orgasms are less likely to suffer prostate cancer, while women who experience a higher instance of climax are less likely to fall victim to heart disease.
But it’s the implications for the brain, mental health and the human capacity to control pain that really intrigue the Rutgers team. They believe that pleasure is a powerful tonic all of its own, as demonstrated by the uptake of oxygen and nutrients to the brain during orgasm.
They have also long demonstrated the fact that the orgasm has a powerful ‘pain-blocking’ effect on the body – essentially that the pleasure of a climax helps block feelings of pain.
As Professor Komisaruk says, ‘If we understand how pleasure is produced in the brain, and if we can increase the activity of the pleasure systems of the brain voluntarily, then it could have beneficial effects on depression, anxiety, pain, addiction and obesity.’
I can’t help wondering what inspired this measured and intensely reflective scientist to devote his life to unlocking the mysteries of the orgasm. The answer is both complex and moving. His work on the topic began when he discovered a link between sexual arousal and an increased pain threshold in an experiment on female laboratory animals.
He was fascinated by the connection, and followed it up with focus on the female orgasm. His research is, of course, also applicable to men, as he says, ‘There are some slight differences between men and women at orgasm, but the similarities are far greater than the differences.’
His interest in the subject only deepened when his beloved wife contracted breast cancer in 1971.
Feeling helpless in the face of his wife’s agony, he was spurred into action. ‘I said to myself, “Don’t just stand there like a dummy. If you think you’re so smart, go do something useful and figure out how to help her block pain.”‘
Komisaruk determined to see if the brain’s signals for pain can be overridden by those for pleasure.
His research took years to advance, and sadly, his wife died in 1982, a tragic turn of events which only strengthened his resolve.
In 2000 he started to use a highly sophisticated MRI scanner which enabled him to see exactly what happened to the brain during orgasm. He believes that if we better understand our brains’ pleasure pathways, we are one step closer to utilising them to counter pain, stress and anxiety.
‘My hope is that in the future we will be able to harness the brain’s capacity for sexual pleasure to counteract pain, depression, anxiety and addiction.
Intrigued by all this, I ask the professor how he believes pain relief will have changed, say, 50 years in the future.
He believes that, as the existing technology improves, humans will learn how to activate their brain’s pleasure pathways to counter pain.
This, he believes, would prove a powerful antidote to all manner of disorders, from the pain of cancer to mental trauma. He also thinks there could be implications for the ageing brain, since there’s already good evidence that people who have active sex lives live longer than those who don’t.
The charming Komisaruk laughs when I ask him if having an orgasm can really make me smarter. He points out that he’s just at the start of many avenues of research.
‘We really don’t understand how neurons (which are nerve cells) produce such profound experiences of pain, or pleasure, or even how the activity of a neuron can produce the simplest bit of consciousness and awareness.
‘For me, that’s just as intriguing as the question of the origin of the universe.’
He appears quietly confident, however, that there are major health benefits to human orgasms which are encrypted in our brains, just waiting to be deciphered and liberated for the good of the human race.
So when I offer myself up as an orgasm volunteer, I do so for the good of us all. Or, at least, that’s my excuse when Professor Komisaruk escorts me towards the Orgasmatron (as I’ve started thinking of the scanner).
The Professor’s doctoral research associate, the ebullient 56-year-old Nan Wise talks me through the procedure, while I confess my fears. I am frightened of being seen by others, but Nan assures me they will dim lights and pull down a blind in the observation window when the scan begins. The only person who will be able to see anything of me will be the MRI operator, who will just glimpse the soles of my bed socks (note to self: don’t flex soles in ecstasy).
I am also worried about claustrophobia, but Wise tells me they use mirrors to create a periscope effect over the subject’s face that both relays instructions from a computer screen and gives the illusion of space. Above all, I am anxious about trying to achieve lift-off in such a clinical environment. Wise says that while most scan subjects get there, some don’t and it doesn’t matter.
I don’t tell her that I’ll believe myself a bad Girl Guide if I don’t.
Once clad in a white cotton robe and blue fleece bed socks, there’s only the mask to fit, which is when I have my only serious wobble.
The plastic mesh has set hard against my nostrils and is restricting airflow. I begin to panic; this is more Silence of the Lambs than 50 Shades of Grey.
The whole team rushes to help. The mask is removed and the rubber covering my nose is cut out by the Professor. I may look even madder, but I can breathe. Finally, everyone exits the room, apart from the scan operator.
He lays a panic button on my stomach and says they’ll stop the procedure immediately if I press it. In my right hand I clutch another switch with a button to be pressed at the start and end of my orgasm, so the researchers can match the exact point I start to climax with the MRI data and time its duration.
I glide backwards into the tube of the scanner and find my face directly under what appears to be a computer screen.
The operator asks if I’m ok and I say yes – or an approximation of yes, considering my mouth’s covered by mesh, my ears are plugged against the scanner’s metallic hum and I can’t nod my head.
Then he turns the scanner on and we’re off. I wasn’t expecting how removed I feel from reality. It’s like being David Bowie’s Major Tom, ‘floating round my tin can/Far above the world’.
It’s strangely intimate here inside the scanner’s snug womb. Then a set of instructions commence on the screen, telling me what I should be doing, and how long for.
The whole exercise is rather like a form of sensory meditation and by the time I’m instructed to commence countdown to the big O, I’m strangely in the mood.
This is a family newspaper, so I will draw a veil over the more kinetic aspects of what next transpired. Suffice to say, the Girl Guides should be proud of me.
Having pondered Komisaruk’s research – and her role in it – Rowan says she is increasingly convinced human orgasm may prove to be our greatest natural panacea: key to countering pain with pleasure
The only problem was that I was so carried away that I pushed the button twice by mistake (or maybe in an ecstasy of ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’), making it appear my orgasm lasted all of one second. However, I had a chance to reprieve myself as I was given a second chance.
This time round I was more relaxed, and, Reader, I managed it. Twice. It may not be the most romantic story to tell my grandchildren, but it will nevertheless be a feat I’m proud of.
After all, I’ve played an important role in pioneering research. And when Dr Komisaruk analysed the scan data he found that – confirming his previous studies – the areas of my brain controlling memory, emotion, decision-making and pain all lit up like the National Grid as vital blood and nutrients flowed to them.
It seems that at the peak of my sexual pleasure, my brain was having a party.
While it’s easy to see that doctors working on investigating brain function have much to learn from the Professor’s work, it is the relationship between pain and pleasure which most fascinates him.
As he says, ‘If further research enables us to understand this interaction better, it may help us to more effectively control pain.
‘My hope is that in the future we will be able to harness the brain’s capacity for sexual pleasure to counteract pain, depression, anxiety and addiction.’
As I clambered out of the MRI scanner, I thought that even if it’s hard to know just how good sex is for the brain, it certainly can’t hurt it.
In the early evening light, I bid farewell to the Big O Hunters in a daze of science and post-lab languor. Having pondered Komisaruk’s research – and my role in it – I’m increasingly convinced human orgasm may prove to be our greatest natural panacea: key to countering pain with pleasure.
Plus the power of passion certainly does seem to have upped my IQ: I finished a cryptic crossword yesterday for the first time ever.
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Standing in who you authentically are and living in that truth each day is the most courageous thing any being can do in life. -KW
What is Authentic Living?
A: Being yourself without compromise.
“I have been asked what is Authentic Living many times already. I’ve been asked to explain what it is and what we do. I always answer the person asking with this. **What does your authentic life look like? What are you doing now that gives yourself permission to be authentic?** After all that is what we strive to do here. Be the permission for people to figure out what their authentic life looks like, feels like, sounds like. By using all the tools we have available to us we work with our clients to uncover their authentic life.
Each person’s authentic life is different and that’s the beauty of it. We are working with the clients basic needs, wants and desires to uncover what it is that will allow them to have more authentic communication with themselves and others. To find what you are truly passionate about and how to live life the way you want to. Once we uncover the passion we work together to develop a plan to remove any blockages or challenges to allow the client to make lasting changes in their life. “ (Scott Beauregard, founder of Authentic Living and Strategic Intervention Specialist )
In our world there are so many voices telling us who we should be or what we should do. Society pushes through media and other resources an illusion of what success is and tell’s us that there are limited ways of achieving it.
We are told that we should follow our dreams when we are young but as soon as we come of a certain age we then wake up to having our dreams burst by those we love and respect the most and instead are told that dreaming is for fools. We are told not to follow our bliss but instead to follow the tried and true path that someone else has set out before us.
Do as they do. Walk the path that is most trodden. DO NOT be uniquely YOU.
Fear is planted and shame for hungerly wanting to live authentic, unbound and free is supported in all streams of relating around us. We look out into the world and we idolize those who appear to be living the unbound life with purpose but we cower and hang our own heads as we look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we are not good enough and should not want this for ourselves.
Living authentic and on purpose is for the ‘special’ people of the world.
Well folks, I for one have something important to share with you. It takes great courage to stand in your truth and be authentic in your life. It may be the hardest thing any being will ever do in their lives. It may make you sick to your stomach on some days and you may question if you can survive your fear.
To be your authentic self fully is a measure of real success. Not the size of your house, what kind of car you drive or what college you graduated from. In the end no one is going to care how many certificates you have hanging on your wall. Your great grandchildren will not give a damn about what school or even the title you earned at work, what they will want to know is “what kind of person was granny or grandpa?” “Did they live life to the fullest? Did they love to the fullest?”
In order to transcend the conditioning that you have been raised with, you have to learn how to let go of the persona you know to be you. You have to release your past, step out of the victim mindset, and WANT to stand firmly in your POWER.
“One of the most devastating things you can do is betray yourself.” -KW
There reaches a point in our lives when living anything less than the bigness of who we really are is no longer an option. It’s just too painful to pretend to be someone that we aren’t, to try and fit into others expectations and continue to play small.
Is this that time for you?
STOP betraying yourself and CLAIM your epic life today!
If you are ready, you will simply know.
I invite you to APPLY for the Authentic Holiday Living & Relating Strategic Coaching Today.
Available Now till Nov. 23rd, 2013
There are Limited spaces remaining! So if you feel the calling in your heart, take the next step and APPLY now!
Learn More Here
I feel confident in promising you that this is a life altering journey beyond anything you could ever imagine. Take the courageous step, GIVE the GIFT now of being your TRUE Self.
I am a strong, powerful, willful woman who has been called a “force of nature” by many. And today, if I was to a be a vase, packed into a box for shipping – I would need extra bubble wrap around me today. My skin actually hurts.
I would need the card board box to be firm and hard. I wouldn’t suggest putting me in an airplane. I would require a delivery man. I am feeling that fragile.
It’s the kind of fragile that can make mistakes. I’m the kind of fragile that can make me feel like I won’t be delivered safely. That somehow, I will fall like the vase to the ground and shatter. And it’s so much work to put me back together again. All of that awful stinky sticky glue.
It’s hard to look at someone who leads, and see their fragility. We want to believe that our teachers and leaders never cry or feel lost or fuck up. But somehow, I think that the best of us do. We might even question why we are leading. Or our life’ purpose!
Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever speak it?
I have been talking a lot the past few weeks about women, and how we love and support each other – and how we don’t.
So many of my friends are deeply involved in women’s circles, or various other female dynamics in complicated relationships.
And it seems that we are all shaking on some level. Is it the stars?
The sins we commit against each other as women is lack of support. A competitiveness that seems to have an underbelly hidden through soft words.
A lack of seeing each other with gentle eyes. We hurt. We hurt each other. We hide. We project. We become mute or duplicitous, and we fester like boiling water until one day we erupt like a geyser. Do we forget we unravel in grief?
So many of us hold deep trauma in our lives. For me, this is different than the drama some of us layer on top of our lives as a distraction from perhaps what is real trauma – or dare I say it – boredom.
Do you reach out to your friends, and ask for extra love and support when you are hurting this way? Or do you hope that they just notice and get it, and call you?
Or if you are feeling strong, do you make yourself available to your friends to wrap them up in bubble wrap when their skin hurts and their heart beats funny? Do you just offer soft kisses on the forehead?
Does letting yourself be seen in your trembling state feel too needy to you? Some of us just wait and hope that our need will be seen – and support will just show up. Some of us create anger, because any kind of attention to our pain even negative attention can fill us up in some way or another.
And some of us, walk around the house looking for bubble wrap and retreat for a few days.
Sometimes, it can be as simple as needing rest.
Loving you from here, and please send a little bubble wrap my way!
Pamela Madsen, Author of Shameless, Sexuality & Fertility Coach, Integrative Life Coach Specializing in Women’s Issues
Websites: Back To The Body, Pamela Madsen.org
A funny, sexy, and wildly entertaining look at the rewards of fully realized desire in the life of one ordinary woman.
At 43 years old, Pamela Madsen was happily married to the man she fell in love with at 17. She was the mother of two sons and had a successful career as a nationally known advocate for fertility issues. But she felt a growing sexual restlessness and yearning that wouldn’t let up. And though Pamela loved her husband and didn’t want to have an affair, she knew deep down that she needed more, much more. In Shameless, she tells the story of how she found it—and not only kept her marriage intact but made it stronger than ever.
In this fearless memoir, Pamela tells the story of her search for sexual, personal, and spiritual wholeness. She explores, in riveting detail, what she experienced at the hands of sexual healers, men who brought her untold pleasure (and became her close friends in the process).
But this is not just another sex book: Shameless is also an account of how Pamela’s journey healed her issues with food and body image and most important, helped her weave the many roles that she played—daughter, friend, partner, mother—into one fully integrated person. It is a story about a woman falling in love with herself and a call to other women to do the same.
Vulnerability picture by Seth Barns
When Laura Munson’s husband asked for a divorce, she ducked instead of fighting. He needed to learn, she says, that his unhappiness wasn’t really about her.
Let’s say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s—gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros, when you were single and skinny—have for the most part come true.
Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.
Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”
But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say, “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.
Here’s a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn’t hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn’t happening. She doesn’t “reward” the tantrum. She simply doesn’t take the tantrum personally because, after all, it’s not about her.
Let me be clear: I’m not saying my husband was throwing a child’s tantrum. No. He was in the grip of something else—a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way I’d responded to my children’s tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.
“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”
His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.
He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.
So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”
Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.
Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”
You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “the End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.
My husband hadn’t yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along. But his new endeavor hadn’t been going so well, and his ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He’d been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our family.
But I wasn’t buying it.
I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”
“Huh?” he said.
“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”
Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”
“How can we have a responsible distance?”
“I don’t want distance,” he said. “I want to move out.”
My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I stopped myself. I would not suffer.
Instead, I went to my desk, Googled “responsible separation,” and came up with a list. It included things like: Who’s allowed to use what credit cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who’s allowed keys to what?
I looked through the list and passed it on to him.
His response: “Keys? We don’t even have keys to our house.”
I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.
“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re going to make me go into therapy. You’re not going to let me move out. You’re going to use the kids against me.”
“I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance you need … ”
“Stop saying that!”
Well, he didn’t move out.
Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual 6 o’clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July—the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks—to go to someone else’s party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He didn’t even wish me “Happy Birthday.”
But I didn’t play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: “Daddy’s having a hard time, as adults often do. But we’re a family, no matter what.” I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.
My trusted friends were irate on my behalf. “How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!”
I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.
I know what you’re thinking: I’m a pushover. I’m weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I’m probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I’m not. I load 1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a Caesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.
I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband’s problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn’t happen.
Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.
I had good days and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say, “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.
Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying, or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it, or not—it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much. And we were.
And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To love me. To fight for what we’ve created. You can bet I wanted to.
But I didn’t.
I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.
And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn’t mow his lawn if he’s going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the future.
It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”
He was back.
And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.
When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: It’s not a spouse, or land, or a job, or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.
My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out and think they can escape.
My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.
But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.
This essay originally appeared in The New York Times. Used with permission. All rights reserved.
This post comes from Theweek.com August 13, 2009
“If your woman’s not begging, then there’s a problem.”
“He embraced me with his strong arms and hands, pulling me in close to him as to make known his intentions of what was to come. His hand sat firmly on my lower back and as he leaned in and kissed me passionately, our breaths merged and became one. I could feel the raw hunger of my inner sexual priestess longing to be released from her chains of the day where she had been held prisoner. Forced into submission and told to look, act and be perceived a certain way so as to not cause any ruffle to society. This was not healthy for me to hold tight these feeling of wanting to be released, orgasmic in every breath and fully vulnerable and powerful in life, with my lover and as a woman. The more I allowed the clamping of my hunger to not be expressed the more lethargic toward life I was becoming, the more caught in worry, fear and over analyzing I did. But in this moment I was being taken away from the insanity and chaos of the repression, I was instead led into what my true nature was and my hunger for him grew even more. The kisses became deeper. So deep, that I felt as though he was going to consume me with each twirl of our tongues. As our tongues danced and teased my heart and pussy began to direct my energy into wanting him inside of me. I began to feel the sensations of possibly having him deep within me. As I surrendered into the possibility of this happening he leaned back from me and encouraged that we walk. I had completely forgotten that our original intentions were to just connect and talk, to enjoy an afternoon out at a park. In my being I wanted to be ravished and to ravish. Alas, this was not the time nor place for it, instead I turned my attention outward and took in the smell of the air, the flowers, watched the branches of the willow trees sway in the breeze and make ripples in the pond. I attentively listened as he shared about his life with me and allowed all the feelings of wanting to dash into the trees or lay naked and free in the grass by the water to just pass through my mind. Down the path and around the bend we came upon some benches, standing out in the middle of nothingness, with tall buildings not far from view and roads nearby. Here we sat. Here we snuggled and shared. Here I could not resist a second more of the ever increasing bulge in his pants. My hands had to touch. My pussy became wetter as he let out soft moans, my pleasure grew and all I could think was, “ god how I adored his cock, his hands, his kiss, his voice, his pleasure.” Our time short, our location extremely public and my soul loving exhibition I made an executive decision and fully revealed his cock to the sunlight, took a deep breath, smiled and took him into my mouth. His scent, his taste, the feel of his throbbing member in my mouth all making my heart rush and sexual hunger pulse through my body. My thrusts becoming deeper, the head of his penis rubbing firmly on the back of my throat, his hands now in my hair pulling it lightly as his breathing became more shallow and his hips tensed. Mid thrust I heard him say, “…and at a public park,” a soft chuckle of pleasure crossed his lips and with his confirmation my tongue swirled in a loop, dipped down and crossed over his testicles as I sucked him in yet deeper, deep enough to cause a mild gag, to encourage more saliva to form so that I could devour him more. Hungrily I encouraged him to allow his milk to flow into my throat as I felt his tension, his heat, his longing to erupt. There in this public park, buildings all around, sun beaming down on us in ecstasy and the cool winds blowing across the water we merged and I drank his nectar. I drank until he could give no more, flushed and now dizzy from the intense orgasmic energy surging through him all he could do was breathe. Breathe in this moment. Breathe in this experience. Breathe in the peace, the intimacy, the excitement and allow the gift of his presence and acceptance to be what it was, a sensual connection not only to me but to life itself.”
Blow jobs, fellatio, hummers, giving head, smoking a Johnson, deep throating, or any other name you may want to apply to this intimate, sensual, raw beauty of sex is only trying to share the blood pumping, breath taking experience that it is and can be for both parties. I have heard from many men about how so many women do not care to give head, and many women say that they only do it to get him off quickly or to keep him happy. Men often do not have the understanding that when a woman willingly and openly wants to take you into her mouth that she is actually saying in her own sexual communication to you that she accepts you, adores you, hungers for you. Her wish is to bring you bliss and restore your faith in the universe and your place in it. A woman who knows the power of a good blowjob understands the great rewards that can be juiced from this experience for both her lover and herself. However, there is a lot that goes into accumulating all that is needed to REALLY make a woman want to go down on you. Just like women’s genitals a man’s Johnson can sometimes not be that yummie morsel of sexual food that we are willing to consume.
A man who does not care for himself is a man who will derail his possibilities of having a woman beg for his milk and possibly even prevent her from wanting him inside her anywhere. I am not speaking of sweat, or even of trimming things up neatly. I am talking about what you think, consume and do every day. These components are the building agents to making your member tantalizing and pleasing in all ways. If you have any sort of a yeast infection in your body (athletes foot, jock itch, dandruff, etc.), or are on a ton of medications, eat poorly or drink too much coffee or alcohol, live in a state of stress or negativity, masturbate to frequently, or do not have a healthy active lifestyle with plenty of rest or meditation you will significantly change the flavor, consistency, smell and even feel of your “load.” Most women have an issue with semen tasting too salty, or bitter, sometimes it will smell more like ass or throw- up instead of having a sweet odor and nutty flavor. A man who respects his body will have the women in his life happily kneeling before his shaft and even initiating or begging for him to cum in their mouth. The self respect and focus on one’s body, mind and soul that will get you ‘more head’ will also increase your chances of getting it on in more ways.
Weather women know it or not, when they themselves are properly cared for and hormonally harmonized, not blocked with a mask of medications, illness, yeast and stress, their natural animalistic instincts will lead them to crave a strong seed. Strong seeds only come from properly nourished men, men who are not poisoning their systems with any toxic overload that our current life offers as a normal state of being. The man in my story is a beautiful yummie example of a modern day gladiator whom I adore being slain by and nourished with his seed. A seed with such strength is a blessing to a woman in many ways outside of being fertilization to her eggs. A man with healthy semen can provide his lover with a fountain of youth, vitality, anti-depressant agents, hormone balancers and an elixir of overall well being. The components of semen are among some of the most healthy and when blended with saliva and if possible some of the women’s juices as well can be a tonic of the god’s. Today’s world has turned ancient practices into disgusting, belittling acts that instead of bringing connection, beauty and health bring shame, separation and pain. In our misunderstanding and lack of sexual education we destroy this beautiful raw sexual act of love and deep connection to ourselves, our lovers and life and we replace it with a need to just release some stress and feel powerful over taking someone else’s gift of surrender.
Ladies and gentlemen, fellatio can be one of the most intense, heated and scrumptious acts of love making. It can bring with it a host of either disease and shame, an ill taste and a longing to disconnect from your lover or it can bring health, intimacy, power, surrender and beauty. This is all in how a man chooses to handle it. So the next time you want your lover to polish your knob, review what you have been doing that will give her the incentive to actually want to consume you not just get you off so she can go on to more important matters, like the dishes or some facebook game.
Want to learn more tips, tricks, health and intimacy in the bedroom and out explore my customized Sex & Relationship Coaching for single’s and couple’s. Get your questions and concerns answered and learn powerful skills and secrets to having that orgasmic blissed out relationship that you desire.
“There I was more wet and turned on then I had been during the course of our hour and half of love making. It was in this moment of exasperated passion that he chose to introduce a new toy to our adventure. A large microphone looking vibrator that when he powered it on I could hear the clinging of the ring on his finger. At first he teased my nipples with its pulses and then slowly moved it down the front on my body, crossing my abdomen and then resting it on my pubic bone. My breathing quickened and I had to remind myself to remain present and breathe deeper. As I lay there focusing on my breath and trying to allow myself to be penetrated by the orgasmic vibration my lover moved this pulsing toy down a notch more to where it now would rest on and tease my clit. It’s vibration was so intense I could feel an orgasm arising within only seconds. My muscles tightened and quivered. I could feel my body wanting to let go into this rapture, but something was stopping me. Something was holding me in my mind and not allowing me to be fully expressed in this pleasure. He could sense that I was not surrendering completely and without a remark he moved from where he was resting between my legs to standing by my head that was almost hanging off the side of the bed. His thick gorgeous cock erect and strong now teasing my lips and mouth as his hand guided my hand to holding the vibrator. Softly encouraging me to place it where it felt most pleasurable. There I lay naked on these white sheets, full frontal view exposed, vibrator in hand and on my pussy, pulsating its lips and clit while devouring his ‘wand of light.’ My body begging me to just release into the orgasm, my mind wandering, unable to just let go. My thoughts bouncing from:
“OMG, I really needed this, Mmmmmmm….”
To “I wonder if he is really enjoying this. What is he thinking right now? God I must look horrible in this light, legs open wide and quivering like this, Lord I hope I don’t have anything in my nose, this is the wrong angle to be seen in…Should I look into his eye’s right now?”
Fearing I was making an ill face, that my stretch marks or the slight sag of my breasts might be a turn off I found myself unable to connect to the fact that I was being gifted with a most blissful moment with one of my favorite men. I could feel the orgasm growing tired of fighting for its life and on the cusp of giving way to numbed out flesh. It was in this moment that my lover chose to push me over the orgasmic edge and bring my focus to only one thing.
“God, you look so sexy, so arousing. I love watching your body. I could do this forever.”
With his complimenting words of how he was turned on and getting pleasure from just seeing me and how he enjoyed our sexing, I was able to release my mind and all the worry, fear and insecurity that was holding me back. I relaxed and opened myself to the moment therefore being penetrated fully by the orgasm. Heart thumping faster, blood rushing to my genitals, and my mouth getting as wet as my pussy. I wanted to feel him pressing into me in every way. I wanted to feel the earth move within my being while wrapped around him. I heard him moan with each flick of my tongue and suck of my mouth. Each moan injecting into my body more arousal, until I could no longer with hold the eruption. “
Truly we have no concept how powerful our words can be to another. Our messages shared in times of sexing can bring extra connection, depth and intimacy into the moment. Our statements of love and appreciation, our compliments and encouragements can free our lovers to fully experience themselves and us alike. Supportive love filled words can give your partner the nudge needed to surrender to bliss and open them to feeling the complexity and beauty of the moment.
Men and women alike dance with shame, guilt, stress and fear when they are revealed during sex and often our concerns fall toward how we are performing, what we are appearing like to our partner and if we are “making” them happy. We also experience times when stress from work, family, health, or finances might keep us mind focused and not in our body where we can taste the juiciness of life. Many people even though they hunger for good and frequent sexing are shameful of their cravings because of their religious up-bringing or the ill perceptions that society holds. Often in the course of a long standing relationship or marriage partners will perform in the bedroom out of a feeling of duty causing their ‘love making’ to not be pleasurable to the body, mind or soul and instead their sexing becomes one of even more stress.
In relationships where NRE (New Relationship Energy) is still strong lovers may find it easier to go deeper in their love making and most likely are far more willing, excited and present in it as well. However, with any intimate moment that people find themselves vulnerable to another they may experience certain shut downs or at times difficulty surrendering to their partner and the orgasm. These moments when experienced can lead to many sexual issues for both men and women and if one allows this disconnect to persist for a long enough course of time they will experience (for a man) ejaculation without orgasm or limited feeling, erectile dysfunction, inability to come and an overall unconnected sensation from themselves, life and their partner. Women who consistently disconnect during sex start to experience more masculine energy in themselves, the soft, flexible, sensual nature of the feminine subsides and makes way for the harsher, direct masculine energy that men normally express. This energy will take the female into the mindset of performance and a need to just “get off” from the moment instead of surrendering into the sensual dance or full body orgasm and connection to not only her lover but to herself and all of life. If allowed to persist women will slowly loose feeling or become over sensitive in their genitals thus causing them to feel a numbness or pain during sexual contact. Their mind will constantly be in a state of worry, stress or concern. The natural luscious sexy nature of the woman will dwindle to a faint light and her mood will go from pleasant to harsh and insensitive or depressed and scared causing FOD (female orgasm disorder).
In current times these are frequent issues for both men and women alike, issues that CAN be healed. Pharmaceutical companies see the great opportunity that these issues bring forth and are quickly doing multiple studies on the sexual dysfunction epidemics that we in the western world are experiencing in greater mass. But the solutions to these problems are not going to be healed by popping another pill. Pills do not heal or fix a problem for the most part, they mask the symptoms and further burry the real issues at heart. Key world being HEART and anyone willing to do the work and develop the skills can experience a holistic therapeutic healing for such dysfunction. Matter a fact through the practice of holistic sexual healing individuals can experience greater sexual pleasure, longer lasting experiences, deeper intimacy, psychological as well as physical and emotional release of past traumatic abuse and more life satisfaction in general. A large part of sexual therapy is the reprogramming of our internal belief structure. This is done in varies ways but one of the most powerful forms of therapy is to be authentically seen.
What do I mean by being authentically seen?
A client will reveal themselves in an emotional, physical or mental fashion to the practitioner (possibly in all forms at once if doing advanced work and often all areas merge together once a client becomes strong enough to be vulnerable in one area). The practitioner will give the gift of sacred space, meaning that they will hold focus on only the client and be completely present with them, providing a safety net to just be themselves. Naked in every way, the client opens themselves to being seen authentically and the practitioner shares empowering words, affirmations, and even touch in some cases. Many clients are amazed at the healing and revelations that they have in these moments. Often people have not experienced this sort of honest, authentic caring and unconditional acceptance in their lives since they were small children. Coming from this space individuals begin to experience themselves and are able to release much of the negative dominant programs that have been running for many years. We can experience a degree of this holistic sexual therapy within our own personal relationships by practicing mindful authentic communication. Part of sexual communication is sharing compliments in intimate moments with our lovers. Such positive words work toward affirming that our partner is divine, beautiful, arousing, sensual, sexy and helps to support them in allowing themselves to surrender further into the moment and express themselves as fully as possible with us. Our compliments in times of sexing can help heal years of shame, guilt, negative self-talk, fear, self-judgment and pain. Compliments not only fertilize your lovers heart but water your lovers genitals and over all sexual arousal and connection.
Why do you need stories? Stories give shape to experience and allow you to go through life with clarity. Without stories, life events and experiences would float around in some nebulous cloud and none of it would mean anything. When you have a particular viewpoint of what happened, the wonderful aspects of being human can come into play. You can laugh, feel inspired, be compassionate, become outraged, and become motivated to change things. They help you connect and feel less alone. They are your guidepost, your prayers, your history and the vehicle to discovering and expressing your soul. There are stories that celebrate and others that offer you a challenge.
Stories reflect your perception of events, experiences and the world. They influence your interactions with others, the quality of your relationships, your sense of emotional well-being, and even your physical health. They shape your expectations, who you believe you can become, or can achieve in life. Your story affects how easily you steer through change, and it can keep you stuck in cycles of stress, worry, and fear. It is your interpretation of what you believe to be true. This rendition is based on your beliefs and weave together to create a story about who you are and how the world works.
If these perceptions and interpretations are reinforced by your environment, the more real they appear and the truer the story seems. The story becomes so engrained that you believe it is the only one that could exist. Your perspective then becomes your truth. The question is, does it support you?
Why do you stay in the stories you create? Story helps you understand the world and assimilate your experience of it, providing you with a view point. Sometimes that becomes contorted. Your unconscious beliefs are like an invisible story line that you carry around all the time. For example, if you adopted the belief that you are not significant, you carry the “I’m insignificant” story. Everywhere you go you are projecting, “This is the story of who I am and how the world works for me. You are requesting others to assume the illusion is true, and help sustain it.” There are plenty of people who are willing to cooperate with you.
How do you change the story? Einstein said that you can’t solve a problem at the same level of consciousness that created it. To change the story you need to look at reality in an entirely new way. Transformation comes when you change the question from “what is this person doing to create this feeling I am experiencing?” This inquiry does not claim ownership of your perception which might be flawed. A more self-aware question might be, “If this reaction is occurring, what story line am I carrying?” Doing this you become aware of the story line, and it gives you the opportunity to change it. You can choose to let go of a limiting belief and respond differently. When you look at your “reality” in a new way. You get less stuck in reacting, and you learn how to clear the beliefs that make up the story. Your awareness grows and you learn to participate in the story you are creating. As a result, the story no longer rules you and your experience of reality changes. I encourage those wanting to explore this further to read Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is.
Lynn Zambrano R.N. is an energy intuitive, healer and life coach. Her sessions are filled with compassion and designed to reveal your personalized, heart-centered guidance. Connect with her on Twitter and Facebook, or email Lynn at Lightminded1@yahoo.com. You can also visit her website at www.Light-Minded.com Lynn is co-host with TrustClaire on her BTR show on Mondays at 5:30 EST, and is also highlighted on Top American Healers .
ORIGINAL POST on OM Times
Ferrett Steinmetz is tired of being told that he should point guns at his daughter’s boyfriends.
There’s a piece of twaddle going around the internet called 10 Rules For Dating My Daughter, which is packed with “funny” threats like this:
“Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilising some kind of ‘barrier method’ can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.”
All of which boil down to the tedious, “Boys are threatening louts, sex is awful when other people do it, and my daughter is a plastic doll whose destiny I control.”
Look, I love sex. It’s fun. And because I love my daughter, I want her to have all of the same delights in life that I do, and hopefully more. I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. But in the abstract, darling, go out and play.
Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.
Yes, all these boys and girls and genderqueers may break your heart, and that in turn will break mine. I’ve held you, sobbing, after your boyfriend cheated on you, and it tore me in two. But you know what would tear me in two even more? To see you in a glass cage, experiencing nothing but cold emptiness at your fingers, as Dear Old Dad ensured that you got to experience nothing until he decided what you should like.
You’re not me. Nor are you an extension of my will. And so you need to make your own damn mistakes, to learn how to pick yourself up when you fall, to learn where the bandages are and to bind up your own cuts. I’ll help. I’ll be your consigliere when I can, the advisor, the person you come to when all seems lost. But I think there’s value in getting lost. I think there’s a strength that only comes from fumbling your own way out of the darkness.
You’re your own person, and some of the things you’re going to love will strike me as insane, ugly, or unenjoyable. This is how large and wonderful the world is! Imagine if everyone loved the same thing; we’d all be battling for the same ten people. The miracle is how easily someone’s cast-offs become someone else’s beloved treasure. And I would be a sad, sad little man if I manipulated you into becoming a cookie-cutter clone of my desires. Love the music I hate, watch the movies I loathe, become a strong woman who knows where her bliss is and knows just what to do to get it.
Now, you’re going to get bruised by life, and sometimes bruised consensually. But I won’t tell you sex is bad, or that you’re bad for wanting it, or that other people are bad from wanting it from you if you’re willing to give it. I refuse to perpetuate, even through the plausible deniability of humor, the idea that the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy.
I’m not the guard who locks you in the tower. Ideally, I am my daughter’s safe space, a garden to return to when the world has proved a little too cruel, a place where she can recuperate and reflect upon past mistakes and know that here, there is someone who loves her wholeheartedly and will hug her until the tears dry.
That’s what I want for you, sweetie. A bold life filled with big mistakes and bigger triumphs.
Now get out there and find all the things you fucking love, and vice versa.
This article originally ran at theferrett.com under a slightly different title.
Having daughters can be scary but having sons can be too. Sex can be a beautiful experience and it can be a painful one. Age, relationship, gender has nothing to do with any of it. In schools, church’s and on the home front we teach our children that sex is evil if not done between a husband and wife or two “committed” ADULTS yet they are bombarded with poor sexual behaviors on movies, video games, books, magazines, the internet, advertising and even in the model many provide at home. It is hard to find one ADULT that did not explore sex as a teen and that has been the case since humankind came about, but in today’s society we believe it is healthy to shame, guilt and point fingers at our youth for doing what is absolutely normal. Sex education needs to change in my opinion, from: this is the birds and the bees and its for only making babies with your spouse; fear the diseases and possible death from it, to: here is how you honor your body, your partners body, here is how to have gourmet sex verse fast food sex, here is how to set healthy boundaries and how to talk sex with those you may be “doing it with.” Here are your safe sex options and above all else we need to teach that sex is freakin’ IMPORTANT in a intimate relationship. We do not own another’s body nor should we feel guilt for saying no to our partner when we need to, or feel shame for asking for what we want. We need to teach our children how to be strong and empowered in ALL areas of their life, not shame them for being human. I have always been a realist in my thinking on sex when it comes to all my babies, and because of what I have learned through experience and self searched out education on this topic I wish all my kids awesome safe empowered gourmet sex and I stand behind their decisions with open arms and a heart of understanding.
“I want for nothing. I desire everything.” – Kendal Williams
The other day I was listening to Alexander Brighton speaking during a coaching circle and he was sharing the concept of living in a state of gratitude while remaining hungry for life. This is exactly the high ground of manifestation that we need to come from but we are taught in this life that you must always want more and never be content with where you are. Now I can feel a bunch of people saying, “No, your wrong Kendal, we are not taught this. I was not taught this. I do not teach my children this.” But we are and we do. If it were not the case and we were all living from a state of gratitude and still full of desire then we would not see the rapid onslaught of people self medicating, taking multiple anti-depressants, hiding in video games or TV show’s or walking through their days looking like zombies. Instead we would all be welcoming the start of a new day, we would hungrily charge forth into our activities and rejoice for all the blessing that we have and all those that are still coming to us. We would REALIZE our true divinity and power and accept with a smile the fact that we are creating our reality each moment. We would be teaching our children these universal truths instead of telling them to just get a degree for a white collar job (that may not even be around when they graduate) so that they can pay the bills and survive.
How many times this last month did you feel like you were JUST surviving?
Being a survivor says that you are yes getting by, but not living to your full life capacity. Your not being challenged by life. Your not even really wanting the challenge and your shut down to your bliss. Survival in any form is about suppressing your true authentic divine self. It is about wearing the armor that you feel you need to protect yourself from life’s pains instead of allowing for the full flow of life to carry you into greatness. Surviving is the opposite of living.
If we actually believed that living from a grateful heart was one of the main key points to having and creating a life that we wanted then wouldn’t you think we would do just that. Be grateful. We do “tell” our children to be grateful for the food on the table, the roof over their head, clothes on their backs, etc. But are we modeling this gratitude?
As we “tell” our children to be grateful we also say to them, “be happy with what you have and STOP wanting,” yet we constantly exhibit in our own actions the reverse. We are not completely wrong in this attitude. If we could just get down the gratitude and change the unhappy wanting (unhappy wanting is wanting with the belief that we cannot have, or should not have/want, believing that we are not good enough to be/do/have, belief that things have always been one way and therefore cannot be another, etc.) to desire.
Desire is not about “hoping” that something will happen, it is not even dreaming about something, it is about going deeper to a soul level where we connect to the Source (god, the light, the creator, etc.) and feeling at our core what our life is to be like. What our soul KNOW’S we can achieve and should have. Desire is about living fully and every desire that we have is there to awaken us to what our potential is in this life. When we focus on these soul desires we start to attract to us the people and situations needed to help them materialize. The more we release our old programming (beliefs, thoughts and feelings) toward these desires the quicker we pull them into our life.
Allowing ourselves to experience more bliss in our day to day life instead of focusing on what we do not have and living in a state of scarcity helps put us into the vortex of abundance. There are many ways to get into this state of being:
- Treat yourself to small luxuries each week
- Stop announcing that you are broke. Instead say nothing.
- When you find a penny or a dollar, say aloud, ” I am a money magnet.”
- Smile often.
- Except the kindness of a stranger, friend, lover or other.
- Do not jump out of bed in the morning, instead breathe and paint a picture in your head of how you want your day to go.
- Eliminate these words from your vocabulary: hope, I wish, fine, broke, I don’t have…, I can’t, luck, and if.
- Flirt often and LOT’s.
- Do one thing each week that scares you in a good way.
- Have more orgasms. (to obtain optimal joy the suggested amount of orgasms to have in a week is at least 3, one a day is best.)
- Tell yourself that you love yourself.
And BE in GRATITUDE for and with each breath.